Bridled Tongue: Abusive Speech

In this part of the sermon: Martin introduces the sermon series on the bridled tongue, emphasizing James 1:26 as the measure of true religion. He reviews previous studies on false witness and corrupting…

The image of an animal bridled and controlled by an external force illustrates how the tongue, when under God's control, will not traverse certain sinful paths.

We're considering together what it means to have a bridled tongue. In our two previous studies, we have looked far and wide in the scriptures to see the tremendous importance of the tongue in the revelation of God in the scriptures. And then we began in our last study, several Lord's Days ago, to consider those paths down which a bridled tongue will not, walk, or traverse. The image being, of course, an animal bridled is controlled by an external force.

0:59 - 1:37 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin introduces the sermon series on the bridled tongue, emphasizing James 1:26 as the measure of true religion. He reviews previous studies on false witness and corrupting…

The extensive answer to the ninth commandment in the Larger Catechism is cited to demonstrate the vastness of sins of the tongue, underscoring that this sermon is not exhaustive.

And therefore, when the tongue is under the control of God, there are certain paths down which it will not go. This is not meant to be an exhaustive study of the sins of the tongue. That would take months, if not years. If you don't believe me, just read the answer to the question, what sins are forbidden in the ninth commandment, in the larger catechism, and you will see 50 lines of definition of the sins forbidden in the ninth commandment.

1:38 - 2:09 Read in full sermon

Driving home: It is the kind of speech in which your tongue is turned into a verbal whip. The kind of speech in which your tongue is turned into a vicious scourge, a stinging lash, or a cruel cudgel with which men and women are then b…

Abusive speech is vividly described as turning the tongue into a 'verbal whip,' 'vicious scourge,' 'stinging lash,' or 'cruel cudgel' to bludgeon others, transforming it from an instrument of edification into a deadly weapon.

It is the kind of speech in which your tongue is turned into a verbal whip. The kind of speech in which your tongue is turned into a vicious scourge, a stinging lash, or a cruel cudgel with which men and women are then bludgeoned. In other words, abusive speech is one in which the tongue is turned from an instrument of edification and life-giving power into a deadly weapon. And when this kind of speech is indulged in,

6:39 - 7:21 Read in full sermon

Driving home: It is the kind of speech in which your tongue is turned into a verbal whip. The kind of speech in which your tongue is turned into a vicious scourge, a stinging lash, or a cruel cudgel with which men and women are then b…

The porcupine raising its quills when backed into a corner illustrates the defensive use of the tongue in abusive speech, retorting with sarcasm when feeling attacked.

Your tongue then becomes your weapon to get even or to get at the person. The tongue becomes, you see, an offensive weapon. But then there are times when this abusive speech is seen when the tongue becomes a defensive weapon, like the quills of the porcupine. When backed into the corner, the only thing the porcupine can do is stand its quills up and say, All right, buster, come near if you dare.

8:04 - 8:30 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The sermon details specific manifestations of abusive speech within the family: between husbands and wives (verbal lashing, jibes), and between parents and children (calling…

Joseph Alleine's quote about 'hand-to-hand combat' in the battles of the soul is used to justify the need to descend from general descriptions of sin to specific manifestations for true conviction.

And not see your own sin unless I descend from the general to the specific. As Joseph Allian says in his excellent treatise on true conversion, it is in hand-to-hand combat that the battles of the soul are won. Think of this sin in its specific manifestation, first of all, in family relationships. The Apostle Paul says, let shameful, abusive speech be put away from you.

13:04 - 13:35 Read in full sermon

The point: If you want to cooperate with the devil in sending your kids to hell just go on living in that kind of hypocrisy. Let your children be witness to abusive speech between a husband and wife as part and parcel of the patter…

The image of a wife's soul, if made visible, appearing 'open and lacerated with ulcerated wounds' from a husband's verbal lash, powerfully conveys the deep and lasting harm of abusive speech.

And what do you do? Well, you've never doubled up your fist and smacked her. That would have been a lot easier for her to take, for the bruise that it brought would have been healed and gone perhaps weeks or days after the blow was struck. But what have you done?

14:17 - 14:33 Read in full sermon

The point: If you want to cooperate with the devil in sending your kids to hell just go on living in that kind of hypocrisy. Let your children be witness to abusive speech between a husband and wife as part and parcel of the patter…

Martin wishes he could be a 'fly on the wall' in Christian homes to expose the hypocrisy of sweet church behavior versus abusive speech at home, highlighting the devastating impact on children.

Let it be done. And I just wish and maybe it's a carnal wish for one week God would let me be a fly on the wall of every professing Christian husband and wife in this place. I wonder what my ears would hear. Some of you who appear so lovey-dovey here in the church so sweet and kind your own children when you sit here have to kind of look up and say what in the world's happened to mommy and daddy?

16:11 - 16:51 Read in full sermon

The point: If you want to cooperate with the devil in sending your kids to hell just go on living in that kind of hypocrisy. Let your children be witness to abusive speech between a husband and wife as part and parcel of the patter…

Calling a child 'stupid idiot' or 'clumsy ox' is described as 'cutting scars into the soul of that dear child,' emphasizing the lasting psychological damage.

You say, you stupid idiot, you dummy, you clumsy ox. Do you know what you're doing? Listen, you know what you're doing? You're cutting scars into the soul of that dear child.

17:58 - 18:12 Read in full sermon

The point: If you need to let the roast burn, you're not going to pick up fork and nut at your table until with tears you put your arms around your kiddies and have an old-fashioned confession meeting.

Adults who are 'psychological cripples' or 'crippled spastics' due to parents' abusive speech (calling them 'dummies,' 'stupid') illustrate the long-term impact on self-image.

Scars that he may carry all his life. I have to deal with grown adults who are psychological cripples. If their soul could be pictured physically, they would come into my study like crippled spastics because they never maintained or attained a proper self-image. Mom and Daddy called them dummies, stupid.

18:12 - 18:43 Read in full sermon

The point: If you need to let the roast burn, you're not going to pick up fork and nut at your table until with tears you put your arms around your kiddies and have an old-fashioned confession meeting.

Martin recounts the childhood saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me,' then refutes it, stating 'names can break my heart,' to show the deep pain of abusive speech.

Abusive speech. We used to say a little saying when we go out into the neighborhood and somebody would call us names. And I was naturally very sensitive as a child. It had nothing to do with grace.

19:26 - 19:42 Read in full sermon

The point: Mum and dad correct you. Mum and dad admonish you. You wouldn't strike back physically, but you strike back with your words. And God says that's shameful, abusive speech that must be put out of your life.

Martin shares a personal anecdote from his youth where he mumbled abusive speech under his breath to his father, illustrating how children can use words as a weapon when physical defiance is not an option.

Well, you may do what I tried to get away with when I was about my present height. I weighed about 50 pounds less, but when I was 14, I was almost six feet tall, began to feel my oats. When my dad told me to go clean out the basement in that old house on 94 Soundview Avenue, Stamford, Connecticut, and I don't know the zip, because that's before the days of zip codes, I was going to be smart enough to mumble some abusive speech under my lips. I was spanked until I told him what I said, and then when he found out what I said, I got spanked for saying that.

20:54 - 21:36 Read in full sermon

The point: Driving in Northern Jersey it will keep your tongue from going down the path of abusive speech. It will give you that ability to react in love and in self-control. To swallow the words and then to have God purge away the…

The 'careless selfish drivers' in Northern New Jersey are used as a relatable example of how frustration on the road can provoke abusive speech, even if only thought.

You're going along and I've never seen in all the places I've driven both in Britain and the United States the most careless selfish drivers I've seen anywhere are in this northern New Jersey area and I'm not accepting New York City either. Right here in this northern New Jersey I don't know what it is I think they're extra demons of selfishness that sit on the hood of the cars or something I don't know what it is. You're going along and somebody does a stupid thing cuts you off or turns without signaling and what do you do? What's the first reaction?

25:20 - 25:55 Read in full sermon

The point: Driving in Northern Jersey it will keep your tongue from going down the path of abusive speech. It will give you that ability to react in love and in self-control. To swallow the words and then to have God purge away the…

Calling a man a 'knucklehead' or 'dodo' at work is described as 'weaving a scourge of the fabric of words and laying it on the ears instead of weaving one of leather and laying it upon the back,' equating verbal abuse to physical harm.

You're weaving a scourge of the fabric of words and laying it on the ears instead of weaving one of leather and laying it upon the back. But it's abusive speech nonetheless. The reverse may be true. You may be the inferior and something is expected of you that's unjust or there's an unjust accusation made as to where the blame lies for certain failure and what do you do?

27:57 - 28:21 Read in full sermon

The point: Some of you will never be delivered from abusive speech until you get a new heart you need to be born again you need in the gracious beautiful biblical words you need to be saved

The transformation of a half-dead, diseased apple tree into one 'flushed out with beautiful leaves and full luscious fruit' illustrates the radical change of regeneration needed for good speech, beyond mere superficial alteration.

you need to have God do something that would be as radical as my walking down Runnymede Road and finding an old tree that looked like it was half dead with little scrubby little remains of what perhaps apparently were apples on it the thing is diseased and it's a mess if you came down that same road two days later and you saw that tree flushed out with beautiful leaves and full luscious fruit you'd say somebody's been monkeying around with this tree and they haven't just been spraying it a different color they haven't just been rearranging the leaves they've done something to the very nature a...

40:18 - 41:02 Read in full sermon

The point: Some of you will never be delivered from abusive speech until you get a new heart you need to be born again you need in the gracious beautiful biblical words you need to be saved

Martin shares his personal testimony of struggling with cursing as a child, where resolutions lasted only weeks or months, until God gave him a new heart, transforming his 'filth and rot' into a 'well of life,' demonstrating the necessity of regeneration.

and the rest in the neighborhood and mom and dad would face me with it and I'd always break and sob and weep and I'd pray and ask God to help me and I'd determine I'm not going to use any more foul language and it would last a week two weeks three weeks one time six months but the tree had to bear its proper fruit and out came the filth and the rot that at times makes me so ashamed in the presence of God that I have to cry with David remember not against me the sins of my youth but thank God when he gave me a new heart when by his grace he gave me life

41:47 - 42:31 Read in full sermon