Introduction: The Danger of Child Abuse

Driving home: sin has introduced into the world a whole universe of things that are ugly, deformed, vile, and even loathsome.

Martin humorously describes receiving calorie-loaded gifts during the holidays and sharing them with others who don't battle with weight, illustrating personal gratitude and the joy of sharing.

I believe a number were perhaps somewhat slowed down by the fog. It was much more intense in certain parts, and we'll just wait a few moments while people are seated, and others who I saw coming into the parking lot shed their coats and get to us. And while they're doing that, let me express for myself and for my wife, at the personal level, our thanks to many of you who remembered us in special ways at this holiday season with cards and notes. While we've not been able to respond to all of those personally, we want you to know that those expressions of love and affection and love and affectio...

0:16 - 1:33 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not think that addressing child abuse in a church context is a distorted perspective; it is a reality we must confront.

Martin references an article in 'Ministry, International Journal for Clergy' about sexual molestation by church workers to demonstrate that addressing child abuse in a church context is not distorted thinking but a relevant, widespread concern.

And among such things, few are more vile and more loathsome than the sexual molestation of children. And while it was an unpleasant thing to consider this issue as we were led in the study of it some weeks ago from this pulpit, it is the burden of your elders' hearts that to be forewarned is to be forearmed. And lest any of you think that perhaps our thinking was a bit distorted, and out of touch with reality in addressing a subject publicly in a church context, I hold in my hands the magazine called Ministry, International Journal for Clergy. And while it is printed by the Seventh-day Adventi...

3:34 - 5:00 Read in full sermon

Driving home: A pattern of exasperation or exasperating a child, neglect, or permanent damage to the body or spirit is my working definition of child abuse to come to light among the people of God.

Martin recounts his personal experience as a young man caring for a screaming baby, describing the intense frustration that could lead a distraught parent to an act of anger, helping the audience empathize with the potential for 'aggravated acts' of child abuse.

could fall into or but an aggravated of inflicting permanent damage to the body or here a moment of anger a mother has thrown against the wall and done permanent damage to that or even killed the child. Why would anyone do that? Because as a very young man in a family of ten, second oldest of that, in the few times when I was left alone with a young, crying baby, very few times did my mother or father ever leave a child's life or leave the little ones alone with a sibling and it was only done if it was an absolute necessity. I can still remember going back over decades the frustration of those...

20:31 - 22:00 Read in full sermon

Driving home: A pattern of exasperation or exasperating a child, neglect, or permanent damage to the body or spirit is my working definition of child abuse to come to light among the people of God.

He describes a scenario where a weary father, after a difficult day, is immediately confronted by his wife about a strong-willed child's misbehavior, leading to a moment of angry lashing out, illustrating how even a Christian parent could commit an 'aggravated act' of child abuse.

and you burped the child and then you gave the child you did everything you knew to do and it not just whimpered but I mean cried with that piercing way five minutes ten minutes twenty minutes thirty minutes and I tell you the sense of frustration is such that I can imagine a distraught mother who had gone through that many times in a moment of angry passion thankfully I never did but I believe I can empathize with how such a passion could overtake someone in a moment of time even or how a straighted father at the end of a long and weary day after having all kinds of hassles at work comes home...

22:00 - 23:27 Read in full sermon

Driving home: A pattern of exasperation or exasperating a child, neglect, or permanent damage to the body or spirit is my working definition of child abuse to come to light among the people of God.

Martin uses the analogy of withholding full-spectrum vitamins and minerals from a child, keeping them on a diet of bland white bread and water, to illustrate how withholding 'the full spectrum of the vitamins and minerals and nutrients of faithful prayer and admonition' is a form of child abuse.

to hedge him up with the duty of the discipline discipline of authoritative verbal for Christians can be guilty of child abuse according to our by this of withholding appointed means for their nurture let me illustrate it this way would you say who had a sustain of withholding available full spectrum vitamins minerals etc diet from a child and kept the child on a diet of bland unenriched white bread and water was guilty of child abuse would you say that they were guilty whether the court would define it that way would you say they were guilty of child abuse you say yes why even the mind of tha...

26:02 - 27:32 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives and mothers should exercise self-control and wisdom in how and when they communicate concerns about children to their husbands, to avoid provoking the husband to sin.

Martin refers back to his earlier illustration of a wife meeting her husband at the door with complaints about a child, acknowledging the wife's understandable frustration but emphasizing the need for her restraint to avoid provoking her husband to sin.

about the children she should speak to him alone I complain never so often she said she should have she should obey her not waiting for her father to tell her to do this or that well that's a good point Tony and what Tony is giving to us is what I would call an answer to the question how can a godly wife and mother help her husband mortify the possibility of child abuse with his children that's the question you've answered and you've answered it well Tony she herself should be in control I was describing a situation where she has been implementing biblical principles but she was unwise to meet...

31:53 - 33:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents must apply biblical principles of discipline judiciously, recognizing the diversity in children's natures and sensitivities, rather than using a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach.

He illustrates the diversity of children's personalities by contrasting a sensitive child who quivers at a sharp word with another who would snap back, demonstrating that a 'wooden, rigid, unbending application' of discipline can be abusive because it fails to account for individual differences.

Could we not say, Barb, that the injudicious, wooden, rigid, unbending application of the same outworking of biblical principle, I mean, it's a lack of the judicious application of the rod or of admonition. As you say, one child snapping the fingers and looking and pointing the finger, and their little lips will quiver and their eyes will fill with tears. Another one, you do that, they'll have to look right back at you, snap the finger, point the finger at you and go, you're all laughing, I think you recognize that. So, when it says, fathers, do not provoke your children.

34:43 - 35:26 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents should verbally commend and encourage their children for progress and good actions, reinforcing positive patterns and preventing them from feeling that nothing they do pleases their parents.

Martin shares a personal example of how he taught his children about responsibility by asking if they wanted their future spouse to think they were a housemaid for picking up dirty socks, illustrating how parental instruction can connect daily tasks to future character and relationships.

And mommy's really pleased that you're trying to do what mommy is telling you, because someday you're going to be a wife and a housekeeper, you're going to be a daddy. And these are words that I used in my household. Do you want your wife to think by your actions that she is nothing but your housemaid to pick up your dirty socks and your dirty underwear? There's the hamper.

39:55 - 40:19 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents should verbally commend and encourage their children for progress and good actions, reinforcing positive patterns and preventing them from feeling that nothing they do pleases their parents.

He recounts using a star chart for daily room inspections to reinforce good behavior, illustrating how positive commendation and reinforcement are crucial for nurturing children and preventing discouragement.

When the room had its daily inspection, a star was put on the chart where it says, room picked up in meat. And boy, it was great to come in at the end of the week and find yourself more than a five-star general. I mean, stars all over the place. And it reinforced those patterns.

40:37 - 40:52 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents must set reasonable expectations for their children, based on their present development and capacities, remembering that God pities us because He knows our frame.

Martin uses the analogy of seeing only a black dot on a largely white sheet of paper to illustrate how parents can dispirit children by focusing solely on their imperfections rather than acknowledging their efforts and progress, leading to anger and discouragement.

I've illustrated it this way with people. I've taken a sheet of paper like the one I hold before me, and I've held it up in front of them, and I said, now what do you see? They said, I see a black dot. I said, isn't that strange?

41:53 - 42:06 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents must actively interpret all of life through the Word of God for their children, making the home a constant climate of biblical instruction, rather than delegating spiritual nurture solely to the church.

He uses the analogy of wearing glasses to correct astigmatism to explain how parents should help their children interpret all of life through the 'glasses of Scripture,' ensuring that every experience and question is viewed through God's Word.

They're getting preaching at church. They're going to Sunday school. Therefore, I'm rearing them in the nurture of the Lord. I'm giving them the training in the things of God. I'm doing it by proxy, but I'm doing it. I'm making sure they get up and go off to church, when in reality, such passages as Deuteronomy chapter 6 and a host of others make it plain that the very climate in which they ought to live and move and have their being morning to night, seven days a week, is a climate in which they ought to live and move and have their being. In which, through the parents, all of life is being i...

46:48 - 48:10 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents should be transparent about their own struggles with sin, letting their children know they are not perfect, to prevent children from becoming disheartened and feeling unable to relate.

Martin shares his pastoral experience that in messed-up marriages, the absence of pet names often indicates deeper relational issues, offering it as a 'freebie' insight into the importance of affectionate communication.

Absolutely necessary. This would not so much provoke them to anger as crush their spirits. If we give the impression that in all the areas that we have to deal with them, we, we have no struggles. Never had any, don't know what they are, it can utterly dispirit the children. But when you're able to say to the child, honey, sweetheart, son, dear, whatever you call, and I hope you have pet names for your kids. I hope you have pet names for one another's husbands and wives, too. I can't prove it from the Bible, but I can prove it from pastoral experience that in nine cases out of ten, when I'm de...

49:33 - 50:19 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents should seek to understand the underlying reasons for a child's behavior (e.g., fear) and respond with appropriate, compassionate solutions rather than merely punishing the outward manifestation.

He explains that parents might exaggerate to gain their children's acceptance, acknowledging this as a form of dishonesty they might need to confess, illustrating how parents struggle with sin too.

That's one of the most humbling things. And often it'll come in the air of exaggeration. An exaggeration in which you deliberately state something to put yourself in a better light is, And there aren't many people who can go through life rearing kids without exaggerating at one time or another, because just as they want our acceptance, we want theirs. And sometimes the way we gain it is by our own wicked hearts pumping out exaggerations about ourselves.

51:36 - 52:04 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents should seek to understand the underlying reasons for a child's behavior (e.g., fear) and respond with appropriate, compassionate solutions rather than merely punishing the outward manifestation.

Martin suggests that a child's fear of the dark might be solved by a nightlight rather than spanking, illustrating the need for parents to understand the root cause of a child's behavior and respond with appropriate, compassionate solutions.

Or, it may be that for some reason he's just petrified in the dark. And he wants to make a distinction. Try to understand why he's doing it. Yes, in other words, the answer to his problem may not be spanking the daylights out of him every night, but investing in a nightlight.

52:56 - 53:13 Read in full sermon