Verbal & Tangible Assurances and Involvements

The point: Be committed to attain, maintain, and increase in your homes a climate marked by warmth, closeness, acceptance, and goodwill.

The negative atmosphere of a home is likened to invisible, noxious, and deadly radon and asbestos, which are spiritually harmful to children.

of the home, which is absolutely crucial. We have not yet begun to address the matter of correction and admonition and the ways in which we can fail in the implementation of these two things, for unless the climate of the home is what it ought to be, then the rod of correction will lose much of its effectiveness and our admonition will have little bite in the consciences of our children. And we have likened the negative atmosphere of the home to the influence of invisible radon and invisible suspended particles of asbestos, which are noxious and deadly, and that we, as the Lord's people, must ...

3:37 - 5:04 Read in full sermon

The point: Be verbally and tangibly reassuring of your love and acceptance of your children.

Framing words like 'I love you' or 'Daddy's pleased with you' takes minimal effort (a little breath, negligible caloric energy), highlighting how easy verbal affirmation is compared to deeds.

And the more difficult way to express love is by deeds and in reality. You see that in the text? What's it take to frame a word? A little air pushed up by the diaphragm over the larynx and a little exercise of the lips and the tongue and the other speech apparatus.

12:59 - 13:19 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: God demonstrates His love through saving acts, supremely in Romans 8:32 where He spared not His own Son, revealing His heart. He also provides verbal assurances of His love, such…

Paul's argument in Romans 8:32, looking at Golgotha, demonstrates God's disposition of heart in giving the greatest (His Son) for us, revealing His willingness to give all things necessary for our salvation.

What is the disposition of God's heart? Paul says, well, look at Golgotha. And there when we behold God the Father, sparing not his Son, but delivering him up, and packed into those words, is the full spectrum of the Biblical doctrine of all the horrors of what our Lord bought us, and what he bore upon the cross, gave him up to the unvented fury of his own holy wrath, gave him up to the viciousness of men, and to the powers of darkness. This is your hour in the power of darkness, Jesus said.

16:09 - 16:47 Read in full sermon

The point: Mothers, take time in the midst of your work to verbally tell your children you love them and explain that your deeds are motivated by that love.

A mother's hard work (sweating over the stove, washing clothes, ironing) is described, but Martin warns that these deeds are not self-interpreting to children as expressions of love.

You say, surely my kids know I love them. I sweat over the stove. I throw their dirty clothes in the washer, and I dry them, and I iron them. And I feel like a worn-out wench at the end of the day for my kids.

23:35 - 23:47 Read in full sermon

The point: Mothers, take time in the midst of your work to verbally tell your children you love them and explain that your deeds are motivated by that love.

A mother, looking a mess with no makeup, is encouraged to stop her work, call her child over, and verbally affirm her love, explaining that her deeds are motivated by love for God and the child.

Surely they know I love them. Don't assume, Mom, that your kids reason from all that work to your love to them. What will it cost you, in the middle of all that, to just stop and call your son over, call your daughter over, your hair all scrubbly, and you look a mess, you got no makeup on, you wouldn't win a beauty contest with a bunch of blind judges. And you call your son or daughter over, and you pop them up on your knee, and they say, what do you want, Mom?

23:47 - 24:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Fathers, when you come home, take time to call your children to you, put your arms around them, and verbally express your love and acceptance, even knowing their faults.

A father, despite pressures, is encouraged to take time to embrace his son and express how much the child has fulfilled his dreams of fatherhood, affirming love and acceptance even when faults are known.

Now, how long did that take you? What did that cost you? How did that greatly disrupt your daily schedule? You dads, you dads, when you come home, and you're faced with the pressures and the responsibilities and things that have to be done, and I know something about them.

24:55 - 25:13 Read in full sermon

The point: Reject the unbiblical notion that mothers should shove kids off to meet fathers at the door; instead, allow children to joyfully greet their father.

Martin uses the metaphor of a nuclear warhead to express his strong opposition to the 'stupid, unbiblical notion' of mothers shoving kids aside to greet fathers, calling it legalistic garbage.

How many rules? But I'll tell you one rule I'm going to hope to blast, not with an M16, not with a .50 caliber machine gun, and not even with a Patriot missile, but with a nuclear warhead. And that's that stupid, unbiblical notion floating around this church in a series of tapes that when Dad comes home, Mom shoves all the kids off in the room and she meets Daddy at the door, trimmed up and prissy, and that way you show the kids that your relationship to your husband is superior, previous to, and of more importance than the relationship to the children.

26:24 - 27:07 Read in full sermon

The point: Reject the unbiblical notion that mothers should shove kids off to meet fathers at the door; instead, allow children to joyfully greet their father.

The delight of children running to greet their father when he comes home, and the father's affirmation of love, is presented as a healthy, tangible expression of family love, contrasting with legalistic advice.

What a way to prove your full acceptance and love. What greater delight does a true mother have than to see the look in the kiddies' eyes when they hear the gravel crunching and Daddy's car is coming up the driveway and they see the kids running to the window. And then when Daddy gets out of the car and they go running to the door and they jump up into his arms. And what gives a mother a greater sense of fulfillment than I've had a part in giving that delight to my husband and the father of those children.

27:51 - 28:20 Read in full sermon

The point: Reject the unbiblical notion that mothers should shove kids off to meet fathers at the door; instead, allow children to joyfully greet their father.

The scenario where correction is the only verbal or tangible expression from parents leads to adults who equate intense language with rejection, struggling to relate to authoritative preaching.

But you show in tangible ways your love, your acceptance of your kids. You see, if the only time you become explicitly verbal with your kids is when you correct them, admonish them. And if the only time you tangibly express anything is when your hand is on their behind or it's holding them holding the spanking stick or whatever thing you use for corporal punishment, do you see why we have messed up adults who wonder if someone preaches with some authority and bite? Does Pastor really love us?

28:37 - 29:16 Read in full sermon

The point: If you find it hard to say 'I love you,' try it; your children will like it, and you will not suffer ill effects.

Martin humorously assures listeners that saying 'I love you' will not cause a heart attack or turn them to stone, encouraging those who find it difficult to try.

And I almost thought, it turns out I almost thought I thought of almost doing a little experiment in class dynamics. But I said, no, some might think that was too condescending and insulting. But I want to assure you, you will not have a heart attack, your hair will not suddenly turn gray, nor will you turn into a block of stone if you say the words I love you. Some of you find it hard to say it even to your wives.

31:05 - 31:35 Read in full sermon

The point: If you were not raised with verbal affirmations, explain to your children that you are learning to be like God and will strive to verbalize your love, asking for their patience and help.

A father who wasn't raised with verbal affirmations is encouraged to explain to his children that he is learning to be like God and will try to express his love verbally, asking for their patience and help.

But Daddy wasn't brought up in a home where anybody said they loved him. And it's not part of me. But Daddy sees from the word of God that he's going to be like God. He's got to tell you he loves you.

31:51 - 32:02 Read in full sermon

The point: If you were not raised with verbal affirmations, explain to your children that you are learning to be like God and will strive to verbalize your love, asking for their patience and help.

A mother's immense sacrifices (carrying a child, labor, sleepless nights, household care) are acknowledged, but she is urged to verbalize her love because her deeds alone are not self-interpreting to her children.

Some of you mothers, your love is proven in your deeds. You were willing to carry that child, end up looking like a pear, go through the throes of labor, bring that little one into the world. You nursed it at your breast. You spent sleepless nights.

32:28 - 32:44 Read in full sermon

Driving home: Your deeds are not self-interpreting to your children any more than God's deeds are self-interpreting. He tells us what His deeds mean. He affirms His love by the act of the cross and by the word, I've loved Thee with an…

The term 'gushy-mushy' is used to describe homes where love is openly expressed, and Martin embraces it if it means being like God.

He affirms His love by the act of the cross and by the word, I've loved Thee with an everlasting love. love. Oh, you say, but won't that make a home all gushy-mushy? Now, God give us such gushy-mushy homes. If that's what it is, gushy-mushy to be like God, then you call it what you want.

33:09 - 33:30 Read in full sermon

Driving home: Your deeds are not self-interpreting to your children any more than God's deeds are self-interpreting. He tells us what His deeds mean. He affirms His love by the act of the cross and by the word, I've loved Thee with an…

A wife who collapses emotionally at correction, despite her husband's love, is explained as a product of a childhood where correction equaled rejection, highlighting the long-term impact of parental neglect.

But just do it. Just do it so that your children will not grow up wondering, am I accepting the problem many husbands have right now with their wives is because correction and rebuke and spankings were the only verbal and physical bridge between them and their parents. They can't conceive that correction can be an expression. They didn't get it in their homes, and now when their husbands who tell them that they love them, who prove it by their deeds, the moment they correct them, the poor wife goes in a heap. Not because she's a perverse witch.

33:31 - 34:12 Read in full sermon

Driving home: But, oh, far better for us to send out into life women prepared for an assertive, godly husband who can lovingly reprove and rebuke without having his wife end up into a pile of emotional distress. I never realized that,…

A husband is advised to build up a 'constant wad of verbal and physical expressions of his acceptance' to enable his wife to receive rebuke without emotional distress, making up for what was lacking in her upbringing.

Where did she learn that? She learned it. A rotten radon, asbestos-infected home in which she was raised. And God have mercy on any kids who go out of Trinity and have to be those kind of wives. Now, a husband's got to take a woman if she's there and not write her off. He's got to teach her. He's got to teach her that correcting her is not rejecting her. He's got to build up a constant wad of verbal and physical expressions of his acceptance in order to lay a feather of rebuke upon it.

34:21 - 34:55 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate and nurture a genuine interest in your child's world of thinking, interests, and activity.

The Pharisees and Gentiles' prayer wheel concept (more prayers = more answers) is used to illustrate a superficial approach to prayer, contrasting with God's genuine interest in our needs.

And I say, surely, pastor, you're pressing things to say God's like that with us. No, I'm not. I want you to look at four texts of scripture with me. Matthew 6 and verse 8. And Jesus is teaching us to pray. What does he say? Do not be like the Pharisees and the Gentiles. I'm sorry, the Gentiles. The Pharisees and the Gentiles. who have a prayer wheel concept.

36:37 - 37:11 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate and nurture a genuine interest in your child's world of thinking, interests, and activity.

The question of whether God, who governs global events, is interested in 'my little world' is posed, with the answer being yes, even down to mundane needs like daily bread.

Now, how does my Father know what I have need of? If He am interested in my world. He knows what I have need of, because my world's things and concerns is of importance to Him. You mean the God who's sitting as king over the scud missiles and Saddam Hussein and General Schwarzkopf is interested in my little world?

37:26 - 37:51 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The third guideline is to cultivate and nurture a genuine interest in a child's world of thinking, interests, and activity. This is modeled after God, who, as our Heavenly Father…

Psalm 139 is often misinterpreted as God being a 'clever Scotland Yard sleuth' who never loses sight of us, but Martin clarifies it's about David's awe at God's intimate, precious knowledge of him.

Then Psalm 139. In my recent reading through the book of Psalms, this very familiar psalm took on, fresh preciousness to my own heart as we were into this study. So often we think of the 139th Psalm as though God were the epitome of the most clever Scotland Yard sleuth. He's searched us, He's known us, never gets us out of sight.

38:33 - 39:01 Read in full sermon

The point: Practice self-denial to engage with your child's world, putting aside your own interests to understand and address their concerns.

Martin shares a personal anecdote of instinctively crawling on all fours in the foyer, only to realize people were watching, illustrating his natural inclination to engage in a child's world without conscious effort.

There are few things that make more demands upon us in the area of self-denial than being a godly parent, and this is one of them. Because the world of your child in those early ages of development is a world so far removed from you that many times, unless God's given you the kind of, temperament and has molded you by other influences that you just really never grew out of the kid in your own heart and you delight to come down to where your kids are because it gives you a legitimate excuse to play the fool without being culpable. Of course, I'm not talking about anyone in particular that way. ...

42:37 - 43:47 Read in full sermon

The point: Practice self-denial to engage with your child's world, putting aside your own interests to understand and address their concerns.

A father wanting to read the business or sports page is contrasted with his child's humiliation at school, emphasizing the need to prioritize the child's emotional world over personal interests.

I'm locking this in to God as our pattern. And therefore, you and I, if we are not natively inclined that way and we're not molded in shape that way, we must consciously deny ourselves. What you want to do when you come home is grab the paper and read the business column. You want to know what's happening with your stocks and your bonds.

43:47 - 44:11 Read in full sermon

The point: Find and nurture your children's natural spheres of interest, rather than forcing your own fantasies or ambitions upon them.

If the TV is a parent's master, they will miss their children's signals, illustrating how self-interest can prevent genuine engagement with a child's world.

No way. If the TV is your master in your home, the minute you come through the door, flick on the tube,

45:23 - 45:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Find and nurture your children's natural spheres of interest, rather than forcing your own fantasies or ambitions upon them.

A father who dreamed of a daughter who loved to sew finds she prefers digging in the dirt and gardening, illustrating the need to nurture a child's natural inclinations rather than imposing parental fantasies.

And there's no way if you don't make efforts to find and nurture various spheres of interest. Not force your own upon your children, but find out how God's put them together and incline them in their interest. He always dreamed, if I have a daughter, she's just going to love to learn to sew and to knit and all the rest. Lo and behold, she's more interested in going out and digging in the dirt and being a little farmeress.

45:35 - 46:08 Read in full sermon

The point: Find and nurture your children's natural spheres of interest, rather than forcing your own fantasies or ambitions upon them.

A father obsessed with sports dreams of a son playing baseball or football, but the son is fascinated with the piano, illustrating the danger of projecting one's own frustrated ambitions onto a child.

Okay? But in those early years, finding where their interests are. You're a dad. And you're almost obsessed to the point of idolatry.

46:34 - 46:43 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Applying this, parents must practice self-denial to enter their child's world, putting aside their own interests (like reading the paper or watching TV) to engage with their…

Parents driving children with no aptitude for sports in Little League and Pop Warner is cited as an example of projecting frustrated ambitions, bruising children's psyches, and lacking a sense of God's individual design for each child.

And I've seen it at the Little League games and at the Pop Warner things. Kids that have no aptitude for baseball and football. And their dad's driving them, driving them, driving them, driving them. And the kids knowing they're as klutzy as they can be and making asses of themselves in front of their peers and others.

47:44 - 48:01 Read in full sermon

The point: Have a 'judgment day' with your kids: sit down with them, confess your failures in expressing love, and ask for their forgiveness.

Parents are encouraged to have a 'judgment day' with their kids, confessing their failures in expressing love and asking for forgiveness, noting children's amazing capacity for forgiveness.

And this afternoon, have another little judgment day with your kids. Say, kids, it ain't over yet. Mom and Daddy met with you two, three weeks ago and several of you have told me you've had such times with your families. Say, we need to talk again today.

52:02 - 52:14 Read in full sermon