Controlling the Spirit #2: Anger

Driving home: All of these texts affirm that unbridled self-expression is a sin and not a virtue. Unbridled self-expression is a sin and not a virtue.

Martin recounts a news report about a rock group whose popularity stems from their 'totally unpredictable self-expression to the point of madness and abandonment,' including destruction of instruments and lewd acts. This illustrates society's embrace of unbridled self-expression as a virtue, contrasting it with the biblical view of self-control.

Today, at many levels, I cannot take the time to underscore them. Let me just highlight one as we review this point. In the news this past week, I saw a brief report on a certain rock group. I don't even know the name.

3:53 - 4:10 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin highly commends Richard Baxter's 'Christian Directory' for its helpful treatment of anger, including its definition, marks of sinful anger, meditations, and practical…

Martin quotes several objections from Richard Baxter's 'Christian Directory' regarding dealing with anger (e.g., 'I am of a hasty, intense nature and cannot help it,' 'The provocation was so great,' 'It is but a short outburst'). This illustrates common human excuses for sinful anger, showing that these struggles are not new.

And then he goes on to say, anger is good, and thus is useful to its appointed end, in a right manner and measure, but it is sinful when, and then he gives nine marks of sinful anger. All right, having identified it, he says, all right, now you've got to start meditating about how to deal with your sinful anger. And then he gives a number of meditations about dealing. And after he gives twelve meditations, then he takes up objections. And I couldn't help but laugh. I brought these things down to supper last night with my wife, and I said, honey, no new thing under the sun, is there? Listen to ...

18:25 - 19:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Pray to God for discernment to distinguish between a child's cry of pain, hunger, and sinful, passionate anger, even before they develop verbal skills.

Martin uses the example of parents discerning between a baby's cry of pain, hunger, or frustration leading to anger. This illustrates the early manifestations of sinful anger and the need for parental discernment rooted in biblical theology of original sin.

Long before they can develop verbal skills, they will manifest passions of sinful anger. Long before they can frame it into words and call their brothers and sisters names, or even say to you as mommy and daddy, no, I'm not going to do it, and then stomp out. You learn the difference between the cry of pain, the cry of hunger, and the cry of frustration that's leading to anger. It's leading to unbridled anger in the child. Long before the child can speak, and woe is the parent who can't discern, not infallibly, but as a general rule, the differences in those cries. And you moms and dads must p...

28:02 - 29:06 Read in full sermon

The point: Instruct children that throwing objects in anger is unacceptable behavior, as it can lead to patterns of physical aggression.

He describes a child throwing an object in anger as a manifestation of sinful anger. This illustrates how unchecked childhood behaviors can escalate into physical abuse in adulthood, emphasizing the need to address these patterns early.

Those will have to be met most frequently before they have verbal skills with the rod. However, those made after verbal skills begin to emerge. Their ability to understand your words and convey words to you may manifest it by throwing something down in anger. Well, you've got to instruct them that that is unacceptable behavior because the kid who's allowed in his anger born of frustration or born of the fact that he can't have his way takes an object and throws it down is the kid who in his teens is punching people, who in his adulthood is guilty of physical abuse of his wife and his children.

32:25 - 33:08 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not allow children to sulk in their rooms as an expression of anger; this is not a biblical way of dealing with anger.

Martin describes children who sulk in their rooms after a directive as an expression of anger. This illustrates a common, often overlooked, manifestation of sinful anger that parents must address, linking it to adult patterns of withdrawal in conflict.

Some kids will not pound the bed or kick the door. They'll go in their room and sulk as an expression of anger. They didn't like some directive you gave. And they may not give you lip, but they put out their lip, go in their room, slam the door, and sit there and sulk.

33:37 - 33:54 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not be uncharitably severe on those whose temperament is opposite your own, recognizing that they may have overcome more than you, even if much remains to be subdued.

Martin uses the analogy of needing 'ten ounces of grace' versus 'ten tons of grace' to overcome provocation. This illustrates that individuals have different innate predispositions to anger and require varying degrees of grace, warning against judging others by one's own struggles.

Some people only need ten ounces of grace to overcome their restraint, reaction to a given situation of provocation. Some people need ten tons of grace to overcome provocation in the same area. And a person who only needs ten ounces can very easily judge himself to be growing in grace because once a year he may only fall short of his ten ounces of grace twice. And the other man may fall short twice every day.

41:21 - 41:52 Read in full sermon

The point: Strike a proper balance between protecting children from unnecessary provocation and allowing them to experience stressful situations to train them in self-control for the real world.

He shares a personal anecdote about his mother dealing with sibling fights by punishing both children when they were out of control, regardless of who 'started it.' This illustrates a practical, albeit firm, method of teaching children accountability and conflict resolution.

So I'd say yes, but with the caution not so to overdo it that we leave them unprepared. As one of the parents recently said to me that there was a situation where the kids were fighting and he told the kids, he said, look, I'm not going to be around for the rest of your life to sort out all your things and unless someone has really been guilty of something where it's very clear that one of you is wrong and needs to be disciplined, you sort that issue out because in life we have to sort things out. And I happen to mention that's why when those things got out of hand, my mother would come in and...

47:05 - 47:46 Read in full sermon