Husbands and Wives Before God #4

In this part of the sermon: Martin acknowledges the personal nature of the topic and his own limitations, expressing hope that the upcoming points will resonate with listeners' specific struggles in marriage.

Martin uses the analogy of someone trying to direct another person to scratch an unreachable itch on their back to illustrate how difficult it is to address everyone's specific marital struggles, acknowledging he may not 'nail the scratch right on the money' for all.

I may send you away disappointed. As disappointed as when you're saying to your wife, Honey, honey, please scratch me between the shoulder blades. No, no, up a little, down a little, east a little. No, you still don't have it.

3:57 - 4:08 Read in full sermon

The point: Stop incessant groaning and complaining about a spiritually dead spouse, and instead glory in infirmity that the power of Christ may rest upon you.

He cites 'living monuments in this building of women' who have borne the burden of a spiritually dead spouse with grace, turning weakness into strength, contrasting them with those who incessantly complain.

That's the way some of you read it, and that's why you make no progress in Ephesians 5. Paul said, Most gladly, therefore, I glory in firmity that the power of Christ may rest upon me, for when I am weak, then am I strong. And there are living monuments in this building of women. I don't know personally of any men, but of women, I do know, who have taken this stake, in their flesh, of the burden of a spiritually dead spouse, and instead of groaning and complaining and burning up the telephone wires of Christ's power, may weakness go thou and do likewise. Stop this incessant...

9:32 - 10:29 Read in full sermon

Driving home: And according to my Bible, the man or the woman who lacks either the will or the power to change into biblical norms is lost and unconverted.

Martin references Jesus seeking human companionship in Gethsemane to validate the need for intimate confidants when facing crushing burdens, distinguishing this from incessant complaining about an unconverted spouse.

And I would never want to cut you off from the wonderful means of grace of that inner circle of confidants who, when the pressure becomes so great, even our Lord Jesus felt the need of human companionship in the face of impending, crushing burden and said to three of his creatures, will you not watch with me this one hour?

11:31 - 11:56 Read in full sermon

The point: Face up to your spiritual deadness and seek the Lord while He may be found, calling upon Him for grace.

He compares a professing Christian chained to a bottle, who is unconverted, to couples whose marriages show no progress despite years of 'light,' suggesting their lack of change indicates spiritual deadness.

or marriage is not that you haven't yet found the right book, gone to the right conference, heard the right speaker, listened to the right series of tapes, you're strangers to the blessings of the salvation expounded throughout this week, and it's high time you faced it. And just like the man who can blether about his love of Jesus and his knowledge of Jesus and all his Christian experience and attends church regularly, but is chained, into his bottle, we know from scripture he's unconverted, for no drunkard shall enter the kingdom of heaven. The signal of converted is that before all the ligh...

14:16 - 15:23 Read in full sermon

The point: Pray together as a couple, humbling yourselves before God and confessing sins to each other.

Martin shares a personal anecdote about his and his wife's unique prayer ritual, where he kneels and holds her hand, explaining how any 'burr' in their relationship makes him feel 'filthy' and prompts them to sort it out before praying, highlighting the power of joint prayer.

And he said to him, the devil said to me, where am I going to play you down? He said you're going to play your down. bible reading daily prayer alone if you neglect to pray together i'm amazed i used to take for granted christian couples especially with problems would be praying together about them i don't assume it anymore and the first question one of the first questions i ask when a couple comes in who've got problems is do you pray together and 99 times out of 100 they don't pray together and if they just get on their knees and the old buzzard would humble himself enough to let his wife he...

18:25 - 19:40 Read in full sermon

The point: Become a watchdog for each other's devotional life, sweetly inquiring about their time with God and holding each other accountable.

He shares a personal anecdote about his wife subtly checking if he's at his devotional chair rather than his work desk, illustrating how a spouse can be a 'watchdog' for spiritual dullness in a loving way.

an inquisition every day you can do it sweetly and see her at supper time or some of us who have the privilege of seeing our wives throughout the day was there something that was particularly helpful to you in your devotions this morning dear i'm assuming she had them if she has and she says you know honey three phone calls came through i had to keep that appointment at 10. i've not had my time alone with god but i'm purposing to have it at such and such a time check up on me and make sure that i do you see couples really do that well i know at least one couple that does i can't speak for coup...

22:31 - 23:52 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate at least the appearance of interest in your spouse's hobbies and concerns, denying yourself for their sake.

Martin uses the example of a wife showing interest in her husband's fishing hobby (e.g., how to set a hook for different types of bass) even if it grosses her out, to illustrate cultivating intellectual and cultural intimacy.

how you set the hook in the jaw of a bass who has a hard mouth, a large mouth bass, and how you set it in the mouth of a small mouth bass who has a relatively soft mouth. Now, naturally speaking, the whole idea of catching those slimy creatures grosses you out. But at least look interested. Deny yourself and look. That's important to him.

27:05 - 27:31 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate at least the appearance of interest in your spouse's hobbies and concerns, denying yourself for their sake.

He uses the example of a husband showing interest in his wife's homemaking discoveries from a magazine, even if he has no native interest, to illustrate cultivating intellectual and cultural intimacy.

And vice versa. She's found something in the latest Family Circle magazine, some new development in some new area, of a perspective regarding something to do with homemaking. And I tell you, you could not have any less native interest. But you at least look interested.

27:31 - 27:50 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate at least the appearance of interest in your spouse's hobbies and concerns, denying yourself for their sake.

Martin shares his and his wife's ritual of recounting their day, even trivial details, to show how they cultivate oneness by valuing what is important to each other.

That's why my wife and I have the silly ritual when I'm away of saying, How was your day, dear? And she runs through from the morning till night. Three quarters of it. We'll never reach the United Nations.

28:01 - 28:11 Read in full sermon

The point: Start with measurable activities like having a consistent devotional time (using a clock) and regularly weighing yourself (using scales) to be honest about your physical condition.

He paints a vivid picture of a 'couch potato' husband with a 'spare tire big enough to float the Titanic,' who is physically unable to protect his wife, to illustrate how physical sloppiness undermines a husband's headship and a wife's trust.

1 Corinthians 6, What know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Ghost, which you have of God, and you are not your own? You have been bought with a price. Glorify God, therefore, in your body, which is his. Now when you can show me that that's a wrong use of those texts, I'll be prepared to say we all need to be so spiritual that if a woman's husband becomes the typical couch potato, having a spare tire big enough to float the Titanic, soft and flabby, that in a moment of danger she could no more trust him to protect her, she'd run to her three-year-old son thinking she'd get a better...

30:30 - 31:34 Read in full sermon

The point: Start with measurable activities like having a consistent devotional time (using a clock) and regularly weighing yourself (using scales) to be honest about your physical condition.

He describes a wife who is either sloppy in appearance (excessive weight, poor grooming) or obsessed with thinness (looking like she 'came out of Dachau'), to illustrate how physical appearance can embarrass a husband and undermine the 'crown' she should be.

And a woman wants to know that within the reasonable limits of genetic predisposition and a number of other factors outside of our control, that her husband cares enough about their life together, not only in their sexual intimacy, when they see each other in their nakedness, but in their general presentation before the public, for the Scripture says that a worthy woman is the crown of her husband, but he that she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness to his bones. And when a man must take about with him and introduce a wife who is sloppy in her physical appearance, either with the sloppiness o...

31:34 - 32:59 Read in full sermon

The point: Start with measurable activities like having a consistent devotional time (using a clock) and regularly weighing yourself (using scales) to be honest about your physical condition.

Martin recounts advising a man to start his spiritual and physical discipline by using a clock for devotions and scales for weight, emphasizing that these tools don't lie and prevent rationalization.

I said, alright, let me tell you a good place to start. Start with those activities that can be measured by the clock and the scales because those are two things that won't lie and you can't rationalize when you're looking at them. I said, you want to be a man of God? Say, alright, I'm going to start having a half hour with God.

33:24 - 33:40 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The fourth hindrance is an inexcusable physically sloppy condition, arguing that indifference to one's physical state is unnatural, selfish, and unspiritual, especially in light…

He uses the character Wimpy from the 'Smiling Jack' comic strip (actually Popeye) to describe men who want beauty queen wives but look like 'fat stuff' themselves, highlighting hypocrisy in physical expectations.

And you men, the same. I've been amazed how many men want their wives to look like beauty queens. And they go around looking like you people that are too young to remember old Smiling Jack comic strip. It was this guy, Wimpy.

35:41 - 35:59 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The fourth hindrance is an inexcusable physically sloppy condition, arguing that indifference to one's physical state is unnatural, selfish, and unspiritual, especially in light…

Martin shares a recent counseling situation where a husband complained about his wife's weight gain affecting their intimacy, to which Martin pointed out the husband's own physical condition, illustrating mutual responsibility.

See, us old duffers remember this one. These guys go around with their big bay windows. And I've actually had to tell some of them. I just recently had a situation where there's been a wedding and there's been a waning of wholesome, healthy eroticism between a Christian couple.

36:07 - 36:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Buffet your body and keep it under, counting calories and exercising, like athletes, to maintain physical attractiveness for your spouse.

He humorously warns against literally memorizing and using the 'strangest Middle Eastern imagery' from Song of Solomon to woo a wife today, emphasizing the underlying timeless principle of attractiveness rather than the specific cultural expressions.

No, the Song of Solomon couched in some of the strangest Middle Eastern imagery. Brethren, if you want to woo and win your wife, don't memorize the language of the Song of Solomon. She'll be throwing bottles of perfume at your skull. You start telling her some of the things he told his beloved.

38:30 - 38:52 Read in full sermon

The point: Have periodic 'judgment days' with your wife and children to openly discuss what changes would please each other, evaluating desires in light of Scripture and preferences.

Martin describes his family's practice of having an annual 'judgment day' where his wife and children could freely express what they would change about him, and vice versa, to evaluate desires against Scripture and preferences, fostering open dialogue and self-giving love.

I love that passage in Isaiah where God speaks of his work as that which will manifest itself in the purification of his people by the spirit of judgment and of burning let the word of God judge you and let the Holy Ghost burn through you and consume the dross of your carnal pride. The pride that will keep you from sitting down with your wife and kids and having a judgment day. I know a few things that have been more helpful throughout the years than periodic judgment days with my wife and kids from the time they were very young even up into their present adulthood. There's a period in our mar...

49:10 - 50:39 Read in full sermon

The point: Overcome intellectual laziness by reading elementary, non-technical books on your wife's emotional and physical cycles (e.g., monthly cycle, menopause) and other practical aspects of family life.

He uses the example of a wife disliking a specific color tie (steel or teal blue) to illustrate how a husband's love seeks to please his object even in matters of preference not explicitly forbidden by Scripture.

were to say to me honey I know there's nothing in the Bible against it but for some reason steel or teal blue with ties that have semi-pagely print they just grind my socks. You'd never see another one around my neck you'd never see trousers of that color on me again not because it's sin but because there are lots of other colors available that wouldn't irritate my wife but some of you men too proud to engage in that kind of dialogue with your wife and then some of it's intellectual laziness you don't want to do what first Peter 3 7 says husbands dwell with your wives according to knowledge yo...

50:39 - 52:08 Read in full sermon

The point: Confront unpleasant situations with your wife when necessary, turning off the 'faucet' of contention and exercising headship with strength and love.

Martin uses the metaphor of 'domestic Chinese torture' (a continual dripping) to describe a contentious woman who knows her husband's aversion to confrontation, leading her to wear him down and causing him to capitulate and lose her respect.

just enough to fulfill what it says in the book of Proverbs Proverbs 21 in verse 13 she knows this verse as well as you do not 21 13 have the wrong reference 27 15 is another one of them let's hope that's the right one yes a continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman or alike your wife knows she can become your built-in Chinese torture chamber drip drip drip drip drip and she knows you're not man enough to turn the faucet off and back her down and so her remaining sin turns the faucet on and yours backs away until you capitulate and you know what happens she loses respect f...

53:38 - 55:05 Read in full sermon

The point: Confront unpleasant situations with your wife when necessary, turning off the 'faucet' of contention and exercising headship with strength and love.

He references Shakespeare's 'The Taming of the Shrew,' specifically Kate's speech about the bliss of submission, to illustrate how a woman's liberation can come when a man is determined to 'tame her' and exercise headship.

just enough to fulfill what it says in the book of Proverbs Proverbs 21 in verse 13 she knows this verse as well as you do not 21 13 have the wrong reference 27 15 is another one of them let's hope that's the right one yes a continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman or alike your wife knows she can become your built-in Chinese torture chamber drip drip drip drip drip and she knows you're not man enough to turn the faucet off and back her down and so her remaining sin turns the faucet on and yours backs away until you capitulate and you know what happens she loses respect f...

53:38 - 55:05 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not confirm your husband in his sins; instead, be an 'in-house Nathaness' to point out sin appropriately and in keeping with your dignity.

He cites Jezebel (with Ahab) and Sapphira (with Ananias) as two biblical examples of women who supported their husbands in sin, illustrating what biblical submission is NOT.

and its implications you will never be in Ephesians 5 woman remember submission does not mean supporting your husband in his sins there's two great examples of women who did it one in the old and one in the new and they aren't very pretty Jezebel with her Ahab and Sapphira with her Ananias and God had mercy on the man that has the moral courage to take God's side against her husband God gives a woman to be a helper answering to my need and when I sin what do I need not a wife to stroke me and confirm me in my sin but appropriately and in keeping with the dignity of her position and her husband...

58:00 - 59:30 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not confirm your husband in his sins; instead, be an 'in-house Nathaness' to point out sin appropriately and in keeping with your dignity.

Martin shares that his wife vowed to go to his fellow elders if he did not correct a sub-biblical pattern or sin she pointed out, illustrating a wife's role as an 'in-house Nathaness' and the importance of accountability.

and its implications you will never be in Ephesians 5 woman remember submission does not mean supporting your husband in his sins there's two great examples of women who did it one in the old and one in the new and they aren't very pretty Jezebel with her Ahab and Sapphira with her Ananias and God had mercy on the man that has the moral courage to take God's side against her husband God gives a woman to be a helper answering to my need and when I sin what do I need not a wife to stroke me and confirm me in my sin but appropriately and in keeping with the dignity of her position and her husband...

58:00 - 59:30 Read in full sermon