Framework, Goals, Suggested Method

The point: If you seek to counsel someone outside the context of their involvement in the total life and ministry of the church, you are seeking their maturation in a context that God himself does not envision.

These examples illustrate abnormal circumstances where God can mature a believer outside the ordinary church context, clarifying that the sermon focuses on normal frameworks.

And therefore, if you seek to counsel, that is, to give individual pastoral care to someone, out of that context, you are seeking that person's maturation in a context that God himself does not envision. Now, we are not saying that God cannot mature one of his own in abnormal circumstances, i.e., John on the Isle of Patmos, a believer locked up in a sick room.

2:41 - 3:09 Read in full sermon

The point: If you seek to counsel someone outside the context of their involvement in the total life and ministry of the church, you are seeking their maturation in a context that God himself does not envision.

A quote from J. Adams' 'The Christian Counselor's Manual' is used to underscore the church's unique resources (Word, Spirit, Church) and the minister's advantage over freelance counselors, particularly regarding preventive work and discipline.

But we're talking about the ordinary framework within which God accomplishes this work of maturation. And this is one of the emphases that J. Adams has given, among others, that is so refreshing. For example, in his work, The Christian Counselor's Manual, J. Adams writes on, page 12, the resources upon which a truly Christian counselor relies are the Word, the Spirit, and the Church. There are major differences between a minister and a freelance counselor. The minister has the opportunity to do the preventive work that preaching and regular pastoral care provides. The counselor outside of the ...

3:10 - 4:09 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not allow yourself to be like the father who neglects to feed his own children while going around the countryside looking for orphans to whom he can give a meal and on whose back he can put clothes. We are to shepherd…

This analogy warns ministers against neglecting their own flock (church members) by focusing too much on counseling those outside the church, likening it to a father feeding orphans while his own children starve.

But I emphasize this because in a day in which there's been a tremendous shift of emphasis on the role of the minister of God as a preacher of the word and a graciously assertive leadership among the people of God, a lot of people have the idea that the minister is this soft-handed, sweet guy who strokes you and who holds your hand and makes you feel good. And people will expect that of you in many communities. And if you allow yourself, you'll be like the father who neglects to feed his own children while going around the countryside looking for orphans to whom he can give a meal and on whose...

5:49 - 6:32 Read in full sermon

The point: Constantly ask yourself, 'Am I in this setting making unnecessary provision for the flesh to fulfill its lust?'

The analogy of Samson losing his strength after his hair was shorn is used to warn pastors that counseling situations, unlike public ministry, can be particularly compromising and lead to spiritual downfall if not guarded.

Colossians 3. That's to be the given out of which we labor and work. But putting on Christ is not equal to making no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof. And therefore, in this whole matter, particularly of counseling, it is very unlikely, you'll get in a compromising situation behind the pulpit.

8:18 - 8:38 Read in full sermon

The point: Try to create a warm, non-intimidating context in the physical surroundings of your counseling space.

Martin shares a personal anecdote about realizing that much of what he considered 'common sense' was actually wisdom deliberately imparted by his parents, illustrating that practical wisdom needs to be taught and not assumed.

I only underscore this so that you'll think about these things. And that's why I do it because I have found on things that in my upbringing I'd say, well, anyone half aware of who he is and the world around him, common sense would tell you such and such. I've lived long enough to know that much of what I call common sense was deliberately imparted into me. Indecisive wisdom from my mother and my father.

10:48 - 11:10 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: He outlines two goals: the proximate goal of creating a climate for meaningful communication, and the ultimate goal of seeing a lifestyle altered according to biblical norms…

This metaphor describes a counseling situation with a well-known church member where the pastor can immediately address the core issue without much preamble, like a surgeon who knows the patient well and can go straight to the problem.

And you can go right in and sometimes in those situations you don't even need to prep, the patient. You just say, bury your chest and you stick the scalpel in and split it open. You don't even need to pause to cauterize the bleeders. You know these people.

14:35 - 14:51 Read in full sermon

Driving home: In other words we are not concerned with mere behavior modification. We are not concerned with evangelical gospel transformation.

Martin recounts how he sometimes talks about birds and animals outside his study window to help a nervous or suspicious counselee relax, illustrating a practical way to create a secure and open climate for communication.

Well, you've got to be sensitive to that. And you've got to show them out the window and why you like to study where it is and you've got ten kinds of birds. I've done this many times. I talk about all the birds and all the animals in my backyard out my study window.

15:10 - 15:23 Read in full sermon

The point: If a person thinks it's not spiritual to understand his or her body chemistry and to take a lithium shot, you need to bring biblical perspectives to show them that God's provision in this realm is no more to be despised …

This example illustrates a situation where gospel motives alone are insufficient, and medical intervention (like lithium for chemical imbalance) may be necessary, highlighting the limits of pastoral counseling and the need for discernment.

It will help you to know when you're in over your head. If someone has a chemical imbalance that needs lithium no amount of gospel motive is going to help the person and you are a Job's comforter to press gospel motive to deal with something that maybe needs some shots of lithium. Now if a person thinks it's not spiritual to understand his or her body chemistry and to take a lithium shot now you need to bring biblical perspectives to show them that God's provision in this realm is no more to be despised than his provision in the realm of gospel. Unique gospel dynamics.

18:34 - 19:18 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin introduces the 'physician of souls' model with six stages: accepting the case, setting the tone, diagnosis, prescription of treatment, follow-up, and dismissal…

Martin shares a specific method of follow-up using code words with men struggling with masturbation, allowing for discreet progress reports in public settings and illustrating creative, personalized pastoral care.

I'm not saying that it must of necessity involve a formal pastoral counseling situation. Given the nature of the relationship, telephone calls, discreet words at the door will give illustrations of this. I'll only slip in one now to give you a little idea. When we've got men, not just young men, but men struggling with masturbation, we have code words.

23:45 - 24:06 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin introduces the 'physician of souls' model with six stages: accepting the case, setting the tone, diagnosis, prescription of treatment, follow-up, and dismissal…

He tells the story of a couple whose marital problems reached an impasse in counseling, only to be resolved years later when the Holy Spirit used a Sunday school class on parenting to convict the husband, illustrating the sovereignty of the Spirit in sanctification and the possibility of dismissal with an impasse.

And here again, I take my stand against even nephetic counselors that will say, if you do this, this, and this, then it, no, no, no, no, no, the ways of the Spirit are like the wind. And I could write a small book on how I've learned this over the years in this very assembly. I think of one couple where we came to an absolute impasse. There have been so many starts and falls, intentions in their marriage.

25:57 - 26:21 Read in full sermon

Driving home: There is no such thing as presuppositionally neutral counseling any more than there is presuppositionally neutral education.

Martin uses the analogy of his own presuppositions when beginning to speak (audience awake, intelligent, hearing) to explain what presuppositions are and how they operate, even unconsciously.

Now, you know what the presupposition is. That's something you assume to be true, whether rightly or wrongly, whether it's true or a lie. Now, when I stood to speak, I had some presuppositions. Presupposition one, you were all awake, that none of you was in a hypnotic trance or had learned the marvelous art of sleeping with your eyes open.

28:29 - 28:50 Read in full sermon

Driving home: There is no such thing as presuppositionally neutral counseling any more than there is presuppositionally neutral education.

The hypothetical story of a Frenchman speaking fluent French to an English-speaking audience, based on a false presupposition, illustrates how counseling can be ineffective if the counselor's presuppositions are not true or shared.

I didn't, through sign language, tell one of you to get somebody in here to sign for you. Those were all my presuppositions. Now, suppose we had a Frenchman visiting the area, and someone had told him how this terrible rumor ever got out, but that we had such high academic standards here in the academy that no one could be admitted who was not fully competent to understand and speak French. And he was apprised that anyone admitted to this academy was fluent in the French language, both in understanding and speaking.

29:14 - 29:48 Read in full sermon

The point: Reflect during and after counseling sessions whether biblical presuppositions are molding the way the person is responding, or if they are reflecting a victimization mentality.

The analogy of inhaling and exhaling oxygen, which happens constantly but often unconsciously, is used to explain how presuppositions are always active and operating in counseling, even if not always cognitively recognized.

Now, I'm not saying that there is a heightened consciousness of the whole set of presuppositions or any one of them at every point in the interaction. I'm not saying that. All of you, from the moment you came in this room and thankfully long before that, you have been inhaling and exhaling oxygen. Now, until I said the word inhale, exhale, I'd almost be willing to bet that if not one of you thought cognitively in the last 50 minutes, I have been inhaling, I have been exhaling, but you've been doing it in the same way our presuppositions are like breathing.

32:50 - 33:28 Read in full sermon

Driving home: Authoritative servanthood. In the counseling situation, conscious of your identity as an overseer in the flock, placed there by the operation of the Spirit of God, you must think of yourself in these categories among oth…

This analogy distinguishes between authoritarianism and legitimate authority, arguing that a policeman needs to be authoritative to direct traffic effectively, just as a pastor needs to exercise authority in counseling without being wimpish.

Now, a policeman can be authoritative and bully people with his badge, but I don't want a policeman directing traffic who says, I'm so afraid people think I'm abusing my authority.

40:07 - 40:17 Read in full sermon

Driving home: Authoritative servanthood. In the counseling situation, conscious of your identity as an overseer in the flock, placed there by the operation of the Spirit of God, you must think of yourself in these categories among oth…

The phrase 'holy grunt' or 'Rogerian grunt' is used to describe a passive, non-directive counseling approach that Martin argues against, emphasizing the need for authoritative guidance from the pastor.

I want a policeman that stands out in the square knowing what stands behind his badge, blows his whistle and puts his hand up. Now, that's a crude illustration, but you're living in a climate where this business of people being so fearful of being labeled authoritative, they become nothing less than wimpish. And particularly in the counseling situation, because they're not only bullied by an anti-authority climate in society at large and in many segments of the church, but the whole perspective of Jungian and Rogerian counseling where the essence of your ministry is the holy grunt.

40:20 - 40:59 Read in full sermon

Driving home: Preaching a felt Christ is crucial to preaching Christ. And it's the Spirit of God who gives us to preach a felt Christ in the act of preaching.

Martin describes the unique exhilaration and sense of God's nearness experienced in preaching, contrasting it with the more arduous nature of counseling, to highlight the different spiritual dynamics involved.

And you seldom have those aspects in that ministry that are so exhilarating in preaching. When you're preaching and your soul is inflamed with the truth, and you have that sense of the Lord's peculiar nearness, and you know that mind and tongue and spirit are experiencing things far beyond what is your own order, you're conscious that all kinds of things are going on that you can't explain, and it's wonderful. You say, man, if ever I've got to die, Lord, kill me when I'm preaching. Don't you feel that way?

46:07 - 46:35 Read in full sermon

The point: When you believe that if God took his hand off you for half a day, there's not a sin that anyone's committed you couldn't commit with a high hand, that communicates to God's people and helps them sense you will deal symp…

Martin shares his practice of telling struggling counselees that 'every sin in the Bible listed except bestiality has been confessed in this room' (later updated to include bestiality), which helps them open up, illustrating how a pastor's humility and non-judgmental attitude facilitates confession.

What I've often said, what I've said over the years when I sense that a person is struggling to get out some deep, dark secret, I stop them and I say, look, there's nothing that you're struggling to tell me that's not been heard in this room and no one has ever got it out when it needed to come out and been crowned upon, been treated as junk. I used to say, every sin in the Bible listed except bestiality has been confessed in this room and not a person has been sent away being treated like junk. I no longer have to give the exception clause. There's not a sin listed in the Old or New Testament...

54:13 - 55:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Guard your heart in the midst of the counseling session, asking, 'Am I crossing the line from loving, sensitive, judicious inquiry to be an able physician? Or am I indulging in a form of mental voyeurism?'

The example of a church member confessing a sexual sin is used to argue against bland neutrality in counseling, asserting that a pastor should show appropriate emotional reactions like grief or disappointment, as Christ did.

Again, this idea that the person who counsels is to show no emotional reaction. You have a true child of God that you thought was walking in integrity and he comes in your study, as I have had, and says in a moment of weakness he plunked out his fifty bucks and spent an hour in a cheap hotel off 42nd Street and lay with a hooker. If you can sit there and look at one of your sheep and not weep or say, Brother, I'm grieved. I'm disappointed in you.

57:09 - 57:34 Read in full sermon

The point: If you come to counseling sessions thinking you can come that close to the sins of others and not have it the occasion of your sin unless you watch and pray, you'll be a monument to your own self-trust. Don't trust your …

Martin shares a personal experience of having a 'wretched thought' of fulfilling a single girl's yearnings during a counseling session, illustrating the constant need for a pastor to guard his heart and fight sin, even in ministry.

Whatever it is, remember, you come into the counseling session to deal with the sheep, often who has a problem with a specific sin, but you come there as a sinner and then you will jealously guard your thoughts. What do you think when the single girl opens her heart and speaks of her frustrations and her yearnings to be a wife and a mother and be loved and possessed? In a biblical way and to have sexual fulfillment and the arrow come, hmm, you could fulfill her. Just a passing thought.

57:59 - 58:30 Read in full sermon

The point: Let every appointment for a counseling session, as every commitment to preach, be a fresh and powerful call to make sure that we have a conscience void of offense to God and void of offense to God.

An extended quotation from John Owen (Volume 16, page 85) is used to describe the pastor's duty to comfort and relieve the tempted, emphasizing the need for the 'tongue of the learned' and the sources of this skill (scriptures, meditation, prayer, experience, observation).

Then, dear brethren, you and I must recognize that if we are to have that acquaintance with our own hearts and with the ways of our own winding, devious pressures of remaining sin and the wonders of the manifold, many-sided grace of God, we've got to be living in that stuff in our own closets. For it's going to show in ineffective and unfruitful pastoral counseling. I remind you of the words of Owen, who, in setting out the requirements for the duties of pastors, writes in volume 16 and page 85, it belongs unto them on account of their pastoral office, see how he underscores that, to be ready,...

64:43 - 66:12 Read in full sermon

The point: Earn, by God's grace, the reputation for being a godly man, one who walks with integrity, one willing to own his sins privately and publicly, one seeking to press back new dimensions of conformity to Christ, so that your…

A letter from Pastor McDiarmid is quoted, adding the dimension that a counselee's readiness to seek counsel is dependent on their conviction that the pastor himself pursues godliness, linking the pastor's credibility to his perceived spiritual vitality.

After he sat in on the session, he wrote to me several days after and he said, thank you for the lunch and time we had together last Friday. I thought about point C under one. That's when the outline was different. The pastoral counseling handout in the indispensability of the pastor's pursuit of godliness relative to the counselor-counselee relations and relationship.

68:43 - 69:07 Read in full sermon