The Biblical Training of Our Children, Part 4

The point: Be discerning when choosing books on family life and child-rearing, as many are not worth the paper they're printed on.

Recommended as the finest treatment of biblical materials on the use of the rod, contrasting it with other 'kinky' or imbalanced works.

I do not know of any finer treatment of the biblical materials than Bruce Ray's book, Withhold Not Correction. The little leaflet that has been quite popular, children, fun or frenzy, has some very, very kinky elements in it. It has some good things in it, but people tend to grasp on the kinky elements and pass by the good. But I know of very little, if anything, in Bruce Ray's book, that is out of line with Scripture and out of balance with the whole witness of the Word of God concerning the sanctified use of the rod.

1:40 - 2:21 Read in full sermon

The point: Be discerning when choosing books on family life and child-rearing, as many are not worth the paper they're printed on.

Recommended for its insights on a father being open and communicative with his children, despite the author's personal struggles.

And then Gordon McDonald's book, The Effective Father, while weak in the area of the application of the rod, is one of the finest books on the subject of a father being an open man to his children. A father being...

2:22 - 2:40 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin expresses deep gratitude on behalf of all attendees to the brethren at Mebane for their planning, labor, and Christian grace in hosting the conference, inviting an 'Amen'…

Martin humorously refers to himself as the 'elderly gentleman' mentioned earlier, using it as a transition to express gratitude to the conference hosts.

and since the person who said that did not have the moral courage to name me, I must assume that he was referring to me. All of the circumstances of the story. I don't think there was a sentence, the elderly gentleman who preached the evening before, I don't think there were many who would fit that description. But seriously, I do feel a constraint for which no one has pressured me, but it comes out of my own heart to express, I am sure, on behalf of everyone who is here at this conference, our deep sense of gratitude and indebtedness to our Brethren at Mebane, for all of the planning, for all...

6:31 - 7:58 Read in full sermon

Driving home: I suggest that the primary function of the rod is to impress upon the plastic moldable soul of a child those two great realities namely subjugation of their wills to constituted authority and the impartation of the convi…

Explains how the rod, by teaching retributive justice through physical consequences, can impress upon a child the reality of God's judgment against sin, thus 'delivering his soul from hell' by preparing him for the Gospel.

Could it be that this is why we read in the book of Proverbs chapter 23 and verse 413, withhold not correction from the child for if thou beat him with the rod he will not die. He may holler like he thinks he's dying but he won't. Thou shall beat him with the rod. Now notice, and deliver his soul from hell.

36:44 - 37:18 Read in full sermon

The point: Apply the rod when a reasonable, clearly perceived directive is wantonly refused by the child, to train their will to obey.

A child refusing to say hello to the pastor, despite being able to greet others, illustrates a child's willful defiance of a reasonable directive, emphasizing that 'the issue is not the issue' but the clash of wills.

And you see the issue is not the issue. You see it's not the thing itself. For example, your child can say hello to the birds, hello to his dog, hello to his pet cockroach, but lo and behold when you walk out with him in hand Sunday morning and the preacher bends down and says, hi sweetie, and the parent says, say hello to the pastor, suddenly sweetie becomes a mute. And you know what breaks my heart?

40:42 - 41:23 Read in full sermon

The point: Apply the rod when a reasonable, clearly perceived directive is wantonly refused by the child, to train their will to obey.

A child throwing a small piece of straw on the floor and then picking up a hundred other straws illustrates selective obedience and the importance of addressing the specific, reasonable directive given, not just the general act of cleaning.

Many a parent just walks by, and says, oh I wouldn't make an issue over that. My friend, the issue is not the issue. That child is learning that you can give a reasonable and clear directive and he can defy it and get away with it. The child may take his straw after you've gone to Hardee's or Wendy's, break it up into a hundred pieces and throw one little piece on the floor while looking at you.

41:23 - 42:03 Read in full sermon

The point: Apply the rod when a reasonable, clearly perceived directive is wantonly refused by the child, to train their will to obey.

Martin recounts his granddaughter Justly's refusal to say 'Hi Pop-Pop' and his daughter-in-law's persistent use of the rod until Justly obeyed, demonstrating the necessity of conquering a child's will over seemingly small matters to prevent future erosion of authority.

And you've already taught the child he can do his wills even in the face of your clearly expressed will. I can remember my mother having sessions for an hour and a half over something so little as picking up a Kleenex. It was all out war. Now that I'm a grandfather I saw it two weeks ago.

42:51 - 43:16 Read in full sermon

The point: Keep family worship flexible and meaningful, seeking God's guidance on what will meet the children's needs, and use other men's works to avoid 'preaching at' your own kids.

Martin shares his practice of using works by Bridges and Ryle in family worship to avoid his children getting 'sick and tired' of his own preaching, encouraging variety and engagement.

That's why with much of my family worship I use the works of other men. So my kids grew up with Bridges and Bishop Ryle preaching at them. And they let them preach with their own mouth. When they got old enough to read, let them read.

56:45 - 57:00 Read in full sermon

The point: Keep family worship flexible and meaningful, seeking God's guidance on what will meet the children's needs, and use other men's works to avoid 'preaching at' your own kids.

Suggests using 'Pilgrim's Progress' in family worship, assigning roles and analyzing characters to make the time meaningful and foster spiritual communication.

Go through Pilgrim's Progress, role play, pass out copies. Let one of your kids be pliable. Let one of them be talkative. Let them enter into it and then get them to analyze it.

57:00 - 57:11 Read in full sermon

The point: Have special, formal times to sit down with dignity and appropriate terminology to describe bodily functions and sexuality as children enter puberty.

A tragic anecdote of a girl burning her pajamas out of shame after her first period highlights the failure of parents to formally and dignifiedly discuss bodily functions and sexuality with their children.

Use sanctified imagination. Make that structured time meaningful insofar as it lies within your power. There should be formal and structured admonition, family worship, under that heading specific times when there are specific needs in the development of your children. I grieve for the father who when his sons and daughters are coming into puberty does not have special times to sit down and formally and with dignity and with anatomy charts and with sound anatomical terminology describe their bodily functions.

57:20 - 58:05 Read in full sermon

The point: Have special, formal times to sit down with dignity and appropriate terminology to describe bodily functions and sexuality as children enter puberty.

Martin shares his personal experience of learning about sex from another child on the street, leading to his determination to teach his own son the facts of life in a loving, biblical context.

What a tragedy. And this was told to my face when a girl has her first period and is so ashamed she burns her pajamas. It's enough to make you weep. When a boy can remember the spot on the street where some kid told him what his dad had to do to his mom to get him started in his mommy's tummy and he wanted to go home and mass his father's face.

58:05 - 58:35 Read in full sermon

The point: Have special, formal times to sit down with dignity and appropriate terminology to describe bodily functions and sexuality as children enter puberty.

Martin recounts teaching his son about sexuality using 'Susie's Babies' and Grey's Anatomy charts, culminating in prayer and gratitude for God's creation, emphasizing the importance of formal, dignified instruction.

I was that kid. And I determined my son would not learn the facts of life that way. And so it meant when the kids began to come into puberty there were special times with my own son Saturday mornings when we sat with Susie's babies. Best little primer on sexuality I know, it's out of print.

58:35 - 59:03 Read in full sermon

The point: Seize occasions for individual admonition as children wrestle with life's career and gifts, and continue hands-on parenting even as they prepare to leave the nest.

Martin describes doing 'more hands-on parenting' with his older teens late at night as they prepared for marriage, illustrating the ongoing need for admonition even as children approach adulthood.

And those last three years we did more hands-on parenting than we ever did in our lives. I'd come down from my study after counseling till 9, 30 and 10 and think, boy, I can take my clothes off put my pajamas on and relax a little bit. And there's one of the kids lying on the bed with my wife and I'd have to ask permission to use their room to put my pajamas on. Sure, there were times I resented it.

60:13 - 60:38 Read in full sermon

The point: Be observant and discerning of the world around you and of your children next to you, learning lessons from life and applying them through admonition.

Uses the example from Proverbs of observing the sluggard's field to illustrate the importance of being observant and discerning of the world and its lessons, drawing conclusions about the devastating effects of laziness.

Two examples out of Proverbs. Remember what the writer said, I went by the field of the sluggard and I saw. You see, he just didn't walk by the field and not observe. He stopped.

64:57 - 65:18 Read in full sermon

The point: Be observant and discerning of the world around you and of your children next to you, learning lessons from life and applying them through admonition.

Uses the father's observation through his lattice in Proverbs 7 to illustrate the need for parents to be observant and discerning of dangers in the world, and to use that discernment to issue strong warnings to their children against immorality.

He said, sluggardliness will be as devastating as an armed robber. The process will be slower, but the result just is drastic. He was an observer of the world, of the world around him and of his children next to him. And in that classic warning about immorality, Proverbs 7, you remember how it begins?

66:25 - 66:55 Read in full sermon

The point: Fathers, teach your daughters about modesty, as only men truly understand the perversity of other men.

Martin recounts telling his daughter why her tight-fitting jeans were inappropriate, explaining how men would perceive her, to teach her about modesty, demonstrating a father's role in admonishing daughters on such matters.

I remember the first time one of my own daughters who had a pair of jeans that were fine for her when she was a little girl and fine when she was working around the house. But as you girls know, when you're starting to become a woman and physiologically, God's causing your pelvic structure to be prepared for childbearing, the hips widen, and before long, it's no longer a little girl, it's a young woman with flesh in places both behind and above that mark her out as a young woman. And I'm not at all embarrassed to speak this bluntly. Ezekiel 16 makes that look very, very restrained.

69:47 - 70:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Talk to your daughters and explain why they should aim for their first romantic kiss to be with the man they marry, empowering them to set boundaries.

Martin shares his determination that his daughters' first romantic kiss would be with their future husbands, illustrating the importance of setting high standards and admonishing children about purity and self-respect in dating.

They brought up the subject. I was told I was unrealistic. I said, I'm determined by the grace of God. And my girls, the first man they'll ever kiss on the lips romantically will be the man that will marry them.

72:18 - 72:30 Read in full sermon

The point: Fathers, communicate your standards and expectations regarding purity to your daughters' suitors.

Martin recounts his daughter's glowing face after her first kiss with her now-husband, confirming she had upheld the standard, illustrating the fruit of consistent admonition and the joy of seeing children embrace biblical values.

That's biblical. That's moral law. And I'll never forget the night when one of my daughters came in after the young man had already expressed his intentions to me and I had consented after spending many, many hours with him in the home getting to know him. And I looked at her and I said, so and so.

73:23 - 73:43 Read in full sermon

The point: Fathers, communicate your standards and expectations regarding purity to your daughters' suitors.

Martin describes his conversation with his future son-in-law about his daughter's purity standards, illustrating the father's role in protecting his daughter and communicating expectations to potential suitors.

Ask him if he has any resentment because I talked to him when he started dating her. I said, hey, you know what you're dating? You're dating an attractive young woman that at least two other adult males have dated and no one's ever kissed her on the lips romantically but her dad. And I don't want you spoiling that record until it's clear that God's given you to one another.

74:06 - 74:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Possess moral courage to take God's side against your children, even if it means they threaten to turn against you.

Eli's failure to restrain his wicked sons, merely 'whimpering' instead of taking decisive action, serves as a 'sickening example' of a parent lacking moral courage, leading to God's severe judgment.

And if you're unwilling for the sword, you do not have the moral courage to discipline and admonish in the power and in the wisdom of the Holy Ghost. May God use the ministry of our brethren in these morning sessions lest we end up like Eli. You want a sickening example of a man who lacked moral courage? Turn to 1 Samuel 3, 13 and look at it.

77:47 - 78:19 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not carry the false burden that your child's rebellion or damnation is proof of your failure, as God's electing grace is not bound to means.

Quotes Isaiah 1 where God says, 'I have nourished and brought up children and they have rebelled against me,' to counter the false doctrine that perfect parenting guarantees conversion, showing that even God's perfect fathering can be met with rebellion.

There are some children who will have godly nurture, and yet they will reject it and will be damned. Ultimately because God's electing grace is not bound to bloodlines or to the best of means. And I rest my case on two simple pillars. Isaiah 1, God says these words, I have nourished and brought up children and they have rebelled against me.

83:00 - 83:34 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not carry the false burden that your child's rebellion or damnation is proof of your failure, as God's electing grace is not bound to means.

Refers to the 'foolish son' in Proverbs and the provision in Deuteronomy for a gluttonous and drunkard son to be cut off, illustrating that good counsel and chastisement do not always prevent a child from choosing a foolish path.

You may have a child cut off in his or her sin. Don't carry the false burden that that's proof that you failed. That's a horrible doctrine. And the second pillar on which I rest my case is the doctrine of the foolish son in the book of Proverbs.

84:09 - 84:32 Read in full sermon