Christian and Common Courtesy

Driving home: In other words, all of the ethical demands at the horizontal level embodied in the law and the prophets finds its distillation in this pithy little golden rule.

Martin uses the example of a pervert wanting to be beaten with whips to illustrate that the Golden Rule assumes normal, non-perverted expectations of how people treat one another, preventing a misapplication of the principle.

As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. Now, the assumption is that the do unto you is the normal, non-perverted expectation of others' treatment of me. Someone who's a pervert may want someone to beat him with whips to get a sexual high. Now, therefore, you go beat others with whips.

8:22 - 8:43 Read in full sermon

Driving home: In other words, all of the ethical demands at the horizontal level embodied in the law and the prophets finds its distillation in this pithy little golden rule.

Martin uses the vivid examples of someone burping or picking their nose at the table to highlight common behaviors that are considered discourteous and cause discomfort, reinforcing the desire for courteous treatment as per the Golden Rule.

Now, is there anyone here who does not like to be treated in a courteous, polite, helpful, considerate way, both with respect to people's actions and words, to you? Anyone here? Anyone here who delights to be treated in a way that would speak of insensitivity to ordinary social expectations? Do you delight to have people burp out loud at your table and not say excuse me?

9:00 - 9:30 Read in full sermon

Driving home: He is not looking to his own things, but to the things of another. And it's very interesting that it's precisely in that setting in John 13 that Jesus says, I have given you an example that you should do. As I've done to…

The example of a man helping a woman put on her coat is used to illustrate a Christ-like mind, showing that he is 'not looking to his own things, but to the things of others' by prioritizing her comfort.

Philippians 2, 3, and 4. It is an expression of a Christ-like mind. Nothing is to be done through faction or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind, each counting other better than himself. Not looking each of you to his own things.

18:01 - 18:18 Read in full sermon

Driving home: He is not looking to his own things, but to the things of another. And it's very interesting that it's precisely in that setting in John 13 that Jesus says, I have given you an example that you should do. As I've done to…

Jesus washing the disciples' feet in John 13 is presented as an example of Christ taking the place of a servant in a common cultural courtesy, demonstrating His Christ-like mind and setting an example for believers.

He is not looking to his own things, but to the things of another. And it's very interesting that it's precisely in that setting in John 13 that Jesus says, I have given you an example that you should do. As I've done to you. And what was he doing?

19:05 - 19:21 Read in full sermon

The point: Learn to resist instincts that might be construed as disgraceful or dishonorable in another culture, adapting behavior to cultural norms.

Martin recounts his experience in Pakistan, learning specific cultural courtesies like not touching women, touching foreheads for greetings, and the three-embrace greeting for men, to illustrate how love adapts to cultural demands to avoid being disgraceful or dishonorable.

It is a compliment to your host and hostess. Now, I do know by experience that when I went to Pakistan, one of the first things I did was to ask all kinds of questions about the common courtesies in the Pakistani culture. And I soon learned that in that culture, a man does not touch a female, unless it's a very small girl. A girl, whom he may pick up in his arms, even girls that are this tall, you don't shake their hand, you don't hug them, you want to show an affectionate greeting, you just touch them on the forehead.

20:58 - 21:28 Read in full sermon

The point: Learn to resist instincts that might be construed as disgraceful or dishonorable in another culture, adapting behavior to cultural norms.

The story of Daniel, in whom no fault could be found except concerning his God, is used to illustrate how good manners and courtesy contribute to a persuasive testimony to outsiders, as any discourtesy would surely have been noted by his enemies.

Now, this was, in part, touched upon by Johnny's text, Galatians 6.10. But in Romans 13.13 and 1 Thessalonians 4.12, we are admonished to walk becomingly towards those that are without. And I was meditating upon this. I thought of Daniel. It says they could find no fault in him except in the things, what?

23:10 - 23:32 Read in full sermon

The point: Be courteous and considerate in driving attitudes and patterns.

Martin shares his personal experience of praying for common grace or a Christian to let him out of traffic on Route 23, illustrating the need for courtesy and consideration in driving attitudes and patterns.

All right, in driving our cars. Now, specifically, that means if anyone is going to stop and let the man out who's stuck in a little side street in a line of traffic and desperately wanting to get out, as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. What do ye more than others, Jesus said. I mean, I have literally found myself praying sometimes in that situation with the way Route 23 has been glutted since Willowbrook opened and we have to make an entrance and exit off that to get to our home.

26:50 - 27:25 Read in full sermon

The point: Be courteous and friendly in situations where it is not normally expected, such as with service workers.

Martin describes his practice of being overly courteous to toll booth attendants, even when they don't respond, to illustrate the challenge of returning courtesy for discourtesy and the potential positive impact on someone who may be treated impersonally by others.

In other words, something like being courteous and friendly in an area where you would normally not have any reason to be courteous or friendly in the world, let's say, all right, in the situation where we would naturally be tempted to return courteness for courteness, I find a challenge. Every time I drive up to a toll booth and if I have to get change, I say, or if I need a receipt, may I please have a receipt, sir? I say it is sweet. I mean, honey is dripping all off it.

29:30 - 30:03 Read in full sermon

The point: Make an effort to be aware of, master, and practice social customs that symbolize preferring others above ourselves, until they become second nature.

Pastor Clark's anecdote about the Chinese custom of asking a stranger's age immediately is used to illustrate how cultural contexts define appropriate verbal exchange and respect for age, showing that courtesy is culturally specific but universally applicable in principle.

I had in my notes such as please and thank you. The whole matter of the acceptable table manners in any given culture. What is an acceptable medium or focal point of verbal exchange? Pastor Clark, as we were discussing this last night, said, he understands and has heard that in China, it is socially acceptable in that cultural context, in fact, expected that one of the first questions you ask when you meet a stranger is how old are you?

33:06 - 33:34 Read in full sermon

Driving home: I say that courtesy is sacrificial symbolism because each act is a small sign that you're willing to give your life for another.

Martin quotes Betty Elliot's book 'The Mark of a Man' to define courtesy as 'sacrificial symbolism,' where each act is a small sign of willingness to give one's life for another, reinforcing the deep meaning behind courteous actions.

I think it's part of God's judgment on our own mixed-up society that God had to use a woman, and I don't say that demeaning a woman because I wouldn't be quoting her if I were demeaning her. That God's had to use her to use a woman to state in the best way I've seen in modern literature of anything I've read what a real man is.

39:19 - 39:38 Read in full sermon

Driving home: I say that courtesy is sacrificial symbolism because each act is a small sign that you're willing to give your life for another.

Betty Elliot's account of Lot observing courtesies towards the angels in Sodom is quoted to illustrate historical examples of courtesy as sacrificial symbolism and responsibility for guests.

And then she quotes the passage from Luke chapter 7. Then she shows that when the two angels came to Sodom, Lot observed the courtesies of his time. He rose from his seat, bowed with his face to the earth, invited them to spend the night at his house and washed their feet. When they accepted the invitation, he baked bread and made a feast.

40:44 - 41:02 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate verbal interactions that fully recognize and respect the rights of privacy.

Martin recounts an incident where a woman bluntly asked a struggling, childless church member, 'Are you pregnant yet?', illustrating a severe violation of privacy and the pain caused by discourteous, intrusive questions.

And there are times when some of God's people in this place have mistaken unqualified acceptance of one another in Christ as a blank check to unlimited right of access to all the details about one another. For example, years ago, and I'm thankful the woman is no longer in the church, so if she was sitting here, you couldn't find who she was by looking for the reddest face. But we had a group of women over at the parsonage. And as a good pastor is supposed to do, I left the women alone and was up in my study.

42:49 - 43:23 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that well-intentioned actions can be discourteous if they violate canons of privacy or social norms.

Martin suggests that the intrusive and brash behavior of news media, zooming in on tragedy and asking insensitive questions, might have influenced believers to disregard privacy, serving as a warning against being patterned after the world.

And it may be, I'm only suggesting, it may be that because many people watch regularly the network news, you've picked up the unassumed perspective of the news media. You've picked up the unnamed perspective of the news media. They feel they have unlimited access in right to everything that goes on. And their brashness disgusts me and angers me.

46:28 - 46:53 Read in full sermon