Questions and Answers

The point: Look for biblical virtues and pray for eyes to behold true beauty, rather than being solely swayed by initial physical attraction.

Martin cites Sarah, Isaac's wife, and Job's daughters as biblical examples of beautiful women, using them to underscore that striking beauty is an exception, not the rule, and thus not a prerequisite for marriage.

Quite simply, my question is this, what part does physical attractiveness play in finding someone answering to you? Now, again, this shows great wisdom. You see what the brother has done here. He sees some biblical materials and he's trying to reconcile them. And then he says, now, what is the one common denominator that I'm looking for? And then he states it. That's a very good example of problem solving. You take your biblical data, on the one hand this, on the other hand this, what is the real question, and then seek to resolve it. Well, I think the answer is quite clear. And let me just mi...

0:57 - 2:07 Read in full sermon

The point: Look for biblical virtues and pray for eyes to behold true beauty, rather than being solely swayed by initial physical attraction.

He compares mentioning a woman's beauty to not mentioning she has two hands, illustrating that beauty is noted because it's uncommon, unlike common traits.

be mentioned. It doesn't say, and so and so took a woman who had two hands. That's a common denominator. But he took a wife who was beautiful to look upon. That set her apart from the average, you see. So that, again, the exception is not to be despised if God did something to Abraham, a beautiful woman named Sarah. He should receive her as a gift from God. But he is not to assume, unless God gives me a beautiful woman, I will not look at her twice. So I think that's the proper assessment of those who are mentioned as beautiful. Esther was a beauty queen, beauty queen of Persia, she became. Ex...

2:07 - 2:55 Read in full sermon

The point: Look for biblical virtues and pray for eyes to behold true beauty, rather than being solely swayed by initial physical attraction.

Esther's story as the beauty queen of Persia is used to show that exceptional beauty is recognized and chosen, but not to be assumed as a standard for all.

be mentioned. It doesn't say, and so and so took a woman who had two hands. That's a common denominator. But he took a wife who was beautiful to look upon. That set her apart from the average, you see. So that, again, the exception is not to be despised if God did something to Abraham, a beautiful woman named Sarah. He should receive her as a gift from God. But he is not to assume, unless God gives me a beautiful woman, I will not look at her twice. So I think that's the proper assessment of those who are mentioned as beautiful. Esther was a beauty queen, beauty queen of Persia, she became. Ex...

2:07 - 2:55 Read in full sermon

The point: Make yourself as attractive as you can be with what God has given you, stewarding your physical frame.

Martin uses the analogy of not being able to turn a Ford into a Cadillac, but being able to improve its appearance (hubcaps, polish, oil change, slipcovers), to illustrate that individuals should make the best of their physical appearance without trying to be something they're not.

Well, I think again I've in part answered that by saying we should make ourselves as attractive as we can be with what we've got. Now you can never turn Ford into Cadillac. But you can sure put some nice hubcaps on it. You can polish it.

4:42 - 5:01 Read in full sermon

The point: Make yourself as attractive as you can be with what God has given you, stewarding your physical frame.

He gives examples of girls transformed from 'plain Janes' to 'reasonably attractive' through changes in hairstyle, judicious makeup, and new wardrobes, demonstrating practical ways to improve appearance without losing Christian reserve.

And it's amazing again. Now someone would say, do you think it's wrong for a Christian girl to go to a beautician and say, what's the best thing to be done with my hair in terms of my face? I don't think that's wrong at all. And I've seen some girls who've been literally changed from plain James to reasonably attractive girls simply by a change of hairstyle.

5:10 - 5:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Make yourself as attractive as you can be with what God has given you, stewarding your physical frame.

Martin recounts telling young girls who were dressing provocatively, 'Girls, I understand basic human anatomy. I don't need to have a lesson every time you walk by me,' to distinguish between being attractive and trying to be sexy.

Wanting to be attractive and trying to appear sexy are two different things. You don't need to prove the truth. You don't need to prove to tellers that you're a woman and that a woman's anatomy is different from a man's. As I told a group of young people this summer, there were some of those girls going around trying to give me an anatomy lesson every time they walked.

5:52 - 6:10 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate in your children the realization that they are to do the best with what God has given them in terms of their physical appearance and how they dress.

He uses his daughters, Heidi (tall and angular) and Beth (more squat), to illustrate how parents can teach children to dress in ways that best suit their God-given body types, making the most of what they have.

And if she's got too much, she can do something to lose some of it. You see? And if she doesn't have enough, well, she can wear the kind of clothing which she's one of my daughters is probably going to be unusually tall and angular. We call it, we call it spiders, I mean.

6:22 - 6:41 Read in full sermon

The point: It is better to err on the side of caution and wait longer to commit in a relationship than to get burned.

Martin compares understanding someone through letters to understanding them in person, noting that letters can be a poor basis for true understanding due to varying gifts of expression, thus requiring a longer courtship.

They know what their spiritual dimensions are, their spiritual perspectives, their theological concepts are. Well, it's obvious. It's obvious that a relationship like that could develop into serious courtship and commitment and engagement legitimately so much quicker than something, say, two of you may meet here this weekend and begin to correspond and you live miles apart and you begin to share letters. But letters are a very poor basis to really understand someone.

11:12 - 11:39 Read in full sermon

Driving home: It is abnormal for people of marriageable age to be content with mixed social groups.

He shares how guys in his Friday night class, initially comfortable in a mixed group, eventually come to him saying their eyes are drawn to one specific girl, illustrating the natural progression from group interaction to individual interest.

Either you begin to feel uncomfortable in that kind of mixed situation, or when you get negative polarity next to positive polarity, something's gonna happen. So what happens is, and I think this is, we see it happening in our own situation. You know, I mean, I've had a number of guys come to me in the past few weeks. All of them attend that Friday night class.

14:39 - 15:04 Read in full sermon

The point: Pastors should not be embarrassed to engage in 'cooperative matchmaking' by offering counsel and recommendations to singles seeking a spouse.

Martin mentions Roger and Jane's marriage, where his 'nudge' helped a relationship that was already developing, illustrating his role in 'cooperative matchmaking'.

And several of those have eventuated in marriage. Now, I'm not going to say I kidded you about this thing, but Roger's interest in Jane preceded my giving him a push in certain areas. I mean, he was in the way before I nudged him. I just helped nudge him a little bit.

21:06 - 21:20 Read in full sermon

The point: Pastors should not be embarrassed to engage in 'cooperative matchmaking' by offering counsel and recommendations to singles seeking a spouse.

He recounts instances where he literally took a fellow's hand and a girl's hand and encouraged them to get to know each other, seeing it as a God-used means, similar to Abraham's servant.

But there are one or two instances where, under God, I was able, actually, in a sense, to take the fellow's hand and the girl's hand and put together and say, now, walk a bit and begin to get to know each other, where I've seen those hands join with a man's hand. And I don't feel I was carnal in doing that any more than Abraham's servant was sent out of the Lord to get a wife for Isaac. I think there's the matter of God using the means. And I think we need, at this point, to see if our pastors and elders will see this dimension and we'll feel that we can have them as a liaison, it will be help...

21:20 - 21:54 Read in full sermon

The point: If you have scars from bad associations, observe happy Christian families in the church to see what God's grace can make marriage.

Keith Gates, who thought he'd never marry, was persuaded by observing the happy marriage of John and Carla Spence while living in Geneva House, illustrating the healing power of observing godly marriages.

We've had two or three marriages in Trinity in the past two or three years that have been the direct result of exposure to happy couples. People that I could parade here, today, who would say, well, I know he wouldn't mind me using him. I'll use Keith Gates as an example. You see, as someone who said he determined that he wouldn't be married probably ever, if not for years.

23:47 - 24:09 Read in full sermon

The point: When considering marriage, assess whether there is such a diversity of cultural perspectives that people cannot 'lock in' to each other's wavelength, as this would make any marriage undesirable.

Martin shares an example of a missionary friend who married a Filipino woman, which gave him 'great entree' to the people, demonstrating how an interracial marriage can be a tremendous impetus for the Gospel.

Now there is a second area that you must be concerned about and that is the marriage of our particular calling and station in life. For instance, if I were attempting, if God had given me to minister, say, in the deep South, it would be unlikely that God would have me minister there and take to myself a black woman as my wife. Conversely, there are situations where an interracial marriage is a tremendous impetus to the God. I know a situation where a missionary friend of mine was raised in the Philippines and took a Filipino wife and he gave him great entree to the people. It was his way, in t...

32:35 - 33:52 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin asserts that the Bible does not condemn interracial marriage, only mixed marriages between believers and unbelievers. He discusses cultural diversity as a factor…

He describes his own marriage to a woman from a 'totally different background' as greatly enriching his life and sympathy, allowing him to 'read the world through her eyes,' illustrating how diversity can be helpful.

I came from a very stable Christian home, ten children, second oldest, I have two fathers, and then I have two, so my brother is the big one. I'm married just upon the marriage ceremony to five of my own sisters. All kinds of security, you see. I never thought about, am I loved?

37:16 - 37:34 Read in full sermon

The point: If you want to be a husband, seek a situation where you can adequately provide for a wife and children, considering trades as a viable option.

Paul's tent-making is cited as an example of the old Jewish notion that every young Jewish boy learns a trade, providing a reliable skill for self-sufficiency and marketability.

And of course, this makes it difficult, because maybe the machinist trade, the top dollar for a man who's worked for 20 years is $5 an hour. And he has real skills far beyond maybe someone who's only been a carpenter for 15 years. But in spite of those particular problems, I think the old Jewish notion that a fellow, every young Jewish boy learns a trade. That's why Paul could make tents.

42:01 - 42:25 Read in full sermon

The point: If you face your financial situation realistically and are willing to live within your means, you can marry and start living together without a large bank account.

Martin recounts furnishing his first living room for $75 with old, over-stuffed furniture and slipcovers, illustrating that couples can marry and live frugally within their means rather than waiting for financial abundance.

If you face realistically your financial situation, and you're willing to live within your means and scrape together for the privilege of being able to begin to live together as husband and wife, then fine, go ahead. You don't need a bank account, just so long as you're not tempting God. There is a reasonable means of supply with your present circumstances, and you're going to be content maybe to, you know, uh, have orange straights for, for dress and drawers for a while, and either couple could have done that. When we first furnished our home after we were married, and we were living on a, we...

46:17 - 47:28 Read in full sermon