Discipline of Children

The point: Read the booklet 'Children, Fun or Frenzy' together as couples and come prepared to discuss it.

Martin assigns a 17-page booklet, 'Children, Fun or Frenzy,' as homework for couples, describing it as scriptural and biographical, to prepare them for discussion on family living.

Now then, to review what we have covered in our two previous sessions, we are considering these nights the general subject of God's directives for family living. Up until now, you've had no homework, but you're going to have homework this week. And the homework will be to read through, if you are couples here tonight, you're to read through together this book, Children, Fun or Frenzy. It should say a booklet, just 17 pages, just a nice evening together, sitting down.

0:00 - 0:37 Read in full sermon

The point: Read the booklet 'Children, Fun or Frenzy' together as couples and come prepared to discuss it.

He uses the analogy of standing before God, who will ask 'What did you do with what I told you in my word?' rather than 'What did you do with Dr. Spock?', to emphasize the sole authority of Scripture in parenting.

But we are coming at this subject from the standpoint of what saith the scriptures, in the light of the message Sunday morning, believing that every scripture is inspired of God and is prophetic, and is accountable for doctrine. We are convinced that the doctrine of the home is found in this book, and all we need to know about family living can be found within the pages of this book. And in the light of this tremendous deposit of truth, we need to remind ourselves of the words of Jesus, who said, The word that I have spoken unto you, it shall judge you in the last day. By that, our Lord is say...

1:47 - 2:38 Read in full sermon

Driving home: The word that I have spoken unto you, it shall judge you in the last day. By that, our Lord is saying, when you and I stand before God, to give account of our stewardship as parents, the Lord is not going to say, Now, wh…

He describes drawing a circle with man, woman, and children inside, and God above and within it, to illustrate the essential framework for family living and how its rupture leads to breakdown.

Our goal in these sessions is not to be exhaustive, to try to anticipate every particular problem of family living and to give some answer to that specific problem from scripture, but rather, we want to be suggestive in giving the broad principle, which relate to family living, trusting that as we grasp those principles, we will have a framework within which we can place our individual questions and get a biblical answer. Then the first thing I attempted to do was to set out the framework for family living. We drew the circle, and in the circle we put the different ingredients of the family,

3:10 - 3:52 Read in full sermon

The point: Be staggered by the awesome responsibility of training your children in the way of God for the total experience of life, so they can walk in God's way as adults.

Martin quotes Presbyterian theologian Mr. Dabney at length, emphasizing the 'mighty power of opportunity' parents have to propagate truth and the 'terrible account' they will give if they neglect or pervert these God-given powers.

What way? The way of God for the total experience of life. And it's nothing less than this. In some of my reading this week I came across several statements by a writer of another generation.

13:38 - 13:53 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin explains that the biblical doctrine of discipline rests on a larger platform: understanding the nature of the child and the nature of true human dignity and blessedness.

He uses the metaphor of a tree (doctrine of child discipline) supported by true roots (doctrine of the nature of the child and true dignity) to explain that without understanding the roots, the tree will die.

it is the doctrine of the nature of the child on the one hand what is that child that I am a parent to what is he when you boil it all down what am I dealing with that little gurgling crying smiling chubby little mass of flesh and bone and sinew and bright eyes what is it that I am working with may I suggest if you don't understand that you'll see no reason for this you won't be able to apply yourself to the right administration of this and secondly we've got to understand the doctrine of what is the true dignity of a human being how does that child find its true place as a creature made in th...

29:51 - 31:19 Read in full sermon

The point: Think through the nature of your child scripturally, regarding them as both a creature by creation and a sinner by the Fall, and bring yourself back to this understanding again and again.

He compares a child's flexible bones to their moldable mental patterns, habits, attitudes, and emotional reactions, emphasizing that they are not born 'fixed' but are pliable.

when I see that little two-year-old toddling around the house smiling sometimes crying others angry look on his face sometimes happy others what am I dealing with well the first thing I must recognize is that as a creature made by God through my cooperative efforts I say it reverently God has privileged me to cooperate with him in the creation of that life he's given a power to me as a parent that he's denied angels and even denied the devil and when that life comes into the world it comes not as a fixed pre-molded calcified individual but just as it's born with bones that are flexible in term...

32:48 - 34:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Think through the nature of your child scripturally, regarding them as both a creature by creation and a sinner by the Fall, and bring yourself back to this understanding again and again.

He uses the example of Adam and Eve dressing and keeping the garden, even in perfection, to illustrate that God ordained man to be active in bringing creation to its full development, applying this to parental molding of children.

in terms of his build in terms of his height I'm fully aware of some of the basic laws of genetics but what I am saying is that in terms of the way God has created human beings we are not born with the fixation of patterns of attitudes etc that an adult has part of the creative order had sin never entered would have been that Adam and Eve standing in the place of a God planted garden still had to dress and to keep that garden that garden had no power no garden to cultivate to arrange the flowers to keep things from just growing any which way that did not in any way cast dispersions upon the pe...

34:17 - 35:47 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that your child, by the act of creation, comes to you as raw materials, and God gives you the privilege of being the finisher through your molding influence.

He illustrates the long-term consequences of permissive parenting, where a child who always gets their way might, as an adult, curse their wife, get a divorce, or even throw a Molotov cocktail when their will is crossed.

of God they would have incorporated into its life right patterns of action and thought and attitude that child would not have been born a fully matured adult spiritually emotionally physically etc well you know you know you say pastor that's obvious isn't it well it may be obvious but do we really think of this as we look at our children God has put them in our homes and under our care in such a relationship that we have the privilege of doing the molding and whether we acknowledge it or not that molding influence is absolutely undeniable it's a molding influence that molding for good or for e...

35:47 - 37:14 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that your child, by the act of creation, comes to you as raw materials, and God gives you the privilege of being the finisher through your molding influence.

He quotes an unnamed mature Christian theologian who states that 'as parents perform or neglect their duties the children usually end up in a state of grace or a state of impiety,' underscoring the profound influence of parenting.

he's always had his own way and never learned to face any obstruction to his own will that's what causes him when he doesn't like the way the school's being run to go and throw a Molotov cocktail into the administrator's office and then march around the steps with a sign saying I'm not a liar nobody ever told those kids no and they stamped him with a pattern of life that has fixed them see? old parent I plead with you to recognize that child as a creature by the act of creation comes to you not the finished product but it comes as a product with all the basic ingredients that will be stamped a...

37:14 - 38:43 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that your child, by the act of creation, comes to you as raw materials, and God gives you the privilege of being the finisher through your molding influence.

He references a touching television plea for racial justice showing children playing together, with a song claiming 'prejudice and hatred have to be taught,' to highlight the modern error of denying inherent sinfulness.

what the Bible calls a heart that is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked and it's out of that heart that all his sins will proceed according to Mark chapter 7 and this is where modern theories of child development are completely wrong and in error some of you perhaps have seen the very touching little plea for racial justice on the television where it shows some little kids playing in a playground it looks like in New York or Newark and they're the little blacks and whites and portugals and Puerto Ricans all playing together and then there's a tune singing prejudice and hatred ha...

40:13 - 41:41 Read in full sermon

The point: Believe that your children are depraved and that sinful expressions come out of them, and do not tolerate them simply because it's convenient or hard on your flesh.

He uses the analogy of being given a stick to drive cows out of a backyard where there are no cows, to illustrate that parents who don't believe their children are depraved will see no reason to use the 'rod of correction.'

oh we laugh but in my heart I say God have mercy on him no no when he selfishly takes his sister's toy he's not being a real boy that has nothing to do with the normal development of a creature made in the image of God that's the folly of his heart coming out that's wickedness selfishness anger rebellion stubbornness lying these are the things that are going to happen these are not expressions of childishness those are expressions of wickedness and what has God given to deal with it not time that says oh that's just childishness no no he says the rod of correction is the means of grace to driv...

44:35 - 46:02 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not discipline a child for what is part of their creaturehood (e.g., clumsiness due to immaturity), but do discipline for expressions of sinfulness (e.g., defiant throwing of a spoon).

He illustrates the difference between childish immaturity (missing the mouth with a spoon) and sinfulness (throwing the spoon in defiance), arguing that only the latter warrants discipline.

why is it that even Christian parents are not using the rod of correction you don't believe your little darlings are depraved possible hells you don't really believe that these are sinful expressions that come out of them if you did you wouldn't tolerate them simply because it's convenient to overlook them simply because it takes time simply because it's hard on your flesh you'd say I'm not going to allow those expressions of that folly of my child's heart to come out unchecked and undealt with you see so the basis of the law of the biblical doctrine of discipline is this right view of the chi...

46:02 - 47:30 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not discipline a child for what is part of their creaturehood (e.g., clumsiness due to immaturity), but do discipline for expressions of sinfulness (e.g., defiant throwing of a spoon).

He shares a personal anecdote about his own awkward teenage growth spurt, where he often knocked things over, to illustrate that such actions were part of his 'creaturehood' and not sin requiring discipline.

and every fourth time it hits the mouth well the parent who spanks the child for missing his mouth and hitting his ear or his nose he's missed it that's simply a sign of his creaturehood that's part of his physical maturation part of his physical maturity part of his physical development he shouldn't be spanked for that that's not foolishness that's part of his childishness that's not an expression of his sinnerhood but it is creaturehood but if that same child takes his spoon and throws it on the floor and you say no and he looks you right in the eye and throws it down again you don't laugh a...

47:30 - 48:57 Read in full sermon

The point: Discipline your teenage son or daughter for a sour look, as it can be an expression of cursing and rebellion, even if no words are spoken.

He uses the example of a teenager giving a 'sour look' when asked to do something, arguing that this is an expression of sinfulness that warrants discipline, even if no words are spoken.

may I say it reverently when it says of our Lord that he grew in wisdom and in stature that if our Lord had a typical teenage growth spurt he probably caused Mary and Joseph more fits by all the things he stumbled over in their home in Nazareth and yet it wasn't sin it wasn't sin that's part of growth he was a true man and if he was a true teenage boy his voice started cracking just did part of his true development so if you've got a teenage son and he knocks the milk over and the rest should he be disciplined for that no no not in normal circumstances why that's part of now it's very irritati...

49:36 - 51:04 Read in full sermon

The point: Discipline your children until they reach 'sweet submission,' not just grudging compliance.

He shares a personal anecdote about his mother telling his father, 'Dad, give him some more, yet, he's not sweet,' during discipline, illustrating that discipline should continue until 'sweet submission' is achieved, not just grudging compliance.

in a home without a word being said and that teenage boy or daughter ought to be disciplined for just that look oh but the look didn't hurt you no it didn't it didn't incriminate you it didn't make you feel like a child no it didn't but you see you're not in this business for personal convenience where there is a valid expression of creaturehood you accept it they're creatures and by the act of creation they are made to develop but where there are expressions of their sinfulness these are to be corrected whether those things be words deeds or looks thank God that though I never had these thing...

51:04 - 52:31 Read in full sermon

The point: Pray, work, and labor to administer discipline that aims to bring your child's will into subjection to the will of God from the heart.

He uses the Garden of Eden story and Adam's 'experiment' with the forbidden fruit to illustrate that true blessedness is found within the bounds of God's will, not outside them.

and in carrying out his life within those limits isn't that the whole setting of the garden of Eden God put man down in that perfect environment as a perfect creature and he's not but he set the bounds of his blessedness by the bounds of his will and he said of all the trees you may freely eat as you seek to replenish the earth and subdue it as you carry out my mandate to dress the garden to keep it Adam the bounds of your blessedness are the bounds of my will of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thou shalt not eat of it lest thou die Adam if you seek blessedness outside the bounds of...

54:00 - 55:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Pray, work, and labor to administer discipline that aims to bring your child's will into subjection to the will of God from the heart.

He quotes Andrew Murray, who states that 'the true liberty of the will consists in our being master of it' and that yielding to parents' command is the path to self-control and liberty.

now granted only the grace of God can do this Ezekiel 36 26 and 27 God says I will take out the heart of stone I will give them a heart of flesh I will cause them to walk in my statutes but listen the grace of God doesn't work in a vacuum the appointed means by which that grace is conveyed to the children of believing parents is ordinarily train up the child in the way that he ought to go the way of subjection to the will of God and when he is old he will not depart from it that's the positive the negative is foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child and what is the root of that foolis...

58:26 - 59:55 Read in full sermon

The point: Pray, work, and labor to administer discipline that aims to bring your child's will into subjection to the will of God from the heart.

He quotes Andrew Murray again, emphasizing that a child is to obey parents 'not because he understands or approves but because the parent commands,' as this strengthens the child's mastery over their own will.

Andrew Murray whom I've been reading a good bit this week in preparation for this class he said the true liberty of the will consists in our being master of it and so our own masters train a child to master his will in giving it up to his parents command and he acquires the mastery to use it when he is free yielding to our parents command control is the path to self control and self control alone is liberty the child who's taught by a wise parent to honor him and his superior wisdom will acquire as he gives up his own way the power over his own will and he can never as he never can who's taugh...

59:55 - 61:24 Read in full sermon

The point: Teach your children submission to constituted authority, not primarily for thought of reward, but simply because 'mommy says so' or 'daddy says so,' as God wills it.

He quotes an unnamed servant of Christ, who explains that both parents commanding and children obeying are motivated by 'God wills it,' giving the highest motive for both.

this is right this is right let me quote again from Andrew Murray in his book on the children for Christ the child is to obey not because he understands or approves but because the parent commands in this he is to become the master of his own will that he voluntarily submits his will to a higher authority obedience will thus secure a double good while guiding the will of the child into right habits it strengthens the command the child has over his own will when a child learns to submit his will to his parents simply because the parents are there as God's spokesman to him he's learning a master...

68:08 - 69:37 Read in full sermon

The point: Teach your children submission to constituted authority, not primarily for thought of reward, but simply because 'mommy says so' or 'daddy says so,' as God wills it.

He tells a story of a father asking his son 'Why must you obey me?' and the son answering 'Because you're over me by God's appointment,' then asking 'But daddy, who's over you?' to which the father replies 'God's over me son,' illustrating the principle of submission to God-constituted authority.

this is right this is right let me quote again from Andrew Murray in his book on the children for Christ the child is to obey not because he understands or approves but because the parent commands in this he is to become the master of his own will that he voluntarily submits his will to a higher authority obedience will thus secure a double good while guiding the will of the child into right habits it strengthens the command the child has over his own will when a child learns to submit his will to his parents simply because the parents are there as God's spokesman to him he's learning a master...

68:08 - 69:37 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that the rod is not 'your rod' but God's, and you must administer it according to His will, which will keep you from both harshness and refusal to use it.

He uses Paul's words to the Corinthians about some being 'weak and sickly and some sleep' due to sin, to illustrate that God's chastisement can include physical ailments and premature death.

it always means corporal punishment so God has two ways of child training his children he reproves them that's verbal instruction and he scourges them that is corporal physical punishment and instruction and may I say God literally does this with his children remember what Paul said to the Corinthians he said because of your sin some among you are weak and sickly and some sleep and the words weak and sickly are the words which is their prevailing use in the new testament have a physical connotation and the word sleep obviously is speaking of premature death that comes as a result of the correc...

73:43 - 75:06 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that the rod is not 'your rod' but God's, and you must administer it according to His will, which will keep you from both harshness and refusal to use it.

He references David's psalms (6, 32, 51) and the death of his son (2 Samuel 7) as examples of God's physical chastisement for sin.

it always means corporal punishment so God has two ways of child training his children he reproves them that's verbal instruction and he scourges them that is corporal physical punishment and instruction and may I say God literally does this with his children remember what Paul said to the Corinthians he said because of your sin some among you are weak and sickly and some sleep and the words weak and sickly are the words which is their prevailing use in the new testament have a physical connotation and the word sleep obviously is speaking of premature death that comes as a result of the correc...

73:43 - 75:06 Read in full sermon

The point: Settle it with God that biblical discipline, including the rod of correction and verbal admonition, is His will for you as a parent, and seek His grace to carry it out.

He cites the tragic example of Eli from 1 Samuel 3, a godly man who failed to restrain his children, leading to God's judgment, as a warning against neglecting discipline.

patient and long suffering or to give me the fortitude to administer the discipline so the task nurture them the means chastening admonition the sphere in which is to be accomplished in the authority and under the grace of God and all to the end that he himself may be glorified now what happens when people ignore neglect or substitute other things to nurture their children nothing but tragedy and tragedy follows hardly any writer on this subject fails to mention the tragic example of Eli and we'll look at it in more detail next week but I would encourage you to read the passage first Samuel ch...

79:12 - 80:42 Read in full sermon