Discipline of Children

Review of Family Living Foundations and Parental Roles

0:00 Now then, to review what we have covered in our two previous sessions, we are considering these nights the general subject of God's directives for family living. Up until now, you've had no homework, but you're going to have homework this week. And the homework will be to read through, if you are couples here tonight, you're to read through together this book, Children, Fun or Frenzy. It should say a booklet, just 17 pages, just a nice evening together, sitting down.

0:37 You can work through this booklet. It's not hard to understand. It's written from a very interesting, personal, biographical standpoint by a woman and her experiences with her own children, and above all, written from a thoroughly scriptural standpoint. And at the close of the class, we'll have these passed out, and we'd like you to read them through, and come prepared to discuss them next week, as we meet together next Friday evening, the Lord willing.

1:08 Now, we have considered in these first two sessions some very basic matters relative to family living. First of all, I sought to lay a foundation the first night by underscoring how we would approach this particular subject. We are not approaching it as rationalists, that is, making our minds and our thinking process, the final court of appeal. We are not approaching this as traditionalists, simply looking to see what has been done, nor are we coming to the subject as pragmatists, trying to see if something works, and if it works, assuming that it must be good.

1:47 But we are coming at this subject from the standpoint of what saith the scriptures, in the light of the message Sunday morning, believing that every scripture is inspired of God and is prophetic, and is accountable for doctrine. We are convinced that the doctrine of the home is found in this book, and all we need to know about family living can be found within the pages of this book. And in the light of this tremendous deposit of truth, we need to remind ourselves of the words of Jesus, who said, The word that I have spoken unto you, it shall judge you in the last day. By that, our Lord is saying, when you and I stand before God, to give account of our stewardship as parents, the Lord is not going to say, Now, what did you do with Dr. Spock? What did you do with Dr. So-and-so?

2:38 What did you do with Dr. So-and-so or Mr. So-and-so? He's going to say, What did you do with what I told you in my word about how your family should be ordered?

2:48 And you may hem and haw and all the rest, but the issue will be, What did you do with his word? Jesus said, The word that I have spoken unto you shall judge you, in the last day. So our approach, we trust, will be a thoroughly biblical and scriptural approach. And then I reminded you of our goal.

3:10 Our goal in these sessions is not to be exhaustive, to try to anticipate every particular problem of family living and to give some answer to that specific problem from scripture, but rather, we want to be suggestive in giving the broad principle, which relate to family living, trusting that as we grasp those principles, we will have a framework within which we can place our individual questions and get a biblical answer. Then the first thing I attempted to do was to set out the framework for family living. We drew the circle, and in the circle we put the different ingredients of the family,

3:54 the man, the woman, who considered in their relationship to one another, our husband, and wife, considered in relationship to their offspring, they are father and mother. Then we brought in another ingredient that is outside of the circle, above it and over it, and yet within it, in terms of his grace and power, the living God himself as revealed in holy scripture and in his dear son. And this is the essential framework for family living, and there can be no truly adequate satisfactory family experience from God's standpoint if he is omitted. For when God instituted the home, he instituted it in a climate or in a context in which the man and the woman were rightly related to him, and because of this, they were rightly related to one another, and because of this, they could have rightly influenced their children. But scripture does not unfold very far before we find out when this relationship was ruptured with God, there is a breakdown in this relationship, and the first offspring of that relationship becomes a murderer.

5:17 There is a breakdown in this relationship. And the only way this relationship can be what God intended it should be is when the father is rightly related to God through Christ, when the mother is rightly related to God, through Jesus Christ, now they have the basis of a right relationship with each other, and only as they have this, can they bring proper influence to bear upon the children. So after looking then at that broad overview of the framework of the Christian family, we have begun to isolate these different relationships and try to see what scripture says about them. Now the most fundamental and basic framework of those relationships is that of the husband and the wife. And we looked at scripture and we found that scripture says there are certain things which they share in common. They have the same creative dignity. They are both made in the image of God.

6:21 They both share the same native depravity. They fell in Adam. And they both share the obligation to fulfill the mandate of God to replenish the earth and to subdue it. In their role as husband and wife, there are certain functions that they share together.

6:40 They both complement one another. The man is not complete without the woman. The woman was made for the man. Not only do they complement one another, but scripture says they are to cleave one to the other.

6:56 Scripture also teaches us that together they stand on an equal footing in Jesus Christ. There is neither male nor female in Christ Jesus. But the same scripture that tells us that they share certain things in common also says that there are distinct responsibilities. Some allocated to the husband that are not allocated to the wife.

7:22 Some allocated to the wife that are not allocated to the husband. And if you get them mixed up and upset God's order, that's the mission that reflects the relationship of the church to Jesus Christ. Now this is necessary because of two things. And I've been underscoring these all the way through the lessons.

7:46 Because of what we're calling the creative order, God made the woman so that she's to find her true identity in subjection to the man. God made the man that he finds his true glory in taking his headship and administering it in love. And also because of the redemptive pattern. Everything in this relationship is to reflect the pattern of redemption.

8:12 And the husband is to be to the wife as Christ is to the church. Head of the church. The wife is to be to the husband as the church is to Christ. Subject unto him in his gracious rule.

8:29 Then last week we tried to focus on what scripture says about the relationship of these two individuals, this husband and wife, as they begin to relate to their children. What does scripture say about the relationship of the father and mother to their children? And I tried to give you just two basic things. Number one, what is their God-appointed role or their God-appointed relationship to their children?

9:10 I called it their position in the plan of God. And I gave you that threefold heading. They are to be to their children prophets, priests, and initiators to their children. They are prophets to teach their children the will of God.

9:36 Deuteronomy 6. They are priests, bear patiently with, and to intercede for their children. Job chapter 1 and Colossians 3. They are kings to administer the rule of God in their home.

9:55 God says of Abraham, I have known him and I have chosen him that he may command his children after him. Joshua said, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. The scripture says that a teaching elder must be a man who rules his own house. And so if you are a parent, God has constituted you a prophet, priest, and king to your children.

10:24 This is not something that you wake up some morning and say, Lord, I'd like to be this. God has constituted you this. What God will do is hold you accountable for how you discharge this responsibility. Now do you see why it's only a truly Christian parent who can fulfill his God-appointed role?

10:47 How can you be a prophet to your children to teach them the will of God when you don't know the will of God? If you are ignorant of scripture, how can you teach scripture to your children? Or if not being ignorant, your heart is not subject to the word of God, how can you hope to teach your children the work of a life in which the word of God governs them? How can you be a priest to pray for your children unless you have access to God?

11:15 And the only basis that any sinner has access to God is through Jesus Christ. And if you've not come to him who is the way, the truth, and the life, how can you come to him on behalf of the children? Impossible. How can you be a king to your children to administer the rule of God over them when you've not accepted that rule over you?

11:37 So you see, it's utterly impossible for you to fulfill your God-appointed role as a prophet, priest, and king to your children unless Jesus Christ is your prophet, priest, and king. But if he is our prophet, priest, and king, then we have a relationship with him which is the basis upon which we can adequately discharge our role as prophet, priest, and king to our children. So our position to our children is this. And then secondly, our task by the command of God is to train our children in the way that they should go.

12:21 Proverbs 22, 6. Ephesians 6, 4. We are to rear them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Our task is nothing short of molding these lines so that when the time comes for them to leave this circle and establish their own circle as a husband or as a wife in a home of their own, they will be able in that relationship to walk in the way of God as a husband or a wife, that they will be able to take their place in the church and take their place in society as mature men and women conducting every sphere of life the home, the church, and society according to the will of God unto the glory of God. That is our task. And let me emphasize again if that doesn't stagger you and cause you to say what an awesome responsibility is mine then either you're half asleep or I'm talking in Chinese and you don't understand me. For our task is to train our children in the way that they should go.

13:38 What way? The way of God for the total experience of life. And it's nothing less than this. In some of my reading this week I came across several statements by a writer of another generation.

13:53 I'm quoting from Mr. Dabney, a Presbyterian theologian of a past generation. And as I end the review let me just quote several very striking and very powerful statements by Mr. Dabney.

14:08 How mighty the power of opportunity is authorized to implore to propagate his truth on another soul while as yet the pupil is ignorant of the process wrought upon him and incapable of resisting it. There is no power beneath the skies authorized by God that is so far reaching so near the prerogatives of God himself and for that reason there is none so solemnly responsible when God has clothed you oh parent with such powers with results so beneficent and glorious and has made you so nearly a God to your own children. Do you suppose that you can neglect or pervert these powers without being held to a terrible account? It were better for a man that a millstone were hanged about his neck and he were drowned in the sea. Pretty sobering isn't it?

15:15 He has given us powers that are most like his own powers and woe be unto us if we betray those powers. Seeing the parental relation is what scripture describes it and seeing Satan has perverted it since the fall for the diffusion and multiplication of sinfulness and eternal death the education of people and children for God is the most important business done on earth. It is the one business for which the earth exists. To it all politics war, literature, money making ought to be subordinated and every parent especially ought to feel every hour of the day that next to making his own calling and election sure this is the end for which he is kept alive by God this is his task on earth. On the right training of the generation now arising turns not only the individual salvation of each member in that generation not only the religious hope of the age approaching but the fate of all future generations in a large degree. Train up him who is now a boy for Christ and not only do you sanctify that soul but you set on foot the best earthly agencies

16:44 to redeem the whole broadening stream of human beings which shall proceed from him down to the time when men cease to marry and are given in marriage. Until then the work of educating our children is never ending. Now that's pretty weighty literature isn't it? And pretty powerful statements of our responsibility.

The Crucial Importance of Child Discipline

17:09 Well so much then for our review I hope we're not forgetting the concept simply because we're moving on. But there's enough here to keep us occupied for a lifetime as we seek to work out the implications. Now I mentioned in our first session that having given this broad overview of the husband's relationship to the wife and the wife to the husbands having focused on the general responsibility of parents to their children they are in this tremendous position of mediators to them responsible for their total development intellectual, physical, social, spiritual even as our Lord increased in wisdom, stature, favor with God and man. But there is one particular aspect of this parent-child relationship which I'm almost tempted to say is perhaps the most crucial aspect of that relationship to these young ones. Unless this area is brought into light with the teaching of the word of God in the total training of the children it is doubtful that any other area will be successfully administered. However if this area is successfully administered failures in other areas will not be lethal failures.

18:36 You follow me now? There may be some failures in the social development of the child but if the area we're going to deal with is dealt with adequately this will not be a deadly failure or omission or lack. There may be some failures in the physical development of the child in the intellectual development of the child but in any of these areas if there is failure those failures will not be crippling failures they will not be deadly failures if this area is somewhat adequately administered. However no matter what is done in these areas even if done to perfection a failure in this area will cripple that child not only for time but in 99 times out of 100 it will damn him for eternity. And that's the area that we want to particularly focus upon tonight. It's the area of discipline or correction of our children. And so the subject matter for tonight and then again next week God willing is biblical directives for the discipline or correction of our children.

Biblical Passages on Discipline: The Raw Materials

19:55 Now how are we going to approach the subject? Well as we did with the husband-wife relationship the first thing I want to do is simply to read to you without comment the basic passages from which we will extract the principles relative to this tremendous theme. Then after we've done that we're going to proceed to consider what I am calling the roots of the Bible doctrine of discipline and then secondly the substance of the Bible doctrine of discipline. Alright now we're going to the quarry and we're going to see over here in this quarry all the raw materials from which we will extract certain principles and conclusions. Will you follow in your Bibles as I read without comment only announcing the references these basic passages. Proverbs chapter 13 and the first reference is verse 24. He that spareth his rod hateth his son but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes or chasteneth him diligently.

21:20 Proverbs 19 and verse 18 Chasten thy son seeing there is hope and set not thy heart on his destruction. Chapter 20 and verse 30 Stripes that wound cleanse away evil and strokes reach the innermost parts. Chapter 22 and verse 15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Chapter 23 verses 12 to 14 Apply thy heart unto instruction and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child for if thou beat him with the rod he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

22:32 Proverbs 29 verse 15 The rod and reproof give wisdom but a child left to himself causeth shame to his mother. And then verse 17 of Proverbs 29 Correct thy son and he will give thee rest yea he will give delight unto thy soul. Now over to the New Testament Ephesians the book of Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 4 Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right honor thy father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth and ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. Colossians chapter 3 verses 20 and 21 Children obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing in the Lord. Fathers

23:59 provoke not your children that they be not discouraged. First Thessalonians chapter 2 verses 10 through 13 Ye are witnesses in God also how holily and righteously and unblameably we behaved ourselves toward you that believe as ye know how we dealt with each one of you as a father with his own children exhorting you and encouraging you and testifying to the end that you should walk worthily of God who calleth you into his own kingdom and glory. First Timothy chapter 3 verses 4 and 5 speaking of the requirements for the ruling teaching elders one that ruleth well his own house having his children in subjection with all gravity but if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house how shall he take care of the church of God? And then Hebrews 12 verses 5 through 11 Hebrews 12 verses 5 through 11 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which reasoneth with you as sons My son regard not lightly

25:25 the chastening of the Lord nor faint when thou art reproved of him for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth it is for chastening that ye endure God dealeth with you as with sons for what son is there whom his father chasteneth not? But if ye are without chastening whereof all have been made partakers then are ye bastards and not sons. You catch the line of his argument I only comment to see if you catch it. He says the only people who aren't chastened are those who have no legitimate father around to do it he says it's unthinkable that there would ever be a time when a true father in the presence of a true legitimate son without chastening it's unthinkable Paul says so he says if you're running around and there's no daddy there to spank you it's because you're somebody's little bastard child that no one wants to claim it's exactly what he's saying furthermore we had the fathers of our flesh to chasten us and we gave them reverence shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the father of spirits and live for they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed good to them but he for our profit that we may be partakers of his holiness now there you have

26:53 as far as I know the most basic clear passages in the old and the new testament on the subject of the discipline and chastening of children now several things ought to be abundantly clear number one that this kind of thinking runs smack headlong into opposition with the philosophy that has held sway in America and in many parts of the world for the past fifty years that's very obvious and it's also very obvious that it runs smack into if you read what people do as an expression of what they believe much of the philosophy that apparently grips many professing Christians in our day who are much wiser than God who believe in training their children but who feel that the whole concept of corporal punishment what scripture calls again and again the robbed and the correction that comes in the physical way is somehow beneath a civilized Christian philosophy well may I suggest that these things are not set down in an arbitrary way but on the contrary the biblical doctrine of discipline is the integral outgrowth of a more basic doctrine namely the doctrine which teaches us what is the child and what is the true way

The Roots of Biblical Discipline: Nature of the Child and True Liberty

28:22 of attaining his glory as a creature made in the image of God let me illustrate this way we've looked into the bible and we have read certain statements which set forth a concept of child discipline all we've done is given you the wrong materials verse after verse what we want to do beginning later on tonight and on into next week is to analyze those materials and systematize them what do they teach about the goal of discipline about the means to attain that goal and the manner in which we employ those means we're going to take those raw materials and all together we're going to come up with a doctrine of discipline and that's what we gleaned what the meaning of biblical doctrine is you take the raw material of scripture and you seek to organize it and see it in some structural relationship and you have the doctrine of discipline but let me suggest that this doctrine of biblical discipline or this biblical doctrine of child discipline will make no sense to us in fact it'll just seem absolutely weird maybe downright cruel but at best we will not take it seriously unless we discover the larger platform on which that doctrine rests and what is that larger platform

29:51 it is the doctrine of the nature of the child on the one hand what is that child that I am a parent to what is he when you boil it all down what am I dealing with that little gurgling crying smiling chubby little mass of flesh and bone and sinew and bright eyes what is it that I am working with may I suggest if you don't understand that you'll see no reason for this you won't be able to apply yourself to the right administration of this and secondly we've got to understand the doctrine of what is the true dignity of a human being how does that child find its true place as a creature made in the image of God to change my figure so that you see the same thing in a different relationship going back to the Bible we see a doctrine of child discipline that's like the tree with its different branches may I suggest that that tree is supported just like my series on repentance by true roots and if we don't know what the roots are and don't know how to feed the roots the tree will die you follow my illustration alright so much then for my illustration

Root 1: The Nature of the Child (Creation and Fall)

31:19 now let's come then to consider what I am calling the roots or the foundation of the biblical doctrine of discipline or the foundation of the biblical doctrine of discipline and there are two roots the foundation that has two parts A the nature of the child what is he and let me suggest that we must regard that child as to his nature or her nature in a two-fold light we must regard that child in terms of what he is by the act of creation and secondly what he is by the fact of the fall in Adam and may I plead with you as parents think this aspect through scripturally and bring yourself back to it again and again and again because if you don't you're going to miss the whole matter of the biblical doctrine of discipline all right let's look at these things in a little more detail how did that child come into the world what am I dealing with when I hold that little gurgling mass of flesh in my arms

32:48 when I see that little two-year-old toddling around the house smiling sometimes crying others angry look on his face sometimes happy others what am I dealing with well the first thing I must recognize is that as a creature made by God through my cooperative efforts I say it reverently God has privileged me to cooperate with him in the creation of that life he's given a power to me as a parent that he's denied angels and even denied the devil and when that life comes into the world it comes not as a fixed pre-molded calcified individual but just as it's born with bones that are flexible in terms of the hard fixed bones of a 90-year-old adult so in his mental patterns in his habits of life his attitudes his emotional and personal reactions to things he is a place in which he is not just a plastic moldable silly putty little creature now granted he has inherited certain basic characteristics in terms of his temperament

34:17 in terms of his build in terms of his height I'm fully aware of some of the basic laws of genetics but what I am saying is that in terms of the way God has created human beings we are not born with the fixation of patterns of attitudes etc that an adult has part of the creative order had sin never entered would have been that Adam and Eve standing in the place of a God planted garden still had to dress and to keep that garden that garden had no power no garden to cultivate to arrange the flowers to keep things from just growing any which way that did not in any way cast dispersions upon the perfection of what God created he simply ordained that man should be active in the bringing of what God created perfect to its full development he said the earth is there for you to subdue it in the same way had Adam and Eve not sinned the first child born to them would have been moldable pliable and they would have stamped upon its mind right thoughts

35:47 of God they would have incorporated into its life right patterns of action and thought and attitude that child would not have been born a fully matured adult spiritually emotionally physically etc well you know you know you say pastor that's obvious isn't it well it may be obvious but do we really think of this as we look at our children God has put them in our homes and under our care in such a relationship that we have the privilege of doing the molding and whether we acknowledge it or not that molding influence is absolutely undeniable it's a molding influence that molding for good or for evil whether I'm conscious of it or not in every area you don't suddenly wake up one day and say well you know I think I'd like to start molding my child you have been molding that child the person who adopts the permissive philosophy he's molding that child he's stamping that child with a philosophy of life with a life pattern so that when he doesn't like something he lays on the floor and kicks and screams that same pattern in him as a 30 year old adult is what will cause him to curse his wife and go out and slam the door and go to the lawyer and get a divorce why?

37:14 he's always had his own way and never learned to face any obstruction to his own will that's what causes him when he doesn't like the way the school's being run to go and throw a Molotov cocktail into the administrator's office and then march around the steps with a sign saying I'm not a liar nobody ever told those kids no and they stamped him with a pattern of life that has fixed them see? old parent I plead with you to recognize that child as a creature by the act of creation comes to you not the finished product but it comes as a product with all the basic ingredients that will be stamped as the finished product with what you put into it granted I'm not ruling out the place of the grace of God to intercept the process to reverse certain things I'm fully aware of all of that but the general rule is that the molding influence of the home fixes that life for time and for eternity the man who lived more years than I am old now dared to say as a mature Christian theologian pastoral experience teaches us that as parents perform or neglect their duties the children usually end up

38:43 in a state of grace or a state of impiety the first thing you must recognize is the nature of that child by act of creation you don't have the finished product you have the raw materials and God gives you the privilege of being the finisher that's why he says you train up the child in the way he should go and even when he is old your influence will not be shaken off because the patterns will be fixed and even when he is old he will not depart from it the second thing we've got to recognize in that precious little child is the fact of the fall according to Romans 5.12 when Adam sinned the whole human race sinned in him so much so that the apostle Paul says in Ephesians 2.2 we were by nature the children of wrath even as others when David as a 50 year old man is confessing his sin of adultery and murder he says it all began back in his mother's womb he says in Psalm 51.5 behold I was shapen in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me therefore that child is in a state of guilt and he has in him a polluted nature

40:13 what the Bible calls a heart that is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked and it's out of that heart that all his sins will proceed according to Mark chapter 7 and this is where modern theories of child development are completely wrong and in error some of you perhaps have seen the very touching little plea for racial justice on the television where it shows some little kids playing in a playground it looks like in New York or Newark and they're the little blacks and whites and portugals and Puerto Ricans all playing together and then there's a tune singing prejudice and hatred have to be taught it's obvious it's not in these little children by nature ah but that just isn't so my Bible says that murder is in the heart by nature for from within out of the heart proceed adultery murder thefts foolishness pride blasphemy these things Jesus said come out of the heart and though our hat should be off to every legitimate effort please turn this cassette over to continue the message and though our hat should be off to every legitimate effort to at least check the process of evil and the situations that are more conducive to evil such as you have in the so-called ghettos

41:41 and poverty areas my friends this will never make a dent in the problem because it's not recognizing the root of the problem the problem is not environmental in terms of shacks and sheds and rats and dope pushers the problem is that there's a heart that is depraved and wicked and the key text which sets this out so tremendously is Proverbs 22 and verse 15 and I want us to look at it for a moment because it's so crucial to this whole issue Proverbs 22 15 says foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him this word foolishness means folly of an ungodly or wicked nature notice in chapter 5 of Proverbs verses 22 and 23 it's the same root word and you'll get an idea of its meaning his own iniquities shall take the wicked he shall be held with the cords of his sin he shall die for lack of instruction and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray what is his folly? his love of sin

43:06 so this folly is not speaking of the folly of a man who's been shortchanged in his gray matter doesn't mean that at all it says foolishness a propensity to wickedness ungodliness and irreverence notice is bound in the heart of a child it doesn't say it's found it says it's bound it's tied in to his head to his heart and the Bible says keep thy heart for out of it are the what? issues of life what is your life? nothing but the unfolding of what your heart is that's all that's all your life is it's the unfolding of what your heart is now this text says folly wickedness irreverence no fear of God is bound up in the heart of a child so that when I see a child being stubborn I don't say oh he's just being a child as though that is something that's part and parcel of him being a creature in the image of God no no oh if there's anything that gets me angry is when a little boy a little male child goes and grabs his sister's toy or something like that and the parent says well he's a real boy

44:35 oh we laugh but in my heart I say God have mercy on him no no when he selfishly takes his sister's toy he's not being a real boy that has nothing to do with the normal development of a creature made in the image of God that's the folly of his heart coming out that's wickedness selfishness anger rebellion stubbornness lying these are the things that are going to happen these are not expressions of childishness those are expressions of wickedness and what has God given to deal with it not time that says oh that's just childishness no no he says the rod of correction is the means of grace to drive it far from him well if you don't believe there's something in him that needs to be driven out of him why use the thing that drives him out if I came to you and said here's a stick that'll drive every last cow out of your backyard out of your backyard and you haven't had a cow in your backyard for 30 years and you know there won't be one for the next 30 years you could well take that rod and stick it up in the attic and let it collect dust right if I say here is the instrument to get rid of any cows that come into your backyard if you've got no cows there you can pretty well ignore that stick

46:02 why is it that even Christian parents are not using the rod of correction you don't believe your little darlings are depraved possible hells you don't really believe that these are sinful expressions that come out of them if you did you wouldn't tolerate them simply because it's convenient to overlook them simply because it takes time simply because it's hard on your flesh you'd say I'm not going to allow those expressions of that folly of my child's heart to come out unchecked and undealt with you see so the basis of the law of the biblical doctrine of discipline is this right view of the child as a creature moldable pliable plastic and as a sinner now you see if I can grasp those two things it will keep me from two great areas of weakness in the matter of discipline at this point as a creature made immature dependent with necessary growth I'll not discipline the child for what is a part of his creaturehood let me illustrate here's a little baby just learning to use a spoon and somehow he can't coordinate things so the spoon hits the mouth it hits the ear it hits the nose

47:30 and every fourth time it hits the mouth well the parent who spanks the child for missing his mouth and hitting his ear or his nose he's missed it that's simply a sign of his creaturehood that's part of his physical maturation part of his physical maturity part of his physical development he shouldn't be spanked for that that's not foolishness that's part of his childishness that's not an expression of his sinnerhood but it is creaturehood but if that same child takes his spoon and throws it on the floor and you say no and he looks you right in the eye and throws it down again you don't laugh and say isn't that cute no and if he does it again no and if you've got to sit there for three hours until the child that will is broken and he holds that spoon you sit there for the three hours until that will is broken or you may send your child to hell you got it see the difference now let's pick on you teenagers I can remember my dad saying to me see I grew about six inches I think in the period about a year and a half two years and I was the height I am now minus about 40 pounds when I was about 14 15 and it all happened at once

48:57 and I was all feet and hands and my head was all about 14 pounds my head was telling my hand was going in the right place but it always hit something on the way and it seemed that every third night I was knocking over a glass of milk at the table and the rest till my father it was a famous saying we kid about it now he'd say Albert you've got a gift Albert you've got a gift anything that was in my way walking, standing, reaching over it went well should I have been disciplined for those things I wasn't often and I'm glad no because that was part of my true creaturehood

49:36 may I say it reverently when it says of our Lord that he grew in wisdom and in stature that if our Lord had a typical teenage growth spurt he probably caused Mary and Joseph more fits by all the things he stumbled over in their home in Nazareth and yet it wasn't sin it wasn't sin that's part of growth he was a true man and if he was a true teenage boy his voice started cracking just did part of his true development so if you've got a teenage son and he knocks the milk over and the rest should he be disciplined for that no no not in normal circumstances why that's part of now it's very irritating especially if the milk happens to come your direction and so just to give vent to your own anger and irritability you might cuff him but that's not biblical discipline but now that same son may be the model of perfect manners never knock anything over but if you tell him son will you please go do this and he starts to do it but you notice he's got a sour look on his face should he be disciplined decidedly yes you can curse your father or mother by a look as well as by your words you ever hear people say if looks would kill I'd sure be dead huh if looks can curse the air can be blue

51:04 in a home without a word being said and that teenage boy or daughter ought to be disciplined for just that look oh but the look didn't hurt you no it didn't it didn't incriminate you it didn't make you feel like a child no it didn't but you see you're not in this business for personal convenience where there is a valid expression of creaturehood you accept it they're creatures and by the act of creation they are made to develop but where there are expressions of their sinfulness these are to be corrected whether those things be words deeds or looks thank God that though I never had these things spelled out formally I sure got them applied practice practically growing up I can remember my mom saying to my dad dad give him some more yet he's not sweet he's not sweet give him some more he's not sweet I was never spanked just enough to make me grudgingly do the task I was spanked until I was brought to the place of sweet submission and I'm still alive kids I ain't killed yet see

Root 2: The Nature of True Liberty and Blessedness

52:31 you get the picture so if you remember this what is the nature of that child? by the act of creation a developing plastic immature creature but by the fact of the fall a depraved sinner then the second thing you've got to understand about that child and about yourself as well for we are simply grown up children is what I'm going to call the nature of true liberty or blessedness the nature of the child the nature of true liberty or blessedness now unless there's something terribly wrong with you spiritually and even psychologically you long that your children should have the highest degree of happiness that life can give them now am I speaking for all parents when I say that don't you long that your children have the highest degree of blessedness and happiness that life can afford them legitimately isn't that what you want what more could you want than that you don't care if they're rich poor anything else what you want is the highest degree of happiness now God made man in a certain way to function within certain prescribed limits and man's true blessedness is found in knowing those limits and in delighting in those limits

54:00 and in carrying out his life within those limits isn't that the whole setting of the garden of Eden God put man down in that perfect environment as a perfect creature and he's not but he set the bounds of his blessedness by the bounds of his will and he said of all the trees you may freely eat as you seek to replenish the earth and subdue it as you carry out my mandate to dress the garden to keep it Adam the bounds of your blessedness are the bounds of my will of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thou shalt not eat of it lest thou die Adam if you seek blessedness outside the bounds of my revealed will you'll curse yourself you'll die well Adam had to experiment and he experimented and he found that God wasn't giving idle threats he wasn't like a lot of parents who say do this or else or if you do this this will follow God meant what he said and Adam found to his own not eternal shame but at least to his own immediate shame that God meant what he said so then you see true liberty for the creatures of God is not found in doing anything you want to but in delighting in doing what you ought to let me give you that again what is the path of true blessedness for a creature not doing anything he might want to

55:29 but wanting to do what I ought to as long as I wanted to comply with God's command eat of all the trees but of that one tree don't eat of it Adam was a truly blessed man perfectly happy his blessedness was found in wanting to do what he ought to do and when he said well I'll get blessedness by doing anything I want to do and took of the fruit he plunged himself and the whole human race into misery and every one of us by nature seeks to find blessedness in the same way notice how the psalmist captured this when he said in Psalm 119 and verses 44 and 45 now stick with me through this I know this means you have to think but I'm convinced unless we grasp this we won't apply the principles of biblical discipline as we ought Psalm 119 44 and 45 so shall I observe thy law continually forever and ever and I shall walk at liberty for I have sought thy precepts and I he says the path of liberty is the path of strict observance to the law of God and what's the path of bondage the path of bondage

56:58 is one in which I say I'll do as I want to do and then the words of second Peter are fulfilled second Peter 219 promising themselves liberty he says they make themselves the very servants the bondservants of corruption Jesus said whoever commits sin is the slave of sin alright now relate this to our children I've said that the biblical doctrine of discipline is rooted in the biblical doctrine of the nature of the child by the act of creation and the fact of the form I'm looking upon a plastic moldable pliable individual but one who has foolishness bound up in his heart and I must deal with him accordingly and then I'm looking at a child recognizing that it's true blessedness is to be found in that child delighting to do what he ought to do not thinking liberty and blessedness comes in doing what he wants to do so then my objective as a parent is to pray and work and labor and essentially to administer discipline that will have as its very goal the bringing of the will of that child into subjection to the will of God from the heart

58:26 now granted only the grace of God can do this Ezekiel 36 26 and 27 God says I will take out the heart of stone I will give them a heart of flesh I will cause them to walk in my statutes but listen the grace of God doesn't work in a vacuum the appointed means by which that grace is conveyed to the children of believing parents is ordinarily train up the child in the way that he ought to go the way of subjection to the will of God and when he is old he will not depart from it that's the positive the negative is foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child and what is the root of that foolishness to think that blessedness comes in doing what I want to do isn't that the folly of the child when that child is throwing that tantrum why his will has been crossed by the parent and he thinks that the crossing of his will means misery that's foolishness now what teaches him the truth that blessedness is found in doing what he ought to do namely submitting to his parent what teaches him that way of blessedness I'll tell you what teaches it to him the rod of correction that drives out his folly then what says foolishness bound up but the rod of correction drives it far from him let me quote from

59:55 Andrew Murray whom I've been reading a good bit this week in preparation for this class he said the true liberty of the will consists in our being master of it and so our own masters train a child to master his will in giving it up to his parents command and he acquires the mastery to use it when he is free yielding to our parents command control is the path to self control and self control alone is liberty the child who's taught by a wise parent to honor him and his superior wisdom will acquire as he gives up his own way the power over his own will and he can never as he never can who's taught to imagine I need do nothing unless the parent has first convinced him of the rightness of the act to obtain his consent the new testament teaches very distinctly children obey your parents in the lord for this is right not because the child approves of or agrees but simply because the command is given by a parent this is the true reason for its being obeyed you see if I recognize in my children that the path to their blessedness is training them so that they will

61:24 from the heart to do what they ought to do rather than giving them the impression that the path of blessedness is doing what they want to do I recognize that it will make a tremendous difference in the whole area of the discipline of my children now you see as with everything else our problems in the practical go back to our incorrect thinking in the doctrinal don't they when people say oh I'm not interested in doctrine well you see you can't undercut doctrine and when liberalism came along fifty hundred years ago and did away with the idea that we're born sinners did they think at that time they'd be bringing the hellish mess that we've now got in the present crop of young radicals in our generation do you think they knew that no they thought they could sacrifice this gory old calvinistic doctrine of total depravity and still maintain decency in fact that's why they wanted to throw it out they said we want to have a kind of decency that gives man his proper dignity we want man to maintain his proper dignity as a creature made in the image of god therefore we've got to do away with that old dusty dour musty negative doctrine that the child is

62:53 a sinner look at those precious little children they can't be that bad the interest of the dignity of man throughout the doctrine of total depravity and what did they do they were undercutting the doctrine of discipline and now you've got the anarchy and the self-destruction that's the result of it see so i would suggest that if we are to maintain the tree of the doctrine of biblical discipline it will only be as that tree is supported by the roots of the nature of the child in the light of the bible and also the nature of true liberty or blessedness now i just want to introduce the subject tonight and then we'll throw it open for questions the substance of the biblical doctrine of discipline we've looked at the roots now the substance of the biblical doctrine of discipline i'll tell you what we're going to cover eventually and then we'll see how far we get tonight first of all we want to look at the goal of discipline what are we aiming at in our discipline gotta have a goal and scripture gives us a goal secondly once you got a goal you want to know how you're going to get there you're going to go by foot you're going to go by plane you're going to hitchhike what are the means to be attained in the the means used to attain the goal and then thirdly we want to deal with

The Substance of Discipline: Goal, Means, and Manner

64:23 the manner in which those means are employed if you're going to go by car how are you going to go Cadillac Jeep broken down ramblers how are you going to go well you see it's one thing to know what your goal is and the means that you're going to use to get to it now you want to know how you're going to dress and how fast you're going to go and whether you're going to look at the road or turn around and look at people in the back seat the manner in which you go so that's what we're going to cover and under these three headings I hope to collate all of these passages which I read earlier in our study tonight alright the goal of our discipline and let me suggest in all of these the goal the means the manner

Goal of Discipline: Submission to God-Constituted Authority

65:10 so helpful to me our discipline according to scripture is to be reflective of God's discipline of us my discipline of my children since I stand I say it reverently in the place of God to my children is to be reflective of God's discipline of me as his child and if you get that simple principle it's answered an awful lot of questions and will keep us from errors on the left hand and on the right hand right alright does God have any goals in his discipline of us well I think scripture is abundantly clear that he does in Hebrews 12 10 it says our fathers chastened us as seemed proper to them or as seemed good to them for a few days but he God chastens us for our profit that we might be partakers of his holiness does God just willy nilly decide that he ought to spank some of his children just to keep them in line of course not that would be entirely contrary to everything the Bible teaches about the character of God God's goal is our holiness and what is holiness but a right relationship to the revealed will of God in the heart in the attitudes and in the life isn't that what holiness is a right relationship to the

66:39 revealed will of God from the heart outward that's God's goal may I suggest that that is precisely the goal that we must have for our children our goal is nothing less than teaching them obedience to God constituted authority or to state it another way our goal is the training of their will and in bringing that statement into focus let me state it as bluntly and simply as I know how our children must learn to submit to our authority simply because God wills it period they are to learn the principle of obedience on the basis that God has constituted us their heads and our commands are to be obeyed simply because there are commands if they don't see any wisdom in them if they don't see any reasonableness in them that's none of their business now isn't this exactly how the apostle deals with the situation when he speaks to children he says in Ephesians 6 1 children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right he doesn't say for this is reasonable for this is desirable he says

68:08 this is right this is right let me quote again from Andrew Murray in his book on the children for Christ the child is to obey not because he understands or approves but because the parent commands in this he is to become the master of his own will that he voluntarily submits his will to a higher authority obedience will thus secure a double good while guiding the will of the child into right habits it strengthens the command the child has over his own will when a child learns to submit his will to his parents simply because the parents are there as God's spokesman to him he's learning a mastery over his will that will enable him to submit that will in other areas in the many relationships of life where he'll have to submit his will another statement from another servant of Christ if you would have your boy or girl be obedient keep the thought alive in the consciousness of your children that what prompts parents to command their children and what should prompt children to obey their elders is one and the same thing God wills it to realize that parents in commanding children and children in obeying parents are both engaged in obeying the one God whom both

69:37 love this gives parents the highest possible motive for commanding their children and it gives children the strongest possible reasons for obeying their parents one father was saying to his child son you must obey me son said why he said you tell me why the son the father said you tell me why and the son answered well because you're over me by God's appointment and then he said but daddy who's over you and he says God's over me son and I'm demanding that you obey by his appointment you see there's the principle it's so strange to our ears in a day like ours isn't it in our so-called democratic society where nobody tells us to do from nothing unless we voted for it but that's not the way God made it and the goal of our discipline is to teach that submission to constituted authority and it's as the child learns that submission to the tangible authority of his visible parents that he is far more likely to learn that submission to the invisible God in fact that's God's way of revealing the deeper and more pervasive responsibility to God through that influence which the parents exerts upon him so that's the goal

71:06 nothing less than bringing the will of that child submissive to God constituted authority not primarily for thought of reward so you parents can't say do this and I'll give you a lollipop do this and I'll give you that no do this because mommy says so because daddy says so period that doesn't mean you won't explain the reasons in some cases doesn't mean that you won't make their compliance with your command as easy as possible if a few words of explanation will help all I'm saying is you must in no way give the child the impression that he only obeys where he understands the reason for obedience he only obeys where he agrees with the reason you're not teaching submission to authority you're teaching him how to simply take the place at the bargaining table with an adult and have his own way and if he doesn't agree he'll do his own thing you see the fruits of it it's a beautiful thing to see a child who's learned submission to adult authority it carries over into every relationship every relationship even his relationship with God second thing what is the means to attain this goal well let's ask the question God's goal is that we might be made partakers of his holiness that we might be rightly related to his will how does

Means of Discipline: Reproof and Corporal Punishment

72:35 he attain that goal well scripture tells us in Hebrews 2 Hebrews 12 that God has two ways of attaining this goal notice Hebrews 12 verses 5 and 6 as the Lord child trains us how does he do it verses 5 and 6 of Hebrews 12 he forgotten the exhortation which reasons with you his sons my son we guard not lightly the chastening the child training of the Lord that's the general word that can be used for physical discipline or no physical discipline but has the whole idea of child training you've got this plastic individual and you're trying to mold it into what it ought to be now how does he do it nor faint when thou art reproved of him for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth and this is exactly the same word used of the scourging of

73:43 it always means corporal punishment so God has two ways of child training his children he reproves them that's verbal instruction and he scourges them that is corporal physical punishment and instruction and may I say God literally does this with his children remember what Paul said to the Corinthians he said because of your sin some among you are weak and sickly and some sleep and the words weak and sickly are the words which is their prevailing use in the new testament have a physical connotation and the word sleep obviously is speaking of premature death that comes as a result of the correcting hand of God the Lord loves to have us move with even the glance of his eyes scripture says I will guide thee with mine eye if the eye doesn't work there is the reproof but if the verbal reproof does not work there will be his actual strokes upon us or upon those connected with us this is what he did with David he says because of this sin you've given occasion to the enemies of God to blaspheme the son will die you read David's psalm psalm 6 psalm 32 psalm 51 and you see the physical ailments

75:11 are God's chastisement I am not saying that all I'm trying to do is answer the question how does God child train correct his children he rebukes them reproves them verbal and he must dig us strong word he scourges them you find this in the passage like 2nd Samuel 7 14 and 15 other passages but the key New Testament passage and this will be the last one that we'll look at tonight and then we'll throw it open for questions is Ephesians chapter 6 here's the pivotal passage in the New Testament on the means to attain this goal how do we teach the children the submission of their wills to God constituted authority Ephesians 6 4 it's addressed to fathers who are the heads and initiators of the discipline of the home but in the light of the passage that just preceded where he speaks of husbands and wives being one it's obvious that they certainly would be one in their goals and vision and administration of discipline so vital an issue in the home but the command comes directed to fathers as the heads initiators the governors of the home and he says first of all negatively don't provoke your children to wrath that is don't exasperate them

76:40 by arbitrary harsh inconsistent or impartial treatment in your discipline now what that means will develop further on when we come to the manner of our discipline but he starts with the negative he says fathers don't provoke them to wrath then it's as though someone says well boy every time I go to discipline they get angry that means I should just let them go no no he says but rather

77:10 bring them to maturity nurture them you see there's that view of the child again it's like a plant that has life it has structure but it hasn't come to full development it's plastic it's pliable it's moldable nurture them that's the task nurture them what's the means in the chastening and admonition of the Lord you have the sanctified use of the rod chastening admonition the verbal directions and reproof and what's the sphere of that activity in the Lord that is it's a chastening and an admonition that takes its authority from the Lord itself he has put the rod in my hand you see if I recognize that I won't wield it at the dictates of my own irritable temperament or my own whims it's not my rod it's not he put it in my hand I must be constantly saying Lord thou who has put the rod in my hand how would you have the rod administered so it will keep me from a harsh use of the rod but it will also keep me from refusing to use the rod it's not a matter of saying it's just not in me to spank my children who cares it's just not

78:40 in me to be sweet at times when God's told me to be patient to be kind to be light it's just not in me to be forgiving sometimes that doesn't make a big difference God said be kind tender hearted forgiving you see if I recognize that the sphere of this activity is that I have a trust from the Lord I'm answerable to his word and his authority and also when

79:12 patient and long suffering or to give me the fortitude to administer the discipline so the task nurture them the means chastening admonition the sphere in which is to be accomplished in the authority and under the grace of God and all to the end that he himself may be glorified now what happens when people ignore neglect or substitute other things to nurture their children nothing but tragedy and tragedy follows hardly any writer on this subject fails to mention the tragic example of Eli and we'll look at it in more detail next week but I would encourage you to read the passage first Samuel chapter three a godly man who set a lovely example for his children but scripture says he restrained them not and the judgment of God fell upon him may I say in closing that you had better settle it and I mean this literally if not on your knees in some quiet place with God that this is the will of God for you as a parent that in the total development of your child he has put the rod of correction with verbal admonition and reproof in your hands and in your mouth and if that means is neglected as we'll see next week some of the tragic results God says

80:42 you'll cooperate with the devil in the damnation of your children then if we're convinced it's the will of God then like anything else that we're convinced is his will we just roll up our sleeves and bend our knees and say Lord give me grace and then go out to do what God has told us to do so much then for the goal the bringing of their wills into subjection to constituted authority for no other reason than that God wills it the means admonition verbal chastisement corporal punishment next week we'll look into the manner may I challenge you to read through some of those verses I read and see if you can come up with some of these things under the manner like for instance it should be done in love whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth see if you can come up with some other aspects of the manner in which our discipline is to be carried out and then I'm sure these booklets will also give you a lot of help and maybe you'll come with your mind already percolating along these lines