Concluding Counsels: When We are the Offender

Driving home: One of the glories of the gospel is that when men and women are transformed by the saving work of the Lord Jesus, there is placed within their hearts, as forgiven sinners, a disposition of forgiveness.

Martin asks listeners to imagine a town where everyone owns their sin, seeks forgiveness, makes restitution, and freely grants forgiveness for one week. This illustrates what the church is meant to be like – a 'little bit of heaven on earth' – demonstrating the power of the gospel to flatten walls between people.

Amen. I want you to imagine with me what it would be like to walk, to walk into a town, a city, or a village somewhere on planet Earth,

3:41 - 3:59 Read in full sermon

The point: We must pray for the grace of humility and a passion for likeness to Jesus that will make us approachable, willing and eager to be shown our sins against one another.

This scenario illustrates the need for the offender (husband) to cultivate humility and approachability so that the offended (wife) feels confident and cheerful in confronting his sin, rather than fearing a proud, self-defensive reaction.

You have sinned against your brother, your sister. As a husband, you spoke sharp words to your wife that you know were sinful.

18:20 - 18:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Dare to go home this afternoon and look hubby straight in the eye and say with judgment day honesty, dear, I want you to answer me. And don't spare me. Is my overall pattern of response to having you point out my offense…

Martin quotes Robert Burns' desire to see oneself as others do, then applies it by stating God has given this power through spouses, challenging listeners to ask their husband or wife for honest feedback on their response to being shown their faults.

Or have you earned the reputation, let the righteous even touch me, and he will be met with self-justification, retaliation, finger-pointing, equivocation. My dear Christian brother or sister, what reputation have you earned? I'm not sure. Robert Burns wrote the words, Would some power the gift would give us to see ourselves as others see us?

22:56 - 23:35 Read in full sermon

The point: Can your wife attest that this is a way of life with her husband? Can your husband attest that this is a way of life with you? If not, why not?

Martin shares a personal testimony of having to leave his study to confess a sharp word to his wife before he could genuinely worship or prepare a sermon. This illustrates the practical application of Matthew 5:23-24 in his own life, emphasizing the need for a tender conscience and immediate reconciliation.

But I'm going to tell him myself. God alone knows the times. And I've gone up into my study to have my time alone with God or to go to my desk to pray for God's help in sermon preparation when conscience got active. And I know that half hour before or whatever it was, that word I spoke to my wife had an edge on it that wasn't Christ-like.

37:21 - 37:52 Read in full sermon

The point: Can your wife attest that this is a way of life with her husband? Can your husband attest that this is a way of life with you? If not, why not?

Martin recounts times he has had to confess sinful overstatements in his preaching before leading prayer, demonstrating that a sensitive conscience demands immediate acknowledgment of sin, even in public ministry.

Will you forgive me? And the response has always been, well, of course, I freely forgive you. Then I come and offer my gift until it has become a way of life. There are some of you sitting here who know at the end of sermons more than once, before I could lead in prayer, I've had to confess some sinful overstatement in my preaching because when I bowed to lead you in prayer at the end of a sermon, my heart smoked me and I couldn't pray until I acknowledged my sin.

38:21 - 39:06 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The third grace is genuine repentance and the wisdom to express it in a way that makes it easy for the offended to forgive. Martin explains that the offended has a right to assess…

This example illustrates the difference between a superficial confession and a genuine, specific confession that makes it easy for the offended (husband) to forgive. It highlights the need for wisdom in expressing repentance, not just saying 'I'm sorry' cavalierly.

Well, I'd let the whole thing rest simply on Matthew 7, 12. And as you would that others should do unto you even so do ye also unto them for this is the law and the prophets. Let's go back to husband and wife again. I'm picking on the husbands and wives.

45:27 - 45:47 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin introduces the 'Seven A's of True Confession' from Peacemaker Ministries as a practical framework for expressing repentance: Address everyone involved, Avoid 'if, but, and…

Martin shares an anecdote from a book where a husband's initial quick apology for a demeaning public comment was insufficient until he truly listened to his wife's deep hurt, leading to a more extensive confession and complete forgiveness. This emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the specific hurt caused by one's sin.

Acknowledge the hurt. Stop long enough to think what your sin did to someone. In one of the books I read, the author was telling of an incident where in a public, semi-public setting, social group, he said something that was very demeaning and shameful to his wife. And she was deeply hurt.

57:45 - 58:05 Read in full sermon

The point: If you've seen your sin in the light of God's burning holiness, if you've seen your sin in the light of Golgotha... You see your sin in the light of Golgotha, and you'll never sit through a sermon like this and say this …

Martin uses the metaphor of a pussycat versus an angry grizzly bear to describe the kind of approachable disposition believers should cultivate when they are the offender, making it easy for others to point out their sins.

So I set before you these three words of counsel. When you are the offender, number one, you must pray for the grace of humility and a passion for likeness to Jesus that will make you approachable, willing, and eager to be shown your sin. In other words, someone approaching you, let them know they're approaching a pussycat and not an angry grizzly bear. If you've got a pet, a pussycat or a bear, which one are you going to go stroke?

60:31 - 61:10 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't you set out to cultivate these three graces. Out of the storehouse of what you can natively bring to them, you'll end up frustrated and cynical. But the Jesus who said, without me you can do nothing, led His servan…

Martin envisions two brothers, one the offender (Jones) and one the offended (Smith), both seeking to obey biblical principles of reconciliation, meeting in the church foyer. This illustrates the ideal climate of a church where God's grace is at work, leading to proactive reconciliation.

And can you think what a climate that is in a dog-eat-dog world full of hate and bitterness and ill-will to come among the people? And I will close with this illustration where here's a brother who came to worship this morning and he remembered during the Sunday school hour, I really have something against Brother Jones. I ought to go to him, so I'm going to seek him out between Sunday school and church. And here's Brother Jones.

65:03 - 65:33 Read in full sermon