Common Failures: Abortive;Inconsistent; Uncontrolled Use

The point: Recognize that a godly, balanced application of the rod will not come easily, as the flesh, world, and devil will militate against it.

The spiritual and emotional climate of homes is compared to either pure air or air containing deadly radon or asbestos, whose devastating effects are not immediately seen but are ultimately tragic. This analogy emphasizes the long-term impact of the home environment on children's development.

Now, for the sake of our visitors or visitor, I saw at least one man in the foyer, I believe, is visiting with us, and there may be others. And for your sake, primarily, let me take just a few minutes to give an explanation of precisely what we're dealing with in our adult class at present, and just where we are in our treatment of that subject. We've been considering together for 12 weeks some very crucial issues of family life under the title, How Not to Foul Up the Training of Our Children. And in dealing with this theme, we've established the necessity of attaining and maintaining a health...

0:08 - 1:30 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that a godly, balanced application of the rod will not come easily, as the flesh, world, and devil will militate against it.

A quote from Charles Bridges' commentary on Proverbs 19:18 is repeated, urging parents not to let tenderness for the child cover weak affections, and stating that there is more mercy in seeming harshness than in false tenderness. This reinforces the necessity of diligent, rather than non-use, of the rod.

The first, the non-use of the rod of correction, described in three different ways. Proverbs 13 and verse 13 refer to the child instead of the child himself. Proverbs 13.24, it is called sparing the rod Adonai, Proverbs 23.13, withholding correction, and Proverbs 29.15, leaving the child to himself. And in each of these cases, we looked at the text and then we saw the tragic causes and results of the non-use. on faster pace Benbenner, Benbenner of the robbed. And by way of review, let me simply give you one further quote from Charles Bridges, or I should say repeat one part of a quote that I g...

4:25 - 5:45 Read in full sermon

Driving home: God many times whips an aged parent by that child which was unwicked at first.

Samuel Lee's sermon is quoted, using the extended imagery of crushing vipers in the egg or killing a snake early in spring before it gains strength. This illustrates the importance of early intervention and checking the first sproutings of sin in children.

the conversion of our children, he gives this sermon. He says, This counsel, set a narrow guard upon the first sproutings of sin in their manner of life. Crush vipers in the egg. Exercise your hazel rods upon the serpent's heads when they first creep out of their holes, being chill and feeble in the beginning of the spring. Now, he's not calling your kids snakes and hit them on the head. This is extended imagery. This is imaginative, figurative language. As you would kill a snake early in the spring when he first crawls out of his hole before he develops the strength of midsummer, when he's fi...

8:55 - 9:46 Read in full sermon

Driving home: God many times whips an aged parent by that child which was unwicked at first.

The ease of pulling off a tender bud versus the pain of removing a grown branch is used to illustrate that early correction of sin is much easier than later attempts to remove deeply rooted corruptions.

every evil and unsavory word at the first hearing. Watch the beginnings, the first bubblings of corruption in them. A man may pull off a snake, but he must set about this work early. Watch the beginnings, the first bubblings of corruption in them. A man may pull off a tender bud with ease, but if he let it grow to a branch, it will cost him some pains to remove it. It is observed by naturalists that a common bringing forth nothing but fern may be made very good ground if, when the weed comes up tender and green, it be often cut down, you will three or four times discourage the root and make it...

9:46 - 10:40 Read in full sermon

Driving home: God many times whips an aged parent by that child which was unwicked at first.

The observation that ground producing only fern can be made good by repeatedly cutting down the tender weed is used to illustrate how consistent, early correction can discourage the root of sin and make it die away.

every evil and unsavory word at the first hearing. Watch the beginnings, the first bubblings of corruption in them. A man may pull off a snake, but he must set about this work early. Watch the beginnings, the first bubblings of corruption in them. A man may pull off a tender bud with ease, but if he let it grow to a branch, it will cost him some pains to remove it. It is observed by naturalists that a common bringing forth nothing but fern may be made very good ground if, when the weed comes up tender and green, it be often cut down, you will three or four times discourage the root and make it...

9:46 - 10:40 Read in full sermon

Driving home: God many times whips an aged parent by that child which was unwicked at first.

Eli, who failed to restrain his sons, and David, who failed to restrain Adonijah, are cited as tragic biblical examples of delayed or non-use of the rod, serving as warnings to parents.

both David and Eli as tragic examples. Eli, who could administer all the affairs of the official worship of God in the tabernacle, but he restrained not his own sons. And David, who could administer battalions on a battlefield and a whole nation. But when he came to his own son, Adonijah, he said not a word to restrain his usurpation of his own throne. Dear people, if the word of God sets forth men of the stature of Eli and David as a warning. God have mercy on us. If we adopt the world's philosophy that is committed to any use of the law, if to any use of the law, to any use of the law, we ar...

11:41 - 12:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Understand what you are seeking to bring about with the rod of correction: repentance, sweet compliance, and aversion to future punishment.

Martin recounts how his young son, before verbal skills, used a rubber dolly to touch a forbidden object while looking his parents in the eye, demonstrating a perverse will attempting to circumvent the letter of the law. This illustrates the early manifestation of a child's will in conflict with parental authority.

And he learns that certain things he is not to touch. Now, he may be so perverse as to take his little rubber dolly and looking you straight in the eye, reach out and not touch it with his hand, but with his little rubber dolly. Long before he can say, dad, I am keeping the letter of the law. I'm not touching it with my hand, but I'll break the spirit of it right under your nose.

14:56 - 15:25 Read in full sermon

Driving home: It stops short of bringing to birth these three things in the psyche of the child. True repentance. Sweet compliance with parental will and an aversion to a repeat performance.

Martin describes seeing children laugh at a weak, painless spanking, which he calls an abortive use of the rod that turns discipline into a charade. This illustrates the ineffectiveness of half-hearted discipline.

The rod has not done its work until its use has brought about these results. Now, some chastise with such a weak and painless use of the rod as actually to make the child laugh. I've seen kids get a little tweak on their behinds and laugh.

20:39 - 20:58 Read in full sermon

The point: Be zealous in seeing the rod do its full work, motivated by proper motives and under spirit-controlled passions, as unto the Lord.

Martin describes parents applying the rod just enough to make a child sullen, or stopping when the child screams beyond the actual pain inflicted, believing the lie. This illustrates abortive use where the will is not broken and repentance is not achieved.

That's an abortive use of the rod. It turns the rod into a charade. Others, and I've seen this so often, apply the rod just enough to make the child sullen and set his jaw. Others apply the rod until the kid screams and hollers far beyond the pain inflicted and then the parent stops.

21:00 - 21:23 Read in full sermon

The point: Be zealous in seeing the rod do its full work, motivated by proper motives and under spirit-controlled passions, as unto the Lord.

Martin quotes his mother's saying, "Give him some more, Dad. He's not sweet yet," referring to the need to continue discipline until genuine repentance and a sweet disposition are manifested. This illustrates the goal of thorough, not abortive, discipline.

There's no keeping with it until, in the language of my mother, give him some more, Dad. He's not sweet yet. Give him some more, Dad. He's not sweet yet.

21:59 - 22:09 Read in full sermon

The point: Be zealous in seeing the rod do its full work, motivated by proper motives and under spirit-controlled passions, as unto the Lord.

Martin suggests having the verse "whatever thy hand finds to do, do with all thy might as unto the Lord" calligraphed on a spanking stick or spoon. This humorous but pointed analogy emphasizes the need for zeal and diligence in administering correction.

Well, on your spanking stick or spoon, and I'll pay for it if you ain't got the money to pay for it. You ought to have somebody put in nice permanent ink, in beautiful calligraphy, whatever thy hand finds to do, do with all thy might as unto the Lord. Yes, that's right. If the hand is holding the rod of correction, motivated as we shall see by proper motives and under spirit-controlled passions.

23:09 - 23:41 Read in full sermon

The point: Be zealous in seeing the rod do its full work, motivated by proper motives and under spirit-controlled passions, as unto the Lord.

Bridges is quoted again, stating that "one decided struggle and victory in very early life under God may do much towards settling the point at once and to the end." This reinforces the importance of thorough, early discipline to prevent deep-rooted corruptions.

Amen. You are to be as zealous in seeing the rod do its full work as I hope you are zealous to give yourself wholly to the worship of God today. Hear the words of Bridges again with regard to this matter of the diligent use of the rod. One decided struggle and victory in very early life under God may do everything for us to do it.

23:41 - 24:07 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives, do not deliberately live with 'visual blinders on' to avoid the burden of disciplining your children, leaving it all for your husband.

Martin gives an example of a father correcting his son's bad attitude (stooped shoulders, downcast look) while emptying garbage, threatening further discipline until the attitude changes. This illustrates the need for parents to address attitudes and dispositions, not just actions, and to be consistent.

But if mom says, Son, will you take your bike and go down to the store and get such and such? I should have gotten it in my shopping list. I forgot. Well, yeah, I wanted to play ball, but I'll go.

31:06 - 31:18 Read in full sermon

The point: Fathers, do not be so concerned with personal leisure that you neglect to pick up on children's sullen faces or bad attitudes.

Martin shares a personal anecdote from his upbringing where a child's sullen look at disliked food would be met with immediate correction and potential spanking. This illustrates the importance of addressing attitudes of ingratitude and disrespect at the table.

Dad just can't be bothered. Dad is so concerned when he gets home to read the sports page and to do this and to do that, that he does not pick up on the sullen face, on the look when you come to the table, and there's a food that one of the children doesn't like. And they, I thank God I was reared in a home where if you looked at anything prepared like that, you were pounced upon like a cat on a mouse.

32:11 - 32:39 Read in full sermon

The point: Grandparents, do not undermine parental discipline by a different standard; share and implement the parents' standards when children are under your influence.

Martin recounts how people often joke about grandparents spoiling their grandkids, but he refuses to smile, stating that undermining parental discipline is sin. This illustrates the danger of grandparents creating inconsistency in discipline.

I don't know how many times since I've become a grandparent I've had people say to me, Isn't it great to be a grandparent? You can spoil your kids. Ha ha, spoil your grandkids. I won't smile or laugh when people say that to me.

35:05 - 35:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Explain righteous standards and the consequences of noncompliance to children, and then do not waffle on the issues, ensuring discipline is not mood-driven.

Martin shares an instance from a parenting film where a father spanks his son for leaving a bike on the sidewalk when he's angry, but ignores the same offense when he's happy about a promotion. This illustrates inconsistent discipline based on the administrator's mood rather than the issue itself.

The exegesis is solid. The applications are practical. And while any other human production, we would not say I would jot across every T and dot every I exactly the same, our brother has proven himself a safe guide in this matter. And, uh, he tells the instance that he saw in a film on parenting where they were illustrating this matter of inconsistency in the issues precipitating discipline.

37:12 - 37:41 Read in full sermon

The point: Ensure that discipline is always controlled by love as its motive, enlightened judgment as its occasion, and a controlled, rational spirit as its regulator.

Martin uses the example of General Schwarzkopf taking Kuwait to illustrate that ruling one's spirit in the face of a child's provocation is a greater feat than taking a city, emphasizing the importance of parental self-control.

Proverbs 16, 32. Better, he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty. You want to be greater than Schwarzkopf? Look at the last part of the verse.

43:07 - 43:20 Read in full sermon

The point: Mothers, do not pick up the rod to vent frustration from the many demands made upon you, as this is not godly discipline.

Martin shares his personal experience as the second oldest of ten children, deeply involved in helping with younger siblings, and raising three children of his own. This establishes his empathy for mothers facing the frustrations and demands of little ones, particularly when tempted to discipline out of anger.

And that's long before wash and dry clothes, when my mother sprinkled all the clothes at night and rolled them up in a ball, and then she would iron them the next night, and there were no automatic washers and many of the other time-saving devices. And yet in the midst of all that, and a kid coming along every two years for 22 years, 11 children, 10 living, I think I have some sympathy because Because I was deeply involved with my younger siblings. That was expected of the older ones of us, that we help bear the burden of the household. And having raised three children to adulthood, and now ha...

46:40 - 47:40 Read in full sermon

The point: Mothers, do not pick up the rod to vent frustration from the many demands made upon you, as this is not godly discipline.

Martin recounts a letter from a mother who realized she resented her daughter for not being the 'domestically inclined' girl she dreamed of, leading to unprincipled discipline. This illustrates how underlying resentments can lead to uncontrolled use of the rod.

Others of you pick up the rod when your basic resentments to your children surface. You say, people here in Trinity resent their children? I tell you, I didn't know whether to run through the house and dance with joy or fall on the floor and weep, and I did sort of a little. Or both.

47:58 - 48:14 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not correct your children in passion, but wait until you are calmed, so they perceive reason, not anger, as the cause.

Martin shares how he would sometimes wake his children at night to ask for their forgiveness if he had disciplined them excessively or in an uncontrolled spirit during the day. This illustrates the importance of parental humility and repentance when they fail in discipline.

Well, what you think is one thing. Daddy knows he's sinned. Will you forgive me? And lest I romanticize about the fact, about these things, I asked my kids recently about these matters, and they told me they remember the times when they were sound asleep and I woke them up, because I couldn't go to bed with a good conscience, and they remember the times when I woke them up and asked them to forgive me that during the day I had disciplined them excessively, or I had disciplined them in something other than a controlled, rational spirit.

50:50 - 51:25 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not correct your children in passion, but wait until you are calmed, so they perceive reason, not anger, as the cause.

Richard Baxter is quoted, advising parents not to correct children in passion but to wait until they are calmed, lest children think anger rather than reason is the cause. This reinforces the need for a controlled, rational spirit in discipline.

And where necessary, if it were done in the presence of the other members of the household, it's better to be confessed to them as well, because they are absorbing a whole theology, a whole practical theology of the principled or the capricious, uncontrolled use of the rod from the manner in which you administer it. Listen to wise old Richard Baxter. Do not correct your children in passion, but wait until they perceive that you are calmed. If you don't, they'll think your anger rather than your reason is the cause.

51:39 - 52:21 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not correct your children in passion, but wait until you are calmed, so they perceive reason, not anger, as the cause.

Richard Steele's sermon is quoted, emphasizing the need for rational consideration of the child's age, sex, disposition, the fault's nature, and offered satisfaction. He warns against 'overmuch heat' in discipline, comparing it to an 'over hot medicine' that scalds rather than cures. This highlights the importance of principled, not passionate, discipline.

In other words, he's saying an enlightened judgment must be the occasion of the administration of discipline. Again. In the old Puritan sermons, and this is in volume two in a sermon by Richard Steele, he says there must be a rational consideration of the age, sex and disposition of the child, the nature and circumstances of the fault and what satisfaction is offered by the delinquent upon a genuine confession or possibly some interposition of another so that the offended parent may keep up his authority, be victorious in his chastisements and come off with honor and good hopes for the child's...

52:22 - 53:47 Read in full sermon