Controlling the Spirit #3: Speech

The point: Remember precisely what the title of our study is, how not to foul up the training of our children. The focus is upon the principles which it is our duty to implement with no absolute assurance that we shall see the desi…

The example of Eli's failure to restrain his sons is used to show that parental failures can lead to ruin, but it is immediately contrasted with God's own children rebelling against Him, to underscore that parental faithfulness does not guarantee godly outcomes.

That some children do indeed make choices that are evil and wicked and ruin their lives because of failures in their parents is taught in the Scriptures. Eli restrained not his sons. God told him he did not, and the fruition of his failure is clearly recorded in the Word of God. But what will one say when God himself says, ''I have brought up children, and they have rebelled against me''?

2:02 - 2:35 Read in full sermon

The point: You must determine by the grace of God and the power of the spirit. To exemplify this virtue of a tongue which is under the influence of a cool and a controlled spirit.

A parent hitting their finger instead of a nail while children are watching is used to illustrate how parents' uncontrolled reactions to pain or frustration reveal an ungoverned spirit through their speech, setting a poor example for children.

Your son, your daughter is out there in the yard when you're repairing the deck, and they just happen to be looking at you when you bang the wrong nail. Instead of hitting the eight-penny nail, you hit the nail on the index finger.

27:31 - 27:45 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin provides the first practical counsel for parents: to exemplify the virtue of a tongue under the influence of a cool, controlled spirit. He warns of the frightening power of…

A child running into a freshly cleaned house with muddy feet after finding a lost item is used to illustrate how parents' uncontrolled anger and harsh words in such situations demonstrate an ungoverned spirit.

The kid comes running in the house. You've just cleaned the carpet. You rented a steamer for the day. And the work is all done.

28:43 - 28:51 Read in full sermon

The point: When we fail, we must be prepared to confess it to God and to our children. Your child will not learn your evil ways if when you banged the wrong nail and you expressed things and maybe even old curse words you hadn't us…

A mother dropping eggs and reacting with frustration, nasty words, and banging the refrigerator is used as an example of a Christian parent's failure in self-control, emphasizing the need for confession to God and children.

That can happen to a Christian. You go and with tears and brokenness take your child in your arms and confess the wicked expression of lack of self-control and sin and ask his forgiveness and say, Daddy is ashamed. Mommy's ashamed that when she dropped those eggs walking from the fridge to the counter to bake the cake in the company was coming and I had no more eggs and I got all frustrated and said nasty things and banged the refrigerator. Christian mothers can do that.

36:31 - 37:02 Read in full sermon

Driving home: I don't want to have to live with the burden of your unresolved inconsistencies and have all the efforts to love your children and pray for them and see them one to Christ neutralized by your cursed, wicked pride and unw…

The story of a girl who stopped lying by confessing to everyone she lied to is used to illustrate that consistent, biblical dealing with sin, even if difficult, leads to progress and a desire to quit the sin.

If you do it ten times a day, I'm going to go and humble myself. You'll end up like that girl that had the problem with lying that came to my wife at the camp many years ago and told her every time she lied tell everyone she lied to. She wrote her in a very short time and said, Dear Aunt Mickey, I've stopped my lying. I've found that just now this wasn't worth doing all I had to do to make it right so I quit.

38:41 - 39:01 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The second counsel is to begin early and deal consistently with clear manifestations of speech precipitated by an ungoverned spirit in children. He categorizes these as 'evil'…

A child interrupting an adult's important phone call to show an earthworm is used to illustrate 'innocent but untimely' speech, demonstrating a lack of self-control that parents must address.

Don't talk. Tolerate that. Their spirit must learn to control that all important bit of verbiage they want to tell you. Maybe Johnny's discovered his first earthworm and to him it's like he discovered a new planet or a new continent and he just got to show you his crawly little grimy little earthworm.

41:34 - 41:56 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin opens the floor for questions and comments, addressing how to manage group conversations among children to teach self-control and how to discern between legitimate…

The scenario of children returning from school and one dominating the conversation is used to illustrate selfish and excessive speech, showing how a lack of early parental teaching on governing the spirit leads to socially boorish adult behavior.

But they've all got to control their spirits so the adult who is there must say uh-oh, now wait a minute you all had such a great time I'm so glad you're all burst and get the scenes but alright what we're going to do is we're going to pick straws who goes first? I mean, you know break off some straws I mean, we did that in our family with things take a straw from the broom and then pull straws on things that may be one you'll want to do or you'll want to say alright, let's start

46:28 - 47:13 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin opens the floor for questions and comments, addressing how to manage group conversations among children to teach self-control and how to discern between legitimate…

Martin shares a personal anecdote of hitting the pulpit and drawing blood while preaching, using it to illustrate a legitimate physical reaction to pain that still requires self-control in expression, distinguishing it from an ungoverned outburst.

give any kind of an extensive answer in the two minutes I have or even an extensive catalogue but I think it comes back to this thing where once you're aware of the difference between the legitimate reaction I mean there are times when in preaching I've literally drawn blood from this pulpit my hand has come down and caught the sharp edge and I've had to without some of you knowing take a handkerchief and apply pressure so you wouldn't have had a hand spattering blood well that's all we need to hear you know the guy got so mad that blood was spattering all over the place but it has really hurt...

49:57 - 50:40 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin opens the floor for questions and comments, addressing how to manage group conversations among children to teach self-control and how to discern between legitimate…

A child scraping a knee is used to illustrate the difference between legitimate crying due to pain and an exaggerated, ungoverned emotional display, which parents must discern and address.

there's a legitimate thing when a kid scrapes his knee to cry it stings but when you sense he's just throwing himself on the crest of that very sharp but non-threatening not traumatic pain you say now wait a minute I know you scraped your knee mommy's going to wash it off and care for it but all that crying you'd think you'd had your leg cut off now stop it see and you let them know that you know what they're doing and then you let them know and you compassionately clean it say now this is going to sting a little bit but I don't want you screaming because mommy's doing this to help you when we...

50:40 - 51:25 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin opens the floor for questions and comments, addressing how to manage group conversations among children to teach self-control and how to discern between legitimate…

The story of Martin's children being taught to control themselves during doctor's shots is used to illustrate how consistent parental discipline can teach children self-control in the face of pain, preventing exaggerated reactions.

there's a legitimate thing when a kid scrapes his knee to cry it stings but when you sense he's just throwing himself on the crest of that very sharp but non-threatening not traumatic pain you say now wait a minute I know you scraped your knee mommy's going to wash it off and care for it but all that crying you'd think you'd had your leg cut off now stop it see and you let them know that you know what they're doing and then you let them know and you compassionately clean it say now this is going to sting a little bit but I don't want you screaming because mommy's doing this to help you when we...

50:40 - 51:25 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin opens the floor for questions and comments, addressing how to manage group conversations among children to teach self-control and how to discern between legitimate…

The story of his son's undiagnosed greenstick fracture is used to illustrate that parents will sometimes miss legitimate pain, but this occasional error will not 'warp' children if the overall pattern is consistent in teaching self-control.

yeah yeah you'll miss it one time one time my son had broken his arm and we saw no sign I did all of the home things I knew to do to see if anything were broken pulled on the fingers and no sharp pain and all the rest and I said so we said forget it until when no one was watching we saw him favoring it and unable to lift his arm up to put his shirt on we said something's wrong three days later we took him to the doctor x-rayed it he had a green stick fracture of the upper arm well I hope he hasn't been psychologically traumatized for the rest of his life you see so we missed some but the kids ...

52:28 - 53:12 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin opens the floor for questions and comments, addressing how to manage group conversations among children to teach self-control and how to discern between legitimate…

The analogy of childbirth pain is used to illustrate that while pain is real, a woman with a controlled spirit will express it differently than one who 'carries on like a herd of wild banshees,' emphasizing the virtue of self-control even in intense suffering.

in which no expression emotionally is proper or just letting them ride the crest if we do that with a young lady she'll be the one who's bellering and hollering from her first contraction on into the birthing room will make the whole hospital think that someone's cutting her head off and you as a mother can appreciate that you've given birth to children and it's you know all of the natural childbirth things notwithstanding and they don't like the word pain but the bible is right I will greatly multiply by pain in thy conception in pain thou shalt bring forth but what is the measure of pain is ...

53:12 - 53:57 Read in full sermon