Controlling the Spirit #3: Speech

Introduction: The Purpose of the Series and Review of Admonition Categories

0:01 How not to foul up the training of your children. This is cassette number 31 in a series given by Pastor Albert N. Martin in the adult Sunday school class of the Trinity Baptist Church on September 22, 1991. It hardly seems possible to me, though it may seem so to some, perhaps even many of you, that we've come to our 30th study on the subject, how not to foul up the training of our children.

0:35 And I would, first of all, underscore that the choice of the words in the title of this series is very deliberate and purposeful. The title is not, how infallibly to produce godly children, because there is no such thing. There is no such formula in the Word of God. But the emphasis is upon how not to foul up the training of our children.

1:06 Ours is to train them according to the Word of God. The issue and the fruit of that training is ultimately in the hands of God himself and not our hands. And I emphasize that periodically. We will have a whole section at the end of our series to overhaul.

1:27 We'll open up that principle from the Word of God itself. But it is important from time to time to underscore it, lest any of you assume naively and unbiblically that there is any approach to the training of our children in theory or practice which has a guarantee that it will be effectual, and if it is not, is an indication that you failed as a parent. That's a doctrine. A doctrine of tyranny and cruelty, and it is not taught in the Word of God.

2:02 That some children do indeed make choices that are evil and wicked and ruin their lives because of failures in their parents is taught in the Scriptures. Eli restrained not his sons. God told him he did not, and the fruition of his failure is clearly recorded in the Word of God. But what will one say when God himself says, ''I have brought up children, and they have rebelled against me''?

2:35 Will you charge God with the folly of being a poor parent? I don't think anyone would be guilty of that blasphemy. So it's good from time to time to remember precisely what the title of our study is, how not to foul up the training of our children. The focus is upon the principles which it is our duty to implement with no absolute assurance that we shall see the desired fruition in that implementation which rests ultimately in the hands of God.

3:13 And then secondly, I want you to know that whenever I review and give the major headings, I don't do that arbitrarily. If you take careful notes, I'll tell you my secret. I look through my notes, and about once every month or five weeks, I give the major headings for the simple reason that in the course of a month or five weeks, we usually have accumulated some new adherents who are coming on a regular basis who began to come within the past month. And so that they will not be hopelessly lost and have some idea of where we've been, I give this review.

3:51 It's not filler. Because I didn't have enough material, or I'm trying to bluff it. And I hope you don't regard it as tedious. If you do, it either reflects total ignorance of why I'm doing what I'm doing, or a carnal selfishness that because you don't need it, no one else needs it, and your needs should determine what I do.

4:12 Now that's plain talk, but that's years of pastoral dealings with people and a knowledge of the human heart. I know some of you get irritated when I review, but frankly, I don't care. Because if you don't care, I don't care. Because if you're so carnal as to have the whole world revolve around you, it's good to remind you once in a while that that's true, so you'll repent and have dealings with the Lord.

4:31 And if the review does nothing else but lead you to fresh repentance, then it's good. All right? Now, what we're doing in this class, I've indicated by the title, and the present focus of our opening up of the subject is the second major means ordained of God for the training of our children. Those means, according to Ephesians, being two, there is the godly application of the rod of correction, Ephesians 4, nurture them in the chastening and the admonition of the Lord.

5:09 And for a number of weeks, we've been focusing upon what constitutes the admonition which is of the Lord, that is, which derives its authority from the Bible and therefore from the Lordship of Christ, and can be administered in the confidence that it will indeed be pleasing to Him and hopefully blessed and owned of Him to its desired end. And taking that whole subject of godly admonition, using the book of Proverbs as our primary source book, we have seen that the foundational issue in godly admonition is the constant reiteration of the fear of God. It is the...

5:54 It is the chief part of all knowledge. So that our admonition must have constant and repeated references to the being of God, the authority of God, the eye of God, the judgment of God, the grace of God, the power of God. The whole concept of the fear of God and all the richness of that biblical concept should percolate through the entirety of our admonitory influence with our children. Having established that, we are now concerned with the major categories that are emphasized in the book of Proverbs,

6:34 which is the divinely inspired textbook for godly admonition. And we have seen that parents must admonish their children to be attentive listeners to godly parental instruction. They must admonish their children, secondly, to be active and earnest in the pursuit of knowledge. Knowledge and wisdom.

6:55 Thirdly, they must admonish their children to desire, welcome, heed, rebuke, correction and counsel. Fourthly, they must admonish their children to recognize and avoid moral defilement and those people and influences that would lead them into it. Fifthly, they must admonish their children concerning the righteous use of their tongues. Sixth, they must admonish...

7:24 They must admonish their children to avoid laziness and its devastating fruits and to cultivate diligence, industry and its blessed results. And now we are on the seventh major emphasis in the book of Proverbs. Parents must admonish their children to seek to attain the moral nobility of controlling their own spirits. Or in New Testament language, we must admonish them to seek to attain the virtue...

7:54 of self-control. We worked through the four major texts in Proverbs which deal with this subject explicitly. Then we drew three very crucial conclusions. And then last week, we began to identify the two primary areas where this virtue or the absence of the virtue of the controlling of one's spirit will most frequently and most clearly be manifested.

8:23 We identified... We identified those two areas as the passion of anger and secondly the activity of the tongue.

The Biblical Witness: Connecting a Governed Spirit to Speech

8:32 Now, having dealt with the first, that is the passion of anger, we now take up the second. Parents, in the admonition of their children, to develop the noble grace, the noble virtue of self-control must do so with special reference to the ruling of their spirit...

8:55 ...spirits...

8:56 the activity of their tongues. Now, for some who might say, well, pastor, didn't we just sing more about Jesus, would I learn? Why do we have to hear more about the human spirit and the tongue? Well, the hymn writer understood the intimate relationship. This is what you sang in the third

9:18 stanza, more about Jesus in his word, holding communion with my Lord, hearing his vine, making each faithful saying mine. Christ, in whom all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden, it is Christ who speaks in the book of Proverbs, and it is Christ's words with which we now hold communion with Christ himself. And don't ever be deluded by a pseudo-spirituality that thinks we only learn more about Jesus when

9:58 we're talking explicitly about Jesus. We learn more about Jesus when Jesus speaks to us, and we hold communion with him in every line and faithful saying of his own word. So we are indeed having a fulfillment of what we sang this morning. Now, we'll finish.

10:20 We've followed the same outline as last week. We've identified the two areas where the ruling of one's spirit will most clearly be manifested in dealing with the passion of anger and in dealing with the use of the tongue. First of all, then, let's look at the biblical witness, and then we'll give practical counsel, and then hopefully have time for mutual interaction. First of all, then, the biblical witness.

10:50 What texts clearly indicate that there is an intimate relationship between a governed spirit or the absence of the same, and what this little member between our cheeks does or does not do? Well, the first and pivotal text is Proverbs 17 and verse 27. Proverbs 17 and verse 27. Proverbs 17 and verse 27.

11:21 Proverbs 17 and verse 27. Proverbs 17 and verse 27. His words have knowledge, and he that is of a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Now notice the clear parallel between knowledge and understanding.

11:38 So this is one of those elements in Hebrew poetry where we have parallelism. We have the same thing expressed in a little different way. Knowledge and understanding establish the parallelism. Listen. In the first part of the verse, it's he who spares his words who has knowledge.

12:00 And in the second part of the verse, it is he who is of a cool spirit who is a man of understanding. What is the conclusion? The manifestation of a cool spirit as opposed to a hot, agitated, boiling, uncontrolled spirit is the sparing of one's words. The carefulness.

12:21 The careful, judicious use of one's words. Now do you see that in the text? You see it with your own eyeballs there in the text? So making the connection between a governed spirit and the use of speech is not a notion we've imported into the word.

12:39 It is a principle necessitated by a responsible handling of the word of God. There's the first of the biblical witnesses. Now the second is in Proverbs 15 and verse 28. Proverbs 15 and verse 28.

12:57 The heart of the righteous studieth to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Here in the Hebrew poetic structure, you have not parallelism, but you have contrast. You notice how we've been seeing that? And what is the contrast?

13:17 Righteous and wicked. You see that in the text? Righteous in A of the verse. Wicked in B.

13:24 Now, what is the characteristic of the righteous? His heart to answer. In other words, before his lips go into motion, his heart gets into gear.

13:44 His heart gets in gear and is involved in an activity called studying before the lips are put into gear and begin to blabber. The heart. The mouth of the righteous studies to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Without any sober reflection, whatever is pumped up into the mouth from the wicked man's heart, he then pours out.

14:15 All that's pumped in from the heart into the mouth is poured out by means of the lips. Now, granted, in a child of God, there will not be a reigning sin. There will not be a sin of merely pouring out of the lips whatever the heart pumps in to the mouth. No.

14:37 But remaining sin acts in kind, though not in degree or extent, exactly as reigning sin. So that for the child of God, the evidence of the governing of his spirit will be that his mouth does not simply pour out. The evil that may be thought and felt by remaining sin in his own spirit. But rather, as a righteous man, he will stop, he will think, he will restrain the activity of his mouth until his mouth gets some righteous, sober instruction from his heart.

15:23 You see that in the passage then? Then a third text. Proverbs 10 and verse 19. Proverbs 10.

15:31 Proverbs 10 and verse 19. Multitude of words, there wanteth not transgression. Again, in the Hebrew poetical structure, we have contrast. He that refrains his lips doeth wisely or is wise.

15:58 The contrast is between the multitude of words which comes from unrefrained lips. And the relative sparsity. Of words that come from refrained lips. And the inference is that it is only the one who refrains his lips.

16:21 That is, whose activity of the lips is regulated by a greater principle than merely saying what one feels at the moment. There is an expression of this noble grace of the control of...

16:40 Of the spirit dictating what comes out of the lips, thereby manifesting true wisdom. He doeth wisely or he is wise in either case, whether the proper rendering falls upon his character or upon his action. Wisdom is the bracket over both. By inference, the lack of that is folly.

17:07 So in this passage, again, we see that... The control of one's spirit will be manifested in the regulation of just a matter of personality.

17:23 One child is shy, one is more loquacious. One is quiet and pensive and the other is naturally talkative. Given that all of that is true, there are deeper principles at work which must be brought to bear upon the consciences of our children. And insofar as we can regulate it.

17:44 And insofar as we can regulate it. And insofar as we can regulate it. And insofar as we can regulate it. And insofar as we can regulate it.

17:46 And insofar as we can regulate it. And insofar as we can regulate it. While in our homes and under our government. And then, turning to another portion.

17:55 I said primarily we would use the book of Proverbs, but I didn't say exclusively. Note the close proximity between ungoverned words and anger that is sinful. And restrained words and the virtue. Of self-control.

18:17 Turn in the New Testament to James chapter 1. It is not without reason that Solomon emphasizes these two things in part.

18:30 As evidences of whether or not the human spirit is under control or lack of control. The passion of anger and the activity of the tongue. Notice how intimately they are joined in the book of James. Chapter 1.

18:48 And verse 19. Know this, my beloved brethren. But let every man be swift to hear. Slow to speak.

19:01 That is, govern the use of your tongue by principles other than impulse. Slow to wrath. Slow to speak. Slow to wrath.

19:15 For the wrath of man works not the righteous. It is the righteousness of God. Notice the intimate connection between slow to speak. Self-control of the tongue.

19:27 Slow to wrath. Control of the passion of anger. It doesn't say kill off your wrath until you lose the capacity to be angry. That is not the Bible teaching.

19:38 And then in verse 26. The concept of the noble grace of the control is brought out very vividly. By the imagery of what? What you do with a horse.

19:51 When you would control it and you place in its mouth a bit and attach to the bit there is bridle. We read in verse 26. If any man thinks or seems to be religious while he bridleth not his tongue.

20:10 Bridles his tongue. That's a conscious deliberate activity of the man himself. Now we know that ultimately it's the grace. Of God that enables him.

20:23 Yes, but the grace does not operate in the way that bypasses conscious self-control. If any man professes, seems to be religious in his own judgment, declares himself to be a possessor of true religion. But that internal religion does not so affect his own spirit as to cause his spirit to have a shock. In which he makes a bit of a difference.

20:52 And a bridle and hands that will reach up 18 inches or 12 inches to place it on his own tongue. That man's religion is vain and he is utterly self-deceived. Well brethren, I trust these passages are sufficient to carry your judgment. That indeed in the matter of the noble control of one's but to the use of one's tongue.

21:31 And for one final biblical witness. To show how this actually works out when a man is doing it. We have a testimony of a man who was consciously doing this. In a very difficult situation.

21:43 Turn to Psalm 39. One final biblical witness. Psalm 39. I will take heed to my ways.

22:00 Sin not with my tongue. Here was a resolution. Not to sin in the use of his tongue. I will.

22:11 I will keep my mouth with a bridle while the wicked is before me. There was his resolution. That he would exercise this noble virtue of the control of his spirit in relationship to the activity of his tongue in the presence of the wicked. And then he did what he purposed in his heart to do.

22:35 Verse 2. I was done. I said I will. And then by the grace of God I was.

22:43 I will. I was done with silence. My peace even from good. And my sorrow was stirred.

22:55 My heart was hot within me. While I was musing the fire burned. This man's silence was not an easily retained silence. His spirit was deeply agitated.

23:11 But having purposed to restrain himself he did restrain himself. And he spoke only when he was prepared to speak. And when he spoke he didn't speak words concerning which he had to repent of. But he spoke words which frame one of the most noble prayers found in the Psalms with reference to a proper perspective on life.

23:38 Then spake I with my tongue. Lord make me to know mine end. And the measure of my days what it is. Let me know how frail I am.

23:52 Whatever the circumstances were. You read on in the Psalm and you'll see that he was in a period of affliction. And apparently discipline from the Lord for his own sin. Verse 11.

24:05 When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquity. You make his beauty different. You make his beauty to consume like a moth. But you see in the midst of that he wasn't complaining.

24:15 Oh God why are you so hard on me. Why are things. No no he had determined that his spirit would regulate his tongue. And he wouldn't let his tongue speak till his spirit said even though it was turbulent within him.

24:28 What your tongue is now about to speak will honor God. Now friends that's what it means to have the noble grace of self control. It doesn't mean you neuter your ability to have a hot heart. That isn't what the text says.

24:45 Some people get the idea well if I can only grow in grace I'll sort of be emotionally neutered. And then I just won't feel things deeply. That's not to be growing in grace. That's to be growing like a lobotomized zombie.

25:00 That's to be growing unlike God and unlike Christ. And if you've got that notion may God kill it in you. You're not a man around me. You're not a man or a woman if you cannot feel.

25:12 And feel deeply. And understand what it is to feel deep inward agitation and perturbation of spirit. But it's what you do with it that is either making it virtuous or vicious. So here then is a clear example of the very virtue that we've established from the word of God has a direct relationship with the governance of the human spirit.

Practical Counsel #1: Parents Must Exemplify Self-Control in Speech

25:38 Alright. That's the biblical witness. Now. What practical counsel do I give?

25:43 Leading hopefully to some fruitful discussion at least for ten minutes at the end as we had last week. What practical counsel can I give? If we're to give this kind of admonition to our children. What counsel do we as parents need for ourselves?

26:01 Number one. You must determine by the grace of God and the power of the spirit. To exemplify this. To exemplify this virtue of a tongue which is under the influence of a cool and a controlled spirit.

26:22 I'm using the language of Proverbs now. You must determine by the grace of God and the power of the spirit. To exemplify this virtue of a tongue which is under the influence of a cool and a controlled spirit. A spirit which though it may be hot within you, does not speak.

26:52 Until it is convinced the words will be something more than a fuel for repentance. And your words are either going to be the occasion of praise to God. That He helped to govern your tongue by the reigns of a controlled spirit. Or.

27:09 A fuel for repentance. that you've spoken more words which were reflective of an uncontrolled spirit. A spirit without restraint, making you like the city with its walls broken down. You see, the power of example in this area with your children is frightening.

27:31 Your son, your daughter is out there in the yard when you're repairing the deck, and they just happen to be looking at you when you bang the wrong nail. Instead of hitting the eight-penny nail, you hit the nail on the index finger.

27:54 They see you. And if there's no control over your spirit when the pain registers on your brain, they're not going to fault you if you...

28:03 What's the matter, Daddy? If I hit the wrong nail, kids should have been looking more carefully. Kids aren't going to fault you. You're not to be a stoic.

28:14 And you hit the thing. Oh, that's...

28:21 That's not godliness. That's inhumanity. The Holy Ghost doesn't make us unhuman. Yes, you can yell out with pain.

28:30 But if you start mumbling under your breath in a way that you may as well be cursing, you show that you have no control over your spirit, which in turn is letting your mouth go loose.

28:43 The kid comes running in the house. You've just cleaned the carpet. You rented a steamer for the day. And the work is all done.

28:52 And Lord... Lo and behold, your kid's out in the backyard.

28:55 It rained the day before. And he discovered something he had lost the winter before. And now he found it. And in the excitement, he comes running in, feet dripping with mud.

29:04 Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. Lo and behold, there's the mud cracks all over the place. What are you going to do? I know some of you do.

29:12 Before you know it, you're ripping that kid to shred with your words. Need I go on and give more examples?

29:21 And you see, one of the problems is because the child is a minor, and still under your roof by law,

29:28 he can't obey Proverbs 22, 24, and 25. Look at it. Your child can't obey Proverbs 22, 24, and 25.

29:41 You make it impossible for your child to obey a crucial passage of Scripture with regard to this very issue. Make no friendship with a man that is given to anger, and with a wrathful man thou shalt not go, lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. God forbids us to keep company with people who don't have a governed spirit.

30:06 But your child has no choice, and he will learn your ways.

30:15 That's serious, isn't it? And the reason why some of you have not gotten down to business with regard to this matter of the governing of your spirit as manifested in the passion of anger, and as manifested in the use of the tongue, and we've seen that often, those, who are very closely related, not only in the Word of God, but in human experience, that many of our words that form fuel for repentance are precipitated by a spirit of unrighteous anger or legitimate anger that is not governed by the spirit into right channels. And God says, don't make friendship with a man that's given to anger,

30:58 that does not control his spirit, and that uncontrolled spirit, that manifests itself in the use of his tongue. Don't be around him. You're going to learn his ways. And your poor kids can't obey that verse, and they learn your stinking ways.

31:15 And then they get passed on to your kids. And then they have to, I shouldn't say they have to, others have to live with them, and the marital bond, and their kids, and then it goes on. Dear people, when will some of you get to the place where you say, God, this thing has got us.

31:38 Perpetuate it to the next generation. They can't obey the text. So if you've got a problem in this area,

31:46 let me urge you, if you're going to, by the grace of God and the power of the spirit, exemplify this virtue, you've got to get some concentrated spiritual bombardment on this sin of your ungoverned spirit as it comes to light in the use of your tongue. What are you going to do? Well, the first thing you do is get convinced that you've got to deal with it and deal with it radically. It ain't just going to go away.

32:12 The patterns are ingrained and they're of long years standing. You've got to cry to God. Second thing, use the means available to deal with it. May I commend the series on the bridal tongue that many have said has greatly helped them in this area.

32:29 It's one of the older series in the Trinity Pulpit, Six Messages on the Bridal Tongue. Prayerfully work through that series. Pray in the biblical principles. Confess the sins that will be on earth.

32:43 Ask that God will make that series a means of grace in your life as He has in the lives of others. Then I say again, turn to old Baxter. I re-read large sections of Baxter on the whole matter. Directions for the government of the tongue.

33:00 Starting on page 342 and you know where he ends up? He doesn't stop till way over on page 372. 300 and let me get the exact yes, 374. 374.

33:25 And it's very interesting. I often have people ask me, Pastor, what's it mean when it says every idle word that men shall speak they shall give an account thereof in the day of judgment? There's a whole section on the special directions against idle talk and babbling. And then he goes on for page after page dozens of scripture.

33:48 If you're serious, the help is there, folks. If you're not serious, you say, now, too much bother. I'll have to miss my favorite TV programs for a month while I wade through Baxter. Well, frankly, if you care no more for your children and their ability or lack of ability to cultivate a governed spirit manifested in a disciplined tongue and to like your sitcoms and your favorite football team and watching those things, then, and reading Baxter and listening to a series of tapes and crying to God, I really wonder if you're in a state of grace.

34:23 Maybe it's time you just gave up your profession and said, look, I've got vain religion because I neither have a bridal tongue nor am I willing to pay the price to get one. God says you're self-deceived and your religion is vain. Now, folks, I hope you don't think I'm angry saying these things. I'm talking plain.

34:42 But remember McShane's words. He loves you most who tells you the most important thing. He loves the truth about yourself. And the time with some of you for nice sweetsie-patsie talk is over.

34:54 You've had enough light to have made significant progress in this area and some of you are not making progress and you know it. And the reason you're not is you're not desperate enough.

35:06 And if you're not, why not? Either because you don't care or you have no power. And in either case, you have no grounds to claim you're a Christian because a Christian does care and a Christian can do all things through Christ who strengthens him. So it's time you got off dead center or give up your profession and go ahead and call yourself the worldling that you are.

35:32 And don't spoil it. If you're going to have some fun, you're not going to have it when you die. So you might as well just throw yourself into this present world and have the bit of fun you can until you die and go to hell.

35:45 But to go on saying, well, if I'm not this and not that, it doesn't matter. Yes, it does matter. It does matter. Because one of the marks of the righteous is that he has a governed tongue.

35:58 You and I must determine by the grace of God and the power of the Spirit to exemplify this virtue of a tongue that is under the influence of a cool and a controlled spirit. And there are means available to help us. And when we fail, we must be prepared to confess it to God and to our children. Your child will not learn your evil ways if when you banged the wrong nail and you expressed things and maybe even old curse words you hadn't used in years came out before you knew it.

36:31 That can happen to a Christian. You go and with tears and brokenness take your child in your arms and confess the wicked expression of lack of self-control and sin and ask his forgiveness and say, Daddy is ashamed. Mommy's ashamed that when she dropped those eggs walking from the fridge to the counter to bake the cake in the company was coming and I had no more eggs and I got all frustrated and said nasty things and banged the refrigerator. Christian mothers can do that.

37:02 Yes! But they don't just wipe their mouth and say, oh well, nobody's perfect and forget it. They go to God through Christ for forgiveness and they gather the children around and say, Mom is terribly sorry. Her spirit was not being governed by the Holy Spirit.

37:19 That's why Mommy said those things. That's why Mommy did those things in anger. I pray, you'll never do those things. Will you forgive me?

37:29 Are you doing that? Are you?

37:34 Or do you come from a refrigerator-banging session to the house of God and never sit your kids down and tell them it was sin? You know what your kids are doing? They're thinking we're all a bunch of phonies like you are. And that's why we can preach our guts out and they don't believe it.

37:48 They figure Pastor Martin bangs the refrigerator just like Mommy does or Pastor Martin grumbles under his breath just like my dad does. Yeah, if I could see him like I see him. But you are the embodiment of what Christianity is and they project everything you are or are not onto us who stand before them. And frankly, I don't like being spattered with your sin.

38:08 I've got enough of my own to deal with.

38:10 I've got enough to do to keep my own credibility before God and those who are closest to me. I don't want to have to live with the burden of your unresolved inconsistencies and have all the efforts to love your children and pray for them and see them one to Christ neutralized by your cursed, wicked pride and unwillingness to humble yourself when you've manifested an ungoverned spirit. It's time somebody stopped it and began to humble yourself. It's amazing what progress you'll make if you're determined.

38:41 If you do it ten times a day, I'm going to go and humble myself. You'll end up like that girl that had the problem with lying that came to my wife at the camp many years ago and told her every time she lied tell everyone she lied to. She wrote her in a very short time and said, Dear Aunt Mickey, I've stopped my lying. I've found that just now this wasn't worth doing all I had to do to make it right so I quit.

39:03 That's what will happen to some of you. You start dealing biblically with these things and you'll say it isn't worth it so I'll quit. Not in self-help but you'll get desperate enough in your prayers and in the use of the means of grace and in counting ten before you go banging the refrigerator and mumbling and all the rest. And lo and behold you will make progress.

Practical Counsel #2: Deal Consistently with Ungoverned Speech in Children

39:25 Second counsel,

39:27 you must begin early and deal consistently with clear manifestations of speech. You must begin early and deal consistently with clear manifestations of speech precipitated by an ungoverned spirit in your children. Begin early and deal consistently with clear manifestations of speech or probably better grammatically would be with clear manifestations of speech clearly precipitated by. Dr. Bob feels better

40:06 with that and so do I. That's better. So I'm going to change that in my notes. You must begin early and deal consistently with manifestations of speech clearly precipitated by an ungoverned spirit in your children.

40:22 Now they will fall into two categories. Evil and innocent but untimely.

40:30 Evil manifestations when they say rash, hasty, nasty, biting, cutting things to their siblings. When they say impudent things to you. Would you please do this? No.

40:47 The spirit of rebellion before taken in hand spit out the word of rebellion. Deal with that and go from the mouth to the spirit. But some things are innocent but untimely. Interrupted speech.

41:01 You see a kid, one of the marks of a child Paul said when I was a child I fought as a child. And one of the marks of a child is the whole world centers around him. And he wants everybody in that world to center around him. What he's just discovered what he just feels what he wants and so one of the marks of speech expressive of a lack of the control of the spirit is when the children will interrupt to adults who are speaking or you're speaking to one of the other children and they butt right in.

41:34 Don't talk. Tolerate that. Their spirit must learn to control that all important bit of verbiage they want to tell you. Maybe Johnny's discovered his first earthworm and to him it's like he discovered a new planet or a new continent and he just got to show you his crawly little grimy little earthworm.

41:57 And that's all important to him. His world centers around the earthworm in his hand and he can say well let me think. You may be on the phone dealing with it very importantly if you've got the no no just a minute excuse the person Johnny mommy's talking whatever you have to say your clothes are not on fire you're not bleeding to death it'll wait. Now you wait till mommy's done you go out and play and when I'm done I will get you and you go yes mommy one more word and I'll stop my telephone call and you'll have your bottom warped.

42:29 You're teaching the child the control of the spirit or the uncontrolled of the spirit. That when his spirit moves him to be excited about something he can say anything he wants to anyone in any circumstances you can't live that way in the real world. So you must teach little Johnny that interruptive speech is unacceptable unacceptable excessive speech. Your time is important it takes time to listen to what I have to say.

42:57 You teach little Sally yes now look honey look mommy's got two minutes before she's got to go pick up daddy when he gets off the train. Now you tell yes but mommy I've got so many two minutes yeah two minutes any more you won't have any minutes. You're teaching them to control the spirit and then there's selfish speech not only interruptive excessive but selfish speech. One kid's more loquacious than the other and his spirit is more ebullient and more bubbly than the other boy or girl and in any group situation where the kids have come in from play how did things go today?

43:32 The kids come back from school and you're going to have a little review of how things went. One of them will dominate the conversation. What a horribly socially boorish thing it is to have someone who just absolutely swallows up conversation in a group situation. Where did they get that way?

43:48 Nobody ever taught them to govern their spirit when they were kids. And it's showing with excessive speech in an adult pattern. So you as parents must begin early and deal consistently with manifestations of speech clearly precipitated by an ungoverned spirit in your children. Now obviously the kid comes running through the door his head all covered with blood he fell down split himself open and he's crying and you're in the midst of it.

44:17 You don't say now look you've got to learn to control your spirit just go sit out on the porch and bleed for a while. No no God doesn't expect us to be inhuman dear people. I'm not saying that at all I'm not suggesting it but I am in these areas not merely suggesting I'm urging you to pray that you know the difference. Between legitimate interrupted speech and that which is an indication of an ungoverned spirit.

Practical Counsel #3: Relate Speech Issues to Deeper Spiritual Roots

44:46 And then thirdly my third word of counsel you must constantly seek to relate these issues to their deeper spiritual roots. You must constantly seek to relate these issues to their deeper spiritual roots. As you deal with your children one of the texts they ought to memorize without knowing they've memorized it just because of the many times you've quoted it to them is out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. The fruit of the spirit is self-control.

45:18 He that rules not his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls. You must teach those texts. You must constantly remind their children that these manifestations of ungoverned speech are rooted in an ungoverned spirit. And that an ungoverned spirit is often one of the clearest indications of an unregenerate heart or if a regenerate heart a heart that needs the infusion of much more grace.

45:51 For Galatians 5.23 the fruit of the spirit is self-control. Well, I haven't left you ten minutes I've left you five minutes for interaction but I did want to give these practical counsels. Questions?

Q&A and Concluding Exhortation

46:04 Comments? Yes.

46:28 But they've all got to control their spirits so the adult who is there must say uh-oh, now wait a minute you all had such a great time I'm so glad you're all burst and get the scenes but alright what we're going to do is we're going to pick straws who goes first? I mean, you know break off some straws I mean, we did that in our family with things take a straw from the broom and then pull straws on things that may be one you'll want to do or you'll want to say alright, let's start

47:13 with the youngest and go to the oldest and each one has one minute first and then we can have a second round and the rest of you I don't want you to sit there you know when you're conversing with people and you know they're not listening they're just marking time until you're done so they can get it what, oh, if anything makes you want to belt someone in the mouth they got that glassy-eyed look you know they're really not listening to you they're just looking at your lips waiting for them to stop and then and then they go huh? you're all laughing you know what I'm talking about don't you? where'd they learn that? they learned that as kids when that was tolerated at the table and you say now the rest of you all listen while little little Sally here tells us her thing I want you all to listen and you look over hey Johnny you listen to your sister if I speak to you one more time you forfeit your two minutes you don't say anything alright

47:58 and they go you're teaching them that principle very good point because in group conversation especially when it's something in which we're all actively interested we've got to learn to control our spirits and God is not the author of confusion there's the good text to use that there at Corinth you had that very situation in a church meeting all these people with a gift of prophecy oh gee I've got a word for the Lord I've got to speak oh I'm itching in my feet I've got to speak and someone else says I've got to speak I've got to speak I've got to speak someone else says I've got a tongue from the Lord whoopee I've got to speak Paul said that someone comes in and says hey I'm in Overbrook you're all mad it's a madhouse it's not a church it's a madhouse why? they had no control over their spirits

48:42 that's why Paul said the spirits of the prophets is subject to the prophets so if a man even so wrought upon by the spirit is to be an organ of direct revelation must control his own spirit how much more a group of kids talking about their trip to the zoo how much more so I'm glad you brought that up Elaine excellent point and urge you parents to take note of that alright we've got time for another question or contribution alright let's see I think a hand was raised back here first Joe alright yes

49:12 yeah yeah yeah it's a very good question Diane and of course one could not

49:57 give any kind of an extensive answer in the two minutes I have or even an extensive catalogue but I think it comes back to this thing where once you're aware of the difference between the legitimate reaction I mean there are times when in preaching I've literally drawn blood from this pulpit my hand has come down and caught the sharp edge and I've had to without some of you knowing take a handkerchief and apply pressure so you wouldn't have had a hand spattering blood well that's all we need to hear you know the guy got so mad that blood was spattering all over the place but it has really hurt and I wanted to say ouch you stupid preacher why don't you look where you're using your hands you know but I have to say but I had to control that well in the same way

50:40 there's a legitimate thing when a kid scrapes his knee to cry it stings but when you sense he's just throwing himself on the crest of that very sharp but non-threatening not traumatic pain you say now wait a minute I know you scraped your knee mommy's going to wash it off and care for it but all that crying you'd think you'd had your leg cut off now stop it see and you let them know that you know what they're doing and then you let them know and you compassionately clean it say now this is going to sting a little bit but I don't want you screaming because mommy's doing this to help you when we took our kids for shots we said we don't want you drawing back from the doctor we don't want you hollering there's going to be a little bit of sting it's not going to be a great sting

51:25 it's not going to and if you just let out a little peep fine and then the doctors would say I can't get over this your kids don't fight me and I said no they know if they did they get home they get something hurt worse than the jab they'll get a real spanking on their behind so they'd rather just take the jab and that's no occasion so we have to pray that God will give us discernment to know what is a legitimate framework of emotional response to pain or injury and then not give in to this thing that they would want the whole world to stop and bring out 17 emergency vehicles from all of the counties to you know come with the paramedics and just pray that God will give us

52:08 wisdom in dealing with that and we'll hit some a little high and some a little low but just like the grades in diving you throw out the highs and the lows and you won't hurt the kids have I made any sense in that response Dinah?

52:28 yeah yeah you'll miss it one time one time my son had broken his arm and we saw no sign I did all of the home things I knew to do to see if anything were broken pulled on the fingers and no sharp pain and all the rest and I said so we said forget it until when no one was watching we saw him favoring it and unable to lift his arm up to put his shirt on we said something's wrong three days later we took him to the doctor x-rayed it he had a green stick fracture of the upper arm well I hope he hasn't been psychologically traumatized for the rest of his life you see so we missed some but the kids will never hold that against us and that won't warp them however if we go with a consistent pattern of driving them to stop stoicism

53:12 in which no expression emotionally is proper or just letting them ride the crest if we do that with a young lady she'll be the one who's bellering and hollering from her first contraction on into the birthing room will make the whole hospital think that someone's cutting her head off and you as a mother can appreciate that you've given birth to children and it's you know all of the natural childbirth things notwithstanding and they don't like the word pain but the bible is right I will greatly multiply by pain in thy conception in pain thou shalt bring forth but what is the measure of pain is it such for women to carry on like a herd of wild banshees as some do no a woman who has control of her spirit

53:57 yes she will express those natural expressions of pain but with a spirit that is controlled especially a Christian woman who has the Holy Spirit so with each of our children some may be naturally more unwell and some may be unwell have a tendency some of them when we spank them you wonder what am I going to have to do to get them to cry others just lift up the paddle and they're hollering like they've had it for 17 minutes and so we have to learn how to teach them to control their spirits and how not to unnaturally control the spirit there's an unnatural subduing of expressions of emotion by the human spirit and in all of those cases we must ask God for wisdom well I don't want to back some of you

54:42 I ended right on time last week I'm four minutes over let's pray and ask God to help us Father how much we need the guidance and help of the Holy Spirit in these practical concerns we thank you that the word of God is not silent with respect to them may you lead us by the Holy Spirit and give us the wisdom we need first of all to deal with pockets of need in our own hearts and then implementing these principles with our children help us for Jesus' sake Amen Amen Amen You have been listening to How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children

55:25 by Pastor Albert N. Martin These cassettes are distributed by the Trinity Book Service If you would like a free listing of other audio cassettes and books please call us at 1-800-722-3584 or if you prefer you can write us at the Trinity Book Service Post Office Box 569 Montville, New Jersey 07045