Open Forum/Q&A

The point: Teach children the difference between flattery and legitimate praise.

Martin uses the example of complimenting a daughter's new dress or a single woman's new hairstyle to illustrate how to give and receive legitimate praise graciously, emphasizing the importance of having a reputation for sincerity.

For example, if someone comes up to your daughter and happens to notice that she has a new dress, as I try to do at the door, and almost invariably little kids light up when I notice, and not just the little kids, I do this with single women who don't have husbands to notice and express appreciation for their new dress or their new hairstyle. And if you've earned the reputation over many years of not being a flatterer, and a philanderer, but one whose relationship to those of the opposite sex has been above reproach, then you can discreetly express appreciation for that new dress and that new ...

10:17 - 10:58 Read in full sermon

The point: Teach children to receive legitimate praise and compliments in a gracious way, tailored to their personality.

He shares his personal verbal technique of asking 'Could it be that?' when approaching someone about a sensitive issue, comparing it to not coming as an accuser but as one seeking understanding, to avoid putting people on the defensive.

So we must work with our children and perhaps anticipate some of those more standard things with them and give them a little something to work with. For example, often when people come to me and say, well, here's a situation that I'm not naming names, but, let me give the facts of the framework and I must approach someone about an issue that I'm not quite sure demands rebuke, but if I'm silent about it, I feel I may be culpable if it leads to something that will very evidently be ungodly. How can I approach it? And my little verbal technique is to say, could it be that?

12:56 - 13:35 Read in full sermon

The point: Teach children to respect and submit to legitimate constituted authority and to express thankfulness for reproofs and rebukes.

Martin recounts a story of a parent bringing a child to him to confess screaming during the service, illustrating how parents can train children to respond to legitimate rebuke with confession and gratitude.

that if you're running around sometime and conducting yourself in a way you shouldn't in any one of the members, the older people in the church remind you of what you're doing wrong, then you should go to, to them and thank them that they have reminded you, if necessary, and as some of you parents do, frequently. I'd say probably once every other Lord's Day. I have a little kid coming to me whose parent has made him come and confess some wrong done. I didn't realize who it was a couple of weeks ago.

20:08 - 20:40 Read in full sermon

The point: Teach children to turn and walk away, or even run, from verbal abuse and foul language, and to physically block out offensive words if necessary.

He references the scene in Pilgrim's Progress where Christians in Vanity Fair stick their fingers in their ears to avoid the wares, illustrating how children can defensively retreat from foul language or verbal abuse.

If necessary, run away from that person. And there's a beautiful picture you remember in Vanity Fair, as I've indicated, my wife and I are reading through Pilgrim's Progress after a number of years not having done it together. And when they were in Vanity Fair, you remember what? What they did when people were trying to sell their wares, they stuck their fingers in their ears.

31:34 - 31:59 Read in full sermon

The point: Avoid litigation wherever possible, seeking to pacify adversaries and take the 'lowest road' of reconciliation.

Martin tells a personal story from his childhood about accidentally hitting a car windshield with a pebble, leading to his father making him work to pay for the replacement. This illustrates the principle of just compensation for carelessness and the breakdown of trust in society.

that just compensations would be made. I can remember one time sitting on the corner of the curb there in 95th Street, sitting on the corner of the curb there in 95th Street, 24 Soundview Avenue, Stamford, Connecticut. And one of those times when none of the kids were around on the block to play ball, and I was just sitting on the curb, as vivid as though it were yesterday, taking little pebbles and just throwing them up and hitting them with a stick, just finishing them. I went out to hurt anybody.

39:30 - 39:54 Read in full sermon

The point: Use opportunities of financial loss due to another's unrighteousness to bear witness to faith in Christ, showing activation by something other than worldly gain.

He shares an anecdote about his wife's car accident where the insurance company offered half the rightful compensation. Martin's insistence on full, just compensation, even threatening legal action, illustrates when a Christian must press an issue for righteousness and stewardship, rather than passively accepting injustice.

You see? And in that case, you've got other principles that enter in and you can't take, quote, the pacifist attitude. You must then press the issue. I can remember this happened with the settling of a dispute with the car that, and one time my wife had an accident.

45:40 - 45:59 Read in full sermon