Q and A / Discussion Session

The point: Get clearly established in your own hearts the doctrine of adoption.

Martin recommends a booklet by John J. Murray, 'Behind a Frowning Providence,' which emerged from Murray's personal experience of dark providence and grief, illustrating God's hidden face behind difficult circumstances.

This is not the late Professor Murray, but this is a dear man whom I have known since 1967, a godly brother, pastor in the Free Church of Scotland. And he and his family were brought through a very dark providence in terms of the death of one of their children and out of the matrix of God's dealings with this man. And his family, he preached at one of the Leicester conferences in England at which I was ministering several years ago. And the sermon he preached on the providence of God in the midst of what we would call his dark dispensations of dealings with us was so helpful that he was urged ...

1:36 - 2:59 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin leads a prayer, acknowledging God's presence and asking for the Holy Spirit's guidance. He then introduces the first question concerning the role of subjective 'peace' in…

Martin recounts a humorous story from Camp Chautek about a young woman who constantly struggled with not having 'peace' about every decision, illustrating the extreme and often irrational reliance on subjective feelings.

Her mind is going back 32 years to a place in Wisconsin called Camp Chautek where there was a young woman who all the time was talking, I don't have peace, and she lived. Was I reading your mind, dear?

14:15 - 14:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't allow a subjective 'peace-o-meter' to determine decisions in matters of indifference; learn to ignore it and do what pleases you within God's will.

Martin uses the example of buying a new car, weighing practical factors like cost, reliability, and personal preference (color), to demonstrate when subjective 'peace' should be ignored in favor of rational, responsible decision-making.

And the one who writes the question says, assuming it is not an issue of right or wrong. Let's put it in a concrete example. You're praying about purchasing a new car or a different car from the one that you now drive. Convinced that if you do not do so, you're going to be tempting God, that you're going to end up on the freeway or halfway to work in a backwoods road with the front end dropping out and with the tie rod scraping and a number of other things.

15:34 - 16:08 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't allow a subjective 'peace-o-meter' to determine decisions in matters of indifference; learn to ignore it and do what pleases you within God's will.

Martin shares a personal anecdote of his own past struggle with the 'peace-o-meter,' where he couldn't decide whether to have a glass of orange juice or milk before bed due to a lack of 'peace,' illustrating the tyranny of over-reliance on subjective feelings.

Well, do you think God's such a sadist that for $50 he wants you for the next five years every morning you come out to say, Yuck! What kind of a God would like us to do that? So if you have a, quote, lack of peace, there's no rationality to it, it's a totally subjective feeling, learn to ignore it and go ahead and buy the car that'll please you, the car you can afford. In issues like that, don't allow this subjective peace-o-meter to determine what you're going to do, because in terms of your temperament and makeup and many other factors, the devil can use that as a tremendous area of harassme...

18:18 - 19:28 Read in full sermon

The point: If a lack of peace is rooted in fear of vulnerability or revealing past trauma, pray for courage to make it known, trusting that a godly partner will love you in spite of it.

Martin provides examples of how a 'lack of peace' in romantic relationships can be a cover for deeper, unconscious fears stemming from past trauma (e.g., abusive home, sexual abuse), illustrating the need to uncover the true roots of such feelings.

And of course it gets crucial in the area of romantic relationships and I wouldn't be at all surprised if that comes out of that. And what you've got to recognize in romantic relationships this nebulous lack of peace not in any way related to God's law, God's word to facts is often the catch-all for a number of other fears. Some of the very people who think they want to get married the most if it comes right down to it they're scared to death because they came out of a home where the marriage was a terrible and tragic experience and they're really afraid of marriage. Or they may have had a ter...

27:30 - 28:58 Read in full sermon

The point: If a lack of peace is rooted in fear of vulnerability or revealing past trauma, pray for courage to make it known, trusting that a godly partner will love you in spite of it.

Martin tells the story of a young man ('Harry') who confessed his philandering past to his fiancée, and her gracious response that 'Harry I've never met... He's dead and buried in Christ's tomb,' illustrating the power of grace and forgiveness in overcoming past sins in a relationship.

I think of an incident in my pastoral experience that may encourage some of you. I'd be very surprised if what I'm saying some of you may not be sitting there right now saying oh Lord thank you. He's addressing that issue. I needed that.

30:33 - 30:45 Read in full sermon

The point: If you are praying for a husband, give God an opportunity to make a man attractive to you by at least dating him, even if there's no initial strong attraction.

Martin uses a pyramid diagram to illustrate the escalating levels of male-female relationships (occasional dating, exclusive dating, courting, engagement, marriage), with friendship as the solid granite foundation, to provide a structured framework for understanding relationship progression.

attractive to you then after you've dated him what should happen this leads me now I was hoping the question would lead it into it I did me a little diagram and the little diagram came into focus just last week in a counseling session and the young woman who came to counsel with me is here so I'm greatly indebted to her as a relatively new Christian and having never dated as a Christian she wanted to do it right she said can you give me some principles so what I did is I drew a little pyramid and I said here are the varying levels of sexual interactions of a romantic or of a sexual nature and ...

46:08 - 47:37 Read in full sermon

The point: If you discover deficiencies in a relationship during exclusive dating, don't automatically bail out; consider if God brought you together to help each other in those areas.

Martin uses the humorous example of a man unconsciously picking his ear in social situations to illustrate how a wife, as a helper, can lovingly point out quirks and bad habits that others might find off-putting, emphasizing that relationships involve helping each other grow.

And as she gets to know things about him no one else does, the way she answers to his need is, she verbally helps him to see an area of deficiency, an area of abnormality, quirks and bad habits. He just may not know that he'd been picking his right ear from the time he was three years old. And in any social situation, he's digging wax out of his right ear. No one ever...

54:45 - 55:11 Read in full sermon

The point: If radical differences in views on marriage roles emerge during courting, back down to regular dating to work through those differences rather than automatically terminating the relationship.

Martin uses the analogy of a guest asking to look in bedroom drawers on a first visit to illustrate the inappropriateness of asking deeply personal questions (like number of children desired) on a first date, emphasizing the need for gradual intimacy.

No wonder they said no the next time. On the first date. That's being boring. That's like walking into someone's house as a guest for a meal and saying, do you mind if I go in and look in your bedroom drawers?

56:36 - 56:51 Read in full sermon

The point: Engaged couples, never be found alone in one another's apartment; put yourselves in physical circumstances where fornication would be impossible due to embarrassment.

Martin shares his family's practice of having a 'dating parlor' with the door ajar and a curfew for his daughters' courting, illustrating a practical way to maintain limited, restrained, and accountable physical intimacy during engagement to avoid sin.

If you think you're so strong that you can put yourself in a physical context where fornication would be possible without embarrassment, you just may end up fornicating. Put yourself in physical circumstances where fornication would be impossible for sheer embarrassment of being physically found out. We had a dating room in our house. The way it's laid out is very nice in that you can come in the front hall and walk into the main part of the house.

60:28 - 60:57 Read in full sermon

The point: Gals with secure friendships, ask each other honestly what might be a turn-off to godly young men (e.g., talking too much about yourself).

Martin uses the example of someone who talks too much about themselves to illustrate how friends can lovingly provide honest feedback about habits that might be unattractive to potential spouses, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness.

And Robert Burns said, Would some power of the gift would give us to see ourselves as either to see us? Some of you gals who've got a secure enough friendship, you ought to ask each other. Tell me honestly, what do you see about me that from your understanding of the average godly Christian young man might be a turn-off? Well, really, you just talk too much about yourself.

69:19 - 69:41 Read in full sermon

The point: Guys, help one another if you see tendencies to dominate conversation, be self-centered, or have effeminate gestures.

Martin recounts a story of counseling a young man with effeminate gestures, illustrating the importance of loving, direct feedback to help someone correct habits that might be misunderstood or off-putting to others.

Help one another. And remember, it's hard to do that, but if we love one another, faithful of the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. I remember years ago, a young man, that he just had some very effeminate gestures. And I had the difficult task of just asking, has anyone ever pointed out to you that your gestures are not distinctively masculine?

70:10 - 70:31 Read in full sermon

The point: Men, don't neglect your external presentation; get your act together regarding clothes and appearance, as they speak loudly about you.

Martin uses the example of a man wearing seven-year-old, out-of-style suits to illustrate that while externals aren't everything, they do communicate loudly about a person and can be a turn-off, encouraging attention to appropriate presentation.

I've seen other young men, they just think that the externals are not important. What I am before God is what's important. Yeah, but long before a girl knows what you are before God, she sees that you're wearing suits that are seven years out of style. And she says to herself, I wouldn't want to be caught dead with a man like that.

71:14 - 71:30 Read in full sermon

The point: Gals, if you struggle with weight, find out your body chemistry and caloric needs, and do something about it to become more desirable, without becoming a body worshiper.

Martin uses the example of women struggling with weight due to metabolism and love for chocolates to illustrate that physical attractiveness is legitimate in romantic love and that addressing such issues (without body worship) can make one more desirable.

Have someone help you. If you don't know what it means to be dressed properly for your age and stage and station in life, help is available. You gals the same way. Some of you love your chocolates too much and you've got a metabolism that anything more than 1,200 calories a day goes into an excess abdupois and you don't know what to do.

72:27 - 72:48 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin addresses the lack of appropriate male aggressiveness in dating, contrasting 'caveman style' with 'Christian gentleman style.' He shares an anecdote of a young man's…

Martin shares a detailed, humorous, and ultimately instructive account of a young man's disastrous first date, where he immediately declared his intention to find a wife, illustrating how not to approach dating with 'caveman' aggressiveness.

But I get a letter from one of the young women in the church. Dear pastor, I want to give you an account. And how my first date went with so-and-so. Because they told me that they were going to have their first date.

76:03 - 76:12 Read in full sermon

The point: If you are struggling with unusually chronic, deep, and crippling mood swings, and spiritual principles haven't worked, seek help at another level (medical/psychiatric) and don't assume it's all spiritual.

Martin references Elijah's deep depression in 1 Kings 19, noting that God first provided physical rest and food before addressing the spiritual dimensions of his despair, illustrating the delicate interplay between physiological and spiritual factors in mental health.

And as of the reading of this article by the head psychiatrist of the Lahey Clinic there were five. They have known proven chemicals that helped in reestablishing the neurotransmission in the brain which greatly assists the problem of chronic and abnormal depression. By now they may have discovered a few more but this is a whole area that involves many, many factors and I hope if there are any of you struggling with unusually chronic deep and crippling mood swings and all of the spiritual principles you sought to apply haven't worked and the new ones you've learned this week don't work then it...

86:25 - 87:42 Read in full sermon