Pastoral Counsel Pertaining to Our Death

In this part of the sermon: Pastor Martin shares the recent deaths of his wife and mother-in-law, explaining how these events prompted him to reflect on practical issues surrounding death. He clarifies that…

Martin recounts his wife's six-year battle with cancer, the difficult decisions about treatment, and his role as caregiver, which provides the personal context and motivation for the sermon's counsel on death.

The following message was delivered on Sunday morning, December 5th, 2004, in the adult Sunday school class at Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey. Now, for the benefit of some who may hear the material that I plan to set before you in this Sunday school hour who have not been a part of the shared life of our congregation in recent months, let me sketch in just a few historical facts. My dear wife went to be with Christ on September 20th of this year, 2004, after a six-year battle with cancer. And when the cancer spread from her back and lungs to her liver in March of 2004, we had ...

0:02 - 1:26 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Pastor Martin shares the recent deaths of his wife and mother-in-law, explaining how these events prompted him to reflect on practical issues surrounding death. He clarifies that…

He mentions his 95-year-old mother-in-law's death shortly after his wife's, requiring him to settle her affairs in Florida, further contributing to his reflections on practical matters related to death.

And then, less than two weeks after Mrs. Martin's funeral, her 95-year-old mother died in a nursing home in Florida, and as the one legally responsible to settle her affairs, I had to fly down to Daytona Beach during the last week of October. Now, these two events, and all that surrounded and followed them, forced me to do much serious thinking concerning very many practical issues relative to the matter of death and the subsequent matters that flow out of death. And what I'm attempting to do in this Sunday school hour is to pass on some of the fruit of this thinking in the form of pastoral co...

1:45 - 3:10 Read in full sermon

Driving home: The only exceptions of which we are aware are Elijah, who was taken up to heaven in the whirlwind, and Enoch, who went out for a walk one day and was not, for God took him, and those, who will be alive at the second comi…

Martin quotes Peter Marshall (via Catherine Marshall's book 'To Live Again') on the 'American way of death denial,' which seeks to disguise and shun the reality of death, contrasting it with a Christian perspective.

And you and I live in a society that seeks to ignore or cosmetize the reality of death in a way that is nothing short of shameful. I'm reading at the suggestion of my dear friend, Mrs. Esalen Blaze, the book called To Live Again, written by Catherine Marshall, the wife of Peter Marshall, who was chaplain to the Senate and pastor in the Washington area, who died at the very end of the war, and who died at the very end of the war, who died at the very end of the war, and she excerpted these several paragraphs from one of his sermons in which he was speaking of his concern about the American way ...

5:36 - 6:40 Read in full sermon

The point: If you have any unfinished business with your spouse, deal with it today.

Martin shares his personal testimony of thankfulness that when his wife slipped into a coma, there was 'no unfinished business' between them, illustrating the blessing of a death-ready walk with others.

Dear people, I cannot beg you with enough pastoral earnestness, commit yourself by the grace of God to have a death-ready walk with God every single day of your life. I can testify what a blessed thing it was when my wife slipped into a coma. There was nothing concerning, which I needed to pray. Oh, God, please bring her out of that coma for five minutes.

14:37 - 15:07 Read in full sermon

The point: Commit yourself by the grace of God to have a death-ready walk with God every single day of your life.

He quotes Henry Scudder's 'The Christian's Daily Walk,' advising believers to imagine themselves on their deathbed each night and settle any issues before sleeping, as a practical way to live a death-ready life.

Any controversy with God? Hidden sins that you're not wrestling to mortify and deal with? I beg of you, take seriously the uncertainty of death and determine by the grace of God to maintain a death-ready walk with God and with men. In Henry Scudder's lovely book, The Christian's Daily Walk, he gives a word of counsel that off and on throughout my Christian experience I have found very helpful.

15:56 - 16:28 Read in full sermon

Driving home: Even a man whose heart is filled with this consummate wickedness of taking his own life had enough sense that though he would leave people with the horrible grief of a suicide in his family, he would not leave them with …

The example of Ahithophel, an evil man who set his house in order before committing suicide (2 Samuel 17:23), is used to highlight that even common sense dictates preparing for death, and God's people should do no less.

Set it in order, because you're going to die. And no self-respecting child of God wants to die having left his house in disorder through carelessness or procrastination. Even a very evil man who took his own life and committed self-murder, we read that he had sense enough to set his house in order. 2 Samuel, chapter 17.

17:37 - 18:05 Read in full sermon

The point: Look into P.O.D. (Pay on Death) accounts to simplify the task for those left behind in settling your financial affairs.

Martin describes the ease with which he settled his mother-in-law's financial affairs in Florida due to her having P.O.D. (Pay on Death) accounts and his power of attorney, illustrating the practical benefits of financial planning.

That is pay on debt accounts. When I went down to Florida to settle my mother's accounts, all I need to do was show the will to the people to the lawyer. And he said, there's a branch bank where all her accounts are right across the street. And in 45 minutes, I walked out with all of her affairs settled.

25:35 - 25:55 Read in full sermon

The point: Think through whether the Sixth Commandment demands doing everything with modern technology to keep someone breathing for as long as possible.

He explains the decision to stop his wife's chemotherapy when cancer metastasized to her liver, based on medical advice (low chance of success, high toxicity) and their prior discussions, illustrating the importance of pre-planned medical directives.

None of you asked why when the cancer metastasized to her liver that we decided to have no more chemotherapy. I'll tell you why. The doctor said it would take a very potent chemotherapy that her compromised blood system would likely not bear but one or two treatments and it only held out a 15% chance that it would be one or two more months to live. And we said no.

28:50 - 29:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Think through whether the Sixth Commandment demands doing everything with modern technology to keep someone breathing for as long as possible.

Martin shares his positive experience with St. Barnabas Medical Systems Hospice Branch, detailing how it provided comfort and allowed his wife to die at home, illustrating the benefits of hospice for end-stage care.

Does it? I'm not sure that it does. So we've got to think that thing through. And then, of course, with respect to end-time care, I can't say enough about our experience with the hospice care under the St. Barnabas Medical Systems Hospice Branch. And many people don't understand hospice. Basically, hospice care is care provided for people whom the medical community has declared terminally ill. This is why you can't be a candidate for it with your insurance or with Medicare unless a doctor is prepared to make the statement that his estimate is you have only six months to live.

30:34 - 31:20 Read in full sermon

Driving home: They don't like to use the four-letter word he died because it's a reminder that that's their end as well.

He recounts how his children and grandchildren witnessed his wife's dying process, arguing that this exposure, though difficult, provides invaluable biblical reality in a society that 'cosmetizes' death.

And we desired to care for her as an expression of our love, the we being me, my daughter Heidi, my sister Joyce, that I felt so strongly that with her selfless ministry to me for all the years of our marriage, that I wanted with all my heart to pay back in some little way by granting that end-time care. And so it was our privilege to do that. It gave an opportunity for children and grandchildren to see the process of dying, and not be insulated from it. I'm 70 years old, and I never saw that end-time process.

33:15 - 33:58 Read in full sermon

The point: Discuss what funeral home you're going to use and the fundamental arrangements you want for your funeral, including considering church facilities over funeral homes.

Martin advocates for memorial gifts to ministries (like Bibles to China or hospice care for the uninsured) instead of expensive flowers, using his wife's funeral as an example where $4500 was given to worthy causes.

Secure your grave plots. Discuss what funeral home you're going to use and the fundamental arrangements that you want for your funeral. I think many of you have come to the persuasion and it sort of turned the corner with the funeral of Gordon Daughtry and then Paul Bischoff and then I believe was further sealed with my wife of using the church facilities rather than crowding into a little room that you're not familiar with at a funeral home for the various facets of the funeral arrangements but discuss that with your loved ones and may I put in a little plea again an American practice that so...

36:55 - 38:10 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't ignore the inscription on your grave plaque or memorial stone; think about it as a potential witness for decades or centuries to come.

He describes the meticulous process of choosing and crafting the inscription for his wife's gravestone, viewing it as a potential witness for hundreds of years, illustrating the desire for a lasting Christ-magnifying testimony even after death.

So I would urge you seriously to think through and talk through in some detail provisions and directives for post-death issues and then don't ignore if you're going to have a plaque over your grave plot or a memorial stone think when I go over to that cemetery where my loved one is laid I see gravestones that go back to the 1700s and when I began to think about the fact that the Lord delays his coming what's etched on that stone over my wife's grave could be a witness for two to three hundred years. I said Lord I want to make it right and so my daughter and I we had many exchanges over what we...

39:38 - 41:07 Read in full sermon

The point: Approach decisions about burial and memorialization not by being swept along by American customs, but by determining that Christ will be magnified in your death and everything pertaining to it.

Martin shares his daughter Heidi's wise counsel against a double headstone for him and his wife, suggesting it might be unfair to a future wife, illustrating the need for thoughtful consideration in practical decisions.

can be etched in later and we were wrestling with should we get a double stone and Heidi said daddy I don't think we should I said why sweetheart she said well if in the future God should give you another wife would that be fair that every time she visited mom's grave with you she'd have to see you still attached to mom I don't think that would be fair to her I looked at her with tears and I said you're your mother's daughter always thinking about the other person so I took her counsel and so we decided to get a single headstone and then my headstone will be one the same size and sit next to i...

45:32 - 47:02 Read in full sermon