During the Session, Part 3

The point: Ensure that pastoral counseling is conducted according to biblical rules, not just with good intentions.

Martin uses the analogies of a soldier, athlete, and farmer from 2 Timothy 2:5-6 to illustrate that ministry, like these roles, must be conducted according to specific rules and principles to be crowned with success.

now as you know brethren in our efforts to lay hold of a working biblical framework and pattern for pastoral counseling i've sought to give you a broad overview of this subject to focus then upon the presuppositional framework for pastoral counseling that is worthy of that name and then for some weeks we've been working through specific guidelines for pastoral counseling under four major subdivisions before the session or sessions during the session assessing progress and last week dismissal and today we come to consider together what i am calling the ethics of pastoral counseling and as we ap...

0:03 - 1:23 Read in full sermon

The point: Disclose as much information as is necessary to fulfill your obligations to your fellow elders, understanding that counseling with one shepherd is generally understood as speaking to all elders.

The elders are compared to a team of doctors sharing a common file, illustrating that information shared with one elder is generally understood to be available to the entire eldership for the collective care of the flock.

If God has blessed you with a fellow elder or several fellow elders, He has given you as a body of elders the task of shepherding the flock of God, of taking heed to those under your care. And you are like a team of doctors sharing a common file except in matters where righteousness demands individual confidentiality. And your people should understand that, as one of the sheep in the flock, to be engaged with one of the shepherds in the flock about specific concerns, it is understood that that becomes the deposit of the knowledge of the entire eldership. Otherwise, how can you as a body of eld...

9:24 - 10:47 Read in full sermon

The point: Disclose as much information as is necessary to fulfill your obligations to your fellow elders, understanding that counseling with one shepherd is generally understood as speaking to all elders.

A doctor in a medical group acting as if he had a private practice is used to illustrate unethical behavior, reinforcing why elders must share information to fulfill their corporate shepherding role.

If God has blessed you with a fellow elder or several fellow elders, He has given you as a body of elders the task of shepherding the flock of God, of taking heed to those under your care. And you are like a team of doctors sharing a common file except in matters where righteousness demands individual confidentiality. And your people should understand that, as one of the sheep in the flock, to be engaged with one of the shepherds in the flock about specific concerns, it is understood that that becomes the deposit of the knowledge of the entire eldership. Otherwise, how can you as a body of eld...

9:24 - 10:47 Read in full sermon

The point: Be sensitive to your wife's previous track record in keeping confidences, her general emotional strength, and her hormonal cycles when deciding what to disclose.

Martin shares a standing joke among the elders about their wives going through menopause, illustrating the need for sensitivity to a wife's hormonal cycles and emotional strength when considering disclosures.

See what those patterns are in relationship to her own hormonal cycles. And when she enters into that period of life when the moon doesn't come up every 28 days, she may go freaky bananas during the change. She may enter into the menopause, the menopause like a duck to water. We've had a standing joke among our elders just working through this as our wives have come through that stage where it has ceased to be with them after the manner of women.

21:05 - 21:33 Read in full sermon

The point: Be sensitive to your wife's previous track record in keeping confidences, her general emotional strength, and her hormonal cycles when deciding what to disclose.

Martin describes his wife as being "as tight-lipped as a corpse" to illustrate her proven ability to keep confidences, emphasizing the importance of this trait for a pastor's wife.

It's just not one of her strengths to keep her mouth shut. I've been able to say of my wife, when I give her information, she is as tight-lipped as a corpse. Now you can't get much more tight-lipped than that. So in the light of that, I never fear that anything's going to leak out.

21:57 - 22:16 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not disclose information to your wife that, if leaked, would destroy your credibility and trust, especially if she has not proven faithful in keeping confidences.

The imagery of a broken tooth and a foot out of joint from Proverbs 25:19 is used to graphically illustrate the unreliability and pain caused by placing confidence in an unfaithful person, applied to a wife who cannot keep secrets.

We've quoted them in other passages. Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth and a foot out of joint. You've got that nice stake in front of you. You go to bite down on it, and it breaks off halfway across.

22:27 - 22:40 Read in full sermon

The point: Be honest with people about your normal pattern of sharing broad strokes of counseling concerns with your wife, seeking their permission beforehand.

Martin marvels at his wife's ability to "play dumb" when greeting people who have caused grief, illustrating a valuable trait for a pastor's wife in maintaining relationships despite knowing sensitive information.

You may never wear it down. So you need real caution. And then another thing in being sensitive, her proven ability to play dumb. I marvel at my wife's ability to play dumb.

23:48 - 24:00 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Dress and appearance are presented as ethically significant, reflecting dignity, gravity, and thoughtful preparation for the counseling session, with examples from Scripture and…

Martin uses the example of a lecturer with untied shoes and an open fly to illustrate how personal appearance communicates disrespect and a lack of seriousness to the audience.

And I have been bold enough to make the assertion that dress and appearance are not ethically neutral matters. They say something about ourselves and our attitude to others. Now, you know this from general revelation. Now, I don't know why I came in here to lecture to you like this.

31:08 - 31:26 Read in full sermon

The point: Ensure your dress and appearance make a proper statement about yourself and your attitude to those you are ministering to, reflecting the dignity and gravity of your office.

The analogy of a mechanic dressed in a three-piece suit or a businessman in work clothes is used to illustrate that one's dress should fit the dignity and gravity of their office and the context of their work.

And your dress and your appearance should be marked by that which speaks of the dignity of your office. What happens if you go to a mechanic in a garage to fix your car and he's out in the workshop dressed in a three-piece business suit? You want to know what happens when you send him to work on your car? I don't.

33:35 - 34:00 Read in full sermon

The point: Maintain positive, principled control of your spirit and emotions in counseling, showing empathy (rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep) without being neutered or unrestrained.

Martin recounts a story of a psychiatrist opening his mail during a counseling session, illustrating how physical actions can convey indifference and destroy trust, even if nothing is said.

Let's get over this. So if you've got a bad habit one of our dear sheep who needed we felt needed perhaps the help of a professional psychiatrist needed not psychotherapy but medication second visit they said I'll never go back again paying this guy I forgot how much for an hour or half an hour and toward the last five minutes of the session he sits there opening his mail while they're spilling their guts and they told me Pastor Martin I'll never go again I said I don't blame you I'll never recommend him again. Now he may have been critical but he never made any explanation. What he was saying...

38:28 - 39:13 Read in full sermon

The point: Maintain positive, principled control of your spirit and emotions in counseling, showing empathy (rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep) without being neutered or unrestrained.

Martin shares an incident where a man admitted to masturbating in the bathroom after sexual intimacy with his wife to demean her, illustrating a situation where righteous anger is an appropriate emotional response for a counselor.

but here in Mark 3 and verse 5 and I cite this simply because and it may be that in seeking to correct an error I'm fostering an equal and opposite area I pray God I'm not but here we read of our blessed Lord and when he had looked round about on them with anger being grieved at the hardening of their heart he said stretch forth thy hand Mark describes the visible demonstrable indications of our Lord's passion of anger before he describes his actions or his words when he had looked round about on them with anger and as Warfield points out in his classic essay on the emotional life of our Lord ...

41:28 - 42:56 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't be discouraged or fearful about making mistakes in counseling; be honest with your people about blunders, and they will love you more for your honesty and see your progress.

The analogy of a young doctor taking a scalpel for the first time is used to encourage young pastors not to be discouraged by their lack of experience in counseling, as skill develops over time.

when the young doctor who's got his MD comes a time when he's got to take the scalpel and cut and watch the blood spurt and I'm sure the first few times there are all kinds of reservations but after a while the hand becomes skilled in wielding that scalpel so I would say I would encourage you don't be discouraged don't be fearful you'll make mistakes and blunders and when you come back to your people and tell them look I blundered in that I now see they'll just love you the more for your honesty and they'll see your progress and they'll thank God for it

53:16 - 53:50 Read in full sermon