61a) Specific Guidelines for Funerals

The point: Go to the sorrowing ones as quickly as possible after the word reaches him and minister to them all that his human abilities and divine enablings will permit.

Martin quotes an older minister's manual to underscore the urgent and profound need people have for their pastor in times of bereavement and death, emphasizing the unique access to hearts this sorrow provides.

All right, brethren, let's pick up where we left off at the last hour, moving to the second major category of those services that are precipitated by cultural opportunities. Having addressed ourselves to the matter of weddings, we come now to the matter of funerals. And before we take up the material that is outlined in your printed sheets, there was a statement in one of the older minister's manuals that I wanted to read to you. No demand upon a pastor is as urgent as the call of sorrow in the hour of bereavement and death.

0:03 - 0:42 Read in full sermon

The point: Consult with the loved ones directly responsible for the arrangements in case of true believers and members of the church.

Martin recounts being asked by a neighbor to conduct her husband's funeral, using this as an example of needing to assert clear boundaries regarding eulogies and prayers for the deceased when ministering to unbelievers.

in giving practical counsel concerning these arrangements and then secondly the plan of God is to be a responsible man in the planning of the funeral service you ought to consult with the loved ones directly responsible for the arrangements in case of true believers and members of the church this though a time of heaviness becomes a ministry that you are able to perform with joy and with gratitude in the case of unbelievers and strangers where you may be asked to take a funeral service you may have to be more assertive and not agree to take a funeral service until some issues are clearly under...

5:14 - 6:40 Read in full sermon

The point: Visit the funeral home before the actual funeral service during the visiting hours to minister to loved ones and check practical details with the funeral director.

Martin uses the phrase 'all thumbs and six fingers' to describe the awkwardness and unpreparedness a pastor might feel if they don't visit the funeral home beforehand to check practical details like lectern size and placement.

or an occasion of shame to them so talk the issue through and then generally it's wise to visit the funeral home before the actual funeral service during the visiting hours the day or two before and this for several reasons it gives you an opportunity to minister to the loved ones in that setting you're able to meet the funeral director check with him on details they don't expect some of the funeral homes that a man's going to preach and they'll have a thing that's hardly big enough to hold your Bible let alone your Bible and your notes will you talk to the funeral director say that I will be ...

6:40 - 8:08 Read in full sermon

The point: Be very, very careful about playing God in stating openly with certainty your confidence of the destiny of a specific individual.

Martin quotes J.C. Ryle, stating 'there is one deathbed conversion that none may despair, only one that none may presume,' to caution against playing God by making definitive statements about an individual's eternal destiny.

about playing God in stating openly with certainty your confidence of the destiny of a specific individual to state with absolute certainty to the living if you die without Jesus Christ you will face the judgment of God that's one thing to say and this person now knows the terrors of the damned we better be very careful we do not know what God may do in any situation in the last moments of life there is as Ryle said one deathbed conversion there is one that none may despair only one that none may presume and even though we may have solid grounds to believe this person lived and died outside of...

14:01 - 15:31 Read in full sermon

The point: Conduct the service with composure, dignity, earnestness, and sensitivity, speaking directly to people's eyes and moderating your voice.

Martin uses the term 'mummified' to describe a pastor who mumbles through a clerical ritual without direct engagement, contrasting it with the desired composure, dignity, earnestness, and sensitivity.

generally be a small chapel love does not behave itself unseemly the words that should characterize your manner of conducting the funeral are these composure dignity earnestness sensitivity composure dignity earnestness sensitivity and then after the service you will generally be expected to go to the graveside and conduct what we call the committal service and this brethren is often the most difficult time for loved ones it's one thing to see the cosmetized corpse in the funeral parlor but when the lid is closed and that coffin is poised ready to be dropped in the earth and they see the piled...

17:00 - 18:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Conduct the service with composure, dignity, earnestness, and sensitivity, speaking directly to people's eyes and moderating your voice.

Martin describes the graveside committal as often the most difficult time for loved ones, as the sight of the closed coffin and piled earth brings the 'awful reality of death' home with unusual intensity, contrasting it with the cosmetized corpse in the funeral parlor.

generally be a small chapel love does not behave itself unseemly the words that should characterize your manner of conducting the funeral are these composure dignity earnestness sensitivity composure dignity earnestness sensitivity and then after the service you will generally be expected to go to the graveside and conduct what we call the committal service and this brethren is often the most difficult time for loved ones it's one thing to see the cosmetized corpse in the funeral parlor but when the lid is closed and that coffin is poised ready to be dropped in the earth and they see the piled...

17:00 - 18:29 Read in full sermon

The point: After the committal service, stand with the loved ones and gently lead them away from the grave site.

Martin explains that the loved one's tie to earthly remains is 'not idolatrous, it's natural, and grace does not war with nature only with sin,' to explain why loved ones struggle to leave the graveside and why pastors need to gently lead them away.

which generally will just be a matter of five ten minutes at the most to go and stand with the loved ones and you may have to actually help lead them away back to their own cars there's that sense again when I walk away and come back here the next time the earth will have enveloped my loved one and that tie to the earthly remains is not idolatrous it's it's natural and grace does not war with nature only with sin and you need sometimes to be the one who will gently put your arm around that grieving loved one and and tactfully lead them away from that grave site then I've mentioned attending th...

18:29 - 19:58 Read in full sermon

The point: Seize culturally precipitated opportunities at funerals and weddings for the good of souls and for the glory of God and the advancement of His kingdom.

Martin illustrates how God can use a past sermon on death, heaven, and hell, even if initially ignored, to bring remembrance and inquiry when someone later faces a terminal diagnosis, showing the long-term impact of gospel sowing.

of a minister's manual he talked to us eyeball to eyeball at that wedding he talked like he really believed God created male and female and God instituted marriage and God has something to say about husbands and wives and at that funeral he talked about death in a way that didn't just wipe over the ugly reality but he spoke about death with a certainty that we can be confident as we face our death it may be you see when they heard you life was just one big ball to them couldn't think a serious thought about death but now they've just discovered that they've got terminal cancer and the spirit o...

21:27 - 22:53 Read in full sermon