Specific Guidelines for Weddings

The point: Encourage couples to manifest fiscal responsibility in their wedding plans, considering the financial burden on friends and family.

An example of a bride coming out a side door and groom down the aisle to symbolize Christ's centrality, which, while theologically sound, would be so shocking it would distract from the Christian distinctives being communicated.

And therefore, they cannot think simply of their own interests and their own particular likes and dislikes aesthetically and, we might say, culturally, but they must be sensitive as well to the church's testimony and to your testimony as a man of God. Now, if these things are present and consciously pressuring the minds of the prospective bride and groom, there will be a desire both to bend to traditional expectations on the one hand, while infusing distinctively Christian and personal convictions and tastes on the other hand. And this is the golden mean that you must seek to establish with th...

5:49 - 7:09 Read in full sermon

The point: Encourage couples to manifest fiscal responsibility in their wedding plans, considering the financial burden on friends and family.

Martin recounts times when special friends questioned their friendship due to the intolerable financial burden of purchasing expensive, pre-selected gowns or attire, illustrating the need for fiscal responsibility in wedding planning.

Furthermore, you ought to encourage them to manifest fiscal responsibility in their wedding plans. A fiscal responsibility with reference to themselves and also to the people whom they regard as special friends and that they are going to include in the wedding. Now, many a time I've had some of those special friends come to me questioning the level of the friendship because they were told I'd like you to be one of my groomsmen, I'd like you to be one of my bridesmaids, and by the way, we have chosen such and such a gown. It can be purchased at such and such a place and the person goes and find...

8:13 - 9:40 Read in full sermon

The point: Work out a detailed outline of the ceremony so that nothing is left to be decided at the rehearsal.

An anecdote about 'Auntie Jane' and other 'experts' interjecting suggestions at the rehearsal, highlighting the importance of having all details decided beforehand to avoid confusion and maintain control.

work out a detailed outline of the ceremony so that nothing is left to be decided at the rehearsal. Now, will you listen to the voice of experience? Leave nothing to be decided at the rehearsal because Auntie Jane will be there who just knows that a wedding would not be a wedding without this and she's going to be very prepared to put in her two cents as to why this element ought to be there. And then someone else who's an expert will tell you why this must be there and you will have a horrible, horrible cacophony of voices thundering in your ears unless you can come to the wedding rehearsal a...

9:41 - 10:51 Read in full sermon

The point: Discuss with the couple what is planned in the area of photography and videotaping, setting boundaries to prevent visual distractions during the service.

Martin shares a recent experience where a videographer with a large camcorder and tripod moved disruptively during the vows and sermon, illustrating the need to discuss and set boundaries for photography/videography beforehand.

Now I've married probably somewhere close to a hundred couples over the years or maybe even more. And I had a new one just a couple of months ago that this is an additional point. Dave will tell you when he sat in this course three years ago this point was not there. So this is something that I learned the hard way two or three weddings ago I couldn't believe it.

17:53 - 18:15 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: This section focuses on crafting meaningful prayers and sermons. Prayers should include praise for marriage, thanksgiving for providence, and entreaty for grace, tailored to the…

Martin shares his personal experience of discovering remaining corruption in his own heart after marriage, illustrating how marriage brings out hidden sin and the need for grace for adjustment.

So much talk about adjustment in marriage. The bottom line is two imperfectly sanctified sinners are thrown thrown into the most intimate of relationships which not only has the greatest potential for fulfillment but also the greatest potential for drawing out remaining corruption in areas where you didn't even know it was existing. I shall never forget the discovery of my heart that came after I got married. I'd been a Christian for one, two, three, four five years four years and I can remember time after time saying Lord where'd that come from?

24:43 - 25:24 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: This section focuses on crafting meaningful prayers and sermons. Prayers should include praise for marriage, thanksgiving for providence, and entreaty for grace, tailored to the…

The prevalence of in-law jokes is used as an example of the common difficulty in adjusting to the 'leave father and mother' aspect of marriage, underscoring the need for prayer for grace in this area.

Now I never heard a voice but as you cogitate and you reason within yourself as the psalmist did the answer was it's been there all the while undiscovered and it has taken the pressure of marriage to bring up out of the subterranean depths of the soul the horrible corruption that still lies within the soul. And so recognizing that entreat God that they will make a good adjustment to their new relationship entreat God that they will be able to make a smooth adjustment to their relationship to the in-laws. Why are there so many in-law jokes? Because God has placed the in-law question right at th...

25:24 - 26:36 Read in full sermon

The point: Make sure some clear statement is made as to the divine origin of marriage, its divine order for distinct roles, its permanence, and the gospel as the only hope for an effective marriage.

Martin recounts finding a modern textbook in the library that casually attacked the biblical concept of marriage and the nuclear family, illustrating the cultural climate that necessitates preaching on the divine origin of marriage.

Most people regard it as an accident or an experiment along the evolutionary timeline. And it's time we outgrew it. I went to the library for the first time in a long time, our local library the other day, and just picked up a book that is considered to be a modern textbook. Used apparently in schools and colleges on social institutions and I turned to the section on marriage and it was appalling to see the what shall I say almost laid back casual dogmatism with which they were attacking the concept of marriage as set forth in the word of God.

37:03 - 37:47 Read in full sermon

The point: Preach a clear gospel note at weddings, recognizing the evangelistic opportunity with unconverted attendees.

Martin describes a wedding he officiated involving a converted Jew, a woman of German background, and two pastors (one black, one white), using this dramatic scenario to illustrate the powerful opportunity to preach the gospel's ability to break down barriers (Ephesians 2:12).

How can we look out on faces that we know are the faces of unconverted people be standing as a herald of God in the marvelous context of marriage which is one of the predominant pictures of what true and saving religion is, the relationship of Christ to his church with two imperfectly sanctified sinners for whom marriage as an institution can have a lot of value. Hope and joyful expectation only because of the power of the gospel and you may not have the kind of dramatic opportunities that you have in some situations but nonetheless they are real. When I say dramatic, I think of the one that i...

41:21 - 42:40 Read in full sermon

The point: When the whole wedding party is present at the rehearsal, gather them together and try to set a tone of goodwill.

Martin shares his personal struggle with irritation when multiple weddings in a row consume his time for study, illustrating the need for pastors to fight this temptation with love and remember their calling to serve the flock.

But you must wear them. And lest you become weary or irritated in having to wear all those hats, that's my temptation. When I've had, like we had in September, for four straight Saturdays we had weddings. I had to take part in three of them.

46:00 - 46:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Urge the wedding party to plan everything the day of the wedding as though it were going to start a half-hour earlier than scheduled.

An anecdote about a broken shoestring or suspender causing a delay, illustrating the wisdom of planning the wedding to start a half-hour earlier than scheduled to account for unforeseen minor issues.

Every minute that a wedding is delayed in starting seems like five minutes for the people sitting there. So urge upon the people as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. If the wedding is scheduled for 12, have them plan the entire morning as though it was going to start at 1130. That way, if there's a broken shoestring, or we had one guy who was funny two weddings ago,

55:11 - 55:36 Read in full sermon

The point: Urge the wedding party to plan everything the day of the wedding as though it were going to start a half-hour earlier than scheduled.

Martin recounts a situation where a wedding was delayed 20 minutes because a photographer insisted on outdoor pictures, illustrating the need to assert control over photographers and prioritize the wedding schedule.

And little things like that. Well, all you need is four or five of those things and the wedding can be set back 15, 20 minutes and urge them that whatever they're planning to do with the photographer to let the photographer know that he's not boss of the wedding. We had a situation recently where the wedding party was 20 minutes away. 20 minutes late, primarily because of the dumb photographer who was determined to have his outdoor pictures to satisfy his own sense of aesthetics.

55:58 - 56:26 Read in full sermon

The point: Announce at the outset that this is a service of joy and worship, and respectfully request no photographs or conversation during the service.

An analogy to how oratorio singers hold their binders (out and up) to project their voices, applied to how a pastor should hold notes or a Bible to maintain eye contact and project his voice during the service.

And if you're holding anything, hold it like a singer does. You've ever noticed in an oratorio when the singers hold their loose leaf binder? They never hold it down here with constricted lungs and head down. But it's always out here.

60:58 - 61:12 Read in full sermon

The point: Attend at least two rehearsals and two weddings while in the academy to learn practical application of these guidelines.

Martin recalls a student, Mike, learning pastoral theology by observing Martin's patience in a potentially volatile wedding situation, illustrating the value of attending rehearsals and weddings for practical learning.

And that will teach you more about how these things work out in the particulars. I remember, I think it was Mike at a wedding, back a couple of weddings ago, said he got a lot of pastoral theology watching me being patient and trying to keep attention from a potentially volatile situation. I forget the particulars, but we would urge you while you're here. And you say, well, would I be welcome?

65:47 - 66:11 Read in full sermon