Specific Guidelines for Funerals

Driving home: No demand upon a pastor is as urgent as the call of sorrow in the hour of bereavement and death. Never do his people need him as greatly or lean upon him so heavily.

Martin quotes a minister's manual to emphasize the urgency of a pastor's call in bereavement and how deeply people lean on him in sorrow.

All right, brethren, in this hour, as I've indicated, we'll take up the subject of conducting funerals. And let me say, by way of introduction, both with reference to the matter of conducting weddings and funerals, there will often be a revelation of the level of your true pastoral intimacy with your people. So, it's in these times that you will have a readout as to whether or not your relationship is mechanical and professional, or whether it is truly pastoral, dynamic, and intimate. Where, of course, is this perhaps more true than with reference to the whole subject of conducting funerals? I...

0:04 - 1:18 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't be overly concerned with saying the right words; your presence, physical touch, and tears will probably be your most eloquent pronouncement.

The example of Jesus weeping at Lazarus's gravesite (John 11:35-36) illustrates that a pastor's presence, touch, and tears are often more eloquent than words in comforting the bereaved.

Love of the brethren, tenderly affectioned one to another. And as I've often reminded you, there is no generic duty of the ordinary Christian that is not the duty of the Christian minister. He has additional duties, but he has no negation of generic Christian duties. And as a friend of those who are bereaved, who have lost a loved one, who have lost a loved one, you and I are to take seriously the mandate in love of the brethren, be tenderly affectioned one to another. And verse 15, rejoice with them that rejoice, weep with them that weep. It's interesting, in John 11 and verse 3, when they sa...

3:14 - 4:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Visit the funeral home to get a feel for how loved ones are responding, meet the funeral director, check details, and make it plain that you don't want any icons present.

Martin references an article by Anil Khyper suggesting a radical alteration to the usual funeral pattern, such as interment first followed by a joyous church service, to challenge traditional assumptions.

And I'd like you to take this, read it, file it away, and it offers some challenging perspectives on perhaps radically altering the ordinary pattern. This man suggests and even gives the account of what a blessing it has been, to have the interment first, and then have a service of joyous celebration in the church afterward. And it gives some very, I think, interesting rationale for turning the funeral around, hence the title of his article. It's generally wise to visit the funeral home during the period, at least during one of the periods, when we have this practice, whether we like it or not...

11:43 - 12:42 Read in full sermon

The point: Seek to gain as accurate an assessment as possible relative to the anticipated congregation (religious background, expectations) and prayerfully select an appropriate text or subject.

Martin recounts preaching at Jake's funeral, where Jake's glowing joy about seeing his Savior for the first time was shared. This illustrates how to speak with confidence about a believer's destination, even if it offends those with a false humility.

But Jesus is sounta through this passage, however! I came toτάin earth, and under his sweet passion I am ridden with many of his commandments, such as the früher modulisita, and his purebred jury. Some of them refused to come to the gathering at Gene's home afterward because they said that man stood up there and attacked our church. Well, I didn't attack anything.

16:05 - 16:38 Read in full sermon

The point: Include a proportionate amount of instruction, comfort, exhortation, and warning in your sermon.

Martin uses the analogy of people accepting death like measles to highlight their lack of understanding about its origin and purpose, underscoring the need for biblical instruction on death.

Under instruction, don't be reluctant to come at such questions as what precisely is death? Why is it an inevitable part of life? Many people don't know. They've just come to accept death like they accept measles.

18:32 - 18:48 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't be reluctant to come directly at such issues as what is death, to what does it lead, and how can we face it with confidence.

Martin contrasts discussing death on a plane (morbid) with discussing it in a funeral parlor (natural and appropriate) to emphasize that a funeral is the ideal setting to address ultimate questions about death.

Introduce death sitting next to someone on a plane and they may think you're morbid. But I mean in a funeral parlor. We're the corpse. They're there.

19:12 - 19:21 Read in full sermon

The point: Let it be evident from the outset that you are not mumbling through a clerical ritual; stand erect, speak directly, and moderate your voice to the circumstances of grief.

Martin uses the analogy of speaking at the L.A. Coliseum without amplification to illustrate how unseemly it is for a pastor to speak loudly and without moderation in a small, grief-stricken funeral chapel.

1 Corinthians 13, Love does not behave itself unseemly. And it's unseemly for a man to come into a funeral parlor and speak as though he were talking, at the L.A. Coliseum, without any amplification system.

25:54 - 26:10 Read in full sermon

The point: Pray for grace to have composure; you cannot edify if you are not in control of yourself. Don't be afraid to weep with those who weep.

Martin shares his personal experience that weeping before a service helps him maintain composure during the service, illustrating that expressing grief can prevent emotional damming up and allow for edification.

As your heart becomes entwined with the hearts of your people, there are times when a baptism of grief will come over you just before, sometimes during the conducting of the service. You must pray for grace to have composure, you cannot edify if you are not in control of yourself. The way God has put me together, I find that if I can have the outlet of a wholesome weeping before a service, and there isn't this damned up emotional pressure, then seldom do I have any problem with composure during the service. So don't be afraid to weep with those who weep.

27:03 - 27:45 Read in full sermon

The point: Conduct the committal service with composure, dignity, and earnestness, but tempered with sensitivity to the climate and ethos of a funeral.

Martin critiques the practice of cosmetically altering the dead to look alive, arguing that it obscures the awful finality of death, which becomes starkly real at the graveside.

of cosmetic fixing up of the dead. They make them look so living

29:03 - 29:07 Read in full sermon

The point: Don't be reluctant to manifest joy at the graveside if the climate and Spirit of God make room for it, as it can be a powerful witness.

Martin recounts the graveside service for Rich Denzel's father, where the Spirit of God brought joy and hope of resurrection through tears, illustrating that the climate at a gravesite should not be stereotyped and joy can be manifested.

room for you to be there. Don't be reluctant if the climate is such and the Spirit of God makes consolations of the gospel. Don't be reluctant to manifest joy. I can never forget the gravesite of our dear brother Rich Denzel's father. And as we were standing by that hole in the ground and by his casket, and I was reading from 1 Thessalonians chapter four, the dead in Christ shall rise first. The Spirit of God came down on us at the gravesite, and those were the gravesites words just burst into life. And it was as though we saw the grave being reopened at the resurrection, and joy shone on the ...

31:28 - 32:25 Read in full sermon