Before the Session, Part 1

The point: Start with a framework for counseling and then customize it with passing time and experience.

The guidelines for pastoral counseling are compared to homiletics: a preacher needs a basic model to start, which he then customizes, just as a counselor needs guidelines to begin and adapt over time.

Thank you. All the while recognizing that the principles are only guidelines and not rules with divine authority behind them. There's a real parallel between this and homiletics. A man who starts out trying to find his own particular niche as a preacher without attaching himself to some basic model or framework of sermonizing will most likely never get very far in becoming, in the truest sense of the word, an effective preacher.

1:17 - 1:46 Read in full sermon

The point: Constantly expose yourself to other preachers, not to criticize, but to learn and be blessed, enhancing your own ministry.

Martin shares his practice of exposing himself to other preachers, not for criticism, but to learn and enhance his own ministry, applying this principle to continuous growth in counseling.

And as I often say in pastor's conferences, and I say to you men, I don't understand the preacher that doesn't constantly expose himself to other preachers. Not with a view to criticizing those preachers. But to being blessed and helped in his own soul and learning from them. What are they doing well that I'm not doing so well?

3:05 - 3:24 Read in full sermon

The point: Establish in your heart before God that no one has an unqualified right of access to your time for pastoral counseling; you are a steward of your time and gifts.

The term 'case' is used for a counseling situation, drawing an analogy to the medical profession to structure the discussion.

The actual endeavor of pastoral counseling. And the first section, as you see in your notes, is before the session or sessions. And large letter A is accepting the case. We're using the medical model, and so I've used the term case.

5:16 - 5:35 Read in full sermon

The point: Get enough information to make an intelligent decision about whether to set up a counseling session.

Martin describes knowing certain church members so well that their request for counseling is immediately honored without questioning, likening them to sheep who only bleat when there's a legitimate need.

Now in some cases, for example, there are people in this church that I know them so well and their reputation for never asking for 30 seconds of time unless there is a valid reason, it would be insulting for me to ask them for 30 seconds of time. For me, if they call me or see me on a Lord's Day or Wednesday and say, Pastor, I need to get together with you, could we have a time for some pastoral counseling, it would be insulting to the nature of our relationship for me to even ask them why. I don't even ask them why. Because the nature of the pastor-sheep interaction is such that knowing that ...

8:05 - 8:49 Read in full sermon

The point: Assess if accepting a case will encourage an unwholesome, idolatrous dependence upon you as the pastor.

He warns against pastors encouraging idolatrous dependence from counselees, especially if the pastor has unmet psychological needs for self-affirmation, leading to 'kinky psychological needs' being met.

There are some dear sheep that without realizing will make an idol of you. You must not encourage that idolatry. And if you have some unmet psychological needs to have people nursing at your breast, you'll be particularly vulnerable in this area. I've seen men in the ministry that were peculiarly vulnerable.

12:45 - 13:02 Read in full sermon

The point: Assess if the counselee manifests a willingness to deal honestly with their problem, considering their previous patterns of receiving correction.

Martin challenges listeners to ask Pastor Dixon, who worked with him for 30 years, about his willingness to receive admonition, demonstrating his commitment to being a 'wise man' who welcomes reproof.

your people, you will, under God, have discernment. Not infallible, but nonetheless real discernment. If that's not possible, and if that's not a necessity, then I don't know how to make sense of these texts. You men, prove yourself in your interaction to be wise or scoffers, in terms of how you receive the admonition of your brethren. I prove myself to be a wise or a scoffer, as I interact with my fellow elders and my office bearers, and my people. May I give you an example? I challenge any of you to go to Pastor, ex-Pastor Dixon, with whom I worked for 30 years. And I mean this. This is a si...

20:23 - 21:10 Read in full sermon

Driving home: The wise and the fool is a moral and ethical category. Not an intellectual category. Not a gray matter category.

A deacon recounts how his wife challenged Martin on a sermon point, and Martin's humble, clarifying response earned the deacon's confidence, illustrating how small interactions build trust and demonstrate wisdom.

And how are you going to make that assessment in your dealings with others if you yourself are not a model of it? I had a deacon come to me Wednesday night. He said, Pastor, I want to tell you an incident that happened Sunday. I said, what's that? He said, my wife was a few feet in front of me as she went through the door. And I saw her talking to you quite earnestly, and I was watching your response. So when we got home or on the way home, I said to my wife, so-and-so, you must have been commending Pastor for the message. She said, oh. I said, well, the way he was responding to you, it looked...

23:48 - 24:44 Read in full sermon

The point: If pastors experience spiritual dryness, first assess if they have structured time off and a regular exercise program, as these physical and emotional factors often underlie spiritual struggles.

A person agitated to the point of fitful sleep, emotionally strung out like violin strings about to snap, is used to illustrate when medical intervention (sedatives) is necessary before spiritual counseling.

Here we have the mandate. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish and wine to the bitter in soul. Let him drink and forget his poverty and let him remember his misery no more. There's a place for the sedative. There is a place for the pill to quiet down the person who is agitated to the point where they're only getting an hour or two of fitful sleep. They are emotionally strung out. Their whole emotional structure is like violin strings wound up to the point where they're all about to snap and for you to try to probe the conscience and the rest is to brutalize them. The best thing y...

29:19 - 30:34 Read in full sermon

The point: If pastors experience spiritual dryness, first assess if they have structured time off and a regular exercise program, as these physical and emotional factors often underlie spiritual struggles.

Martin recounts dealing with a sheep under such emotional trauma that they had perpetual diarrhea and weight loss, emphasizing that the first concern was to address the physical syndrome before spiritual issues.

Here we have the mandate. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish and wine to the bitter in soul. Let him drink and forget his poverty and let him remember his misery no more. There's a place for the sedative. There is a place for the pill to quiet down the person who is agitated to the point where they're only getting an hour or two of fitful sleep. They are emotionally strung out. Their whole emotional structure is like violin strings wound up to the point where they're all about to snap and for you to try to probe the conscience and the rest is to brutalize them. The best thing y...

29:19 - 30:34 Read in full sermon

The point: If pastors experience spiritual dryness, first assess if they have structured time off and a regular exercise program, as these physical and emotional factors often underlie spiritual struggles.

Martin describes how 99% of pastors who call him about spiritual dryness are found to lack structured time off and regular exercise, illustrating how physical and emotional neglect impacts spiritual vitality.

Prayer is nothing but a struggle. No delight and they say I've searched my heart. I don't know what is going on. I would say that over the years 99 cases out of 100 when I've asked such basic questions as these.

30:35 - 30:48 Read in full sermon

The point: In emergency counseling situations, offer 'ejaculatory prayer' for immediate divine help.

A Scottish cook at a Bible college described 'ejaculatory prayer' as 'shooting up a volley to the Lord,' illustrating how to pray quickly in emergency counseling situations.

we have a viable situation for productive pastoral interaction then we come to the whole matter of preparation. And we start with the preparation of one's, I'm sorry, the necessity for preparation. The necessity for preparation of oneself. And here I've listed a couple of texts. If the situation is thrust upon you in your general interaction or someone shows up on your doorstep a distressed sheep and that will happen to you as well. Some will come unannounced looking like they just stepped out of a grave then you may do as Nehemiah did that when he is asked why is your countenance sad he says ...

32:40 - 33:40 Read in full sermon

The point: In emergency counseling situations, offer 'ejaculatory prayer' for immediate divine help.

Martin recounts a man addicted to pornography showing up at his doorstep directly from 42nd Street, illustrating an emergency situation where the problem was immediately evident and required quick prayer.

volley to the Lord. Well, there are times when you'll have to do that and your only preparation will be Lord help me with this distressed sheep who looks like he or she has just come from the grave. I had a man show up at my doorstep on more than one occasion when he would fall before his addiction to pornography and he'd come straight from old 42nd street right to my door. And when he'd show up I'd know what his problem was.

33:40 - 34:04 Read in full sermon

The point: Cultivate an increasing familiarity with the book of Proverbs as essential general preparation for pastoral counseling.

Martin mentions that the first third of his Bible's Proverbs section has 'body oils' from years of regular reading, illustrating his personal commitment to this general preparation.

we want to have discretion in working through problems that involves subtle nuances and tangled webs of concern and the man who is already in a posture of being reckoned a wise man may hear, increase his learning and the man of understanding attains unto sound counsel and so with respect to general preparation i urge you if you are not regularly exposing your mind and heart to the book of proverbs i urge you to do it i urge you to do it i urge you to do it i urge you to do it i urge you to do it There's no portion of my Bible that has more body oils on the first one-third of the side of the pa...

37:38 - 38:42 Read in full sermon

The point: Regularly read and re-read Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, John Newton's letters, and Martin Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression for insight into spiritual struggles.

Martin urges reading Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, noting how his own growing Christian experience helps him 'exegete Bunyan,' and how Bunyan 'had it right' about spiritual struggles.

Therefore, cultivate a general awareness of the patterns of spiritual struggles. And in order to do this, then I urge you to read and re-read periodically Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. I've picked it up again to re-read it. Because in recent days I've thought of several incidents and I've said, oh, Bunyan had it right.

41:16 - 41:39 Read in full sermon

The point: Regularly read and re-read Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, John Newton's letters, and Martin Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression for insight into spiritual struggles.

Spurgeon reportedly read Pilgrim's Progress a hundred times, used to encourage 'little pygmies' like us to also read the 'old tinker's' work for spiritual insight.

If Spurgeon felt it worthwhile to read it, it is said a hundred times in his lifetime.

41:52 - 41:57 Read in full sermon

The point: Regularly read and re-read Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, John Newton's letters, and Martin Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression for insight into spiritual struggles.

Martin's original volume of Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression is 'worn, frazzled and threadbare' from loaning it to distressed sheep, illustrating its practical value in counseling.

How much more do we little pygmies need the input of the old tinker? Read John Newton's letters. Martin Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression. The covers of my original volume are literally worn, frazzled and threadbare from loaning it out to distressed sheep.

41:59 - 42:18 Read in full sermon

Driving home: And remember that the vast majority of those Puritan works did not come from men who felt they were called to be scholars. They were pastor-preachers whose preaching of those things so met the needs of the people that th…

Martin reflects on how he may unconsciously 'semi-plagiarize' Puritan authors because their wisdom has so deeply permeated his soul through years of reading, illustrating the profound impact of such works.

And you drink at those wells, not only for your own soul, as I have sought to do over the years, and it amazes me now because I can't, I wish I could pull up off the hydro, the hard drive of my brain, all that was absorbed, but I didn't even realize that I worked through a number of the old Puritan sects, just pecking away four or five pages a morning for the needs of my own soul. And there are times when I just wonder, how much am I quoting or semi-plagiarizing without even realizing it? I'm not consciously doing it. But when I go back and pick up one of those old volumes, and I say, oh, that...

43:05 - 43:39 Read in full sermon

The point: Do concentrated study on the specific subject of the counseling session.

A mature man in the church asked Martin about the biblical concept of inheritance distribution, illustrating a specific counseling need that required Martin to do homework and seek input from others.

Your conviction about the reality of general revelation and common grace, it'll lock in at this point. So, if someone says, well, I'm struggling with a particular besetting sin, or with this or with that, get at least a general idea so that you can get as much information as possible beforehand. And then, seek to do some concentrated study on the subject. When one of the mature men in the church said, look, I'm struggling with this whole issue of inheritance.

45:53 - 46:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Seek input from other trusted brethren in your specific preparation for a counseling session.

A brother pastor called Martin for counsel on a case of incest, illustrating the need to seek input from others for specific, complex counseling situations with legal and disciplinary implications.

One brother called me this past year. He said, brother, have you ever had to deal with the situation where someone was caught and involved in the wretched pattern of incest? He said, I've never had to face this before. There are legal implications.

47:15 - 47:33 Read in full sermon

The point: If counseling a woman at home, have your wife greet her at the door to avoid rumors.

Martin advises having one's wife greet female counselees at the door of a home study, illustrating a practical step to prevent rumors and maintain a good reputation.

If your study is at home and it's a woman, you certainly have your wife at home. May I urge you to have her always greet the person at the door so when the neighbors see a strange woman walk up, your wife lets her in and your wife lets her out. And then if they want to start a rumor that your wife is so perverse to let you cavort with another woman while she's in the home, then they're hopeless and there's nothing you can do and you'll just have to live with that. But I found no one ever raising an eyebrow in our neighborhood as we've operated that way.

49:16 - 49:44 Read in full sermon

The point: Prepare the physical surroundings of your study to indicate your own preparation and respect for the counselee, embodying the Golden Rule.

A scenario where a pastor's desk is strewn with papers and books, and he has to hastily prepare a chair, illustrates how physical surroundings communicate a lack of preparation and respect to the counselee.

How do you feel if you've made an appointment for someone to have a counseling session and you come in and the desk is strewn with papers and books, he's in the middle of sermon preparation, a no-chair is set in a position for the person to sit and as they're ushering in... Oh, excuse me for a minute and all the papers go together and then you pull out a chair.

50:19 - 50:40 Read in full sermon