Before the Session, Part 1

Introduction to Guidelines for Pastoral Counseling

0:03 Well, as we continue our studies in pastoral counseling, or what I would rather describe as the individual customized shepherding of sheep with special needs, let me just briefly remind you of where we have been. After a general introduction and overview, we spent several weeks focusing on the presuppositions of pastoral counseling, the presuppositional framework, and now we come to take up what I've described as Unit 3, specific guidelines for pastoral counseling. And in addressing this aspect of our study, an aspect that will bring us from the theological framework into a suggested pragmatism. So, in this specific working model, I want to underscore two things. First of all, that these are only guidelines, and they are just that. They are not ironclad rules, but they are guidelines, things that I trust you will find helpful in the immediate future and in the long-term future. And in starting in any given area of discipline, it is best to begin with a more fixed form of a proven method.

1:17 Thank you. All the while recognizing that the principles are only guidelines and not rules with divine authority behind them. There's a real parallel between this and homiletics. A man who starts out trying to find his own particular niche as a preacher without attaching himself to some basic model or framework of sermonizing will most likely never get very far in becoming, in the truest sense of the word, an effective preacher.

1:46 And so, one must start with a framework and then customize it with the passing of time. And so, these guidelines, in that sense, are akin to and parallel to the guidelines that we've sought to give in homiletics proper. This is homiletics for the study as opposed to homiletics for the pulpit. And then secondly, I want to say by way of introduction, it's vital to understand that your own experience, maturation, and the quality, control of the input of others will cause you to be making constant modifications as you move onward as a Christian man and as a shepherd of souls.

2:28 While fixed patterns are always comfortable, they may become a kind of carnal rut. And the Reformed Church, as you know, is the reforming church. And therefore, the biblical and reformed pastor is ever reforming, seeking, seeking to incorporate the fruit of his own devotional life, his general reading, his growing experience, and his interaction with other men into the sphere of his pastoral counseling. The same way any man who's worth his weight in salt does this with his preaching.

3:05 And as I often say in pastor's conferences, and I say to you men, I don't understand the preacher that doesn't constantly expose himself to other preachers. Not with a view to criticizing those preachers. But to being blessed and helped in his own soul and learning from them. What are they doing well that I'm not doing so well?

3:24 What are they doing in a different way that might enhance my ministry were I to do it in that way? And the great textual standard in this aspect of pastoral duty, as in all others, is 1 Timothy 4 and verse 15. Where Paul says to Timothy, his unique spiritual child of whom we heard, last Friday, concerning whom Paul says, I have no man like-minded, he tells him that he is to be diligent in these things, to give himself wholly to them, that his progress may be manifest unto all. He doesn't say until you're 30 or 40 or 50.

4:04 But as long as you're in this labor, Timothy, give yourself to these things that your progress may continually be evident to all who have eyes to see it. And so those...

The Necessity of Continuous Growth and Learning

4:16 Those who know you best and love you enough and have the discernment enough to be honest and accurate in their assessment of you ought to be able to say of you, I believe you have yet to preach your finest sermon. I believe you have yet to attain your fullest usefulness as a wise pastoral casuist. We ought never to coast, never to think because we've attained a certain degree of usefulness and earned reputation for competence. And there is such a thing.

4:44 The brother who's praised... This is throughout all the churches.

4:48 Timothy was well spoken of by the brethren, but he would not continue to be well spoken if he reached a plateau and coasted. So in no area must we ever think we have the luxury of coasting. So with these guidelines, recognizing that our own maturation will be poured into our skills as pastoral counselors, we'll then take up together now some guidelines for...

Guidelines for Accepting a Counseling Case: Propriety

5:16 The actual endeavor of pastoral counseling. And the first section, as you see in your notes, is before the session or sessions. And large letter A is accepting the case. We're using the medical model, and so I've used the term case.

5:35 Accepting the case. And under this heading, I have two concerns. Namely, the propriety of taking on this situation of pastoral counseling. And then...

5:46 And then assessing the viability. Now under this matter of the propriety of accepting the case, you need to establish in your own heart before God that no one within or without the congregation has an unqualified right of access to your study or office for pastoral counseling. Now there are a lot of people who will assume because you're called pastor so-and-so or you've been revved up and you're reverend so-and-so, that that means anyone with any kind of need at any time has an unqualified right to you. And especially as you deal with a generation that has been reared on instant gratification.

6:29 And people will come up and say, I need to counsel with you, and I need to do it like two hours ago. And you will have to learn how to graciously let them know that while you maintain the disposition of their servant, for Christ's sake, 2 Corinthians 4, 5, you are also a man who recognizes you've been bought with a price. Do not be the slaves of men. No one has an unqualified right to your time and energy in the theater of pastoral counseling.

7:05 You are a steward under God of your time, your gifts, your reputation, and your position as a leader among God's people. And with that recognition, internally you have the disposition of being prepared to be servant for Christ's sake. He that would be great among you shall take the place of table waiter and a bondservant. In any given situation, how you express that mingled disposition will vary.

7:37 And so when a request comes for pastoral counseling, you need to assess the propriety of accepting that case. And as you do, let me give you some questions that you need to ask. First of all, you need to get enough information in order to make an intelligent decision as to whether or not you should set up a session or sessions.

8:05 Now in some cases, for example, there are people in this church that I know them so well and their reputation for never asking for 30 seconds of time unless there is a valid reason, it would be insulting for me to ask them for 30 seconds of time. For me, if they call me or see me on a Lord's Day or Wednesday and say, Pastor, I need to get together with you, could we have a time for some pastoral counseling, it would be insulting to the nature of our relationship for me to even ask them why. I don't even ask them why. Because the nature of the pastor-sheep interaction is such that knowing that sheep, that it never bleats unless there is a legitimate need to bleat, and that when they bleat, you ought to care for their needs.

8:49 I don't even ask them. However, there are others that I ask a lot of questions before I say, I'll give you an hour of my time. You need to have sufficient information either based upon previous patterns of your knowledge of that sheep or drawn out at the time that that person requests a, quote, session of pastoral counseling, get enough information in order to make an intelligent decision as to whether or not you should set up a session or sessions. Furthermore, you must seek to determine if there is going to be a violation of Matthew 18, 15 or Luke 17, 1 through 3.

9:33 If you were to commit yourself to meet with this person, if they say, well, I need to have a session with you, I've got a problem with someone in the church, and after that you stop and you say, now wait a minute, you mean there's someone that has offended you or you have reason to believe guilty of this sin? Have you? Have you gone to them? No.

9:51 Well, why have you not gone to them? Well, I'm not sure how I ought to approach things. I said, all right, you're committed then to go to them? Yes.

9:59 And so you're coming to me for some light and counsel as to how you should approach? Yes. All right, then you can take the case. But if they say, well, no, I haven't.

10:08 Do you have any intention? Well, no. Well, you see, you're coming to the wrong person. Do you have a clear understanding of what you ought to do were you to confront?

10:15 Yes. Well, then you go ahead and do that. And if you meet an impasse, then you come and we'll see where we go from there. Another area you may have to inquire, is the husband-wife loyalty and unity to be put in jeopardy if you set up a counseling session?

10:32 A woman calls you and says, Pastor, I need some pastoral counseling. Why? Well, I've got some problems with my husband. Have you spoken them to your husband?

10:40 Have you expressed your concern to your husband? Well, no. Well, don't you have an obligation to do that? You see, you can't intrude into the sanctity, of the marital relationship, simply because you're a pastor.

10:52 Now, there are times when you have an obligation to intrude. But you want to make sure that you are not unwittingly violating husband-wife loyalty and unity by committing yourself to a counseling session. Then you need to ask, is an ecclesiastical structure being put in jeopardy?

11:13 You can imagine that if God has given you some wider context in the church universal, people, sometimes, without thinking, just assume that they have a right of access to you and that they can call you about church problems. My standard question is, if anyone's a member of another church, are you calling me with the knowledge and consent of your own elders? And if not, the phone is hung up, even with former members of this church. And that happened in this past year.

11:46 Why? For a number of reasons, not the least of which is Matthew 7, 12. As you would that others do. And I say unto you, even so do ye also unto them.

11:57 How will you feel as an elder if someone committed to your care under Christ goes outside the sphere of that ecclesiastical commitment to speak of issues that they've not spoken to your own face? Is there a little angst in what I say? Yes. Because we're spending hours sorting out some of the wretched fruits of that fundamental violation of Matthew 7, 12.

12:27 And I can't speak of it dispassionately. That's the question. Is an ecclesiastical structure in jeopardy? Will this be an encouragement to an unwholesome dependence upon me?

12:45 There are some dear sheep that without realizing will make an idol of you. You must not encourage that idolatry. And if you have some unmet psychological needs to have people nursing at your breast, you'll be particularly vulnerable in this area. I've seen men in the ministry that were peculiarly vulnerable.

13:02 They were very vulnerable to setting up an idolatrous attachment to themselves because when people were willing to come for session after session after session, it was some form of self-affirmation of their own worth. And some kind of a kinky psychological need was being met by the encouragement of this chronic idolatrous dependence upon the pastor. You must ask yourself, will I be exposing myself to unnecessary temptation? I will.

13:32 We must mean it to others. I may say, well it's alright to say what I want. Let's go windowsillceptions if we want to get it done. You've got to learn a little bit about yourself when you seek Jesus, rather than just asking yourself about yourself.

13:43 You must understand thatacıeng� editorat 음식 ve yak skin thate enemy aouses an adjäncu You don't need to ask God to get you into Church because there's nothing wrong with you wanting to go through with that woman. And so many times I've discovered that when I go in a pray service or in a church meeting or something, there's an abnormal feeling of tied in me, and so many times I say to God, God, please, I don't want in this church meeting. What is it about you that's so random? doctor in the house who can set up a session with her am I going to unnecessarily put myself in the place of feeding that temptation I'm wrestling with it I'm not indulging it I'm mortifying it but I cannot with judgment day honesty say it lies dead at my feet in union with Christ and his cross can I obey the biblical injunction to flee fornication and not tempt the Lord my God and set up a time of intimate eyeball to eyeball heart to heart emotional interaction with this person can I call that fleeing and not tempting God you could ask those questions and only you in the solemn presence of God can ask them and answer them with honesty another question you need to ask will you be encouraging spiritual laziness and indolence the person says well I I've got some questions about such and such, and you say, well, before we set up a session, have you taken an hour some evening

15:07 to take your concordance and look up this subject? No, I haven't. Well, let me encourage you to do that. Before you come to me, I want you to know the joy of going into the Scriptures.

15:17 And you don't want to set up a counseling session if in so doing you're encouraging spiritual laziness. And you need to ask, here this person wants a time and feels they've got to have it in the next two days. You have already mapped out your biblical and God-given priorities for family, for the work of the ministry, for the public preaching of the Word. You need to ask, is it right for me to disrupt those commitments made in solemn sobriety in the full spectrum of my God-given stewardship? Is it right to disrupt them? Sometimes it will be. I've had to disrupt study time this Saturday in order to get my Bible study done. I've had to disrupt my Bible study time this Saturday in order to get my Bible study done. I've had to disrupt my Bible study time this Saturday in order to meet with a situation that would bring a couple to the Lord's Day with a deeply pained conscience. And so before God, I've been able to entrust to God cheating on some preparation time in order to meet the needs of those sheep. I've had to make a judgment before God. But it was not simply their request that caused me to disrupt the schedule. I

16:20 had to carefully, prayerfully assess this issue. Is it right to plan a second session? If it's not evident that they've done what was said before them in the first? Am I obligated to meet and stroke people who are not manifesting a spirit of obedience? I need to ask that question. Maybe I do need to meet with them to load them up with more gospel motivations. Maybe I need to shock them into the realization, hey, this is serious business. You were given three very simple homework assignments. You've not done them. You're not serious. Why come and spend another hour and a half on this? Why come and spend another hour and a half of my time when you have not done what you ought to do and you acknowledge you were intending to do as the fruit of the first time? Now, that will not make you everybody's fair-haired boy. But you will have the smile of your Lord. And you will have, over the long haul, if

17:17 that's a true sheep, there will come a time when they will say, you know, Pastor, I smarted when you told me you wouldn't meet with me. Frankly, I resented it at first. But upon reflection, that was a lie. That was the kindest thing you could do to me, though to the faithful wounds of a true friend.

Guidelines for Accepting a Counseling Case: Viability

17:35 So when we come to the matter of the propriety, brethren, I've only thrown out eight questions. The list goes on and on, and you will begin to develop, if you are seeking under God to be Christ's free man with the disposition of servant to all for Christ's sake, you will develop your own internal set of questions and concerns that you'll run down through almost subconsciously. Before you commit yourself to a session or sessions of pastoral counseling. And that all has to do with the propriety of accepting the case. But then you need to be concerned, secondly, about the viability of accepting the case. When something is viable, it is workable and likely to succeed or to survive. We speak of a viable economy. We speak of viable ideas for resolving a given problem.

18:29 situation? Or what about the viability of such a session? And here I've listed three questions that you need to ask. Do they manifest a willingness to deal honestly with their problem? Now we know that ultimately willingness is the fruit of grace. Psalm 110 and verse 3, thy people offer themselves willingly in the day of thy power. Then we need to take into consideration the previous patterns of this individual. Have they manifested an honest, earnest disposition to do what is pleasing to God? And if they have, then they will welcome correction, instruction, admonition. What if they have a pattern of not being in that category? Well, listen to what Solomon tells us. Proverbs 9 and verse 8. Reprove not a scoffer, lest he hate you. Reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

19:28 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser. Teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning. Now how is Solomon's son to carry out this directive if he does not have the discernment to make assessment of character? I have the responsibility to make assessments. Is this person marked by the pattern of a scoffer or of a wise man? If that of a scoffer, don't reprove him. All you do is throw fuel upon the scoffer. He will be driven from the disposition of his heart that hates light, and will hate an instrument that brings more light upon his conscience. Reprove a wise man, someone who is wise with spiritual wisdom, who says, let the righteous smite me. It shall be as oil upon my head. Reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser. Now as you get to know

20:23 your people, you will, under God, have discernment. Not infallible, but nonetheless real discernment. If that's not possible, and if that's not a necessity, then I don't know how to make sense of these texts. You men, prove yourself in your interaction to be wise or scoffers, in terms of how you receive the admonition of your brethren. I prove myself to be a wise or a scoffer, as I interact with my fellow elders and my office bearers, and my people. May I give you an example? I challenge any of you to go to Pastor, ex-Pastor Dixon, with whom I worked for 30 years. And I mean this. This is a sincere challenge, and it's

21:10 one of the things that in these days, only God has restrained my spirit from pulling a Moses.

21:18 When men young enough to be my, none of my sons, but my grandchildren, want to know, well, Pastor Martin, what happens if anybody points out your sin? Go ask Pastor Dixon, who worked with me for 30 years. Ask this man, who worked with me on the eldership for what, close to 10 years? Elton.

21:38 The wise men that God has given in this church will not walk long with men who are not wise in this biblical sense, who will not take admonition. I'd have been out of here a long time ago. You want to carry the conscience of men who are men. One of the ways you'll carry it is showing that you not just tolerate, but you welcome their admonitions and reproof, and you are prepared to own your sin without qualification.

22:11 When you sit in elders' meetings and one of your brethren says, Brother, I believe a few minutes ago there was a bit of an edge on the way you responded. Brethren, if that's the impression given, then it must be what was in my heart. Will you forgive me? How many times, my brother, did that occur in our elders' meetings? Spontaneously, over the years. You see why it's hard for me to contain myself and not say things publicly, when I have to listen to this vicious slander that nobody knows about me. You see why it's hard for me to contain myself and not say things publicly, when I have to listen to this vicious slander that nobody knows about me. You see why it's hard for me to contain myself and not say things publicly, when I have to listen to this vicious slander that nobody knows about me.

23:07 when I have to listen to this vicious slander that nobody knows about me. You see why President to rout. And it's only the grace of God that I've not asked them to stand in the public assembly and do it.

23:27 Brethren, if that's not the spirit that you manifest toward one another in this place, God have mercy on you. God have mercy on you. You will never carry the conscience of true men in leadership. You will never carry their conscience. Never.

23:48 And how are you going to make that assessment in your dealings with others if you yourself are not a model of it? I had a deacon come to me Wednesday night. He said, Pastor, I want to tell you an incident that happened Sunday. I said, what's that? He said, my wife was a few feet in front of me as she went through the door. And I saw her talking to you quite earnestly, and I was watching your response. So when we got home or on the way home, I said to my wife, so-and-so, you must have been commending Pastor for the message. She said, oh. I said, well, the way he was responding to you, it looked like he was responding to someone complimenting. She said, no, dear, just the opposite. I challenged him regarding something he said in the sermon and told him I didn't agree with it. And he was responding to me, explaining that I had misunderstood and was clarifying the point in the sermon. I didn't ask

24:44 for that. But brethren, it's the drip, drip, drip of those things that come in the real interaction with your people that you will either gain their confidence that you're a wise man or that you're a scholar. And you will earn it not in great heroic deeds but in the little things. I didn't know my deacon's eyes were up, but they were.

25:15 The viability. You say you've digressed. Yes, I have. I have digressed, consciously and with a good conscience. And in this context, where these are the things, brethren, where the issues are won or lost, and I trust under God that you lay them to heart. The viability, do they manifest a willingness to deal with their problem? Proverbs 23, 9. Another passage.

25:41 Speak not in the hearing of a fool for he'll despise the wisdom of your words. God forbids me to speak in the hearing of certain people. And you know what the fool is in the book of Proverbs. It has nothing to do with intellect. It has nothing to do with education and IQ. It has to do with a moral quality of commitment to righteousness or non-commitment to righteousness. The wise and the fool is a moral and ethical category. Not an intellectual category.

26:08 Not a gray matter category. And here we are forbidden to speak in the presence of a fool. He will despise the wisdom of your words. You may have the best pastoral counsel to give.

26:21 But if someone has manifested the pattern of a fool, God says don't speak in his presence. Let alone give him some of your precious time only to have him despise what you would seek to impart. The viability. Does this person manifest a willingness to deal with his problem?

26:39 Secondly, under viability, do you believe you are sufficiently gifted, experienced, to deal with this particular problem? Or is there someone else in the church, someone else more competent? We come back to Romans 12 and verse 3. Not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think, but to think so as to judge soberly. 1 Corinthians 12, 4-7. Diversity of gift. Diversity of administration. The one Lord. The one Spirit.

27:07 Well, in any situation, when someone comes and you say, well, what is the thing we need to talk about? Well, I have a problem in this particular area. If there's even a layman in the church, a fellow office bearer, maybe a deacon, who has far more experience, far more gifted in that area, then put them into touch with the best doctor in the house. That's the terminology I use.

27:29 I say so and so's got more expertise in this area. I want you to have the best doctor. I'd love to meet with you. There's no lack of affection, lack of desire, but I'd want you to have the best doctor. And then you make a sober assessment. Now, some area in which you might refer early in your ministry, in the providence of God, you will be driven to gain more knowledge and experience, and you may be the best doctor in the house later on. But this is fluid. It's dynamic. It's not static.

27:57 It's not wooden. It's not mechanical. But don't be ashamed or feel that, well, this person is going to think I'm putting them off. Tell them, I'd love to meet with you and be able to help you.

28:07 But I don't think I could give you the help that this particular servant of God or this brother, or in some cases this sister. It may be the kind of thing you need to refer one of the female sheep to one of the women in the church. The principles of Titus, that the older women are to train the younger women with respect to some of these domestic duties. And then thirdly, you need to ask the question as to viability, is the person in a fit state to be counseled?

The Necessity of Preparation for Counseling

28:34 Physically? Emotionally? And spiritually? Remember Elijah. We went over that last week. In 1 Kings 19 4-8, he was in no shape physically and psychologically and therefore apparently even spiritually for God to probe his conscience about this dejection and this flight from Jezebel and it's not until God has rested him and fed him and finds him in the cave that God says, what are you doing here, Elijah? And then Proverbs 31, 6 and 7. This is a text that is a great embarrassment to those who would say under any circumstances and in all circumstances it is never right to use alcohol, period.

29:19 Here we have the mandate. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish and wine to the bitter in soul. Let him drink and forget his poverty and let him remember his misery no more. There's a place for the sedative. There is a place for the pill to quiet down the person who is agitated to the point where they're only getting an hour or two of fitful sleep. They are emotionally strung out. Their whole emotional structure is like violin strings wound up to the point where they're all about to snap and for you to try to probe the conscience and the rest is to brutalize them. The best thing you can do to that person is send them to the doctor. Seek to get them into a situation where they begin to get back into normal sleep patterns. Perhaps they've been as in one sheep that I was dealing with even this week under such emotional trauma that just perpetual diarrhea, losing weight and the first concern was to try to arrest this particular syndrome and then begin to address some of these issues. Over the years I've had a number of pastors call me when they've entered a period of spiritual dryness and they're just despairing. They've said their devotions have lost all of their life and birth and vigor.

30:35 Prayer is nothing but a struggle. No delight and they say I've searched my heart. I don't know what is going on. I would say that over the years 99 cases out of 100 when I've asked such basic questions as these.

30:49 Do you have any structured time off in your seven days? Do you have an emotional physical psychological Sabbath? I know you have a high view of the Lord's Day but do you have in your structure the benefits of sabbatical rest in the physical and in the emotional and in the social? And almost invariably they begin to waffle and they begin to tell you no I can't. They're stretched out seven days a week. Then I ask them the second question. Are you in a regular exercise program? And 99 times out of no I'm too busy to exercise.

31:28 I don't even have time to take a half a day off. So I just say well I'm not going to look any further for the cause of your spiritual dryness. I will not go any further. I try to drive a reasonable adjustment in those areas and I say now within three months the spiritual dryness is not over. Call me back. I have yet to receive the return phone call when that's been the diagnosis. I'm still waiting for the first phone call. Because these are men I know to be earnest men. Men who walk with a sensitive conscience as much as you can know another brother. And it would have been brutal for me to say well let's get together and we'll go probing this, probing that, probing the other. You want to assess the viability is the person in a fit state to be counseled on spiritual matters or is the problem primarily physical and emotional and needs to be addressed at that level. Now these specifics of the propriety and the viability are only suggested and they're far from exhaustive and as I've already intimated as you actually work with people you'll grow in your wisdom and ability to sort out these matters but assuming that you have judged positively it is proper for me to take on the case and I believe

32:40 we have a viable situation for productive pastoral interaction then we come to the whole matter of preparation. And we start with the preparation of one's, I'm sorry, the necessity for preparation. The necessity for preparation of oneself. And here I've listed a couple of texts. If the situation is thrust upon you in your general interaction or someone shows up on your doorstep a distressed sheep and that will happen to you as well. Some will come unannounced looking like they just stepped out of a grave then you may do as Nehemiah did that when he is asked why is your countenance sad he says I prayed unto the Lord and I said to the king. There was a dear Scottish woman who was the cook at a Bible college that has since closed down, used to be in Essex Fells and she used to talk about in this situation I shot up a volley to the Lord. That was her lovely little way of describing ejaculatory prayer. I shot up a

33:40 volley to the Lord. Well, there are times when you'll have to do that and your only preparation will be Lord help me with this distressed sheep who looks like he or she has just come from the grave. I had a man show up at my doorstep on more than one occasion when he would fall before his addiction to pornography and he'd come straight from old 42nd street right to my door. And when he'd show up I'd know what his problem was.

34:04 It was written all over him. Now some are not that dramatic but you just have to say Lord help. And there you have the principle of Mark 13 11 and while there are peculiar aspects of that promise that we would not generalize, certainly there's a wonderful principle. The Lord tells his own that when in the course of obedience to him they are delivered up to counsels and to their enemies they are not to be overly anxious when they lead you to judgment and deliver you up. Be not anxious before what you shall speak but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour. Speak ye for it is not you that speak but the Holy Spirit. And so there are those emergency situations where we can trust God to give us wisdom without any formal preparation but as a general rule, 2nd Timothy 2 15 applies as much here as it does in our pulpit ministries. We are to do our utmost to show ourselves approved unto God. Workmen who need not to be ashamed

35:05 cutting a straight course in the word of truth. And just as we do not come into our pulpits trusting to these promises of God's grace in emergency settings, but we give ourselves to careful, thoughtful, prayerful responsible preparation when we view what we do in the study, in pastoral counseling as not something of a different kind but only circumstantially different than 2nd Timothy 2 15 will exert its proper pressure upon our consciences as well when we think of the matter of the necessity for preparation. Now I've broken down that preparation into two areas. General preparation to be actually more consistent with the outline. I know that should be indented but then I would have had no number 2 for the necessity for preparation and that would have been another introduction so I said alright I'll have less than the most tidy classical outline at least the materials will be there in an orderly form for you. General preparation now what do I mean? What do I mean by general preparation?

General Preparation: Cultivating Wisdom and Awareness

36:11 Well there is no better general preparation than an increasing familiarity with the book of Proverbs and this is rooted exegetically in the very opening words as to what the function of Proverbs is to be Proverbs referring to the book singular, what the function of the Proverbs, plural are to be the Proverbs of Solomon the son of Gideon David king of Israel to know wisdom and instruction to discern the words of understanding to receive instruction in wise dealing in righteousness and justice and equity to give prudence to the simple to the young man knowledge and discretion that the wise man may hear and increase in learning and that the man of understanding may attain unto sound counsels to understand a proverb and a figure the words of the wise and their dark sayings so here in this broad spectrum of the purpose so much has direct reference to what we are doing in pastoral counseling we want wisdom to sort out the issues we are dealing with we want to have understanding we want to know how to respond with a course that is righteous and just and equitable

37:38 we want to have discretion in working through problems that involves subtle nuances and tangled webs of concern and the man who is already in a posture of being reckoned a wise man may hear, increase his learning and the man of understanding attains unto sound counsel and so with respect to general preparation i urge you if you are not regularly exposing your mind and heart to the book of proverbs i urge you to do it i urge you to do it i urge you to do it i urge you to do it i urge you to do it There's no portion of my Bible that has more body oils on the first one-third of the side of the page than the book of Proverbs. By simply reading through a chapter according to the day of the month for many years and seeking to pray in the content, I've never yet found an effective way to memorize the references. And it's one of my frustrations. And maybe somebody will program something into a computer that will come up with a more foolproof way. But it's frustrating at times because the proverb will come to my mind but I can't remember the address on it.

38:42 And like so many other texts, it's easy to remember the references but so many of the Proverbs are parallel in statements. But to have your mind and heart soaked with them, and then you'll know in preparation for a given session, I know there's something in there, several statements in Proverbs. You take your concordance out and you immediately know that the book of Proverbs has something there that you're going to use. Furthermore, continually cultivate an awareness of your own heart.

39:08 The man who knows his own heart is in great measure equipped to be an effective counselor of others. Proverbs 4.23, guard your heart above all that you guard for out of it are the issues of life. And the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.

39:28 Who can know it? And though we believe in the dynamic of grace that the wickedness of the human heart is fundamentally subdued in regeneration, the remnant...

39:39 The remnant of sin in the human heart are nonetheless wily than when sin reigned. And there is a subterranean network of horrible deception within all of our hearts. And we need to ask God to help us to study our own hearts. Search me, O God, and know my heart.

39:58 Try me and know my thoughts. Continually seek to be sensitive to the major anti-biblical patterns that may be influencing your people. We've got to read...

40:09 Periodicals. We have got to be in touch whether we discipline ourselves to a secular newspaper or newsletter or chasten and discipline ourselves to some structured exposure to the media. All of that is within the purview of your own liberty before God. But you must be in touch with the things that are pressuring your people or they're going to express concerns and you're not going to know what is the bridge between this concern and the pressure.

40:39 Romans 12, 2. Of this present age seeking to squeeze them into its mold. And then cultivate a general awareness of the patterns of spiritual struggles. Cultivate a general awareness of the patterns of spiritual struggles.

40:58 Every man's walk with God is utterly and totally paler made in many respects. But then 1 Corinthians 10, 13 is true. No temptation taking you, but such as is common to man, or such as man can...

41:09 There. You're not in this alone. You're not the first one to come down this path. You should look at your people with that confidence.

41:16 Therefore, cultivate a general awareness of the patterns of spiritual struggles. And in order to do this, then I urge you to read and re-read periodically Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. I've picked it up again to re-read it. Because in recent days I've thought of several incidents and I've said, oh, Bunyan had it right.

41:39 And the more you grow as a Christian, your mind will go back and say, oh, now I understand. That used to miss the button. The world was Bunyan-driving out there. And your own experience will be the key to exegete Bunyan.

41:52 If Spurgeon felt it worthwhile to read it, it is said a hundred times in his lifetime.

41:59 How much more do we little pygmies need the input of the old tinker? Read John Newton's letters. Martin Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression. The covers of my original volume are literally worn, frazzled and threadbare from loaning it out to distressed sheep.

42:19 Three or four of the chapters in that are the most masterful treatment of some of the most common spiritual problems you will face in pastoral counseling. And why spend two hours going over ground that the doctor's gone over so eloquently and powerfully? Give it to your sheep and say, outline it, pray it in, and then the next session tell me how you profited from it. I would add to that sections, of course, in Baxter's directory, books, precious remedies, I listed all in volume six.

42:49 That's just a sampling. You, I trust, will become increasingly familiar and you will get some modern smart alecks who will tell you, well, this stuff is antiquated and it's this and that. Just ignore them. Just ignore them.

43:05 And you drink at those wells, not only for your own soul, as I have sought to do over the years, and it amazes me now because I can't, I wish I could pull up off the hydro, the hard drive of my brain, all that was absorbed, but I didn't even realize that I worked through a number of the old Puritan sects, just pecking away four or five pages a morning for the needs of my own soul. And there are times when I just wonder, how much am I quoting or semi-plagiarizing without even realizing it? I'm not consciously doing it. But when I go back and pick up one of those old volumes, and I say, oh, that's where I cut that principle.

43:40 You don't even know that it gets into the soul. So when I say cultivate a general awareness, of the patterns of spiritual struggles, not only, above all, living in your Bible, but then living in those works that are dominantly experiential and pastoral. And remember that the vast majority of those Puritan works did not come from men who felt they were called to be scholars. They were pastor-preachers whose preaching of those things so met the needs of the people that there was a groundswell from the people.

44:11 So please, put it in more permanent form. They were preached with unction, and they ministered to the needs of God's people in the real world. And out of that pressure came these wonderful treasuries. And above all things, brethren, may it be said of us as was said of Apollos.

44:29 He was a man mighty in the Scriptures. For at the end of the day, as I've listed the text, 2 Timothy 3, 16 and 17, it is God-breathed Scripture that will make us thoroughly furnished unto every good work, as men of God. But then in addition to this ongoing general preparation, let me touch briefly, and then we'll break for our ten minutes, the matter of our specific preparation. Specific preparation.

Specific Preparation for a Counseling Session

44:58 As you have a session that you know you're going to have with one of the sheep, get as much information as you can beforehand. In other words, without having a mini-session before the session, try to get from the individual what is the concern? Well, I'm really struggling with the matters of assurance. Well, have you been struggling for some time?

45:18 No. It's only been in the last couple of months. And how old are you? I'm 43.

45:27 Well, immediately begin to think. Are you having any signs of beginning to be premenopausal? Oh, yes, I am. Have you done any reading on how this may affect your emotions?

45:38 Oh, no, I haven't. All right, now you've got enough information to know. You're not only going to be going to your Bible, you're going to be getting some good information on the emotional and psychological effects of premenopausal state in women. See, we come back to our presupposition.

45:53 Your conviction about the reality of general revelation and common grace, it'll lock in at this point. So, if someone says, well, I'm struggling with a particular besetting sin, or with this or with that, get at least a general idea so that you can get as much information as possible beforehand. And then, seek to do some concentrated study on the subject. When one of the mature men in the church said, look, I'm struggling with this whole issue of inheritance.

46:22 And I know it's assumed that if you have anything to pass on, you distribute it evenly among your kids. But is that a biblical concept? And I had to say, well, frankly, something in my gut says it probably is not. But I'm not quite sure.

46:38 Well, let's set up a time, give me enough time to do my homework. And so you do your homework. And you start looking up in your Bible on inheritance and heirs and seeking to do what you can do. And then you start asking your brethren.

46:51 And lo and behold, you might have a brother who, because he had to face this thing a half a dozen times within the course of a year, stumbled on some very excellent literature written from either a good perspective of common grace or someone who was driven into his Bible. And you don't need to rediscover the wheel. Then, if need be, seek input from others in your specific preparation. You call up a pastor.

47:15 One brother called me this past year. He said, brother, have you ever had to deal with the situation where someone was caught and involved in the wretched pattern of incest? He said, I've never had to face this before. There are legal implications.

47:33 What do we do with this? What is this? Well, in the matter of just a few minutes, I was able to say, alas, I'm sorry, I have. And here's my counsel to you based on our experience, able to give him direction about the legal dimensions of it, matters pertaining to church discipline.

47:48 Well, in the same way, I've called my brethren. Lock in to their pool of wisdom. All things are yours. Paul and Apollos and Cephas and all of that network of friends you've established in the ministry, men of integrity, proven men of God.

48:01 You lock in and get their help in preparation for that particular session. Then, if it's an ongoing session, review the past sessions. You won't hold all in your mind. You think you will.

48:14 But when you open up your file and look at your notes, you realize, oh, man, I've forgotten this aspect, this aspect. And you're giving prayerful consideration as to what should be carried over from the previous session in the way of follow-up, checking up, as we'll see when we come to some of the specifics. And then, having done that, cry to God for discernment in wisdom. James 1.5, If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, and it shall be given him. You have not because you ask not. James 4.2 And then our watershed text, How much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those that ask him?

During the Session: Setting the Proper Climate

48:52 Well, that's what I wanted to say about specific preparation. Let's take our ten-minute break. All right, brethren, we come now to Roman numeral 2 during the session or the sessions. What guidelines do we have to set before you with respect to the time arrives when you actually greet this person at the door?

49:16 If your study is at home and it's a woman, you certainly have your wife at home. May I urge you to have her always greet the person at the door so when the neighbors see a strange woman walk up, your wife lets her in and your wife lets her out. And then if they want to start a rumor that your wife is so perverse to let you cavort with another woman while she's in the home, then they're hopeless and there's nothing you can do and you'll just have to live with that. But I found no one ever raising an eyebrow in our neighborhood as we've operated that way.

49:44 So the moment comes when you're going to bring them into the study in order to have this prearranged session of pastoral counseling. Well, first of all, large letter A, I would urge you to consider setting and maintaining the proper climate for the session or the sessions. And since you do not meet with this individual as a disembodied spirit, nor do they come to you, in that condition, then seek to prepare the physical surroundings. Make sure that your study indicates your own preparation.

50:19 How do you feel if you've made an appointment for someone to have a counseling session and you come in and the desk is strewn with papers and books, he's in the middle of sermon preparation, a no-chair is set in a position for the person to sit and as they're ushering in... Oh, excuse me for a minute and all the papers go together and then you pull out a chair.

50:40 What you're saying to the person is, I did not prepare for this session. You're saying that by your physical language. Now, you may have spent three hours preparing the substance of it, but the first impression is they are coming upon you unprepared. Now, you don't want to give that impression, let not your good be evil spoken of.

50:57 It may have been good for you to be working on your sermon, but it would have been better to stop five minutes early, tidy up your study, turn off your answering machine, pull out a chair, so when the person comes in, everything says by the eye-gate, the pastor has thought enough of this session to prepare for my coming. And the text that I've listed is Matthew 7 and verse 12. As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. Don't you like to come to a pre-arranged session where you're seeking counsel with everything, indicating that the pre-arranged person has given forethought?

51:38 Then Matthew 7, 12 applies. There are times when when you greet a person at the door, if you know that this is the first time they're coming and you've not had this backlog of interaction to build up a climate of...