Roles of Husband and Wife

The point: Consider what you hope to accomplish by being present, listening, and interacting, beyond just hearing.

Martin's mother had a home medical journal for every ache or pain, offering ready-made remedies. He uses this to illustrate that he will not provide a similar 'manual' for marriage problems, as there are no simple formulas.

I remember as a kid, my mother had a home medical journal. And every time we had an ache, an itch, or a pain somewhere, she got down the home medical journal, looked up symptoms, turned to the page, and there was some home remedy that was offered, if a home remedy would suit the particular malady. Well, you know, we'd all love to have a manual like that. That we could just go down through, all right, here's a problem over this area of our marriage.

1:59 - 2:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that you bring both assets and dangerous liabilities to your marriage, and these liabilities often only surface after marriage.

The major biblical passages on marriage should be to married couples what a Betty Crocker's cookbook is to a young housewife: a working knowledge that becomes second nature over time.

Number one, to acquaint you with the major biblical materials which speak to the various aspects of marriage and the home. It's my concern that when these three sessions are done, all of you as couples will have some awareness that in Genesis 1 and 2, Proverbs 31, Proverbs, Ephesians 5, the Song of Solomon, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3, these major passages have something to say to the various fundamental aspects of marriage and that you'll have a working knowledge of those portions of the Word of God. What a Betty Crocker's cookbook is to a young housewife, these passages ought to be ...

3:37 - 5:05 Read in full sermon

The point: Be exposed to potential problem areas in marriage so you won't be disillusioned when they come to light.

Martin states that even after 223 years and 17 days of courting, one doesn't truly know someone until married and living together, emphasizing that marriage reveals hidden liabilities.

That is the pressure which brings to the surface many things that you don't know about each other now. I don't care if you've been courting for 223 years and 17 days. You still don't know someone until you're married to them and begin to live with them. You don't.

7:15 - 7:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Do not waste your time listening to opinions or experiences that are not grounded in God's Word, as marriage is too serious.

Martin recounts a doctor on a talk show arguing that permanent monogamy is America's biggest sociological problem. This illustrates the world's rejection of God's design for marriage and the need for a biblical perspective.

But, according to the evolutionary theory, man is ever progressing. His circumstances are changing and therefore it is proper to bring into serious question whether or not marriage as an institution now existing one man for one woman and that for another woman and that for life. There are those who are seriously questioning whether this is wise. I heard one man, an intelligent man, after the world's standards, a doctor somebody on one of the talk shows on WOR some months ago, and his thesis in a recently published book is the biggest sociological problem in America today is that we are still t...

10:18 - 10:59 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin clarifies that discussions of husband and wife roles pertain to their function within the marriage relationship, not their individual dignity or position before God. He…

People who don't distinguish between individual position and relational function in marriage are 'running around in circles like chickens with their head cut off,' unable to make sense of biblical teaching.

We are talking about their function within a relationship. And if we don't get that straight, we'll never sort out the biblical teaching. And many people are just running around in circles like chickens with their head cut off, making no sense of the biblical materials because they haven't made the distinction. Let's see if I can just illustrate it.

23:43 - 24:03 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin clarifies that discussions of husband and wife roles pertain to their function within the marriage relationship, not their individual dignity or position before God. He…

Martin uses the analogy of drawing a man and woman in a circle to represent them as individuals before God, then joining hands to represent marriage, to distinguish between individual dignity and relational function.

I put a circle on the board. Now, within that circle, I've drawn a man and a woman. Now, they stand, as we know, now see them, simply as two individuals before God. Now, as individuals before God, there is absolute identity in terms of the basic matters relative to their humanity.

24:03 - 24:32 Read in full sermon

Driving home: So, when we begin to talk about function, and we say that God has assigned a specific function for the woman, God has assigned a specific function for the man, we are not saying that these functions, these functions impl…

He humorously notes that men sometimes think women have a special depravity when it comes to driving, but asserts that men and women are equally depraved.

So we share equally, not only in the dignity of creation, but in the shame of the fall. And nowhere does the Bible say that men are more depraved than women or women than men. Now, there are times when, for sure, you may think so. Especially, men think that women have some special depravity when it comes to driving a car.

25:52 - 26:10 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives, listen carefully to the husband's role, as your expectations should parallel what he is seeking to be, and you should not be satisfied with him being less than he ought to be.

He describes the various roles of the husband as 'pieces in a pie,' indicating that they are all interconnected and equally important, without a specific order of significance.

And I said, no, that's tacky business. So, what we're doing is we're looking at the various roles like pieces in a pie and we're just taking them at random. Okay? And I wouldn't dare to say which one's more important than the other because they're all tied together.

28:26 - 28:41 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin outlines five key roles for the husband: main material provider, general administrator of the household, companion/confidant/best friend to his wife and children, his…

He contrasts the true meaning of 'general administrator' with a caricature of a man sitting in front of a TV, barking orders, to clarify that administration means positive leadership, not tyranny or laziness.

Christ alone is head of the church. That's why Paul in giving requirements for spiritual leaders says in 1 Timothy chapter 3 that the man who would become a spiritual leader must be one verse 5 who rules his own house verse 4 one that ruleth well his own house verse 5 if a man knows not how to rule his own house now rule does not mean tyranny but it means positive administration of the affairs of that household so even in the matter of children Ephesians 6 4 fathers nurture your children in the chastening and admonition of the Lord in the Ten Commandments remember the Fourth Commandment God sa...

34:43 - 36:11 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin outlines five key roles for the husband: main material provider, general administrator of the household, companion/confidant/best friend to his wife and children, his…

The words 'nourishes and cherishes' in Ephesians 5 are likened to a mother holding a baby to her breast, tenderly supplying its needs, illustrating the husband's sensitive care for his wife.

ear to listen to me that's what a wife ought to be able to say to a husband that's why Paul could say in Ephesians 5 husbands you're to be like Christ and what does Christ do to his church he uses two very tender words he nourishes and he cherishes his church that's the picture of a mother holding a baby to her breast nourishing it and that's nourishing it tenderly warmly affectionately supplying its needs he says husbands you do to your wives what Christ does to the church nourish them and cherish them their spiritual intellectual emotional physical needs you're to be sensitive to all of thos...

39:07 - 40:36 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives, learn the glory of doing the mundane day after day as a keeper of the home, even if you've had a taste of careerism.

He illustrates Adam's need for a 'help meet' by imagining Adam trying to communicate with a donkey or an ostrich about flower arrangements, highlighting his need for a thinking, feeling companion.

suited to their functions but it says there was not found in health answering to his needs why when Adam had been dressing the garden and keeping it and made a new flower arrangement I mean he couldn't go over to the local donkey and go you know and say and it's nice he couldn't communicate he couldn't communicate he couldn't communicate he could talk to the birds and to the stars but no one to share in his joys no one to share in his joys he had this need to communicate to share his joys to share his concerns when he's really weren't saying well where in the world can I put those pansies so t...

55:19 - 56:48 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives, learn the glory of doing the mundane day after day as a keeper of the home, even if you've had a taste of careerism.

He uses the mundane examples of dirty coffee mugs, forks, and stinky socks to illustrate the unglamorous, repetitive nature of homekeeping, emphasizing why women need to be 'trained to be workers at home'.

that's the only tie they have to their kids there's no true principled biblical love so they have to be trained to love their children but furthermore he says to be sober minded chaste workers at home they need to be trained to be workers at home why? because women were no different then than they are now there's nothing glamorous about facing that same stupid dirty coffee mug every single morning nothing glamorous about facing those same forks and knives and pots and pans and dirty sheets and dirty underwears and his stinky socks that he always throws right in the middle of the bedroom floor ...

58:16 - 59:45 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives, learn the glory of doing the mundane day after day as a keeper of the home, even if you've had a taste of careerism.

Martin recounts counseling a career woman who underestimated the time commitment of homekeeping, illustrating the practical demands of the 'keeper at home' role.

you see women need to be trained to be keepers at home that is to give themselves to keeping a home in a way that is a delight to a husband is a commendation of the gospel to all who come into that home and to learn the glory of doing the mundane day after day now you have to learn that and if some of you gals have had a little taste of careerism it's going to be all the harder to learn it you have to learn it it is now you face it right now there are going to be some days when you're going to run out on the whole shooting match when that comes don't get on the phone and cry to me you go to Ti...

59:45 - 61:14 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives, learn the glory of doing the mundane day after day as a keeper of the home, even if you've had a taste of careerism.

Martin shares his personal gratitude that his wife maintains the household's administration and spiritual perspectives in his absence, illustrating the wife's role as executrix of her husband's directives.

because I've seen it in wills you're the executrix you're the executrix of your husband's directions for the home in other words much of the time he's not actually there to carry out his administration you are his representative that's why the Bible says in Titus chapter in chapter I'm sorry in 1st Timothy chapter 5 in verse 14 an interesting thing and this used to bother me I used to be embarrassed by this as though Paul contradicted himself but then I realized it wasn't that at all I desire that the younger women the widows marry bear children rule the household I said wait a minute the wido...

61:14 - 62:41 Read in full sermon

The point: Wives, be your husband's loving, satisfying, sensitive lover all the days of your life, making him 'go astray' with your love to prevent immorality.

He describes how sexual needs can become a basis for 'hassling' or 'blackmail' in marriage when roles are not understood biblically, such as withholding intimacy for a desired vacation.

their sexual needs in that way how in the world can sex ever become the basis of hassling in a marriage the basis of exploitation blackmail blackmail well you give me the vacation I want and then I'll be sweet and kindly you see and this goes on in marriage after marriage simply because the role is not faced in the light of the scriptures and then you have that wonderful passage in Proverbs 5 this is what you're to do to your husband all the days of your life in this area writing against the writing the warning his young son or pupil about the dangers of immorality he then says the best cure o...

64:10 - 65:39 Read in full sermon