In-laws and Finances

The point: Learn what it means to leave your father and mother to legitimately cleave to your spouse.

The prevalence of mother-in-law jokes indicates a common nervousness and underlying tension people feel about in-law relationships, highlighting the need for biblical guidance.

And I often say to the young people, you better know how to relate to your in-laws, or they will soon become outlaws in your estimation. And of course, there have been a multitude of mother-in-law jokes, particularly, and this indicates that people are a little bit nervous about this whole area of the in-laws. But it's interesting, when we take the scripture seriously, that the first recorded pronouncement concerning marriage has a very clear statement directed to this matter of our in-laws. In Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24, we read, after God brought Eve to Adam, therefore, in the light of t...

1:19 - 2:12 Read in full sermon

The point: Leave your parents emotionally, transferring all deep emotional ties and outlets to your spouse.

The common joke about a young bride running home to mother illustrates a failure to make an emotional severance from parents, indicating an inability to 'leave' emotionally.

Now, in a very real sense, all the springs have to be gathered up and directed toward this husband, towards this wife. You see the joke about the young bride running home to mother? What is that? The constant bantering about it's an indication of people who weren't able to leave emotionally.

14:02 - 14:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Leave your parents emotionally, transferring all deep emotional ties and outlets to your spouse.

The phrase 'tied to his mother's apron strings' is used to describe a man who has not made a necessary emotional severance from his mother, hindering his ability to cleave to his wife.

The little phrase, oh, he's still tied to his mother's apron strings. What they're saying is he's not made an emotional severance from his mother.

14:22 - 14:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Leave your parents emotionally, transferring all deep emotional ties and outlets to your spouse.

Martin quotes John C. (likely John C. Miller, author of 'Magic in Marriage') on how marriage involves 'sticking our emotional necks out' and the misery inflicted by an 'uncut umbilical cord' to parents, emphasizing the need for emotional priority to the spouse.

Now, it's absolutely necessary that we leave father and mother emotionally. John C., who has an excellent book, and I don't know if this is still in print. I'm going to do some inquiring this week.

14:31 - 14:44 Read in full sermon

The point: Face honestly whether you are prepared to leave father and mother emotionally, and all lesser human relationships, having your primary emotional needs met in your spouse.

The story of girlfriends feeling slighted when one gets engaged and finds a new emotional outlet illustrates the necessity of transferring primary emotional ties from friends to the spouse.

Some of you felt it during courtship. Once in a while, I have to sort out some less than positively loving feelings among some of the single gals. because they were very, very close. And all of a sudden, one of them begins to get courted seriously and gets engaged.

17:36 - 17:50 Read in full sermon

The point: Leave your father and mother geographically, as living with in-laws puts undue pressure on the marriage.

The example of not sharing wedding night details with girlfriends, unlike first date details, highlights the new sacred area of privacy and emotional exclusivity that enters marriage.

It may have been perfectly legitimate to come back all bubbly and giggly and tell three or four girlfriends what happened on your first date. But you don't go back to those gals and tell them what happened on your wedding night. The whole new sacred area of privacy enters in. You see?

18:21 - 18:37 Read in full sermon

The point: Leave your father and mother geographically, as living with in-laws puts undue pressure on the marriage.

The analogy that 'rarely is any roof broad enough, long enough, and heavy enough to hold the pressure of two families living under it' illustrates the difficulty and strain of living with in-laws geographically.

Are you prepared now for that leaving of father and mother, the deepest relationship and all lesser relationships, in terms of having your primary emotional needs met anywhere else but in your husband or wife? And now, of course, the best way to do the first three. If you're going to leave governmentally, economically, and emotionally, the best way to do it is to leave father and mother geographically. and it is a common consensus among those who work with married couples that rarely is any roof broad enough, long enough, and heavy enough to hold the pressure of two families living under it.

18:38 - 19:18 Read in full sermon

The point: Leave your father and mother geographically, as living with in-laws puts undue pressure on the marriage.

The metaphor of having 'orange crates for dresser drawers and sleeping bags in your master bedroom' emphasizes that privacy and independence from in-laws are far more valuable than a well-furnished home if it means living with parents.

far better, far better, and I mean this in dead earnestness now, far better to have orange crates for dresser drawers and have sleeping bags in your master bedroom and to have a measure of privacy and independence from your in-laws than to have the other alternative of a nice, well-furnished home if the price you have to pay is living with mom and pop. God bless them. And it's not a matter that they're perverse. It's not a matter that you're perverse.

20:36 - 21:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Make telephone calls on special family days to let parents know you still honor them.

The principle of 'what we sow we reap' is applied to how married children treat their parents, suggesting that treating parents poorly will result in similar treatment from one's own children.

If ever we need Matthew 7, 12, it's in this area. As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. And you know, there's a wonderful way that what we sow we reap, the scripture says. How do you want to be treated when your kids are grown up and married?

23:56 - 24:13 Read in full sermon

The point: Remember that you are stewards of all you possess and of your ability to earn money, as it is all a gift from God.

A visit to a mental institution, seeing people stripped of rational faculties, serves as an example to highlight that the ability to work and earn money is a precious gift from God, not to be taken for granted.

Whatever I have in the way of things, whatever abilities I have to earn money, to accumulate more things, every bit of this is a gift from God. Every bit of it. Every single bit of it. And all you need is one visit to a mental institution to see people who sit and stare at a wall, whose rational faculties have been absolutely stripped from them.

40:06 - 40:30 Read in full sermon

The point: Remember that you are stewards of all you possess and of your ability to earn money, as it is all a gift from God.

Earthquakes, hurricanes, and tornadoes are used as examples to illustrate the instability of material possessions and reinforce the idea that everything we have is a gift from God, easily taken away.

A totally undesirable commodity on the wage market, and you realize the ability to accomplish a given task and in accomplishment of that task to be given a monetary reward or recompense is a gift from God. I cannot take it for granted. And then everything that I have is his gift. All you need to do is pick up a newspaper and see what one little tremble in the earth can do to what people have accumulated over a lifetime.

40:31 - 40:58 Read in full sermon

The point: If you receive unexpected money, immediately set aside the tithe for God's work before planning how to use the rest.

The example of lions seeking food from God (Psalm 104) is used to contrast animals' inability to acknowledge their Maker with humanity's unique privilege to thank God for provision through giving.

Think of it. Think of it. Here are the beasts of the field, sustained by the goodness of God. Psalm 104.

43:10 - 43:16 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The second guideline is the solemn obligation and great privilege to give systematically and proportionately (starting with the tithe) to God's work, warning against the 'by God's…

The metaphor of putting money 'in a bag with holes in it' (from Haggai 1:6, though not explicitly cited) is used to describe what happens when people fail to honor God with their tithes, implying that God will cause their finances to leak away.

And when you fail to do it, the money you've saved, you think. You know what God did to the people in the Old Testament? He says you put your money in a bag with holes in it.

45:15 - 45:24 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: The second guideline is the solemn obligation and great privilege to give systematically and proportionately (starting with the tithe) to God's work, warning against the 'by God's…

Martin shares a personal story from his parents' early marriage during the Depression, where his father's earnings from working on Sunday were invariably offset by extra medical bills, illustrating God's principle of 'money in a bag with holes'.

And I'll share a little instance that my mom and dad shared with me in their early experience of marriage. It was with reference to my dad working on the Lord's Day. And it wasn't a work of necessity, such as a hospital, a nurse, this type thing. And she said, God taught them very early that every time Dad worked, because it was right in the middle of the Depression that I was born.

45:26 - 45:48 Read in full sermon

The point: If a credit card is your master, leading you to purchase beyond your means, get rid of it.

The story of a young man in the assembly rejecting a significant promotion and salary increase because of the cost to his relationship with God, family, and church, serves as a powerful example of living within one's means and prioritizing spiritual values over material gain.

He takes that advancement, and he does so at the price of his own soul. And I thank God for the example that some of you have right in this assembly. Just a couple of weeks ago, one of our keen young men in this assembly was offered promotion that would have meant for many young men what they'd striven a lifetime for. Could have meant close to a doubling in salary.

52:02 - 52:23 Read in full sermon

The point: If a credit card is your master, leading you to purchase beyond your means, get rid of it.

The story of a godless man commending the young man's decision, confessing his own regret at sacrificing his family for career advancement, reinforces the dangers of prioritizing wealth over relationships.

And a godless, unconverted man the next day said to him, calling him by name. He said, I hope you have the guts to stick by your principles. He said, years ago, I had a wife and I had kids. I still have a woman in the home and I still have some people that illegally called my children.

52:45 - 53:04 Read in full sermon

The point: If a credit card is your master, leading you to purchase beyond your means, get rid of it.

Credit cards are presented as either a 'servant' to accomplish goals within biblical boundaries or a 'master' that leads to impulse purchases, illustrating the need for self-control in financial matters.

now that's what I'm talking about living within the means and being content well you say pastor what about credit cards well let me put it this way if the credit card can be your servant to accomplish your goals within the boundaries of the word of God it may be a safe thing to have credit cards instead of carrying cash around but if the credit card is your master to lead you about by the nose to purchase everything you take a fancy for, treat the credit card like something that was spawned by the devil himself. This is an area of Christian liberty. You can't legislate.

53:16 - 53:58 Read in full sermon

The point: If a credit card is your master, leading you to purchase beyond your means, get rid of it.

Martin uses his own American Express card as an example of a credit card used as a servant for necessary travel expenses, paid off promptly, demonstrating responsible use.

But if the credit card is not your master, don't use it. I have in my pocket the kind of credit card and I could take out of here tonight without a, well, in just my underwear and I could be outfitted with fancy threads and end up over in Hong Kong and go around the world on it. You see, that's a dangerous credit card if you can't control it. But that's my servant who serves me.

54:00 - 54:23 Read in full sermon

The point: Stick to your budget and do not cheat on it, as it leads to financial shortfalls and unfairness.

A story about a couple with wildly different budget estimates ($290 vs. $450 a month), with one partner having an unrealistically low grocery figure, illustrates the importance of establishing a truly realistic budget.

But one of them had a budget that came up to $290 a week, I mean a month. and the other one had one that came up to $450 a month. Well, it's obvious they were not having a realistic assessment of what it was going to cost to live. And I think it must have been the guy who never had to buy groceries because he had a figure down for groceries for the month that you could just about feed your bird and your turtle, and that would be about it.

58:37 - 59:03 Read in full sermon

The point: Come to an agreeable and efficient arrangement for the administration of financial matters, discussing needs and delegating tasks based on competence.

The example of an accountant who delegated household financial management to his wife because he was tired of figures from work, illustrates that efficient administration of finances can involve delegating tasks based on competence, not just headship.

Whatever is the most efficient way, that's the way you ought to do it. I read in this book I referred to of a man who was an accountant, and he worked with figures all day long. Now, he no doubt could have handled his own checking things very efficiently. But when he came home at night, he'd had enough of figures.

62:16 - 62:33 Read in full sermon