Major Sins of the Tongue: Gossip/Talebearing

In this part of the sermon: Martin reads James 3:1-12, prays for the Spirit's help, and situates this as the fifth sermon in the series on the tongue, focusing on gossipy, intrusive, meddlesome, talebearing…

James 3 is read and briefly expounded: the tongue is like a small bridle that controls a horse's whole body, a very small rudder that turns a great ship, and a tiny match that sets a vast forest ablaze - illustrating its disproportionate power relative to its size.

Now if we put the horse's bridles into their mouths that they may obey us, we turn about their whims. We turn about their whole body also. Behold, the ships also, though they are so great and driven by rough winds, are yet turned about by a very small rudder, wherever the impulse of the steersman wills. So the tongue also is a little member, and boasts great things.

1:07 - 1:38 Read in full sermon

The point: If you seem to be religious but do not bridle your tongue, your religion is vain and will not deliver you from God's judgment - take the tongue seriously because your eternal standing is at stake.

Martin notes James's claim that it is more difficult to tame the tongue than a ravenous lion, a free-spirited eagle, or a venomous snake - arresting language to establish the severity of tongue sins before introducing gossip specifically.

We remember the words of our Lord Jesus who said, Apart from me you can do nothing. Help us to truly believe that and in the faith of that to come to you even in this moment with a deep sense of that desperation of faith that acknowledges we need you Lord, we must have your help and we pray that it shall be given to us according to your promise as we seek it through Christ our Lord. Amen. Now it is not very flattering or supportive of a positive self-image for us to be told that we possess a member of our bodies which is nothing less than a veritable word a world of iniquity a member which is ...

3:28 - 4:58 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that the handmaiden of sloth is busybodying - where you are not engaged in your God-given calling with both hands and heart, you become particularly vulnerable to meddlesome speech.

Hendrickson's English translation captures the Greek wordplay in 2 Thessalonians 3:11 - they do not busy their hands in gainful employment but busy their tongues in destructive speech. Martin extends it: 'very active with his feet and his tongue but not with his hands.'

Now from that brief word of the gospel context we now seek to identify the meaning of this word. Now in the original there is a clear play on words. While they do not work they walk about among the people of God talking about things that are none of their business. Hendrickson beautifully captures in English the sense of this play on words and he translates it this way.

10:53 - 11:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that the handmaiden of sloth is busybodying - where you are not engaged in your God-given calling with both hands and heart, you become particularly vulnerable to meddlesome speech.

Extended quotation from the old Baptist commentator John Gill describing busybodies as those who wander house to house, curiously inquire into personal and family affairs, carry tales, privately whisper things to the disadvantage of others, backbite and slander - concluding: 'These are the pests of nations and neighborhoods, the plague of churches and the scandal of human nature.'

John Gill the old Baptist commentator gives a very helpful description of the meaning of this word and the significance of the activity condemned by the apostle and I quote but they are busybodies though they work not at all at their own business they are very busy in other men's matters and have the affairs of kingdoms and cities and towns and neighborhoods and churches and families upon their hands which they thrust themselves into and use and intermeddle with though they have no business at all with them. They wander from house to house and curiously inquire into personal and family affairs...

11:54 - 13:07 Read in full sermon

The point: Recognize that the handmaiden of sloth is busybodying - where you are not engaged in your God-given calling with both hands and heart, you become particularly vulnerable to meddlesome speech.

Martin describes his weekly trip to the CBS store for the New York Times and Star Ledger, noticing ten or twelve tabloids above them spewing garbage about movie stars. He uses this picture of the 'sick sinkhole of the human soul' to illustrate what 'tattlers' in 1 Timothy 5:13 look like in the modern world.

tattlers tattlers have a tabloid tongue you know what the tabloid tongue is occasionally I go to the CBS that's right up at the end of our street to pick up my Monday newspapers as you've heard me say a number of times I get a newspaper on Monday two newspapers New York Times and the Star Ledger and there on the bottom couple of rows there in the newspaper section but I've noticed and I don't look at them I don't peruse them I want nothing to do with them but above them are at least ten or twelve tabloids with their big letters spewing out the latest garbage about some movie star who's chasing...

17:34 - 19:04 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Working through three New Testament passages (2 Thess. 3:11; 1 Tim. 5:13; 1 Pet. 4:15) and four Old Testament texts (Lev. 19:16; Prov. 11:13; 18:8; 20:19; 26:20), Martin…

Martin quotes Fairbairn's commentary: the apostle regarded idle gossip as 'a great evil and proof of a frivolous, unsanctified, worldly spirit' - loose talkers babbling out what comes into their minds, busybodies intermeddling with affairs not their own, giving rise to misunderstandings, jealousy, and strife.

which would tempt them into such ways the latter expression in the verse merely point to the different the later expressions merely point to the different forms which the evil in the case supposed naturally assumes they babble out what comes into their minds loose talkers that's the first noun the second noun busybodies busybodies intermeddling with affairs which do not properly concern them and then the participial phrase speaking things that they ought not things that were not befitting or as it may be explained caring about reports and saying from one family to another and so giving rise to...

22:02 - 23:31 Read in full sermon

The point: If the bond of a friendship is talebearing, value your soul enough to break that friendship - Proverbs 20:19 explicitly commands separation from the person who opens wide his lips.

Martin quotes Hebert's commentary on 1 Peter 4:15: the rare word may designate 'an activity that was a definite social nuisance, one that irritated, aroused strong displeasure, and prompted open hostility' - an unwarranted intrusion into the affairs of others.

and episkopos to look over and so when you put the two together it's looking over the things of another and hence the translations a meddler in other men's matters and I have found the commentary of Hebert one of the more recent commentaries on the book of first Peter very helpful where he states this the term may be understood to mean the unfaithful guardian of goods committed to him that's how some understand it Peter arranged his terms in a descending order of guilt the term may designate an activity that was a definite social nuisance one that irritated aroused strong displeasure and promp...

26:28 - 27:58 Read in full sermon

The point: If the bond of a friendship is talebearing, value your soul enough to break that friendship - Proverbs 20:19 explicitly commands separation from the person who opens wide his lips.

Martin pictures the meddler going around with a big paint can and a six-inch brush, continually slopping paint over 'MYOB' (Mind Your Own Business) signs and making things his business that are none of his business.

Virgin such a general meaning seems most probable in the context so most probably Peter is identifying with this word that he may well have coined the sin of gossipy intrusive meddlesome speech becoming someone who is looking over and inspecting and talking about the affairs of another in which he has no God given stewardship to be concerned things over which there's a big sign M-Y-O-B you know what that means mind your own business this person goes around with a big paint can and a six inch brush continually slopping his paint over M-Y-O-B and making things his business that are none of his b...

27:58 - 29:28 Read in full sermon

The point: Hold up the mirror of these three concrete descriptions: are you a prober of others' private affairs, a third-party discusser of others' choices, or a carrier of unverified tales?

Martin gives the specific example of someone at Trinity Baptist having the nerve to ask a fellow member, 'How were you able to afford a new car?' - unless they know the person stole it and need to call the police, it is none of their business. The Adamic desire to pry is the only explanation.

who's shacking up with who out in Hollywood that's not her legitimate business not your legitimate business not my legitimate business but this sin manifests itself when we aggressively seek to discuss with people things in their lives that are none of our business we pry and probe into people's financial affairs their romantic interests their marital secrets we ask embarrassing questions how were you able to afford a new car that's none of your business but I know that's gone on among Trinity Church members someone having the nerve to come up to someone who got a new car how were you able to ...

33:53 - 35:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Hold up the mirror of these three concrete descriptions: are you a prober of others' private affairs, a third-party discusser of others' choices, or a carrier of unverified tales?

Martin gives the example of asking 'Did you plan this pregnancy or did it just happen?' - even if it is kid number ten, it remains none of the questioner's business. He uses this to illustrate intrusive probing into deeply personal family decisions.

who's shacking up with who out in Hollywood that's not her legitimate business not your legitimate business not my legitimate business but this sin manifests itself when we aggressively seek to discuss with people things in their lives that are none of our business we pry and probe into people's financial affairs their romantic interests their marital secrets we ask embarrassing questions how were you able to afford a new car that's none of your business but I know that's gone on among Trinity Church members someone having the nerve to come up to someone who got a new car how were you able to ...

33:53 - 35:22 Read in full sermon

The point: Apply the Golden Rule before asking a personal question: how would you feel if someone forced open this particular closet of your life without invitation?

Martin shares that even as pastor he has felt violated when people asked him questions he was not neat enough to decline, marveling afterward that he had not simply said 'Didn't your mama teach you any manners?' - modeling the common experience of being on the receiving end.

business what makes you think you have a right to probe into matters of personal nature now it varies with certain relationships I may have no business generically asking certain questions of you as my brothers and sisters you come for a counseling session in an area where I've got to know things to give you counsel now it is my legitimate business to ask you see but unless in the will of God I'm put in such a relationship of counselor of physician employer whatever it is that gives me a legitimate basis to probe into areas I must never forget the principle as you would that others do unto you...

35:22 - 36:50 Read in full sermon

The point: Use 1 Corinthians 13:5 as a filter: love will not say or do anything that raises a painful (as opposed to an innocent) blush on the cheek of another.

Martin cites the maxim that 'love does or says nothing that would raise a painful blush on the cheek of another,' distinguishing this from the innocent blush of a genuine compliment, as a practical filter for whether a question is acceptable.

and if people are bold enough to do that with me in a place of leadership I just wonder what are they doing with the rank and file of God's people that's one of the ways it manifests itself remember first Corinthians 13 5 love does not behave itself unseemly it doesn't act contrary to the accepted scheme of things someone said love does or says nothing that would raise a painful blush on the cheek of another love does or says nothing that would raise a painful blush on the cheek of another there's some things we do that raise an innocent blush there's some of you whenever you're complimented f...

36:50 - 38:19 Read in full sermon

The point: If a brother or sister has sinned, go to them directly (Luke 17:3; Galatians 6:1; Matthew 18:15) - discussion with a third party is not the biblical remedy and is itself the sin of meddling.

Martin gives the example of expressing opinions to a friend about another person's choice of home, car, vacation destination, or whether to use Christian school, homeschool, or public school - Romans 14:4 forbids it since each servant stands before his own Lord.

none of our business Romans 14 4 to his own Lord a servant stands or falls what right do you have to discuss with a friend your opinion about another person's choice of a home choice of a car where they went on vacation what right do you have to speak to another about another's choice whether to use a Christian school home school or put him in a secular public school what right is it of yours to discuss that with someone else they are operating before the eye of their Lord it is meddlesome gossipy intrusive speech to probe into things like that that are none of your business what right do you ...

38:19 - 39:47 Read in full sermon

The point: If a brother or sister has sinned, go to them directly (Luke 17:3; Galatians 6:1; Matthew 18:15) - discussion with a third party is not the biblical remedy and is itself the sin of meddling.

When Martin was 18-19 at a Christian college, he went to the godly missionary Dr. Thompson (a chiropractor who did amazing work with lepers in Africa) to commiserate about remarks the school president made in chapel. Dr. Thompson replied: 'Albert, the chapel speaker will give account of himself to God. I will give account of myself to God. And you will give account of yourself to God.' Martin says he felt 'about that big' - a lesson that has never left him about not fomenting agitation in matters outside his stewardship.

confronted me with this principle I was only 18 maybe I had turned 19 I was at a Christian college where I had gotten to know quite well a very godly missionary from Africa a doctor Thompson was his name he was a chiropractor John done amazing work with chiropractic in dealing with lepers and he was not appreciated by the administration because he had certain emphases that were lacking greatly in the administration in certain aspects of the Christian life and one day in chapel certain remarks were made by the president of the school that I thought were really aimed at my friend Dr. Thompson I ...

39:47 - 41:16 Read in full sermon

The point: Set a time limit on telephone calls; when the stated purpose is accomplished, return to your God-given task rather than continuing until gossip fills the silence.

Martin applies the old proverb 'idle hands are the devil's workshop' specifically to the tongue, noting that when hands are idle and people are procrastinating on God-given tasks, they are especially vulnerable to busybodying speech.

aggravated while it is possible to indulge the sin of gossipy intrusive meddlesome tale-bearing speech at any time in any place with anyone yet the texts we examined highlighted two settings or circumstances in which this sin is particularly manifested and within which certain people are particularly vulnerable to commit this sin the circumstance of idleness and the circumstance of social butterfly-ism I made up a word this morning first of all the circumstance of idleness you remember in 2nd Thessalonians 3 and verse 11 Paul is dealing with these people who will not work they are not busy wit...

44:16 - 45:44 Read in full sermon

The point: Set a time limit on telephone calls; when the stated purpose is accomplished, return to your God-given task rather than continuing until gossip fills the silence.

Martin updates 1 Timothy 5:13's 'going about from house to house' for the telephone age: in Paul's day you had to use your feet; today you push ten buttons (he gives an actual number sequence) and instantly connect to another house. In an hour you can visit six houses without leaving your chair.

workshop and where does he do a lot of his work when our hands are idle and we he does it with our tongues and there is a particular vulnerability when we are not soul engaged in a given task that God has put in our hands and when we are tempted to be lazy and to be shirkers and to be those who are procrastinating with respect to our God given task we are particularly vulnerable to this sin and then social butterflyism first of all first Timothy 5 and verse 13 he says I don't want these younger widows to be placed on the roll for with all they learn to be idle going about from house to house a...

45:44 - 47:13 Read in full sermon

The point: Set a time limit on telephone calls; when the stated purpose is accomplished, return to your God-given task rather than continuing until gossip fills the silence.

Martin carefully qualifies his point by noting how his wife's telephone conversations during her months of illness at home have been a genuine means of grace - nurturing friendships, communicating gratitude for meals, entering into others' burdens and joys. He is not condemning all telephone visiting.

to another house and when we're done we can hang up 9 7 3 and in a court can visit 6 houses to do what not to some specific pointed well divine purpose even if the purpose is the nurturing of a friendship the passing on of some legitimate concern but just to run off at the mouth with another and that's where much of this sin is committed when the specific purpose for a telephone call has been accomplished and then we're just laid back talking and we don't like periods of silence on the telephone I'm not going to pay for silence I mean if my phone bill comes so many minutes talking so and so I ...

47:13 - 48:42 Read in full sermon

The point: Follow Isaiah's example (Isaiah 6:5-7): come before the exalted God with unclean lips, receive cleansing through the sacrifice, and go forward purged.

Martin holds up Isaiah 6 as the model for confessing tongue sins: Isaiah was no drunkard or blasphemer, yet before the exalted Jehovah he cried 'I am a man of unclean lips.' God applied the coal from the altar and said 'your iniquity is purged because of the sacrifice made.' Martin urges the same posture.

even as the prophet Isaiah he was no drunken cursing bum when he had that sight of the exalted Jehovah upon the throne and he cried out I am a man of unclean lips and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips and God took a coal from the altar from the place of sacrifice and laid it upon his lips and he said your iniquity is purged because of the sacrifice made and I urge you to do so and I urge you to own your sin go to the fountain and then take your position afresh in Christ read over and pray in a passage such as Romans 6 1 to 14 I am united to Christ in Christ I died to sin sin sha...

57:37 - 59:07 Read in full sermon

The point: If a particular friendship is the context in which you most fall into gossip, graciously but directly tell that person you have dealt with God about this sin and ask whether they will commit to helping you guard your spe…

Martin gives an exact script for severing a friendship whose bond is talebearing: 'John/Mary, I have had dealings with God. My conversations with you have left me vulnerable to gossipy, meddlesome, intrusive talebearing speech. I am determined to deal with this sin - are you determined to help me?' If not, then 'goodbye.' No friendship is worth dishonoring the Lord.

have left me vulnerable and I have to gossipy meddlesome intrusive tale-bearing speech I've had dealings with God on December the 15th 2002 and I'm determined to deal with this sin are you determined to help me oh well you just sorry goodbye goodbye no friendship is worth dishonoring my Lord and grieving the spirit but I go home today and say Lord after telling and pouring my heart out I fear they'll just go on loving your friends more than loving a holy one company not with him that opens wide his lips that's a command with those that indulge this sin and leave you vulnerable to indulge it wi...

59:07 - 60:36 Read in full sermon

The point: Adopt the discipline of praying before and after extended telephone conversations - asking God to keep the talk edifying and thanking him afterward - as a sanctifying check on the tongue.

Martin recommends a specific discipline: when calling, say before the conversation begins 'before we talk, let us pray that God will keep us from gossip'; then at the end, one person leads in prayer thanking God for edifying conversation. He testifies this practice has been 'tremendously sanctifying' in his own life, since knowing he must pray at the end keeps him accountable throughout.

the next time and when we're done talking one of us will lead in prayer and thank God for his help that we've spoken that which is unto edification oh you say pastor that's extreme is it is it extreme is it extreme to pray is it extreme to watch my bible says watch and pray that you enter not into temptation I have found it to be a tremendously sanctifying thing since several years ago I started determining that as a general rule I'm going to pray with anyone with whom I have any extensive conversation on the phone at the end of that conversation and just knowing all the way through I'm going ...

60:36 - 62:04 Read in full sermon