Golden Rule and the Use of Your Tongue

Driving home: Jesus didn't give us the golden rule dropped down on a sky hook. It came to us embedded in a continuity of thought.

Martin describes people who extract the Golden Rule from the Sermon on the Mount and declare 'my religion is the religion of the golden rule — I want no theology, no cross, no sin and repentance,' using this as a foil to show the text cannot be ripped from its vertical context.

now then a brief exposition of the golden rule Matthew 7 and verse 12 all things therefore whatsoever you would that men should do unto you even so you also unto them for this is the law and the prophets now as we attempt to understand the basic significance and meaning of this verse we must never never divorce it from the overall context of the Sermon on the Mount there are many people who dip right down into this concluding section of the Sermon on the Mount extract the golden rule and they say my religion is the religion of the golden rule. I want no theology. I want no cross. I want no tal...

6:27 - 7:24 Read in full sermon

Driving home: Jesus didn't give us the golden rule dropped down on a sky hook. It came to us embedded in a continuity of thought.

Martin says Jesus didn't give us the golden rule 'dropped down on a sky hook' — it came embedded in a continuity of thought in the Sermon on the Mount.

I want the simple religion of the golden rule. Well, Jesus didn't give us the golden rule dropped down on a sky hook. It came to us embedded in a continuity of thought. And if anything is clear in the Sermon on the Mount, it is clear that true religion is a matter of the heart in its relationship to God.

7:24 - 7:45 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin reads and expounds Matthew 7:12, warning against extracting the Golden Rule from its Sermon on the Mount context, showing it is the horizontal face of the great commandment…

Martin elaborates the Golden Rule as a two-step process: first stand where your neighbor is, in his shoes, in his territory, in his circumstances, asking how you would wish to be treated; then come back out and do exactly that to him.

Jesus said, having stood where he is, in his shoes, in his territory, in his circumstances, then come back out, come out here and do exactly to him what you wish he would do for you if you were where he is. You see it? As you would that others do unto you, even so do you also unto them. To love your neighbor as yourself means that when put in his situation and circumstances, you do to him exactly what you would desire him to do to you and for you.

12:06 - 12:43 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin reads and expounds Matthew 7:12, warning against extracting the Golden Rule from its Sermon on the Mount context, showing it is the horizontal face of the great commandment…

Martin illustrates the universal ethical sense the Golden Rule appeals to by picturing a foul-mouthed, cursing reprobate who explodes in indignation when someone cuts him off at a highway toll booth — even he knows what is in his own best interest.

For you in your own best interest. Now the text obviously assumes that there is a legitimate self-love, a disposition to self-preservation. And it's amazing that even in unconverted, unregenerate, and in many ways highly profligate people, they know what's in their own best interest and they have a keen ethical and moral sense when someone violates it. A man may be a foul-mouthed, cursing, lying reprobate, but you let someone cut him off on the highway when he's pulling up to a toll booth and out come all his expletives and the rest.

12:43 - 13:25 Read in full sermon

In this part of the sermon: Martin reads and expounds Matthew 7:12, warning against extracting the Golden Rule from its Sermon on the Mount context, showing it is the horizontal face of the great commandment…

Martin reads a summary statement from Dr. Lloyd-Jones's commentary on the Sermon on the Mount, in which Lloyd-Jones describes the method of self-examination the rule requires: make a list of your likes and dislikes, work them out in detail in deeds and thoughts and speech, then apply them to others who are made of the same stuff.

What an extraordinary and remarkable statement this is. It is nothing of course, but an epitome of the commandments which our Lord has summed up elsewhere in the words, Love your neighbor as yourself. He's really saying that if you're in trouble at all as to how you should deal with others and behave with respect to them, this is how you should act. You do not start, I'm sorry, yes, you do not start with the other person, you start by asking yourself, What is it?

14:14 - 14:43 Read in full sermon

The point: When someone who loves you wants to communicate and share your burden, refusing to open up is a form of cruelty and a violation of the Golden Rule. Subject your temperament to the law of God.

Martin describes the pain of longing to share someone's burden and being shut out as 'a form of unrequited love' — you want nothing from them, you simply want to serve them, and they won't let you.

How do you feel? How do you feel? Do you know anything of that feeling? The frustration, the hurt, the pain, it's a form of unrequited love. You don't want anything from them. You simply want to serve them in love and they won't let you. How frustrating it is. How discouraging. As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. Ah, but you say it isn't like me, the cherub. It doesn't make a bit of difference. Jesus doesn't say, as you would do to others, if you feel like it, if it's your temperament, if it comes naturally. This is the law ...

18:25 - 19:21 Read in full sermon

The point: When someone who loves you wants to communicate and share your burden, refusing to open up is a form of cruelty and a violation of the Golden Rule. Subject your temperament to the law of God.

Martin paints the picture of a loving, submissive wife whose distressed husband retreats behind a book, the TV, or tinkering with his car rather than communicating — her heart bleeds while he never applies the Golden Rule.

Pastor, why are you so worked up? Because it's a form of cruelty. Dear loving wife, who wants to share the burdens of her husband, she wants to enter in and sympathetically share with him the complications at work, to share with him the perplexity of how to juggle all of these brands of his responsibilities as her head and head of the household and provider. And she senses he's distressed and with her loving, submissive, godly, grace-touched heart, she wants this man to communicate and he won't do it. He just goes off and sits hidden behind a book or hidden in front of his TV or hidden out. Ti...

19:46 - 21:15 Read in full sermon

The point: When someone comes to you and asks whether they have offended you, do not clam up. Communicate — because that is what you would want them to do if the roles were reversed.

Martin describes approaching someone with evident hurt, saying 'I sense there's some kind of a wall, have I done something to offend you?' — baring yourself in vulnerability — and then being refused any explanation, finding out later or never finding out at all.

For this is the law and the prophets. When God has put it into your heart to live in harmony and peace with his people, and you sense that that harmony is fractured, and with all your heart you want to see it mended, and you take the steps the Bible says you should take, but the person won't communicate and tell you where you've offended them, or at least where in their judgment you've offended them, so the issues can be set right. The pain it causes you. Well, don't you cause that pain to anyone else?

21:45 - 22:15 Read in full sermon

The point: Speak words of genuine appreciation to those who serve you. A simple acknowledgment of what someone has done for you out of love is not optional — it is what the Golden Rule demands.

Martin illustrates the desire for simple appreciation by picturing children who clean the kitchen while mom is shopping, wanting nothing more than for her to notice, put them on her knee, squeeze them, and say 'that pleases mommy.'

That's all you want. You know what that is? Say you kids, mom's gone out shopping and you know that it would really tickle her if all you did was maybe clean up the kitchen a little bit and wash up the dishes. And you did it.

23:29 - 23:42 Read in full sermon

The point: Husbands, verbally recognize and express gratitude for your wife's domestic service. She does it as unto the Lord, but she also longs to know you have seen it and are thankful.

Martin says being ignored after doing something out of love for another is not a slap in the face with a hand (which bespeaks anger) but like a slap in the face with a wet noodle — dismissive indifference that stings without passion.

How do you feel? Come on, be honest. How do you feel? It's like a slap in the face with a wet noodle.

24:34 - 24:41 Read in full sermon

The point: Husbands, verbally recognize and express gratitude for your wife's domestic service. She does it as unto the Lord, but she also longs to know you have seen it and are thankful.

Martin addresses husbands directly, describing a godly wife's endless round of cooking meals, washing clothes, changing sheets — done as unto her Lord — and asking what she simply wants: the knowledge that her husband has noticed and is thankful.

You men, what does a godly wife want from you? With that endless round of cooking meals, and washing your dirty clothes, and changing the sheets on the bed, and all of the mundane things she does, as unto her Lord, capital L, and unto her Lord, little l.

25:10 - 25:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Husbands, verbally recognize and express gratitude for your wife's domestic service. She does it as unto the Lord, but she also longs to know you have seen it and are thankful.

Martin recalls Jesus's story of the ten lepers healed, only one of whom stopped to return and give thanks, using it to press the congregation on how they feel when denied even that little word of gratitude.

You remember Jesus told the story of the ten lepers who were healed? Only one stopped long enough to go back and say thank you. To go back and say thank you. Oh, you say it's such a little thing.

25:52 - 26:07 Read in full sermon

The point: When a brother, sister, spouse, or child comes to you in genuine repentance, give them the two things they most need: a clear verbal assurance that they are freely and fully forgiven, and that the matter is buried and fo…

Martin describes the situation of having truly been broken before God over a sin against a family member or friend, then going to the person and saying 'will you forgive me?' — and receiving only a mumble or cold silence rather than a clear verbal assurance of forgiveness and that the matter is buried.

How do you feel when you know you've wronged a brother or sister, father, mother, husband or wife, and you've sought their forgiveness and they will not give you the two things you most desperately want when you've gone in true repentance? A verbal assurance that they are freely and fully forgiven and a verbal assurance that the issue, that the issue is buried and forgotten, not stuck in the closet to be dragged out with all the other things the next time you've moved. Now let me ask you, how do you feel when you have truly been broken before God? That angry word you said to your wife, that in...

26:28 - 27:56 Read in full sermon

The point: When a brother, sister, spouse, or child comes to you in genuine repentance, give them the two things they most need: a clear verbal assurance that they are freely and fully forgiven, and that the matter is buried and fo…

Martin calls it one of the greatest privileges of the Christian life to be 'a little mirror of God's forgiveness,' reflecting through verbal, joyful forgiveness the same free grace God extends to us in Christ.

How many times have I gone to God and he holds it against me no more? He's buried it in the sea of his forgetfulness. What a joy to mirror something of God's free forgiveness. Do you do that?

29:47 - 30:03 Read in full sermon

The point: Verbalize forgiveness — your spouse, children, and friends cannot read your heart. Just as God has revealed his forgiveness in words, you must speak yours.

Martin asks who in the room knows what he is thinking at that very moment, then reveals the specific thought was 'the clock says five minutes after seven' — using this to press that thoughts must be verbalized; our spouses and children cannot read our hearts.

God knows. And I know it happened to be, so I could say there was a specific thought, that the clock says five minutes after seven. But now you didn't know the thoughts that were in me until I verbalized them. Who knoweth the things of a man save the spirit of a man which is in him?

30:23 - 30:41 Read in full sermon

The point: Parents, when a child comes broken and repentant, do not make them serve a penance of three days of grousing. Reflect the father in the parable of the prodigal — give an immediate, warm, verbal welcome.

Martin alludes to the parable of the prodigal son's father, pressing parents not to make a repentant child do penance for three days before receiving forgiveness, but rather to reflect the God who ran to meet his son the moment he returned broken.

Don't you go grousing around for three days and make them do some kind of penance. You reflect the God who reflects his own likeness in a parable like the parable of the father who receives a returning prodigal. He didn't say, get your act together and behave yourself for six months and then I'll see if I'll take it back. God didn't do that with you, my friend, and thank God he didn't do it with me.

31:21 - 31:45 Read in full sermon

Driving home: When you speak that word in season in the language of the prophet Isaiah, to him that is weary, just a word, behold what that word means.

Martin describes someone in an extended trial longing not for everyone to stop and bow at the shrine of their problem, but simply for a brother or sister to say 'I feel with you, I'm standing with you, I'm praying for you.'

Apply the golden rule to this matter of when you communicate. Let me take another category or another example of the when. How do you feel when you're passing through a deep trial and you're longing for just some word of assurance that others who know of your trial, though helpless to do anything but pray for you, you long for some little word of assurance that they're caring, that they're sharing the burden with you. Just a word, just a touch on the shoulder.

31:56 - 32:32 Read in full sermon

The point: When brothers and sisters are confined through illness or trial, send cards and notes. Do not say such things mean nothing — to the afflicted, every piece of mail is a living bond of love.

Martin draws on pastoral experience of extended illness to insist that every card and note received during confinement is a living bond between the sufferer and those who love them — no one should say such things mean nothing.

Every day when the mail comes and you're confined to your home, that's a living bond between you and those who love you. You will not know how those who are afflicted cherish the little note, the little card, the little expression as you would that others do. As you would that others do to you, even so do ye also unto them. Well, I could go on and perhaps show others, but I trust these are enough specimen things that touch the real world in which we all live to see how vital is the golden rule applied to our tongues.

33:59 - 34:35 Read in full sermon

The point: Apply Ephesians 4:25 — putting away falsehood, speak truth to one another. Saying 'nothing is bothering me' when clearly something is constitutes a lie, not a polite response.

Martin recalls vividly the crushing feeling of discovering the first time his children's unregenerate hearts showed themselves in lying — describing it as feeling 'utterly and absolutely crushed' like the end of the world — to press how devastating it is to be lied to.

God willing, one of these days, I want to preach a sermon on the sanctity of truth, and deal with the whole subject of lying and the prominent place that it is given in the word of God, but suffice it to say for tonight, think for a moment, when do you feel some of your deepest indignation as a human being, even as a Christian? Is it not when you discover that someone has willfully, deliberately lied to you? It's one of the most powerful, one of the most crippling blows that someone can lay upon us in terms of despising what we are, as image bearers of God, is when they deliberately, willfully...

37:10 - 38:29 Read in full sermon

The point: Apply Ephesians 4:25 — putting away falsehood, speak truth to one another. Saying 'nothing is bothering me' when clearly something is constitutes a lie, not a polite response.

Martin argues that answering 'oh no, nothing's bothering me' when clearly something is — face falling, demeanor communicating distress — is not a polite put-off but an outright lie, and shows how legitimate it is to say 'yes, something's bothering me, but give me an hour to sort out how to express it.'

That's a lie. That's not a polite put-off. That's a lie! You know, you have the prerogative to say, even to a husband or wife, to a son or daughter, the most intimate relationship and then the less intimate relationship, yes my brother, yes my sister, yes my dear, yes my son, yes mom, yes dad, yes everything's bothering me, but would you give me a few minutes?

39:04 - 39:27 Read in full sermon

The point: Children, it is far better to tell the truth and face the consequences than to lie and fracture your relationship with your parents. The broken trust is far worse than any punishment.

Martin paints the comic and convicting scene of a husband arriving home visibly dejected, then denying anything is wrong when his wife asks — illustrating how obvious untruth masquerades as a polite response.

No, nothing's bothering me. Well, you don't need to be God to know she's lying. It's written all over her face. Husband comes home, his chin dragging on the floor like canes.

40:07 - 40:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Children, it is far better to tell the truth and face the consequences than to lie and fracture your relationship with your parents. The broken trust is far worse than any punishment.

Martin addresses children directly: it is far better to have your bottom warmed (a spanking) for telling the truth than to have the whole relationship with mom and dad clouded by a lie, because lying makes it impossible to look them in the eye afterward.

It's far better to bear shame and reproach than to have the breach of broken trust by telling a lie. Listen to me, kids. It's far better to have your bottom warned than to have your whole relationship with mom and dad clouded with a lie. Because you know what happens when you lie to mom and dad?

41:00 - 41:23 Read in full sermon

The point: Apply the Golden Rule not only to whether you tell the truth, but to when and how: speak appropriate words at the appropriate time, sensitive to your neighbor's present situation.

Martin sketches a wife who has been changing diapers and chasing children all day, barely holding on, just as her husband walks in and announces he was fired. The illustration shows that truth-telling without contextual sensitivity violates the what and the how simultaneously.

She's at home. She's been changing diapers and chasing kids around and romping bottoms all day long. And her husband comes through the door and she's just about out of her tree. And he's going to tell her the truth.

42:41 - 42:52 Read in full sermon

The point: When you must rebuke, discipline, or correct someone — even when they are genuinely wrong — do it graciously. Rash speech that pierces like a sword violates the Golden Rule regardless of the content's accuracy.

Martin gives the example of a parent who rebukes a child not graciously but with 'You dummy, have you done that again?' — citing Proverbs 12:18 that such rash speech is like the piercings of a sword and leaves wounds in young lives that others later have to sort out.

They didn't rebuke graciously. They didn't discipline graciously. You dummy, have you done that again? And they demeaned and battered the soul and pierced the spirit of that precious young life.

44:39 - 44:53 Read in full sermon

The point: When you must rebuke, discipline, or correct someone — even when they are genuinely wrong — do it graciously. Rash speech that pierces like a sword violates the Golden Rule regardless of the content's accuracy.

Martin describes a husband who brings up a legitimate matter but frames it in a manner so perfectly calculated to draw out his wife's remaining corruption that her carnal response is almost inevitable — contrasting this with a soft answer that would have turned away wrath.

The Bible says in Proverbs 15, 1, A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up strife. A husband comes to his wife and says, Now there's a matter I want to talk to you about. And he could not calculate a better way to elicit a carnal response from her. It may be a very legitimate thing, but the manner how he speaks could not be more calculated to draw out her remaining corruption than the way in which he approaches it.

45:39 - 46:13 Read in full sermon

The point: If your speech is disciplined by the Spirit applying the Golden Rule to your tongue, innuendo, sarcasm, needling, and ridicule will have no place in your communication. These vices cannot coexist with obedience to Matthe…

Martin lists four specific failures of gracious speech — innuendo (backdoor suggestions instead of forthright honesty), sarcasm (putting down), needling (targeting faults or abnormalities), and ridicule — arguing all four are ruled out by the Golden Rule because no one would want to be treated that way.

Innuendo, making suggestions about things, not being man or woman enough in a gracious way to be upfront and say this is a matter that little suggestions round the back door. Innuendo, sarcasm, putting someone down in a sarcastic manner, needling, focusing on someone's faults, focusing on someone's physical characteristics that either we don't like or that are a bit abnormal and needling about them or personality characteristics and then ridicule. None of us, unless something is snapped in our minds, likes to stand before anyone speaking to us and heaping upon us innuendo, sarcasm, needling, a...

47:59 - 49:02 Read in full sermon

The point: If your speech is disciplined by the Spirit applying the Golden Rule to your tongue, innuendo, sarcasm, needling, and ridicule will have no place in your communication. These vices cannot coexist with obedience to Matthe…

Martin distinguishes innocent kidding in a secure relationship — where both parties are strengthened afterward — from hurtful needling that fractures an already tenuous relationship, giving as the test: if she goes off crying when you're done, it was not innocent needling.

One of the ways people can show they're very secure in a relationship is innocent kidding. It's not needling. But you know it's innocent because their relationship is strengthened when it's all over. That's how you can test.

49:02 - 49:17 Read in full sermon

The point: Use the Golden Rule as a mirror: if you discover you cannot keep it, that discovery may be the most accurate thing you have ever learned about yourself. The natural heart needs a new birth before it can love its neighbor…

Martin shares a personal anecdote: a woman plowed into his wife's 1977 Matador and admitted fault. One repair shop estimated $818; another offered $315. The Golden Rule came to mind, and Martin settled for $315 — surrendering the opportunity to demand full recovery for a 'hump of tin' soon for the junkyard, choosing to display the grace of Christ instead.

And I tell you, this comes pretty close to home. It's not with regard to speech, but I had it hit me this week with regard to the bump sender. In our 77 Matador, some woman plowed right into my wife. No question it was her fault.

52:34 - 52:48 Read in full sermon

The point: The new heart given in regeneration — purchased by Christ's atoning work — sets believers with all their hearts to walk by the Golden Rule, not to gain salvation but out of love for the One who perfectly kept it on their…

Martin closes the car anecdote with a gospel parallel: he is glad the Lord Jesus let somebody run over him — the juggernaut of God's wrath, at the hands of wicked men — because without that, there would be no Savior.

If you're out for your pound of flesh, you're a worldly, carnal, godless man. And the sooner you pace it, the better. They took joyfully the spoiling of their goods, it says, knowing they had a better inheritance. You say you're letting someone run over you.

54:00 - 54:22 Read in full sermon