Golden Rule and the Use of Your Tongue

Opening Prayer

0:08 Now let us again bow in the presence of God and confess to the Lord in prayer what we have acknowledged in the singing of this hymn. We have met to hear the voice of Christ, but that we cannot hear his voice through the word unless the Spirit comes to drive the darkness from our minds and the dullness from our hearts. Let us cry to God that he would do that in the hour to come. Our Father, we would consciously and corporately own our native darkness of mind and slowness of heart to remember the words of Jesus to some of his own disciples, O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that is written. We confess our folly and slowness of heart and would even now cry to you for copious men and the treasures of the Holy Spirit that our folly may be turned to holy wisdom and that our slowness of heart may be transformed into a quickness of heart to grasp in faith and to submit in obedience to all that your word says. As we come again to this vital area of practical Christian experience, the use of our tongues, O Lord, we do acknowledge

1:38 that we are not only that every beast and animal has been tamed but the tongue can no man tame. But, O our God, we believe that you can tame this unruly member and make it subject to the principles of your holy law and to the dynamics of your mighty grace. Hear us then and meet us in this time of study in your holy word and may we sense the arrows of your truth finding their way to you. Amen.

2:09 And may we in obedience to your voice respond in faith this night. Amen.

Introduction: Context and Series Overview

2:23 Now, some of you will remember that on the last Lord's Day before I was set aside through illness in Pastor Nichols' absence it was my privilege to teach the adult Sunday school class. And on that occasion I set before you some biblical materials under the general title a rather lengthy one An Introduction and Overview to the Biblical Doctrine of Verbal Communication. And I couldn't shorten the title because it would have been inaccurate had I done so. And on that occasion I mentioned that recent pastoral concerns personal observations and other factors have led me to the conclusion that perhaps there are few areas in which we so desperately need the application of the word and the spirit to our practice and to our practice to our practice to our practice to our practice to our practice to our practice as the people of God than we do in this area of verbal communication. And desiring that we would see the subject in its broad biblical and theological perspective we took that Sunday school hour to lay before you some of these overarching biblical perspectives. And we contemplated God as the great model of verbal communication. And we saw that man made in his image reflected that image of God in all areas not the least of which was this aspect

3:49 of his God-given identity as a verbal communicator. And then the tragedy of sin's entrance and as we trace through some major categories of biblical revelation we noted that no little constant reminder of man's sinfulness is to be found in the use of his tongue in those categorical descriptions of fallen humanity in such passages as Mark chapter 7 and in Romans chapter 3 10 to 18 Galatians 5 19 to 21 in many of those passages the sins that are the outflow of the human heart are sins that cut a channel via the tongue. They are sins in which we employ our tongues to evil. And so it is not surprising that our Lord says by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be justified. your words you will be condemned. Well at that time I said it could well be that I might follow that with some further studies and I had so much encouragement I don't know when I've had so many people say please teach or preach some more on that subject. I feel that I

5:00 desperately need help in that area others came and said that as a result of that one study they had received such help that they wanted more and as I reflected on how best to use this Lord's Day night and God willing the next two Lord's Day evenings I felt it would be well for us to come back to this subject and as I prayerfully contemplated how to do it it's so vast a subject my mind was drawn to a text that God has used again and again in my own life in this area of verbal communication as well as many other areas and it's that text that I want to turn to tonight, briefly expound it and then apply it very specifically in several areas of this aspect of Christian life and experience namely verbal communication so the title of our study tonight is the golden rule and verbal communication and of course the golden rule is found in Matthew chapter 7 and verse 12 and we're considering the golden rule and verbal communication and since verbal communication involves basically two things a tongue and an ear we're going to examine tonight verbal communication in the light of the golden rule particularly as it pertains to the tongue and God willing next week as it pertains to the ear so tonight we have the golden rule and the use of your tongue

Expounding the Golden Rule: Matthew 7:12

6:27 now then a brief exposition of the golden rule Matthew 7 and verse 12 all things therefore whatsoever you would that men should do unto you even so you also unto them for this is the law and the prophets now as we attempt to understand the basic significance and meaning of this verse we must never never divorce it from the overall context of the Sermon on the Mount there are many people who dip right down into this concluding section of the Sermon on the Mount extract the golden rule and they say my religion is the religion of the golden rule. I want no theology. I want no cross. I want no talk about sin and repentance and faith and redemption and justification and holiness.

7:24 I want the simple religion of the golden rule. Well, Jesus didn't give us the golden rule dropped down on a sky hook. It came to us embedded in a continuity of thought. And if anything is clear in the Sermon on the Mount, it is clear that true religion is a matter of the heart in its relationship to God.

7:46 You can never find true religion on a simply horizontal level. Now this verse is filled with the emphasis of the horizontal. As you would that men should do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. But it comes to us in an overall context in which the essence of true religion is a matter of the heart's relationship to the true and living God and out of that relationship a life conformed to the law of God before God and before men.

8:21 And so just that word of caution that as we come to the text, though we are going to examine what it says, particularly with its emphasis upon our horizontal relationships, never think for a moment that we can possibly begin to work out the principles of this text unless we know something of the reality of a heart experience of the grace of God unless we know what it is to be in communion with God through His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord. But with respect to our horizontal obligations, Jesus says that this particular axiom, this golden rule, is a summation of the entire ethical and moral demands of the whole Old Testament. When he says, for this is the law and the prophets, what he is saying is this, that in this little axiom, this little rule, as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, we have the common denominator of all of the ethical and moral demands of the law and the prophets, that is, the entire Old Testament. But someone who has a little acquaintance with his Bible says, Pastor, I thought that the law, and the prophets, all hung on the two great commands.

9:46 I thought, and you'd think rightly if that's what you're thinking, that Jesus said when asked the question, what is the great commandment, I read now from Matthew 22 and verse 35, Matthew 22, 35, and one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question, trying him, teacher, which is the great commandment in the law? And he said unto them, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, this is the great and first commandment, and a second like unto it is this, you shall love your neighbor as yourself on these two commandments, the whole law hangeth and the prophets. Well, is there contradiction? Jesus said, as you would that others do to you, even so do to them, for this is the law and the prophets, and yet a few chapters later we find him saying, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself on these two commandments, hang all the law and the prophets. Well, there's no contradiction. The passage in Matthew 22 takes in the vertical as well as the horizontal demands of God's law. The latter, the responsibility to love our neighbor as ourselves, is just differently stated by our Lord here in Matthew 7, 12.

11:10 Matthew 7, 12, is a different way of stating what it means to love your neighbor as yourself. And if you love your neighbor as yourself, you will, in every situation, seek to put yourself in precisely his set of circumstances and ask this question. If I were in his set of circumstances surrounded with all of the factors that surround him, with all of the factors within him that I'm aware of, what would I want someone to do? What would I want someone to do to me?

11:44 What would I want someone to say to me? What would I not want them to do to me? What would I not want them to say to me? Well, Jesus said, having put yourself in your neighbor's shoes on his territory, in his circumstances, and asking the question, how would I be treated in that situation, in my own best self-interest?

12:06 Jesus said, having stood where he is, in his shoes, in his territory, in his circumstances, then come back out, come out here and do exactly to him what you wish he would do for you if you were where he is. You see it? As you would that others do unto you, even so do you also unto them. To love your neighbor as yourself means that when put in his situation and circumstances, you do to him exactly what you would desire him to do to you and for you.

12:43 For you in your own best interest. Now the text obviously assumes that there is a legitimate self-love, a disposition to self-preservation. And it's amazing that even in unconverted, unregenerate, and in many ways highly profligate people, they know what's in their own best interest and they have a keen ethical and moral sense when someone violates it. A man may be a foul-mouthed, cursing, lying reprobate, but you let someone cut him off on the highway when he's pulling up to a toll booth and out come all his expletives and the rest.

13:25 Who is that guy to take away my lane? Well, he has a sense of what's right, doesn't he? Doesn't he? You see, even in his foul-mouthed, reprobate, abandoned state, he has a keen sense of what is in his own best interest.

13:42 And our Lord is appealing to that, very fundamental, ethical consciousness in which we cannot help make judgments upon others when they wrong us. And Jesus says, as you would that others do to you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. Let me read a summary statement of Dr. Lloyd-Jones commenting on this passage in which he brings together some of the thoughts that I've already expressed and states them a little differently.

14:14 What an extraordinary and remarkable statement this is. It is nothing of course, but an epitome of the commandments which our Lord has summed up elsewhere in the words, Love your neighbor as yourself. He's really saying that if you're in trouble at all as to how you should deal with others and behave with respect to them, this is how you should act. You do not start, I'm sorry, yes, you do not start with the other person, you start by asking yourself, What is it?

14:43 is it I like? What are the things that please me? What are the things that help and encourage me? Then you ask yourself, what are the things I dislike? What are the things that upset me and bring out the worst in me? What are the things that are hateful to me and discouraging to me? You make a list of both these things, your likes and dislikes. You work them out in detail, not only in deeds, but in thoughts and in speech, with respect to the whole of your life and activities. What do I like? People to think about me. What is it that tends to hurt me? And then Dr. Lloyd-Jones goes on to say, having done that, then you say, all right, people are made of the same stuff of which I am made. And the things that hurt me and grieve me hurt and grieve them. The things that I like, they like in terms

15:35 of the general structure of what God has made us as social beings and creatures in His own image. When we've thought through that matter, then, as we would that others do unto us, even so we are to do to them, for this is the law and the prophets. Well then, so much for that brief exposition of the text. Now I want to begin to make specific application of the golden rule to the use of our tongues. Specific application of the golden rule to the use of our tongues. When I began to write down the many ways in which the golden rule ought to apply to the use of our tongues, I was hard-pressed to find some organizing principle. How can I organize and collate all of these things? And I'm not entirely satisfied with what I've come up with, but it's the best that I have and the hour to preach came, so I had to use what was at hand with reference to these three things. The when we speak to others, the what

Application Overview: Three Headings

16:41 we speak to others, and the how we speak to others. Subtitles by the Amara.org community We're going to take specific examples under each of these three headings, give a bit of a description of it, and then apply the text. And if nothing else, by the end of this night, I hope you'll hear the text ringing in your ears because you're going to hear it at least a dozen times tonight quoted in your hearing. First of all, when we speak to others, how do you feel when you desperately want someone to communicate to you and they won't? You sense that a person is troubled and you desire to communicate to them. You sense that a person is troubled and you desire to communicate to them. You have a desire to enter in and bear their burden. The Bible says, bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. And your heart has already shouldered the burden of your brother, your sister, your wife, your husband, your son, your daughter, that friend, that fellow church member. Your heart has already been given over in principled Christian love to bear their burden. And you sense that something is distressing them. And not as a busybody, not as someone who's

When We Speak: Refusing to Communicate When Burdened

17:45 nosy, who under the guise of saying, I'm going to go to church, I'm going to go to church, I'm going to go to church, I want to pray for you, just wants more information. I'm not talking about that sickening kind of carnality. I'm talking about a genuine God-given grace, wrong desire to bear another person's burden. God in grace has given you a heart for that brother, that sister, that husband, wife, son or daughter, father, mother, uncle, whoever it is. Now, how do you feel when you long to share that burden and you make it evident that you do and you put out the signals that you want them to communicate the concern and they won't talk? How do you feel?

18:25 How do you feel? How do you feel? Do you know anything of that feeling? The frustration, the hurt, the pain, it's a form of unrequited love. You don't want anything from them. You simply want to serve them in love and they won't let you. How frustrating it is. How discouraging. As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. Ah, but you say it isn't like me, the cherub. It doesn't make a bit of difference. Jesus doesn't say, as you would do to others, if you feel like it, if it's your temperament, if it comes naturally. This is the law and the prophets. And you've got to submit. You've got to submit. You've got to submit. You've got to submit. You've got to submit.

19:21 Subject your temperament to the law of God in the power of the Holy Ghost. Subject your feelings to the law of God. Copping out is not my temperament. I'm a closed person. Rubbish. God commands it.

19:46 Pastor, why are you so worked up? Because it's a form of cruelty. Dear loving wife, who wants to share the burdens of her husband, she wants to enter in and sympathetically share with him the complications at work, to share with him the perplexity of how to juggle all of these brands of his responsibilities as her head and head of the household and provider. And she senses he's distressed and with her loving, submissive, godly, grace-touched heart, she wants this man to communicate and he won't do it. He just goes off and sits hidden behind a book or hidden in front of his TV or hidden out. Tinkering with his car and her heart bleeds. He never stops to think, as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. Think of those situations where you sense there's a cloud, a wall with a brother, a sister, a friend, a parent, a child, husband, wife, and you come and you say, dear son, daughter, mom, dad, brother, so-and-so, sister, so-and-so, I sense there's some kind of a wall, have I done something to offend you? What have you done? You've come

21:15 willing to face anything you've done wrong, and you bared yourself and said, is there anything troubling me? And they won't tell you. How do you feel when you find out later? They didn't tell you.

21:26 Or, maybe you'll never find out, you're just convinced a wall is there and you sense it and it's evident. How do you feel when they won't communicate? You say, I feel pain, I feel grief, I know the holy spirit is grief. that others do unto you, even so do he also unto them.

21:45 For this is the law and the prophets. When God has put it into your heart to live in harmony and peace with his people, and you sense that that harmony is fractured, and with all your heart you want to see it mended, and you take the steps the Bible says you should take, but the person won't communicate and tell you where you've offended them, or at least where in their judgment you've offended them, so the issues can be set right. The pain it causes you. Well, don't you cause that pain to anyone else?

22:15 When someone comes and looks you in the eye and says, brother, sister, dear, son, daughter, mom, dad, whoever you are, whatever the relationship, have I done something to offend you? Don't you clam up?

22:29 Communicate. Communicate. Why? As you would that others do unto you, do ye also unto them.

When We Speak: Withholding Appreciation

22:38 Amen. For this, is the law and the prophets. Think of the situation under which we communicate. How do you feel when you've really sought to please someone, and all you long for, next to the approbation of your Lord in the last day, for he will not forget even the cup of cold water given in his name, is that the person you've done it for out of selfless love will just recognize and give a word of genuine appreciation.

23:08 You don't want to be made a hero or a heroine. You don't want to be put on somebody's all-star role. And you don't want a dozen freshly cut long-stemmed roses. All you want is some acknowledgement that he or she has recognized your love offering and is pleased with it.

23:29 That's all you want. You know what that is? Say you kids, mom's gone out shopping and you know that it would really tickle her if all you did was maybe clean up the kitchen a little bit and wash up the dishes. And you did it.

23:42 Why? To please mommy and daddy. You don't want them to tell the pastor and have an announcement made Sunday morning, do you know that so-and-so did the dishes without being asked? All you want is for mom and dad to notice it, pop you up on the knee and give you a squeeze and say, that pleases mommy.

24:00 Thank you for showing your love. That's all you want. And then you're just happy for a whole day and a half, right? Sure.

24:06 Just recognition and simple words of appreciation. Now, how do you feel in those situations when that would have been the capstone of the joy you had in doing what you did as unto the Lord but to please a fellow human being? Husband, wife, son, daughter, mom, dad, brother, sister, whatever the relationship. How do you feel when you don't even know from their words that they've recognized what you did, let alone whether they've appreciated it?

24:34 How do you feel? Come on, be honest. How do you feel? It's like a slap in the face with a wet noodle.

24:42 It's not a slap in the face with a hand. It either bespeaks anger or an attitude of despising, but it's like a slap in the face with a wet noodle.

24:53 Isn't it? You like that feeling? Anybody here like it?

24:58 As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets.

25:10 You men, what does a godly wife want from you? With that endless round of cooking meals, and washing your dirty clothes, and changing the sheets on the bed, and all of the mundane things she does, as unto her Lord, capital L, and unto her Lord, little l.

25:31 What does she want? Well, ultimately she wants the smile and approbation of her heavenly Father and of her Lord Jesus, well done, good and faithful servant. Is it wrong for her to want at least the knowledge that you've recognized that she does this, and that you've recognized that you're thankful? Oh, that is not wrong.

25:52 You remember Jesus told the story of the ten lepers who were healed? Only one stopped long enough to go back and say thank you. To go back and say thank you. Oh, you say it's such a little thing.

26:07 Yeah, it is. But how do you feel when you're denied that little thing? How do you feel when you're denied that little thing?

26:14 You like it? No. Well, as you would that others do to you, even so do ye also unto them, for this, this is the law and the prophets. Another area under the when we speak to others.

When We Speak: Verbal Forgiveness and Its Mirror of God

26:28 How do you feel when you know you've wronged a brother or sister, father, mother, husband or wife, and you've sought their forgiveness and they will not give you the two things you most desperately want when you've gone in true repentance? A verbal assurance that they are freely and fully forgiven and a verbal assurance that the issue, that the issue is buried and forgotten, not stuck in the closet to be dragged out with all the other things the next time you've moved. Now let me ask you, how do you feel when you have truly been broken before God? That angry word you said to your wife, that insubmissive word you said to your husband, that lie you told your mom or dad, that thing you did to a brother or sister, perhaps even carelessly and sometimes willfully, and God has broken your heart and you've gone into your closet and said, oh God, for Jesus Christ's sake, forgive my sin. And you've pleaded His promise, if we confess our sins, He's faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness and you come out of the place of prayer or perhaps from the sink or wherever it is, you don't need to go off into a closet to confess your sins, sometimes there isn't the opportunity to.

27:56 But you've dealt with your sin before God and fresh with the fragrance of His forgiving grace, you've gone to the person you've wronged and said, I'm sorry I've wronged you, will you forgive me? And they just mumble and say, what do you fear then? I'm sorry I didn't hear you, I've acknowledged my sin, I make no excuse for my sin, will you forgive me? How do you feel?

28:26 Think of it for a minute, Christian, how do you feel? When there's anything less than an appropriate response, if it's a wife or a husband taking you into the arms, a gentle love tap, whatever it is, some expression, dear, I do freely, unreservedly forgive and by God's grace the issue is forgotten and buried. It's a terrible thing to go around knowing God's forgiven, but the person, the fellow sinner, the fellow creature, will not verbalize, the forgiveness as you would that others do unto you. Even so, do ye also unto them. To me, one of the greatest privileges as a Christian is to be a little mirror of God's forgiveness. And to me, few things are a more delightful Christian duty than to obey Ephesians 4.32.

29:25 Be kind, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you. And when a brother or sister says, forgive me for this, as it's appropriate, to take him in my arms and say, my brother, my sister, I forgive you with joy. You mean you're not going to hold it against me? How can I?

29:47 How many times have I gone to God and he holds it against me no more? He's buried it in the sea of his forgetfulness. What a joy to mirror something of God's free forgiveness. Do you do that?

30:03 Do you verbalize it? I can't read your heart. Who knoweth the things of a man save the spirit of a man which is in him? Who knows what I'm thinking right now but God in me?

30:14 Anyone here know what I'm thinking right now? Right now. What thought is there right in my mind right now? Do you know?

30:23 God knows. And I know it happened to be, so I could say there was a specific thought, that the clock says five minutes after seven. But now you didn't know the thoughts that were in me until I verbalized them. Who knoweth the things of a man save the spirit of a man which is in him?

30:41 And Paul goes on to say, even so no man knows the things of God save the spirit of God. But then he says, God's revealed these things in words. God's thoughts have come out of his own infinite mind and heart and they've come in words. Your wife can't read your thoughts.

31:00 Your husband can't read your thoughts. Your kids can't read your thoughts. Oh, how vital it is, parents, that you be an accurate image-bearer of God to your children. And even when you still may be stewing over that stupid thing they did that's going to cost you hundreds of dollars or cost you personal shame, when they're broken before God and come and say, Dad, will you forgive me?

31:21 Don't you go grousing around for three days and make them do some kind of penance. You reflect the God who reflects his own likeness in a parable like the parable of the father who receives a returning prodigal. He didn't say, get your act together and behave yourself for six months and then I'll see if I'll take it back. God didn't do that with you, my friend, and thank God he didn't do it with me.

31:45 The moment you came broken, there was a welcome. There was a welcome. And we're to be like him. We're to forgive as our heavenly Father forgives.

When We Speak: Words of Comfort in Trial

31:56 Apply the golden rule to this matter of when you communicate. Let me take another category or another example of the when. How do you feel when you're passing through a deep trial and you're longing for just some word of assurance that others who know of your trial, though helpless to do anything but pray for you, you long for some little word of assurance that they're caring, that they're sharing the burden with you. Just a word, just a touch on the shoulder.

32:32 My brother, my sister, dear, son, daughter, mom, dad, I feel frustrated. There's not much I can do. I know you're going through something and I wish I could share it, but I can't. But I want you to know I feel with you.

32:46 How's that feel to you when you're passing through something and something just comes with those words? Are those words cheap? I tell you, sometimes their price is worth more than gold. When you speak that word in season in the language of the prophet Isaiah, to him that is weary, just a word, behold what that word means.

33:06 As you would that others do unto you, even so do you also unto them. When you see your brothers and sisters passing through a trial, when you are in that situation, what would you that men do to you? You don't want them to fall all over you and make you the...

33:24 No, no, your heart is too free of self to want the whole world to stop and bow at the shrine of your problem or your trial. No, you know that each man shall bear his own load. But you also know that you don't bear it alone. You're in fellowship with Christ and his people and the scripture says when one member suffers, all the members suffer with it.

33:44 And you just long for that assurance from your brethren in words. I'm standing with you. I'm praying for you. That's why those of us who come through any kind of extended illness, don't let anyone say in our presence a card and a note means nothing.

33:59 Every day when the mail comes and you're confined to your home, that's a living bond between you and those who love you. You will not know how those who are afflicted cherish the little note, the little card, the little expression as you would that others do. As you would that others do to you, even so do ye also unto them. Well, I could go on and perhaps show others, but I trust these are enough specimen things that touch the real world in which we all live to see how vital is the golden rule applied to our tongues.

34:35 Not so much in a negative way. I've tried to focus on the positive. You notice what the text says. It doesn't say, as you would that men do not do to you, so do not to them.

34:44 Well, that's implied. The negative is implied in the positive wherever you have moral directives. But it's couched in a positive way. As you would that men do to you, even so do ye to them.

34:57 This golden rule is telling you not so much how not to use your tongue, but how to use it. How to use it in a positive way. And so as we think of our relationship with each other in the body of Christ, let's pray that the golden rule will be both a prod as well as a powerful restraint upon our tongues with reference to when we speak to one another. That in our relationship as husbands and wives, that regardless of whatever diversity of temperaments we may have, and regardless of whether we are naturally loquacious or naturally reserved, we'll go down on our knees before God and say, Lord, as a husband, as a father, as a wife, as a son, as a daughter, as a mother, whatever my relationships are, Lord, this is your word. Teach me how to apply it in the concrete day-by-day experience in the circumstances in which you've placed me. Now I want to take up briefly the matter of what we speak to others. Not only does the golden rule need to be applied to our tongues with respect to when we speak to others, but what we speak to others.

What We Speak: Truth-Telling and the Sin of Lying

36:14 When someone speaks to you or about you, what do you want them to speak? Half-truths? Slander? Outright lies?

36:27 Or do you want them to speak truth? And nothing but the truth? Perhaps not necessarily all the truth, unless you've asked for that and they say you're getting that, they're getting that. Certainly you want people to take conscience or to make conscience of Ephesians 4.25.

36:46 Ephesians 4.25 Wherefore, putting away falsehood, speak ye truth, each one with his brother, for we are members one of another. Putting away falsehood, speak truth, every one with his neighbor. Have you ever stopped to think how insulted you are when you know that someone has deliberately lied to you?

37:10 God willing, one of these days, I want to preach a sermon on the sanctity of truth, and deal with the whole subject of lying and the prominent place that it is given in the word of God, but suffice it to say for tonight, think for a moment, when do you feel some of your deepest indignation as a human being, even as a Christian? Is it not when you discover that someone has willfully, deliberately lied to you? It's one of the most powerful, one of the most crippling blows that someone can lay upon us in terms of despising what we are, as image bearers of God, is when they deliberately, willfully lie to us. Don't you feel smashed and crushed when you discover someone has lied to you? Some of us as parents can remember the first time we discovered when our kids lied to us, and we felt like it was the end of the world. I can remember very, very vividly some of those times, when the first time their unregenerate hearts manifested themselves in genocide, the sanctity of truth, and I felt utterly and absolutely crushed. Some of you perhaps have been lied to as wives, as husbands.

38:29 Perhaps some of you kids have had the pain of finding out as you got older that your mom and dad lied to you, and you remember it was like the whole world came to an end. Being lied to is a terrible thing, isn't it? Isn't it a terrible thing? Someone lies to you, as you would that others do unto you.

38:51 Even so, do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. You come to someone and say, is anything bothering you? And they say, oh no. And yet it is.

39:04 That's a lie. That's not a polite put-off. That's a lie! You know, you have the prerogative to say, even to a husband or wife, to a son or daughter, the most intimate relationship and then the less intimate relationship, yes my brother, yes my sister, yes my dear, yes my son, yes mom, yes dad, yes everything's bothering me, but would you give me a few minutes?

39:27 Would you give me an hour or two to think through how I want to express what it is? I'm going to tell you, but I need some time to get my thoughts sorted out. Nothing wrong with that. That's a matter of the when.

39:39 In order that you might be more considerate of the how. Because you don't trust yourself that what you say will not only be truthful, but gracious, unless you give a little more time for your spirit to simmer down. Or to pray for a little more courage. Maybe what you've got to tell them, you know, is going to be very self-indicting.

39:57 And so you need time to pray through. All right, that's perfectly legitimate. But what I'm talking about, is this playing games? When a husband says to a wife, something's bothering you dear, isn't it?

40:07 No, nothing's bothering me. Well, you don't need to be God to know she's lying. It's written all over her face. Husband comes home, his chin dragging on the floor like canes.

40:17 Why has thy countenance fallen? Doesn't need to shave the bottom of his chin the next morning. It's all straight thought. Something's troubling you?

40:25 Something's troubling you dear, isn't it? That's a lie. Now we laugh, and perhaps I've injected a little bit of the humorous element. But don't you see that's a lie?

40:39 Something is bothering. And how do you feel when you want to enter into that, and someone doesn't speak truth to you? Well, what we speak to others must be the truth. Even though the truth hurts, even though the truth wounds, even though the truth may bring to me, great shame.

41:00 It's far better to bear shame and reproach than to have the breach of broken trust by telling a lie. Listen to me, kids. It's far better to have your bottom warned than to have your whole relationship with mom and dad clouded with a lie. Because you know what happens when you lie to mom and dad?

41:23 It's so hard to look them in the eye afterward, isn't it? Huh? Isn't it? When you lie to mom and dad, it's so hard to look them in the eye, because their eyes are so trusting.

41:34 And their eyes tell you that they love you. And their eyes tell you that their hearts are toward you. And when you lie to them, it's pretty hard to look them in the eye, isn't it? Isn't it?

41:44 What a price to pay. Go ahead and tell the truth. Suppose you get spanked. Suppose you get grounded for a week or two if you're a teenager.

41:52 Suppose there's something even far worse than that. In terms of human relationships, nothing is worse than that. Nothing is worse than the fracturing of the climate of trust that comes when you lie. So what we speak.

What We Speak: Appropriate Words at the Appropriate Time

42:09 Apply the golden rule, as you would that others do to you. Even so, do ye also unto them. And then, with respect to the what we speak to others, it should be not only truth, but appropriate words at the appropriate time. The appropriate words at the appropriate time.

42:28 A word fitly spoken is the language of the writer of the Proverbs. A word fitly spoken. How do you like it when someone is totally insensitive to your present situation? Here's a poor wife.

42:41 She's at home. She's been changing diapers and chasing kids around and romping bottoms all day long. And her husband comes through the door and she's just about out of her tree. And he's going to tell her the truth.

42:52 He just got fired. Well, he's speaking the truth. And I'm anticipating now the whole matter of the when. It's hard to separate these things.

43:04 Now, that's the how. So this would come under the what. That's really another category, isn't it? See, they all get mixed up.

43:11 But appropriate words at the appropriate time. As you would that others do unto you, even so, do ye also unto them. So begin to apply that. Pray that God will make you sensitive not only to when you speak, but to what you speak.

How We Speak: Grace, Reasonableness, and Avoiding Sarcasm

43:32 And then that third category, and I want to open this up a little bit more, how we speak to others. And I believe we would all agree that we would that when others speak to us, they speak graciously, that they speak reasonably, that they speak to us peacefully. How do you feel when you're wrong and you deserve a reproof and a rebuke, but it's given in an ungracious, with an unnecessary cutting edge to it? The book of Proverbs says in chapter 12 and verse 18, this verse that comes back to me so many times and has been a rebuke to my own conscience, there is that speaks rashly like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is held. There is that speaks rashly like the piercings of a sword. How many parents have pierced their children times without number by speaking rashly to them? They didn't speak graciously.

44:39 They didn't rebuke graciously. They didn't discipline graciously. You dummy, have you done that again? And they demeaned and battered the soul and pierced the spirit of that precious young life.

44:53 And some of us have to try to sort out the wrecks who are pierced through times without number by these kind of sharp, sharp words. Colossians 4, 6 says, Let your speech be with grace seasoned with salt. How do you like it when someone speaks to you ungraciously? Well, if you don't, then as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them.

45:22 For this is the law and the prophets. How do you feel when someone's words are unnecessarily provocative to hostility? When the way they speak to you seems to be like a powerful magnet drawing out the worst of your remaining corruption. Do you like that?

45:39 The Bible says in Proverbs 15, 1, A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up strife. A husband comes to his wife and says, Now there's a matter I want to talk to you about. And he could not calculate a better way to elicit a carnal response from her. It may be a very legitimate thing, but the manner how he speaks could not be more calculated to draw out her remaining corruption than the way in which he approaches it.

46:13 Whereas the soft answer would have turned away wrath, in the language of Proverbs, the soft answer breaks the bone. Do you like people to speak to you graciously? Then as you would that others do unto you, do ye also unto them? How do you feel when someone's statements are unreasonable?

46:41 They blow things all out of proportion. Yes, you've done something. Yes, you've said something you shouldn't. And someone comes, and the whole thing is blown.

46:49 Utterly unreasonable. They've blown it all out of proportion. How do you feel when you try to sort a thing like that out? You just feel like saying, Forget it.

46:57 Isn't that the way you feel? How in the world, if a person will take my words and make them, how can you reason with a character like that? You feel absolutely discouraged, don't you? You know what I'm talking about?

47:08 Am I the only person who's ever met people like that? Is there something about me that draws them to myself? You know what that is, don't you? When people are utterly unreasonable in how they speak to you.

47:26 They don't like to be spoken to in an unreasonable manner, as you would that others do unto you. Even so, do ye also unto them? For this is the law and the prophets. And hear me now, if your speaking is in any way disciplined by the Spirit of God applying this text to your tongue, then innuendo, sarcasm, kneeling, and ridicule will never be part of your speech matters.

47:59 Innuendo, making suggestions about things, not being man or woman enough in a gracious way to be upfront and say this is a matter that little suggestions round the back door. Innuendo, sarcasm, putting someone down in a sarcastic manner, needling, focusing on someone's faults, focusing on someone's physical characteristics that either we don't like or that are a bit abnormal and needling about them or personality characteristics and then ridicule. None of us, unless something is snapped in our minds, likes to stand before anyone speaking to us and heaping upon us innuendo, sarcasm, needling, and ridicule. Anybody here that likes to be ridiculed? Anyone here that likes to be needled? Not in the innocent way.

49:02 One of the ways people can show they're very secure in a relationship is innocent kidding. It's not needling. But you know it's innocent because their relationship is strengthened when it's all over. That's how you can test.

49:17 You say, oh, it's just innocent needling with me and my wife. Well, how is it that she goes off crying when you're done? No, no, that's not innocent needling. Amongst intimate friends, one of the ways they affirm their friendship, they're so secure in it, they can kid each other in an innocent way and even kid about very personal things.

49:36 A husband and wife who have a good solid relationship and they know through the years the air is just able to change, so they just learn to accept each other. They can kid each other about those things and it strengthens their relationship. It's an affirmation of their mutual acceptance. But you know that kind of needling I'm talking about, don't you?

49:55 That wounds and hurts and fractures an already tenuous relationship as you would that others do unto you. Even so do ye also unto them for this is the law and the prophets. Well, these are just a few applications of the golden rule to the use of our tongue. Let me say as I try to bring the message to a conclusion.

Closing Application: Our Native Condition and the Gospel

50:20 By way of application, this text, first of all, surely shows us our native condition in the light of God's holy law, doesn't it? If the summary of the whole Old Testament law with regard to horizontal relationships is this, as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them for this is the law and the prophets. Surely this text shows us that by nature the carnal mind is enmity against God and is not subject to the law of God and neither indeed can it be. We're so encouraged to be self-centered that we can't extricate ourselves from ourselves long enough to put ourselves in the other person's place. And so our golden rule is, as others do unto them plus a little more, give back what is given to you with interest. That's the golden rule according to an unregenerate carnal heart. If you've been sitting here tonight saying there's no way I could ever live that way, there is no way, my friend, that may be the most accurate discovery you've ever made about yourself.

51:30 Because there is no way you can live like that if left to yourself. For Romans 8, 7 goes on to say, neither indeed can it be. Your heart left to itself can never live by the golden rule. It lives by the rule of me and mine at the expense of God and all the image bearers of God.

51:50 I'm going to do my own thing to please myself. And that's why the first element in the call to discipleship is precisely at this point, if any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. So surely this text reveals to us our native condition in the light of God's law, incorrigibly self-centered, in a condition that we have no power to change. What we need is a new heart, a heart that will desire to put itself in the place of my wife, my husband, son or daughter, mom and dad, brother, sister, neighbor, friend.

52:34 And I tell you, this comes pretty close to home. It's not with regard to speech, but I had it hit me this week with regard to the bump sender. In our 77 Matador, some woman plowed right into my wife. No question it was her fault.

52:48 She admitted it in front of the police. She just plowed right into it. She wasn't looking. So she said, we want to settle.

52:55 Apart from the insurance, we don't want insurance rates to go up. Get an estimate from such and such a place and bring it over and we'll settle. Well, I went to that place and they gave an estimate for $818. They replaced the fender and all the rest.

53:08 I said, boy, that's awfully high. I'll go to somewhere else. They gave an estimate to bang it out and body putty it and fix it up for $315. You know what text came to me?

53:19 As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. I need to tell you what I settled for, do I? I've got a check for $315.08.

53:33 Oh, but you say there'll be some body, it won't be quite. So who cares? It's going to be there in the junkyard in a few years. Well, I give up an opportunity to display the grace of Christ for a hump of tin as you would that others do unto you.

54:00 If you're out for your pound of flesh, you're a worldly, carnal, godless man. And the sooner you pace it, the better. They took joyfully the spoiling of their goods, it says, knowing they had a better inheritance. You say you're letting someone run over you.

54:22 I'm glad the Lord Jesus let somebody run over him, the juggernaut of God's wrath. At the hands of wicked men, for I wouldn't have a savior tonight and neither would you. As you would that others do to you, even so do ye also unto them. Can't do it, my friend.

54:41 Left to yourself. But in the positive way, this text does show us the wonderful provisions of God's grace in the giving of a new heart and in the gift of the Spirit so that the sons and daughters of the kingdom, though not living perfectly by this rule, are nonetheless set with all of their hearts to walk by this rule. They want to keep the law, not to gain salvation. But having been freely forgiven by Him who perfectly kept the law on their behalf and then took into Himself and utterly exhausted in His agony upon the cross the wrath of God against that broken law, having come to Him, loving Him, they want to obey Him. And when He says, as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. For this is the law and the prophets. They don't say, oh, that's too high a standard, too far beyond me.

55:36 It's not. They say, Lord Jesus, by Your dying love, by the agonies of Gethsemane, and by the awful baptism of Golgotha, and by the mighty power of Your open tomb, and by the descent of the Spirit, by all those great redemptive privileges, Lord Jesus, equip me so to live tomorrow with my wife, my husband, my work associates, my classmates at school, my neighbors, whatever the relationship. Oh, may God take this golden rule and somehow, I don't know what imagery to use, but do something with it that will get into every fiber of this memory and enable us in all of our speech, the when, the what, and the how, to remember that as we would that others do unto us, even so to do unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. Let us pray. Our Father, we plead with You that by the Spirit's mighty power, You would send Your word into all of our hearts. Forgive us for our insensitivity

57:03 to one another. We have been so wrapped up in ourselves that we've not put ourselves in our brother or sister's shoes, in the shoes of our children, in the shoes of our friends and those about us. Oh, God, forgive us. Wash us afresh in the blood of Your dear Son.

57:24 Purge our lips from their many sins. Words of sarcasm, words of unreasonableness, words of untruth and slander. Oh, our Father, make our sins to be exceedingly sinful in our own eyes, that we may come to a new appreciation of Your grace and mercy in the Lord Jesus. And we pray that even on the morrow, yea, Lord, even the remaining hours of this night, we may find this text regulating our speech one with another.

57:59 Hear our cry, seal Your word to our hearts, and for those who perhaps have seen their hearts for the first time today, for the first time tonight, give them no rest until they flee to Your beloved Son and find the joyful deliverance from sin that is in Him. Hear us and answer us, we plead, in His worthy name. Amen.