Christian Duty of Hospitality

Introduction to the Christian Duty of Hospitality

0:02 When I did this several weeks ago, I took the occasion to open up a very practical area of consideration, namely the responsibilities and privileges we who are non-singles have to the many singles in our congregation. And we tried to open up some lines of biblical and practical concern with respect to how we can, in a very practical way, minister to some of the peculiar needs of our singles. Well, I'm going to take the occasion this morning to open up another area of very practical pastoral concern that perhaps would not warrant a general exposition in the Lord's Day morning or evening service, but certainly is a matter of vital concern to our life together as a congregation of God. And I do this not unilaterally, that is, as an independent decision of my own, but I do it as the mouthpiece of the entire eldership as we have discussed this matter with each other. And so what I want to do this morning is to open up some lines of biblical truth concerning the Christian duty and privilege of hospitality to strangers. And I hope to go through the biblical materials in about a half an hour, and then we'll open it up for...

1:23 for discussion and interaction. And so the subject of concern is that of the duty and the privilege of showing hospitality to strangers. Now, what I propose to do is, first of all, to set forth the major text in Scripture dealing with this subject, and there are three such texts, and then two that deal with the realm of the motivation for the duty. And then I want to give some practical...

1:53 some practical suggestions for the implementing of these biblical mandates. First of all, then, the key texts which speak of the Christian's duty and privilege with respect to hospitality to strangers. Turn, please, first of all, to Romans chapter 12. Romans chapter 12.

Biblical Mandates for Hospitality: Romans 12

2:21 And I shall begin reading at verse 9. Here we have one of those sections in which the Apostle is giving a string of...

2:30 miscellaneous responsibilities which Christians have, one to another and to the world without. And he says in verse 9, Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor that which is evil. Cleave to that which is good.

2:46 In love of the brethren, be tenderly affectioned one to another. In honor, preferring one another. In diligence, not slothful. Fervent or literally boiling in spirit, serving the Lord.

3:01 Rejoicing in hope. Patient in tribulation. Continuing steadfastly in prayer. Communicating to the necessities of the saints.

3:12 Given to hospitality. Now, of course, each one of these directives could well bear careful explanation and exposition and then detailed application. But I direct your attention particularly to verse 13. One of our great privileges is to communicate to the necessities of the saints.

3:32 And that word communicate perhaps is a poor translation, at least in its connotation in our day. A better translation would be having fellowship or sharing in the needs of the saints. It's the common word in the New Testament for fellowship, for mutual sharing. And so we are directed with respect to one another to share in the needs, the necessities of the saints.

3:58 And then, as though... He's reaching out beyond the intimate ties of the family of the saints.

4:06 He says, in addition to this, we are to be given to hospitality. And if you have a 1901 edition, you will notice that the footnote on the word given is pursuing. And it's the common word in the New Testament for persecute. The word that is used in Hebrews 12.14.

4:25 Follow after peace with all men and the holiness without which no man shall see. The Lord, it's a very strong word. When you're persecuting someone, you're tracking them down with a vengeance. Now he says, we are to give ourselves with that kind of zeal, the zeal with which a man persecutes another.

4:44 We are to give ourselves. We are to pursue hospitality. Now, surely, as much as it is our duty to love without hypocrisy, to abhor the things that are evil, to cleave to that...

5:00 to that which is good, to be tenderly affectioned to one another, and no Christian is exempt from those duties, likewise, no Christian is to regard his conscience free from the pressure of this commandment. It is given to all of the saints in whatever circumstances they may find themselves. It is their God-given responsibility, duty, and privilege to pursue hospitality. So, if you are to give yourself if part of your Christian consciousness is not a sense of obligation, no matter how it may be expressed, but if part of your consciousness is not a sense of obligation to pursue hospitality, you are living either in ignorance of one of your duties or in willful disobedience to one of your duties. All right, the second text is found in Hebrews chapter 13. All I'm doing now is laying the biblical foundation for the gospel foundation for the gospel foundation. For our duty and privilege in this regard.

Biblical Mandates for Hospitality: Hebrews 13 and 1 Peter 4

6:05 Hebrews chapter 13.

6:13 Now, here again, as the writer to the Hebrews is drawing his letter to a close, there is a string of miscellaneous duties and responsibilities laid upon the people of God. Verse 1. Let love of the brethren continue. Forget not to show love unto strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

6:39 Now, in the list of these general directives, we are commanded to show love, and it should be translated as it is in Romans, for it's the same word in the original. We are not to forget to show hospitality. When it says forget not to show love, you would think that one of the Greek words for love was there, teleo or agape, but it's not. It's the general word that is used for this matter of hospitality.

7:10 And here we are commanded not to forget this privilege and responsibility. The assumption seems to be that the writer to the Hebrews recognized that amidst all of our other duties, it could and probably would be easy to forget this responsibility. Well, then to underscore the privilege and to intensify the motivation, he says, for their purpose, by some, that is, some who have entertained strangers or shown hospitality, have entertained angels unawares. And that, no doubt, is a reference to Genesis chapter 18.

7:49 You remember the record of these three strangers that came into the presence of Abraham, and Abraham and Sarah entertained these strangers, and in so doing, they were entertaining angels, and in reality, one of them was the angel of the Lord himself, even the Lord. So, in Romans, we are commanded to share in the needs of the saints and to pursue hospitality. Here in Hebrews, we are commanded forget not to show hospitality. And then over to 1 Peter chapter 4.

8:26 And I remind you again that these are not directives given to elders or to leaders or to deacons. The Bible does have sections where you have limited commandments to show hospitality. Specific segments of the Christian community, but these are general directives given to the entire body of the people of God. 1 Peter chapter 4, beginning with verse 7.

8:49 But the end of all things is at hand. Be therefore of sound mind and be sober unto prayer. Above all things, being fervent in your love among yourselves, for love covereth a multitude of sins. Using, using hospitality one to another without murmuring, according as each hath received a gift, ministering it among yourselves as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

9:20 Now it's obvious that once again we're in this realm of general directives to all the people of God, directives that take their clue from the main responsibility of love. And as an expression of that love, though here it is aimed primarily at the people of God, still the duty is there. Using hospitality one to another without complaint or murmuring. And the word here is the same one used in Acts 6, where in the context of the care of the widows, they began to murmur against one another.

9:56 And the writer, Peter, apparently recognized that there would be a tendency on the part of believers to grow weary and restive and at times perhaps even resentful at the self-giving demands of hospitality. So he adds to the command using or showing hospitality one to another that we are to do it without murmuring. And we are to do it according to verse 10 in the light of our stewardship before the Lord, according as each hath received a gift, ministering it among yourselves as good stewards of the grace of manifold grace. The grace of God.

Motivation for Hospitality: Serving Christ and Evangelism

10:37 Now, these three texts, Romans 12, Hebrews 13, 1 Peter 4, establish beyond a doubt that part and parcel of every believer's Christian duty is the duty of hospitality. Now then, what should be the great motivation in the performance of this hospitality? Well, one of the elements of the motivation was mentioned in Hebrews 13. The inference being that many times we are the reason recipients of blessings we never would have anticipated.

11:09 According to Peter, part of the motivation is the recognition of the stewardship of opportunity that is given to us. But perhaps the highest and most profound motivation is to be found in Matthew's Gospel, chapter 25.

11:25 Matthew's Gospel, chapter 25.

11:29 The scene, of course, is the last day when the nations stand before the Lord in the day of judgment. And here the Lord is publicly vindicating the declaration concerning His own as being those who should enter His kingdom. And this is the way in which He describes their character, a character which vindicates the pronouncement that they are indeed His own. Verse 34, Then shall the king say to them on his right hand, Come ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and ye gave me to eat. I was thirsty and ye gave me to drink. I was a stranger and ye took me in.

12:30 Naked and ye clothed me. I was sick and ye visited me. I was in prison and ye came to me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee hungry?

12:40 And fed thee? Or a thirst and gave thee drink? And when saw we thee a stranger and took thee in or naked and clothed thee?

12:50 And when saw we thee sick or in prison and came unto thee? And the king shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it unto one of these my brethren, even the least, ye did it unto me. And then, of course, the reverse, is true with regard to the wicked. He says, Depart from me.

13:16 When you saw me hungry, when you saw me a stranger, you didn't take me in. They said, Well, when did we see you a stranger? And then he says, Inasmuch as ye did it not. Ye did it not unto me.

13:27 And surely there should be no higher motivation for the child of God to engage in some form of obedience to these clear commands in Romans, in Hebrews, and in Peter than the recognition that when we show hospitality to those who are strangers and yet belong to Christ, we are entertaining our Lord himself. Inasmuch as ye did it unto the least of these, my own, ye did it unto me. Now, to us sitting here in this situation this morning, it seems unthinkable that the Lord Jesus would appear amongst us and lack for any bona fide expression of hospitality from his people. From the warm handshake to the earnest entreaty to put a little extra water in the soup and stretch it a little bit to the open door and the open heart, surely there is no believer who would have any other reflexive response than this if the Lord Jesus should appear amongst us. What a privilege it would be to open not only my heart, to extend my hand, but to open my door and to share whatever I had upon my table. But that's exactly what he says is the issue involved in the matter of hospitality to his own.

14:48 In as much as he did it unto the least of these, my little ones, he did it unto me. Well, there's the highest level of motivation with regard to hospitality to the people of God who may be strangers amongst us. But now, what about the unconverted? Well, here it seems to me the 1 Corinthians 9 passage is so apropos where the Apostle Paul says, I am become all things to all men that I may by all means save some.

15:18 And in that chapter, of course, he's talking about accommodating himself to Jewish prejudice with regard to dietary laws and other external trappings of the ceremonial law and culture. And he says, though I'm free from these things, I'm willing to conform to them. When I'm amongst the Gentiles, I conform to them. But the great motivation was this, this passion to be as useful as possible in the salvation of sinners.

15:45 And surely, with regard to showing hospitality to those who may not be believers, what a wonderful opportunity it is to expose them to the reality of the Christian faith as lived out and expressed in a Christian home. Though we may not have in the initial contact any direct opportunity to confront them with a verbal presentation of the gospel, although we may, just the privilege of demonstrating the validity and the difference and the vitality of living, vibrant faith in Christ can be a powerful evangelistic tool in the hands of the Holy Spirit. Well, in the light of how clear our duty is, in the light of these tremendously powerful motivational factors, why are many of God's people very slow and very remiss in their lives in the fulfillment of this duty? Well, let me suggest three or four practical reasons as to why they are. Number one is the mistaken idea that the table is central to the expression of Christian hospitality. Some years ago, I preached two sermons on the biblical doctrine of Christian hospitality, and some of you will remember, a few of you anyway, who were a part of the church at that time, that I emphasize this very strongly, that the focal point of Christian hospitality in the scriptures

Overcoming Hindrances to Hospitality: Misconceptions and Inadequacy

17:13 is not a full table, but an open door.

17:19 And the reason why some of you are very slow and very reluctant to engage more, if at all, in showing hospitality to strangers, is that you have that mistaken notion that if I cannot have a full and a fancy table, I dare not extend an open door. Well, that's a perversion of the biblical concept of hospitality. The whole concept is not a full and a fancy table, but it is that outgoing expression of Christian love that opens the heart, that extends the hand, and swings open the door.

18:02 And some of us need to get away from what is perhaps an element of pride. We want to be known as good cooks. Others, it's a sense of embarrassment. Many of us, and I say us at this point, live on a very strict budget with regard to how much is spent for food.

18:21 And there simply is not money to go out and buy a seven-pound eye around. That would take about three-quarters of your allotment for groceries for the week. Well, the Lord knows that. But does He say, show hospitality to strangers, parenthesis, except in times of economic pressure?

18:43 Does He say, showing hospitality one to another, parenthesis, that is, if you can afford it in a rather affluent? No. The duty does not appear to be regulated by economic practice. It is a duty laid upon the people of God, one, remember, which was given in a time when, for the most part, the people of God were of the poor of this world.

19:06 According to 1 Corinthians 1, not many noble, not many mighty, not many of the wealthy of this world. God has chosen the weak thing. Or as James says, He hath chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the blessings of His grace. So, I would exhort you, if you have been reluctant because of this misconception that the fancy and the full table is central, may the Lord correct your thinking this morning and give you to understand that it is the open door and the open heart that is central, not the full and the fancy table.

19:44 Secondly, some of you are very reluctant to be rich to perform this duty because you feel very inadequate in terms of general social grace. You don't know how to make conversation. You say, what in the world will I do if someone's sitting there and he's looking at me and I'm looking at him and ain't nothing going between us? And you feel very inadequate and you're scared stiff.

20:06 Well, if some of you lack what I would call the general cultivation of social grace, like anything else, you learn by doing.

20:17 You learn by doing. You don't learn by not doing. If you were so afraid you couldn't drive a car that you never got in and started to learn how, you'd still be hitchhiking or walking or taking buses.

20:29 And you felt like you were all hands and feet and you'd never get all those pedals together and coordinated right when you start, but now you can get in your car and drive for miles and hardly even think of what you're doing. It's an acquired pattern of eye to hand to foot coordination that you learn by trial and error and by doing it. Well, in the same way, if God commands all of his people knowing that there's the full spectrum of different personalities, did God know that you had the very reserved, the very retiring and bashful in the church as well as the very outgoing when he said to all of his people given the hospitality, did God know it? Well, if he did, then he expects that some of you who may have to work a bit harder at the cultivation of the general social graces will indeed do so. But let me say something that you'll find if you'll only try it. If you're entertaining real Christians, if your own heart is full of Christ, full of his word, full of desires after him, you'll never lack four subjects of conversation. Now, if you're in a backslidden state, if you've become so taken up with things and so taken up with yourself and with your own little circle of interest, then indeed you may find that there isn't much to talk about with a total stranger who may be a Christian.

21:50 But my experience has been wherever I go around the world in whatever culture or anything else, when you meet real Christians, you never lack for something to talk about. And so let me encourage some of you who feel inadequate socially, plunge in. Plunge in. His strength is made perfect in weakness.

22:09 And as you do and the Lord graciously undertakes for you by the reward of joy in knowing that you were obedient to your Lord, the reward of knowing that you've ministered to your Lord himself will more than compensate for the little bit of nervousness you had beforehand.

Overcoming Hindrances to Hospitality: Insensitivity and Limited Concepts

22:26 Then, a third reason why some of you don't indulge or I should say engage in this duty is that you've allowed yourself to become insensitive to the Word of God.

22:40 Some of you have simply become insensitive to the commands of God's Word. You read them. You say, yes, that's the Word of God. Yes, that's a commandment of the Lord.

22:49 But you've lost that sensitivity that immediately makes your conscience leap into a posture of desire to be comfortable in the presence of whatever commandment God has given in His Word. You see, the mark of a tender heart to God is that whenever conscience comes into the presence of a clearly revealed duty, conscience, as it were, becomes alive and wants to feel comfortable in the presence of that clearly defined duty. But the mark of spiritual dullness and heartiness of heart is that we can face commands, conscience can look at them, and be asleep. And I fear for some of you that this is exactly the state into which you've come. And if so, then I can only give you the words of Hebrews. Beware, lest there be in any one of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God that exhort one another daily while it is called today, lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. And what is sin?

23:58 Any lack of conformity unto or transgression of the law of God. And then the fourth reason why some of you do not engage in this is because you have a limited concept of what's involved in being given to hospitality. I'm looking into the faces of people right now that I can almost read your thoughts. You're saying, but Pastor Martin, I don't have a home on my own.

24:25 And I've got unconverted parents at home. I can't bring people to my home. Well, who says it must be expressed only in your own home? You see, this matter of Christian hospitality may be the extension of the warmth of the Christian handshake.

24:43 And then, speaking perhaps to someone with whom you have a more intimate friendship and saying, look, can I cooperate with you in opening your home if some of the burden can be borne by me? If you're going to have people over to show hospitality, I'd like to contribute to some of the expense. I'd like to be included. So, the fact that we don't have a home of our own or an apartment of our own, that does not exempt us from this broad Christian duty and responsibility.

Practical Implementation and Discussion

25:16 So, I would suggest that these are at least some of the reasons why some of you may not be engaging in this duty. Now, for a few minutes, I want to give a brief practical framework for implementing these precepts.

25:32 And I have two prongs to what I want to say. First of all, the one is for what we call long-range planning for more formal hospitality that does involve opening our homes, perhaps to have people staying overnight or for a more lengthy stay. Some of you are able to provide overnight lodging and what we're going to do is prepare you a mini-graph sheet and make it available so that those of you who do have the facilities to have a single person or a couple or maybe a family of four, you know what your facilities are, how many Haida beds you have, how many cots and the rest. And we would like to have on file then those who have, as it were, a standing invitation extended through our deacons so that as we get increasing opportunities and they are increasing. I used to handle this all on my own and now Mr. Argo has a little idea of how much I was handling because I've dumped it all on him. After the initial inquiry comes, someone says that I've been helped through the tapes or through a ministry here or there and I've heard of Trinity and I'd love to come and visit and sit under the ministry and would it be possible for me to come for a couple of days and often people even offer to pay for their own board but they'd love to see me.

26:56 And you would if you were going to a strange place you certainly wouldn't want to put up in downtown London.

27:06 Nobody would like to put up in a motel here in this area at least unless there are some unusual circumstances. Well, what a wonderful opportunity we have to encourage the people of God. Now, some will take advantage of us. That's all right.

27:20 Let the Lord deal with them. If we have people to take advantage of us we will not knowingly encourage that but as much as we're careful about this there'll still be people who become sort of Christian moochers and they just go around mooching on other people. Well, the Lord will deal with them and I would far rather bend over backwards and maybe extend hospitality to a few people that I shouldn't than have the Lord say to me inasmuch as you did it not unto the least of these my little ones you did it not unto me. If we're going to err let's err on the side of maybe going a little bit further than we need to rather than fall short of having one person who was a member of Christ refused that kind of hospitality which God commands us. So, this form will be made available and we'd encourage you to fill it out and that way those who handle these things in detail will have a permanent record of these things but then in our week by week opportunities to show hospitality on the Lord's Day this is the suggestion we're making. Some of you know that about a month ago we began to have Mr. Barker stand at the center doors over in the school auditorium where we meet morning and evening with a little with a sheet of paper a legal sized sheet of paper and we've encouraged visitors to go by and sign that and leave a record of their visit.

28:47 We've encouraged you if you see a visitor some are too retiring to even go over by themselves but if one of you will say I believe you're visiting amongst us my name is so and so we'd love to have a record of your visit we'd like you to meet one of our elders take them over to the table where Mr. Barker is and they sign the thing. Well what we're encouraging you as the Lord's people to do is that piece of paper will have a line about two thirds of the way down in the bottom or maybe a double line that was plain to everyone and any given Lord's Day when you've discussed this with your wife now we don't want to split up happy families and she's prepared something that instead of just being adequate for the four of you or the three of you it's the kind of thing that could serve six and if not it's the kind of thing that can be used for leftovers for lunches it's not going to be wasteful and you know that well when you go in the auditorium on Sunday morning you just put your name down here you put down Smith dash two you can have two people if there are two people that need a place to eat and hospitality for the afternoon put your name how many you can handle then the elders who are there at the table as they greet visitors will then try to match up the visitors in terms of age and size of family to what's available in terms of hospitality for that day and this way we can facilitate that without putting any unusual burden on any one

30:16 particular individual and it will be a great help to us in implementing these biblical directives when we had the meals here at the church it used to be a wonderful thing to be able to greet visitors and say do you have plans to be with someone for the meal and for the afternoon and often they'd say no well it was a joy to be able to say well there'll be a group of some 30 or 40 of our church people over in the church basement having a meal together and fellowship you're welcome to join them and then we used to have their first time they had their meal free now the next time they had to pay their 75 cents or whatever else it was because again we didn't want to encourage people just to be mooching on the goodness of the church but in this way we believe we can without undue embarrassment to anyone just put your last name and then how many you could have for the day for the meal and for fellowship in the afternoon and then stay within some reasonable distance visually of Mr. Barker or whoever is there at that center desk taking these names so they don't have to go running all over that school trying to match you up with the person try to stay within reasonable distance as you fellowship with others now again this means that there has to be some selflessness granted love costs love seeks not its own but it's the nature of love to give and if we are to fulfill this biblical mandate

31:44 and thereby express a dimension of Christian grace and practical Christian love why I am convinced with your fellow elders that this is one way that we can by the grace of God do that well I've gotten done in less than my half hour it's taken me twenty about twenty-three twenty-four minutes and I've laid out the materials now it's open for questions discussion additional biblical materials yes John my wife and I in my first quarter we were commuting from Clark home about three years ago people come to remember on Saturday Saturday my wife was in the state of Columbia and I was in the state of Columbia we had this one couple islemen they've been made a little longer with us they used to put us up almost every weekend they didn't have to find us furniture as a matter of fact sometimes shopping was coming up and I never I'll never forget the first time you were there I kind of lost it I was sitting around having coffee she started bringing out some blankets and pillows and I said I looked around and said well listen what I should have done I don't really get into it and the couple and their daughter left them living on the floor and gave us their own bed and they

33:05 well thank you John for giving us that very practical and undeniable evidence of the kind of thing we're talking about alright others that have anything you want to say by way of buttressing some of these principles or clarification yes the gurglers yes yeah I see well that may be part of the very kind of matching I didn't mean that we would just put young people with young people but to try to make some kind of match that would be unto edification and I if I gave the impression that I meant you know age that middle aged people would only go with middle aged people I didn't mean to give that impression George that that would be one of the very factors that if we had a young couple and usually there at the at the table

34:23 Mr. Barker or one of the other elders tries to get a feel for the visitor you know something about where they're coming from in terms of their church background and the rest and in that way to match them up they may find someone who's in basically the same career and there may be 20 years difference age wise but immediately there's a basis of common conversation and communion well thank you for making that point George because I didn't want to give that impression good well I probably gave it so thank you for for bringing it up so I could correct it alright any other questions yes Mark yeah I have no problem with just driving by them because I know it's they're doing something illegal and I am I am aiding and abetting an illegal act now if you see a man that you know is like the like the poor man that was beat up and left on the highway and the good Samaritan came along well that's different but I believe you're tempting God to pick up hitchhikers and

35:45 I believe in our own state now does someone know accurately most states now it is it is illegal so it's for a Christian there should be no question about the matter any further questions maybe it's been terribly muddy or all too clear I don't know yes Rick what's the reason for hospitality directed to being hospitable to strangers yes is this being hospitable to the context of the vineyard and the church yes yes the hospitable to strangers there would be the the rather nomadic existence of some of the believers in that first century situation especially when you get into the persecution that post Acts 8 situation where believers are scattered abroad when hospitality was indeed a tremendously necessary thing just for just for an existence but I don't think it could be exegetically limited just to believers that strangers who come amongst us who may not be believers we still should seek to extend hospitality to yes John

37:12 I've lost around my mind from time to time and I was wondering what you would say about like a lot of times we have amazing previous fellows who you know show a lot of interest a lot of agents and about a lot of times you think to yourself you know boy maybe I can just take this guy and get him some clothes and keep him some manners and take him down to the going office or something or maybe get him out of the factory and show them I'm also concerned for his physical welfare and then you think well you know let this guy rot and keep him in the way and take off the next day yeah well here again John it's a matter where one must weigh all of his biblical responsibilities in their totality and why we never pursue obedience to one precept at the expense of another so that a man has a clear and unmistakably clear mandate to nourish and cherish his wife to protect and to care for her and therefore to do anything that would unnecessarily jeopardize the well-being of one's wife and family would be a violation of that God-given responsibility on the other hand to take some time to do that kind of thing if it's available without undercutting other duties you don't need to bring a man home

38:40 to do some of those things that you're talking about or you can bring him home in a very structured situation where you are there for the time that he's in your home and are regulating all of his interaction with your family if one does that kind of thing then one needs to be careful to regulate it and at any point where it seems to be liable to abuse to make it plain that that's simply not going to be tolerated but love love is always vulnerable John and the only way to be kept from being hurt and burnt is not the love love is vulnerable it always is and love is costly and often love is unrequited love seeketh not her own it's amazing I mean just in simple little things how few people how few people know how to say thank you verbally or on paper well you're not doing it for the thank you you get you see you come back to say Lord I'm doing this for your sake I'm doing it as unto you and that's why you men who have aspirations for the ministry if you expect a fair deal forget it go somewhere else don't go into ministry because it just isn't a fair deal that's all people just lack the common decency of expressing gratitude people just lack total strangers will write letters you beat your brains out to respond to them and help them

40:09 and they never even acknowledge receipt of the letter not so much as even with a postcard well who did you do it for well if you were doing it for them it would just get you mad say you scoundrel don't you write to me again you don't even have the common decency to send a postcard and acknowledge but if you're doing it it's unto Christ then you're willing to be vulnerable and to feel something of the hurt of the person of ingratitude and ingratitude does hurt if you're sensitive at all all right yes Ralph and then we'll come down the front this is in family here or in human both families have to do a certain hospitality not that you're looking for a return but you would like to turn to the television and it seems like how will you get the situation and nothing is returned and it's it's it's it's the heart you'll bear for Christ but at the same time you feel like you have to get the situation all right it's just how you feel and sometimes you feel it wouldn't want you yeah well frankly Ralph I think I would find it hard to speak in such a way

41:38 as not to give the impression that I was carnally wounded I think I'd leave the Lord to deal with them or someone else to otherwise they would have grounds to question what my motives were was I giving of myself with the expectation that the fine print said if I do this you will do this in return or was it an unconditional expression of Christian love and if it was then I have no expectations that that will be returned if it is then it's grace as it was grace on my part that it was given it's grace on their part that it's returned and the minute we start thinking in terms of weighing these things up tit for tat you see that's when you get into trouble and I know from time to time we have that problem in our assembly people feel that their noses are bent because they feel they're giving more than they're receiving well then I ask them what are you giving for for whom are you giving can you ever give too much to Christ can you ever entertain Christ too much in as much as you've done it unto these you've done it to me well can we ever do too much for him well the answer is obviously no so as long as that motive keeps central we're alright but if the other motive enters in it's a form then of reward mentality then we really will be hurt and I think it would be unwise ever to speak unless it just caused a barrier

43:07 in the friendship and then you might just have to go and say look brother look sister I know the problem is with me but there's a sin that I can't deal with until I talk this out with you and then bare your heart and deal with him if you have aught against your brother go tell him his fault between thee and him alone yeah yeah yeah well then what you have to do Ralph is then you have to turn in another direction and find someone who's waiting to respond if you find that as elders there are people we want to help they won't let us help so you just have to say alright Lord you have to deal with them get them to the place where they're willing to be helped it's just like with your children yeah that's right and you can't force that did you ever try to force a flower to open up can't do it Abe can you you can water it and watch the sun work on it but it's got to open up in its own time you force it to open and you ruin the flower well it's that way with people

44:36 or there's some people I'd give my right arm to open them up I can tell you I could mention names if it weren't embarrassing there are people sitting I don't know if they're sitting here I don't want to embarrass anyone but part of this church that it took ten years before they really believed that I loved them and they had any confidence in my love ten years of going out and feeling no confidence in return ten years of being held off held up held up held up held up held up held up and just continuing to show love continuing to show love and then suddenly almost like overnight you sense something snap and you felt they gave you their heart and now you could exhort them you could admonish them without wondering are they going to be hurt are they going to feel threatened and all of the rest ten years and others not so long but still and it's the same way one of the subjects we're going to touch on if this didn't run out and I'll just mention it briefly because I do want to mention it and this is a good place to sneak it in is in this whole area you see of the cooperation and confidence in the elders you labor to walk before God in the integrity of your conscience and according to biblical standards and to prayerfully make decisions and then for instance in some of the recent discipline we've implemented we've got people sniping at our heels in this very congregation questioning the discipline implemented why well

46:05 we've not earned their confidence apparently well what in the world do we have to do for how long before we earn it I mean how much what must we do before we earn the confidence there's some who still , have fundamental distrust of the whole direction we've gone with this building program and we still haven't earned an ounce of their confidence that all the hours of prayer and consultation with the wisest counselors we know have resulted not in infallibility but in judgments that are sound and rational well that hurts but what can you do you just got to keep doing what God tells you to do and hope that sooner or later you'll earn their confidence and that's part and parcel of human nature it's an ugly thing but that's the way it is and you'll find that in this whole area you'll seek to be obedient in a matter like this and you'd like to feel that certain friendships will be cultivated but you sense that it's all as you mentioned Ralph one way well then you've got to just continue to be gracious it's like the little kids because we're all just grown up kids really aren't we I accept the challenge of every little kid in this church to make that kid my personal friend well for some of them it means week after week month after month some of them year after year bending down at the door rubbing their heads loving them up a little bit and then all of a sudden one day something snaps like it did with one of the little kids a couple

47:34 of months ago and all of a sudden she looked at me and the next thing I knew she ran over jumped right up right up off the ground threw her arms around my neck and kissed me and from then on we get a smooch every single Sunday but it was month after month after month and I wondered you know doesn't she like the color of my hair the shape of my nose you know what is it but finally that confidence came yes dear yeah yeah but that's just the time that one of the needs to do that and develop some proper self-confidence some of you who have a low level of confidence and a poor self-image to use current jargon

48:46 you get burnt once or twice like that and you begin to turn everything inward upon yourself now Janet we promised you a word and I completely forgot I'm terribly sorry go ahead yeah yeah yes well here again this is where one must weigh all I think it would be wise unwise for anyone to have his name down here every Lord's day that'd be unwise but I don't think it's unrealistic to think that almost not almost everyone but a goodly number of you could have your name there at least once a month so that one Lord's day per month would be given to ministering to strangers and maybe another Lord's day to fellowship with God's people and in your own home in your own

50:11 situation you're the boss if we have people over on the Lord's day which is rare now because I had to give it up a couple of years ago because I found that we couldn't just have them to have general social Christian fellowship when they had pastor they had an opportunity for an unofficial counseling session so I'd be all afternoon answering questions and by Sunday night when it came time to preach I was like a prize fighter in the 14th round just sort of going on instincts you know so we have to structure

50:43 even my relatives if I have to preach in the evening we tell them this is our schedule we have our simple meal we're done at 2 o'clock everyone goes down for a nap from 2 to 3 now we're not going to tell you as our guests you've got to take a nap but you know whatever you do that's where we're going to be we turn the phones off and we say this is our structure for the Lord's day and we invite them to enter into that and to share that with us yes Phil several years ago once Phil your wife did all the work except this food on Saturday and you wrote it around the table at this point what you're doing is a Christian principle it's a day of worship on the right as well as myself therefore don't affect the top of your face and what you can leave or leave and who can either think like that good yes when we get away from feeling we've got to have some kind of a big fancy four core spread it breaks the back of that and I would say if you have people in some of you husbands who were never brought up right in terms of feeling that anything that has to do with the kitchen and the rest is purely women's stuff you need to pitch in now if your wife doesn't want you there and I know some homes where they don't well that's don't force yourself but I know that there are some

52:12 wives who would welcome help and I've been in homes where I have had to embarrass my host because he was so concerned about talking about theology a fellow preacher in other places I'm not talking about in our own church situation and his poor wife is running around like a chicken with her head cut off to get her I have just gotten up and said can I be of some help and left the theologian sitting in there talking to himself that's right hoping he'd get the message because that's insensitivity to his role as a husband if he has invited the people in and has extended her workload then if he's nourishing and cherishing his wife he ought to

53:01 we thank you for this profitable time that we have spent together exercising our minds and hearts concerning this very practical Christian duty and privilege we thank you that the majority of your people in this place do want to obey you give grace and wisdom in the outworking of obedience to these clear commands we pray that the overly sensitive will not be driven beyond the standard of the word for those whose hearts may be cold and callous that they will not be content with anything less than the standard of the word Holy Spirit help us for without your help we either stop short of or go beyond what you have written hedge us up to that obedience that is pleasing in your sight and brings honor to your son we ask in his name amen