Biblical Directives for Godly Grieving, Part 1

Introduction: Grieving to the Glory of God

0:01 Biblical Directives for Godly Grieving, subtitled, Gleanings from a Grieving Heart.

0:14 Biblical Directives for Godly Grieving, Gleanings from a Grieving Heart. This is the title I've given to our study in the scriptures this morning, and God willing, next Lord's Day, and possibly a third Lord's Day as well. Well, as most of you are well aware, it was eight weeks ago, September 20th to be exact, that my wife of 48 years breathed her last and entered into the presence of her Lord and her Savior.

0:55 And since her homegoing, I have been seeking to grieve over her death in a way that honors God, honors her, and is consistent with the biblical doctrine of sanctified grief over the loss of an intimate friend or dearly loved one who dies in union with Christ.

1:27 And in this brief series of messages, I want to share with you some of the biblical truths which God has underscored to me in my endeavor to grieve, to the glory of God. Now notice what I've said in my endeavor, not to neutralize my grief, for that is inhuman and unbiblical, but to grieve in such a way that God is glorified in my grief. For does not the scripture say in 1 Corinthians 10.31, whether therefore you eat or drink, whether therefore you eat or drink,

2:10 or whatsoever you do, including grieving over the loss of a wife of 48 years, do all to the glory of God. And in opening up this subject, I begin by stating that there are three foundational principles that must be firmly grasped in our own understanding if we are to master them. If we are to manage and express our grief as Christians

2:48 when we lose a loved one who likewise is a true child of God. Now note the specific focus of my study. I am not dealing with what the Bible says ought to be the nature and expressions of the grief of a Christian who is grieving the loss of a non-Christian loved one, or friend. But my specific focus is how should a true child of God grieve when the one over whom they grieve is also a true child of God who in the language of scripture has died in Christ.

Foundational Principle 1: Know the Present Place and Condition of Departed Loved Ones

3:33 And I am asserting that there are three foundational principles essential to godly grieving. Any of the specific directives of the word of God rest down upon these principles that are absolutely foundational. And without an understanding of them and a firm present faith grip upon them, it is impossible to grieve to the glory of God. And what are those three foundational principles?

4:08 Well number one, we must know and firmly believe what the scriptures teach concerning the present place and condition of our loved ones who die in the Lord. We must know and firmly believe what the scriptures teach concerning the present place and condition of our loved ones who die in the Lord. On October 17th, just a month ago, I preached on this subject.

4:44 If you were not here for that one hour and ten minute sermon in which I expounded every key text on the Bible concerning the place and condition of our loved ones who die in the Lord, I urge you to get that tape, download it from the internet, get it out of our tape library, however you get it, and with your Bible open, search the Scriptures and see if indeed the things I asserted are true to the Word of God. And as I sought to set forth what the Scripture says, I gave you four simple, basic assertions supported by the Word of God.

5:30 Where are they and what is their condition if they have died in the Lord? They are fully conformed to the moral likeness of Christ. They have been brought into the very presence of Christ. They have joined the company of all the people of Christ.

5:47 And they have entered upon the promised rest of Christ. And no grieving of a Christian for a Christian can glorify God unless it is suffused with a present confidence that this is real stuff. This is not chucked you under the chin, make you feel good. This is not a good fluff.

6:11 This is absolute reality. To make it more personal, as I have sought to regulate my grief for my beloved wife, I could not regulate that grief to the glory of God did I not believe that right now, every last vestige of sin has been purged from her spirit. Every single remnant of remaining sin is gone. She perfectly mirrors the moral likeness of the Lord Jesus Christ.

6:47 That she is right now in the very presence of Christ. As much as I am in your presence, you are in my presence. She, absent from the body, is at home with her Lord. And did I not believe that she was in the company of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and Mary and Elizabeth and Esther and all of them.

7:09 And all of the martyrs and all of the unnamed and unknown people of God, unnamed and unknown to me, my grief would take an entirely different direction. But I do believe that this is truth and that she has entered upon the promised rest of Christ. That's foundational principle number one. When you are called, and you will be if you've not yet been, it is only a matter of time.

7:37 When you are called to grief, at the loss of a very intimate, dearly loved one who dies in Christ, go back over these fundamental realities of where they are and what their condition is if you ever hope to grieve to the glory of God. I've practiced what I preached. When I picked up my daughter Heidi out in western Pennsylvania, someone having brought her halfway here from Michigan, two weeks before my loved one went home, to be with the Lord. On the way back from Pennsylvania, we listened to my sermon preached back a couple of years ago,

Foundational Principle 2: Emotions Are Not Ultimate Authority

8:19 basically opening up these principles, and I preached to myself. And after she breathed her last during that next week, I listened to my own sermon again, that I might have a fresh, firm grasp upon the reality of the place and the condition of this loved one who was taken from me. Secondly, we must know and firmly believe that our emotions are not to have ultimate authority over us.

8:57 When as believers we lose a dearly loved one who dies in Christ, the second foundational principle of godly grieving is this. We must know and firmly believe that our emotions are not to have ultimate authority over us. Now think with me for a moment about this vital issue. When you and I were created in the image of God, our emotional constitution is part of that image of God.

9:33 And before the fall in Eden, all of Adam's emotions, all of Eve's emotions, were perfectly sinless. They were never tweaked in any direction to any degree that was not perfectly mirroring God himself. But when sin entered, and the entirety of the human person was infected with sin, what we mean when we speak of total depravity is not that any man, any woman, is as evil or wicked as he or she can be, but that every facet of their life, their humanity has been tainted and twisted and marred by sin,

10:18 including the emotions. So that after the fall, our emotions are depraved along with our minds, our wills, and our affections. And we feel in given directions in ways we ought not to feel, to degrees we ought not to feel, with respect to objects that should not be drawing forth the various emotions, that we experience. And even when we are redeemed, regenerated by the Spirit of God, and indwelt by the Holy Spirit, our remaining sin still influences the totality of our humanity, including our emotions.

11:02 So that the emotions of the child of God are never to be regarded as having ultimate authority over him. The emotions, of a child of God as with his mind, as with his will, need to be governed by the light of the Word of God, and by the dynamics of the indwelling Spirit of God. In other words, our emotions need objective truth to guide them, and subjective power to harness them. You follow me?

11:39 So that if you and I are to grieve to the glory of God, we must know and firmly believe that our emotions are not to have ultimate authority over us. They are to be governed by truth, truth worked out by the power of the Holy Spirit. Now this is heretical in this feeling-oriented generation, where people think, well, if I do something with my feelings, that are not natural to my feelings, that's hypocrisy. No, it may be the very essence of godliness.

Scriptural Proofs for Governing Emotions

12:21 And because this is an area where our society does not help us to think biblically, I want to turn you to several passages of Scripture to prove this point in spades. First of all, turn, please, to a very relevant passage, Ezekiel chapter 24. The prophet Ezekiel is no spring chicken. His wife was no spring chicken.

12:45 And yet, the Almighty God is going to use an event in the life of Ezekiel, in the death of his wife, to teach a vital lesson to the people of Israel. And here we read in Ezekiel chapter 24, verse 15, the following. Also the word of the Lord came unto me, saying, Son of man, behold, I take away from you the desire of your eyes with a stroke. What a beautiful way to describe his wife.

13:17 She was still the desire of his eyes. She was no spring chicken. No doubt she'd begun to sag here and there. But when he looked at her, she still turned him on.

13:32 That's biblical. The desire of your eyes. It would have been more spiritual to have said the desire of your heart. Ezekiel still looked at his wife and got a glint in his eye.

13:45 And when she met his eyes, she knew what that glint meant. And he said, I'm going to take her away. And I'm going to take her away suddenly, not gradually. I'm not going to ease you into the separation.

13:57 He says, I'm going to take her away with a stroke. Yet, now notice, you shall neither mourn nor weep, neither shall your tears run down. Sigh, but not aloud, make no mourning for the dead, bind your head-tire upon you, put your shoes upon your feet, cover not your lips, eat not the bread of men. So I spoke unto the people in the morning.

14:23 And that even. My wife died, now notice, and I did in the morning, as I was commanded. You feel the weight of that passage? God says, I'm going to take away your wife, who's still the desire of your eyes, a relationship still percolating with passion and romance.

14:51 She wasn't just the old thing that did the ditches. She was the desire of his eyes. He said. I'm going to take her away with a stroke.

15:01 And your emotions are to be governed by my word and by the enabling power of my spirit. He had a lesson to teach, and you can read on and find out what that lesson was. I simply want to look at the passage as proof positive that our emotions are not to be regarded as ultimate, but they are to be governed by the word of truth and by the power of the spirit of truth. And Ezekiel 5 says.

15:29 I found it was possible. I did as I was commanded. The second passage from the New Testament, 1 Thessalonians chapter 4. Familiar words.

15:43 And the apostle says, as he's about to instruct these Thessalonian believers about the true state and condition and future prospects of their dead loved ones, these words, 1 Thessalonians 4.13. 1 Thessalonians 4.13.

16:04 We would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning them that fall asleep, that you sorrow not, even as the rest who have no hope. He says, I'm telling you what I'm going to tell you, informing your mind to this end that what you know with your mind will regulate the manner in which your emotions function in the face of the death of your loved ones. We would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning those that fall asleep. Why?

16:39 In order that you do not sorrow even as the rest who have no hope. In other words, my emotions are not to be regarded as ultimate, but in this passage in particular, they are to be regulated by objective truth. Paul says, I want you to know something so that what you know will regulate the manner and degree to which your emotions function in the face of the death of your loved ones. And then on the other end of the spectrum, James chapter 2.

17:18 James chapter 2. James is writing to people who are giddy and happy.

17:28 James chapter 4, not chapter 2.

17:32 And yet they are a people whose emotions ought not to be running amok with happiness and giddyness. Because there are moral and ethical conditions which, if reckoned with, would totally change the complexion of their emotional expressions. So what does he say? Look at verse 8 of James 4.

17:54 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning.

18:09 And your joy to heaviness. Well, wait a minute. I just can't turn on mourning. I just can't turn on joy.

18:21 Yet God says, let your laughter be turned to mourning. Let your joy be turned to heaviness. In other words, your present emotional state of happiness and joy are inconsistent with your moral condition. And you need to come to grips intellectually and spiritually with this.

18:40 With your true moral condition that you will then express emotions consistent with it. Your moral condition ought to find you weeping, beating upon your breast in genuine grief and repentance for your sins. And then similarly, the familiar text often quoted in this church, Romans 12, 15. We are told to weep with those who weep.

19:06 And to rejoice with those who rejoice. And there's no parenthesis saying, weep with those who weep, parenthesis, if you happen to be in a weeping mood. I mean, you may be in a shouting, happy mood. And you come into contact with a brother or sister who is in a legitimate mourning mood.

19:27 What are you to do? You're not to regard your feelings of ebullition and joy as ultimate and say, tough it out, buddy. I'm in a shouting mood. You've got to find someone that's in the pits.

19:39 No, God says. You weep with those who weep. You rejoice with those who rejoice when the last thing you may feel like doing is rejoicing. Why?

19:48 Because our emotions are not ultimate.

19:53 God help us if we don't learn that truth. In this touchy feeling, ring in the nose, rung all over the place by the emotions generation.

Foundational Principle 3: Manage the Direction and Focus of Your Thoughts

20:06 Our emotions are not ultimate. The second great principles we must know and firmly believe. That our emotions are not to have ultimate authority over us. And when we do, then we'll be able to do what the psalmist did in Psalm 42 and verse 5.

20:23 He talks to himself. He says, why are you cast down on my soul? Why are you disquieted within me? You've got no reason to feel the way you feel.

20:31 Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him who is the help of my countenance. He grabbed himself by the back of the neck and the seat of the britches and says, get out of the pits, buddy. He didn't say, oh, well, I'm in the pits. Got to stay.

20:44 Stay in the pits till somehow I get lifted out of the pits. He's down on my soul. Why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God.

20:53 I shall yet praise him who is the help of my countenance. That's the second great principle. Then there's a third. We must know and firmly believe that we have a responsibility to manage the direction and focus of our thoughts in the midst of the grieving process.

21:13 We must know and firmly believe. We must know and firmly believe that we have a responsibility to manage the direction and the focus of our thoughts in the midst of the grieving process. As surely as our emotions do not have ultimate authority, we must not let them lead us, so also our thoughts. Two texts of scripture clearly establish this.

21:43 Philippians chapter 4. Philippians chapter 4. Whatsoever things, verse 8, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things. And the verb think means think about, consider, ponder.

22:16 Let your mind dwell. Let your mind dwell upon these things. In other words, you and I are responsible for the direction and the focus of our thoughts. And that is true in the midst of the grieving process.

22:34 The one who is grieving is not suddenly suspended, or this directive is not suddenly suspended with respect to that person. He or she chooses what he shall think about. What will be the focus of his or her thoughts? And if we are to grieve to the glory of God, we must know and firmly believe that we have a responsibility to manage the direction and the focus of our thoughts in the midst of the grieving process.

23:09 The second passage, Colossians chapter 3, verses 1 to 3. If then you were raised together with Christ, seek the things. The things that are above, where Christ is, seated on the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth.

23:30 For you died and your life is hid with Christ in God. Set your mind, a different Greek word than the one used in Philippians. There it is logizomai. Here it is phroneo.

23:43 The family of words that have to do with your noggin. What you think. Set your mind upon things that are above. I am responsible concerning the direction and focus of my thoughts, even in the midst of crushing grief and sorrow.

24:04 So, here are the three foundational principles which form the prerequisites to godly grieving. And I said subtitle to these sermons was, Gleanings from a Grieving Heart. As I have sought to wrestle with how do I face life, bereft of the wife of 48 years, the wife of my youth, the woman who has been the only woman in my life for 52 years. These are the foundation principles on which I have found I must plant my feet firmly.

24:39 I must know and firmly believe what the scriptures teach concerning the present place and condition of my life. beloved. I must know and firmly believe that my emotions are not to have ultimate authority over me. And I must know and firmly believe that I have a responsibility to manage the direction and focus of my thoughts in the midst of the grieving process. Now, with these principles operative

Practical Guideline 1: Focus on What Jesus Has Gained

25:09 in my own heart by the grace of God, during these past eight weeks, let me share with you, as time permits, four or five practical guidelines built upon this foundation and in the outworking of those principles in practical ways, how are we to grieve to the glory of God when as a believer we've lost a beloved fellow believer? Remember this focus now. It's grieving by a Christian for a Christian. Here's the first.

25:47 We must think more upon what Jesus has gained in their death than upon that which we have lost in their death. We must think more upon that which Jesus has gained than upon that which we have lost. What does a Christian give to Christ in his or her death? Or to state the question a little differently, what does a Christian give to Christ in his or her death?

26:21 What does Christ gain when the moment the soul of a believer is separated from his or her body and is brought into his presence? Well, the Bible gives us an answer to that question. He gains at least three things. He gains a major fulfillment of his own redemptive purpose.

26:46 Jesus gains in the death of a believer a major fulfillment of his own redemptive purpose towards that departing saint. What is his redemptive purpose? Well, you all know it. Ephesians 1.4

27:05 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus, who hath blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenlies in Christ Jesus, according as he hath chosen us. In him that we should be holy and without blemish before him. He set his free sovereign electing love upon us in eternity to this end that we might in virtue of his own redemptive grace be holy and without blemish before him.

27:45 And he always has that in his mind and in his heart. And he always has that in his mind and in his heart. And in his redemptive activity for chapter 5 of Ephesians says, Christ loved the church, gave himself up for the church to one end, that he might present the church to himself without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. What a marvelous vision he has.

28:11 That he will have his people utterly free from every last vestige of sin. Fully endowed with every godlike grace and virtue.

28:26 And when they die, Jesus gets a major fulfillment of that purpose. For remember we saw that the moment a believer dies, he joins the company of just men made perfect. From the moment they breathe their last until they are in his presence, God purges from their departing spirit every last vestige of sin. And Jesus gets what he died for in their spirits.

28:58 He doesn't have it yet with regard to their bodies. He's got to wait a while until he returns and raises them from the dead. But he gets what he died for. What he set his heart upon them for.

29:12 To have them holy and without blemish before him. That's what Jesus gets when a loved one. Is taken from us.

29:26 Secondly, he gains the express desire of his heart. With reference to where they are. He gains the express desire of his heart. With reference to where they are.

29:41 Now he's promised to be with us while we're here. Remember Matthew 28. Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. He will never leave us nor forsake us.

29:53 Yea, though we walk through the world. Through the valley of the shadow of death. You are with me. Your rod and your staff comfort me.

29:59 Ah, but the Lord Jesus has a heart. That yearns to have us in a specific place. And in John 17, 24. And I want you to turn there.

30:10 I could quote it. It's been meat and drink to my soul in recent days. But I want you to see it as well. Last request.

30:19 In this litany of prayers offered for his own. Just the night before he sacrificed. Crucified. Father, I desire.

30:29 And here a stronger verb is used. It is not the ordinary word for petitionary prayer. But it's an expression of his regal will. It could be rendered.

30:39 Father, I will. That they also whom you have given me. Now notice. Be with me.

30:50 Where I am. I want them to be with me. Not in my promised presence. While I'm in heaven and they are upon earth.

31:01 Yes, they are with me. And I am with them. But I want them to be with me. Where?

31:09 Where I am. That they may behold my glory. For you loved me before the foundation of the world. You see, he knows that in the heart of every one of his true children.

31:26 While they. Love him, though unseen, as Peter says, whom having not seen you love in whom, though you see him not yet believing you rejoice with joy, unspeakable and full of glory, how we long to see him. What does my Savior look like in his glorified existence at the right hand of the Father? And there's a yearning in the heart of every true believer to see him, to be with him.

31:53 But you see, there's a yearning in the heart of the Savior for his own. To have them with him where he is.

32:01 And so when the Lord Jesus takes them to himself by the rough door of death, he not only gains a more, a major fulfillment of his redemptive purpose in perfecting their spirits, but he gains the expressed desire of his heart. They are now with him where he is. That's why Paul could say in Philippians 1, When I have a desire to depart and to be with Christ, with him in a way that I'm never with him in my most intimate moments of communion and fellowship here on earth, with him where he is, to behold his glory.

32:47 In one of the many emails sent to me, this one from Scotland, this brother wrote, May you be comforted by Psalm 116 and verse 15. Precious. In the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. And then he quotes A.W. Pink on this text.

33:06 While we are sorrowing over the removal of a saint, Christ is rejoicing. His prayer was, Father, I will that they whom you have given me be with me where I am, that they may behold my glory. And in the entrance into heaven of each one of his own people, Jesus sees an answer to that prayer and is glad. He beholds in each one.

33:28 It is freed from this body of death, another portion of the reward of his travail of soul, and he is satisfied with it. Therefore, the death of his saints is precious to the Lord, for it occasions ground for his rejoicing. What comfort has flowed into my heart in the most painful moments of feeling her loss to think of what my Savior has gained. And to fix my mind upon the fact he has gained the desire of his heart.

34:09 And then, with that, thirdly, he gains a new dimension of joy. He gains a new dimension of joy. Hebrews 12, 2 says of our Lord Jesus, Who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising its shame, and is set down at the right hand of the majesty. What was the joy set before him?

34:34 Well, ultimately, of course, it will be the joy when he gathers all of his redeemed in their perfected souls and bodies at the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he has his wedding day with his bride. But he gets some of that joy along the way. Remember Luke 15?

34:55 Pharisees are upset with the Lord Jesus because he's eating and drinking with sinners. And Jesus said, you've got to understand. What goes on in the mind of God the Father and God the Son and God the Spirit when sinners come into the fold of redemptive grace and pardon. And then he gives the illustration, you remember, of the lost coins, the lost sheep, and the lost son.

35:20 And in every instance, whether it's the woman who finds her coin, the shepherd who finds his sheep, or the father who finds his son, it is the woman, the shepherd, and the father, who say, rejoice with me.

35:37 And then Jesus says, there is joy in the presence of the angels over one sinner that repents. Often people say, there's joy among the angels, or the angels rejoice. It says there's joy among the angels. Whose joy?

35:52 It is primarily the woman's joy who calls her friends and says, rejoice with me. I found my coin. It's the shepherd who calls his friends and says, rejoice with me. With me.

36:03 It's the Father who calls His friends in His household and says, let's have a party. What's He saying? He's saying when a sinner returns, a sinner purchased by blood, transformed by the power of God, God Himself rejoices and calls all heaven to rejoice with Him.

36:26 Now can we not argue by analogy, if He rejoices when that sinner leaves the hog pens, is taken out from the place of danger and lostness, if there is joy at the returning sinner? What kind of joy must the Savior have when the returning sinner now becomes the perfected saint?

36:52 And He sees with His own eyes, His own image perfectly now reflected in that Spirit made perfect, with all of its sin purged away, and every Christ-like grace, grace endowed, He gains a new dimension of joy.

37:14 And my dear friends, when God takes away a loved one, and we feel keenly the pain and the overwhelming grief of that loss, we must think more upon what Jesus has gained than upon that which we have lost. For whatever we've lost, remember this, we didn't come from heaven by way, of Mary's womb, to get it. We didn't undergo spittle, and buffeting, and rejection, and the shrouded heavens, and the darkened face of God the Father, to win them.

37:59 He's got much more claim in them than we do. And while we may have invested much in them, we didn't die under the wrath of God for them. And I say it is nothing but a form, of carnal, unmortified, self-centeredness, to let our grief master us. Because we do not think, and consciously direct our thoughts to that which Jesus gains, when they are taken from us.

Practical Guideline 2: Focus on What Your Loved One Has Gained

38:34 We must think upon what Jesus has gained, more than upon that which we have lost. Secondly, based upon that threefold foundation, here's the second. Second thing we must do, we must think more of what your loved one has gained than of what you have lost. Not only think more of what Jesus has gained than of what you've lost, think more of what they have gained than of what you have lost.

39:10 And here we go to the book of Philippians, familiar words, where the Apostle Paul says in chapter 1, in verse 21, For to me to live is Christ. And to die is gain. To me to live is Christ. Christ has captured me.

39:31 I want to live to his glory. I want to live to his praise. I want to live to advance his kingdom. However, to die, I get something more.

39:39 To die is gain. And what is the gain? We'll read on. But if to live in the flesh, if this shall bring fruit from my work, then what I shall choose I do not know, but I am in a strait betwixt the two.

39:52 And the desire to depart and to be with Christ, now notice, which is very far better. There are three Greek words, one piled upon another, that translated literally make very poor English. But he wants us to feel the weight of it. To depart, this thing I desire, is exceedingly far better than remaining, though to live is Christ.

40:23 I live in communion with him, and I live in fellowship with him, and in the knowledge of his presence and grace, to depart and to be with him is very far better. Because there I will have more of Christ, face to face with Christ. No more sin, no more weariness, no more dullness. What do we lose?

40:49 We may lose a wife of forty-eight years. We lose a helper, a companion, a confidant, a lover. A gracious soul that you feel you have only begun to plumb even after forty-eight years. But what has she gained?

41:06 She has gained Christ, in all the fullness of undimmed vision of his face. And you know what I like to think about, Lord's Day mornings especially? I won't tell you all the things I think about trying to apply this. But I remember, I think it was just the first Lord's Day after the Lord took her, maybe the second.

41:30 And when I got up early in the morning, kind of staggered down, bleary-eyed to the kitchen to make my cup of coffee, I tried to think of what she had, and what she might say if she knew what was going on. And I tried to picture her looking at me with a kind of a sinless, condescending look, saying, you poor creature. Here you are staggering downstairs, get a cup of coffee to get a little shot of caffeine to your brain before you can go up and worship and pray. And I've been at it all night, and I'm not weary.

42:03 And I'm going to be at it all day, and I won't be weary. I won't lack for words, I won't lack for praise. My spirit has been released from every inhibiting factor, and with unbounded joy, I'm going to worship him. And when you go to bed tonight, I'm going to still be at it.

42:25 No night, no day, no weariness. When you think of what they gain. Amen. More than what you've lost, then your grief comes within the boundaries of the manageable.

Practical Guideline 3: Focus on the Shared Hope of Resurrection

42:42 Think more of what your loved one has gained than of what you have lost. But then thirdly, if we're to manage our grief to the glory of God, we must think of the hope that we share in common with the loved one who's taken from us. We must think of the hope that we share in common with the loved one who's taken from us. This is not an original thought with me, and I'm thankful that Pastor Hughes passed it on from the young pastor who died in just his late twenties, Forbes, there in Glasgow.

43:20 Now biblical hope, you've got to understand what it is. When the Bible speaks of our hope, it's not a wish or a strong desire. But biblical hope is a longing and confident expectation of a promised, but not yet promised, but not yet realized blessing of God's grace. That's what biblical hope is.

43:42 A longing and confident expectation of a promised, but not yet experienced blessing of salvation in Christ. And what's the focus of a believer's hope? Well Paul gives it to us here in Philippians as well. Philippians 3 verse 20, Our citizenship is in heaven, whence we wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus.

44:06 Who shall fashion anew the body of our humiliation, that it may be conformed to the body of his glory, according to the working whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself. A believer's hope is not the intermediate state. When he departs and goes to be with Christ and experiences those four wonderful things we considered on October 17 and that I just briefly reviewed this morning, the believer's hope is full integration. A body and soul, perfected soul, sinless soul in a deathless body together in the presence of Christ.

44:45 That's our hope. Romans 8 makes this abundantly clear. It says we're saved in hope. And what is our hope?

44:52 Our hope is resurrection. It's even called our adoption. That is the redemption of our bodies. That's our hope.

45:01 Now think with me for a moment. My beloved Marilyn. She's got the perfected spirit, but that body is in a plot of earth and pumped in planes. I'll go again today as I generally go on the Lord's day and I'll stand on that earth and I know that a few feet beneath that is a concrete vault and inside that vault there's a casket and inside that casket is my beloved wife and the processes that will take that body to total disintegration are at work.

45:45 What's her hope? Her hope is in heaven that a moment is coming in human history when the voice of the archangel will sound. The trump of God will back and in the entourage of angels and clouds of heaven the Lord Jesus will return and he will gather up the dust of that body there in that grave plot and pumped in planes. And he will fashion it into a glorious body.

46:20 Paul says, like unto the body of his own glory. The prototype will be his own glorious, resurrected, ascended, glorified body and he's going to take what is there in that plot of earth and fashion it like unto his own. As I said to my dear wife a few weeks before the Lord took her, as I knelt by her bedside and I said, sweetheart, when God's done with you. You're going to be so beautiful I won't recognize you.

46:56 He'll have to introduce me to you. That's what he's going to do. So her hope there in heaven is what? Resurrection day.

47:09 When she'll be taken out of her resurrection bed. Yes, she's fully satisfied with the reality of being in Christ's presence where he is with him. Not fully satisfied. She hasn't got everything Jesus died to give her.

47:26 In heaven. Her hope is. Resurrection. Resurrection day.

47:31 Here on earth. What's my hope? Same thing. Same thing.

47:37 A perfected spirit dwelling in a deathless body. And so we are bound together by the same hope. She in heaven. Me on earth.

47:48 Isn't that a wonderful thing? Standing here today. Whether she knows anything about what goes on, I don't know. I got my own thoughts.

47:56 They're my thoughts. None of your business. But I know this. She's not fully satisfied with all she got the moment she passed into the presence of Christ.

48:10 Because she knows that other part of her created humanity would be placed in a plot of ground. Awaiting resurrection. And so that hope burns in her heart. And that hope burns in mine.

48:27 And so we are bound together not only though death has severed us on this earth. We're not only bound together by our common union with Christ. Her spirit in heaven. Her body in the earth.

48:41 Still united to him for the scripture says those that sleep in Jesus. But we are bound together by this common hope of the return of the Lord Jesus. When we shall both by his grace receive all that he died to purchase for us. Well then fourthly.

Practical Guideline 4: Focus on What God Will Do Through Your Grief

49:04 If we are bound together. If we are to grieve to the glory of God. We must think of what God will do through us as a result of what he is doing in us. In our grief.

49:20 You want to manage your grief to the glory of God. Then get hold of this principle. We must think of what God will do through us as a result of what he is doing for us and in us. In the midst.

49:37 In the midst of our grief. Some of you have already thought of the text second Corinthians chapter one second Corinthians chapter one verse three blessed be the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ the father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us and that has primary reference to Paul and Timothy primary reference to the servants of God he will go on to describe some of the unusual. Offering that they faced in Asia but it doesn't have exclusive reference to them he says God

50:17 comforts us in all our affliction why in order that what God is doing in us has a view to what he will do through us in order that we may be able to comfort them that are in any affliction through the comfort where with. We ourselves are comforted of God he said blessed be the God who is ultimately the source of all consolation and comfort he designates him the father of mercies and the God of all

50:57 comfort but he recognizes that God mediates the comfort of which he is the ultimate source through human instruments and he says they are instruments that have experienced his comfort in the crucible of intense affliction God who comforts us in all our affliction in order that we may be able to comfort others by the comfort where with we ourselves are comforted of God and when we are grieving the loss of a dear loved one in Christ we must constantly think of this principle. Oh God. You've brought.

51:41 Me into the. Crucible of grief that I may tap more fully into the reality of your heart as the God of all comfort the father of mercies to the end all God that I may be a better instrument to mediate that comfort to others the Lord spares me and the Lord delays his coming the next 10 years they're going to be a number of widows and the number of widowers in Trinidad,

52:16 Baptist Church the insurance charts don't lie somebody's going to have to draw near and weep with you who's been there when you pray as a servant of God Lord do whatever you need to do to make me a true shepherd of your people you don't know how God may answer that prayer but if you get your nose out of your navel you're able to embrace an

52:59 afflicting God and say Lord. If this is the way. That's the way. If this is the way your large heart to your people can be more fully accurately tenderly expressed I embrace the discipline for their good you see that's not just for pastors because the Bible says in these texts Hebrews 313 we are to exhort one another while it is called today Romans 1514 Paul said I'm persuaded of you Romans that you're full of knowledge full of goodness able to.

53:38 Admonish. One another first Thessalonians 418 where for comfort one another with these words first Thessalonians 511 in which he speaks to all of the people of God and tells them that they are to have this ministry one to another we exhort you brethren admonish the disorderly encourage the faint hearted support the weak so we must constantly remember and think of what. You. Through us as a result of what he is doing to us and in us in our grief and then very

Practical Guideline 5: Focus on What You Are Gaining

54:21 quickly let me just touch on this final one think of what you are gaining think of what you are gaining because of the loss of your loved one not only think of what Christ gains what they gain what others will gain but think of what you're gaining one dear brother wrote just prior to my loved ones home going. Assuring me of his and his churches prayers but then he said this. My own heart is ached for you as you spend yourself caring for your flock while you tend most lovingly to the needs of your dear wife she who will likely precede you into the immeasurable

55:03 gain of the nearer presence of Christ will remain your helper as she by her being there will. Serve. You. By a long cord to draw and keep your affections heavenward and it's true.

55:22 I thought more of heaven in the past eight weeks than in the previous eight years I think of what she must be doing who did she meet today with whom did she sit in discourse of the ways of God and the faithfulness of God and all of the wonders God isn't revealed a lot. But he's revealed enough, and thankfully, there's not an awful lot he's forbidden us to think.

55:55 She ministers to me in her death because it's drawn me more to heaven. It's made the toys of this life less attractive than ever.

56:10 What's it matter?

56:12 You want to frown at me? Some of you young people want to get together and grouse about, Oh, Pastor Martin, he's got his hobbies. Frankly, it doesn't bother me a bit. But I could care less what you think about me when I'm going to heaven.

56:31 I know what she thinks about me, and I know what her master thinks about me.

56:36 So you want to get in the little corner and pontificate on how I don't know from nothing about nothing. You're all wise, and you know. You go ahead. Play the fool.

56:48 You're not going to intimidate me. You see, when God takes a loved one from us in this kind of relationship, we become more heavenly-minded. Our communion with Christ intensifies. Remember what we sang at the memorial service?

57:08 Be still, my soul. Thy Jesus can repay from his own fullness all he takes away. I tell the Lord as I walk about the house, Lord Jesus, you've got to be more real in the aching loneliness, or I'll go mad. And he is more real.

57:29 I used to laugh. I used to laugh at my sister Joyce when she was with me. She's been a widow for ten years. I'd say, Joyce, I can't hear you.

57:37 What are you saying? She said, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the Lord, or I'm talking to myself. And I'd say, you crazy old lady.

57:43 I'd say, you've got somebody in the house. You've got to behave yourself. Well, I'm the crazy old man now. I go around the house talking to my Lord Jesus.

57:53 And what have I gained in her loss? Out of his fullness. A new level of communion with him. A new appreciation of the body.

58:03 My Christ, as I've invited myself into your homes, you, the Lord's people, have been Christ's hands and heart and smile and face and ears. Oh, how I've gained. The Word of God's become more precious. Psalms that I've read hundreds of times throughout my 52 years of pilgrimage have come alive like I'm reading them for the first time.

58:28 And when the pain is acute, I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

58:33 You've gained an awful lot, son. Well, my dear. My dear brothers and sisters, I lay before you some of these things that are the gleanings of a grieving heart. But I hope you see they're rooted in the Word of God.

A Word to Unbelievers: The Cruelty of Dying Outside Christ

58:48 And this is how I'm beginning to begin to learn, I trust, to grieve to the glory of God. And as I close, I want to say a word to you who are not in Christ.

59:07 I want to focus upon those of you who are not in Christ. And yet you may have a spouse or children or friends. When they go, the one who's in Christ, you don't have these consolations. You should see me trying to comfort my two unconverted children.

59:28 When I'm on the phone with my daughter Heidi, all of the things that are the stuff of my own comfort, I pour into her ears and she pours back into mine.

59:41 When my son stands with me and sobs from head to toe and weeps, what consolations can I get? He's out of Christ.

59:55 When my other daughter does the same, what comfort can I get? My friend, if you're not in Christ, you've got no consolation when those who are close to you who are in Christ are taken from us. Because you're a stranger to all of these blessed realities. And I beg you in Christ's name, out of the most crass, selfish reasons, get into Christ.

60:22 That you might know these consolations. Consolations for those who are in him when they are taken from you. Then for you who have Christian mothers and fathers and husbands and wives, but you're not in Christ. Listen to me now.

60:38 You know what is the cruelest thing you can do to people that love you who are in Christ while you're not in Christ? You know what is the cruelest thing in the world you can do?

60:49 You say, stick a knife in their back. No. All you do is send them to heaven.

60:54 Burn their house down. No. All you can do is cause them to rejoice. That the Lord is causing them to hold more loosely to the things of this life and they'll get another one.

61:04 The most cruel thing you can do to a loved one who's in Christ while you're out of Christ is to go on out of Christ and die that way.

61:18 Because you then force them to live the rest of their days reluctant to be abandoned in their expectation of the Lord's return because they know when he returns the jig is up for you. Unabandoned and with joy. Look forward to the Lord's return when they know at his return you'll be raised out of your grave to stand in judgment and to be sent to hell.

61:46 You stick a knife in them that they live with till they breathe their last.

61:54 That's cruelty of the worst kind. They pray for you. They weep over you. They plead with you.

62:03 Some of us stand in this pulpit and plead with you to turn from your sin and lay hold of Christ and you go on. You go on in your impenitence.

62:12 You are cruel to the utmost. Because if God cuts you off in that state you leave the affliction upon all who know the Savior and love him and wanted you to know and love him that all that awaits you is an everlasting hell.

62:33 I'd never thought of that till the early hours of this morning when I was pleading with God, Lord, how do I bring this home to the theater of the conscience of those who do not know you? And my friends, that's not...

62:45 Highly... High-blown rhetoric.

62:47 That's reality.

62:51 Because those who are in Christ believe the Bible. And they believe what the Bible says will happen to all those who are not in Christ.

63:01 Don't go on. Don't go on in that cruelty.

63:06 Turn from your sin. Lay hold of the sin.

63:10 That when you are taken in your youth, in the prime of life, in old age, those who are in Christ and are bound to you with cords of love and who will grieve will in the language of Scripture not grieve. As those who have no hope.

63:29 But some of the brininess of their tears will be neutered by these gospel realities. Let's pray. Our Father, how we thank you. Oh, how we thank you that your word is a lamp to our feet, a light to our pathway, that even as we face the last enemy, we may not only face him in the confidence of faith, we may deal with the aftermath of his visit in the confidence of faith.

64:03 We may deal with the consolations of the gospel. Father, I thank you for hearing the prayers of your people who pray fervently and lovingly for me and that you are helping me as I seek to walk down a road that I've never been on before. I praise you and thank you for their love, for their prayers. And pray that you will take these gleanings from my grieving heart and above all the truth of your word and your love for me.

64:34 And make them a means of grace to us all for Jesus' sake. Amen.