Extending Forgiveness; Restored Trust

Introduction: The Centrality of Forgiveness and the Apostles' Creed

0:04 The following sermon was delivered on Sunday morning, June 22, 2003, at Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey. I read just two brief portions of the Word of God. The first from Psalm 130, verses 3 and 4.

0:29 If you, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with you that you may be feared. And then Colossians chapter 3, verses 12 through 14.

0:52 Colossians 3 at verse 12. Put on, therefore, as God's elect, holy and beloved, a heart of compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, longsuffering, forbearing one another. And forgiving each other. If any man have a complaint against any, even as the Lord forgave you, so also do you.

1:24 And above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfectness. Now let us again ask God's help and blessing as we come to the study of His Word. Holy Father, we have admonished. We have addressed you as the God of truth in the hymn we have just sung.

1:50 And we know that truth is dear to you. And we confess that by nature we are liars who go astray from the womb speaking lies. We have a predisposition to believe lies. And we ask that by the sword of the Spirit you will come and slay the falsehood in our hearts.

2:14 We long to be captive. To your truth. And so we pray for the help of the Spirit, both for preacher and hearer alike, that your truth may run and have free course and may take up its lodgment in each of our hearts. Help us, we pray, through Christ our Lord.

2:37 Amen. In an ancient confessional statement of the Christian church, imprecisely called the Apostles' Creed. These words are found, I believe in the forgiveness of sins. I believe in the forgiveness of sins.

3:08 Now for individuals who have little concern about the holiness and the justice of God. Little concern about their accountability to God and the coming day of the judgment of God. In which even thoughts and words will come within the orbit of God's judgment, forgiveness is no big deal. However for those who take seriously what the Bible teaches and what their own consciences

3:46 affirm concerning their accountability to God. Judgment. And all that that word entails. For such people, Psalm 130, verses 3 and 4, are wonderful, wonderful and blessed good news.

4:10 For they take the posture of the Psalmist crying out, if you, the infinitely holy, inflexibly just God, if you should mark, that is record, so as to bring into judgment every sin that you sinned, if you, should mark iniquity, oh Lord, who could stand? But, blessed but, there is forgiveness with you, that you may be feared. And according to the teaching of scripture, those who embrace that forgiveness provided

4:51 by God for hell deserving sinners, the person who embraces that forgiveness provided by God for hell deserving sinners, the person who embraces that forgiveness provided by provided in the person and work of the Lord Jesus, is gathered into a community of people called the church,

5:09 concerning which we can say as one of their fundamental aspects of their identity, they are a forgiven group of sinners who become a forgiving group of sinners. And because forgiveness is so central to the message of the Bible, we have been considering for some weeks now the biblical teaching on forgiveness with particular emphasis upon that forgiveness that we extend one to another. I began this series in the first few messages in seeking to establish the centrality of the doctrine of forgiveness.

Distinguishing Forgiveness from Apologizing and Trust

5:52 I sought then to extract from the scriptures a definition and description of what forgiveness is, both horizontal forgiveness, divine forgiveness, I'm sorry, vertical divine forgiveness, and horizontal or relational forgiveness, focusing particularly on the fact that the pattern for our forgiving one another is to be God's forgiveness of us. We are to forgive even as God in Christ forgave us. I then addressed four common mistakes about this matter of forgiveness, particularly our horizontal forgiveness,

6:30 and then last Lord's Day I began to set before you what I called some vital practical pastoral perspectives concerning forgiveness. And the first was this, that the common practice of apologizing and the biblical pattern of seeking forgiveness are not identical and interchangeable things. The common practice of apologizing and the biblical pattern of seeking forgiveness are not identical and interchangeable things. The common practice of apologizing and the biblical pattern of seeking forgiveness are not identical and interchangeable things.

7:06 I sought to describe and illustrate what the common practice of apologizing is. I then identified the three things in common apologizing which make it fall short of the biblical concept of confessing, seeking, and receiving forgiveness of sin. And then I sought to analyze what an apology may be from the best thing it can be, to the worst thing that it often is when we use it as a substitute for the flesh-withering, grace-exalting, biblical pattern of owning our sin as sin and seeking the forgiveness of another for that sin.

7:49 Now this morning I want to address the second of these practical pastoral perspectives regarding forgiveness, and I've chosen to state it this way. The conferring, the conferral of gospel forgiveness and the restoration of damaged trust are separate and distinct issues. Let me repeat that. The conferral of gospel forgiveness, that is, someone comes to me and says, my brother, I sinned against you in this or that issue.

8:29 Will you forgive me? And I say, in the presence of my brother or sister, in the presence of God, I make this commitment. Yes, I do forgive you. I extend the promise that I will not willfully allow this thing ever again to come to mind.

8:51 When it does, I'll push the delete button of the mind and of the soul. I will not raise the issue with you ever again. I will not speak of it to others. And I will not say, and I will not allow it to remain a barrier in our relationship.

9:08 I forgive you. And that's the pledge. That's the promise that I am making the conferral of gospel forgiveness and the restoration of damaged trust. In some sins, there has been a damaging of the trust that exists between two people, sometimes between one people and a large group of people.

9:33 And I'm asserting, and I hope to demonstrate from the scriptures that this conferral of gospel forgiveness and the restoration of damaged trust, that is the restoring of trust that has been damaged. These are not one in the same things. They are separate and distinct issues. And as with so many other aspects of the biblical teaching of forgiveness, there is a difference between the two.

10:03 There is a difference between the two. There is much fuzzy thinking that results in unbiblical action. People carrying around guilt that they should not carry. Because though they have been enabled by God to confer freely and joyfully gospel forgiveness, they've not been able to bring themselves immediately to confer restored trust.

10:26 And yet some people tell them they ought to do it. If they've really forgiven, then the relationship ought to be as though the sin never existed. And so they carry false guilt. And then there are others who emotionally manipulate people.

10:39 If you've forgiven me, then why don't you trust me in this area? I thought forgiveness meant the issue was buried. There's much fuzzy thinking that results in unbiblical action. And remember, the great pattern of sanctification is Paul lays it out in Romans 12 to there is to be the constant renewing of the mind that we may prove.

11:04 That is, work out in our experience the good, acceptable and perfect will of God. And sooner or later, every child of God who's seeking to be obedient to all that the Bible teaches about forgiveness, both divine forgiveness and human forgiveness, will have to come to grips with this matter and recognize that the conferral of gospel forgiveness and the restoration of damaged trust are separate. And distinct issues and that the principles that are operative in the one are not the same as the biblical principles operative in the other.

Case Study: John and Mary's Marital Infidelity

11:45 Now, perhaps the best way to bring the distinction into sharp focus is to do what I did last Lord's Day. And in terms of what I normally get, the feedback that helps me to know whether or not I'm doing any good to anyone and how I'm doing good. A number of you did mention enough that give me to believe it was helpful. By giving you those little case histories to articulate the principle.

12:08 Some of you said you found it very helpful. So that's what I want to do this morning. I want to set before you a fictional or contrived study. Now, this could be true, but this is not a transcript of anything that ever really happened in my study in the counseling session.

12:22 So no one needs to sit there and wonder what is he talking about? No, it is all made up, but it could be true. And I'm giving you this contrived, this fictional, little historical, biographical snippet in order to help you to see the difference between these two things. Gospel forgiveness conferred and damaged trust restored.

12:50 I want you to think of John and Mary, a couple who've been married for 20 years. They were both converted in their college years and began to court in those years. And as they saw emerging qualities of godly, manhood and womanhood and seeking proper counsel from parents and pastors and wise, mature people, they came to the conviction that they could marry in faith and glorify God in that marriage. And so they were married.

13:19 They've been married now for 20 years. They are members of a biblically ordered church, and they have three children ages 17, 14 and 12. Now, don't ask me how I came up with those ages. Just this is just a story.

13:33 This is spun out at my desk, and I can't give you reasons for everything in the story. All right, so don't sit this. Now, I didn't have three kids. Is it because he's got three kids?

13:41 And is that the space? No, I deliberately chose the space in different from my kids. So I'm not, I'm not projecting my family situation. So you got John and Mary married for 20 years.

13:52 Both Christians manifesting grace in their lives. They've got their roots deeply embedded in a biblically ordered church. Three children, 17, 14 and 12. During the 20 years of their marriage, neither one has given the other a whisper of a reason to question the other's fidelity to the marriage vows.

14:14 They have 20 plus years. Now listen carefully of earned trust in the bank of their relationship. They began to put some trust in that bank in the period of their courtship. Mary noticed that once John made known his heart was toward her, his eyes were toward her, his speech was toward her.

14:37 He wasn't playing the field with his eyeballs. He showed every manifestation of a man who understood that if there's going to be one woman in my home, in my bed and in my heart, they got to be one woman in my eyeballs and he manifested that. So there was an element of trust already in the bank. When Mary said, I do and likewise with John, he saw in Mary elements of a.

15:03 Chased godly demeanor that persuaded him before he married her, that when she would say forsaking all others, I will cleave to you only or similar vows. He had reason to believe she'd mean that. So there was some trust in the bank when they got married. And now 20 years, they've been putting in a nickel and a dime a day.

15:25 And over 20 years, they've got this bank full of mutual trust. Never has there been anything to cause either one to question the fidelity of the other. All right. And as John has progressed in his career, his responsibilities have increased and no longer.

15:44 Can he count on just putting in an eight-hour day? And so increasingly over the past year, he's had to call up Mary at 515 and say, look, I'll not be home at 530. Like you normally would be said things have to get done tonight. I won't be home till probably around seven o'clock.

16:03 So it was a. A night here and a night there and a night here. Mary never questioned, but the John was at the office working when he came home. She never saw lipstick on his collar.

16:15 She never saw anything that would cause her to have the slightest question. When John says I'm there at the office working, he's got 20 years of credibility and trust in the bank for her to be suspicious, would have been wicked absolute wickedness for where someone has earned. Trust and you don't recognize that trust. That's wickedness on your part.

16:39 Wickedness. All right. So the calls begin to be more frequent. And Mary is a loving wife feels for John sit there in the office and going through supper time and coming home and having to have his supper heated up in the microwave.

16:55 And so this particular week, he's worked late on Monday. He calls her on Wednesday and he says, I'm going to be late again there. Well, Mary has a key to the office. John gave it to her because occasionally he's asked her to go back and get some stuff off his desk and bring it home when he was doing some moonlighting work at home.

17:13 And so she said, well, I'm going to surprise John. I'm going to surprise him and bring the hot meal there when we sit down to eat. I'll have the kids go ahead and eat and I'm going to take the meal down to John. So she shows up at the office this Wednesday night.

17:26 He's called at 515 said I'll be home probably 7 7 30. She shows up at 6 o'clock and when she opens his office door, lo and behold, you know where the stories. He's in a passionate embrace with one of his secretaries. And after the initial shock of both the secretary and John and Mary secretary, high tails at home, they sit down.

17:52 Mary gives vent to her initial reaction, cries and gives vent to everything from anger and hurt and shock. And John comes clean right then and there and tells her for the last three months. You've been carrying on an adulterous relationship. And after they've talked, they're both agreed.

18:13 Look, we need someone to help us sort this whole thing out. They call up the pastor. They have their prayer meeting on Thursday, not Wednesday. So they go to the pastor's home committed study and he walks them through this initial shock.

18:30 And he sees John utterly broken. He comes clean with the whole thing. You're not hiding anything. He's not just telling what he thinks Mary might know.

18:38 He's telling the whole sort of thing. And he literally, literally falls down on his knees. Before her broken man, saying, Mary, Mary, I am so ashamed. And so I have no excuse. There's been nothing in you.

18:53 The fault is in me. It was a case of James one. I allowed the little seed of lust to be planted, thinking I could let the seed be in the garden of my heart. And that's all it would be. But the seed grew.

19:09 Lust, when it has conceived, brings forth and he confesses his sin. He begs Mary. He begs him to forgive him. And in the presence of the pastor, she turns to John and says to him, dear, I'm a forgiven sinner.

19:25 I can do nothing other than extend to you, by the grace of God, gospel forgiveness. It won't be easy, but I'm a forgiven sinner. God has forgiven me an infinitely greater mountain of sin. I must forgive you. I freely forgive you.

19:45 And she's able to go over and put her arms around him. And confirm her free, full, immediate gospel forgiveness. John says, sweetheart, I don't know how you can do that, but I'm so thankful. And he embraces her and says, I receive your forgiveness.

20:05 Now, my question is this. With that conferral of gospel forgiveness, is Mary immediately to confer upon John all the trust of the 20 years? Some of you are going like this. I hope you're going like that.

20:26 If you're going like this, you've been brainwashed into unbiblical thinking. No, you see, he has not only sinned against Mary. And that sin can have gospel forgiveness applied to it then and there in the pastor's study. He has opened up the bank of trust.

20:47 And all the coins that went in, a nickel and a dime at a time for 20 plus years. They've all been scattered on the floor. And Mary's not under obligation to go gather them all up and stick them back in the bank. And say, John, we're right back to where we were before I discovered you in your secretary's arms.

21:07 John must now begin to earn her trust again. The onus is on him to earn it, not on her to confer it. So when he goes back to work, he sits down with the boss. And says, under no circumstances, when I have extra work, is Miss so-and-so ever to be here in the office?

21:39 And then the first night he's got to stay on, he calls home and says, honey, send our 17-year-old with the meal. And her books to do her homework. And let her be in the office next to me after we eat the meal together and do her homework. So I'm attended by someone else in this place to begin to restore your confidence that my late office hours are not my rendezvous place for an adulterous relationship.

22:13 You follow me? And by all the little ways, he must begin to earn back the trust that has been damaged by his sin. Mary is not under obligation. Mary is not under obligation to give it all back to him with her forgiveness.

Characteristics of Gospel Forgiveness

22:34 Now, that's my little case history. Now, what is the fundamental difference? And this is where we come now from my little story to an analysis of the difference between the two things. And then we're going to illustrate the biblical substance of that difference.

22:56 There are two fundamental differences between forgiveness conferred and damaged trust restored. The two main characteristics of gospel forgiveness conferred are these. It is free, undeserved, and a matter of grace. Gospel forgiveness is free, undeserved, and a matter of grace.

23:20 Remember one of the major words for forgiveness? Charizomai? The root word? Charis?

23:27 Grace? Undeserved? Mercy? And kindness of God to those who deserve just the opposite?

23:34 Charizomai? Forgiveness is free, undeserved. It is a matter of grace. That's the word used in Ephesians 4.32.

23:44 Forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. So when Mary says to her covenant-breaking and adulterous husband, I forgive you, this is an act and dispensing of grace. And secondly, that forgiveness is immediately, fully, and irreversibly conferred. When Mary says in the pastor's study, I forgive you, it is no half promise.

24:16 It is no conditional promise. I forgive you halfway. And if you keep your nose clean for the next year, then another quarter. And no, no, no.

24:25 When she says, I forgive you, she is saying with regard to his adulterous behavior, it is a matter, my husband, that I will not allow volitionally, knowingly, to remain on the screen of my mind. When it comes up, I'm pushing the delete button. I will not bring it up to you. I will not speak of it to others.

24:49 And I will not allow it to be a permanent fracture in our relationship. I'm committed to work towards the restoration of the damage that it has brought to the relationship. Those are the two characteristics of gospel forgiveness. Free, undeserved, and a matter of grace.

Characteristics of Trust: Earned, Deserved, and Incremental

25:09 Immediately, fully, irreversibly conferred. Now by contrast, and think carefully with me now, the two characteristics of trust in general and certainly of damaged trust, trust restored, are these. Unlike forgiveness, which is free, undeserved, and a matter of grace, trust is earned, deserved, and a matter of merit. Trust is earned, deserved, and a matter of merit.

25:45 Now where do you find that in your Bible? Well, I'm going to look at a number of passages with you. I want you to turn to Genesis chapter 39. I want to demonstrate that trust brings us into the realm not of grace and undeserved and free, but in the realm of earned, merit, and deserved.

26:10 Genesis 39. Do you remember the story? Joseph is sold by his brothers into Egypt. He's put in the service of this man Potiphar.

26:23 Genesis 39.1. Joseph was brought down to Egypt. And Potiphar and all his brothers, the officer of Pharaohs, captain of the guard and Egyptian, bought him of the hand of the Ishmaelites that had brought him down thither.

26:37 And the Lord was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man, and he was in the house of his master, the Egyptian. And his master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord made all that he did to prosper in his hand. And Joseph found favor in his sight, and he ministered unto him, and he made him overseer over his house, and all that he had he put in his hand. And it came to pass from the time that he made him overseer, and over all that he had, that the Lord blessed the Egyptian's house for Joseph's sake, and the blessing of the Lord was upon all that he had in the house and in the field.

27:20 And he left all that he had in Joseph's hand, and he knew not anything that was with him save the bread that he did eat, and Joseph was comely and well favored. What do we see in these verses? We see Joseph earning the trust of his master by the blessing of God upon Joseph's life and performance. His master seeing this entrusts more and more to him.

27:47 The trust is earned, not gratuitously conferred. Hey, you're a nice looking dude, so I'm going to set you over everything in my house. And hope you'll cut it with your good looks. No.

28:01 The talking about him being a nice looking guy comes at the end of all of the indications that he earned his trust. Matthew 25, 21. When our Lord Jesus gives the parable of the stewardship of God giving talents to his servants. Matthew 25 and verse 21.

28:24 His Lord said unto him, The one who took his five talents and brought five more, well done, good and faithful servant. Now notice. You have been faithful over a few things. I will set you over many things.

28:42 Enter into the joy of your Lord. My servant, you have earned my trust in the little. I will now entrust you with much. You've earned it.

28:54 You've earned it. You've earned it. Trust is a matter. Trust is a matter of earned confidence.

29:02 Luke 16, 10 to 12. We find it again. Luke 16, verses 10 to 12. He that is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much.

29:15 And he that is unrighteous in a little is unrighteous in much. If therefore you have not been faithful in the unrighteous manner, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you've not been faithful in that which is another's, who will give you that which is your own? Do you see what our Lord is saying?

29:35 You want to be entrusted with more? Then prove yourself worthy. Earn the trust of those who track your behavior. And if you show yourself faithful in the little, you will be entrusted with much.

29:52 Acts 16, verses 1 and 2. Just showing that this principle of trust, this principle of trust is earned, deserved, and a matter of merit. Acts 16, 1. Paul came to Derbe and Lystra, and beheld a certain disciple was there named Timothy, the son of a Jewess that believed, but his father was a Greek.

30:17 Now notice. The same was well reported of by the brethren that were at Lystra and Iconium. Him would Paul have to go forth with him. When Paul came into these areas looking for further companions for his missionary journeys, what did he look for?

30:36 He looked for people who had earned the trust of those that knew them best. And there in these two areas, these people knew Timothy, knew him well. And as Paul put his ear to their reports, they said, this man's trustworthy, this man's trustworthy, this man's trustworthy. He found no negative input from those who knew him best.

30:59 He had earned trust. His trust was earned. It wasn't gratuitously confirmed by an apostle. Oh, here's a nice little half-Jew, half-Greek boy.

31:09 He'll be good when we minister to Jews. He'll have some insight there. And if he ministers to the goy boys, he'll have some credibility there. Let me take this.

31:19 No, no, no, no, no, no. Well reported of by all of the brethren. Trust was earned. He was entrusted with the position of being a companion of Paul by earning it.

31:32 1 Timothy chapter 3. 1 Timothy chapter 3. Those that are to be deacons, what must be true of them? 1 Timothy 3 and verse 10.

31:44 And let these first be proved, put to the test. Then let them serve as deacons if they are blameless. Would they be given the responsibility of official office bearing capacity and service in the church? They must earn the right to be trusted.

32:05 They must prove themselves to be blameless. Then let them serve. And then the final text, 2 Timothy 2.2.

32:14 The things that you have heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit to faithful, trustworthy men who shall be able to teach others also. The very word trustworthy. Worthy of trust. We're not worthy of mercy.

32:34 We're not worthy of forgiveness. But we are either worthy or unworthy of trust. It brings us in a totally different orbit of ethical and moral issues. You see, John had earned Mary's trust.

32:52 During their courtship, during their 20 years of marriage, he put a nickel and a dime in that bank every day, every week, every month, every year, and the bank of trust was full. There are men that I have such trust in them that I've expressed it this way. If there were some kind of an earthquake or a catastrophic situation where it was necessary for them to spend the night in my bedroom with me halfway around the house, halfway around the world, I'd trust them in my bedroom with my wife. Absolute confidence.

33:36 Why? They've earned it over decades. Decades. They've earned it.

33:44 Nickel and a dime, nickel and a dime, nickel and a dime, nickel and a dime, nickel and a dime. John had earned her trust. But when he chose to go into that adulterous relationship and be uncovered, the bank of trust was opened and all of the coinage came scattering down on the floor. And now it's got to be put back in, a nickel and a dime at a time.

34:09 And there's a sense in which it may never get as full as it was before he emptied it. It is far more difficult to restore trust when it has been damaged than to earn trust in the first place. There are things that John could do and get away with and no questions would be raised before his infidelity. He'll never be able to do after his infidelity.

34:47 See the difference? Trust is earned. Trust is a matter of desert and of merit. Secondly, unlike forgiveness, which is immediate, mediately, fully, and irreversibly conferred, trust is delayed, it is incremental, and it is reversible.

Biblical Examples of Damaged and Restored Trust: Joseph

35:09 You see the contrast? Trust is delayed. You don't just plop a whole bunch of trust overnight. It is delayed.

35:20 It is incremental. It is earned by bits and pieces and it is reversible from non-trust or no trust to trust, from fractured trust to restored trust. And you see this pattern again in Joseph's life. Let's go back to Genesis.

35:38 This was thrilling to me. I said, Lord, I believe these things are true, and if they're true, there ought to be something in my Bible that makes it plain. And you see this. We're going to look at Joseph, and then we're going to look at John Mark.

35:52 Joseph earned trust. We looked at Genesis 39, 1 to 6. But then his trust is damaged, not by what he did, but by what a frustrated woman said about him. You remember Potiphar's wife.

36:10 And Potiphar believed his wife, and it's a marvel he didn't kill him. I always read that thing and say, Lord, it was your grace that restrained him. I mean, someone does that, and he was in that kind of position. You usually don't throw him in prison.

36:23 You take him out and bury him. But the Lord was merciful. He had purposes for Joseph. And what happens?

36:30 In verses 7 through the end of the chapter, chapter 39, there is trust removed. Here was trust conferred in the first six verses. Now trust is removed, not for anything Joseph did, but what his master perceived that he did. So what happens?

36:50 Well, while Joseph is in prison, he regains trust in the prison context. Look at chapter 39, verses 21 to 23. But the Lord was with Joseph and showed kindness to him and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison. And the keeper of the prison committed to Joseph's hand all the prisoners that were in the prison, and whatsoever they did there, he was the doer of it.

37:18 The keeper of the prison looked not to anything that was under his hand because the Lord was with him and that which he did, the Lord made him to prosper. He had the mightiest touch in prison. Everything Joseph did as an obedient prisoner, the hand of God was upon it, and pretty soon he rises, a cut above all the other prisoners, and the keeper of the prison recognizes it, gives him responsibility, gives him more, until basically he's on a holiday. And Joseph takes over in the prison.

37:50 What happened? He earned trust in that new setting. And with that earned trust came responsibility and privilege. But then, that trust is further increased in prison when you read chapter 40.

38:02 When he interprets the dreams of his fellow prisoners and he gains confidence with those fellow prisoners, and then when you come to chapter 41, you see Joseph now you find Joseph interpreting Pharaoh's dream and trust is not only restored, but granted at new and exponentially greater levels. Chapter 41, 37-45 And the thing was good in the eyes of Pharaoh and the eyes of all his servants. And Pharaoh said to his servants, Can we find such a one as this, a man in whom is the Spirit of God? Pharaoh said to Joseph, For as much as God has showed you all this, be so discreet and wise as you are.

38:46 You shall be over my house, and according to your word shall all my people be ruled, and only in the throne will I be greater than you. Pharaoh said to Joseph, I have set you over all of the land of Egypt. And there you have the record of how Joseph's conduct was such that he earns back trust. No doubt Pharaoh had heard about the Potiphar issue.

39:10 How did that man get in prison? Well, he got in prison because of Joseph's conduct. And there may have been some questions at first. But whatever questions were there in the mind of Pharaoh from the Potiphar wife issue, Joseph's conduct regained the trust and the confidence to the point where he is given a sphere of influence and responsibility far beyond that which he previously had.

Biblical Examples of Damaged and Restored Trust: John Mark

39:36 Now you see this in the case of John Mark as well. John Mark is a beautiful case study in which he says when trust recognized and earned, then trust betrayed and then trust regained. Who was this John Mark? Well, he appears in Acts chapter 12 and verse 12.

40:01 He was a member of the church in Jerusalem. His mother Mary, an influential woman in the church, Acts 12 and verse 12. Peter gets released from prison and he comes to the house of Mary, whose surname was Mark, where many were gathered together and prayed. John was his Hebrew name, Mark was his Greek name.

40:23 Alright, so he had two names. His surname was Mark, John his Jewish name, Mark his, not his Greek, but his Roman name. And he appears here obviously someone deeply embedded in the life of the church at Jerusalem. Now the next time we see him is in chapter 12 and verse 25.

40:45 John and Saul come to Jerusalem and we read that when they had fulfilled their ministration they take with them John whose surname was Mark. They've come to Jerusalem with an offering. They're going to go back to Antioch which is the base of their missionary operations and in their interaction with the church at Jerusalem like Timothy, apparently they hear such reports about Mark. And Barnabas was his uncle.

41:12 So he knew something in terms of the family understanding of one another. He had some measure of earned trust. And with that they take him with him. Now what does he do?

41:28 Well, the next time we find him is in chapter 13. The Spirit of God says to Paul and to Barnabas they are to be separated unto the work to which God has called them. And we read in verse 5 of Acts 13 and when they were at Salamis they proclaimed the word of God in the synagogue of the Jews attended. What did he do?

41:50 Well, we're not sure. But he certainly was not on the level of Barnabas as the equal almost companion with Paul. At first it's Barnabas who seems to be the leader of the missionary team and then from there on it's Paul who is the leader. He's their attendant.

42:04 Sort of an apprenticeship. He's earned trust. He's earning more trust as they see him working in ministry. But then we read in verse 13 of this chapter Paul and his company set sail from Paphos to Perga in Pamphylia on the southern central shore of what is now the land of Turkey.

42:22 And John departed from them and returned to Jerusalem. A difficult journey lay before them. It may have been a difficult passage across that bit of water that they had to cross. Who knows? But all we know from this passage

42:39 is John made a decision to leave them and go back home to Mama. Go back to his home church. We're not told precisely why he did it. But now the next time he comes into the picture and be patient folks, I'm trying to get you rooted in your Bible on this issue.

42:55 We find in Acts chapter 15 that after this council at Jerusalem where they're discussing the whole issue is it necessary to be circumcised and keep the Mosaic law to be saved and the issue is resolved under apostolic guidance in the church at Jerusalem with men from the church at Antioch. After some days verse 36, Paul said to Barnabas let's return now, visit the brethren in every city where we proclaim the word of the Lord and see how they fare. Barnabas was minded to take with them John also who was called Mark. But Paul thought not good to take with them him who withdrew from them

43:39 from Pamphylia and went not with them to the work. Now the issue is beginning to be clear. Paul says no we go out again and face all of the difficulties all of the uncertainties of missionary endeavor with all of its physical liabilities and all of its dangers in travel. This is the young man who had earned a measure of trust so much so that we took him with us. We made

44:12 him our attendant and while we are pressing forward into a new endeavor of gospel enterprise he thinks out and quits and he goes back to mama and he goes back to Jerusalem and Paul says when Barnabas says let's take him along with us again he says no. This is the man who was like the man described in the proverb confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth and like a foot out of joint. We were ready to bite down on a new gospel enterprise we had a busted tooth named John Mark

44:55 we were about to run in a new area of gospel endeavor and our ankle was out of joint and the ankle's name was John Mark no sure. Until he re-earns trust and there is sufficient evidence that what happened when he left us was not the unveiling of a fundamental character weakness but a temporary relapse from indwelling sin and Paul says I'm not sure which it was. Sometimes a person's character is not really known until you're thrown into the fire of difficulty then the real person

45:38 emerges. Paul says wait a minute. The real John Mark may not have been the guy who was at the prayer meeting when Peter got loose from prison the real John Mark may not be the fella who is looked upon with respect and confidence in mama's house and in his home church and in his comfortable surroundings the real John Mark may be the quitter who turned heel and left us let time pass until we find out who is the real John Mark Barnabas says no I want to take him was John

46:23 was Barnabas influenced by the bloodlines by his desire to please Mary I don't know but you look at the passage and it's clear there arose a sharp contention so they parted asunder strong language from one another Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus but Paul chose Silas and went forth being commended by the brethren to the grace of the Lord there's no indication that the church validated Barnabas' choice of Mark and his endeavor they went away but when Paul chooses Silas it is clear the church

47:06 the church that had sent Paul and Barnabas when the spirit of God said separate them that church under the guidance of the spirit recognized and validated Paul's reservations about Mark now did that mean in Paul's eyes he thinked out he showed himself to have a yellow belly he turned heel strike him off forever no no because he shows up again in little places in the New Testament you know the next time we read about it Paul's in prison at Rome and lo and behold you know who's there

47:51 look at the book of Philemon the book of Philemon and verse 23 Epaphras my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus and so do Mark Aristarchus Demas Luke my fellow workers hey something happened changed the color of his belly there identified with Paul at Rome and in the epistle sent at the same time the epistle of Colossians he appears again Colossians chapter 4 Colossians chapter 4

48:34 notice what is said 4 and verse 10 Aristarchus my fellow prisoner greets you and Mark the cousin of Barnabas touching whom you received commandment if he come to you receive him probably a reference to the Philemon passage because Philemon was a member of the church at Colossae and so he's just underscoring it again whatever you may have heard about him you receive him he's the real thing and so much the real thing

49:17 that the last time we hear about him is in Paul's swan song 2 Timothy chapter 4 and notice what he now says only Luke is with me chapter 4 verse 11 take Mark and bring him with you for he is useful to me for ministry isn't that beautiful take Mark bring him with you he has once again earned my trust trust initially earned trust damaged but now trust restored

50:01 but it didn't come with whatever forgiveness Paul extended to Mark when he first recognized that he had sinned and grieved the servants of God had dishonored his calling and his commitments but with that confession and conferral of forgiveness which I believe we have every right to believe occurred though there is no explicit reference to it Paul did not immediately say well he's confessed it he's forgiven now we go back and put him right back where he was no because when trust is betrayed that bank is emptied you don't scoop up all the coinage and force it

50:45 back in now then I trust from these passages you have carried your conscience that gospel forgiveness freely forgiven and damaged trust restored are two different things coming back to our hypothetical case of John and Mary while Mary fully freely irreversibly forgives John all of his adulterous acts you've all agreed at least by the shaking of your head most of you that she's not obligated to trust him as she trusted him before the infidelity he damaged the trust and the onus is on him to do all within his power

Practical Pastoral Applications of the Distinction

51:30 to repair the damaged trust over time by bits and pieces and listen carefully the onus is on Mary not to act as though the twenty years of fidelity never existed and to be a shrew and treat him as though he'd been a common adulterer for twenty years and had not manifested twenty years of fidelity she's got a responsibility to be reasonable in putting back the coins into the bank of trust now what applications are vital I've said that these things

52:14 touch us where we live I want to bring forth several practical pastoral applications number one understanding this principle will help to guard us from unbiblical sentimentalism in dealing with sins that have damaged trust understanding this principle will help us to guard from unbiblical sentimentalism in dealing with sin which has damaged trust someone who has the trust of a congregation is in spiritual leadership grievously sins manifest deep and thorough repentance then comes the wash of sentimentalism well the brother is

52:58 really repentant and forgiven the issue is dealt with in behind why should he step down from ministry why should he step down from his office I'll tell you why he should step down because he has betrayed trust and that trust cannot simply be conferred by a wave of the hand and it is not being pharisaic for a congregation to say no we have no question about that man's repentance but as far as having the trust for spiritual leadership it will be some time if ever that it can be regained I settled in my mind very early in my life

53:43 as a servant of God that if I ever betrayed public trust in the ministry in scandalous sin my mouth would be shut for the rest of my days in pastoral ministry I settled that before God you who watch me at the door everything that lives and breathes and walks I can hug it kiss it embrace it and no one raises a question about my motives one indiscreet touch

54:28 one indiscreet act and the trust of forty years goes down the tubes the father says I don't want that man hugging my daughter what's he thinking about your husband said I don't want that man kissing my wife on the cheek what's he got in his mind one act that's all it's a serious thing to be given the trust of a company of God's people it's a sacred trust a sacred trust may God keep us from the sloshy sentimentalism that refuses to make this distinction furthermore

55:12 understanding this principle will help to guard us from being emotionally manipulated by those whom we have forgiven but whose sin has damaged trust sometimes people say well I've confessed my sin you said you've forgiven me why can't we go back to square one in human relationships no trust has been damaged and work must be done to restore it don't let people emotionally manipulate you you can look someone straight in the eye and say as best I know before God I've made that four pronged commitment of true forgiveness but you've shattered my trust in you and it's going to be a long while before I'll be able to trust you in that area now I'm willing to have

55:56 you regain my trust but the onus is on you to regain it it's not on me I didn't betray the trust you did you did you children you think of this when you are tempted to be dishonest with your parents who've come to trust you believing that when you open your mouth you speak the truth you think is it worth it whatever you think you're going to gain by a lie is it worth it when the lie is discovered and trust is shattered you think about it don't you come whining to mom and dad well I confess my lie why don't you trust me because I

56:39 trusted you and you betrayed that trust serious business thirdly understanding this principle will help to guard us from an unbiblical pharisaic rigidity in dealing with those who have damaged trust taking the posture well you've destroyed trust you never can regain it you've destroyed trust you don't have to take the posture then you can you say I took a step back and I stepped back and I told myself I was taking the wrong

57:22 position you were like a stone I was like a rock you were like a stone He's the real thing. That's a wonderful thing. You've got to have a heart that is ready to recognize the trust regained, re-earned, and reconstituted. Understanding this principle will help to guard us in the midst of temptation to sins which would damage earned trust.

57:58 I've already alluded to that. But this has been a great means of dealing with certain sins in my own life. To look at the sin and say, what would this sin do in damaging trust? Look it straight in the eye and say no.

58:20 No, trust is too dear and precious a commodity. Earned a nickel and a dime at a time over the long haul. Am I prepared to throw it all away for some temporal, sensuous, personal pleasure? God help you.

Appreciating Gospel Forgiveness in Christ

58:41 To think through this issue. And then finally, wrestling with these kinds of principles should make us all appreciate afresh the wonder and the glory of gospel forgiveness offered to sinners in Jesus Christ. He justifies the ungodly. We've got no earned trust before God.

59:03 He doesn't ask us to bring any. He says, come in all your untrustworthiness. Come in all your foul, wretched, stinking. Rotten, sinful self.

59:15 And I'll receive you. I'll receive you. Because of my trustworthy son. I gave to my son the trust of the salvation of all of his people.

59:29 And he committed himself in pursuit of that trust to live a perfect life in our human condition under the demands of the law. And he committed himself to take our place. In receiving all of the wrath of God for our law breaking. Our trust breaking.

59:50 And in Jesus Christ we have the perfectly trustworthy one. The father could speak from heaven and say, this is my son, my beloved one. In whom I'm well pleased. My unconverted friend.

60:06 When you think of forgiveness, never move far from this center point. In Jesus Christ, God offers you full freedom. Unqualified, irreversible forgiveness. For the blood of Jesus Christ, God's son, cleanses us from all sin.

60:28 May God help us. I trust this study has not confused you. But has helped you as we seek by the grace of God to think biblically of this difference between gospel forgiveness, freely conferred, and damaged trust. But incrementally restored by the grace of God.

Prayer

60:51 Let's pray.

60:56 Our father, we pray that you would seal your word to our hearts. Help us in our interactions one with another. In all of the awareness of our sin and our failures. Help us, oh God, we pray.

61:12 That we may be a people who are trustworthy. And where we in any way destroy or damage trust. That we will, by your grace, do all within our power by the Holy Spirit. To see that trust restored.

61:30 Damaged trust healed. God, help us, we pray. We look to you for your grace. To give us wisdom in the application of these things in all of our human relationships.

61:44 Seal then your word to our prophet and to your praise, we pray. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen.