Gaining the Respect and Confidence of Men

The Axiom: Earning Respect and Confidence

0:03 Now we take up again, brethren, the whole matter of the essential elements of effective pastoral preaching as they relate to the man of God himself, and we've considered this broad subject in several large subcategories. First of all, the man before his God spiritually, intellectually, physically, and emotionally, and now we are considering the man of God in relationship to his people. And thus far we've opened up two basic axioms by asserting that the man of God must experience a growing measure of unfeigned love for his people if he is to profit them by his preaching, and secondly, he must experience an increasing measure of deliverance from the fear of his people. And in my own reading this week, I came across an incident that I just had to put on as a P.S. that underscored so eloquently this principle of speaking in the fear of God. In an article in this Symposium on the Preacher and Preaching, edited by Samuel

1:18 Logan, R.C. Spruill makes the point that the pulpit is a place where the fear of God must be paramount. I once asked a preacher if he was intimidated by the presence of a national celebrity in his congregation. He said, no, why should I be? I speak in front of God every Sunday morning. And I thought how beautifully that states. No, he wasn't intimidated by a national celebrity in front of him because he spoke in the presence of the celebrity of the universe every Sunday morning. And then in rereading some sections in Bridges, I came across that choice, quote,

2:04 On the bottom of page 124 in the same vein, what said John Welsh, a fervent Scottish minister, son-in-law to the celebrated John Knox, that I should regard or fear the face of any man when I remember and assure myself that I am standing before that sacred and glorious majesty whose word in his very sight I am preaching to his servants and preachers. Believe me, when this thought enters my mind, I could not pay any regard to the face of any man, even if I wished ever so much to do so. So the whole concept of preaching as before the face of God and in the sight of God was the great antidote in the minds of these men to that crippling fear of men. Now we come today to the third.

3:05 Division of this matter of the man before or among or in relationship to his people. And I want to state the whole concern in this one axiom. The man of God must earn an increasing measure of respect and confidence from his people. He must earn an increasing measure of respect and confidence from his people.

3:37 Grow in unfeigned love to them, experience increasing measures of deliverance from fearing them, but he must also earn an increasing measure of respect and confidence from them. Now at the outset, by way of introduction, I want to give a word, first of all, of justification for the language of that axiom. And then a word of qualification. First of all, the word of justification.

Justification and Qualification of 'Earning'

4:16 God's scheme of redemption is essentially and pervasively a system of grace. Ephesians 2.8 For by grace you have been saved. In such a system, one should be very suspicious of any use of the word earn.

4:38 Especially in the light of a passage such as Romans 4. Now to him who works, the reward is not reckoned as of grace, but of debt. But to him who works not, but believes on him that justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. However, the commodities of respect and confidence are of necessity and in their very nature earned commodities.

5:09 No amount of grace. In the heart of God or man can ever operate to confer respect and confidence.

5:27 Grace can confer forgiveness. Grace can confer many other spiritual commodities. But grace cannot in its very nature convey respect and confidence.

5:45 They must be earned. And they must be earned. And over a long period of time, once earned, they are never immune from being lost.

6:02 Now the one who earns them, if he knows anything of how grace works, will attribute all of his earning power to the grace of God.

6:13 He will say with Paul, I am what I am by the grace of God. So if you are enabled so to live, week in, week out. Month in, month out. Year in, year out.

6:27 In a manner that increasingly earns respect and confidence from your people, you will acknowledge that the ability so to earn their respect is all of grace. You will acknowledge you have nothing but what you have received. You are what you are by the grace of God. And when you have done all, you are still an unprofitable servant.

6:48 So the system of grace is not divorced from this earning power. It is very much bound up in it. But in the whole matter of receiving respect and confidence, don't expect your people to confer them upon you graciously. You must earn them.

7:12 So there's my word of justification for using the word earn when it is so foreign to a system of grace. But then I want to give a word of qualification. While we'll be addressing ourselves to the confidence and respect earned over the long haul, I'm well aware that some measure of respect and confidence are attached to the office itself. Just as scripture commands respect and honor to the king because he is the king, so there is a sense in which the people of God are to honor and esteem those who hold the office because of the nature of the office.

7:55 The nature of that office. 1 Thessalonians 5, 11, and 12.

8:04 However, unless we would resort to Romish superstition and reconstruct the mindless awe and confidence of medieval darkness in the clergy, the bulk of the raw materials of the respect and confidence which we seek must be earned by the quality and patterns of grace, the quality and patterns of grace, the quality and patterns of grace, the quality and patterns of grace, the quality and patterns of grace, and the quality of life lived before our people. Day in, day out, week in, week out, year in, year out, we come back to the stalactite, stalagmite imagery. Your life will either be drip by drip, drop by drop, building up this massive stalactite of respect and confidence, or, like the water that drips upon the hard rock, or, like the water that drips upon the hard rock, it will slowly but surely erode that confidence and cut great gouges in whatever measure of respect and confidence was given to you at the outset out of deference to your office. But even within that office, your own performance can erode the measure of that confidence and respect. And when that happens, I don't care if you preach like a...

9:29 In a pastoral situation, the great effect of your ministry will, for the most part, be neutralized. Now, if you're just a visiting evangelist, it may be different. Or if you drop down for a weekend of ministry, it may be different. But we're talking about the essential elements of effective pastoral preaching with the assumption that you men will, by and large, be found in a long-term relationship to your people, as under shepherds.

10:01 So I wanted to give that word of justification for using the term earn, and then the word of qualification.

Scriptural Basis for Earning Respect

10:11 Now then, in opening up the subject, what I want to do is to set before you three major divisions of the material. First of all, to demonstrate the scriptural basis for this axiom, this perspective. Secondly, articulate the specific areas of crucialness, and the actual concern with reference to this axiom. And then finally, to give some concluding observations on this vital issue.

10:40 First of all, then, I want to demonstrate the scriptural basis for this axiom. As with all of these matters, we must have our thinking honed by the word of God, or, to change the imagery, hammered out on the anvil of Holy Scripture. Now, the foundation of this whole dimension of concern is clearly laid in the nature of the biblical requirements for all who would be overseers in Christ's flock.

11:15 And those requirements begin in their formal statement in 1 Timothy 3.1 with these words familiar to all of you. Faithful is the saying, if a man seeks the office of a bishop or an overseer, he desires a good work. The bishop there, therefore, must be without reproach.

11:37 No just cause for censure in the overall patterns of his life as a man and as a Christian. Likewise, in Titus chapter 1 and verse 5. I should say verse 6. If any man is blameless, there is no just cause to blame him for glaring inconsistencies, and putting the two together, what are we saying?

12:07 We are saying that his whole overall pattern of life must be one that commends him as a mature, consistent Christian. And, therefore, it will not be difficult to respect him when he speaks of divine truth, or to have confidence in him as he opens up the ways and ways, and word of God. If your task is to shepherd the flock of God, to lead them into Christian maturity by teaching, reproof, correction, instruction in righteousness, you must command the respect and confidence of those to whom you minister as one who in some degree exemplifies the very standard that you set before them. The basic respect, respect and confidence expressed when you are initially recognized as an elder must grow and increase as you live and perform in your office. Time will either confirm to the flock the wisdom exercised in their initial judgment, or will lead them inwardly, if not outwardly, to repent that they ever, by their common suffrage,

13:33 acknowledged you as a gift of Christ to them. And once the respect and confidence erodes in their hearts, it will have a direct effect upon the size and the quality of their ears. Once confidence and respect erode in their hearts, there will be direct effect upon their ears. Now, to those already engaged in a preaching leadership role, this emphasis comes through again and again in the pastoral epistles.

14:15 A couple of specimen passages. 1 Timothy, chapter 4. Paul has given to Timothy many directives to implement in the church at Ephesus. And in the midst of telling him to do this and that with reference to official ministerial duty, he turns to Timothy himself and says, in 1 Timothy 4 and in verse 12, these very important words, let no man despise thy youth.

14:43 And here you have kata phroneo. Let no one look down upon you because of your youth. And when you look down upon someone, whatever else may be said, you are no longer respecting them, nor do you have confidence in them. Let no one look down upon you because of your youth, but be an example to them and believe in word, in manner of life, in love, in faith, in purity.

15:12 In other words, continue to hold a grip over men's ears by the respect and confidence secured by your pattern of life. In Titus 2 and verse 15, you have a different preposition in front of the verb phroneo. Here you have the compound word peri-phroneo. Let no one look around you or think around you.

15:39 In other words, let no one say, well, I can accept what you say only if I don't look at the one who's saying it. What a horrible state when that happens. But in Titus 2.15, these things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority.

15:55 Let no man despise thee. Translated the same way in the English but a different word in the Greek. You have the kata phroneo in 1 Timothy 4.12.

16:05 You have peri-phroneo. I believe the only place used in the New Testament. But it's one of those times when you look at this strict etymology of the word. It very graphically illustrates what happens emotionally and mentally and psychologically.

16:20 It's a terrible thing when people have to look around the instrument conveying truth in order to receive and appreciate the truth. Rather, they should be able to look straight at the man as the embodiment of the truth he preaches. Titus 2 and verse 7. In all things showing yourself a pattern of good works.

16:38 He's been telling Titus, tell the older men do this, the older women do this, this, this, this. And he says, in all of that may they not have to look around you to receive the instruction but may they be able to look to you with respect and confidence because they see you by the grace of God embodying those very principles. Now it should be evident to us then that this is no optional or secondary issue in the maintenance of effective pastoral preaching. We're back to Paul's statement in 2 Corinthians 4 too.

17:13 It is not enough that we merely give an open display of the truth, not handling the word of God deceitfully, not walking in craftiness, renouncing the hidden things of shame, but we ought to be able to commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. We ought to be able to commend ourselves not as perfectly sanctified sinners, not as those who have attained giddy heights of spiritual attainment, but as those whose walk in spiritual integrity before men demands their confidence and their respect. Now this is the price you'll have to pay if you're going to preach effectively year in, year out with people who know you with more and more intimacy and accuracy. That's the price you'll have to pay. The determination that at any cost I shall maintain and increase by the grace of God in the measure of respect and confidence that my people are prepared to give to me. Alright?

Giant Killer #1: Laziness

18:20 Secondly now, and this is the bulk of the lecture today, I want to articulate or focus upon the areas of crucial concern with reference to this perspective. Articulate the areas of crucial concern with respect to this perspective. Now in one sense it's accurate to say that any sin or any lack of grace sustained over any period of time will erode respect and confidence. However, I wish to focus on the giants, the giant killers of respect and confidence in the work of the ministry.

19:02 And the basis on which I've settled on these seven things and not another ten is threefold. First, an observation of men in the ministry for close to thirty-five years. Secondly, a continuing exposure to the proven guides who've written on this issue. So we lock into the decades of observation of men like Bridges, men such as Richard Baxter, Dabney, John Brown, Spurgeon, and a host of lesser known men.

19:46 And then thirdly, the input of the people of God and their reaction to men in the ministry. So in choosing these seven major causes of the erosion of respect and confidence in pastors, I am not selecting them arbitrarily. I am not merely projecting them in terms of my own particular areas of struggle. I've sought to, as much as possible, have respect to this threefold database observing men with my own eyes in the work of the ministry, exposure to the proven guides, and then the input of the people of God within the sphere of my own ministerial experience. Alright, here are the same seven main killers of respect and confidence. Number one, laziness. Laziness.

20:46 Ministerial laziness. Respect will be weakened and lost if your people have any just reason to suspect you of laziness or sloth. Any disinclination to work or to exert yourself with devotion to the labors of the ministry. You will be supported by the gifts of God's people in order to do what is said in 1 Timothy 5, 17.

21:23 That is, to labor, to copiato, to labor unto toil and pain in the word and in doctrine. Or the vivid imagery of 1 Corinthians 9, 6-14 when Paul says God has ordained that they who preach the gospel should live of the gospel. In the context, Paul uses very strong verbs to describe the nature of that work of preaching the gospel. 1 Corinthians 9, 6-14 And from these verbs we learn that this is no fool's errand.

22:08 Or I and Barnabas have we not a right to forbear working what soldier ever serves at his own charges? He uses the imagery of a soldier. He uses the imagery of a keeper of vines. He uses the imagery of a husbandman.

22:27 He uses the imagery of a dairy farmer. And then he speaks of the ox who treads. And in the midst of these things he says that the Lord has ordained that they who preach the gospel preach it in the context of imagery that speaks of that task being a laboring task. He uses the imagery of the ox who treads and in the midst of this laboring task.

22:56 Now let me get more specific. First of all let me say a word about laziness in general. Laziness in general that is lack of whole hearted zeal in any or some or all facets of your ministerial labor will be resented by the people because they will feel that you are indulging a form of ecclesiastical relief. The whole welfare system is being abused in their eyes.

23:30 They know enough of their Bibles to know that according to 2 Thessalonians 3.6 a person who refuses to put in adequate labor for the compensation necessary to provide food should be left to have his stomach play a tune on his backbone. If any man will not work let him not eat. And then he is to be marked as a disorderly man.

23:57 An ordinary church member. What is it in one who is being given the fruit of a man's sweaty brow to labor in the word and in doctrine and the man earns the reputation for being lazy in general. The people of God will resent it and rightly so. And the person you resent on just grounds it's hard for you to respect and have confidence in particularly in spiritual matters.

24:25 The man in the world and slack in his work it generally will show up in his time card in the absence of promotions and in his being the first to be given his pink slip when there needs to be a cut back. So brethren since you don't have a time card to punch beware of addiction to TV to sports to puttering around the house beware of everything and anything that would cause you to earn the reputation justly for being a lazy man in general. Listen to the scathing words of Ezekiel to the shepherds of Israel in chapter 34 verses 1 to 4 prophesy against the shepherds of Israel prophesy and say unto them even to the shepherds woe to the shepherds of Israel that do feed themselves should not the shepherds feed the sheep you eat the fat you clothe you with the wool you kill the fatlings but you do not feed the sheep the diseased you have not strengthened neither have you healed that which was sick neither have you bound up that which was broken neither have you brought back that which is driven

25:54 away neither have you let the sheep go away neither have you broken the law of the ephod and the law of the law of the law of the law of the law of the law of the law of the law of the law the purity of his motives in the work of the gospel. In saying to the Ephesian elders in Acts 20, 34, and 35, having stated that he coveted no man's silver, gold, or apparel, he said, You yourselves know, and I can just picture him stretching out loud hands that had pulled thousands of yards of leather and other commodities as a tent maker. You yourselves know that these hands ministered unto my necessities and to all that were with me in all things I gave you an example that so laboring you ought to help the weak and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus that he himself said it is more blessed to give than to receive. A similar emphasis comes through

27:22 in 1 Thessalonians 2, 8, and 9. We were willing to employ a heart unto you, not the gospel of God only, but our very souls, the very principle of life,

27:34 because you were become dear to us.

27:37 In a very obscure book, probably went through only one edition, The Minister's Obstacles by Ralph Turnbull. It has some very excellent material. Turnbull comments on this matter of laziness. Laziness through religious fussing about with trifles is an idleness for which, God will bring us into judgment.

28:02 Laziness through religious fussing about with trifles. Fussing about with trifles. But religious fussing about with trifles is an idleness for which, God will bring us into judgment. Brethren, beware of any patterns of laziness in general, but now more specifically under this matter of laziness.

28:27 You let your people suspect you or be aware of the undeniable evidences of laziness in your sermon preparation, and all respect and all confidence will erode.

28:41 As you already suspect and as you will increasingly see, the production of exegetically sound, theologically balanced, deliciously served sermons, week after week, month after month, year after year, thank you, is just plain hard work. Now it's interlaced with moments of ecstasy, moments of great delight, times when you'll sit at your desk in the midst of discovery and say, I can't believe I'm getting paid to do this. This is the most wonderful thing in the world.

29:16 But those will be the exceptional moments. By and large, Paul's realism comes through laboring in the Word and in doctrine. He didn't say shouting your way through, floating your way through in gales of spiritual ecstasy. He said it's going to be laboring, wandering in the Word and in doctrine.

29:35 And the production of exegetically sound, theologically balanced, deliciously served sermons week after week, month after month, is just plain hard work. Whatever the measure of native gift you may have, whatever tools you've acquired in this place or any other place, the difference between mediocrity and excellence is hard work over the long haul. The difference, the difference between a Jack Nicklaus and others who had equal native raw golfing talent, but who've maybe never won one major tournament while he's won, what, 17 or however it is? He's up at the, close to the all-time list. Golf is not my thing, but occasionally the golden bear gets press in strange places. It's hard work. You know what hard work is?

30:32 It means for him going out sometimes three and four hours hitting a four-iron shot if that's where he feels his golf game is weak until, with all the calluses accrued over many years of playing golf, he still brings out bleeding blisters on his hands. I'll never forget the first time I either read that or heard that in an interview.

30:55 It matters no matter what a man's native musical talent is. I remember one young man who placed fourth in the International Beethoven Festival. In, I believe it was in Vienna some years ago. He used to be a member of our church.

31:11 And on one given occasion when he was preparing for that particular contest, I found that in two days he had practiced 20 hours. 20 hours!

31:28 20 hours! And the men who make it and stay at the top of their voice game like a Luciano Pavarotti, they do their scales and their, their octaves and their vocalizing two hours a day till the day of their death. Because if they don't use it, they lose it. And it's equally true of any competence in the work of preaching.

31:58 And if your people are not worth it to you to give yourself to the arduous task of laboring in the word and in doctrine and you begin to go lazy in your sermon preparation, Abraham Lincoln's statement will soon be true. You can fool some of the people all the time. All of the people some of the time. But you can't fool all the people all the time.

32:26 And gray hairs will begin to show themselves here and there in the quality of your sermonic deliverances. And when it's to be attributed to nothing but laziness, you've had it in terms of the respect and the confidence of your people. Why should they, they take the word of God seriously in listening when you don't take it seriously in preparing. And all the blow and the heat and the fire and the thumping on the pulpit will not make up for lack of substance, lack of clarity, lack of structure that are due to laziness.

33:03 Now listen to Baxter.

33:06 When he gets on an issue and take, as it were, a spiritual poker and put it where it needs to be put. Oh, brethren, do not shrink and tremble under, do you not shrink and tremble under the sense of all this work? Will a common measure of holy skill and ability or prudence and other qualifications serve for such a task as this? I know necessity may cause the church to tolerate the weak, but woe to us if we tolerate and indulge our own weakness.

33:38 Do not reason and conscience tell you that if you dare venture on so high a work as this, that you should spare no pains to be qualified for the performance of it? Is it not now and then an idle snatch or taste of studies that will serve to make an able and sound divine? I know that laziness has learned to allege the vanity of all our studies and how entirely the Spirit must qualify us for and assist us in our work as if God commanded the use of means and then warranted us to neglect them, as if it were His way to cause us to thrive in a course of idleness and to bring us to knowledge by dreams when we are asleep, or to take us up into heaven and show us His counsels while we think of no such matter but are idling away our time on earth. Oh, that men should dare by their laziness to quench the Spirit and then pretend the Spirit for the undoing of it. Quench the Spirit by laziness and then supposedly trust the Spirit to help them when they get up to deliver the fruit of their laziness. Oh, outrageous, shameful, unnatural deed.

34:57 That's what he calls it. Outrageous, shameful, and unnatural deed. God has required of us that we be not slothful in business but fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. So we must provoke our hearers to be and such we must be ourselves.

35:14 So we must provoke our hearers to be and such we must be ourselves. Oh, therefore, brethren, lose no time. Study, pray, confer, and practice. For in these four ways your abilities must be increased.

35:27 Take heed to yourselves lest you are weak through your own negligence and lest you mar the work of God by your own self-imposed weakness. Page 71 of the Reformed Pastor. So if your people have reason to suspect you of laziness, in sermon preparation, confidence and respect will over-erode. But now I want to touch on another area.

35:54 Let them rightly suspect you of laziness and reluctance in necessary diaconal duties and you'll lose their respect and confidence. Laziness or reluctance in necessary diaconal duties. Though your general sphere of work is laboring in the Word and in doctrine, Though your general sphere of work is laboring in the Word and in doctrine, Though your general sphere of work is laboring in the Word and in doctrine, it is not exclusively so, especially in new, young, or struggling ministries. And it is not beneath the example both of our Lord or the great Apostle to engage in diaconal services joyfully and freely. Paul did it and alludes to it in Acts chapter 20, verses 34 and 35. He makes reference to it when dealing with these disorderly people in 2 Thessalonians 3.8.

36:59 Neither did we eat bread for naught at any man's hand, but in labor and travail working night and day that we might not burden any of you. Paul boasts in the fact that he earned the right to tell these lazy characters to shape up or be shipped out. And he says, I've earned the right not just because I'm an Apostle, but I was...

37:21 I was willing to work with my hands, and I've set the pattern, I've set the pace. Likewise with our Lord, when he speaks in Luke 22, 24 to 27 about he who would be great shall be servant, he exemplified it in John 13. He took the posture of the house servant. He girded himself with the towel.

37:42 He took the basin. He washed the disciples' feet. And there will be times, no matter how large, and efficient a church may become, when it is necessary for you to take the place of the house servant, to take the place of the one who is willing to labor with your hands. And often it is essential in new or in struggling works.

38:11 We've seen an example of this in two of our graduates who have recently confessed how they long now to get back to their normal, ordinary course of study and preparation, but coming through building programs many times they were the only ones available in the day to go down to the local board and the local building authorities to track down estimates on this, that, or the other. And there will be times when you face this, and if your people sense that you are reluctant or lazy with reference to those kinds of labors, respect and confidence will be deeply eroded. I'm personally convinced that one of the ways God ordinarily strengthens the bond of respect and confidence is in a younger, newer work by ordering things so that you have to do those things and can gain the base of credibility for the rest of your ministry and say, there are people here who can witness that digging trenches and raking concrete and pounding nails and shingles is not beneath my clerical duty. And hold out your hands and say, these hands have sunk the nails, but hold the shingles on this one. And there's an element of credibility that is gained and is sustained throughout the years. So don't ever be suspected, justly so, of laziness or reluctance in necessary diaconal duties.

Giant Killer #2: Self-Defensiveness

39:39 All right, now we hasten on to the second major enemy of respect and confidence. Laziness was number one. Number two, self-defensiveness. Self-defensiveness.

39:53 If your people detect in you a spirit of self-defense and excuse-making and rationalization with reference to your known and manifested sins and weaknesses,

40:09 there will be a marked erosion of respect and confidence.

40:14 You see, a true church of struggling saints will be patient with a man, particularly a young man, if he's honest in owning up to his sins and weaknesses.

40:26 If he's growing in a context of honesty and transparency about his sins and failures, it will not be hard for them to exercise obedience to 1 Peter 5.8. Have fervent love among yourselves, for love covers a multitude of sins.

40:46 You are to be an example of the believer in all graces, not the least of which is the grace of transparency and honesty about your sins.

40:56 There are a few things that tempt me to get on a hobby horse, but this is one of them. I'd like to find out where in the world the notion ever got floated that if you're ever transparent and honest about your sins, people will no longer respect you. Therefore, you must negate by the patterns of your life what you preach from the pulpit that there is no such thing as sinless perfection.

41:19 I don't know where it got floated, but I'd like to bury it about 2,000 feet in the depths of the sea. No, from the very outset, and here you are at, hopefully in terms of the long-range perspective, on the front end of your full maturation in Christ and under the pressures of the ministry, your sins will be brought to the fore in the multitude of words there wanteth not sin. And since you will say more words than anybody else usually in a public forum, there's much more likelihood that you're going to have sins to confess more than anyone else.

41:59 And when those things come, if your people begin to sense that you're always out to defend yourself, to rationalize, you resent exposure, you're inflexible in your assessment, then whatever respect was there will begin to erode until finally it'll take all the grace they can muster to even sit and listen to you preach. So brethren, don't ever be justly charged with a spirit of self-defensiveness with regard to your own sins. And also you see why it is so advent, contagious as soon as the Lord is pleased to nurture and grow some fellow elders under your leadership, to have the climate among your fellow elders in which it is understood and periodically reaffirmed that you are committed to being utterly honest with each other in terms of correction, rebuke, and admonition. Now generally speaking, the man who resents correction, refuses condemnation, and resents the law of God, is showing a great manifestation of one or two sins. The sin of pride, and the sin of carnal insecurity.

43:25 Just look at all the texts in Proverbs which link pride to refusal to receive reproof. Proverbs 9, 8 and 9, Proverbs 12, 15, 15, 10, and 6, 23. Or it may be carnal insecurity, feeling that if I make myself vulnerable by the open acknowledgment of my sin, somehow people will no longer listen to me. I've got to prove something by insulating them from any acknowledgment of my failures.

44:06 That's carnal insecurity. If your place in the office is so insecure that you can't be an honest Christian man in the office, you don't belong there. If you're so insecure, that the only way to maintain your clerical bearing and position is to be dishonest and self-justifying, get out until your undeveloped ego comes to more maturity in Christ and you can hack being an elder while at the same time being a sinner and live accordingly. No, respect is not eroded when you confess your public sins publicly. Confidence is not eroded in any way lessened when you acknowledge weakness, short-sightedness, or have to come back and do as I had to do last week and say I made a judgment on the text two weeks ago that was wrong. Further study has shown me and it put me in a homiletical mess, but I got in the mess, so why try to dance a jig around it by some artificial treatment of the next passage? Say I got in a mess because I made a superficial judgment?

45:23 No, I didn't. I made a superficial judgment. So big deal. I don't think the church will be empty this week because I acknowledge that.

45:33 But if you're so insecure, you say, oh, if I do that, then people, then you're in a bad way. Stay out of the ministry. Do you gain enough security to be an honest man while still in the ministry? All right.

Giant Killer #3: Covetousness

45:45 Giant number three. Covetousness. Covetousness. Would you have respect and confidence eroded?

45:55 Then let there be just grounds to suspect you. Of carnal grasping after things. Now, one of the requirements for an elder is that he must not be greedy of filthy lucre. Titus 1.7.

46:15 1 Peter 5 says that an elder must assume the work of oversight, not for filthy lucre's sake. Then Paul, in his words to Timothy, after warning about riches, says to him, 1 Timothy 6.9-10, but thou, O man of God, flee these things. Now, how can we call our people to biblical perspectives on the world of things and possessions and money if we do not reflect those principles in our own bearing, conversation, and attitudes? You've heard the saying, if the parson may fiddle, may not the people dance? So if you may play the fiddle of covetousness, may not they dance to the tune of covetousness? Don't become addicted, addicted to new cars.

47:20 Much less chance of this now than some years ago simply because of the economic factors of cars. But I can remember back, oh, 20 years ago, when you were just considered not quite with it as a preacher if you didn't trade in your car every two or three years. That's right. And I saw men who were addicted to their new cars.

47:42 When they'd get in ministers' meetings, they talked far more about their cars than about the texts they were struggling with. While recognizing it's not sinful to discuss money or to preach from the pulpit on biblical principles of stewardship, don't go around dropping little hints of discontent with your salary and with your fringe benefits. If you're not man enough to sit down with your fellow elders or your deacons or whoever you're answerable to and say, look, I've got an economic problem. If you're not man enough to do that, don't just drop mousy little comments.

48:19 Don't complain about your parsonage. If there's a place for sitting down and saying, look, the roof's leaking needs to get fixed, do it in a manly way. But don't drop subtle little hints growing out of discontent. You and I must learn with the apostle in relationship to things, whatever state we are in, therewith to be content.

48:45 I've learned how to be a base I've learned how to abound. I have learned in every situation the lesson of contentment. I tell you it's no little comfort to come toward the end of your ministry and to be able to do what Samuel did and I pray God every one of us will be able to do this. If the Lord allows us to live to the end of any kind of a lengthy ministry, to turn to the very people who've seen us up close over the long haul and to be able to say, 1 Samuel chapter 12, verses 1 to 5.

49:20 Behold, I've hearkened to your voice in all that you've said to me. I've made a king over you. Behold, the king walks before you. I'm old and gray-headed.

49:29 Behold, my sons are with you. I've walked before you from my youth unto this day. Here I am. Witness against me before the Lord and before his anointed.

49:41 Whose ox have I taken? Whose ass have I taken? Whom have I defrauded? Whom have I oppressed?

49:49 Or of whose hand have I taken a ransom to blind my eyes therewith? And I will restore it to you. And they said, You have not defrauded us nor oppressed us, neither have you taken aught at any man's hand. You find the New Testament parallel in Paul's words to the Ephesian elders coming to the end of his contact with them and referring to over three years of interaction he could say, Acts 20.33, I coveted no man's silver, gold, or apparel. It's a wonderful thing to be able to look men in the eye with judgment day honesty and say, I coveted no man's silver, gold, or apparel. Not only was I free from scheming to get it in outward actions, I was free from even wanting it in my heart. To be able truly to rejoice in those whom God blesses with greater material wealth in your congregation and really rejoice when the Lord gives them a home that's ten times nicer than your parsonage.

51:00 When they get a car that's ten times better than your bucket of bolts. To really rejoice insofar as you have confidence that those gifts are not in the way of a grasping at things but are part of the overall blessing of God upon some of your sheep. To be utterly free from grasping after things. It's interesting as I announce the names of all the babies being born around here and look at the names of those already born.

51:32 What a plethora of names, particularly biblical names that are not really household words and you even forgot and you read some of them in the begats and the begats but they'll show up when one announces a birth. But I haven't found one who's been named Achan, Gehazi, Judas or Demas. And what do all four of them have in common? Ministerial thing-grabbers.

Giant Killer #4: Sexual Impurity

52:08 Achan, Gehazi, Judas, Demas and those four names say beware of covetousness. Beware of covetousness. Beware of covetousness. Then there's a fourth giant and I'm reluctant even to speak of this that I'd be less than faithful to the word of God and to the tragic scenario that unfolds to this very hour in the ministry if I didn't speak of it.

52:40 Confidence and respect will be eroded perhaps never to be regained if you're ever justly suspected of the sin of impurity. The sin of sexual impurity. All respect goes confidence goes and I sincerely question if it can ever be regained if your people have grounds to question your moral integrity. There was one time when all I'd have to say was with those of the opposite sex now you have to say in all sexual matters. Why do preachers so often fall here? Well, number one they are the objects of peculiar aggravated satanic attack. In ancient warfare you went for the captain for the king, the leader.

53:47 You knew if you get him you'd demoralize the whole army and the enemy knows that. So he goes for God's captains God's leaders. Because in crippling them he dispirits the rank and file of the soldiers in the army and also, as in the case of David he gives great expense to the people of Israel. He gives great expense to the people of Israel.

54:16 He gives great occasion for the enemies of God to blaspheme. And in David's fatherly chastisement that followed his repentance God said, nevertheless I forgive him, but nevertheless because you have given occasion of the enemies of God to blaspheme the child shall not live. The rationale for the death of the child was the blasphemy occasioned among God's enemies because of David's sin. Then there's a second reason why ministers are so vulnerable.

54:49 Their peculiar place of temptation derived from the context of ministerial labors. The peculiar place of temptation derived from the very context of ministerial labors. With a high profile often comes a climate of adulation which both draws forth illicit desire on the part of women and makes a man vulnerable to the peculiar sins that are often associated with sensuality. Pride and preacher worship. So the higher profile is part of that peculiar vulnerability. Access to the homes of the people at any time. Access to the affections of your people at the deepest level.

55:51 Access to the burdens and needs at the deepest level. Now all of those things together which are essential parts of a living, loving, pastoral relationship make you peculiarly vulnerable. The higher profile that can make you the object of illicit desire as well as leave you vulnerable to the sins that set you up to fall. Access to the homes of your people.

56:24 Access to their affections at the deepest level. Access to their burdens and concerns at the deepest level. All of those things serve to make God's servants peculiarly vulnerable. Now what are the means to be taken by the grace of God to avoid sinning in this area?

56:45 Well let me give you several counsels. Number one, the maintenance of good spiritual health in general. John Owen's counsel can never, never be superseded by anything better. No man makes any progress in the mortification of any one sin who does not drive at universal obedience.

57:09 Part of the watchfulness and the prayerfulness in conjunction with avoiding temptation, Matthew 26, 41, is the maintenance of good overall spiritual health. Many a man never, never bargained when he cheated on his conscience on a few dollars on his income tax that that would be the first step to cheating on his conscience in allowing some illicit desire to fester in his heart. And little did he think when he allowed that desire to fester, one day he'd be between the legs of his secretary. And if the proposal of being in bed with an illicit relationship had come at the time he was thinking of cheating a little bit on an income tax, he would have overpaid by a hundred dollars. But it didn't come that way. Satan's proposals never do. And here again, Owen's wisdom comes through.

58:14 When sin comes with its proposals, it is always excessively modest in its initial proposal, but it is always aiming at the ultimate. Now, do you believe by cutting a little bit of corner on some ethical issue, totally removed from sanctuous pleasure, you can be setting yourself up to fall morally? Yes, absolutely. And the devil knows he could never get you seriously to entertain putting that thing between the legs of someone other than your wife until, first of all, he gets you to fool around in some little area and cut corners.

58:56 And you mark it. If one of you men comes some day in tears and brokenness and says, I fell, we'll trace it right back and you'll remember this morning when I told you. And my hands are clean. My hands are clean, brethren.

59:10 But you think you could play where others couldn't play. God have mercy on your people when they have to walk in the mourning garb for years of you being run out of town in shame. God have mercy on you. Maintain vigorous spiritual health.

59:35 You have no guarantee you won't be vulnerable. And then, maintain good marital relations with your wife. And by that I don't mean be able to have good tumbles in bed. It includes that.

59:54 But if you've been married longer than five years, you know that what happens in the bed is generally totally unrelated to any specific matters of technique or anything else. It has to do with the overall nature of your relationship. And I speak that as an old married man who's been at it for 30 years with one woman. And your general relationship is that which colors and flavors the more specifics of your sexual intimacy.

60:28 And as you're determined to maintain a good relationship with your wife, open-faced communion, sensitivity, short accounts with her, nurturing, cherishing her. This is the grave means. You see that in Proverbs 5, don't you? Solomon warns his son about the immoral woman, but then he says, drink waters out of your own sister.

60:56 And he talks about be ravished with her love. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times. Well, the whole setting, of course, is rejoicing in the wife of your youth, in her whole person, and in all the totality of the relationship. And unless she's going to learn the tricks of the prostitute, she cannot dissociate what happens with her breasts in your presence from what happens with the totality of her being in your presence.

61:25 It's only the whore that can perform well in the bedroom, regardless of her relationship to her John before they enter the bedroom. Don't turn your wife into a harlot. And she's less than crawling the walls with passion when you've been a grumpy old academy student. Bless God for it.

61:44 And let her grumpiness be your call. Let her lack of responsiveness be your call to repent of your grumpiness. And you be sweet out in the dining room and the living room, and then she'll be sweet and lovey in the bedroom. And if it ever happens otherwise, you better beware.

62:00 You better beware. You may be setting up your wife to weaken you to think. You can let the overall relationship erode while still having good sex. Well, once that happens, if with her, then why not with someone else?

62:15 And then someone to whom you have no multi-leveled intimate bonding, you can begin to think it congruous that you could have good sex with them too. And many a man has been set free and set up for an illicit sexual liaison in his own bedroom. You never thought of that, did you? Well, you think about it.

62:35 And you go home and talk to your wife about it, and she'll tell you it's true. So if out of a sense of duty she fakes it sometimes and looks like she's really climbing the walls with passion just to meet your needs, tell her, honey, don't fake it. If my overall conduct has been such that you're grieving inside, please don't fake it. Let the grief show.

62:56 And let it be a call for me to get right with God and with you. Train your wife in that area to be a means of grace to you. So maintain good spiritual health in general, maintain a good relationship with your wife, and then maintain preventive disciplines in this area, brethren. Maintain preventive disciplines.

63:19 And what do I mean by that? Well, as a general rule, 1 Timothy 5.2 is the great text. In terms of women, Timothy, all your contact with the older women, think of them, relate to them as mothers.

63:35 Now, there's an intimate relationship between a son and his mother, but it is non-erotic. The moment there's any eroticism, that's the seeds of incest. So he says, Timothy, relate intimately, warmly. I've set some guys so determined they're never going to fall with a woman that any woman of any age was turned off by them because they weren't, you know, you know, let any woman shake their hand for longer than 30 milliseconds, you know, because they're afraid they might.

64:10 Well, that's unnatural. The body of Christ is to be a loving community. So he says, Timothy, relate to the older women as mothers. Intimacy, warmth, but non-erotic relationship.

64:24 Then he says, relate to the younger women as sisters with all purity. Now, there's the rule of thumb. And within that framework, you can set up tremendous preventive disciplines. Generally speaking, don't ever go into the home where a woman is alone unless it is an emergency.

64:46 And even then, take one of your kids with you. Secondly, don't counsel alone in your own home. If your study is in your home, make sure that some of the kids, or preferably your wife, is present in the home when you counsel. As a general rule, keep your hands off women.

65:19 Hands off women in private. When you're young and even when you're old. I keep that rule to this day with but few exceptions. And even where I'm able to hug women with a lot more discretion now after all these years, I do the hugging when I come down the stairs from the study and pass my wife in the kitchen.

65:42 And then in my wife's presence may give a discreet hug on the shoulder. Or if I'm counseling a husband and wife, and I embrace both of them in each other, that's different. But you beware of any physical contact. Beware of any eye contact that crosses the bounds of discretion.

66:10 In those passages in which Solomon warns his son, it's very interesting, the place he gives to the eyes. And he speaks of not allowing her to take, take you with her eyes. You see, I'm going around here with two translations now. I'm using the New King James in my own devotions.

66:43 But anyway, that whole concept of the eyes is there. It's either in the 625. Thank you. Yes.

66:54 Lust not after her beauty in thy heart, neither let her take you with her eyelids. Let her not take you with her eyelids. So there's something about the eyes. And if you begin to sense a reaching out with the eyes that is something more than the look of a sister to her brother, then don't you meet that with anything in kind.

67:17 You make it evident from there on in, you counsel looking out the window or looking at your books. You send out the signals that there was something, there was a searching, a probing look, a look that was saying, are you vulnerable? And you make it known because it's a subjective thing and you don't want to retort by saying, don't look at me that way and put guilt on someone who may need none but don't play with it either. And you just look out the window and make it known if that's the kind of signal that was coming, it's meeting with non-reception on your part.

67:47 Be careful. And then the fourth aspect of preventive counsel, load your conscience with the warning of the word and with the issues at stake. As far as I'm concerned, brethren, I believe that any man who betrays his position in the ministry to fall into sexual sin forfeits the right ever again to be in the ministry. That's my own conviction.

68:19 I've loaded my conscience with it. I have sat Albert N. Martin down and told him a hundred times over, if he ever falls into sexual impurity, his mouth is forever shut in terms of public ministry and he'll answer to God for that forfeited stewardship. And I don't care who wants to tell me otherwise.

68:42 I'm convinced that no matter how deep and sincere my repentance would be, years after repentance, the knowledge and the report of the sin would still be circling the globe. And I hope I have enough love for Christ's name and his sheep not to leave that kind of stain upon me for the rest of my days. Load your conscience, brethren. This sin has slain the mighty.

69:10 Now we've got to hasten on. I've lost track. Oh, there it is. I kept my watch on my elbow.

Giant Killer #5: Domestic Incompetence

69:16 It's almost one o'clock. All right. Let me quickly touch these others. All right.

69:24 Number five. Domestic incompetence. You want to have respect and confidence eroded? Then you manifest incompetence in the domestic sphere.

69:40 You know the emphasis in Titus and Timothy on the necessity of domestic competence to enter the ministry, to become an elder. Well, if, as people see, the unfolding of your domestic patterns, what they see will either increase your credibility or erode it. Let them see your wife beginning to manifest a bossy, headstrong demeanor. Have a slovenly ill-kept house.

Giant Killer #6: Inconsistency / Double Standard

70:11 Be slovenly and ill-kept in her person. And their confidence in you will erode because they hold you accountable for what your wife is and what she does, and rightly so, because you're supposed to rule the household. They may have recognized you as an elder because you apparently had your children basically in line as they were smaller, but as you live among them, if they begin to manifest a self-centeredness, a pride, a cockiness, a brashness, and the sins that can only be seen generally with the passing of the years, their confidence in you will erode. Their respect for you will erode. Beware, then, of this great eroder, domestic incompetence. And then, number six, let them discern inconsistency or a double standard. And what do I mean by that?

71:18 Simply this. If they begin to sense that you're one thing in the pulpit but another thing in the parlor, passionate, earnest, concerned, even to the point of holy vehemence, in entreating, warning, pleading, in terms of men's spiritual welfare, but in the parlor all they see you is affable, joking, lighthearted, cavalier, something's wrong. Now, I am not saying that it is not fitting that they should see dimensions of your sanctified humanity in the parlor, that generally would be inappropriate in the pulpit. No, I'm not saying that at all. But what I'm saying is, if all they ever see in the parlor is a pattern of life totally detached from the commodities in which you traffic and the manner in which you traffic with them in the pulpit, they'll begin to wonder if indeed this isn't your professional face and this is your real face. And once there's any great discrepancy, between your professional face and your real face, you've had it. Respect, confidence, will erode in those who have any knowledge of what spiritual reality is.

Giant Killer #7: Slovenliness / Social Boorishness

72:44 Here I would commend to you Spurgeon's excellent, excellent essay in Lectures to My Students, pages 166 to 174, entitled Our Ordinary Conversation, in the section in Bridges, pages 112 to 137. 112 to 137. And then the last one I want to touch on, and this is where that article that I gave you comes in, slovenliness or social boorishness. Slovenliness or social boorishness.

73:20 If your people begin to sense in you a slovenliness in appearance, dress, or social boorishness in terms of manner, constantly dominating, in conversation, laughing so loud that everyone else is drowned out, it will be difficult for them to respect you. So brethren, don't be insensitive to such things as your clothing. I've given you an article that gives you, as far as I'm concerned, the most helpful distillation of good, sound advice in this area that I've ever found in one place. And very interestingly, in my own collateral reading, I've read through about half to two-thirds of the essays in this recently published book. R.C. Spruill did an experiment in a seminary class that is most telling.

74:20 While teaching a graduate course in seminary to eighteen ministers, I performed a simple experiment. At the beginning of the course, before the men had opportunity to get to know each other or form opinions of each other's talents and gifts, I posed a hypothetical situation in which the seminary had submitted a proposal to a large charitable group or a large charitable foundation for a grant of two hundred thousand dollars. The seminary wanted this class to select three of its members to visit the board of the foundation to make a presentation of the seminary's request. I then asked the class to select by secret ballot three of the members to present the proposal.

74:59 Before the vote was taken, R.C. says, I wrote the name of the three class members on a piece of paper and concealed it from their view. When the balloting was over, I dramatically produced the three names I had written, and the astonished class saw that my list exactly matched the three men who had been elected.

75:18 The response of the class was one of wonder. How did you do that? I felt like a magician who had pulled a rabbit out of his hat. But it was not magic.

75:27 It was not done by mirrors. All I did was choose the three men in the room who were dressed in the uniform of leadership. Before I revealed my magic to the class, I bounced the question back to them. Why did you select these three men?

75:43 They stammered a bit until the consensus emerged that they had no idea why they did what they did. I then explained my procedure, and they groaned at the simplicity of it and were suddenly open to a discussion on the impact of clothing on first impressions of credibility. Long before we open our mouths, our clothing says something. It makes a statement that either increases or decreases respect and confidence.

76:18 And our people should never be embarrassed by our dowdiness and if you wonder what dowdy is, look it up in the dictionary, or ashamed by our gaudiness. Dowdiness or gaudiness? Two ends of the spectrum of extremes in clothing. Our grooming, our general manners and mannerisms, social graces, if they were not programmed into you growing up, get a book on them, read them, and begin to master them.

76:46 As awkward as you may feel, you will never offend anyone if your manners are proper. Uncultured people are never offended by the gracious expression of good manners. But many a cultured person may never be willing to hear the gospel from your mouth because of your bumbling at the table with your bad manners. That's reality.

77:14 And if we are committed to the highest measure of usefulness in nothing giving offense that the ministry be not blamed, then we will be determined to master the niceties of good manners and good grooming. Not to be dandies and men at court, but we are the king's messengers and we want to secure a hearing for our message by every legitimate means possible. Well, my concluding observations were very simple. Those were my seven areas to beware of that will erode confidence and respect.

Concluding Observations and Exhortations

77:51 Now concluding observations and exhortations, very simple. Take me just three minutes to give you the four heads. It's possible to be respected where you're not loved. Think of our Lord.

78:05 Think of John the Baptist. And in the ministry there are times, as Paul says, the more you love, the less you will be loved. But may our overall lifestyle force, even those who do not love us, to respect us and to have confidence in what we are. B, it takes longer to earn the respect and confidence of some than it does of others.

78:34 Don't get weary with people who it seems it takes a decade or more to really earn their confidence. They've been burnt by preachers in the past. And you come with all the baggage of what some other joker did to erode their confidence in men who are in the ministry. Accept the challenge that by the grace of God, if it takes you two decades, you're going to earn their confidence and win their respect.

79:04 Thirdly, don't make the earning of respect and confidence your primary aim in your Christian lifestyle. No, your primary aim is to be well pleasing to the Lord, 2 Corinthians 5, 9. So though we've given what I trust is a proper and balanced emphasis, don't let the enemy take what is good and make that our primary goal. Our primary goal is to live with integrity before God, but in so doing, so to live is to secure the confidence and respect of men.

79:41 And then my last observation, and this is so vital, brethren, respect and confidence earned over many years can be lost in a moment of time. Respect and confidence earned over many years can be lost in a moment of time. And I constantly use the analogy of a bank into which you put nickels, dimes, and quarters over a long time. Well, that's the way you earn confidence and respect, a nickel here, a dime there, a nickel here, a dime there.

80:12 If you can do one thing that will open that bank and spill out all the coins, and repentance and confession does not give you the right to gather them all up and put them in all at once again and start where you were, you've got to start back now, nickeling and diming it all from the beginning. Load your conscience with that. Shall I for this one thing, this indulging of this passion of irritation, tell this joker off? Somebody ought to tell him off.

80:46 Shall I be the one to do it and in so doing lose the confidence, respect of a people earned over many years, confidence in the area that I am not a rash man given to hasty speech? Shall I for one moment sinful pleasure of feeling I gave it to them, empty the bank of confidence? That's how you've got to think. And there are times when that motive will be a very powerful one and you say, well, it isn't worth it.

81:15 Lord, forgive me that I even contemplated the very fact that I'd find pleasure and it is sin. And you confess that sin. But I have found more than once the thing that kept me at the lowest level of motivation was I'll empty the bank of earned confidence and respect if I do that. It isn't worth it.

81:36 Then more evangelical Christ-centered motives began to be operative in my heart as I reflected upon what I almost said, what I almost did. So I have found that motive to be very helpful to me in catching me sometimes when I had moved quite far from the more central, spiritual, gospel motives. But as I've said on many occasions, I thank God for all the motives. I want as many walls around me as the word of God will put around me.

82:05 Well, that's what I wanted to say to you, brethren. I hope the Lord will write it on all of our hearts and that we may have the joy in the work of the ministry to which the Lord calls us, of ministering to a people who, whatever their attitude to us at any given point may be, that the underlying framework of the relationship will be one of earned respect and confidence. And if so, then even when they may have a complaint against you because you're pinching some area of a raw nerve down underneath, they respect you, have confidence in you, and they know you're right. And sooner or later, if they're the Lord's sheep, they'll come around.

82:47 Right now, your very consistency is an added irritant and just puts more pressure on their conscience. But if they're the Lord's true sheep, God will bring them around and they'll thank you, not only for what you say, not only for what you said, for their good, but for the fact that your life affirmed and drove home that arrow by consistency before them. You see, the more intimate the relationship is, the more difficult that becomes. It's easy to have respect and confidence when you're floating into a ministry somewhere as a guest speaker.

83:21 The very fact you're the guest shows you're somebody special. But when you're in the circle where you ain't nothing special, you know, you're just an old hat and people fall asleep on you and burp in your presence and...

83:32 You know, if they've had something with garlic, they don't even bother to put a mint in their mouth. It's just our old pastor, he, you know, it don't bother him. I mean, you're really in the situation where you're in touch with reality. And it's there you gotta earn it.

83:48 May God grant that we shall by His grace. Let's pray.