Domestic Competency

Introduction: The Man of God and His Immediate Family

0:04 Now, as this first unit of our pastoral theology course comes to its conclusion after one more lecture subsequent to today's lecture, we're still concerned to address the broad area of the essential elements of effective pastoral preaching, particularly as those elements relate to the man of God himself. Now, we've already covered three major subdivisions of this theme, the man before God's spiritual spiritually, intellectually, physically, and emotionally, that's been division A in the abstract that you were given early in the year, and then secondly, the man before his people, and we have seen the necessity of his having an increasing love for them, an increasing measure of deliverance from fearing them, and then earning an increasing measure of respect and confidence from them. And then last. Last week, we took up the third major division, the man of God in relationship to himself, and I sought to lay before you and demonstrate the validity of the axiom that we must have an increasingly realistic understanding and acceptance of our own identity as men and as preachers.

1:26 Now, in the two weeks that remain, we'll address two more vital areas, ones that are not listed in the abstract. Because that was made back before the course grew into its present dimensions, and we're going to take up letters D and E, so if you want to just scratch them into your abstract at your convenience, and they will be these two areas of concern. First of all, the man of God in relationship to his immediate family, that will be large letter D, and then large letter E, the man of God in relationship to the mastery of his daily schedule. Today, we take in hand the first of these two, the essential elements of effective pastoral preaching as they relate to the man of God in relationship to his immediate family, or you may want to state it as the man of God and his relationship to his natural domestic circle. Now, as with each of the other two, the man of God in relationship to his natural domestic circle. In the two other areas addressed, I shall state an axiom, demonstrate its basis in Scripture, and then work out some of its implications by way of application.

Axiom: Exemplary Biblical Domestic Competence

2:48 Now, the axiom stated is this, the man of God must manifest exemplary biblical competence as a husband and a father.

3:04 The man of God must manifest... manifest exemplary biblical competence as a husband and as a father. If we would be effective in pastoral preaching, that effectiveness can only be known as by the grace of God we manifest exemplary biblical competence, E-N-C-E, by the way, in the spelling, as a husband and a father. Now, note I did not say we must manifest perfection as husbands and fathers, nor did I say you must manifest the highest level of competence in the church. There may be better husbands and better fathers than you are, and yet you still may preach with a grip on the consciences

4:00 of your people, nor did I say you must manifest an acceptable traditional or Your cultural competence as a husband and a father. I deliberately chose my words. You must manifest exemplary biblical competence as a husband and a father. A competence short of perfection.

4:26 A competence that may be less than the highest level of competence among some in your own assembly. Until someone is prepared to show me from the scripture that ruling well his own house means that a man must have attained the highest degree of godly rule before he can be an elder, then we must not ever strap our consciences with the notion that we must have the highest level of competence, nor must we be bound by people's traditional, whether ecclesiastical or social traditions, or cultural expectations. Certain people have an image of what the padre's home is to be like, and that image has been framed not by the word of God, but by their own ecclesiastical tradition. And you may preach very effectively while falling very far short, and in many cases the effectiveness of your preaching may be in direct proportion to your willingness to contradict some of those traditional expectations. So, we are concerned, then, with exemplary biblical competence as husbands and fathers. Now, as I seek to open up this vital subject and address this axiom, I have three categories for the material.

Three Categories for Addressing Domestic Competence

5:53 Hopefully in the first hour we'll cover the first two, and then a little mopping-up session in the last twenty minutes or so after our break, we'll take the third. Category number one. Category number one, the necessity for exemplary domestic competence. And then we'll take up the peculiar temptations that militate against exemplary domestic competence, and then thirdly I'll try to give you some practical counsels for the attainment and maintenance of domestic competence.

Necessity 1: Explicit Biblical Requirements for Elders

6:28 First of all, then, the necessity for exemplary domestic competence in the man of God. If you are to preach effectively to your people in a pastoral context, it is necessary for you to have biblically framed domestic competence. Now, considered simply as Christians, every minister ought to seek competence as a father and a husband simply because it is a demand of general Christian duty. You are often reminded in this place that everything that is said to a Christian man as a Christian man is said to the Christian man who happens to be an elder. And his office and function as an elder does not negate the weight of general Christian duty. No man in the ministry ought to feel himself exempt from the general duties outlined by such passages as Ephesians 5, 25 and following, 1 Peter 3, 7, Ephesians 6, 4, and a host of other biblical texts. However, in addition to this general Christian duty incumbent upon all Christian men,

7:53 there are three specific things which establish the necessity for domestic competence in the servant of Christ, who labors in the work of the gospel. Three specific things which establish the necessity for this domestic competence. Number one, the explicit biblical requirements for the office of an elder. The explicit biblical requirements for the office of an elder.

8:31 Reading now from the familiar passage in 1 Timothy, chapter 3, Faithful is the saying, If a man seeks the office of a bishop, he desires a good work. The bishop therefore must be, with that little particle of necessity, Dei, he must be without reproach, the husband of one wife, that is, a one woman man, temperate, sober-minded, orderly, given to hospitality, we're in the domestic realm again, an apt teacher, no brawler, no striker, but gentle, not contentious, no lover of money, one that rules well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity, parenthetical statement, but if a man knows not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? Not a novice, lest being puffed up, he fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must have a good testimony from them that are without. Now here in the specimen list of what constitutes a man without reproach,

9:58 the domestic is brought forward again and again. He is a one woman man. He is given to hospitality. He is one who rules well his own house, and then the only requirement upon which the apostle gives his own commentary as to its importance and its relationship to the function of the office is the domestic.

10:27 If a man does not know how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of that larger household, namely the household of the people of God, called here the church of God? And likewise in Titus 1, verses 6 and 8, the emphasis falls again upon domestic competence. If any man is blameless, and then immediately the apostle launches into the domestic, the husband of one wife, having children that believe, or better rendered, having trustworthy children who are not accused of riot or unruly, verse 8, given to hospitality, a lover of good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled. Now what is involved in the terminology ruling well his own house? Well, some of the particulars are mentioned. In the Timothy and Titus passages, children are to be in subjection with proper respect.

11:38 Children are not to be justly accused of being wild and disobedient. By implication, though not explicitly stated, it is to be evident that he is governing his wife in that wonderful fusion and proper tension of authority and graciousness. Also implied is a comprehensive awareness of the tasks of domestic rule and evident fusion of grace and authority in the administration of domestic rule. To rule well one's own house means that a man sees the full spectrum of what needs to be ruled in the house, the best, the most judicious means of exercising that rule, and then actually, competently, administers that rule. Surely all of that is bound up in the phrase ruling well his own house. It means that he is not myopic and narrow and tunnel-visioned in terms of what the household needs. The household needs in order to be ruled well.

13:02 It means that he understands and has divine wisdom to choose the best means to administer that accurate broad-spectrum assessment of what ruling the house involves. And then it means he has both the will and the God-given strength to stick at the issue with a degree of consistency by which alone any household can be justly described as a well-ordered home. Now do you see the distinct parallels between that and a well-ordered church? That's why Paul draws them together.

Application: Indifference to Domestic Competence Disqualifies

13:44 Who wants to be part of a church where the elders only see the church in terms of doctrinal integrity, but they don't see the necessity of moral and ethical integrity? Who wants to be in a church where elders only see the necessity of well-ordered practical concerns and have no vision for broad spiritual perspectives? No. Ordering well the life of God's people means that those in leadership view the full spectrum of the life of the church in the light of the Word of God, then are given spiritual wisdom to take the best steps to attain the holy ends of a well-ordered church, and then they have the guts and the gumption and the grace to stick at it, everlastingly stick at it, watching over the flock of God so that they will be a healthy and useful flock. So the Bible explicitly, clearly, undeniably requires a degree of competence in domestic rule as an essential element in order to be able to take the office with any degree of confidence that Christ has put him there. Now brethren, let me say by way of application in the strongest terms possible, what would you think of the man who said he aspires

15:13 to the office of an overseer and an overseer who is going to labor in the Word and in doctrine, knowing that he must hold fast the faithful word, knowing he must be able to exhort in sound doctrine and convince gainsayers, who is utterly indifferent to the full spectrum of systematic theology, utterly indifferent to the disciplines of hermeneutics and exegesis, utterly indifferent to the quality control of historical theology? What would you say of a man who says he aspires to that office and is indifferent to all of those disciplines essential to being a safe guide in the Scriptures? You'd say the guy is living in a never-never land. The sooner someone throws a bucket of cold water in his head and says, hey man, get in touch with reality, the better off we'll be. All right, likewise, what do you think of the man who does give himself to the acquisition of all of those disciplines essential to being a safe guide in the Word of God, but who is indifferent to the attainment of biblical competence in the domestic sphere when the Scripture says if he knows not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? For in a very real sense, apart from several areas that perhaps could just be

16:40 shades and degrees of the same thing viewed a little differently, there is nothing required in ordering the life of God's people that is not in principle simply an application in a different sphere of graces and gifts essential to ordering well one's own household. In one's household, one must learn how to exert authority without being so authoritative as to squelch and to shrivel the lives of those one is governing. And isn't that true in the church of Christ? Who wants to see a church where everyone goes around drawn in and intimidated by this overpowering tyrant of an elder? On the other hand, who wants to be in a church where everyone is so free-spirited and expressive that you bite your nails wondering what kind of kookish thing is going to be said the next time any opportunity is given to say it? You see, in the whole area of being able to govern with gracious assertiveness that develops the full potential of one's wife and children, there are the qualities which in an elder, in a shepherd, cause the people of God to come to maturity in Christ under that man's labors. Can a man govern well his own household that doesn't know the difference

18:08 between a kid absentmindedly picking his nose and a kid who looks up at his mother and father and sticks out his lower lips and says, No? Well, you see, if you knock the tar out of a kid for absentmindedly picking his nose with equal vehemence as you do when he rears back in his hind legs and says, No, you're not ruling well your own house. You have no sense of proportion of culpability. And if you make picking the nose as culpable as rearing back and saying, No, you're not ruling well your own house.

18:44 And many a church suffers from men who can't make the distinction between a little ecclesiastical nose-picking and blatant defiance of the rule of Christ. And they're forever whomping God's people for absentmindedly picking their noses. You see, we could draw out the parallels ad infinitum. But that's why the Apostle Paul by the Holy Ghost joined those two things.

19:12 Therefore, brethren, if we would preach with effectiveness as pastors, there is indeed this necessity for domestic competence because the explicit biblical requirement for the office of an elder demands it. And therefore, as you labor and must labor and ought to labor in acquiring the tools to be a competent guide in the Scriptures, you must with equal assiduity and that's just a big word for stick-to-itiveness and determination, but it's a good word. You must with equal assiduity, equal determination give yourself in these days of your formative period in this period of your life to becoming competent domestic heads, leaders of your families as one day you will hopefully be leaders in the churches of Christ. And I long for the day when boards of elders and ordination councils and presbyteries will think in a biblically balanced way and will no more lay hands upon a man who does not have proven competence in the rule of his house than they would lay hands

20:38 on a man who did not have the skills and the tools properly to exegete, expound and apply the word of God to a congregation of God's people. For both are disqualified according to the Scriptures. And when I've insisted upon this all around the world that people say to me but Pastor Martin, Brother Martin, Al if people did this if we took that seriously we'd empty half our pulpits. And my answer has been if the Bible empties them then let them be emptied.

21:16 And when word gets around that half the pulpits of the land are empty and someone says why and the answer is because people are taking the Bible seriously that might be the beginning of a revival. In which we say nobody's going to stand in that pulpit who can't stand there coming through the filter of 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 with its dominant emphasis upon domestic competence. What happens when the pulpits are open to doctrinal heretics? That heresy filters down and curses churches and denominations.

21:56 What happens when pulpits are open to domestic incompetence? That incompetence filters down and brings a moral and an ethical plague upon the church. And one wonders which has done more harm at the end of the day. Well, there is a second reason why we must attain to domestic competence.

Necessity 2: Position as Examples to the Flock

22:28 The first is the explicit demand of Scripture. The second is this the position which we occupy as examples to the flock. The position which we occupy as examples to the flock. Now once again just as competence as fathers and husbands is a general Christian duty so all of God's people are called upon to lead exemplary lives.

22:57 In Titus 2.10 Paul tells Titus to teach Christians at large to adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in all things. All of the people of God are to wear the truth of God and thereby make that truth visible to men by an exemplary life. Philippians 2.14 and 15 Do all things without murmuring and disputing that you may be blameless and harmless sons of God without rebuke shining as lights in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation. So the Bible knows nothing of a double standard one for the laity and another for the clergy. No double standard is found in the Bible but the Bible does know of an intensified standard for those who would be in the office of an elder. While all Christians ought to be exemplary in their lifestyle elders must be exemplary and must have attained to such a degree

24:08 of exemplary Christian godliness as to hold a grip upon the consciences of those to whom they minister. Notice this emphasis in 1 Peter chapter 5 with respect to elders. Paul of Peter is exhorting the elders as an elder in the universal church as an apostle and he tells them in verse 2 to tend or shepherd the flock of God which is among you exercising the oversight. There's assertive leadership.

24:47 Whenever anyone tries to tell you that the role and function of an elder is simply that as of wise catalytic action that's sheer nonsense but that's a great emphasis that's got a tremendous groundswell in our day. That leadership in the church of Christ is basically standing on the sidelines being the catalyst to have God's people lead themselves by their Bibles and by the Holy Spirit. No, he says shepherd the flock exercising oversight not of constraint but willingly according to the will of God nor yet for filthy lucre but of a ready mind neither as lording it over the charge allotted to you. Phillips paraphrases not acting as little tin gods but now notice the contrast. He doesn't say neither as lording it but by humble or gracious leadership guide the flock but he says but making yourselves examples to the flock. You will find that there's almost a direct relationship between a man's carnal lordly leadership style and the absence of a consistent exemplary leadership which has the magnetism of true leadership.

26:13 What men lack in grip over men by their lifestyle they make up with their tight fist and their carnal lordly bearing. So Peter says neither as lording it over the charge but making yourselves examples to the flock. And you find this emphasis in Timothy and Titus although not pastors you know that they were apostolic representatives yet they performed many tasks which are now tasks which have merged into and become part and parcel of the pastoral office. And so it is right that we use the injunctions to these men not in a one to one parallel but in terms of basic principles and you'll notice how this emphasis comes through in both Timothy and Titus. First Timothy chapter four Paul was conscious that Timothy would have certain liabilities as a young man. People would tend to think lightly of his leadership because of his youth. So he says let no man despise thy youth.

27:29 Let no man look down upon you and think light of you in your place of leadership because your birth records show that you put in your appearance at a relatively late time. Let no man think light of you despise you look down upon you because of your youth. Well Paul how am I to overcome that liability of youth? Here's his answer.

27:55 Be an example to them that believe. Let the maturation and the consistent patterns of godliness cause people to forget your relative youth. And so see in you the patterns of godliness that they will feel it safe to follow your leadership even though you don't have a gray hair in your head or in your mustache or your beard or on your chest wherever you've got hair. Alright?

28:26 And likewise in Titus chapter two. Titus is to be giving instructions to old men to young men to everybody in the church I was going to say everyone under the sun but everyone in the church all ages all classes but then he says in the midst of all the instruction you give to others Titus never forget this verse seven Titus two seven in all things in all of the things that you are charging others to be and to do in all things showing yourself you see not merely aspiring to be but showing yourself an example of good works and in both the Timothy and Titus passage the Greek word is tupos from which we get our English word type you're the tupos the pattern by which they are to cut the curves and angles of their own life you are that tupos you are that pattern now it is a vital aspect of both general and special revelation that God has so made us as creatures in his image that we learn by the process of modeling that's the in term and it's a good term when we use it to capture

29:52 what Jesus meant when in one of the greatest statements of biblical pedagogy he said in Matthew 10 25 it is enough that the disciple be as his teacher not that the disciple think as his teacher only as though the relationship between disciple and teacher was merely cerebral it is enough that the disciple be as his teacher the end for which the teacher instructs is that he might mold the character into the very form of that teaching which the teacher supremely embodies that's the concept of biblical pedagogy and therefore Paul can say be ye followers of me even as I am of Christ he can say to the Ephesian elders in Acts 20 35 in all things I have given you an example in all things I have given you an example now brethren it is our duty to be examples in all things in general but surely no specific area is more vital than the domestic the Bible reveals that next to the church no institution is of greater importance

31:19 in the advancement of the kingdom of God than is the family it is a fact of biblical revelation and a fact of general revelation that God calls many of his elect in family lines God is ordained to form noble character in the context of family life and experience and therefore you and I must be exemplary in these matters not only because of the specific requirement for the office of an elder but because of the requirement that we be examples to the flock we are to be given to hospitality and as we are one of two things will happen when people see us up close in our homes relating to our wives and our children one of two things will happen nothing neutral happens one of two things happens after two to three hours in our home the next Lord's day they listen to us with even greater attachment to our persons greater respect for our persons greater commitment to our credibility or they have to struggle over a barrier of some emerging question marks as to whether or not we are what we profess to be now you think in your own life you have never had the opportunity

32:47 to get into the home of someone whom you regarded as a man of God but what that experience either enhanced his credibility or detracted now if the requirement is given to hospitality now do you see why the matter of being exemplary is so vital they must see in you what loving sensitive warm husband wife relationships are they must see what loving sensitive warm parent child relationships are they must see and feel and as it were catch the atmosphere of authoritative graciousness and gracious authoritativeness they must feel the comfort as well as the warmth of a well ordered home and what next to a well ordered church is more marked by warmth and comfort and a sense of safety than a well ordered home isn't it a beautiful thing to go into a well ordered home just everything about it feels good you say this is the way it ought to be it ought to be well brethren that's what you're called upon to create that climate one of the saddest as well as the most humbling things that ever happened to me

34:14 was when one of our dearest saints who's been with us now for 24 years and what a joy it's been to see Christ formed in this dear saint over a period of 24 years deep emotional psychological scars that kept her from really knowing what she was as a woman to see God mending and healing and excising and cutting out scar tissue and doing spiritual reconstructive surgery and all the rest I shall never forget the first day she came to me and said you know Pastor Martin I was scared to death the first time you invited me into your home I said why were you scared did I intimidate you she said no just the opposite I had grown to respect and love you like I never had respected and loved any servant of Christ in all my years and at this time she was in her early forties I said why were you scared she said I thought it would all vaporize once I got in your home because my previous experience was that every man I began to respect when I got in his home the respect eroded and I could no longer sit and listen to his ministry with comfort what a tragedy what a tragedy what a tragedy will people say that of you then she went on to say but I feel free to tell you now

Necessity 3: Peculiar Circumstances of Our Generation

35:41 that after one time in your home and watching your relationship to your wife and to your children see the next Lord's day I could listen with all the more intensity and evenness and I say that not to toot my horn brethren but out of the crucible of experience to let you know how real this is God have mercy if you are not exemplary in your domestic life but then there's a third reason why you've got to be competent as a father and a husband the explicit requirement of scripture the call to lead an exemplary life an exemplary life but then thirdly the particular circumstances of our generation demand it the particular circumstances of our generation demand it each generation every culture every period of history has its own peculiarly aggravated manifestations of sinfulness and of human depravity the potential for every form of wickedness is always latent in the heart of the individual and in the collective heart of any society however there are times when the latent becomes patent and obvious classic example in the New Testament Titus 1 and verse 12

37:09 one of themselves a prophet of their own said Cretans are always liars evil beasts idle gluttons the NIV's rendering is helpful here Cretans are liars evil brutes and lazy gluttons and he says this testimony is true there was a stereotype that was accurate so don't let people say oh all stereotypes are the result of prejudice well if so then Paul was guilty of Holy Ghost inspired prejudice he's saying look Timothy you're ministering at Crete and in so doing you better be aware of the peculiarly aggravated manifestations of human sinfulness at Crete and one of their own has stated it succinctly and accurately they are liars they are evil brutes they are lazy gluttons now when the restraints of common and special grace are removed so that certain sins become dominant in society in any given point in history it is at those points where the people of God must be especially concerned to manifest the radical ethical implications and fruits of the gospel

38:34 where Satan has established his strongholds the gospel must establish its brightest beacons now unless you've been away on an extended vacation on the moon or have been living with your eyes closed you know that among our national sins in this present hour few are more glaring than those which touch the sanctity stability and glory of the marriage institution and of the family and I don't need to quote the statistics as I say unless you've been on an extended vacation to the moon you know the sad story as well as I therefore those of us who profess to be concerned with the establishment of the reign of Christ in the hearts and lives of men through the gospel must manifest the reality and implications of that reign in this most crucial area there was a time in my lifetime when many unconverted people had by common grace good stable marriages and good stable homes common grace was so operative that people knew who the boss was and they welcomed it there was structure there was love

40:03 there was discipline there was order responsibility was taught I can remember the collective common grace on Soundview Avenue in Stanford, Connecticut where I was raised I went back there for the first time in years back a couple of years ago and of course the street has shrunk by half the size that it was I know it did it had to because I know it was double that width when I was a kid and the yard I used to have to cut I know they cut the size of that down in half that's a shocking thing someday you'll know what I'm talking about just take my word for it but I went up and down that block and I thought of all those homes where common grace was operative even in the home across the street where the man was a typical Irish alcoholic but nonetheless there was structure in that home and there was order in that home and the Irish Catholic family next to us and the Polish family a couple blocks down and the Italian and in our block there was an unwritten rule if any one of us did anything out of line before the face of anyone you told the parents they took word the word of the parents and you got it I mean you were hedged up with discipline and structure in the whole neighborhood so if you did something in somebody else's backyard thinking your own mama wouldn't see it the other kid's mama told your mama and she believed her and didn't come to your defense you got it

41:29 and there was the assumption that together we're committed to teach these kids respect for authority we're committed to teach them honesty and integrity well that sounds like like I've come from another planet for some of you I know but that's the truth but that is pretty well eroded except for certain pockets of some rural places in our own country and certain pockets in some of the urban centers of our country but that's the truth but for the most part the breakdown in the family and in the home and the sanctity of marriage is well nigh universal now by way of application imagine a society where drunkenness and alcohol abuse were the dominant characteristic now could a man preach with any grip in that context concerning whom there was the slightest legitimate question about his use of alcohol? no in fact in such a situation it might be the practical wisdom for him voluntarily to make it known he's a teetotaler alright now you see my application in a society that is drunk with the horrible fruits of a humanistic approach to family life and the cursed fruits of evolution and all of the rest with its breakdown of the sanctity and glory of marriage

42:55 with fixed assigned roles and responsibilities and the glory of the family brethren if ever if ever we needed to make it evident that we were committed to the standards of the word of God it is in this crucial area and so I say the peculiar circumstances of our society at this point in history makes the demand upon us even greater that we be competent as husbands and as fathers now brethren I make no apologies when I acknowledge I've gone after your consciences this morning I'm asserting that effective preaching in a pastoral context in our day demands exemplary biblical competence as husbands and as fathers