Sumbission: Potentially Saving Impact

Confession and Apology for Unnecessary Harshness

0:04 Now, before we turn to the Word of God, to read a portion of it, to pray, and then to seek to open up that portion, I have two things that are a kind of appendix to the ministry this morning. First of all, a number of you were very quick to tell me that when I opened up the book this morning, and to tell you that the print went out to the margins, it was small print. I turned to the only place in all 560 pages where there are two blank pages, and you were kind enough, I don't know how one of you resisted the temptation, at least one of you, to raise a hand and say, Pastor, there's nothing but blank spaces. This is what I should have done. Small print, print out to the edges. So I appreciate the good-natured way in which many of you, not a few of you, reminded me of my faux pas.

1:06 Now, the second matter is more serious. In my own devotions this morning, one of the portions that I read in seeking to prepare my heart to preach was 1 Corinthians 13. It says, if I speak with the tongues of men and angels and have not love, I am a clanging gong or brass, a tinkling clanging cymbal, etc. And one of the sisters mentioned to me as she went out this morning that in my earnestness in seeking to press home that when we're grappling with what the passage says, we ought not to be trying to find loopholes and exceptions, and I think I used language something akin to such and such a question was stupid. That was unnecessarily harsh and inflammatory.

1:58 It was not gracious. And...

2:01 If my own heart has been convicted, I've asked God's forgiveness. In many things we all offend. If a man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man able to bridle the whole body. What I should have said is such a question is inappropriate when we're seeking to grapple with the text.

2:19 And if any of you found that demeaning and unnecessarily hurtful, I do sincerely ask your forgiveness. I've asked God to forgive me, and I trust your forgiveness is extended. And now let us turn to that very portion that we began to consider this morning, 1 Peter chapter 3. 1 Peter chapter 3, and I shall read verses 1 through 6.

Reading of 1 Peter 3:1-6 and Prayer

2:50 In like manner, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that even if any obey not the word, they may without a word be gained by the behavior of the wives, beholding your chaste or pure behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be the outward adorning of braving of hair and of wearing jewels of gold or of putting on apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime, the holy women, also who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose children you now are, if you do well, and are not put in fear by any terror. Now let us again ask God's help and blessing in our study of his word. Let us pray. Our Father, we say with the psalmist, If you, O Lord, should mark iniquity, who could stand?

4:13 But we thank you there is forgiveness with you, that you may be feared. And we pray that you would cleanse and purge us of every stain of sin, that would dull our hearts and bloody our consciences, that we may afresh enter into your presence with clean hands and a pure heart. Come by your Spirit and bless. Our efforts to understand your word.

4:39 Help me as I seek to expound it. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of our hearts together be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, our strength and our Redeemer. Amen. Now those of you who frequent this place of worship know that for a number of months we have been working our way through, in the morning services, an exposition of, a book of the Bible that we call 1 Peter.

Recap of the Wife's Duty of Submission (1 Peter 3:1a)

5:13 But because we have our ladies' retreat this coming weekend and Pastor Hendricks will be ministering next Lord's Day, I did not want a two-week break in the flow of thought in 1 Peter 3, verses 1 and 2, and so I made the decision to seek to expound this passage both this morning and again this evening. And what we considered this morning was this divine, divine directive to wives in 1 Peter 3, 1a. In like manner, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands. And as we considered together this portion of the word of God, we had occasion to note, first of all, the specific objects of this divine directive. Peter, by the inspiration of the Spirit, is writing specifically to wives. What is said in this portion is not written directly to husbands, but to wives. It is not a manual on what a husband is to do with respect to his wife.

6:22 He addresses the husbands in verse 7. But rather this is directed to wives, but not simply as wives, but as Christian wives. Peter addresses these wives assuming that they have experienced the wonders, of redemptive grace, as he has described those wonders in the first two chapters. And because he assumes that they are the recipients of God's saving grace in Christ, he is confident that these wives have what I call grace-produced motives inclining them to obedience, and grace-produced power enabling them unto obedience. And then secondly, we looked at the unmistakable essence of this divine directive. Peter writes and says very simply, in like manner, you wives be in subjection to your own husbands. What is commanded?

7:29 What is commanded is that wives voluntarily submit themselves to the authority of their husbands. And the Greek verb, upotasso, used some 40 times in the New Testament, in every single instance contains this meaning of submitting or subjecting oneself to the authority of another, or being subjected to the authority of another, if it is in the passive form. So what Peter commands would have been clearly understood by these wives. He did not use authority.

8:10 He did not use a term that only people with Ph.D.s would understand. He did not use a term that was foreign to their everyday vocabulary.

8:20 When he wrote to them, be in subjection to your own husbands, it was an unmistakable directive given through the apostle, and therefore by the Lord Jesus Christ himself. But this subordination is to be rendered only to their husbands. Why? Wives, be in subjection not to all men in general, but to your own husbands in particular.

8:49 And while there is, in the teaching of the word of God, a relationship that God has established for women to men in the life of the church, and in society certain other structures that is not being addressed in this passage, it is that kind of subordination that is exclusive, exclusive to the husband. And we tried to set before you that in practical terms what this means is that every Christian wife must embrace from the heart her husband's God-appointed position as head and leader, and as an expression of that heart disposition, must obey him in his specific directives unless they contravene the word and the law of God. Now tonight we take up 1b and verse 2. In like manner, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that even if any obey not the word, they may without a word be gained by the behavior of their wives, beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. If we focus this morning on the clear duty of the wife's submission, if we focus this morning on the clear duty of the wife's submission, our study in this portion of the text tonight

The Potentially Saving Impact of Submission (1 Peter 3:1b-2)

10:14 could well be called the potentially saving impact of the wife's submission. 3.1a underscores the clear duty of the wife's submission. 3.1b and verse 2 points to the potentially saving impact of the wife's submission.

The Grievous Situation Envisioned: An Unconverted Husband

10:39 And as I attempt to unpack the passage, I want you to note with me first of all the grievous situation envisioned. What is the situation that Peter envisions? Well, as he is writing this letter and gives this general description to all of these Christian wives, telling them, now you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, he anticipates an objection that might come from one of those wives who has an unconverted husband. His assumption is that the majority of them have converted, saved husbands.

11:17 And so he writes, saying, this directive obtains and is applicable to all of you wives, now notice the language, that even if, assuming that such a situation would not be the norm but the exception, that even if, he didn't say because since, most do not obey but even if any obey not the word. So the grievous situation envisioned by Peter would be in these instances most likely one that came to pass after this pattern. Here are a man or here is a man and a woman who have contracted a marriage in their state of pagan indifference to God and to His truth, to His law. Perhaps they've never heard that truth as it is revealed in the scriptures. And in that state they contracted a marriage. They began to develop patterns within their marriage.

12:21 And by one means or another the gospel is brought to that couple. Perhaps through an itinerant evangelist, perhaps through the witness of a Christian there in the area of Asia Minor, perhaps as we saw in our original studies of this episode, some of these people may have been part of the group that was there in Jerusalem on the day of Pentecost. One or two of these areas are included among those who were there. They may have heard the gospel and gone back to these areas of Asia Minor.

12:55 But as the gospel is preached, the Spirit of God lays hold of the woman's conscience. And she begins to experience what Paul described in Romans 7 this morning. Where once she heard, she was a carefree pagan wife, suddenly she begins to be a woman who is taking very seriously the fact that she has offended a holy God. She's not right with God.

13:20 And she hears in the preaching of the gospel that in the person and work of Jesus Christ, God has made a way that guilty sinners may be forgiven. That sinners may be brought to a place of spiritual life and liberty in Jesus Christ. Her husband hears the same gospel. He comes under the same proclamation of that truth.

13:43 But in God's inscrutable sovereign operations in grace, the heart of this woman is subdued. She is begotten again by the word of truth. She is brought to repentance and faith and openly confesses her faith in the waters of baptism and becomes a part of one of the congregations there in Asia Minor. Her husband's attitude is, I want nothing to do with this gospel.

14:11 I want nothing to do with this Christ. He has heard the word, but notice what the text says, if any obey not the word. And the word here is not simply the word for unbelief, if any is unbelieving, but it speaks of a deep settled disposition of being unpersuaded, resolute, determined unbelief. That's the picture of this man.

14:41 And Peter envisions this grievous situation in which grace has laid hold of the wife, the husband, the man remains in his disposition of determined unbelief even though he's been exposed to the word. Notice, he obeys not the word. His adamant disposition is in the full light of having been confronted with the message of life and salvation in Jesus Christ. Now as Peter envisions that situation, it's as though he can anticipate what some wives in that condition might be thinking when for the first time they hear these words, And you wives, likewise you wives, be in subjection, to your own husbands. And it's as though he anticipates such a woman saying, But Peter, you don't understand my situation. I have a husband who resolutely refuses to obey the word. He will not respect the word in its basic directives of uprightness and decency and honesty, let alone embrace the saving word of the gospel.

16:04 His whole attitude is one of determined disobedience to the word. Peter, surely you don't mean that I am to be in subjection to this man who does not obey the word. Surely, Peter, you don't mean that I must render to him the same disposition of subordination that my sisters render to their husbands who have obeyed the word, who are seeking to walk in the light of the word. Who are seeking to frame their lives in obedience to the word.

16:39 And Peter says, Yes, yes, I do mean that you as well as they are to be in subjection to your own husbands. He does envision a grievous situation where Christ himself has brought the sword of division. Matthew 10.34 Think not that I came to say this, not that I came to send peace on the earth.

17:05 I came not to send peace, but a sword. This couple may have been a happy, frolicking, pagan, ideal couple for all we know. But now the gospel sword has come and created a division. And Peter says, Though the gospel sword has created that division, the duty of the wife is nonetheless clear.

17:29 You must be in subjection to your own husbands that even if any obey not the word. Now there are two other possibilities in which a woman might find herself in that position. Most likely the scenario I've described would be the one most prevalent in the churches there in Asia Minor. But it could be that someone went through the semblance of a profession of faith and ultimately then rejects that profession.

18:00 The woman may have contracted a marriage as a Christian thinking the husband was a Christian, but eventually he shows himself to be a non-Christian. Or it could be the sad and tragic situation wherein a person just willfully disobeyed the clear commandment of scripture, be not unequally yoked. And with open-eyed refusal to obey the word of God, allowed herself to get romantically involved and eventually married an unconverted man. But in whatever grievous situation any woman finds herself married to someone who does not obey the word, God's will for that wife is still explicit and clear. You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands that even if any obey not the word. But now notice, secondly, not only the grievous situation in vision, but the hopeful result described. It's a hopeful result.

The Hopeful Result Described: Husbands Gained 'Without a Word'

19:11 It's not a certain or an inevitable or absolutely certain result, but it is a hopeful result in vision. What is it? Notice the language of the text. That even if any obey not the word, they may, without a word, be gained by the behavior of their wives, beholding your chaste or pure or holy behavior coupled with fear.

19:44 Note with me as we seek to open up this hopeful result described, the focus of this hopeful result and then the means of this hopeful result. What is the focus of this hopeful result? It's bound up in the words that they may be gained. Now, what does that mean, that they may be gained?

20:07 Well, if we let Scripture, interpret Scripture, we will come to the persuasion that to be gained means nothing less than to be converted, to be saved. Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 9 where the Apostle Paul uses this same verb five times and after his last use of it, he uses a synonym. And the synonym he uses is the word saved. In this passage, Paul is dealing with the subject of Christian liberty.

20:39 What a Christian does with things that are not strictly forbidden by God's law. And he says as a gospel preacher, I'm willing to forego lawful liberties that I might be more effective as a winner of souls. And now we pick up the reading in verse 19 of 1 Corinthians 9. For though I was free from all men, I brought myself under bondage to all that I might, here's our verb, gain the more.

21:06 To the Jews I became as a Jew that I might gain Jews. To them that are under the law as under the law not being myself under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law. To them that are without law as without law, not being without law to God but under law to Christ, that I might, four views, gain them that are without law. To the weak I became weak, that I might, fifth views, gain the weak, I become all things to all men that I may by all means save some. What does Paul mean to gain them? Is he going out getting votes as to who is the most popular apostle? What does he mean gain them? He means to gain them for Christ, to be an instrument in the hands of God to see them brought to repentance and faith, to see them become real Christians. Now, back to 1 Peter chapter 3. The focus of this hopeful result that Peter

22:03 sets before these women with their husbands who do not obey the word is that they may gain them, that they may win them to Christ, and that they may so be gained that not only won to Christ in a real sense, they would be won to Christ in a real sense. They would be won to Christ in a real sense. They would be won to Christ in a real sense. They would be won to Christ in a real sense. They would be won to Christ in a real sense.

22:26 They would be won to Christ in a real sense. They would be won to Christ in a real sense. They would be won to Christ in a real sense. They would be won into a totally numerical relationship. They would be brought into the family of God. So in seeking to encourage these saved wives to fulfill their God-given duty, to be submissive to their unconverted husbands, he holds out this hopeful result. I underscore again, not an absolutely certain result, but a possible hopeful result, knowing that, in the heart of any woman, there is Any true Christian woman, the thought that her submission, as painful as it might be to this man who does not obey the word, as difficult as it might be because of who and what he is, if by so doing she not only pleases God, but can be the instrument of his being rescued from eternal damnation,

23:21 he knows he's got a very powerful hook in the heart of these Christian wives. He knows that something's more important to them than their comfort. He knows that something's more important to them than how easy and how happy their marital life is. So Peter holds out to them this hopeful, possible result of their loving, principle submission to these who obey not the word, that even if any obey, not the word, they may without a word be gained.

The Means of This Hopeful Result: Lifestyle, Observation, Purity, and Fear

23:55 That they may be gained. That they may be gained. Now what are the means of this hopeful result? Peter states the means, first of all negatively, and then positively.

24:09 Negatively, he writes, that they may not without the word, but without a word. Then he says that these obey not the word, the article, before the word is there in the original. And it's a play on words. Peter says, here is the character of these husbands.

24:32 They resolutely refuse to be persuaded and obey the word of the gospel. Now he says, they may be gained without a word. That is, without the wife feeling that her role is to be that of a constant, nagging, verbal, evangelist. Is he saying that people can be gained or saved without the word absolutely?

25:00 Of course not. Peter already wrote in his letter, and surely he would not be so self-forgetful that we are begotten again, chapter 1, in verse 23, having been begotten again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible through the word of God. He had written earlier in this first chapter that these people were converted, and were brought to faith when men came and preached the gospel that focused on the sufferings of Christ and the glories that should follow a gospel attended with the Holy Spirit sent down from heaven. Peter is not teaching that people can be saved without hearing the word and truth of the gospel.

25:41 These husbands have already heard the word. They are disobeying the word. Not just disobeying the light of conscience, the light of nature, general revelation. They've been converted, and confronted with special revelation.

25:55 But having been confronted with it, a couple of you gals, I don't know why you're here, but I've been waiting about 15 minutes to see you stop your talking, and your giggling. I'm not looking at you because I don't want to embarrass you, but I'm not talking to myself, and we're in the presence of God. I'm looking up at the beams because you're guests, and I don't want to be rude, but I cannot have God and His word insulted in an open way without speaking to you. Now please, if you have no intention, to listen to the word of God, don't add to your condemnation by sitting in this place.

26:29 Please, attend to the word of God.

26:32 It's very distressing.

26:35 I trust you'll hear me. All right, coming back now.

26:44 He says that they may, without a word, be one. He's not teaching that people can be converted without the scriptures. That may be the problem with some of you sitting here playing games while I'm preaching. You're so indifferent to your soul, you won't even hear the word of God.

26:58 My friend, until you take this book seriously, you will never become a Christian. You will never be saved. You must take the word seriously. But Peter is saying that here these people are refusing to obey the word, and he says to these wives, the means of this hopeful result will be a means, stated negatively, without a word.

27:21 These husbands have heard the word of the gospel, they reject it, but he holds out this hope to these women, they may, without a word, without, without you feeling that your primary role is that of a confrontational, constant, verbal evangelist, they may be one. Now what are the means positively stated? Well, Peter says three things in the passage. Look at them.

27:45 First of all, it is the consistent pattern of the wife's life that is the means of gaining the husband. Two times in short compass he uses one of his favorite words translated in the old 1901 1901 by the word behavior. It's that word we've considered several times in the previous expositions, anastrophe, translated in contemporary English, lifestyle, pattern of life. It's the word that Peter used when he spoke of their vain pattern of life.

28:19 He speaks of it, uses it five times in this epistle, and here in our text tonight, two times he says, if any obey not the word, then the word of God, they may without a word be gained by, here it is, the behavior, the lifestyle, the pattern of life manifested by their wives, beholding your chaste or pure, here's our word again, behavior. Twice he sits on the word lifestyle. Lifestyle. Lifestyle.

28:52 Not word style. Lifestyle. Not pattern of thought, but pattern of walk. Not what comes into your husband's ears, but as we shall see what comes into his eyeballs.

29:04 The means then positively stated, first of all, the consistent pattern of the wife's life. Secondly, it is this pattern as observed by her unconverted husband. Look again at the text. That they may be gained by the behavior of the wives, beholding, looking at, seeing, observing, observing your holy manner of life.

29:35 And the only other place this word beholding is used in the New Testament is right here in chapter 2, where Peter used it in verse 12. And no doubt he's making this connection with these wives. In this general appeal to a godly life, to validate the gospel before an unbelieving world, Peter says in verse 12, having your behavior honorable among the Gentiles, that wherein they speak, speak against you as evil doers, they may by your good works, here's our verb, which they behold. Good works which they behold.

30:11 Now he says to these wives, your good works, which must be seen by your unconverted husband, who does not obey the word, it is beholding your pattern of life. In other words, it is not her pattern of life before her sisters in the church, that will be the primary means to gain her husband. It isn't her pattern of life before the neighbors. It isn't her pattern of life before the gals that she meets in the lunchroom at the Christian school.

30:47 It isn't her pattern of life primarily before any other circle of contact but that of her unconverted husband, that they, that is those who obey not the word, may be gained, while they behold. What is the means? Positively stated, the consistent pattern of the wife's life, the pattern of her life of observed by her unconverted husband, and thirdly, a pattern of life characterized by two things. Look at the two things that Peter identifies.

31:20 Beholding your chaste, your holy behavior, coupled with fear. He focuses upon two characters, characteristics of her life as the husband beholds her, as he scrutinizes her, as he observes her, and the first is her unquestioned moral purity. Now this word translated in the older versions, virgins, virgins, chaste, is the word used in 2 Corinthians 11 in verse 2. Paul speaking to the Corinthians, expresses his pastoral passion, his love for his wife, his love for her, and his passion for them in these words, I am jealous over you with a godly jealousy, for I espoused you to one husband, that I might present you as a pure, there's our word, a pure virgin to Christ. And there, of course, the connotations of moral purity are embedded in the very use of that imagery. But then in 1 John 3, 3, it is used in conjunction with the purity, with the purity of the moral essence of God himself. Every man that hath this hope in him purifies himself even as he is, here's our word, pure.

32:45 Even as he is pure. God is morally unstained. He is a God of absolute moral purity. Now this would of course include, some would say it is the primary emphasis of the passage.

33:02 I don't believe so. But it certainly would include, her sexual purity. You see, Peter was a married man and a realist. Now think of these wives.

33:13 They once knew what a pagan lifestyle was. A lifestyle in which for the most part, and especially in that culture, men treated women with disdain. They come into a community of converted men. Men who are manifesting the grace and the fruit of the Spirit in their lives.

33:37 They see these men becoming gentle and sensitive and gracious in the way they relate to their wives specifically and to all women generally. They don't treat them with contempt. They aren't a bunch of men strutting around with their carnal machoism, demeaning women, using slur words about women. And as this woman who still must live with her pagan husband, who refuses to obey the word, mingles among the people of God, she becomes aware of all of the things she's quote missing in her relationship to her husband.

34:18 She hears other wives talk about praying together with their husbands. She hears the other wives speaking about the ways in which the husbands are seeking to dwell with them according to knowledge. You see how vulnerable she is? She's vulnerable.

34:35 She can begin to find herself committing emotional adultery. She may have no illicit desires for illicit sexual relations with any of these men, but she can begin to let out her heart in an emotional affinity that is a form of emotional adultery. Peter says, look, as you walk before the scrutiny of that husband who does not obey the word, as you walk before him with the hope that your lifestyle may be instrumental in gaining him to the truth of the gospel, you must be concerned that you walk in a consistent pattern of life observed by him that is marked by absolute moral purity, that he has absolutely no just grounds to think you have either eyes or feelings or desires for other men. But the use of the word is broader than sexual purity, though one cannot escape those overtones from its use in 2 Corinthians 11, a chaste virgin. But when the word is used of the moral purity of God, it is broader. And that helps this woman to realize my submission to this man must never be such that I will submit to him

35:58 at the expense of disobeying my God. That would be obedience at the expense of purity. Purity is defined by the law and word of God. If the husband asks her to do that, which would mean she would stain herself with ethical and moral impurity, she must graciously resist his authority and acknowledge that she has a higher authority.

36:27 That husband must see that at the root of a true Christian is a commitment to do the will of God no matter what it costs. And so he says to these wives, be in submission, be in subjection to your own husbands, that even if any obey not the word, they may without a word be gained by the behavior of the wife. And what is the mark of that behavior? It is chaste.

36:57 It is holy behavior. But then the second characteristic, he says, is this. It is appropriate fear. Chaste behavior coupled with fear.

37:10 In the original it reads, beholding your in fear chaste manner of life. Beholding your in fear chaste manner of life. Now what is the fear that is to be the atmosphere of her lifestyle? Well, we know from the context what it is not.

37:35 Notice how the passage closes. This paragraph closes with the words, you are showing yourself to be the true daughters of Sarah as you respect the authority of your husband and are not put in fear by any terror. As you live out your submission to your husband it must be evident that you are not intimidated by threats. Well, you must forsake your Christian experience or I will this, or I will that, or I'll do this, or I'll not do that.

38:09 They must be women of moral courage. So it's not the cringing fear of the coward. It is not the dread of her husband's intimidations. No.

38:20 It cannot be that fear for the passage closes forbidding such a fear. Well, what is it then? Well, it's either one of two things or both. It's either the fear of God, one of Peter's constant emphases in his letter.

38:33 Remember we confronted the directive, to the fear of God in chapter 2 and verse 17. Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God.

38:44 In verse 18, the servants are to be submissive to their masters. In what spirit? With all fear. In chapter 1 and verse 18, we are to pass the time of our sojourning, verse 17, in fear.

39:00 In chapter 3 and verse 15, sanctify Christ as Lord, ready to give an answer to every man who asks you of the hope that is within you with meekness and in fear. So it could well be that Peter is pointing these wives to this fundamental grace of living out their lives before the scrutiny of their husbands who do not obey the word in a context of moral purity suffused with the fear of God. And he's saying to these wives, live out your submission to your husband with a constant eye, knowing that you have the smile of your God upon you and the constant dread that you would do anything to incur his frown. It may be that that's the fear he's talking about. On the other hand, it may be that he's referring to that fear that we would call a reverential respect for her husband. And why do I say that? Well, in Ephesians 5, a parallel passage, Paul's directives to husbands and wives closes with a fear that is directed to the husband, not to God.

40:13 Look at verse 33 of Ephesians 5. Nevertheless, do you also severally love each one his own wife, even as himself, and let the wife see that she fear not God but her husband? And that's the verbal form of the same word. Forbe- Oh, it's the verb.

40:30 Phobos is the noun. Could it be that Peter has picked up on that thread of thought in his saying, you wives, you are to live out this lifestyle in the presence of your husband in a context marked by chastity, by moral purity, and not only by the fear of God, but by making it evident that to this scoundrel who won't obey the word, you are yet prepared to defer to him with the reverential respect that is his simply because he's your husband? Well, if it's the former, the fear of God, it will obviously include the second. And if it's the second, you can bet your boots it will only be permanent and steady if it's rooted in the first. So I'm not prepared to pontificate and say it's either or. Peter no doubt had one of the two in mind. Which one?

41:25 I don't know. Maybe that's a question we can ask him when we get to heaven. But nonetheless, it means something. And if it doesn't mean both, it means one or the other, and no matter how you cut it, he is saying to these women, this is a matter of great seriousness.

41:41 This is not a matter to be taken lightly. If you are to have hope that God will use your pattern of life to be an instrument in his hands to gain your husband, then live out that life in purity and in fear. Now what have we learned then from this passage? The passage in which we've considered first of all, the grievous situation envisioned and then the hopeful result described.

Principle: Duty Unconditioned by Another's Spiritual State

42:11 Well, the first thing we've learned and I want to underscore it again, I touched on it briefly this morning, is that the duties of husbands and wives in the marital relationship are not conditioned by the spiritual state of the other party. We need to get hold of that until it becomes a deeply rooted conviction within our souls. If we turn, as we find in John chapter 21, the Lord makes this will known to Peter. He says, if you're going to follow me, eventually, it's going to lead to martyrdom.

42:54 When you were young and you were a little kid, you went out, ran where you wanted to go, did what you wanted to do, but when you're old, people are going to take you where you wouldn't choose to go. This spoke he, signifying by what death he should glorify God. And then he turns to Peter and says, now follow me. What Peter does, instead of saying, yes, Lord, at all costs, your will for me is clear, I will follow you, he turns around and says, and Lord, what shall this man do?

43:20 What about John? You know what the Lord said to him? He said, what is that to you? That's a very euphemistic, polite translation.

43:30 The Lord was really saying graciously, M-Y-O-D, my own business. What is that to you? If I will that he tarry till I come, what's that have to do with you, Peter? I've told you, Peter, what my will for you is.

43:48 You, if you love me, are to feed my sheep, feed my lambs, you are to shepherd my sheep, and in the course of obeying me, one day, you're going to be stretched out against your will and martyred. Now, Peter, follow me. Tell me, Lord Jesus, I love you, I've been loving you, I'm going to follow you even to martyrdom. Follow me.

44:10 What, Peter, is that to you? It's my own business. Whatever my will is for John, that's my will for John. What's that have to do with you, Peter?

44:20 And when God comes to wives and says, wives, it's not for you to say, but Lord, what about my... What is that to you?

44:30 You follow him. It is the Lord who has laid hold of you in grace. Pardoned, cleansed you, quickened you to life and salvation. And it is your Lord, through his apostle, who says to you, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, regardless of what he is spiritually and what he does.

44:55 Now, surely, if that is given in the context where the husband is unquestionably unconverted, he's not obeyed. He's not obeying the word. And yet, the Spirit of God says, you wives, your duty is nonetheless clear. How much more, when you've got husbands who are something less than models of Ephesians 5, selfish, selfless, sacrificial, self-giving love.

45:24 You see, if only my husband were more like the husband of Ephesians 5, if only he would understand verse 7 of 1 Peter. He doesn't have a clue of what makes me what I am as a woman. He doesn't dwell with me according to knowledge. He doesn't even know who I am.

45:40 What is that to you? Dear Christian wife, God has set your duty before you. He's surrounded you with all the blessings of His grace. He's placed His Spirit within you, and He calls you to a life of obedience.

45:58 A wife's duty to submit to her husband is not conditioned by the state and the conduct of her husband. It is determined by the word and the will of Christ. And that principle is so crucial. And I trust all of us will pray it in the flesh if we have not hitherto prayed it in.

Application to Wives with Unconverted Husbands: Gratitude and Hopeful Prayer

46:20 But now from our passage, I want to make two pointed applications. And the first is to you wives who have unconverted husbands. Because the passage that we've considered tonight, 1b and verse 2, is addressed explicitly to those of you in that situation. I want to ask you something.

46:42 Have you ever considered how thankful you should be that you're in that situation? It's easy for you to say. Thankful for what? You could be just like your husband, obeying not the word.

46:57 On the broad road that leads to destruction, blind to the glories of God in the face of Christ, unprepared to die, ready to drop into hell, whatever heartache and hardship and pain and discomfort comes because the sword of division has entered your marriage, my dear Christian wife and sister, rejoice that God has not left you in your sin. You might be the happiest couple in the world giggling your way into outer darkness. We have neighbors for whom we continually pray. They seem to have such good marriages that one of my deepest griefs is that they have no felt need. Now, I'm glad that in common grace they have good marriages. Don't mistake me. I don't want to be waking at three o'clock in the morning with the neighbors fighting and throwing cans and cats at one another.

48:03 But because they have such fulfillment in their marriage, they have no evident felt need of grace. And for you women who live with the burden of an unconverted husband, have you sought to cultivate gratitude to God that every morning when you put your feet on the floor in a divided household, it's grace that has made it a divided household. You could be united under the dominion of the devil, but Christ has broken in with the rule and reign of his grace. And there are many things the devil hates, but one thing he hates with a peculiarly fiendish hatred is a cheerful praise-filled heart. He hates that. Be filled with the Spirit speaking one to another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. May God help you wives with unconverted husbands to be thankful that God's saving grace has produced that divided home and that that grace may yet make it a united home.

49:14 And that's the second strand of my exhortation to you with unconverted husbands. Be hopeful and prayerful that God would use your silent preaching to win your husbands. While he shuts his ears to the Word, preach daily and hourly into his eyeballs. That's what this passage says.

49:37 If any obey not the Word, beholding your manner of life. He can't ignore the woman that lives in the same house with him. And Peter says, where he won't hear the Word with his ears, make him see its power with his eyeballs. That's what you need to do is concentrate your prayers that God would make that preaching to his eyes effectual that he may in the language of our text without a word be gained.

Application to Parallel Circumstances: Silent Preaching to Unconverted Loved Ones

50:13 Without a word be gained. But then I want to say a word to those of you in what I'm calling all situations with parallel circumstances. This text speaks explicitly and specifically to wives with unconverted husbands. And I've tried to make my focused application to your instruction, to your encouragement.

50:38 But there are principles here that apply to all situations with parallel circumstances. You men who may have unconverted wives, surely the principles apply here. You are to embrace God's revealed will for you as a husband. You are to love that wife who does not obey the Word with the love wherewith Christ loves His church.

51:07 Were we very lovable when He loved us? We're not very lovable even though He's been working in us some of us for decades. But He loved the church and gave Himself up for it, not because it was lovable, but because He loved us. And you husbands are to fulfill your God-given duty, giving loving leadership to your wife as unlovely as she may be in her sin and in her refusal to obey the Word, that without a word she may be won by your manner of life.

51:47 And you, we, we who are parents with unconverted children, people to whom God has bound us with peculiar ties of blood and familial relationships, and we've brought the Word to them again and again, and their disposition is, I will not obey the Word. What is to be our main avenue of impact upon them? May I suggest that the answer lies in part in this passage? We are to so live before them that they cannot escape the pressure through their eyeballs of what the Gospel is and what the Gospel does.

52:29 It's not that they have not heard the Word. They have heard it times without number, some of them, and how frustrating it can be and how often we think, well, if only we could get someone who would say the right thing in the right set of circumstances. No, we need to pray that God would use the silent but consistent pressure of our own walk before them to be an instrument in His hands. Those relatives and work associates to whom you have brought the Word, you have spoken to them, you've left literature with them, you've left tapes with them.

53:04 Am I saying anything to discourage ongoing verbal witness, the passing out of tracts, the distribution of Gospel literature? Not at all. But what I'm saying is that in those more intimate relationships where the Word has been brought and there is a disposition of refusal to obey the Word, lay hold of the principle of the tremendous power of a consistent walk before those people and pray that God may make it effectual to persuade them that there is something very, very desirable in the life of a true child of God. In like manner, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, even if any obey not the Word. They may, without a word, be gained by the behavior of their wives. As I was preparing for this ministry, I could not help but think four or five times of an incident that came before us recently when we were interviewing someone for membership. And when we were asking this individual, Tell us, what were the things God used in your conversion?

54:15 This man said, Well, one of the major things, not the only thing, but one of the major things that brought him out of his life of total indifference to the Word. His wife had been converted for several years. He was utterly indifferent to the Gospel. But he said the thing that God used in a peculiar way was walking by the bedroom of one of his children one evening and hearing his own son with his wife in there with him praying for his salvation.

54:47 And it went like an arrow to his heart. What was that woman doing? She was not preaching to him. She was fulfilling her role as a godly wife and mother, carrying on the burden of having to give spiritual leadership to her children.

55:04 She wasn't out there nagging her husband, Why don't you pray for the kids? She was in there doing what God has called her to do. And in the way of her godly obedience, God was pleased to send an arrow to this man's heart. And he sits here today as a part of this assembly.

55:24 One without a word. Oh yes, he had heard the word. And he continued to hear it subsequent to that. But God used that godly act in that setting to be an arrow to his heart.

55:38 May God grant that each of us will take fresh hope as we seek to bear witness to the truth and power of the Gospel that as we live before the face of God lives characterized by purity and godly fear, that God will use that witness as a powerful means to see others brought to faith in our Lord Jesus. Let us pray. Our Father, we are indeed thankful for your word. We thank you for guiding your servant the Apostle Peter to write these words of instruction and encouragement to those wives who had to live their lives in the difficulty of a divided household. And we pray that where this word is needed by any of our dear sisters in this place that you would bring it home with power and with great encouragement to their hearts. And as we think of parallel situations in which all of us live, oh Lord, give us grace so to cling to Christ and so to follow Christ in the power of the Spirit that our lives may constantly preach to people's consciences when their ears are stopped to your word. May their eyes become the medium

57:06 by which we enter their consciences. Help us, our Father, to see our inconsistencies. Help us to be ruthless in dealing with our own sins and failures and enable us by your grace so to walk that others beholding us would know indeed what it is to be a true Christian. Do bless us as we go out into our various relationships and contacts with the unconverted in the week that is before us.

57:37 Give us opportunities to winsomely and wisely speak the truth of the Gospel. Give us grace consistently and pervasively to live out the truth and manifest the power of the Gospel as we live before our spouses, as we live before our children, our relatives, our work associates, our neighbors. Help us, O God, that we indeed will be light and salt in the midst of this crooked and perverse generation. Hear our prayer.

58:10 Accept our thanks for your blessings to us this day. And we pray, our Father, for those who sit in this auditorium tonight who are not obeying the word of the Gospel. We pray that you would have gracious dealings with them that they will not be able to go on indifferent to the claims of Christ and to the need of their own never-dying souls. May they point back to this day as the day when they began to have serious dealings with you.

58:43 Hear then our prayers and dismiss us with your blessing, we ask through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.