Your Family life, Part 1

Introduction: Hold Fast to Biblically Ordered, Gospel-Flavored Family Life

0:04 Again, and for the last time, the words of our Savior,

0:11 Nevertheless, that which you have, hold fast until I come. Let's pray again. Holy Father, as we again will be exhorted to hold fast to things that are part of the stewardship of truth given to us over the years, we ask that your Holy Spirit will come and do his work of writing his own truth upon our hearts with clarity and with power. Enable me to speak as I ought and your people to hear as they ought.

0:55 Come to us, refresh us, convict us, instruct us. But, O Lord, do not leave us to ourselves, we plead. In Jesus' name, amen. We come tonight to the seventh and final message in this relatively brief series of sermons, which I have entitled, Parting Councils to the Members and Friends of Trinity Baptist Church.

1:29 God willing, next Lord's Day morning, I want to bring a farewell message. I don't have a clue as to what that message will be. As of now, but I believe it would be appropriate, and I look to God for guidance and trust that you will pray for me, that the Lord will direct me in that that will constitute my final message to you as one of your pastors. After the first word of counsel, all of the others have taken their starting point from these words of our Lord Jesus, spoken to the church at Thyatira.

2:09 Hold fast that which you have until I come. And they clearly imply that the people of God have a solemn responsibility to know what they have, and knowing it, to hold fast to it in the way of spiritual discipline. I've counseled and entreated you to hold fast to your biblical churchmanship, and opening up and applying. Seven specific aspects of what that churchmanship involves.

2:46 Then I counseled you this morning to hold fast to your convictions and practice concerning the Lord's Day Sabbath. Now this evening, my parting word of counsel is this. Hold fast your convictions and practice concerning biblically ordered, gospel-flavored family life.

Explanation and Justification of the Counsel

3:14 Hold fast to your convictions and your practice concerning biblically ordered, gospel-flavored family life. Now, conscious that we have some precious singles among us, some who have spent a lifetime as singles, some who wonder if, perhaps, singleness may be their portion, I'm conscious that I'm not speaking directly to you tonight, and yet I am speaking to you. For the more you know of what God expects of married couples and of families, the more intelligently you can pray for your brothers and sisters, the more spiritually minded you can be in your interaction with them, and the more accurate, can be your admonitions and exhortations to them. And so I'm conscious that in speaking on this subject, I'm bypassing you, but I don't do that with indifference to you. God has given you peculiar privileges and responsibilities as someone to whom he has denied the privileges and responsibilities of a family, and I have addressed those in other sessions.

4:39 But I am conscious that you're here, and I'm not speaking directly to you, but I must do it anyway. So then, I want to begin in opening up this word of counsel by giving an explanation and a justification of the words of this counsel. Insofar as your present convictions and your present practice conform to the word of God, hold fast to those things both in your understanding and in your practice. Now, the key words to this word of counsel are hold fast to your biblically ordered family life. Believing that the Bible's teaching on the family is trans-cultural, authoritative, and inspired by God, what the Bible says about family life, God says. And what God says about family life applies in Eritrea, it applies in Pakistan, it applies in Sweden, it applies in the United States, it applies in the first century, in the second, and in the 21st century.

6:05 So I preach believing that there is a biblical, biblically ordered structure for family life. And then I've used the term gospel-flavored. I wrestled with whether to say gospel-savored, or gospel-flavored, or gospel, I had another word that I was wrestling with, but I settled on gospel-flavored. And what do I mean by that?

6:32 Simply this. The bulk of the teaching of Scripture regarding family life comes from the teaching of the Bible. It comes in the context of the influence of the gospel. When we open up a key passage as we'll do tonight in Ephesians chapter 5, the assumption is that all those addressed in Ephesians 5, husbands, wives, parents, children, have experienced the salvation described in chapters 1, 2, and 3.

7:04 Furthermore, the assumption is that those who are addressed in chapter 5, are passionate about no longer walking as the Gentiles walk, Ephesians 4, 17, and are deeply desirous of being not drunk with wine, but filled with the Spirit, Ephesians 5 and verse 18. And it is only after all of that dense, rich, powerful gospel reality, that the issues of the family are addressed. And so, I am speaking tonight giving this word of counsel that you hold fast your convictions and practice concerning biblically ordered, but gospel-flavored family life. Family life in which the gospel is constantly operating in the hearts and in the minds and in the relationships of husbands and wives, of parents and children, and children to their parents. Now, why is this issue so crucial? Why among all the things that could be the subject of my parting counsels, have I focused upon this?

Why This Issue is Crucial

8:21 Well, my answer is threefold. Number one, because of the strategic place of the family as the basic unit of society. In Genesis 1, we read that after God created the man and the woman, Genesis 1, we read that after God created the man and the woman, Genesis 1, we read that after God created the man and the woman, Genesis 1, we read that after God created the man and the woman, Genesis 1, we read that after God created the man and the woman, after His own image and likeness, He commanded them to be fruitful and to multiply, to replenish the earth, to subdue it. And God there instituted the family as the basic unit of society made up of a man and a woman, brought together, according to chapter 2, in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship, according to chapter 2, in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship, out of which children would be born and would become the basic unit of society. And in our own country in particular, in the last 30 to 40 years, there has been nothing less than an all-out frontal attack upon that fundamental, that basic unit of a stable society. And it is crucial that as the people of God, if there is any area in which we no longer walk as the Gentiles walk, it is in the area of the family.

9:43 But then I have a second reason for addressing this subject, and it is this. Because of the strategic place of biblically-ordered, gospel-flavored family life among the requirements for leadership in Christ's church. One of the great principles taught throughout the Scriptures, Old and New Testaments, is that the people of God rise no higher than their leaders. They may not rise as high as them, but they do not rise higher than their leadership.

10:20 And when we turn to passages such as 1 Timothy 3, 4 and 5, and 3.12, and Titus 1, one of the fundamental requirements for leadership in Christ's church is that men be proven men who rule well their own families, their own households. Men who are one-women men. It is evident there is one woman in their heart, their eyes, their bed, and in their affections.

10:56 And likewise for deacons, that they also are to rule their houses well. And so, if this church is to continue to prosper, if this church is to continue to prosper, And so, if this church is to continue to prosper, And so, if this church is to continue to prosper, And so, if this church is to continue to prosper, it will only be as out of the rank and file of the people of God there emerge biblically qualified men, which means there must be men who have biblically ordered gospel-flavored families that are exemplary to the entire body of God's people. But then thirdly, I'm addressing this subject in this last message in this briefing, but then thirdly, I'm addressing this subject in this last message in this brief series, because of the current demonically-inspired attack upon the family as defined and directed by God. I need not give you the statistics of the horrible scourge of divorce. I need not tell you of what the homosexual and the lesbian community is doing I need not tell you of what the homosexual and the lesbian community is doing I need not tell you of what the homosexual and the lesbian community is doing This is discrimination between a man and a woman. This is discrimination between a man and a woman.

12:06 And when they tell you about the Meng Auto books that are used in the public school system which speak of the various arrangements for families where you've got two men or two women or other abnormalities. Dear people, this is nothing short of a demonically inspired frontal attack to seek to bring the entire structure of the family not just to disintegration but to the approbation of the worst forms of perversion. And therefore, in the light of that onslaught in the language of Ephesians 6, we must stand in the evil day and having done all, continue to stand. And so it is for this reason that I want to address tonight this subject of holding.

Description of a Biblically Ordered, Gospel-Flavored Family: The Husband

13:21 And fast both to your convictions and your practice with respect to a biblically ordered gospel-flavored family life. Now, secondly, I want to set before you a brief description of what a biblically ordered and gospel-flavored family will look like. A brief description of what a biblically ordered, gospel-flavored family will look like. And here I ask you to turn with me to Ephesians 5. This passage has been thoroughly, carefully expounded many times in the course of my forty-six years among you, and I do not intend to give a careful exposition of it, but simply to remind you of its leading truths. In a family where the husband and the wife of the husband and the wife of the wife of the husband and the wife of the husband and the wife of the husband and the wife of the husband and the wife of the wife of the husband and the wife of the wife and the wife of the wife of the husband and his relationship to his wife is flavored with the gospel, what will that husband look like? Well, listen to the apostles' words. Ephesians 5, verse 25. Husbands, love your

14:30 wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it, that he might He might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his own wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church, because we are members of his body. Verse 33, Nevertheless do you also severally love. Each one his own wife, even as himself.

15:45 And then over to Colossians 3.19. I simply read the text in your hearing. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

15:58 And then 1 Peter 3 and verse 7. 1 Peter 3.7. You husbands, in like manner dwell with yourselves.

16:08 Your wives, according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman is unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint heirs of the grace of life, to the end, that your prayers be not hindered. Now when you put all that together and say, if by the grace of God and by the fullness of the Holy Spirit, a man has a biblically ordered, gospel-flavored relationship, to his wife, not perfectly, not as extensively as he hopes and prays and labors it shall be, but fundamentally, and really, these standards are not just abstract ideals that float by in the Bible, they are the norms that shape and mold and discipline the way he relates to his wife. What will he look like? Well, I've tried to put it all together, and here's the description.

17:11 This man, who has a biblically ordered, gospel-flavored relationship to his wife, he will exercise a selfless, sacrificial, nourishing and cherishing headship, administered in principled love and honor, in a context of, a growing understanding of his wife. That pulls together the Ephesians 5, the Colossians 3, the 1 Peter 3 passage. He will exercise a selfless, sacrificial, nourishing and cherishing headship, administered in principled love. He's gotten beyond feeling the mush of love. He is committed to love her, even when everything in him wants to hate her.

18:15 He's committed to love her, a principled love, in a context of honor, giving honor to the woman as unto the weaker vessel, and a growing understanding of who she is. Husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, in an understanding way. This is the standard. This is the standard towards which every husband who names the name of Christ must press in absolute dependence upon the grace and power of the Holy Spirit.

18:52 For Paul says in Ephesians 5, 18, Be not drunk with wine, but be being filled with the Spirit. And then he goes on to describe what a Spirit-filled husband looks like. A husband who takes seriously. Having a biblically ordered, gospel-flavored relationship to his wife.

19:18 That's what he will look like. He is exercising a selfless, sacrificial, nourishing, cherishing headship, administered in principled love and honor, in a context of a growing understanding of his wife. Now, what about the wife? A biblically ordered, gospel-flavored wife.

Description of a Biblically Ordered, Gospel-Flavored Family: The Wife

19:45 What does she look like? Well, let's look at the two key passages. Ephesians chapter 5, what does it say? Verse 22.

19:57 Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. Being himself the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything.

20:27 Verse 33. Nevertheless, do you also severally love each one his own wife, even as himself. And let the wife see that she fear her husband. That she reverence her husband.

20:42 The standard word for fear, context determines the significance. And obviously, it should not be the fear of the criminal who thinks he's going to be apprehended by the authorities. It should not be the fear of a child who is abused by an abusive father. But she is to fear him.

21:04 She is to respect and revere him. Therefore. Therefore, when you see a woman who takes this stuff seriously. Who doesn't just sit in Trinity Church and hear it preached time after time after time after time.

21:22 And doesn't change. But she takes it seriously. Her Lord Jesus is speaking to her in these passages. What she looked like.

21:31 This woman. Who by the grace of God. Has a biblically. Trained gospel-flavored relationship to her husband.

21:43 What she looked like. We'll put it all together. And this is what we find. She will render a willing.

21:51 Cheerful. Universal and supported submission and respect.

22:00 In principled love. To her husband. She will render a willing. No man can make his.

22:09 Wife submissive. There's not a command in the Bible that says husbands make your wives submissive. He can't do it. But it says wives you be submissive.

22:22 So she will be manifesting rendering a willing a cheerful universal in everything supportive. I will make a helper answering to his needs. Her role is that of support. Witness she will render this willing cheerful universal and supported submission and respect let the wife see that she reverence respect that she fear her husband in principled love and why do I say in principled love as opposed from the gush and mush feeling oriented love because in Titus to another very critical passage. Paul.

23:09 Paul tells the older women this is what they are trained the younger women to do Titus 2 verse 4 the older women that they may train the young women to love their husbands to love their children they need to be trained how to love both husband and children whatever they may naturally and natively feel of the gush and at the emotional level. That's not principled love they must be trained to love both husband and children so the home that is biblically ordered gospel flavored will have this husband loving with a principle love a love that is selfless sacrificial nourishing cherishing administered in principled love and honor with a passion to really know.

24:09 Who this woman is that he might dwell with her in an understanding way and the wife will render this willing cheerful universal supportive submission and respect in a context of principled love no wonder Paul says when you have a biblically ordered gospel flavored husband wife relationship it speaks so clearly. Who God is to the children in a biblically ordered gospel flavored family what will they look like. Turn to Ephesians chapter 6 and we get the answer Ephesians chapter 6 children doesn't say children under 15 children under 18. children under 20 it says children now you look at it with your own eyeballs in your own bible that's what it says children children

Description of a Biblically Ordered, Gospel-Flavored Family: The Children

25:22 obey your parents in the Lord for this is right honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth and you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord and then Colossians chapter 3 and verse 20 Colossians chapter 3 and verse 20 children oh this is a marvelously complicated directive obey your parents in all things even when you think you know more than they do even when you can stand up and debate with them even when you're smarter than they are children obey your parents in all things is that what your bible says that's what mine says children obey your parents in all things why for this is well pleasing to the Lord you want to please the one whom you say is your Lord children

26:50 show it by obeying your parents in all things now the one qualification is given in Ephesians children obey your parents in the Lord at any point where a parent would require of you to do something now follow me closely that would be a direct violation of a clear precept of the scriptures you are to obey in the Lord to disobey them. You not only have the right, but the responsibility. If your parent required you to do something that meant you had to violate the law of God, you could not obey them in the Lord, within the framework of the Lordship and the rule of Christ. But apart from that, on matters of judgment, on matters of opinion, and all of those things, your will is to be subject to your parents. So when you have a biblically ordered, gospel-flavored family, what will the kids look like? They will manifest cheerful, universal, principled

28:06 obedience and honor rendered as unto the Lord Himself. I'll give it to you again. They will manifest cheerful, not grudging, cheerful, universal, not just where they agree with what you've required of them or what you have judged to be best for them. You will render cheerful, universal. Obey your parents in all things, children, young people. Young adults, I defy you to demonstrate that this is not the will of God. The Scripture is clear. Clear as the nose on my face and the hearing aid stuck in my ears. For this

29:15 is well-pleasing in the Lord. Obedience that is universal and it is principled. I say principled, because there'll be times when everything in you will say, I believe my parents are off the wall in telling me I can't do this, I shouldn't do this, I should do this. But they're not telling me to do something contrary to the clear Word of God. It's going contrary to my judgment, to my desires, and to my inclinations. So what? It says you're to obey them. That's what it says. And you're to do that in the Lord.

30:13 That is with a sense that this is what the Lord Christ requires of me and for many of you who profess to be trusting in Christ and to be following Christ and to be obeying Christ. It's all the more clear that the way you show your submission to Christ is by obeying your parents in everything. Not just where their judgment is best, not just where you think their inclination is the best? It's principled.

30:53 That means you obey when everything in you wants to disobey. When everything in you says, I think what they're saying is stupid. I don't understand the rationale for it. You don't need to.

31:08 All you know is God says, children, obey your parents in everything. That's it. So put all those things together. There's the biblically ordered, gospel-flavored family with that husband exercising a selfless, sacrificial, nourishing, cherishing headship administered in principled love and honor in a context where before he dies he says, I want to get to know my woman.

31:45 I want to dwell with her in an understanding way. And there you have a wife rendering a willing, cheerful, universal, supportive submission and respect in a context of principled love. And there you have children manifesting a cheerful, universal, principled obedience and honor rendered as unto the Lord. That's a biblically ordered, gospel-flavored family.

32:19 And I thank God there are some such families in this place. And for those of you who by the grace of God have begun to move into the orbit of that standard, I plead with you, hold fast to the convictions that have brought you there and to the patterns of behavior that express that spiritual journey. Hold fast to your convictions and your principles. Practice concerning a biblically ordered and gospel-flavored family.

Warning 1: Beware of Eroding Marital Communication

32:56 Well, I've explained my terminology and why I felt I needed to address this matter. Secondly, I've given a brief description of what a biblically ordered and gospel-flavored family is. Now, I want to give some words of warning concerning things that will militate against attaining and maintaining this ideal of a biblically ordered and a gospel-flavored family life. And I make no apologies for couching this part of my sermon in the form of warnings because Psalm 19 says one of the great blessings of the Word of God, moreover, by them is thy servant warned. I thank God for warning signs, signs on dangerous roads that tell me what I must do to maintain my safety. And though I would like to be more positive, I found that in wrestling with the matters, giving them in the form of warnings was the best way to express what is upon my heart. So I want to give first of all some words of warning to husbands and wives. What are the things that are going to either subtly,

34:20 like termites eating away at the foundation, are going to seek to make your biblically ordered, gospel-flavored relationship go sour? What will the enemy seek to do? Let me give you five warnings. Number one, beware of giving in to the pressures that would prevent or erode in-depth, no-holds-barred marital communication. I give it to you again.

34:55 Beware of giving in to the pressures that would prevent or erode in-depth, no-holds-barred marital communication. First Peter 3 says, Husbands, dwell with your husbands in the presence of God. With your wives in an understanding way. A wife's mind and a wife's soul and psyche are like a deep mine. And you husbands have the privilege and responsibility of penetrating into that mine and uncovering what it is that makes her who she is. Paul could say in 1 Corinthians 2, Who knows the things of a man, save the spirit of a man that is in him? And what's the answer? Only God. Right now, you don't know what I'm thinking.

35:58 I know what I'm thinking. You don't know what I'm thinking. Would you like to know what I'm thinking? How can you know unless I what? Tell you. Who knows the things of a man, save the spirit of a man which is in him? Even so, no man knows the things of God but the Spirit of God, then Paul goes on to say, however, those hidden things, they are made known in words, which the Holy Spirit teaches. Once I open my mouth with honest words, then you know what was in my mind. You know what I was thinking when I said, do you know what I'm thinking? I was thinking, Comrade has a very nice mustache. Now he'll go home tonight

36:47 and shave it off to prove me wrong. But I illustrate it. You see, you only know that when I open my mouth. Men, listen to me. Women, listen to me. How can you have a relationship as two image bearers of God with all of the inner windings of the human soul and psyche unless there is in depth, no holds barred, miracle communication? With your mouth, with your mouth, spouse into the deep chambers of your soul. How can he dwell with you according to knowledge if you won't talk to him? In depth, no holds

37:43 barred, marital communication. What are the things that irritate and disappoint you? What are the things that frustrate you? What are the longings, the goals, the yearnings of the soul?

37:56 It's pathetic to think of people living under the same roof whose acquaintance is so surfaced with one another because they do not talk. They don't speak. They live in their hidden caves of anonymity.

38:18 If you're going to have a biblically ordered, gospel-flavored marriage, you must resist the pressures. Some of them come from your temperament. Well, I'm just not a very open person. So what? You shouldn't have gotten married if you weren't willing to get open. Stay single. Go home and look at yourself in the mirror. But if you're going to be married, be prepared to know and to be known. To know and to be known. Risky business to be fully known. But oh, how blessed it is. How

39:05 blessed it is. When, as you plumb the depths of your spouse and get to truly know him and her, the sanctifying work of the Spirit of God in your own heart advances greatly, your appreciation and understanding so that as a husband you can know what it is to nourish her, to cherish her. She lets you in to the things about herself that then tweak the areas where you accept the challenge to nourish her, to cherish her, to treat her as being your own body. But is she mute? Is she silent? Or if you never take the time to try to draw her out, how can you be a nourishing and a cherishing husband? And likewise, you wives, do you have a real desire to know who that character is that you sleep with, you sit at the same table? But your knowledge of him doesn't go much more than his mother's knowledge of him, maybe not even as much. You must beware of giving in to any pressure, whether it's the pressure of schedule, whether it's the newspaper, the telephone, the Internet, conflicting schedules, temperament, whatever it is. Rear back on your hind legs and say, by the grace of God,

40:32 we're going to get to know.

Warning 2: Beware of Tolerating Unbiblical Responses to Sin and Correction

40:39 Second word of warning is this, husbands and wives, if you would have biblically ordered gospel-flavored marriages, beware of tolerating and excusing or justifying unbiblical responses to each other's sins and each other's corrections. It's a key issue in having a biblically ordered gospel-flavored marriage. So often in a marriage, the sin of one partner provokes sin in another, and then that's followed by excusing and justifying or tolerating the sins that have been spawned. Ah, yes, but you said yes, but if you didn't say yes, but...

41:44 You say, maybe... Do you know? Yeah, maybe I know. Forty-eight years with one woman, two and a half years with another. I know what it is to rationalize about tolerating, excusing, justifying unbiblical responses to the sin of my spouse or to the corrections of my spouse. You've got to stop it. There's only one way to deal with sin committed, and to have a healthy soul. Only one way. Proverbs 28, 13 says, He that covers his sin shall not prosper. The marriage in which marital sins are covered is an unprospering marriage. He that covers his sin shall not prosper, but whoso confesses and forsakes them shall obtain mercy. Only one way to deal

42:41 with sin, and that's not to point to your spouse and say, yes, but you provoked it. No. I sinned. I must confess it to God and to you. Will you forgive me? No tolerating, no excusing, no justifying, confessing. And then the confession is to be met. Here's the gospel flavor of Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 32. Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other even as God does.

43:17 God also in Christ forgave you. The gospel comes to bear after the angry, sarcastic, snappy words have been spoken, and the person who speaks them says, dear, no more, no more. Forgive me. I sinned in those words. In my heart I've asked God to forgive me for Christ's sake. Will you forgive me? God says you're to be what? Not hard-hearted, not unwilling to forgive, but as I've said probably hundreds of times over the years, I never feel more like God in a way that's proper than when I can say to another human being, I freely forgive you. It's my joy to

44:11 forgive you. I'm being like God, who for Christ's sake forgives me. Amen. Amen.

44:18 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

44:18 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

44:18 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

44:19 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

44:19 Amen.

44:21 Now, married couples, is this the way you're living? Is this your biblically-ordered, gospel-flavored marriage in which there's no tolerating, no excusing, no justifying your unbiblical response to each other's sins? And what about your response to each other's corrections? Do I need to take you to all the verses in Proverbs that say what God calls the person who wills Jesus?

44:50 Will not take correction? A four-letter word. Begins with F and ends with L and has got double O's in the middle. God calls you a fool if you don't receive correction when correction is in order.

45:08 And the psalmist could say, let the righteous smite me. He didn't say, let the righteous gently, wisely, tactfully rebuke me. It shall be as oil. He said, let him smack me on the head.

45:23 Let him smite me. It shall be like oil upon my head. And hear your wife, dear husband. She's tried to come at you in a gentle, gracious way, but the minute you see where she's going, you bristle.

45:38 And you drive her back into a hole of silence by your unwillingness to be corrected by the person who's most competent to correct you because she knows you better than anyone but the Lord. And the other way around, you touchy wives, blame it on your PMS, shame on you. Not your PMS, it's your RS, your remaining sin.

46:06 It's your remaining sin. If the scripture says, exhort one another while it's called today, lest you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin, I should welcome the reproves of a wife or a husband who's keeping me from being deceived by sin that can only harm me. That can only harm me. That can only harm me.

46:23 That can only harm me. That can only harm me. That can only harm me. Lord, in my heart, when my dear wife of two and a half years says, Al, we need to talk, I know usually something's coming.

46:36 And I prepare and say, Lord, make me ready to receive the faithful wounds of my wife.

46:45 And for the most part, she's sitting here, she could stand on her feet and say, you big old bald-faced preaching liar, I believe God helps me to receive her reproofs. Now, do I? Do I dance a jig around the room and say, oh, wonderful, I just got reproofed?

47:03 No, I don't. I don't. But I thank God for it, because it helps me to be more like my Savior. It helps that work that He died to effect to cleanse me and to wash me and ultimately present me spotless and without blemish.

47:21 This is the work He's doing in me, and He's using my wife to effect that work. He's using your husband. He's using your husband to effect that work. Beware of tolerating, excusing, justifying unbiblical responses to each other's sins and correction.

Warning 3: Beware of Not Praying Together

47:39 Thirdly, beware of a pattern of life in which you don't pray together. Beware of a pattern of life in which you don't pray together.

47:56 Nothing will be a more significant discipline, in the maintenance of openness in a general way, keeping short accounts with God specifically, than praying together. I think back of those years, and the pattern Marilyn and I had was that she sat on the couch and I knelt next to her and held her hand as we prayed together. And if there was anything between us to hold each other's hand, we felt, we felt dirty.

48:34 Dorothy and I sit on the couch together and her arm goes through mine and her hand in mine and we clasp hands. And that tangible touch of clasped hands is saying, everything's right between us.

48:51 I'd feel like a filthy hypocrite to open my mouth and lead us in prayer if there was something unresolved with my dear wife. God so made us that we're, we're physical beings and there's something about the touch of our beloved that if there's any burr in the relationship. But what about couples that don't pray? They miss that wonderful means of grace.

49:18 And Peter may be alluding to that very thing when he says to husbands, dwell with your wives in an understanding way, giving honor to them as the weaker vessel. Why? Your joint heirs of the grace of life and that your prayers, be not hindered. He may be referring to the prayers of a husband and a wife.

49:41 Beware of a pattern of not praying together. Let your spouse hear you pray about your sins and the graces you need. Let your spouse hear you pray. Oh, father, you know, I'm so ashamed of my quick temper.

49:59 Lord, help me by your grace to know more and more of the grace of self-control, self-control, of meekness and gentleness. Lord, work these things in me. Now, if your wife says a little louder, amen with that, you might expect that and don't be offended by it. But let each spouse hear the other confessing his sins.

50:22 Not, oh, Lord, have mercy on her. Now, Lord, you know, she needs this and no, no, no, no. You come into the presence of God, transparent and honest with God and one another. Doesn't the Bible say in James, James five, 16, confess your sins one to another and pray one for another precious application of that in the marriage relationship.

50:47 Beware of a pattern of not praying together. I'm speaking to couples sitting here tonight who don't pray together. Go home tonight. Repent, get on your knees and say, this night, this, I don't know how to lay my heart more bare.

51:09 You've heard. These things, some of you again and again and again, and there's no change, no change. I wonder sometimes if that isn't wrapped up in the purpose of God in removing me, a different voice, perhaps a different approach may be effectual. Did you feel at times like the prophet who said, I've spent my strength for nothing.

51:43 You say no more together. Well, I don't, it's not a matter of, it's a discussion here. We're going to pray together. You're bigger than she is.

51:56 If you need to drag her to her knees, exercise a little Holy authority and do it. We're going to pray. We're going to have a marriage marked by oneness at the throne of grace. Warning number four to husbands and wives.

Warning 4: Beware of Unfulfilling Intimate Life

52:15 Beware of permitting your intimate life to become mechanical, infrequent, and unfulfilling. Beware of permitting your intimate life to become mechanical, infrequent, and unfulfilling. The word of God is as plain again as the nose on my face. Let the husband render to the wife her due.

52:49 And likewise, the wife unto the husband, the wife, has not power over her own body, but the husband. And likewise, the husband has not power over his own body, but the wife withhold not one, the other except it be by consent for a season that you may give yourselves unto prayer and may be together again that Satan tempt you not because of your incontinency. There's the clear, the teaching of the word of God at the most elementary level concerning the intimate life of a Christian husband and wife. The wife says, my body is not mine. It belongs to my husband. Belongs to him to what end? That I can simply say, here it is, take it, wake me up when it's over.

53:47 Or does it belong to him that I might render to him the active, cheerful, joyful, engagement, in that intimate life that brings him satisfaction and fulfillment? And vice versa. The husband recognizes his body is not his own. It belongs to the wife in the marital tie.

54:12 And in that recognition, then he is not self-centered, but other centered. How may I with this body bring pleasure to my wife? And I may have to learn, some fundamental lessons in the art of fulfilling that desire. But the word of God is clear here in 1 Corinthians 7 at the most elementary level.

54:38 But then you have a passage such as Proverbs 5, 18b and 19. This language cannot be misunderstood. Rejoice in the wife of your youth as a loving hind and a pleasant doe. Let her breasts, satisfy you at all times and be ravished, go astray, be intoxicated with her love.

55:04 That's what the scripture says. And when there is an allowance of the intimate life to become mechanical, infrequent and unfulfilling, you're opening yourself to temptation, to immorality. That's why Paul said to avoid fornication, let each have his own wife, each have his, her own husband. And so I urge you as married couples, beware of the pressures and sometimes it's schedules and, and all kinds of responsibilities that bring you to your ordinary times of coming together exhausted.

55:47 Do something about it. Don't allow your intimate life to become mechanical, infrequent and unfulfilling. I challenge you to go home. Some of you have been married a while.

56:01 Sit down and talk. No holds barred. This is what I'm talking about. There's some of you who never talk about your intimate life.

56:09 You wouldn't have a clue if your wife is satisfied. Some of you wouldn't have a clue if your husband's satisfied. You don't talk. Go home and talk.

56:21 Open up your hearts. No holds barred about your intimate life and where it is not fresh and fresh, and where it is not fresh and fresh, and where it is not fresh and fresh, and frequent and fulfilling. Asks why? Set out to correct it, that in that area of your lives will be no portion of the Word of God that is an embarrassment to you when you read it.

Warning 5: Beware of Worldly Perspectives on Middle and Later Years

56:48 And then, fifth warning to husbands and wives who would have a biblically-ordered, gospel-flavored marriage. Beware of succumbing to the world's perspectives. concerning your middle and your later years. Beware of succumbing to the world's perspectives concerning your middle and your later years.

57:17 What's the perspective of the world? Well, perhaps the most crass expression is that man in Luke chapter 12. He said, well, I've had a big crop. I'm getting on in years, so let me build down my barns.

57:31 Let me put my retirement income in bigger barns. And now say to my soul, soul, you have much goods laid up for many years. You have sufficient IRAs and you have sufficient 401Ks to live off it, a nice easy life, eat, drink, be merry. And God says, you fool, this night your soul will be required of you.

57:57 But it's that American dream that puts away enough, that from age 62 or it keeps getting earlier, and now with the economic crunch they're starting to want to push it back. But the whole notion, I come to a place in my life where I owe it to myself to kick my heels up, take it easy, and let the world go its merry way.

58:21 And where women get the notion that, well, I paid my dues, raised my kids, put up with that bum as a husband, I need to go out and make a mark and have a sense of fulfillment where people really appreciate it. People really appreciate me and get back in the workforce. That's the American mentality. I say beware of succumbing to the world's perspective concerning your middle and your later years.

58:46 Let Jesus cut through all of that with one verse. One verse. He that would save his life shall lose it. But he that will lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.

59:02 Mark 8 and verse 35. Our mentality must be as long as I have life and breath and strength, I'm here to serve. Now my service must be dictated by a realistic assessment of my present physical condition. I am not standing before you at age 74, though I preached like I did when I was 40.

59:27 I'm not the man I was. With my ten years and my neuropathy, and my messed up back, and a host of other things, my outward tent is shredding. That's reality. And I must, according to that reality, seek to know how I can best serve God for the longest time possible for the greatest use of His kingdom.

59:54 That's the responsibility. People ask, are you going into retirement? That's like asking me if I'm going to court the devil. No, I'm not going into retirement.

60:05 I'm going into a different phase of seeking to serve my Lord and His people and this needy generation. We must turn our backs with resolute rejection upon the world's concept of our middle and our later years, especially coming back to the Titus 2 passage. What is to happen with the woman that comes into those, those years who's raised her family, reared her children, gained a reputation for spiritual stability? The passage is clear.

60:42 Titus 2, verse 3. Excuse me. The aged women likewise, reverent in demeanor, not slanderers, not enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is good, that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sober-minded, chaste workers at home, kind, being in subjection to their own husbands. Why?

61:11 That the Word of God be not blasphemed. We want the Gospel validated in this church for decades to come. Here's one of the ways it will be validated when women in their middle years, encouraged by their husbands, latch on to the younger women and they nurture them, and they mentor them in the five-fold responsibilities of the younger wives and mothers that families that are biblically ordered and Gospel-flavored might be perpetuated in the family of the living God. So I say, beware of succumbing to the world's perspectives concerning the middle and the later years. Well, I had five warnings concerning parents with your children.

Conclusion and Prayer

62:10 I've already gone an hour.

62:14 Then I had two warnings for you kids regarding your parents.

62:19 So, maybe I'll just preach that out as my farewell message next Lord's Day. I don't know.

62:26 I've not been down this road before, never handled the material this way. As I tell the young man, I've been working at this matter of preaching for 56 years, and I still feel like I'm going to die. And I still feel like I'm going to die. And I still feel like I'm going to die.

62:38 And I still feel like I'm in kindergarten so much of the time. Well, may God help us by the power of His grace that will hold fast, hold fast both to our convictions and our practice. And beware of these things that will militate against that practice of attaining biblically ordered Gospel-flavored homes by the grace of God. Let's pray.

63:17 Father, we can only ask that You would take Your Word and the practical counsels

63:26 growing out of that Word. Bring them home with such power that marriages in this place will be transformed. Lord, You can do this. We look to You that by the power of Your grace You would bring it to pass for the praise of Your holy name.

63:49 Amen.