In 'The Christian Man With His Children, Part 2,' Pastor Albert N. Martin delivers eight pastoral exhortations to Christian fathers, building on a foundational biblical theology of fatherhood. He expounds Acts 24:16, urging fathers to earn and maintain their children's respect by living with a conscience void of offense toward God and man, particularly in dealing with domestic sins, relating to their wives, and exercising self-discipline. Martin then provides practical guidance on cultivating affection, monitoring worldly influences, establishing family worship, demanding engagement in public worship, and instructing sons and daughters on sexual purity and modesty, emphasizing the father's non-negotiable responsibility in these areas.
Primary Texts
menu_book
Acts 24:16This verse serves as the central text for the first and most extensive exhortation, providing the biblical principle of maintaining a clear conscience before God and man, which fathers must apply to earn their children's respect.
Exhortation 4: Establish Consistent Family Worship36:24
Exhortation 5: Demand Outward Engagement in Public Worship41:49
Exhortation 6: Instruct Sons on Sexual Drives and Manhood46:32
Exhortation 7: Instruct Daughters on Modesty and Men's Views53:15
Exhortation 8: Monitor Alone Time for Sons and Daughters60:35
Conclusion: Resources for Godly Fatherhood63:26
Key Quotes
“frankly I am both appalled and amazed how few men are willing to say look kids I sinned period will you forgive me daddy's response to that situation was ungodly and in excusable not well kids I'm sorry I'm sorry what's that tell me that just tells me how you feel that's all it's telling me no you don't say I'm sorry you say I sinned will you forgive me”
“brethren if you want the high ground of moral influence upon your kids you'll only get it in dealing with your sin by the principles of Acts 24 and verse 16 your domestic sins must be dealt with quickly honestly thoroughly before God and before your children”
“And this system is not neutral toward you as a believer, nor toward your children as those whom you are seeking to influence in the direction of truth and of God's way and of righteousness”
“If it's not your duty, it's just a matter of convenience, not your duty. I believe you are tempting God because God's promised grace for temptations we face in the way of duty, but he's not promised grace for temptations we face in the way of presumption.”
“I don't care. You can cry until you float us all out the front door with your tears. As for me and this house, we're going to serve God. Non-negotiable.”
“you can't adopt the attitude I can dress any way I want to if men have a problem that's their problem not mine yes it is yours dear and I want you to have a conscience sensitive to the responsibility”
“I am the governor of this home and I will demand modesty in the dress of the women of this house period end of discussion”
Applications
All listeners
Determine by the grace of God to earn and maintain the respect of your children by a commitment to live by the principles of Acts 24:16, having a conscience void of offense toward God and man.
Deal with your domestic sins quickly, seeking God's forgiveness and transparently asking your children's forgiveness when you have sinned against them or your wife in their hearing.
Relate to your wife in a way that makes it evident to your children that you are seriously loving her with sacrificial, sensitive, caring, purposeful love, openly acknowledging when your actions belie this.
Discipline yourself with respect to food and the use of discretionary time, demonstrating self-control and self-denial to your children.
Acknowledge your lack of self-control to your children, repent of it, and commit to change by the grace of God.
Determine by the grace of God to cultivate a pattern of appropriate verbal and physical expressions of affection between yourself, your wife, and your sons and daughters.
Express your love to your children in words, even if it feels uncomfortable at first, as you will grow to like it and it helps create a climate of unquestioned love.
Determine by the grace of God to carefully monitor the conduits of worldly influence that you allow into your children's lives, recognizing the world system is not morally neutral.
Do not passively and carelessly allow worldly influences into your home, but also do not arbitrarily and crudely keep them out; sit down with your kids, explain your reasons, and why certain influences or gadgets are restricted.
If online access in your home is not a duty but merely a convenience, consider that you may be tempting God, as grace is promised for duty, not presumption.
If online access is a duty, utilize available filters and accountability arrangements (e.g., designating someone to monitor your accessed sites) to prevent it from becoming a snare.
Be awake, watchful, and monitor all devices and media, not just the 'grosser ones,' to protect your children from worldly influences.
Determine by the grace of God to establish and maintain a consistent pattern of family worship, making it a non-negotiable daily practice in your home.
Be resolute in setting aside time for family worship, canceling other activities or readjusting schedules if necessary, and turning off distractions like phones.
Be flexible, varied, and reasonable in the content and time of family worship, sensitive to the age and stage of your children, so they look back on it with delight and gratitude.
Determine by the grace of God to demand that your children be outwardly engaged in public worship once they are out of the nursery, training them for appropriate attention and participation.
Before public worship, give your children clear instructions on what is expected and what is not, and follow through with discipline if they do not obey after one reminder.
Determine by the grace of God to instruct your sons concerning their emergent sexual drives and matters related to becoming and living as a man in a fallen world.
Create a climate where it is easy for your sons to speak about sexual matters, asking them about their experiences with sexual urges, wet dreams, and masturbation.
Warn your sons about what they look at, teach them about the male body's triggers, the beauty of virginity, and how to lovingly woo and enter into sexual intimacy with their future wives.
Determine by the grace of God to instruct your blossoming daughters concerning how men view women and carefully and authoritatively monitor what they wear as long as they are under your roof.
Teach your daughters their responsibility before God regarding how they clothe and drape their bodies, explaining how their dress can be an occasion of stumbling for men.
Demand modesty in your daughters' dress, making it non-negotiable that they will not go out of the house without your approval of their attire.
Be strong and acquit yourselves like men, lovingly but firmly demanding modesty in the dress of all women and men in your house, including sons' baggy pants.
Determine by the grace of God to carefully monitor the circumstances in which your sons and daughters interact alone, never allowing a closed door, and not being naive about early sexual awakening.
A full transcript is available on the
tab. 122 paragraphs, roughly 66 minutes.
Machine transcription
Introduction: Eight Pastoral Exhortations for Christian Fathers
Now, in the previous hour, I attempted to set before you what I called a condensed biblical theology of fatherhood. In that message, I asserted that in order to fulfill your role as a Christian father, there are three things that you must understand, internalize, and by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, make them regulative of your role as a father. Your identity as a Christian father, that is, who you are by divine designation, your task as a Christian father, what is your job by divine description, and your resources as a Christian father. What are your interests? Enablements by divine donation. Now, in this hour, assuming the validity of the foundational issues of the previous hour, I want to set before you some miscellaneous pastoral exhortations to Christian fathers.
These are vital issues, some of them matters that have caused me deep and increasing concern in my own pastoral observations, and interactions here in this assembly, and in my contact with brethren from other assemblies. And the things that I set before you are not just my burden. I went over these headings, all but one of them, with my fellow elders in our regular weekly elders' meeting on Thursday, and both Pastor Smith, who's now on his way to Pakistan, and Pastor Carlson said, you speak for us. And I'm burdening yourself on these matters.
And so, as time permits, I want to set before you eight pastoral exhortations regarding your function as a Christian father. Number one, all of them begin with the words determined by the grace of God. Determine, that's what you're to do. But by the grace of God, that's what we trust God will do.
Exhortation 1: Earn and Maintain Respect by a Clear Conscience (Acts 24:16)
Determine. By the grace of God to earn and maintain the respect of your children by a commitment to live by the principles of Acts 24 and verse 16. Determine by the grace of God to earn and maintain the respect of your children by a commitment to live by the principles of Acts 24 and verse 16. Turn to that passage with me, if you will.
The Apostle Paul, standing before the secular potentate, giving a defense, writes or speaks, and Luke writes, Herein I also exercise myself to have a conscience void of offense toward God and men always. Now, let me briefly expound the text under three heads. First of all, Paul speaks of a conscious and continuous spiritual discipline. Herein do I exercise myself.
He uses a form of the verb that we call a present indicative. It speaks of continuous activity. And the sense of the verb is that of a strict discipline. It's a word that was used in some settings to speak of the discipline of a husband.
An athlete or someone in a military setting. And the Apostle concludes the statement with the words, the apontas, which means at all times or continually. So here Paul is speaking of a conscious and continuous spiritual discipline. Secondly, he speaks of a discipline that had two distinct directions.
It had a direction Godward and manward. Herein. Herein I exercise myself to have a conscience void of offense toward God and man always. So it was a conscious and continuous spiritual discipline.
Secondly, a discipline that had two distinct directions, Godward and manward. Thirdly, it was a discipline focused on maintaining moral equity with God and with man. Conscience. Conscience is that divinely implanted moral monitor who only has two words in his vocabulary, right and wrong.
And standing before God as conscience is enlightened by the law of God, when we do wrong, conscience says wrong. When we do right, conscience says right. And though the voice of conscience in our fallen humanity is not, perfect conscience is cleansed. Conscience is quickened in God's regenerating work.
And by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit as conscience is more and more informed by the truth of God, conscience becomes a great ally in our walk before God. And what I'm asserting building upon the foundation of a biblical theology of fatherhood that you and I will not be able to execute our task as governors under God, in our families and particularly with our children, unless we are determined that by the grace of God we earn and maintain the respect of our children by a commitment to live by the principles of this text, committed by strict spiritual discipline at all times to have a conscience void of offense, Godward and manward that when we are conscious we have sinned that we go immediately to the fountain open for sin and uncleanness asking God to fulfill his promise of 1 John 1 9 that if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness however Paul said I also was passionate to keep a conscience void of offense to my fellow man not only at any
time to look up into the face of God unblushingly because I had no conscious controversy with God but to look out in the faces of my fellow men unblushingly that there was no reason for them to think he's not the real deal he did this but he's not owned it he said this that was obviously sinful but he's not been willing to own his sin I am asserting that foundational to respect of your children is living by the principles of this text let me focus in on three specific areas in the domestic realm number one the way you deal with your domestic sins by your domestic sins I mean your sins that are evident to your wife and to your children whether it was the impatience when something frustrated you from accomplishing a given task in a certain frame of time you're getting ready to go out to church and your shoelace breaks and you and you manifest a spirit that is un-Christ like and ungracious whether you've spoken sharply to your wife in the presence of your children whether in the discipline of your child your own spirit condemns you that you stepped over the line and your discipline was mingled with sinful anger how do you deal
with your domestic sins if you do not deal with them quickly seeking the forgiveness of God and transparently openly asking the forgiveness of your children when you sinned against them or when you sinned against your wife in their hearing forget having any moral clout in the government of your children forget it your kids have a deep-seated sense of what Papa ought to do when he's blown his cork when he's been irritable when he's been un-Christ like in his response to this that or the other and frankly I am both appalled and amazed how few men are willing to say look kids I sinned period will you forgive me daddy's response to that situation was ungodly and in excusable not well kids I'm sorry I'm sorry what's that tell me that just tells me how you feel that's all it's telling me no you don't say I'm sorry you say I sinned will you forgive me I did not set the example of a spirit-filled father a spirit-filled man the fruit of whose life is patience
long-suffering self-control I did not manifest self-control in the way I responded to that frustration that irritation that disappointment I sinned it will you forgive me my children have reminded me of the many times when I woke them up they had gone to bed and when I went to bed and reviewed the day and thought oh my that situation I blew it and for some reason my conscience was not awake enough and alive enough to reprove me and there lying upon my bed it did go in and wake up that child I don't know that I'll sleep till the morning I may be taken home do I want the last memory of my child that dad clearly sinned and didn't own it wake up the child and say dear daddy sorry to wake you up but you remember in that situation this evening after supper the way daddy responded was sinful will you forgive him and then to go to bed with a conscience void of offense toward that child brethren if you want the high ground of moral influence upon your kids you'll only get it in dealing with your sin by the principles of Acts 24 and verse 16 your domestic sins must be dealt with quickly honestly thoroughly before God
and before your children second area is is the way you relate to your way if you are to administer Christ's rule is the father you must back up a few verses into if he can stress or five and make it evident to your children you are taking seriously dog's government over you as a husband and your children must see that you armor your wife that you are seeking to love her with the sacrificial, sensitive, caring, purposeful love wherewith Christ loves His church. And when your actions belie that, that you openly acknowledge it before your children so that they are learning two things. They are learning Daddy's not a perfect husband, but he wants to be, and Daddy's honest in dealing with his own sins. And then a third area that you must live by the principles of Acts 24-16 is in the way you discipline yourself with respect to food and the use of discretionary time.
In my observation, pastorally, these are two areas of chronic failure with a lot of men. How can you call your child to a life of...
of self-control and self-denial when your physical appearance says, I have no self-control over what I put in my mouth. I have no pattern of self-denial when it comes to what I reach out for and stick in my mouth. Brethren, this is not a hobby horse with me. It's an issue that I fear too many men push under the rug, refuse to face it.
But your kids... don't buy your rationalization.
They know you're like this because you're not self-controlled with what goes into your mouth. Face it, men. Stop conning your own conscience. Look it straight in the eye.
Go home today and say, The man in the mirror lacks self-control, which is the fruit of the Spirit. He lacks self-denial, which is an essential element. He lacks self-control, which is an essential element of true discipleship. And by the grace of God, that man is going to change.
And then tell your kids that. Say, here I've spanked you for lack of self-control in the way you responded to this or to that. And all the while I did it with this hanging under your nose. And I want you to know I'm ashamed of it.
I'm repenting of it. And by the grace of God, I'm going to change. I'm not driven out of this pulpit with a bunch of amens. But frankly, I'm not preaching to the gallery, folks.
I'm trying to be faithful to your soul.
Determine by the grace of God to earn and maintain the respect of your children. By a commitment to live. By the principles of Acts 24, 16. Exercise yourself at all times.
To have a conscience void. To have a conscience void. To have a sense towards God and towards man. Number two.
Exhortation 2: Cultivate Verbal and Physical Affection
Determine by the grace of God to cultivate a pattern of appropriate verbal and physical expressions of affection between yourself, your wife, and your sons and your daughters. Determine by the grace of God to cultivate a pattern of appropriateness. verbal and physical expressions of affection between yourself, your wife, your sons, and your daughters. According to 1 John 3, verse 18, there are two ways to show our love.
John says, let us not love in word, but in deed and in truth. That's an absolute for the relative, because in that very epistle, John speaks of his love for his spiritual children. So what he is saying is, let us not love in word only, or in word primarily, assuming that's the easy thing to do, but let us love in deed and in truth. If we love in words and not in deeds, our words become meaningless.
If we love only in deeds, our deeds often then are uninterpreted. God loves in word. And indeed, he tells us of his love, and then he manifests his love by his deeds calculated for our well-being. And God calls upon us to mirror him in our love.
Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 1. Here's the standard. Be therefore imitators of God as beloved children, and walk in love. And God's love is manifested in word and in deed.
You remember, Jesus wanted both from Peter there by the lake shore after his resurrection. He's restoring Peter to a place of usefulness after his denial. And he says, Peter, do you love me? He wanted from Peter's lips the expressions of his love.
And three times he draws it out of him. But he wants love not only in word, but in deed. Because after he secures Peter's love in word, he then tells him what his will for him is going to be. When you were a kid, you ran where you would.
You had nobody to restrain you. When you're old, people will take you against your will. This he spoke, signifying by what death he should die. Then he said to Peter, follow me.
Prove your love by deed. Peter turns around. Peter turns around and says, yeah, Lord, and what shall this man do? What about John?
The Lord says, none of your business. What is that to you? Follow me. Peter, I want your love in word.
I want your love in deed. And as image bearers of God, the God who expresses his love in word and deed, who elicits from his disciples expressions of love in word and deed, we as fathers ought to call on him. We ought to cultivate a pattern of expressing our love in appropriate ways. And there we need God's wisdom.
What is appropriate for one child is not for another. What is appropriate for a prepubescent daughter is not appropriate when she's a fully developed young woman. And we need the wisdom of God to express our love in both word and deed. Now, some of us grew up.
Some of us grew up in a home where our fathers never used the words, I love you. Our fathers never hugged us, never hugged us. And we determined that that pattern would stop with this generation. My father's father died when he was 13.
He was reared by his mother and an aunt up in cold, reserved New England with a Scottish background. And so there was nothing to flow into him that would make it easy for him, to love in word, and he loved much in his deed. So I never doubted I was loved, but to the day my father died, I cannot ever remember him ever saying the words to me, son, I love you.
And even some of you who know the spiritual history of my son, he would not think of calling me and hanging up the phone to this day, a man in his 40s, unconverted, away from God, without saying, Dad, I love you.
I'm urging you men to follow the pattern of God. Yes, loved by your selfless, sacrificial deeds in seeking to give responsible provision and guidance to your children, but love them in word as well. You say, well, I feel uncomfortable. Well, try it.
You'll grow to like it.
Most of us feel uncomfortable doing something we've never done before. But after a while, we can do, we can do it just very naturally. Then ask your son, ask your daughter, say, does it seem strange, dear, for daddy to say before he sends you off for your bed at night, to put a kiss on your cheek and to tell you he loves you? Yeah, it seems a little strange, dad, but you know what?
If you've not been doing it, may I urge you, you're helping to create a climate in which there never need be any serious question about your love. Thirdly, determined by the grace of God, carefully to monitor the conduits of worldly influence that you allow into your children's lives. And here I labored long with the wording of this exhortation number three. I struck out words.
I started all over again. And this is the best I've come up with when the time came that I had to finish the notes. And make my way here earlier this morning determined by the grace of God carefully to monitor the conduits of worldly influence that you allow into your children's lives. Let me pause and give several scriptures that I think many Christian men refuse to look at and take at face value.
They pertain to the matter of the world. This world system, this system of things with its values, its standards, its goals, its perspective, its influence, it is not morally neutral. First John 5.19 says, The whole world literally lies in the lap of the evil one.
This world system, by the permission of God, is under the control of a man. It is a malevolent, evil, anti-God spirit. It is not morally neutral. Paul could say in Ephesians 2 and verse 2 that all of us by nature framed our lives by the course of this world, a world system, Paul says, that is under the control of the evil one.
Listen to his language. According to the course of this world, according to the prince of the powers of the air, of the spirit that now energetically is at work in the sons of disobedience, the sons of disobedience who are the pace setters of our economic perspectives, the pace setters of our styles, of our entertainment, of our sports enterprises, behind that there is an evil spirit called the prince of the powers of the air. And the whole world lies in his lap. And this system is not neutral toward you as a believer, nor toward your children as those whom you are seeking to influence in the direction of truth and of God's way and of righteousness, Romans 12.2 says. Be not conformed to this world. Philip's translation or paraphrase is quite well known.
Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Add to this Psalm 1. What is the way of blessedness? Blessed is the man that, and you have three negatives.
We have people, well, I don't want a negative Christianity. I want a purely positive Christianity. I don't mean to be cheeky. Then go up to the throne of God and tell him to rewrite the Bible.
Without the negatives, we have a very fragmented perspective of what is pleasing to God. Blessed is the man that does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scum. He offers, in other words, he doesn't plunk himself down amidst the godless mindset and all that it produces to be influenced by it. As we heard some allusion early today, there in the book of Revelation, you have the picture of the great whore of worldly seduction.
That's Babylon, the whore that wants to seduce and ruin all that fall into the lap of her seduction. And that system uses as conduits to feed its influence into your home so many matters, so many things, neutral in themselves, but out there for the prince of darkness to seize upon and make them conduits of worldly influence in the lives of your children. Therefore, determined by the grace of God, carefully to monitor the conduits of worldly influence that you allow into your children's lives. And specifically, what are those conduits? All the electronic gadgets. Their Walkman with their earbuds and their CDs.
Their MP3 players, their iPods, their cell phones that are not just phones, but they're also phones. They're not just phones, they can bring up all kinds of images. They can access all other forms of media, including pornography. Computers with their chat rooms and MySpace and YouTube.
Computers that are the devil's instruments in many cases to sell people and to hook people, not only upon the pornographic and the unclean, but the materialistic and the grasping after stuff and things aggressively coming after any who sit before the screen. And when you've had to sit as I have as a pastor and deal with young men of godly men in this church addicted to pornography, you say, how can it be? Where were the fathers that allowed their sons that kind of access? Well, they were off to college. Do you relinquish your paternal responsibilities because they're off to college? Or do you determine by the grace of God to continue to monitor as much as you have the power under God to do so?
The TV?
Once in a while, I force myself. I can't hear usually, so I have to put it on mute and get the closed caption.
I just get little snippets of primetime TV. The glut of sheer smut and coarse ungodliness and half-naked women and the ease with which sacred and noble and lofty matters are discussed in such a coarse and ungodly manner. The videos, the TV games, and the addiction that they produce and the DVDs that brings Hollywood smack into the house. And then the magazines that can come to the homes that may not have salacious stories in them, but the images when you've dealt as I have as a pastor with a young woman who's become anorexic. And as I was probing as to where did she get the notion that skinniness was something noble, I began to probe around. I know the family well enough to know they didn't have cosmopolitan and myth and some of these others women magazines coming in. I said, was it the pictures of the housewives in good housekeeping and in family circle that are always skinny skinny?
She said, yes.
Folks, I'm not some kind of an alarmist living out on Mars. I'm a working pastor seeking to help people. And I wonder where were the dads who weren't looking through the magazines and saying, that doesn't come into this house while I have young women in this house.
Advertising flyers, the stuff that comes in a Kohl's or a J.C. Penney's full-color advertising flyer when you get to the penny and bra ads 25 years ago, that was considered pornography. And you let it come in unfiltered.
Help you men.
Under the preaching that some of us do is neutralized in the ears of the people we pour out our hearts to. Sunday by Sunday, it's all being neutralized by the clot of these worldly influences coming in upon your children. That's why Peter says, be awake, be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion walks about seeking whom he may literally swallow down.
Your kids are swallowed down material for the devil. Wake up, man! Be watchful, dad!
There's a devil out to swallow them.
Fathers, don't passively and carelessly allow these influences into your home. But don't arbitrarily and crudely keep them out. Sit down with your kids. Tell them who you are.
What God expects of you. And why you are determined that this influence will not impinge upon them. Why that influence will not impinge upon them. Why you are not entrusting them with this particular electronic gadget or that gadget that you do not believe they are mature enough to handle it.
That as a mature man, you struggle to keep it in its place.
As a mature man, a man who is a man, a married man with normal sexual fulfillment, you're tempted to follow that icon that popped up inadvertently on your screen. What about that single son of yours with all his hormones raging and yet you trust him to unfiltered online access? Shame on you. Shame, shame upon you.
I don't mean to demean you, but I do want to shame you. For there is a biblical doctrine of shame that can awaken us and arrest us and cause us to say, God have mercy upon us and help me by your grace.
I've asked Pastor Carlson, he's the man that's most computer savvy on our eldership, to access some of the materials that tell you what's available in the way of all of the filters that will help you to be a good monitor if indeed you believe it's a duty. And here's the challenge I want to lay out.
If it is not your duty to have online access in your home, follow me closely now. If it's not your duty, it's just a matter of convenience, not your duty. I believe you are tempting God because God's promised grace for temptations we face in the way of duty, but he's not promised grace for temptations we face in the way of presumption.
You got me?
Pastor Martin said if you've got online access in the home, you're sinning. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. He didn't say that.
What I said is, if it's your duty, and that could be determined by a number of factors, to have online access in your home, you can trust God for the grace that it will not become a snare. And that grace will be found for most of you. For most of you in the judicious application of the available filters of setting up what Pastor Carlson told me to me is one of the best things where you can have an arrangement where you designate someone at any time can find out every single site you have accessed and you have no choice as to whether or not they can do so once you've made the commitment. If I felt it was my duty to be online, one of my fellow elders would have that arrangement with me. I've come too far to go down the tubes and out the way many men have gone out.
And I know what's in me. And I don't trust it for a minute.
Yes, I may go to heaven ignorant of a lot of things because I've refused to cave in.
But I don't think the Lord will whack me around for being ignorant of a lot of things if I get to heaven safely in the way of purity.
So, fathers, if you don't judge, you should allow these devices. Then be awake. Be watchful. Monitor them.
Not just the grosser ones. Imagine how I felt one day some months ago when between Sunday school and church I'm in the social room where we can mingle for 20 minutes before the morning service. And there's a young lady and I'm just talking to her. How are you doing?
All the rest of it. I'm tired, Pastor Martin. I said, why are you tired? She said, well, I didn't get to bed until after 11.
I thought, I said, why was that? She said, the family was up watching the video.
And I have to try to preach over a tired child's mind because a church member in Trinity is keeping up the family watching a stinking video, a movie, until 11 o'clock Saturday night. Those are the times when you feel like saying, what's the use? Let me go do something that has more fruit to it. Men, the circumstances of the pressures upon us are such we cannot sit back.
Exhortation 4: Establish Consistent Family Worship
We've got to aggressively determine to be awake and to be watchful as Peter commands us. Determine by the grace of God carefully to monitor the conduits of worldly influence that you allow into your children's lives. Fourthly, determined by the grace of God to establish and maintain a consistent pattern of family worship. Determined by the grace of God to establish and maintain a consistent pattern of family worship. Jeremiah has a statement that to me is a horrible indictment with respect to those that carelessly and wantonly neglect family worship. He says in Jeremiah 10.25, pour out your wrath upon the nations that know you not and upon the families that call not on your name.
That's a mark of an ungodly nation. The families that call not upon your name. And you men know the directive of the book of Deuteronomy. You know it as well as I where God having given his law to the nation then says to the heads of households and these words which I command you Deuteronomy 6.6 shall be upon your heart. You shall teach them diligently unto your children. Talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you love them. And when you lie down and when you rise up.
Yes, the official teachers in Israel are to teach them. But he says to the heads of households, you are to teach them to your family. And you've got to rear back on your hind legs and say little league baseball and whatever else they call the soccer leagues and all the rest. They are not going to determine the rhythms of my family life.
I am going to teach them why under God will determine the rhythms of our family life and family worship as a consistent daily practice is non-negotiable under this roof. I don't care. You can cry until you float us all out the front door with your tears. As for me and this house, we're going to serve God.
Non-negotiable. And so you determine here's the time the family gathers. I don't care if you've got a test tomorrow and if you flunk it you don't pass this or that and you miss. That's all right.
In this house this family gathers at this time around the table in the living room for the reading of God's word or books that are rooted in the scriptures to sing the praises of God and to seek the face of God. Non-negotiable. Telephone gets turned off. Answering machine gets turned off.
And the volume turned down. It was a standing practice in our house for years. We had a wall phone. A towel went over the phone.
The right hand button that turned down. The bell went down. And family worship was conducted immediately after supper. No counseling sessions immediately after supper.
None of these other things. You have to say with a rock-like determination this house will gather for family worship. You need to cancel some activities? Do it.
If you need to readjust people's schedules you do it. Men, it isn't just going to happen. And then as you establish that time seek to be flexible regarding the age and stage of your children. Seek to be varied.
Seek to be reasonable in the time of worship. Seek to be reasonable in the time of worship. Seek to be reasonable in the time of worship. Seek to be reasonable in the content and in the time of your family worship.
I have been in some homes where I had to say if I was one of the kids I would need to not only be saved full of the Spirit but doubly full to endure the family worship that was conducted. A well-meaning father he was going to catechize and he was going to read the scriptures and he was going to do he tried to squeeze so much into it and he was going to do it. He was going to do it. He was going to do it.
I really felt for the kids. Now I never told the kids of course and I didn't have a heart to tell the dad. I figured maybe the next time I go into home he will have learned the hard way and a little more reasonable in terms of what was packed in and how long. Be sensitive to these things so that your children look back upon family worship as God is pleased to work in them with a measure of delight and with gratitude.
Exhortation 5: Demand Outward Engagement in Public Worship
Exhortation. Exhortation number five. Determined by the grace of God to demand to demand that your children be outwardly engaged in public worship. Determined by the grace of God to demand that your children be outwardly engaged in the public worship of God.
Once they are out of the nursery and sitting with you in what we commonly call the sanctuary the meeting place the worship hall whatever term you want you must train them by the rod and by admonition by the use of the rod and the use of instruction for appropriate engagement in worship. And what do I mean by that? Just this. That they must learn to give attention to the one who is leading the worship.
They must not be allowed to look around look at people behind them make faces grin stick their tongue out. No. You can very gently reach over turn their faces upward train them. Oh.
That's oppressive. No it isn't. It's training. You are teaching them that the worship of God is something special.
And long before they are absorbing much of the content of the worship they are absorbing a climate of worship. That to worship God is a special thing. That to worship God is a special thing. That to worship God is a special thing.
It's a serious thing. To worship God demands their attention. Don't allow them to take a nap on mummy's lap. Demand that once they begin to read that they sing.
That they not sit there or stand there mute when almighty God commands them to praise Him. And though you cannot put praise or prayer in their hearts you can insist upon engagement with their mouth with their eyes with their ears you can demand that when prayer is offered they bow their heads and close their eyes. Remember what was said of Abraham. I have known him to the end that he will command his children after him.
Don't buy into this nonsense. You're going to warp your kids. You're going to make them resent worship. If you instruct them and demand that they be outwardly engaged you're going to in the public worship.
Some years ago an internationally known Christian leader showed up here one Sunday morning in this building and apparently they were very impressed with the way the children paid attention entered into the worship that they were not off in children's church somewhere and word got back to me that the next day at a conference where this leader was speaking this was mentioned publicly that this leader went down into the foyer and was speaking to one of our people and commented on this and said this is unusual I don't think I've ever seen this in another evangelical church. Can you explain to me why this is so? And this person she asked the right person I was trying to keep it gender neutral. She asked the right person because she then publicly before 800 women the next day at a conference south of here she said that this person said well Miss so and so the answer to your question how is it so we believe it can be done we start early and we stick with it.
Very simple. We believe it can be done. They should have said and must be done. We start early and we stick with it.
Fathers it's your responsibility. When you sit there with one of your kids looking around and just occasionally tap him or tap him or her on the shoulder you're not doing your job. You serve him notice before you come in. Now son now daughter when it's time to worship this is what you do this is what you don't do if you don't obey after one reminder from daddy we're going out we're going downstairs and you're getting your backside really warmed.
Not a little wrist flick. Going to make it worth your while to be engaged in the worship of God. And you do it and you stick with it. Men I exhort you this is part of the nurture of your children.
Exhortation 6: Instruct Sons on Sexual Drives and Manhood
Now five seven I'm sorry six, seven and eight these bring us into some of the most sensitive areas and I urge you to gird up the loins of your mind and seek to listen carefully.
Determined by the grace of God to instruct your sons concerning their emergent sexual drives and matters related to the nitty gritty of becoming and living as a man in a fallen world. Fathers determined by the grace of God to instruct your sons concerning their emerging sexual drives and matters related to the nitty gritty of becoming and living as a man in a fallen world. Fathers nurture them. Who are they?
They are little boys. They are prepubescent boys. They then become young men and they begin to experience the emerging of the hormones that make them conscious of sexual drives and sexual urges and I remind you that in the book of Proverbs it's the father who's giving sex education to his son in chapter five and chapter seven and other portions of the first nine chapters of the book of Proverbs.
As I said I don't often give testimony in preaching but in a men's setting I feel the liberty to do more of it. I recently took Dorothy with me up to Stanford Connecticut where I was reared. I hadn't been there in years and when I finally found the street that would lead up to the street we lived on I came to a corner and when I did it's like I was shot back I'm 73 60 years ago. It was on that corner that one of my buddies told me what my dad had to do to my mom to get me started in her tummy.
Because a baby came along every two years and I was the second oldest of ten I had some good basic understanding that babies didn't get dropped down from the stork. I saw my mother and she said and she said and she nursed them in front of the children so that I had wonderful lovely connotations of a baby developing she'd let us feel the baby kicking in her tummy and the rest but neither my dad nor my mom ever told me how the baby gets started and on that spot when we drove by that a few weeks ago and that came back to me I remember all the emotions I wanted to go home and punch my father in the nose for doing that to my mother I remember that I felt the emotions just raw they'd been lying dormant for decades in every cave and I determined when God saved me I said my kids are not going to get a knowledge of these things that way and by the grace of God they didn't now what they've done with that is between them and God but I can remember when upstairs in my special time with my son in addition to family worship when he began to come into puberty and going through the Proverbs together with him that when it was evident that no longer was it enough to speak in general terms but it was time to let him know the anatomy and physiology of the male and female body and how it is that God plants the seed of a daddy in a mommy's tummy
and that morning when I took out an anatomy chart and we had Susie's babies that lovely little book by Margaret Clarkson and had read some sections we got on our knees and I can still remember our son saying dad isn't it great the way God has made us and when he saw on the anatomy chart the difference between what happens down in his gonads and what happens in his bladder and realized he had that all mixed up he was amazed at the way God made us and we praised God on our knees for the wonderful way that God has made us dads it's your privilege as well as your responsibility to impart sex education to your son create a climate in which it should be easy to speak of these things I can also remember the tremendous struggle I wish there was someone I could have talked to about the problem of masturbation as a young man but who should I talk to my dad and I didn't talk about those things and I wasn't about to talk to someone else's dad fathers talk to your sons ask them what they're doing what they're doing what they're doing what they're experiencing of the emergence of their sexual urges it may be they've already begun to have wet dreams already begun to struggle with masturbation and yet the climate is not such they feel free to come to you
as their dad I beg you leave this place today and find some time to sit down with your son and speak to them and then when I say the nitty gritty of becoming a man and living in a sinful world warn them about what they look at take them to Job's words I've made a covenant with my eyes tell them how God has put them together as men that just one look can trigger things in them that causes their sexual urges to rage and leave them vulnerable to masturbation or to begin to lust after a woman be honest with them tell them the struggles that they will face hold out the beautiful beauty of virginity what it will be like to present themselves to a wife on the wedding night and say to her whatever her name is my beloved bride all of the struggles all of the battering from the world God help me to maintain my purity for you tell them tell them what a privilege what a reward to give their bride on their wedding night and as they prepare for marriage you should be the one to take them aside and talk to them about what it is that they should be and how it is that they should
Exhortation 7: Instruct Daughters on Modesty and Men's Views
lovingly and tenderly woo and enter into sexual intimacy with their bride why should they get it out of a sterile book and why should I as a pastor have to take people aside when there are Christian dads who could have them have that privilege with their sons determine men by the grace of God to instruct your sons concerning their emerging sexual drives and matters related to the nitty gritty of becoming a man in a fallen world then number seven determined by the grace of God to instruct your blossoming daughters how I struggled with how to word this and this is what I came up with determined by the grace of God to instruct your blossoming daughters concerning how men view women now hear me men and here I pray God will restrain my spirit and carefully and authoritatively monitor what they wear as long as they are under your roof now when I say what do I mean by blossoming well you read Ezekiel 16 in the Song of Solomon chapter 8 in verse 8 and there you have the picture in Ezekiel 16 of this baby
that God finds in its birth blood and washes it and it's beginning to come to maturity and God speaks of her breasts developing and in Song of Solomon 8.8 these brothers have a little sister who hasn't blossomed her breasts have not yet developed so I'm saying by the grace of God instruct your blossoming daughters they have begun to be no longer your little girl but young women and they are blossoming with their hips and with their breasts and it is evident that they are no longer your little girl who curled up on your knee when she was prepubescent and I'm saying dad she doesn't have a clue but she has a clue of how men are put together and it's your responsibility to train her and to teach her for example sit down with her with Luke 17 and read the words of Jesus to her where he said it is necessary that offenses come this is a sinful world men are going to sin with lust and with impurity it is necessary that offenses come but woe to him through whom they come my dear daughter God is developing you into a woman and with that comes
tremendous responsibility your body can be the occasion of men thinking lustful thoughts and having lustful desires and therefore the way you clothe and drape your body you have a great responsibility before God yes when men lust they'll be held accountable it's necessary that offenses come the offender will be held accountable but Jesus said woe be to him through whom it comes you can't adopt the attitude I can dress any way I want to if men have a problem that's their problem not mine yes it is yours dear and I want you to have a conscience sensitive to the responsibility and tell her that how her body is draped how much of it and where it is exposed can be an occasion of stumbling to men and then you say and because dear you would never fully understand this because you're not a man you may understand more after you're married and you have a husband who further instructs you but until such time you are under my roof I know how men think I'm a man I know how men react and you will be you will not go out that front door into any circumstance outside of this house
without my approval of the discussion non-negotiable I fear that some of you men have either willfully forgotten what it's like to be a man you refuse to look at your daughter as one who has indeed blossomed or you lack the moral courage to get in her face and in her mother's face and say I am the governor of this home and I will demand modesty in the dress of the women of this house period end of discussion I have a dear pastor friend who when his daughters became legally of age he would have been kept them in his home until such time as they married or moved to another state but they would not conform to his reasonable standards of modesty of dress and the purity of the literature brought into the house when there were still several minor children in the home he showed them the front door
he showed them the front door because he said when you go out of this house dressed like that that's a reflection on my headship in this home and I will not have my testimony ruined as a man determined to govern my home by the word of God my brothers I'm challenging you and more than challenging you in Trinity Church from this retreat onward when we see young women who are under the roof of some of you men dressed immodestly we're going to come to you men and we're going to say brother do you not see that what your daughter wore today was immodest well no well let me sit you down and talk to you and give you some instruction then if you say well yeah but we are not going to allow it we have a responsibility according to 1st Timothy 3 15 for the behavior in God's house and when single men are coming to us as elders distressed at what they see it has got to stop and it's going to stop and if we get accused of being legalistic so be it
Exhortation 8: Monitor Alone Time for Sons and Daughters
so be it but men don't put the onus on us and make us the uncleans play to man be strong acquit yourself like men lovingly but firmly strong say in this house modesty will mark the dress not only of the women but of the men not going to have my sons go out of here with the baggy pants showing the top half of the crack of their buttocks it's shameful and it won't happen under my roof to speak plainly some of you aren't getting it in generic terms can I be more specific without being coarse my last exhortation determined by the grace of God carefully to monitor the circumstances in which sons and daughters interact alone determined by the grace of God carefully to monitor the circumstances in which your sons and daughters interact alone
I'm reluctant to address this but my Bible demands it 1 Corinthians 10-11 says the things written aforetime are for our admonition and we read in 2 Samuel 13 David's stupidity he sends his daughter into the bedroom of his son and she's raped and all the grief can't give her back her virginity and because of the glut of suggestive stuff kids are sexually awakened and they're not far earlier now than they were 25-30 years ago your kids inevitably are going to have interaction with 10 and 11 year olds very much sexually awakened if not already sexually experienced you and your wife need to sit down and talk very carefully about what you will allow of your sons and daughters having time alone certainly never with a closed door men don't be naive David's naivety was tragic I trust yours will not be and some of us have had pastoral experience
Conclusion: Resources for Godly Fatherhood
in this area that's why I'm talking to you the way I'm talking to you I would spare you I would spare you well my brothers those are my eight exhortations resting down upon various dimensions of what it will mean for us at this stage in human history here in our culture in this church and in the churches represented to be the kinds of fathers who are nurturing our children in a manner that glorifies God and remember your resources as you think of areas where you've sat here and said man how in the world I can do that and do this and do the other remember your resources you have a sufficient Bible a mighty Savior a throne of grace a Holy Spirit churches that are ready to support and encourage you in every effort to be godly fathers for his glory and for the benefit of your children let's pray our father how we earnestly pray that you would take the concerns that I have sought
to lay before my brothers and weed out of them anything that has been carnal unwise untimely but whatever has been timely and rooted in the wisdom of scripture commensurate with the reality of the circumstances in which we find ourselves oh father bless it to the hearts of these men that they may be faithful fathers and grandfathers and uncles and for the single men that you will fit them and equip them in days to come to be godly husbands and godly fathers so Lord we commit to you all of the endeavors of these past hours and trust your blessing to rest upon them in Jesus name Amen
This transcript was generated by automated speech recognition and may contain errors.
It is provided for study and reference only; the audio recording is the authoritative source.
Passages Expounded
Acts 24:16
This verse serves as the central text for the first and most extensive exhortation, providing the biblical principle of maintaining a clear conscience before God and man, which fathers must apply to earn their children's respect.
Texts Expounded
auto_stories
This passage is the foundational text for the first exhortation, emphasizing Paul's commitment to a clear conscience before God and man, which Martin applies to fathers earning their children's respect.