The Christian Family: God's Directives to Fathers

Introduction and Gratitude

0:03 Before turning to the word of God, I do wish to express very sincerely my appreciation for the many kindnesses extended to me during this week. The homes that have been opened, the food that has been brought to the manse, these things are not taken for granted. You give them, I trust, as expressions of love, and that's the way in which they've been received by the Lord's servant. And we remind you that Jesus said, even the cup of cold water given in his name.

0:34 It will not fail of its reward. But more than these physical and tangible things, though we do appreciate them, that for which I am most grateful is the effort many of you have made to be here night after night. And I am not so indifferent to what life is all about when you've put in your eight or nine hours. Some of you doing hard physical labor.

0:57 I know what that is, both before and during the ministry. When renovating our own church, I was putting in 40, 50, 60 hours a week with my own children. I was putting in 40, 50, 60 hours a week with my own hands, plus carrying on pastoral duties. And I know it's an effort to come.

1:11 And we are grateful that you've made that effort. And that sitting here, you have shown a willingness to hear the word of God. God has commissioned his servants to give nothing but his word. And sad to say, in many places, people have itching ears and they want something other than the word.

1:27 And I have nothing to give but that word. And it has been my delight to see you sit, many of you, with your eyes and ears riveted upon that word. Night after night. And never minimize the ministry you have to a preacher.

1:40 When you give yourself with undivided attention to the preaching of the word. You're ministering to his heart as you thus give yourself to the word. And then, coupled with those words of thanks, I would like to give a word of encouragement that you get some of the tapes relative to other aspects of the Christian family that are in your tape library. Aspects that I've not had time to deal with.

2:05 Such as an extended treatment of the biblical doctrine of discipline. Sex education within the home. The use and abuse of the TV. Some of these very practical things.

2:16 Mr. Calhoun has sets of those tapes for purchase or for rental. And I do not do this to promote anything. We get no royalties, etc.

2:26 Our only concern is to get the word out. And there are aspects of Christian family living that I've not been able to touch on. Because I've wanted to take you through this passage. I hope whenever you think of Pastor Martin and the days here at Mount Olive, you'll think Ephesians 5, 22 through 6 for, and God's directives to wives, to husbands, to children, and to fathers.

God's Directives to Fathers: The Object of the Command

2:50 And if you remember that, then I trust these days will prove to have been well-invested days. Now let us turn again to the word of God, having considered the teaching of God through the Apostle Paul, concerning the Roman Bible. The role of wives and their responsibilities. The role of husbands and their responsibilities to their wives.

3:13 And last evening, the directives of God to children. We come tonight to Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. God's directives to parents. And as we shall see, directives that terminate more particularly to fathers.

3:34 Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. Having instructed the children to honor and to obey their parents, the Apostle now says, And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them, bring them up in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. Now we have three lines of thought to discover in the text. First of all, notice the objects of this command.

4:06 And ye fathers. Then the essence of the command. Negatively, provoke not your children. Positively, nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.

4:20 And then we'll conclude our study with a statement of some of the necessary prerequisites for obedience to this command. To whom is this command addressed? And you will notice that it is given directly, explicitly. Explicitly and preeminently to fathers.

4:39 That is to the paternal as opposed to the maternal element or figure in the family relationship. Now Paul had a perfectly legitimate word for parents which included father and mother. He used it in verse 1 of chapter 6. Children obey your parents.

5:01 That is your mama and your daddy. But here he does not say and ye parents provoke not your children to wrath. But he says ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath. Now in the light of what he had previously taught us in chapter 5 concerning the union of a husband and wife.

5:23 That the two shall be one. He is not giving a directive to fathers that would exclude the responsibility of mothers. For father and mother are first of all husband and wife. And as husband and wife they are one.

5:38 One in spiritual perspective. One in spiritual vision. One in concern to carry out the will of God. So Paul is not giving an exclusive directive to fathers as though the mothers had no part in it.

5:52 No, no. Whatever directive is given to fathers about the management of the home. If a woman is subject to her husband in everything. She will be fully cooperative in the administration and the carrying out of the administration of the fathers directives concerning the home.

6:11 But the apostle singles out the fathers for the simple reason. Though the husband and wife are one in their relationship to each other. There is a structure of authority of rank and of order within the home. And in that structure the wife is not the head of the household but the father.

6:37 He is not only the constituted head of the wife. But he is the constituted head of the home. Therefore the administration of training within the home is the primary responsibility of the father. And frankly dear people.

6:59 I do not know how we have allowed ourselves in so called evangelical bible believing churches. To develop a matriarchal society. That is a society in which the mother is the strong spiritual figure. This is in flat contradiction to the word of the living God.

7:25 The command comes to me as a father. It comes to you as a father. And ye fathers provoke not but nurture your children. Notice in the parallel passage in Colossians chapter 3.

7:43 Beginning with verse 18. We have the same perspective. Wives be in subjection to your husbands as to the Lord. Husbands love your wives.

7:53 Children obey your parents. Verse 21. Fathers provoke not your children that they be not discouraged. Not parents.

8:04 But fathers provoke not your children. Oh that God would burn into our hearts tonight. That this is the biblical standard. And it was so well accepted in Paul's day.

8:20 That he could use the reality of it as an illustration. Look at 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 and verse 13. Speaking of himself as a minister of the gospel. He could say.

8:35 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 and verse 11. I'm sorry not 13. As ye know how we dealt with each one of you. Not as a mother with her children.

8:47 But as a father with his own children. Exhorting you, encouraging you and testifying. He says we were like a true father amongst you. A father who gives individual instruction and attention to each of his individual children.

9:04 I'm afraid Paul would never use that illustration if he lived amongst us in our day. He'd have to say as a mother. He couldn't say as a father. Because you don't find one father in 25.

9:18 Who is the administrative head of the nurture and the training of his children. I bring home the bacon. I help with some of the puttering around the house. But the training of the children is mama's job.

9:32 No it isn't. This command comes to you as a father. And I remind you if you're a Christian man. Jesus said if you love me you'll keep my commandments.

9:43 You say you love Christ. As a Christian father you have no alternative but to say. Even though I've been a miserable flop and failure to this night. I am open to the command of my savior.

9:56 Fathers. God has something to say to you. Now does that mean your mothers can go to sleep? No because remember you're one with him.

10:03 And you are to fully cooperate. That's a split infinity. You are fully to cooperate. I've been working on my split infinity.

10:10 You are fully to cooperate. In the carrying out of your husband's directives as the administrative head. So you better be all ears. The command comes directly and explicitly to the fathers.

10:24 But since you are to stand. With your husband in the administration of the training and discipline. You ought to understand the biblical directives as clearly as does he. All right.

The Negative Injunction: Provoke Not Your Children to Wrath

10:38 So much for the objects of the command. Now what is the essence or the meaning of this command? First of all a negative injunction. Look at it.

10:47 And ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath. That is. Do not stir them up to unnecessary anger. Now it doesn't say don't ever get your children angry.

11:06 That isn't what the text says. It says do not provoke them to anger. That is give no unnecessary grounds to stir up their passions of anger and resentment. Which will lead on the one hand to bitterness.

11:20 Or on the other hand to discouragement. Colossians 3 21. Why did Paul start with this? For the simple reason that he realized that the God constituted headship of the father is liable to abuse.

11:36 Hence he starts with the negative. Don't abuse your position fathers. God has made you the head of the household. You are to administer the training and the discipline of that household.

11:49 But at the outset remember you are not to administer it in the flesh. But in the power of the Holy Spirit. The power of the Holy Spirit according to the word of God. Do not provoke your children to anger.

12:03 Well how can a father provoke his children to anger? Well in two basic ways. He can provoke them to immediate anger. Or he can provoke them to what I'm calling delayed anger.

12:15 How does a father provoke his children to immediate anger? He can provoke them to this kind of anger by unreasonableness. In his demands. A father can demand things that the conscience of a child tells him is unreasonable.

12:32 And because of the unreasonableness there is a buildup of resentment. Sometimes unreasonableness on non-essential issues. I've seen some fathers turn their kids off. Because they said, Son in my day a man wore his hair up this high and you're not aware of it.

12:48 Blah blah blah blah blah. They make a kid look like a kook at school because they say he can't have his hair down to his ears. Now you have every right as a Christian father to teach your son that the distinction between male and female is to be maintained even in appearance. 1 Corinthians 11 says it's a shame for a woman to appear as a man and a man as a woman.

13:09 And the whole drive to unisex clothing and unisex appearance is an abomination in the sight of God. But when a guy wants to wear his hair a little bit longer than you wear yours or I wear mine. Oh fathers don't provoke your children to anger. By making an issue.

13:26 Now if they want to wear it down to the shoulders. So that you've got to look twice to see what it is. Whether it is a he or she. You have every right as a father to say look son.

13:36 I'm to rear my daughters to look like women. And my sons to look like men. And you don't look like a man. Get that hair cut two inches.

13:44 You've got every right to do that. But you've got no right to conform your children to your own arbitrary case. In such matters as clothing. In such matters as.

13:57 Well we could go on. I won't go into it. If you've got sense enough you know the other areas. Don't provoke them to anger by unreasonableness in your demands.

14:05 Secondly. Don't provoke them to immediate anger by harshness. In your rule of them. Psalm 103.13 says our heavenly father knows our frame.

14:17 He remembers that we are dust. And I've seen some daddies who were all harshness. Never physically loved their children. But oh they physically punished them.

14:26 And people say. I don't want anything to do with the rod. My daddy was always giving the rod I want. No.

14:32 No listen. The problem was not there was too much of the rod. There wasn't enough of the balancing evidence of tenderness and love. You rarely can you discipline a child too much.

14:43 But you can fail to show him the love. Physically and in other ways that he needs. You'll provoke them to anger fathers. If you're unreasonable in your demands.

14:52 If you're harsh in your rules. Thirdly. If you are partial in your dealings with your children. Our heavenly father is not partial.

15:00 First Peter 1.17 says he judges without respect to persons. And if you show partiality. Spanking one child for a slight provocation.

15:11 But letting another one get away with murder. You'll provoke the one to anger. And God says fathers don't provoke your children to anger. You know the greatest area can provoke your children to anger.

15:22 And I want to spark here for a minute. By inconsistency in your own example. You want to provoke your children to anger. Then you forbid them to do things that you do.

15:34 Like the father that stands there with his cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Saying to his boy I'm going to wear you out if I ever catch you smoking. What kind of stupid hypocrisy do we think we can put over on our children. The inconsistency of setting standards for our children.

15:56 That we ourselves are not exemplified. The father who rears his children saying look. Truth is precious. Error is damning.

16:05 Run from error. Attach yourself to the truth. And then that father identifies himself with a church full of heresy. Where the pulpit parades heresy.

16:20 And the child can see right through the inconsistency. Don't provoke your children to anger by inconsistency. In your example. Don't provoke them to anger by inflexibility in your rule.

16:38 When you've made a mistake sit down with the kids. And say look your daddy meant to do what's right. But I see now it was wrong. Will you forgive me.

16:46 I've never had my children say no. No they put their arms around me and say daddy we forgive you. It wasn't that bad after all. And they comfort the daddy.

16:58 Don't provoke them to anger by neglecting. Say well I just don't have time for my kids. I'm making it. My friend listen to me.

17:09 Listen to me. When your kids are grown and they're pushed out of the nest and on their own. They'd far rather look back upon memories of the dad who had time to sit down with them. Play checkers with them.

17:21 Shoot basketball with them. Go out and walk through the woods. Even if it meant they had to come home to a small crowded house with bare floors. And one old hunk of a junk of a car in the driveway.

17:34 You say I got no time. Why? Well I'm providing for my kids. What are you providing for them?

17:42 Bigger bedrooms. More rugs. Small comfort that gives a kid in being prepared to face life. Oh you fathers I plead with you tonight.

17:52 Don't provoke your children to anger by unreasonableness, harshness, partiality, inconsistency, inflexibility, neglect of them. But don't provoke them to delayed anger either. And one of the great problems. One of the great problems in our day is right here.

18:10 Parents said this. Oh I dare not upset my child by restraining him, by spanking him, by disciplining him. My child might turn against me. And you know what's happened?

18:22 Those children have turned against their parents. Not in their infancy. But now that they are on the threshold of adulthood. They know they're absolutely incompetent to face life with its responsibilities.

18:34 Because they were never made to do what they didn't want to do. And it's that generation of kids that have turned around and thumbed their noses at their parents. They've been provoked to anger by the cursed spineless indulgence of their parents. They haven't restrained them.

18:53 They haven't instructed them in holy things. Like the young woman who lay upon a bed in a hospital ward dying and looked up into the face of her mother and said, Mama! You taught me how to love a man. You taught me how to attract a man.

19:07 You taught me how to smile. You taught me how to smoke. You taught me how to hold my cocktail glass. But you didn't teach me how to die.

19:14 Mama! How do I die? Mama was too busy making a socialite out of her pretty little daughter. Oh, dear fathers.

19:28 This is the word of God. You're not talking, dealing with this preacher. God says, provoke not your children to anger. But then God moves to the positive.

The Positive Injunction: Nurture Them in the Lord

19:43 And this happens so often. In Scripture, the best way to avoid the negative is get absorbed in the positive. So here is the positive direction. What is it?

19:54 Look at it. Nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. And we've got three things in those words. We have the task described, nurture them.

20:06 The means by which it is to be accomplished, chastening and admonition. Thirdly, the sphere in which it is to be accomplished. Nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. Every word in the direction.

20:20 First of all, look at the description of the task. Don't provoke them, but nurture them. Now this is a present imperative verb. That is, be continually doing it.

20:33 Now there's only one other place in the New Testament where this verb is used. Nurture them. To nurture. You know where it is?

20:40 Right up in chapter 5. Look at it. In verse 29. No man ever hated his own flesh, and here's the verb, but nourishes and cherishes it as Christ the church.

20:55 How does a man nourish his body? Well, he provides it with everything necessary for its normal, useful development and sustenance. That's what it means to nourish your body. How does Christ nourish the church?

21:09 He provides the church with everything necessary for its life and growth and strength and ultimate perfection. Now God says, fathers, nurture your children. That is, provide them with everything necessary physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally to bring them from that pliable, moldable little mass of life that is deposited in your arms at birth to where they are prepared to face the totality of life in all of its dimensions and demands as mature men and women. Fathers, nurture your children.

21:51 Under God be the instrument that will prepare the totality of their human existence for the totality of life's experiences. In other words, fathers, it's not enough that you're the biological cause of their conception. Not enough that you are the economical means of their sustenance. You fathers, I as a father, am to be the nourisher of the totality of my children's humanity in order that they may be prepared for the totality of life's responsibilities.

22:33 And I tell you, when this thing grips you, you can never say with a feeling of pride, I've got three kids, without feeling a sense of awe, oh my God, what a task is laid upon me. What a task is laid upon me. Has it gripped you, fathers, that you're raising future fathers? And your son will probably in all likelihood be no better a father than you are.

23:00 You're raising future neighbors, husbands, wives, servants of Jesus Christ. And what is necessary to be efficient in all those spheres? Emotional stability? Mental alertness?

23:14 Up to the limit of the capacity? Character development? The ability to stick at a task when you don't feel like it? Sensitivity to people?

23:22 Consideration? All of the things that are necessary to make a good father, a good mother, a good neighbor, a good citizen of the kingdom of God. Fathers, that task is in your hands. Not the church.

23:35 Not the school. Not the university. Not the psychiatrist. It's in your hands.

23:42 God put it there. You say, well, God, I pass. God says, no passing in this game. When I put it in your hands, it's in your hands and I'll hold you accountable for what you've done with it.

23:58 And we live in a cursed generation because fathers have said, let the state do it. Give them over to the school. Let mama do it. Give them over to the wife.

24:07 Let the church do it. Give them over to the preacher. When God says, fathers, you do it. Fathers, you do it.

24:19 That's the task. You're to nurture them. Bring them to full-orbed maturity to face life's responsibility. Now, what means has God given you to accomplish it?

The Means of Nurturing: Chastening of the Lord

24:29 You say, preacher, I never even got through high school. Well, neither did most of the fathers to whom Paul wrote. They didn't even have high schools. I never had a course in child psychology.

24:39 Hallelujah. It would have ruined you and made you a worse father than you are now. Fathers, what means has God put at your disposal to do this job? Look at the text.

24:53 Two great means. Look at them. Here they are. Fathers, nurture your children, how?

25:01 In the chastening and admonition of the Lord. Now, this word chastening, some of your Bibles, it's translated instruction. And it's a very broad and flexible word. Sometimes it means the whole scope of positive education and instruction.

25:22 Acts 7.22. 2 Timothy 3.7.

25:24 2 Timothy 3.7. 2 Timothy 3.16.

25:26 2 Timothy 2.25. Other times, it refers exclusively to the intelligent, purposeful application of the rod of correction in order to enforce a lesson. It means discipline in that limited sense.

25:41 Turn to Hebrews 12 for an example of this use. Hebrews 12, this same word in the original, the means by which you're to nourish your children is chastening. Hebrews 12.5.

25:54 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which reasons with you as with sons. My son, regard not lightly the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art reproved of him for whom the Lord loveth. He chasteneth and...

26:15 Notice. Scourgeth. Chastening is parallel to scourging every son whom he receive would. Verse 11.

26:23 chastening seemeth not for the present to be joyous but grievous. You ever saw a kid being chastened saying, whoo, ain't this great? It doesn't seem joyous for the present. Here the word chastening is used in its limited sense of the intelligent, purposeful application of the rod of correction. Now in what sense is it used here in Ephesians? Well, because it is set in conjunction with admonition, which always has to do with words, verbal instruction, we have a right to assume that here Paul is using it in its more limited sense. It is speaking of training by means of positive instructions enforced with rewards and with punishments. In other words, the great means of grace put in my hands as a father to nourish my children, to forbearance, to fear and to love, lest they be little children. And in other words, gave them up for fun and said the good deeds of their parents, and then he said that now they are Lord maturity is the sanctified use of the rod of correction governed by the word of

27:33 the living God. Therefore, fathers, listen to me. If you have never on your knees read through the book of Proverbs, praying that God would teach you how to use the rod of correction biblically, you have miserably failed as a father, just as much as the preacher who's called upon to convert sinners and build up the saints does not prayerfully ask how to preach the word. It's the means God has given you as a father. In fact, you know what God says, and I'm going to talk very plainly here because the Bible does. You know what God says to you as a father? If you do not faithfully discipline yourself, you will not be able to do what God says to you. You will not be able to do what God says to you. You will not be able to do what God

28:19 says to you. If you discipline your children, your kids are no better off than little illegitimate bastard children who run the streets with nobody claiming them. You say, preacher, I'll punch you in the nose if you say that. I didn't say it. God did. Where did God say it? All right, look right in your Bible at Hebrews 12. Look what it says. Look what it says. Hebrews chapter 12, verse 7. It is for chastening that ye endure. God dealeth with you his sons.

28:47 For what son is there whom his father chastens not? But if ye are without chastening, whereof all have been made partakers, then are ye bastards and not sons. You see what God is saying? A kid who doesn't have a father to love him enough to correct him might as well be a bastard child that nobody claims. Some of you parents thought you showed your love by not disciplining your children. God says you treated them like bastard children. God says it. I didn't say it. God says it. If ye are without chastisement, then are ye bastards and not sons. God says I don't treat my children like illegitimate children. I claim them as my own and I'm so determined to make them what I want them to be that I'll spank them when they step out of line. For whom the Lord loves, he chastens and scourges every son whom he receiveth.

29:44 Dear fathers, let me just read without comment, if I can discipline myself so to do, a few verses quickly in the book of Proverbs. Tighten your seatbelts and turn to Proverbs. I'll just give the reference, read the verse, and pass on. Look what God does.

30:00 Look what God has to say about this means of nurturing our children. Proverbs 13, verse 24. He that spareth his rod proves that he really loves his children. Is that what God says? What does God say? He that spareth his rod shows that he is well educated and understands child psychology. Rubbish! He that spareth his rod hates his son, but he that spares it loves him, chastens him diligently. That's what God says. And I say to you kids and you gals and fellows, I shouldn't call you kids, forgive me, will you? You fellows and gals in college, don't you believe that garbage you get in your child psychology classes? It's pure and adulterated, perfumed garbage. That's all it is. That's all it is! No psychologist

30:59 can understand human behavior in infancy or adulthood who rejects the doctrine that man has made in the image of God and man felt. And man is inherently evil with a positive natural bent. You see? So how can they tell you how to handle the kid? They don't know what the kid is. He's not a little bundle of undeveloped innocence. He's a little bundle of undeveloped fallen humanity. And God says if you love the child, you'll chasten him, not according to your temper whims, according to your emotional fits, you'll chasten him diligently, that is, with intelligent purpose and consistency. Alright, chapter 19 and verse 18 of the book of Proverbs. May the Holy Ghost thunder these

31:48 words to our heart. Proverbs 19, 18. Chasten thy son, seeing there is hope. Set not thy heart on his destruction. You say, what parent would ever set his heart on destroying his own children? God says the parent who doesn't chasten his kids. What would you think if you found out that your neighbor was sitting up night after night, grinning, fidgeting, figuring out ways to ruin your sons and daughters? What would you think, mothers, fathers? What would you think if you found out that your neighbors were sitting up, burning the midnight oil, plotting how to wreck and ruin and destroy your children? You say, I don't know what to do. God says you're plotting their destruction if you don't apply the rod of correction to them. You are plotting their destruction. That's what God says. Chasten thy son, seeing

32:38 there is hope. Don't set your heart on his destruction. Indicating if you don't chasten him, that's exactly what you're doing. Chapter 22 and verse 15. And oh, how I'd love to print this verse in letters 14 and a half feet high in bright day glow orange paint and hang it up over the walls of every single classroom across our country where the child psychologist spills out his garbage. What does it say? Foolishness. And in the book of Proverbs, foolishness is not stupidity.

33:14 Wickedness, sinfulness is bound up in the heart of a child. He is not a little neutral creature, just a collection of genes and chromosomes and inherited temperament upon whom society and environment will put a stamp. He comes into this world with a bundle of sinful folly in his bosom. And people say, that's a stage. No, no. That's just an unpacking session.

33:41 He's unpacking more of the folly that's bound up in his heart. It's unpacking more of the folly. I've seen passages. Well, that's the terrible teeth.

33:50 And that's the trying treats. And that's the Philly-Daly fools. Foolishness is bound up in his heart. And the child begins to show rebellion long before he can even talk. What does God say we're to do? The rob of correction shall drive it far from him. The rob of correction is God's means to drive the folly from the heart of that child. The rob of correction shall drive it far from him. The rob of correction is God's means to drive the folly from the heart of that child.

34:20 Proverbs 23, 13 and 14. Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou beat him with the rod, he will not die. When I used to, as a kid, we used to play cops and robbers. And there was a guy across the street, Sonny Yates. Every time you'd go, da-da, da-da-da, you're dead. He couldn't say wounded. He couldn't pronounce the W. And he used to yell out, I ain't killed, I'm only wounded. I ain't killed, I'm only wounded.

34:50 Well, we said that to the children sometimes. When you hear their cries, you'd say, Lord, this is going to kill them. They ain't killed, they're only wounded. That's what Solomon says. You ain't going to kill them, you only wound them. Look at it. If thou beat him with the rod, he will not die. But now look at verse 14. Oh, dear men and women, look at verse 14. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from what? From the flesh. From the flesh. From the flesh. From the flesh. From the flesh. From the flesh.

35:21 A child who hears the Gospel that doesn't have his hearing of the Gospel joined with firm loving parental discipline is very unlikely ever to become a Christian. The rod is a means of grace to save a child from Hell. You want to cooperate with the devil in sending your children to Hell? You say, what do you think I am, preacher? A fiend? You are a fiend.

35:54 You're helping the devil to damn your children if you don't faithfully love him and send intelligently and biblically apply the rod of correction, the Word of God says it. Don't go out and say, I don't agree with that preacher. My friend, if I get one thing through this week, I hope I get this much through. Don't you listen to anything the preacher tells you that doesn't come from that book? But if it comes from that book and is an honest treatment of it, you're not hearing the preacher, you're hearing the preacher's God. And you'll meet that God in the day of judgment. Turn to Proverbs 29, 15 and 17. You want your child to be wise? Oh yeah, you say, that's why I'm scraping and saving to send him off to college. Well, it'll be long before you do that. Look what it says. Proverbs 29, 15.

36:44 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself cause it shame to his mother. Verse 17, correct thy son and he will give thee rest. Yea, he will give delight to thy soul. And I see my mom and my daddy. My daddy just retired last year.

37:05 Ten of us. And only one of us who's not a professing Christian. And when we gather together for our annual homecoming in Lancaster, Pennsylvania at Thanksgiving time, I think of this verse in conjunction with my mom and my daddy. Correct thy son and he'll give delight to thy soul. And oh, the delight that my mom and my daddy have as they see their children rising up and calling them blessed. Thanking them that they had right values. Although we were considered, by today's standards, we would have been considered borderline poor. My mother refused to go out and work. Sure, we had threadbare furniture. Many a time I went to school with trousers that had patches. They were clean, well pressed, but patched trousers. I never felt neglected because there was loving, firm direction guiding me through the shoals and the rocks of all of the foolish tendencies of my human heart. I did all that I could.

38:09 I didn't care that I should have them. I was only loved by my treats. That was more than me. Godando, pardon me if I'm a fool. I did not need to continue going up theyer stairs or going down the stairs. I listened to these little sisters of mine. They were who really supported me. I wanted to move the church forward and to be able to go out and laugh and to talk with them. I wanted to be loved even harder. I wanted to be loved even though I was told that I wasn't meant to be loved. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be loved even though I was a boy. I wanted to be loved even though I was born. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be loved.

38:19 My heart was entirely full of a sense of the love of my life. I was a little boy. and the first great means put in your hands is the rod of correction.

38:27 I say to you who don't have children yet, don't you ignore the book of Proverbs. Get your perspective straight from the book before you look down at that precious little bundle of flesh and begin to do just what comes naturally.

The Means of Nurturing: Admonition of the Lord

38:42 But now there's a second thing that God's put in your hands. Look at the text. Nurture them, not only in the chastening, but the admonition of the Lord. And the word admonition always means verbal instruction given in the form of warning and reproof.

39:04 1 Corinthians 10, 11, These things of the history of Israel are written for our admonition. Romans 15, 14, I am convinced of you, Paul says, you are full of goodness, able to admonish one another. In other words, I am not only to do something to the child in the way of corporal discipline, I am to say things to the child in the way of verbal instruction.

39:31 I am to admonish my children. Now how do you do it? Read the book of Proverbs.

39:38 Solomon begins many of those chapters with these words, My son. Here's a daddy sitting down with his son and what's he doing? He's admonishing him. He warns him about laziness.

39:48 He warns. He warns him about evil companions. He warns them about wicked women. He warns them about giving up money in a loan to strangers.

39:58 He warns them about the pitfalls of life. This idea that the Bible's full of prudery about sex. That's sheer ignorance.

40:08 Solomon sits down in Proverbs, puts his arm around his son and says, Now son, I want to talk to you. Sometime you're going to be in a strange town. He says, some smooth looking, sweet looking, smooth talking woman's going to come up to you. And she's going to give you a good line.

40:22 But son, look, when you look at her house, don't look upon it as a house of pleasure. It's a house that is a door to hell. And son, when you go through those doors, you might as well say, I've got a one way ticket to hell. That's exactly what he tells him in Proverbs chapter seven.

40:36 Then he says, son, to avoid temptation, chapter five, early as you can take on the responsibility, you take upon the responsibility of a wife and you have a loving wife and you love your wife. And as you're satisfied with your one wife, you won't go chasing. Others, I'm paraphrasing, but that's the kind of admonition he gives. Are you fathers talking to your sons that way?

40:56 Come on now. Be honest. Are you talking to your sons that way? Are you warning them about feather bedding and laziness?

41:03 Go to the end, thou sluggard, and consider her ways. That's how Solomon talked to his son. Warned him. Admonished him.

41:12 Charged him. Reproved him. He didn't sit back and say, well, son, you're better educated than your daddy. I'm afraid I can't tell.

41:20 I'm afraid I can't tell you anything. Yes, you can tell him something. The fact that he has the new math, the fact that he's in the accelerated English class, that doesn't prepare him for life. Don't you be bullied into feeling, well, I can't say anything.

41:33 I'm not well educated. Listen to me, Christian father. If you've been living in the book and living on your knees as a praying man, you're equipped to instruct your son in the great lessons of life. And so we must put the two things together.

41:47 The rod of correction applied in love, applied consistently, applied reasonably, applied as God applies it to us, joined with admonition. These two things together are the training instruments of our children. It's exactly what the Lord uses with us. In Revelation 3.19, Jesus said, As many as I love, I rebuke, verbal, and I chasten. Oh, he reproves? And he chastens. And if we love our children by the grace of God, we will nurture them in the chastening and admonition.

The Sphere of Nurturing: Of the Lord

42:33 But now notice, not only do we have the task, nurture them, the means, chastening, admonition, but look at the sphere of it. And oh, how critical this is. Look at the text. It is the chastening and admonition which are of the Lord.

42:52 That is, it is not mere humanistic chastening or a mere naturalistic idea, might makes right, I'm your daddy, I'm bigger, mind me or I'll crack you. No, no. No, no. It is to be training by means of the rod and reproof and instruction that are carried out under the Lordship of Christ.

43:19 For the word Lord in most, all, every instance in the New Testament refers to the Lord Jesus Christ. In other words, I get my principles of chastening and my principles of instruction from the Lord Jesus.

43:40 Now, you may have a daddy that's disciplined in anger. Don't follow his example. That's not chastening from the Lord. That's chastening from the bad example of your own daddy.

43:52 I say to you unmarried fellows and girls, get your perspectives of chastening, and instruction not from your own mother and father, but from the scriptures. And whatever they did that was true to the scriptures, copy them. Whatever they failed to do that they should have done, then improve and learn from their mistakes and be a better mom and daddy than they were. Not only does it mean when it says of the Lord, get your principles from him through the word, but get your power for this task from his grace.

44:23 My friend, you take seriously your role as a father, and you take seriously your role as a father, and you're going to cry out, Lord, who is sufficient for these things. I look at my children, and I see those areas of natural strengths in my son. For instance, recently my wife and I have been working on this. When it comes to seeing the down and out guy, and being willing to give up time and his own selfish interest to help him so he doesn't feel out of place and ill at ease, my son has a very natural and beautiful ability to give himself to someone.

44:54 Recently in the Christian school, that they attend, a boy came in who was very disfigured and very socially withdrawn. And my son has been the one who's gone out of his way to befriend that boy and include him in the sport. In that area, great thoughtfulness and sensitivity. But he can walk right through that front door and let it slam on his sister's face three out of four times.

45:17 His personality is so intense that he's not thinking somebody's behind me. He's thinking there's four more steps between me and the car, and I've got to eat him up as fast as possible. But you know, that'll break some tender woman's heart. If he does that as an adult male, if he walks out and lets the door slam in his wife's face, that can break the heart of a woman.

45:38 It's an insult to a sensitive woman. Someday he's going to have a wife walking behind him or in front of him. And oh, how we have to work. And it's tedious.

45:49 There are times you just say, oh, let the, no, we can't let it go for us to let it go and prepare him to be a thoughtful, considerate husband. So it means, he's saying, Joel, come back. Heidi, come on back in. Now, son, go out and open that door and stand there until your sister passes.

46:20 Tell her you're sorry for letting the door slam in her face. You see, that's a stupid look. My friend, life is made up of stupid little things that become fixed patterns that either bespeak a well-developed Christ-honoring personality or one that has gaping holes of inconsistency. And I tell you, when you begin to realize that it gets down to such small things as this, you say, Lord, who's sufficient for this?

46:53 Beth, our youngest, so naturally open. Jesus, transparent as a pane of glass that's just had a dose of Windex on it. Transparent as she can be. She wears her soul right smack out on the end of her nose, you know, right where she is by the look on her face.

47:08 Heidi's withdrawn, a perfectionist, got her goals set high, straight-A student. But oh, how hard it is for her to do. She won't admit she's wrong. And how we have to work on this.

47:19 Why? Because someday she's going to be a wife. And God have mercy upon the husband who lives with a wife who won't admit she's wrong. Just as well as I say, God have mercy on the poor wife who lives with a husband who won't admit he's wrong.

47:32 But where is that character being developed? Right now, I'm responsible. I am. I'm a father.

47:41 I'm the job of the school. It's not the job of the church. It's my job. And if I want the thrill of being able to say, I'm able to sit there or I hope I'm alive to stand there.

47:57 I've married all five of my sisters. I hope I'll be alive to marry my daughters. They say, Daddy, we want you to perform the wedding ceremony for us. And if I want the thrill of standing at the front of the church and seeing my virgin daughter come down the aisles and have some degree of peace, knowing I were in that boy's shoes, I'd be grateful.

48:19 I was getting a woman like that. I'm going to have to work to see to it. That some young man has a worthy and a virtuous woman. It just plain doesn't happen.

48:35 Fathers, that's your job. It's got to be of the Lord, the directions from him, the strength from him, the wisdom from him. And then the goal you always have in mind is what? To please him.

48:55 Not to go around and pop your buttons. Look at the job I do. But to be able to fall at the feet of your savior, to be able to fall at the feet of your savior, and say, Lord Jesus, thank you for the grace that you gave. Now listen to me.

49:10 Listen carefully. You have been listening carefully, but now listen extra carefully careful. All right? If God has said, my children are to be trained in the sphere in which the word of God is central, the standards come from God, the power comes from God, the goal in mind is to please God.

49:35 Listen to me, parents. What right do I have to hand my kids over five hours a day, five days a week, nine months a year, thirteen years into the hands of people who do not admonish and who do not discipline in the light of the word of God? What right do I have to put the pliable minds of my children at the mercy of people who say, this world can be understood without religion? Religion is the place of the home and the church.

50:13 The fool does not galley in religion. My friend, the moment you say that you can look at God's world, any part of it, in macrocosm when you look at the skies, or microcosm when you look at the cells, and say you can look at it and understand it without the Bible, that's an insult to God, because God says the heavens declare my glory, and the firmament shows my glory, and my handiwork. How would you feel if you were an author, I'm sorry, an artist, and you had created a beautiful work of art, and in the right-hand corner you scribbled your signature, identifying it as the product of your artistic genius? How would you feel if on the day of unveiling, when it was unveiled, you saw that someone had taken a piece of paper and pasted it over your name? How would you feel if you as the artist were there on the day of the unveiling, and people said, oh, isn't that a beautiful work of art? And it didn't identify it with you as its author? How would you feel?

51:14 How would you feel? Would you feel pleased? And I ask another question. How would you feel if someone came up and wrote their name in place of yours?

51:24 You'd say, brother, at that point I'd get downright angry. My friend, God, has made this universe, and he's put his signature on it. Secular education has come along and plotted out God's signature, and then it's written in nature. nature? Whose nature? Oh, some kind of force that operates out there? God's world! That's God's tree! That's God's bird! That's God's grass! My friends, some of you better think hard and long as parents. If you have any grounds to believe, you can stand before God and give an account of your stewardship as a parent when you hand over the development of your child's mind, his concepts of social relationships and standards to secular people who do not train and admonish on the basis of the Word of God. I think one of the biggest shames down here in the so-called Bible Belt of the South is the paucity of Christian schools. Christian people have been fast asleep. I could say more, but time will not permit it because I want to close by considering very briefly, if this is the command that comes to fathers and the mothers working with them, not to provoke them to anger, but to

Prerequisites for Obedience and Concluding Exhortation

52:50 nurture them to be a good son, to be a good mother, to be a good mother, to be a good mother, to be a good mother, to be a good mother, to be a good mother, to be a good mother, to nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. What prerequisites are necessary if we are to perform it? Well, first of all, we ourselves have got to be in a state of grace. No father can be that kind of a father unless he is a child of God. No, he can't be. You can father children without grace, but you can't be a true father to them without grace. All you can do is pass on your own perverted goals, your own inadequate views of life, and you can't be a true father to them without grace. All you can do is pass on your own perverted goals, your own inadequate views of life, and you can't be a true father to them without grace. All you can do is pass on their patriarchal values without grace.

53:30 No mother can be that kind of a father. How many of you everresist? So many fathers never leave their children in family worship and say, I don't mean reading three verses and mumbling some kind of a Christian Hail Mary. I mean gathering the family around the Word of God and teaching them what God says, and catechizing them and questioning them, and God as though they were the most real and precious things in the world which they are.

53:57 Oh, dear Father, listen to me. I hope I can shame you into seeking the Lord. You can't be a good father until you're a true Christian. Secondly, you must have a biblically framed vision of your task. You've got to have a vision of the magnitude of your task as a father. And I tell you, playing golf and hunting don't seem quite so important anymore as spending some of those Saturdays with your boys and with your daughters. Sitting up to the late hours of night watching your favorite TV program won't mean too much anymore. You'll sit up pouring over the scriptures that God would train you and teach you how to be a good father.

54:41 Listen to me, fathers and mothers. You and I have an awesome power that the devils and the angels don't have. Only you and I can populate hell. Never forget it. Only you and I can produce that which powers the world. Angels have no power of reproduction. Demons have no power of reproduction. And from the human standpoint, the difference will be whether or not you have a vision of that task which you undertake to discharge in the power of the Holy Spirit. And so that brings me to the third prerequisite. You must be in a state of grace. You must have a biblical vision of your task. Thirdly, you must be determined to attain that vision, press towards it at any cost.

55:32 The Bible gives us a vision of the task. The Bible gives us a vision of the task. The Bible gives us the record of men who had great attainments in grace in many areas, but who were miserable fathers. Eli, Samuel, David, great men of God, but miserable failures as fathers. Oh, may the Lord speak to us as fathers tonight. And I say to the unmarried again, you young ladies, when Mr. Wright comes along and starts whispering sweet nothings in your ear, and says, will you be my bride? You say, now, look, John, let's just sit down and have a little talk about a few things. What's your understanding of the role of a father? Oh, I like a lot of kids. I like kids.

56:24 Say, fine, John, but what's your view of a father? Oh, well, I'm sure going to provide for the family and bring home the bacon. John, what's your view of a father? If he doesn't show that he has some idea of what we're talking about tonight, don't you become his bride, or you'll be a broken-hearted mother in about three years.

56:43 Any of you fellows, when it comes time for you to say to that young woman, will you marry me, you ask yourself this question, am I prepared to take on this kind of responsibility as a father to nourish my children in the chastening and admonition of the Lord? If not, you better pray for the grace to be confident and wait a while before you walk down a marriage aisle.

57:14 Do you feel what I feel when I go through a passage like this? When I read a passage like this, and I haven't told you anything profound tonight, everything I've told you, you've told me. You could see right there in the room, right? Fathers, that's the command. What are you to do? Nourish your children. How? Chastening, admonition, in what sphere? Of the Lord. Simple,

58:00 basic, elementary teaching. How in God's name, and I say that reverently, can we claim to have been part of Bible-preaching churches, and simple, basic stuff like this comes like a new gospel on people's ears? Where in the world have we been?

58:19 I'm asking you. I'm asking you that sincerely. Where in the world have we been? I'll tell you where we've been. We've been too busy. Sitting in front of the television. Too busy building bigger, finer houses. Too busy doing this or that. To sit down as fathers with our wives, and open up the scriptures together, and together pray, God, teach us how to be the daddy and the mummy you want us to be. When's the last time some of you husbands and wives discussed for ten minutes over an open Bible? Various aspects of your parental responsibility.

59:00 So what? It just never occurred to me. Shame on you. You claim to be a Christian. Oh, dear people. Dear people, I don't mean to be your enemy to scold you. God knows my heart bleeds when I could weep at the tragic failure when we have a book that gives us an adequate direction as to how to be fathers and mothers, and we've let it lie closed on the bookshelf, and we just did what came naturally, and now we're reaping the fruits of it. May God forgive us and cleanse us in the blood of his Son, fill us with the Holy Ghost, and help us to begin to be the parents that he would have us to be. May eternity reveal that some homes

59:46 will never be the same from this day. That some of you unmarried fellows and girls will be spared the tragedy of homes that are not based upon the word of God. I can't believe that the Lord, in this crazy, mixed-up day, would gather a group of people night after night, such as we've had here, and draw near by his Spirit, and give us a desire to search the Scriptures. I can't believe he's doing all of that to mock us. I do believe there's a better day before us. May God bring it to pass by the outpouring of the Holy Ghost and by simple, dogged obedience to the Scriptures of the Old and the New Testaments. My friends, don't look for some coat-of-many-colors experience. Don't look for some ecstatic experience that will make you speak in tongues or walk over the ceiling. The path of blessing is the path

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