The Biblical Training of Our Children, Part 1

Introduction: A Providential Shift to the Biblical Training of Children

0:05 Now most of you, I am sure, are aware that the announced subject for the four evening sessions that have been assigned to me was that of the life of Daniel. And up until about a week ago, I had every intention that I would be fulfilling that commitment, and already I can sense some disappointment from some because, you know, I am leading in to an announcement that I will not be preaching on the life of Daniel. Personally, I had become very excited about the prospect of preaching on the life of Daniel because by a combination of influences, I believe in the past year for the first time, a haunting question about the book of Daniel was answered, in my own mind. And as I was well into background reading and listening to the tapes of other servants of God who have preached on the life of Daniel, there was a growing excitement about the prospect of bringing all of that together for these four sessions. However, concurrently with preparing to preach at this conference, I was preparing to preach at the Bluffton Conference, which was completed just...

1:27 just a week ago, this past Friday, on the subject of the biblical training of our children. And as I approached that subject, determined not to consult any old notes or sermons, but come afresh to the Word of God, I was very conscious of the Lord's help in the preparation of those sermons, and then even more conscious of His help in the delivering of them, and the response from the brethren, at the Bluffton Conference was both encouraging and, in some ways, shocking. Because I believe on some fundamental issues, I assumed altogether too much concerning the measure to which people in our circles have a solid, well-grounded, biblical grasp upon their divinely mandated task of training their children. And other factors that entered in, such as an unexpected funeral and other demands that I will not go into, brought me to the conviction that it perhaps was God's providence shutting me up to preach on that theme that I preached on at Bluffton. But since I'm a man under authority, when I come here, I consulted with one of the elders who, in turn, consulted with his fellow office bearers, who, in turn,

2:57 talked with some of the men whose churches are represented heavily at this conference, and there was a general consensus that in the light of all of the factors that I should be given permission to take up the subject of the biblical training of our children. Now, you who are singles who had come perhaps more expectant because of the subject of the life of Daniel, may I assure you at the outset, there will be many arrows with your name, written on them. So, away with your disappointment. And for those of you who feel all you've heard and can and need to hear and have read all you need to read, if nothing else, perhaps God will underscore things you already know and enable you to implement them with greater efficiency in the power of the Holy Spirit. And so my subject for these four nights will be the biblical training of our children. And we're going to approach it by concentrating upon one particular text of the word of God and looking at that text in its immediate and larger setting so that when we leave, I trust we will not have a disjointed smattering of acquaintance with the biblical witness to this awesome responsibility,

4:25 but that we will have, as it were, close to our hearts a central and pivotal passage well understood, inscribed upon our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit to be our constant companion through life. Turn, please, in your Bibles to the sixth chapter of the Letter of Paul to the Ephesians, Ephesians chapter 6.

The Appropriateness of the Subject for Reformed Baptists

4:54 And I shall read in your hearing the very familiar first four verses of this chapter.

5:04 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long upon the earth. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. Now it is verse 4 of Ephesians 6 that will be the focal point of our attention in these four expositions. I am sure that there are very few, if any, who would challenge the statement that the subject, the biblical training of our children, is a most appropriate subject at a Reformed baptism. They are not the only people who would challenge the statement of the Reformed Baptist Family Conference. It seems to me that Reformed Baptists are second only to old-time Catholics in the number of children that they bear.

6:19 We have as elders at times jokingly said that we ought to have a sign professionally done placed in our foyer which says, attention all visitors, contrary to all appearances, this church takes notice no official position on responsible family planning. But seriously, we are delighted that in a day of zero population and the madness of independent career pursuits in which people regard children as a luxury to be held off until one's late thirties and then to use every kind of bizarre means to have a child after one has pursued his career, many of us are delighted that the biblical concept that children are an heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward is abundantly manifested in our circles. But then there is a second reason why I believe this subject is peculiarly appropriate in this context, and it is this. Those who have been taught to be children of God, and those who have been taught to be children of God, and those who have been taught to be children of God, and those who have been designated as Reformed Baptists or who have taken that name to themselves have been marked by a desire to have every area of life brought under the constant Reforming

7:44 influence of the Word of God. Many of you are familiar with that Latin phrase which translated means, the Reformed Church is the Reforming Church. And we rightly bear the name Reformed in terms of all that it has come to mean historically only so far as we continually stand under the scrutiny of the Word of God as touching every facet of our lives. But there are two areas which seem to have become the watershed of the most intense and most powerful and most powerful and most powerful and most concerned for biblical reformation. One is in the area of the life and ministry of the Church, and the other is in the whole matter of the conducting of our family life in the light of the Word of God. And in that setting I say I believe it is appropriate that this subject should be addressed, and addressed early in the history of this conference. Now what I propose to do is very briefly to sketch out the overall structure of Ephesians 6-4 and

Overview of the Sermon Series: The Structure of Ephesians 6:4

9:07 tell you where we will be going with the text in the four messages, and then God helping us we will take up the first heading tonight. In this text we have first of all the task assigned. The task assigned. And you fathers.

9:30 Here a task is assigned to fathers. And that will be the subject of our meditation in the Word of God tonight. Then God willing tomorrow night, we take up the second major heading of the text. We have the task defined, and you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them in the chastening admonition of the Lord. The task assigned, you fathers, the task defined, first of all in its essence and then in its major means. In its essence, what is the task? Negatively, do not provoke them to anger, but nurture them. That will be message number two, God willing. And then

10:24 what are the major means? Put at our disposal to perform this task. Two of them, the chastening of the Lord, message number three, and the admonition of the Lord, message number four. So hopefully when the week is over, you will have this text clearly understood and as a constant reference point to this tremendous and awesome responsibility.

The Task Assigned: Who is Given the Command? (Fathers)

10:54 and privilege of providing biblical nurture and training for our children. We come then to the first heading tonight, the task assigned, and you fathers. And as we approach this first heading, we're going to ask three very simple questions of the text. We're going to consider the who of the command.

11:25 Secondly, the why of the command. And thirdly, the what of the command. Who, why, and what. First of all then, who is given the command to take on the task of godly training? Well, the text is very clear in its answer.

11:47 And you fathers. It is evident on the very first reading of the text the Apostle Paul lays upon fathers the fundamental and primary responsibility for the godly training of their children. Now, it is not because he had forgotten the word for parents, for if we look up at verse 1, we see he has just used it. Children, obey your parents. And he uses the standard word for parents that applies to both the maternal and the paternal overseers of the family and of the home. So it isn't as though he had a lapse of memory and said, oh, what's that word? Well, our fathers will do. Not only is that incongruous in the context, it would be an undermining of our understanding of the plenary verbal inspiration of the father.

12:52 The Holy Scriptures. Furthermore, in verse 2, he had spoken specifically of fathers and of mothers. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise. And so the Apostle, for some reasons or other, is specifically focusing upon fathers. And he is laying directly upon the shoulders of fathers. On the shoulders of fathers, the primary responsibility for the task of the godly training of their children. In the task assigned, it is fathers who stand front and center stage with all the spotlights upon them. Furthermore, in the parallel passage in Colossians chapter 3, he does, exactly the same thing if in the parallel passage he simply said and you parents we would then

14:01 reason by parity i'm sorry by the analogy of scripture that he was putting a special emphasis upon fathers but that he was including mothers basically in the same category of responsibility but you'll notice he does not do this we read in verse 20 of colossians 3 children obey your parents in all things there's our word parents again father and mother for this is well pleasing in the lord fathers do not provoke your children that they be not discouraged now if we believe and we say we do in the in the that is the full and verbal that is god's inspiration extends to the very words of scripture then this text establishes as a non-negotiable axiom that the primary responsibility for the godly training of our children rest down squarely upon the shoulders of fathers now in our day just that simple statement based on a very clear observation of a straightforward

15:25 statement of holy scripture is nothing short of radical in the context of late 20th century american society and family life the notion that the father is the primarily assigned to to being a high and rainbow child the father is principle the mother is principle origin gone whispering delusion and contradiction the supreme lacrosse is teaching the world superhuman religion slavery extension hollywood mr wednesday i mean in the last century medical children are born on all serenities they're the princess you are a war ladies and gentlemen sit down from oscars edwards home des lasted 10 years weatt Now, if this is so, then we must face the fact that the primary responsibility does not rest upon mothers. The notion abroad in our day, in our culture, and in many of our churches is this. As the father, I am to pay the bills and wash the car and change the oil and paint the house when it's peeling

16:44 and occasionally swap the behinds of the kids and then, alas, make out the bills for their college tuition payments and then I can sigh a sigh of relief and look forward to my retirement. But this matter of being concerned about all of the intricacies of the personality of my children, all of those nebulous at times dimensions of what makes them tick when they're little toddlers, and then pre-teens, and then when their whole world is taken up with the problem of their zits and they got bumps and bulges where they wish they didn't have and wish they had more where they don't have and all of the rest, that's mom's job. I mean, I've got responsibilities, man. Let's be reasonable. I'm putting in 8, 10, 12 hours a day and that's the job of the mother. She's to get herself embedded into trying to sort out the peculiar circumstances, the psyche of that child, and to bring the word of God to bear upon the little ones and she's to be concerned with the patterns of their interest and all the rest.

17:53 That's mom's job. Listen to me, dad. Show me that from the word of God. Show me where God says your job is done.

18:06 When you bring home the paycheck and when you change the oil and paint the flaking house and once in a while to show you're still Chief Hanschel swatter behind here or there. Show me from this book where all kid involvement with your children from the womb is mama's task. You can't do it, dad.

18:30 You can't do it, dad. And ye fathers.

18:38 I don't mean to be coarse, but becoming a father genetically is the act of a moment of passion.

18:49 Being a father biblically is a taking up of the cross of self-denial. Self-denial. Self-denial. Self-denial.

18:55 Self-denial. Self-denial. Self-denial. Self-denial.

18:56 A single day of your life from the womb until you stand one day and hand your daughter over to a young man or stand and witness your young man taking to himself a bride. You fathers. It is not primarily the task of mothers. Furthermore, it is not the task of the church.

19:23 There is in our day in broad evangelicalism, and it continually is banging on the door of our Reformed churches, that the church must nurture the child at all the stages of its development. So we've got to have nursery, then junior church, and then we've got to have young people's activities four or five nights a week. We must have the church nurturing our children, meeting their spiritual needs, their psychological needs, their social needs, and even the needs of their physical development with gyms and bowling alleys and swimming pools as part of our church plant. Where do you find in the Bible that says, And the church, or ye elders, nurture the children. It is not the church's task to provide the general nurture of the children. It isn't.

20:28 And I don't care if all the churches in America do it. We turn to the word of the living God. And it says, You fathers, you fathers, nurture them. And certainly it is not a job given over to the state.

20:47 And in our day it's assumed, Uncle Sam owes us daycare centers to care for our children, to nurture our children, so that we can have the luxury of going, and having an independent career, and paying for a lifestyle that is not essential, but is one that we have idolatrously said we must have, even if we must sacrifice the rising generation upon the altar of our carnal ambitions. While we read with horror the practice of offering babes into the fiery lap of the heathen god Moloch, I tell you there's a more subtle form of offering up babes, babes into the gobs of mammon. Hand them over to daycare centers. I don't care whether they're Christian or pagan. It doesn't say ye daycare center leaders. Ye preschool toddler daycare center leaders.

21:44 No, ye fathers! Ye fathers, nurture them. And certainly we're not to leave them to their peers. The whole idea of the herd mentality, just sort of let the kids herd together and do what comes naturally.

22:01 And we're certainly not to leave them to the TV.

22:05 And alas, many professing Christians have done it. No, I think the point is clear. In assigning the task, who is given the command to be the chief administrator and burden bearer of godly training? It is fathers.

22:25 And this is beautifully illustrated in Paul's own pastoral experience. He assumes that this would have been the case in the church there at Thessalonica. For he likens his pastoral ministry to that of a father who is taking the lead and bearing the burden of the nurture of his children. Look at 1 Thessalonians chapter 2.

22:51 He draws upon the imagery of a nursing mother in verse 7.

22:59 And there is a problem of precisely how to translate it. And it all rests upon a textual problem. Just one or two different letters. In the original text would make the rendering, we were gentle in the midst of you as when a nurse cherishes her own children.

23:20 He was not ashamed to use female imagery of his pastoral tenderness and intimacy with the Thessalonians. Here's a wet nurse. She loves babies so much, she's willing to keep one alive at her breast that didn't even come from her womb. And he says, we were as gentle among you as a wet nurse, a woman who so loves children that she'll nurture the life of another at her breast.

23:50 What must she feel when she's bonded to the child at her breast that also shared her womb for nine months? He says, we were that gentle. But then, he says in verse 11, and you know how we dealt with each one of you as a father. A father with his own children exhorting you and encouraging you and testifying to the end that you should walk worthily of God.

24:23 Not only did you see in us at the level of pastoral intimacy and care and love and gentleness all of the chemistry of a nursing mother with her own child at her breast, but you saw that manly, noble, glorious standard of a father who was walking under his divinely mandated burden to be the provider of nurture for each one of his children. You know how we dealt with each one of you as a father.

The Task Assigned: Why is the Command Given to Fathers?

25:08 Now we've answered the question, who is given this command to godly training? It is fathers. But now we address the second question to our text. Why?

25:19 Why is the command to godly training given to fathers? In the assigning of the task, who is assigned this task? Fathers. Why fathers in particular?

25:37 And I would say that the answer is to be found by three observations in the very context in which the command comes. First of all, because of what I am calling the divinely structured treatment of the superior-inferior relations in this section of Paul's epistle. Now when I say superior and inferior, I'm not speaking of dignity, of personhood, or of any dimension of redemptive privilege. I'm speaking of superior as the one who leads, and inferior as the one who is to be led and to follow.

26:19 The one who gives directives and the one who follows. And there is a very specific and inflexible structure in this section. I want you to notice it. You find first of all that in verse 21 of Ephesians, Paul says concerning all believers that we are to submit ourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.

26:45 Do you see that? There is a general mutual submission of all believers one to another. I must stand ready to serve every believer in seeking his and her interest of communion with Christ and conformity to Christ, willing to take the posture your servant for Jesus' sake. But then moving from that generic submission of all believers one to another, he now zeroes in upon three specific categories where there is a unique submission between differing groups of people. And the first is the submission of a wife to her husband. Verse 22, Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. And then he addresses the whole subject of the woman's required submission to her husband in verses 22 to 24.

27:53 But then, notice what he does in verse 25. He now addresses the person to whom the wife is to be submissive. Husbands, love your wives. And then this lengthy section follows in which directives are given to the husbands which if followed will make compliance with the directives to the wives a glorious and a blessed experience.

28:25 So here's the pattern. He addresses the inferior, inferior as to position and submissiveness. Then he counters with a word to the specific superior, who must be in the position of giving authoritative leadership. Now notice how he does that in verse 5 of chapter 6.

28:52 Servants, he starts with the inferior, be obedient unto them that according to the flesh are your masters with fear and trembling in singleness of your heart as unto Christ. Not in the way of eye service. All the way through the end of verse 8 he's talking to the inferior again. The servant who owes an obedience unto his master.

29:20 And it's a different word used from the obedience that the wife is to render to her husband or the submission she is to render to her husband. But then what does he do? In verse 9 he addresses the superior. The one to whom the inferior is to be submissive, is now addressed and he says, and you masters do the same unto them and forbear threatening knowing that he who is both their master and yours in heaven there is no respect of persons with him.

29:54 Now do you see the structure? He addresses the inferior then the superior. The inferior then the superior and that's exactly the structure of Ephesians 6, 1 to 4. Notice verse 1.

30:07 Children, obey your parents. In the relationship of the family the children are to render equal respect and regard to the authority of both father and mother. Therefore he does not say children obey your fathers. He says obey your parents.

30:35 Then he says honor your father and your mother. You see from the position of the inferior, the child, the child is to regard both father and mother as bearing equally assigned divine authority to give authoritative directive to them. Obey father and mother. Obey your parents.

31:02 That is the father and the mother. They are to be honored equally. Honor your father, and your mother. He comes to address the superior in that relationship.

31:13 He doesn't say fathers and mothers do not provoke your children. But he addresses the one who is in the unique position of the superior and you fathers. And you see if we say as even some good men have said I read Dr. John MacArthur's book on the plane today on this text.

31:41 And he and others take the position that Paul's use of the word father here has no significance. It could be equally rendered fathers and mothers and gives a very slim and flimsy linguistic justification. But I say there is not only no linguistic justification, there is no contextual justification. Paul was very, very careful when he kept this structure of the inferior and the superior to make it plain that in the administration of the nurture and guidance of the children the fathers bear a unique, a non-transferable responsibility.

32:24 Then there is a second reason in the context as to why the command to godly training is given to fathers and it is this. Because of the divinely established male headship within the marriage relationship itself. Because of the divinely established male headship within the marriage relationship itself. You see in the hierarchy of the family as it relates to the child there is a unit of authority.

32:56 Children obey your parents. Honor your father and your mother. But within the relationship of the parents there is another hierarchy. The hierarchy of the husband and the wife.

33:11 And Paul had already established that in chapter 5. He had said, wives be in subjection to your husbands as the church is in subjection to Jesus Christ. And therefore when he comes to address this subject of the nurture and training of the children he is not going to negate what he has already established in the previous chapter. Within the marriage relationship you do not have an egalitarian relationship.

33:45 That is with no real authority structure established by God. No there is an authority structure established by God and it is one in which the husband is to exert a loving sacrificial self-giving headship within the marriage over his wife as Christ exercises a loving self-giving saving headship over his church. And so when he comes to treat the matter of the responsibility of the nurture of the children he will not overturn that hierarchy and have an egalitarian structure of authority and burden for the nurture of the children. No. Fathers you are heads not only with respect to your wife but you are heads with respect to your children and to their nurture. And then thirdly of course he addresses husbands because of the divinely constituted oneness of the husband-wife relationship.

34:58 He has already established this in the previous context verses 28 to 31 that great mystery of the union of Christ with his church is reflected in the mystery of the two shall become one flesh. Now you see having established very clearly that in the Christian marriage the two have become one he assumes that when he says and you fathers that doesn't mean that all the women sitting at the Reformed Baptist family conference in Boiling Springs will jump up and shout and throw their hands up and say hallelujah it's his job. This is women's liberation of the truest kind. He can change the diapers he can want the bottoms he can rub off the dirty noses he can scrape the...

35:53 No, no. He said the two shall be one flesh. Let me ask you are Christ's interests the very life and breath of your life? Are your interests the very life and soul of his life?

36:14 Yes. For the scripture says Christ rules our life and we are described as those who are engraved upon the palms of his hands. No, you see having established the unique oneness of the husband and wife he is assuming that whatever task the Christian father takes upon his shoulder as a divine deposit from his Lord and Savior there at his side one with him in spirit and burden one with him to administer the task is the beloved of his heart his wife. But you see that oneness does not negate his responsibility to be the primary administrator and guide and director in the great task of the molding of the children. So it's not surprising when you turn to the book of Proverbs you find such words as these my son hearken to the law of thy father and to the word of thy mother. Why? They were one and therefore as the father set the framework of the nurture he had at his side a helper answering to his needs

37:41 in the administration of that task. So in answer to the question why? I say the context is clear. There is a divinely established structure in addressing inferior superior relationships.

38:01 There is a divinely established male headship within the marriage relationship and there is a divinely constituted oneness of the husband and wife relationship. Now then having asked of the text who? Fathers. Why?

The Task Assigned: What Kind of Fathers are Needed? (Seven Qualities)

38:19 Threefold answer. Now we come to what is the burden of my heart tonight. What? What kind of fathers are needed to fulfill this command?

38:31 If fathers are to fulfill this command ye fathers do not provoke your children to wrath but nurture them. What kind of fathers must we be? Well we don't need to go outside the book of Ephesians for the answer. May I suggest that all we need to do in answering that question is just go back through the book of Ephesians and pick up its major strands of emphasis and the answer is there on the surface of the epistle.

39:07 Here is the great principle. It is what a Christian man is as a man. Is as a Christian that is the foundation of what the Christian man will be as a father. It is the man that makes the father not the father that makes the man.

39:30 And don't you girls ever forget that. Oh you say this guy that whispers sweet nothings in my ears and is so charming ah he's a bit irresponsible. He's not a leader. He's a wimp.

39:43 He's got no backbone. Got no initiative. Never takes anything by the nap of the neck and deals with it as he ought. But oh when we get married and then I had bear him a child then you become a man.

39:56 Don't kid yourself. It is not the father that makes the man. It's the man that makes the father. Don't forget it.

40:05 And what kind of man then is needed? You fathers who've heard the word of God tonight who maybe have sat here and said within yourself Pastor Martin you're getting a little old and senile. You've been repeating yourself. Yeah I have been repeating myself.

40:21 That's right. And you know why? Because as I said to someone at the previous conference when you're going after the average Christian woman's conscience you can get her with a blow of a feather and she breaks. The average Christian woman.

40:37 But we hard hearted self justifying proud men you got to go after us with sixteen pound sledge hammers with spikes welded to the end. And it's so hard for us to say look there it was in the Bible I could have read it with my own eyes but I've just been willing to throw the burden off on Mama. I've sinned. I've disobeyed God.

41:05 I've walked contrary to the scriptures. You begin to take seriously that God lays this on your shoulder and I'll tell you something Christian man you're going to begin to have a felt desperation to say oh God how can I be the kind of man I need to be to do the kind of task that I must do. And I answer from the book of Ephesians you know what kind of man you've got to be? Number one you've got to be a father who has experienced the gracious life transforming salvation described in chapters one, two and three of Ephesians.

41:46 You see Paul is assuming when he says in chapter six in verse one verse four you fathers that these fathers have experienced everything he described in chapters one to three. And what do chapters one to three describe? They describe a sovereignly dispensed Trinitarian gracious life transforming salvation mediated through Jesus Christ and applied by the power of the Holy Ghost. A salvation that leaves them nothing less than what we find described in chapter two in verse ten.

42:27 We are His workmanship created anew in Christ Jesus unto good works which God had before ordained that we should walk in them. A salvation described in verse four as being quickened together with Christ raised up together with Christ. A salvation described in chapter three as one that makes us long and pant to be filled unto all the fullness of God. Not some Mickey Mouse raise a hand walk up straighten up some of those forms of your life and go on living for yourself.

43:09 Not that kind of pseudo salvation my friend. You'll never be a father who can fulfill this divine mandate unless you're a father who knows experimentally the gracious sovereign life transforming salvation described in chapters one to three. You and I are just too full of ourselves to ever give ourselves to the task of being fathers. Second Corinthians 5 15 says by nature we all live unto self and it's only when through the dynamics of grace we have come into faith union with the crucified and risen Christ that we no longer live unto ourselves but unto him. Now let me ask you man do you know anything about that salvation? Not a salvation that's caused you to just rearrange some of the mental furniture in your head. And you say oh yes I believe this believe that believe this I don't believe that anymore and so you've just rearranged the mental furniture in your head.

44:13 No that's not real salvation. Nor am I asking you if you have a so called salvation that is simply refined some of the external some of the external patterns of your life. You don't go around with bacca juice drooling out the side of your mouth anymore. You don't chew you don't spit you don't even dip snuff.

44:30 Good. So you go to hell clean mouthed. You go to church. You maybe read the bible occasionally.

44:38 And sing hymns and listen to sermons. No I'm not talking about that. I'm asking you man you fathers sitting here tonight has something happened in you by sovereign grace that has no explanation for you but that you've been raised from the dead. You've been christened together with Christ.

44:59 What is there about you that defies any other explanation but that almighty God in sovereign mercy has made you a new creature in Christ. Changed the whole from self the whole from your ideas and your plans and your comfort and your ease and your pleasure to you. To where you're ready day by day to take up a cross and feel it splinters plunging into your remaining self life and walking as it were in your own blood drops of self denial that you may be a father according to the pattern of the word of God. Now maybe that's why some of you men can't hack it. The real problem is you've never been converted. And maybe God will use even your natural affection for your children.

46:05 The Bible speaks of that. And the realization why I can't even be the father I ought to be because I'm not a Christian. Oh may God use even that motive to get you to seek the Lord while he may be found. To call upon him while he is near and say to him oh God not only am I a dishonor to you and a grief to my wife but oh God I can't even be the father I ought to be.

46:31 Have mercy upon me. Cleanse me and wash me. Make me a true Christian. That's the starting point.

46:40 But then secondly you have to be a father who is committed to whole soul participation in the life of a healthy church. You've got to be a father committed to whole soul participation in the life of a healthy church. That's chapter 4 verses 1 through 16. Don't have time to go into the details but you who are familiar with Ephesians you know that's what it says.

47:08 After establishing the essential unity of all who've experienced this salvation both Jew and Gentile he then says that amidst this unity there is diversity of gift according to the activity of the ascended Christ and among his gifts he gives pastors and teachers for the perfecting of the saints unto the work of service and then he says he gives them that we may no longer be children tossed to and fro that's the negative then he gives them that in the context of consciences and hearts under the molding influence of truth speaking the truth in love we may grow up into him in all things who is the head even Christ when he says in chapter 6 you fathers he's not talking to fathers who think they can have freelance religion that doesn't bind their hearts to serious commitments to a healthy local church with healthy biblical pastoral preaching and oversight and with healthy congregational interaction he is not envisioning any father being able to fulfill his task who is not committed with the whole of his soul to the life and ministry of a healthy local church the Bible knows nothing of freelance independent church maturity in Christ the Bible knows nothing of it could it be

48:37 that this is why some of you are flops as fathers it's because your priorities are so messed up and your unmortified pride so dominant that you really don't think you need to make the kind of commitments expected in a healthy biblical church if you're going to church Sunday night I have to if I want to go on the back porch and look at the stars and worship God that's my business and if I feel I need a Wednesday night to just relax I'm not going to make commitments that bind my conscience to be present when the church gathers to pray no way Jose not me alright man then let your shoddy task be done God has ordained the total ministry of a healthy church to make you the kind of man who can be a competent father and I say again to you single young women what do you look for in a man look beyond his pretty face and curly hair and broad shoulders and ask the house of God a day in

50:06 thy courts is better than a thousand is he a man who's in his place when the church gathers to pray is he a man who's giving his soul to the life and health and well being of the church supportive of its ministries with his time with his energies with his prayers I tell you a man like that can be a gracious and a godly father even if he's only got a he may have legs as skinny as bee's knees but I tell you something may I say without being irreverent he'll be a true spiritual hunk in your eyes as you see him nurturing your children now some of you men need to have some dealings with God I didn't write the book of Ephesians you know I'm just quoting it when Paul said you fathers he's assuming they've experienced that radical life transforming salvation as described in the first three chapters he's assuming they're committed whole soul participation in the life of a healthy church thirdly he's assuming they are fathers who are resolutely determined hear me men resolutely determined to reject the world's perspectives on parenting and manhood and here

51:35 I want you to look with your own eyes at what Paul said in verse 17 and following what is he saying this I say therefore in testifying the Lord that you no longer walk as the Gentiles walk in the vanity of their mind being darkened in their understanding alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them you see what he is saying he's saying your whole lifestyle the lifestyle of those who are steeped in the ignorance and darkness of pagan perspectives on life that your patterns of life are no longer shaped and molded by the world's perspectives that grow out of their sticky and spiritual darkness you will never be a father after the heart of God unless you're a man resolutely determined to follow the world's perspectives on parenting and manhood you've got to reject all wimpyism wimpyism even the dressed up wimpyism of Bill Cosby Mr. Huxtable who never challenges his egalitarian wife who's a master

53:04 of diversionary tactics with his teenage children who occasionally will have a little mild but fundamentally Dr. Huxtable is the essence of a horrible wimp of a father and if you learn what it is to be a father from Bill Cosby you in big bad shape man on the other end of the spectrum you young men don't get your notions of what it is to be a man what it is to be a parent from the sick machoism it won't be long before they'll be doing another rerun of Archie Bunker he's the essence of carnal machoism treats his wife like a chattel a mindless thing whose opinions don't matter and you see the tragedy as it gets people laughing at it and all the while they laugh that pattern is being etched upon their souls treats his children as mindless not those to be reasoned with but those to be bullied prejudicial authority don't get your notions either from the wimpyism of Dr. Huxtable or the sick carnal machoism of Archie Bunker and you young men don't get your ideas of manhood

54:32 from Sylvester Stallone's bulging biceps pecs and lats with the veins standing out in his biceps who grunts instead of talks can you imagine him sitting a child upon his lap on his knees saying honey what's bothering my little one it's incongruous isn't it and yet he's the model of manhood his manhood is purchased five hours a day at Nautilus machines this kind of manhood is purchased at a dearer price in the secret place with God and in a life of self-denial oh you young men I could take any one of you and put you under intense training and inside of a couple of years you could win a local bodybuilding contest so what so what you've got to resolutely determine I will reject the dark and vain worldly concepts of parenting and manhood and I'll go to my Bible and I'll say God teach me from the Bible you are the perfect father teach me what it is

56:02 to be a father you are perfectly reflected in your dear son make me like Jesus that's how you learn to be a true father fourthly we need fathers what kind of father is needed we need fathers deeply concerned not to grieve the Holy Spirit Ephesians 4 the emphasis the emphasis is that we who've experienced this life transforming salvation have all without exception been given the gift of the Holy Spirit based not upon our carrying and our working and our pleading but based upon Christ's baptism of blood and forsakenness and dereliction and his exaltation to the right hand of the Holy Spirit we must shed forth this and we are sealed by the Spirit himself he is the seal in his indwelling even to the day of redemption but verse four third chapter four and verse thirty says do not grieve the Spirit and what is the context it is dealing with sins primarily of interpersonal relationships and specifically sins of the tongue and sins of the heart

57:30 let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth and grieve not the Spirit let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and railing be put away from you be kind tender hearted forgiving one another oh hear me dear fathers I am personally convinced that perhaps next to reason number one that men are churches are strangers to life transforming holy ghost rot salvation here is the great reason for the lack of godly fathers they are grooving the Holy Spirit fathers who can speak sharply to their wives in the presence of their children and not go to their wives and to their children and say I sinned with me fathers who seeing the failures of their wives forget the admonition husbands be not bitter against your wives and they are bitter she has not kept her figure as I thought she would she is not the housekeeper I expected she would be she is not the cook I hoped she would be and there is a growing

58:59 swelling bitterness what happens it grieves the church in these times I am a dweller the church of the concubines is not a place that is the place of the only goodness what we live whatsoever but I believe in the world and that I inches from him and I was mad and I had him by the shirt and I said son there's a warfare going on in me there's one part of me that wants to knock you clean across this room but there's another part of me says if I did it I just have fuel for repentance and you better be thankful that the latter part is stronger than the former that's what I told him I had to be honest but thanks in the times when I spoke simply by the grace of God to go and say forgive me forgive me grieve not the Holy Spirit of God do not grieve the spirit what are you doing tonight father that is grieving the spirit in your relationship

60:22 to your wife your children your fellow church members if you grieve the spirit in any other area you cannot know his grace of love peace love and peace unsuffering patience. You cannot know His wisdom, His counsel, His moral virtue of strength dripping with softness. And softness that is nerved with moral strength. That's the work of the Spirit.

60:54 Where are you grieving the Spirit tonight?

60:58 Is it the videos you're watching when nobody's home?

61:04 Is it the Playboy magazines you're looking at at the locker at work?

61:09 Where are you grieving Him? Man, cut it out. Go back to your room tonight and have dealings with God. Get down before God if you've got to go out and walk in the athletic field under the hot summer skies.

61:25 But get right with God, man, or you'll never be the Father God commands you to be.

61:33 Then fifthly, according to Ephesians, if you're going to be that kind of father, we need fathers who are determined to walk in love, radical holiness, and in the fullness of the Spirit. That's chapter 5, 1 through verse 18. Just look at it for yourself at your own leisure. There is the call to walk in love, to walk in the kind of love that Christ manifested when He poured out His life for us as a sacrifice.

62:00 We're to walk in love. We're to walk in radical holiness. Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness. Rather, reprove them.

62:10 It's to be radical holiness. We're not to let the edges get worn off by the pressure. There was a time when watching your television, an ad came on with a half-bare-breasted woman and you shot out of your seat like someone had stuck a firecracker in your britches and you turned it off. Now you just sit and shake your head and say, but you're still watching.

62:37 The radicalness of your commitment to have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness is gone. You've got a pattern of holiness with the right angles now worn round.

62:56 You're going to say no and no and no and no and no longer. No longer is it radical holiness. Oh no, you're not shacking up with someone else's wife. Yeah, that's right.

63:12 You're not taking money out of the till at work. That's right. That's right. That's right.

63:15 But you see the impact upon your children of a life of consistent radical holiness is no longer there and they see the rounded corners.

63:29 I tell you they got eyes to see them.

63:35 And then we need sixthly according to Ephesians and I'm hurried to be done. We need fathers who are exemplifying a Christ-like headship over their wives. Isn't it interesting? He first of all calls these Christian men to love their wives as Christ loved the church before he tells them nurture your children.

63:56 Maybe this is where many of you fathers can't cut it with your kids. They see the harsh insensitive treatment of your wife. They see your wife, their mother sending out a thousand signals to you for a little attention, for a little interest. They see you utterly insensitive to those signals buried behind your paper.

64:25 Maybe even buried behind a good reformed Christian book but buried in your interest. They don't see you giving of yourself to your wife. They can't remember when you lovingly nudged her out of the kitchen and said honey you've had enough pots and pans and dirty dishes. Let me take over tonight.

64:49 They can't remember when they've seen that. They can't remember when they've seen you say to your wife honey here here's twenty bucks go get lost at the mall. You can spend it all on ice cream. Spend it on tiddlywinks.

65:02 Do what you want. Just get lost. Get away from this madhouse. But please come back in three hours before I'm out of my tree.

65:12 Your kids can't remember when you did that. They don't see you nurturing, cherishing your wife. Listen to me man. You can't nurture your kids.

65:23 If you're not a husband who's loving you I answered it. Picking up on signals of need.

65:33 And finally you need to be fathers committed to waging spiritual warfare in this great issue of training your children. Isn't it interesting that after preceding the admonition to fathers with all these six things it's as though he says now you take your job seriously. You know it's going to happen to you in a very short time. You're going to say wait a minute.

65:56 I've reasoned with that kid. I've made it plain. The rules have been reasonable and plain and simple. But there's a rebellion.

66:05 There's a snottiness. There's a hostility. It's not natural. He says I'll explain that for you.

66:13 Chapter 6, 10 and following. We wrestle not against flesh and blood. He says you've got to be a father prepared to enter into the realm of real spiritual warfare. And we enter that realm with the weapons of all prayer.

66:31 In the spirit. And my dear Christian brother if you doubt there's such a thing as demonic powers and devil blindness and that your children until they are regenerate are indeed the children of the devil you begin to attempt to nurture them as we shall see in subsequent studies according to the word of God and you'll find all hell breaking loose through those innocent little kids.

67:00 Because the devil now knows that his kingdom in them is threatened.

67:05 And if you're not prepared to be a father to enter into some of the mystery and the agony of spiritual warfare then forget being a biblical father.

67:21 Some of us will go to our graves with spiritual wounds inflicted because we were determined not to see our kids decisioned not to see them made into lovers ugly little reformed Baptist Pharisees. We were determined that they would be nothing less than new men and new women in Christ and become whole men and whole women in Christ. And it's as though all hell said yeah that's what you want we'll see if you'll get it.

67:53 Are you ready for that?

67:57 It means you're going to have to start praying more than five minutes a day. It's going to mean you're going to have to give up some of your toys.

68:05 May not be able to join the bowling team every Thursday night. May not be able to go out and wet a line every Saturday morning as soon as spring comes. You're going to have to start battering your flesh and saying no not to sin but to innocent diversions.

68:28 You say Pastor Martin that's what it means to be a father. I don't know if I want it. My man you ain't got no choice. You name the name of Christ and God's put orders on you.

68:41 You fathers!

68:44 You say you're saved by Christ? He said if you love me keep my commandments. Here it comes men, you fathers.

Application: The Demands and Rewards of Godly Fatherhood

68:54 Now in my closing application I want to say this. There is no task under heaven more demanding than that of being a spirit filled father. The Bible records the competence of Eli as priest in Israel but his total incompetence as a father. The Bible records David the successful warrior the efficient steward statesman and leader of Israel who was basically a flop as a pop.

69:25 Sweet Israel was a sour father in his own house. How could he teach his son's virtue when he'd been tasting the flesh of six women against the clear teaching of God in Deuteronomy 17.17 The king shall not multiply unto himself wives. And when David broke the biblical norm of monogamy he was set up for his horrible sins sin with Bathsheba because if he'd had six different kinds of ice cream maybe the seventh would taste just a little better.

69:58 If all he'd known was vanilla and thought that's all ice cream was he'd have gone to his grave satisfied with vanilla ice cream. How could he sit his sons down and say to them those words of warning he couldn't he forfeited by his own shoddy example. And so today there are corporation presidents who are flunkies as dads.

70:21 There are preachers who build big churches who are flops as dads. Contrary to God's word. Now you see why the domestic requirement is paramount for elders and deacons. You see why?

70:34 It's the most telling test of true spirituality. If a man ruled not well his own house how should he take care of the church of God? If he's not ready for the personal holiness the self-denial the self-giving love and all of these things we need to know. We've seen in Ephesians that are necessary to be a good father to that little church within the walls of his home.

71:00 He'll never have those graces in sufficient measure to take care of the larger household of God. Second thing I want to say by way of application to you young men is this there are few goals more worthy of your arduous pursuit than that of being an effective father. Your highest goal should be to know and love the Savior. To be able to love the Savior.

71:23 To be able to love the Savior. To be able to love the Savior. To be able to love the Savior. To be able to love the Savior.

71:23 To be able to love the Savior. To be able to love the Savior. To be able to say to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. Next to that oh I say to you men whatever God may have for you in service it is secondary to what he would have you be as men and as fathers.

71:40 For remember just as the Father is built upon the man so the ministry is built upon the man and God's great work is making the man not the minister.

71:53 And then I say to you single women you set your sights in the light of this teaching. When you think Mr. Right has come along and you begin to get the flutters and you begin to think well this may be the right one. One area you be sure to look for are these qualities that will make a man a godly father.

72:15 Because remember wedding days lead to honeymoons. Honeymoons lead to babies. And babies mean somebody needs a father. Somebody needs a father!

72:26 What kind of a father? An Ephesians father who's marked by those seven qualities.

72:35 Don't be satisfied with anything less. And as I told the young women at Bluffton listen if he's got a nose this long if he's five feet three and bow-legged grab him inside of ten years he'll be the handsomest guy on the face of the earth in your eyeballs.

72:53 But your Prince Charming with his 17 inch biceps and 44 inch chest and 28 inch waist and 25 inch thighs and 16 inch calves who's an Adonis in his appearance who's got the smooth tongue of a Casanova he'll become ugly when he doesn't have the qualities necessary to take the fruit of your womb and to nurture it into that which glorifies God and becomes the very thing for which you gave your body to that man gave yourself to the pain and the groan and the agony of birth and you'll be mocked by your false standard of what you sought in a man. Are you hearing me girls?

73:42 Are you hearing me? I'm talking as a father who's had the joy of seeing his two daughters marry Ephesians men.

73:56 You want to give your dad and your mom that joy? Then set your sights right. You young men what do you want to be?

74:06 What do you want to be? You go home with the book of Ephesians this week and say oh God make me that kind of man because somewhere you've got a woman looking for a man like that.

74:17 Lord make me that kind of man. Don't give your hours to idle pursuits missing the bubbles of false standards. Give yourself to this. And then I say there are few tasks to which God is more willing to give his abounding grace than to the task of being an effective father.

74:37 Isn't it interesting where it comes? Be not drunk with wine but be filled with the Spirit. And then right after dealing with the five-fold manifestations of the Spirit-filled life he moves into the domestic sphere. Oh dear people hear me lest you be swallowed up with a sense this is too high this is too much.

75:01 I hope you're there. That's where we ought to be. Who is sufficient for these things? But the Scripture says hear me, hear me the Scripture says he that is not he that spared not his own son but delivered him up for us all how shall he not with him freely give us all things.

75:23 Everything you need to be the father God says you ought to be is stored up in Christ and having given Christ in the greatest act of self-giving even to the death of the cross he will with him give all that you need to be what Christ is. Christ would have you to be as a father. The task assigned and ye fathers.