Assessing Sincerity Before Extending Forgiveness

Introduction and Scripture Reading

0:04 The following sermon was delivered on Sunday morning, July 20, 2003, at Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey.

0:16 Now may I urge you to follow in your Bibles as I read what at first appearance may seem to be unrelated passages, but I trust in the unfolding of the exposition you will see that they are indeed very much related. The first is in Matthew chapter 18, verses 15 through 17. Matthew 18 at verse 15.

0:54 And if your brother sin against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not hear you...

1:14 Take with you one or two more, that at the mouth of two witnesses or three, every word may be established. And if he refuse to hear them, tell it unto the church. And if he refuse to hear the church also, let him be unto you as the Gentile and the publican. The second passage is in Luke chapter 17.

1:44 Gospel of Luke chapter 17, verses 3 and 4. Luke 17, verses 3 and 4.

1:56 Take heed to yourselves.

2:00 If your brother sin, rebuke him. And if he repent, forgive him. And if he sin against you seven times in the day, and seven times turn again to you, saying, I repent, you shall forgive him. And now the third passage, 2 Corinthians chapter 2, verses 4 through 11.

2:33 2 Corinthians chapter 2, verse 4.

2:41 For out of much affliction and anguish of heart, I wrote unto you with many tears, not that you should be made sorry, but that you might know the love which I have more abundantly, unto you. But if any has caused sorrow, he has caused sorrow, not to me, but in part, that I press not too heavily, to you all. Sufficient to such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the many, so that contrarywise you should rather forgive him and comfort him, lest by any means such a one should be swallowed up with his overpowering. Therefore, I beseech you to confirm your love toward him. For to this end also did I write, that I might know the proof of you, whether you are obedient in all things. But to whom you forgive anything, I forgive also. For what I also have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, for your sakes have I forgiven it in the presence of Christ.

3:55 That no one can forgive me. Let no advantage be gained over us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his devices.

Prayer for Discernment and Understanding

4:04 Well, let us again ask for the help of God's Holy Spirit upon preacher and listener alike, that we may accurately discern the mind of God in his holy word. Let's pray.

4:19 Our Father, as we come to our study of the Scriptures, we desire to say with the psalmist that our eyes are not blinded. Our hearts are not lofty. And our spirits are not haughty. But that we recognize how limited we are.

4:38 That unless you open our eyes and enable us to understand or write your word, we will stumble about in misconceptions, in ignorance. Lord, we do not want that. We want your word to be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. We want our steps to be marked out by an accurate, Spirit-imparted understanding of your word.

5:04 And so we look to you that you would give us of your Holy Spirit, that we may understand or write your word, and then be given grace to obey it. Hear us, we plead, and help us. In Jesus' name, amen.

The Camping Trip Illustration: John and Mary

5:25 Well, we come this morning to the tenth message in the series of studies that I have entitled Now. And if you are among us as a visitor and you have not heard the previous nine, I apologize that I cannot go back and preach ten hours of exposition in a seven or eight minute review. And in a very real sense, we have been building a biblical theology of forgiveness, and each block is vital in that structure. But be that as it may, we come this morning to the tenth in this series of studies.

6:02 And as we begin our... In our study this morning, I want you to imagine with me that you're an unseen guest, the proverbial fly on the wall, with a family of five who are on a one-week camping trip.

6:20 They're one of those families who actually enjoys everything connected with camping. And with that, I will say no more, because a fellow elder happens to be one of those, and I do not want to publicly insult him. The father and mother of this family of five, whom we will name, not Jeff and Julie, but Jack and Susan. They are both Christians.

6:54 They have three children, ages ten, eight, and six. The names of their children are John, Mary, and Sally, and they all sit under a solid biblical ministry. Jack and Susan give every evidence of being true, earnest Christians, and they bring their family under the instruction of the Word of God at home and on the Lord's Day. And they've reserved a very lovely camping site with a sizable lakefront footage.

7:27 Now I want you to consider with me, as they have set up their tent and taken out all the accoutrements that make for a successful camping week together. Two distinct series of interactions. You're the fly on the tent flap as you behold these two distinct series of interactions. The first is between John, age ten, and his eight-year-old sister, Mary.

7:57 The second will take place between Jack, the husband, and Sally, the wife, the mother, and the father. So here's scene number one. John and Mary. On the first full day, they go down to the lake, a beautiful, sunny day.

8:15 And as they begin to enter into the edge of the water, John knows from previous experience that Mary, though she loves the water, she has a horrible fear of being submerged over her head. So they haven't been playing too long before John cannot resist his desire to go into the lake to give it to Mary. So he tackles her, drags her down under, not for long, not to endanger her life, but just to tweak her. And she comes up spitting and sputtering, and she says to him, she says, John, you know I hate to get my head under water, why did you do that?

8:55 And he says to her, oh Mary, I'm so sorry. I feel so bad that I did that. I really wronged you. Can you forgive me?

9:05 She said, well, I guess I can. So they go on playing. Ten minutes later, same thing, grabs her by the legs, takes her down under, she comes up sputtering this time and with her voice a little more intense, John, why did you do that again to me? And he said, Mary, Mary, I just couldn't resist it, but I'm really sorry.

9:28 I feel so bad. Mary, can you forgive me? Well, I guess I can, but don't do it anymore. Oh, I promise I won't do it anymore.

9:40 Half hour later, same thing, grabs her by the legs, pulls her down under, and this time she comes up sputtering and this time a little bit more heat in the way. She goes after John and says to him, John, if you do that again, I'm going to go tell Dad. And you know what Dad said, if you did this to me, there'll be no more time at the lake all day. Oh, Mary, I'm so sorry.

10:06 Mary, I really feel so bad that I can't do this anymore. I'm going to go tell Dad. I'm going to go tell Dad. I gave in to this thing again.

10:12 Can you forgive me? I don't know if I'm going to forgive you. Oh, but don't you remember last week the pastor preached from Luke 17, that if your brother sinned against you and seven times in the day comes and says, I repent, you're to forgive him. Mary, you believe what Jesus said, don't you?

10:34 You've got to forgive me, Mary. Mary, you remember what the preacher said from Luke 17?

10:44 She said, well, John, that is what the preacher preached, and that's what it says. But it seemed, oh, Mary, you've got to do it. Okay, John, this one more time, one more time, you do it again, I'm going to dad. No, no words about you're sorry, you repent.

10:59 So sure enough, half hour later, he does it again.

11:03 Now my question is, should Mary go snitch on him to dad, or should she forgive him? How many of you believe, sitting here, that you ought to tell Mary to obey Luke 17 and continue to forgive Johnny? How many of you believe she ought to?

11:33 Now, one, how many believe she ought not?

11:39 Okay, the ought nots have it.

The Camping Trip Illustration: Jack and Susan

11:43 Now, scene number two, you're to fly on the tent flap. Here's a scene. Here's a scene that unfolds between Jack and Susan. Susan was reared in a very stable, wise, godly Christian home.

12:01 Temperamentally, she was put together to be one of these people that she could be sitting in the midst of an earthquake, and she'd be asking, well, where do we put that pot when the earthquake stops and put it back? And it's very unflappable. Furthermore, she was converted very early. And she was reared in a home where her parents taught her.

12:21 What it was, in the language of Proverbs, to rule her spirit. So she has never been one who just rides the crest of her emotional intensities when they would seek to take over her. She had learned from infancy and added to the training was the grace of God from infancy. But Jack, temperamentally, he was put together.

12:45 He was like a whole package of firecrackers from his mother's womb. That's the way God put him together. Furthermore, he was reared in a home where he was never taught the discipline of his emotions. He was allowed to have temper tantrums.

12:58 He was allowed to blow his cork so that in the developing of his personality, there were no restraints, no walls around his emotional, his periods of emotional intensity. He was known to have a triggered temper, a hothead, short fuse. But God wonderfully saved him when he was in college at age 20. And when he was converted, God dethroned sin in his life.

13:26 And there was a marked change. However, his besetting sin has been dealing with that short fuse and that triggered temper. And he has sought to mortify it, to bring all of the biblical principles to bear upon it, that he might manifest the fruit of the Spirit, which is gentleness, and not the works of the flesh, which are anger and wrath. Well, that's the situation.

13:52 And lo and behold, after two days of beautiful weather, the skies opened up and became like a sponge, like we had a few weeks ago, when it just seemed like God had a sponge over this area and just kept squeezing and squeezing and squeezing. It rained day and night. Everything soaked. The tent is leaking.

14:14 The wood is wet. The clothes are musty. I mean, it is just plain yucky. And this is added to the frustration because the kids are now filled with tent fever.

14:29 Very little to do that could be done outside in this particular setting. And so it's 7.30 in the morning, and now we're looking at Jack and Susan. And Jack is really looking forward to at least a nice breakfast in the midst of this washed-out tent week that was supposed to be such a wonderful week of vacation.

14:51 And lo and behold, Mary burns. Mary burns the bacon. I mean, she burns it. You wouldn't give it to a dog.

14:59 And that triggers Jack. And he shoots out some sharp words. What, can't you know how to even cut the bacon? But no sooner are the sharp words out of his mouth than, like David, when he cut the hem of Saul's garment, it said his heart smote him.

15:17 His heart smites him. And he goes to Mary and says, Oh, Mary, I am so sorry and grieved that I spoke those words, I have sinned with my mouth and with my heart tempered again. Mary, can you please forgive me? Mary turns and says, Jack, of course I forgive you.

15:39 I'm a forgiven sinner. In my devotions this morning, I've gone afresh to the fountain, open for sin and uncleanness. I forgive you, dear. So the issue is forgotten until 9 o'clock.

15:52 And then at 9 o'clock, the kids get fussing. And over what they're going to do that day. And Jack comes on, not Jack. Yeah, it's John and Mary.

16:06 Yeah, it's Jack and Sally. I've got to get the names all sorted out. I originally had Jack and Jill, but I thought that was too corny. So you'll see my whiteouts, Jack and Jill.

16:15 I went through and struck out all the Jills. I said, no, that's too corny. So it's Jack and Sally. And so he blows his cork.

16:24 He goes in and says, can't you kids ever get along? You're always fighting. And again, no sooner are the angry words out when he has that sense, I've blown it again. And without Mary having to say, without Sally having to say anything to him, he can't go on.

16:42 He goes, he gathers the three kids together and says, Daddy has done it again. He has sinned with his lips. He has sinned with his spirit. And though you kids should not have been fussing, that was no way for a godly Christian father to deal with it.

16:57 I've asked. I've asked God to forgive me, kids. Will you forgive me? And they all give him a hug and assure him, sure, Daddy, we forgive you.

17:06 Well, let your mind go on. There's another incident at noon.

17:12 Then there's another incident at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And so before supper that night, he gathers the whole family together. And he says to his dear wife, sweetheart, several times today I've blown my cork. And then he says to each of his kids, He says to those three children, to John, I'm sorry, not to John, to Jack, and to, no, it's John.

17:42 I've got to get the name. The three kids, you know them. The three kids. He says, Daddy is so ashamed of himself.

17:50 It seems that this day has been nothing but a day in which I've manifested this horrible remaining sin of my short views and my sharp words. I feel so unclean. And dirty. But what can I do but ask God's forgiveness, which I've done?

18:10 My dear wife, can you forgive me another time? And you, my three precious children, can you find it in your hearts to forgive me? My question is this.

The Core Truth: Right and Responsibility to Assess Repentance

18:26 Should Sally and John and Mary, should they forgive him? How many of you think they should?

18:41 How many of you think they shouldn't?

18:46 I've got you. Do you see what you've done? You have sat there as I have laid out this let's make believe scenario. And you have acknowledged that you have both the right and the responsibility to make a moral judgment as to whether or not a person who is seeking forgiveness is manifesting sincere and genuine forgiveness.

19:22 The reason all but one of you said no forgiveness to Johnny is there was no evidence of real repentance in Johnny. And the reason you instinctively said poor, short, tempered, short, trigger, hair trigger, Jack. In spite of the fact that he fell as many times in his area. Weakness as John did in his sin against his sister.

20:01 What he expressed in each of those times was true, sincere repentance for his sins. And having, I trust, drawn you in and caused you to recognize in your own consciousness that there is a difference between sincere and insincere repentance. Repentance. Repentance.

20:26 Repentance. Repentance. And that we have the capacity, albeit not being omniscient, in ordinary circumstances to discern that difference. I want to set before you this morning a truth of the word of God.

20:42 And I'm going to express it this way. Here's the truth. The person sinned against has both the right and the responsibility to assess the genuineness and sincerity. Of the professed repentance of the one who has sinned before extending forgiveness.

21:07 That's the truth that I want to demonstrate to you this morning. The person sinned against. In the case of the two children, the one sinned against was his sister.

21:25 And she had both the right and the responsibility. To assess the genuineness and sincerity of the professed repentance of her brother. Before extending forgiveness. In the case of the mom and the dad.

21:44 It was the wife and the children who had both the right and the responsibility. To assess the genuineness and the sincerity. Of the professed repentance. Of the professed repentance of Jack and dad before conferring forgiveness.

Explicit Scriptural Basis: Matthew 18

22:04 Now how am I going to set out to prove that? Under three heads. Number one. The explicit scriptural basis for this truth.

22:13 Secondly, a classic scriptural example of this truth. And then as time permits, I want to address some necessary practical observations and guidelines. And then as time permits, I want to address some necessary practical observations and guidelines. And then as time permits, I want to address some necessary practical observations and guidelines.

22:32 First of all then, the explicit scriptural basis for this truth. What truth? I've already said it. I'm going to say it again.

22:41 That the person sinned against has both the right and responsibility to assess the genuineness and sincerity of the professed repentance of the one who has sinned before extending forgiveness. That the person sinned against has both the right and responsibility to assess the genuineness and sincerity of the professed repentance of the one who has sinned before extending forgiveness. Turn, please. Turn, please, to Matthew 18.

23:01 I'm going to look at two critical texts explicit in teaching this truth. Matthew chapter 18. Our Lord says in verse 15, If your brother sinned against you, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he hear you, you have gained your brother.

23:31 Now get the picture. Here one brother has clearly sinned against another. It's a clear sin. It's not some suspicion that could not be demonstrated to two or three witnesses, let alone carry the conscience of a whole congregation to excommunicate a man.

23:49 All right? It's a clear sin. It can be demonstrated, carrying the conscience of two or three, and if necessary, of a whole congregation. So this brother, brother B, has sinned against.

24:02 Brother A, with the disposition of forgiveness, already pressing at the inside of the door of his heart, longing to confer forgiveness upon brother B, goes with the disposition of forgiveness percolating in his breast. Not a disposition to nail him. Not a disposition to get at him. But a disposition to gain him, to win him back.

24:37 The sin has erected a barrier. And brother A wants that barrier dismantled. He knows that it can only be dismantled in God's way, by the sin being moaned, repented of, forgiveness being extended. The barrier is removed.

24:54 So he goes with the disposition of forgiveness. A disposition of longing that the barrier be removed, that there might be restored communion. And what does he do? He goes to show him his fault.

25:12 That's a very weak translation of the Greek word. The simple word for rebuke or reprove, epitimao, is not used. But the word used here is elekhan. And that word means to convict.

25:28 To show the effect. To show the offender his sin in such a way that he is condemned in the theater of his own conscience for what he's done. That means brother A thinks long and hard, prayerfully considers, how can I set the case before brother B in such a way that he will be persuaded that he has indeed sinned against me. A wise reprover, Solomon says, upon an obedient ear is like a fine earring of gold.

26:10 And so he goes with a gracious, gospel suffused disposition in his heart. If you don't have that, don't go. You need to repent before you go to brother B. You need to repent of ill will, of bitterness, of irritation.

26:30 You sort out your own heart until it is filled with the spirit of gospel forgiveness. And then you don't go carelessly and just go whacking away. You go skillfully, prayerfully, in the language of Galatians 6, in the spirit of gentleness. Why?

26:52 Because you want to gain your brother back. You want to win him. You want to gain him. And you seek to show him his sin.

26:59 And you seek to show him his sin. And you seek to show him his sin. Do you believe in his sin? Do you believe in his sin.

27:03 What's the message? What can you tell them? What is the message? What is the power of sin.

27:07 You should ask those people to investigate. The question is, what is the 새것α Γ겁 thumb like a Pri İstanbul बिन्स क्ष grandpa stands there like this, saying, okay, lay it on me. You think I sinned against you? Okay, come on. And so Brother A lovingly, tenderly, gently, wisely lays out the case seeking to bring Brother B to feel and own the reality of his guilt and his sin. And Brother B says, you got anything more to say? Well, no. I hear you. Is that what the Lord

27:56 is talking about? If he hear you, you have gained your brother? You think that's what it means? I hear you. How many of you think that's what it means? No, everything in you says, no, it can't mean just that. That's no way to restore communion that's been fractured by one brother sinning against another. Well, is it, Brother B saying, okay, I hear you. I see I was wrong. Okay, I'm sorry.

28:29 Now let's put it behind us and get on. That's the big term today. Put it behind you and get on with life. So he says to Brother A, yeah, I hear you. I see that that wasn't the best way to do things. Okay, I admit I was wrong. I'm sorry. So let's forget it and let's get on with it. Is that hearing? Everything in you says, no, that's not hearing. What is hearing him? Hearing him is first of all coming to the individual. It's an internal persuasion of conscience in the presence of God that indeed I have sinned not only against God, but I have sinned against Brother A. The text says, if your brother sinned against you, hearing is Brother B saying, that's what I did. I sinned against

29:25 you. And in sinning, the barrier was raised by my sin. Hearing is first of all owning the sin as sin. Secondly, it is acknowledging that sin and its consequences with a measure of grief and of sorrow. That's why you shook your head no when I said, is that hearing it? When he says in the plausible, okay, yeah, I see nobody perfect. As Rabbi Duncan said, the words, nobody perfect said that way. That's the pillow of the hypocrite. The words, nobody perfect is the greatest grief to the true child of God. And when Brother B sees his sin as sin that raised up a barrier between him and Brother A, he will not only own it as sin, but he will own it with a measure of grief and of sorrow. And thirdly, he will earnestly and sincerely with appropriate words measured by the word of God. By the nature of the sin, ask forgiveness of Brother A. If a husband has spoken a quick

30:42 word of sharpness to his wife, a sentence in his conscience smites him, obviously, the manner of his expressing grief and sorrow and earnestly and sincerely asking for forgiveness will be entirely different from a man who's been unfaithful and committed adultery against his wife. But in terms of the nature and the magnitude and the degree that the sin has caused a barrier or a fracture in human relationships, there will be an earnest and sincere entreaty for forgiveness from the sinning brother to the one against whom he has sinned. That's bound up in the words, if he hear you. And it's interesting that that position, by the way, is not something that you can just say, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. It's not a bizarre thing I've come up with. Listen to Mr. Lenski, the respected Lutheran

31:42 commentator on this very passage. If he hear thee is again a condition of expectancy. Jesus looks for such an outcome. Here is to be understood in this pregnant sense. That is, here, so as to yield to the conviction and thus to confirm. confession and in sorrow to ask for pardon end quote and the lord says if this man does not hear you does not own the fact that he has sinned against you does not manifest that this has indeed gotten into his conscience and own it with a measure of grief and sorrow and earnestly and sincerely ask for forgiveness then when the two or three witnesses are taken what is he to do with

32:41 he is to hear them at the mouth of two or three witnesses if he refused to hear them if their pressure does not bring him to that threefold concoction of what it means to hear then the issues to be brought to the church if he refused to hear the church then he's to be treated as gentile in publican because is showing the disposition of an impenitent sinner and no true disciple is in a pattern of an impenitent sinner. Any man may fall into the worst, the grossest of sins, any woman, but the pattern of impenitence in the face of repeated light is not the mark of a true child of God. So, I say, this text is an explicit scriptural basis for this truth that the person sinned against has both the right and the responsibility to assess the genuineness and sincerity of the professed repentance of the one who has sinned before extending forgiveness. If your brother sinned against you, show him his fault. If he hear you, who makes that judgment?

34:01 The one who's been sinned against. If he hear you, the Lord expects the offended brother to make a judgment. He expects the offended brother with the two or three witnesses to make a judgment. Has he heard us? Has he not?

34:20 He expects the church to make a judgment. Has he heard us? Has this man heard the church or has he not? That judgment lies with the offended.

34:31 You see that in the passage. That means the offended. The offended has both the right and the responsibility to assess the professed repentance.

34:48 Now, I know what some of you are already thinking. Yes, but! Hold your yes, buts to head number three, all right? Let the weight of the text sink down into your soul before you come up with the yes, buts.

35:02 We'll address the yes, buts.

Explicit Scriptural Basis: Luke 17

35:05 Second text is Luke 17.

35:09 Luke 17, verse 3. Take heed to yourself. If your brother sinned, rebuke him. Now, is that sin in general or is it sin against you?

35:27 Well, verse 4 clearly indicates it is sin against you. And if he sinned against you seven times in the day and seven times turn again to you. So this, again, is personal offenses.

35:41 If your brother sinned, parenthesis, against you, rebuke him. Now, does that mean go get a baseball bat? And go after him and put a lump on his head? No.

35:55 Rebuke him. With grace. With a disposition that wants to see the sin dealt with. That wants to see the barrier it has erected taken away.

36:06 You see, all of that is assumed. If he sins, rebuke him. Now, look at the text.

36:13 And if he repent, forgive him.

36:20 The offended has no way. Warrant from Jesus to extend forgiveness to the offender until he judges that the offender has repented. If, that's a conditional clause. If he repents, forgive him.

36:39 Suppose he doesn't repent. Don't forgive him.

36:43 Well, how do you know if he's repenting? Ah, there we're back to the issue. Where the Lord expects us to exercise discernment and discretion. If.

36:54 If he repent, forgive him. If there's no repentance, you don't forgive him. And what is this thing called repentance without which the offender has no right to expect forgiveness and the offended has no warrant to extend or confer it? Well, it obviously involves words.

37:17 Verse 4. If he sinned against you seven times in the day and seven times turn again to you, saying, I repent. It involves words. But it involves more than mere words.

37:32 That's why you all made the right judgment in the difference between Johnny picking on Mary and Jack and his struggles with his temper. You instinctively made the distinction.

37:50 I want to catch you at your gut before I enlighten your head. It's one thing for people to be fighting at the head where this is not important. I want to involve you right down here in the deepest levels of your emotional and psychological constitution and then demonstrate that that's right and lines up with the Bible. You felt no with all the words and all the tears and all the earnestness that Johnny's saying to Mary.

38:19 Oh, I really didn't mean it. I'm sorry. It's all a bunch of hot air. He fully intends to drag her under as many times as he can until Pop takes him by the back of the neck in the seat of the bridges and haunts him.

38:29 He haunts him out of that lake and sits him on a stump and says, sit there for three hours. God give us pappies like that.

38:37 That'll cure him from ever dragging sister down again. Sit on a log while she's splashing around looking up at him going, I'll fix him. Never do it again. I'll cure him good.

38:49 But you see, we sensed at the most visceral level, Johnny's not repenting. He's saying, I repent. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?

38:59 But his whole, whole demeanor and his action showed he's not repenting. Mary had no obligation to confer forgiveness on him.

39:09 However, in the case of poor Jack, it's obvious he was a true believer struggling with a besetting sin and there was a whole concoction of circumstances that were all pressing him at his weakest point on this wonderful week of camping. Maybe that's one reason I never dared to go camping. I figured I'd come back so backslidden nobody would be able to live with me and I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

39:38 It would take me six weeks to get sorted out in my own soul to reach his home. But you see, there's the difference and you sense that difference that when the words I repent were used by the daddy, that those were an expression of true repentance. A man struggling with a besetting sin and everything and you said, of course we must forgive him. Of course he must be, forgive him because you judged that he was repenting and that's exactly what the text says.

40:11 Rebuke him if he repent, forgive him. If he repent, forgive him. And again, it's clear that our Lord expects the one sinned against to make the judgment. Is the sinning brother or sister truly repenting?

40:29 And while we recognize that only God can read the hearts, we are given the Holy Spirit. We are given discernment and we must seek to exercise that from a disposition of graciousness. And I'm going to address that under my third heading. Now again, just to validate with two or three witnesses that this is not some kooky position I've come up with on my own.

40:57 I read from the commentary in the Gospel of Matthew by Broadus, a recognized, trusted guide, commenting on Matthew 6, if forgive means merely to bear no malice, to abstain from revenge, leaving that to God, then in that sense we ought to forgive every wrongdoer even though impenitent and still our enemy. But this is not the Scripture use of the word forgive. And in the full sense of the term, it is not our duty, follow now, and not even proper to forgive one who has wronged us until he confesses the wrong and this with such unquestioned sincerity and genuine change of feeling and purpose as to show him worthy of being restored to our confidence and regard.

41:57 You hear what he said? We have no duty whatsoever and it's not even proper to forgive one who has wronged us until he confesses the wrong and this with such unquestioned sincerity and genuine change of feeling and of purpose. He goes on to say, here again the example of our Heavenly Father illustrates the command to us. While He sends His rain and sunshine on the evil and the good, He does not forgive men, restoring them to His confidence and affection until they sincerely and thoroughly repent.

42:40 In judging as to the sincerity and trustworthiness of those who profess repentance, our Lord inculcates great patience and charitable judgment. And then listen to William Taylor, godly, greatly useful man of another century, in his commentary on the parable of the unmerciful, servant that I preached on last week. That which is forgiven is a trespass. And while there's to be in our hearts the disposition to forgive it, we must seek to bring our brother to the admission that it was a trespass and to the expression of his sorrow for its commission.

43:24 Forgiveness can be exercised only where the wrong is acknowledged and repented of. The noble-minded prisoner who had done no wrong would not accept a pardon because that would have been an admission of his guilt. You see what he's saying? Here's a man innocent in prison.

43:42 Someone offers him a pardon. He says, No, a pardon is letting loose the guilty. I am innocent. I'm not guilty.

43:49 I refuse your pardon. The same thing holds true with the one who's done wrong. The acceptance of forgiveness implies an acknowledgement of guilt. And if forgiveness in the right sense of the words is to be given by us or accepted by the man who has trespassed against us, we must first bring him to a true perception and acknowledgement of guilt.

44:14 To do nothing about it is not to forgive and is neither just to ourselves nor kind to the wrongdoer. That's what's called in our day unconditional forgiveness. He says it's neither just nor kind and I say amen.

Classic Scriptural Example: 2 Corinthians 2

44:29 I say amen. If he repent, forgive him. Now, having looked at these two explicit biblical bases for this truth, now I want you to look very quickly with me at a classic scriptural example of the truth.

44:46 Remember what the truth is? I hope you remember. It's the truth that the person sinned against has both the right and responsibility to assess the genuineness and sincerity of the professed repentance of the one who has sinned before conferring forgiveness. Now we're going to look at a classic scriptural example, 2 Corinthians chapter 2.

45:11 2 Corinthians chapter 2. Just a word about the background of these verses. You remember in 1 Corinthians, Paul had to address many sins and irregularities among the Corinthians. One of the most serious of those sins was the fact that a church member was living in an incestuous relationship with his stepmother.

45:33 Paul deals with it in explicit, plain, blunt language. In 1 Corinthians chapter 5. And instead of being humbled by this, apparently, the Corinthians had imbibed some kind of a notion of unconditional love. They were bragging about it.

45:47 They were puffed up. They were proud. We're broad enough to have a fellow like this among us. Paul said a form of sin and fornication not even named among the heathen.

45:58 Well, Paul wrote very strongly to them and said, look, the next time you gather together, my spirit is with you. The spirit of Christ is with you. Hand this. Hand this one over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

46:13 Put him out of your assembly with a salvific purpose that the spirit may be saved. It had a gracious purpose.

46:23 Well, what happened? Well, the response of the Corinthians to that letter, not only in that incident, but many others, was so encouraging when Titus, who was sent to Corinth to check things out, comes back to Paul and you read about this in 2 Corinthians chapter 7 verses 6 to 8. When Titus comes back, he brings such a glowing report of what the Corinthians had done in response to that letter that Paul's heart is overflowing with joy and with gratitude for what had happened. And among the things that gave him gladness was that they had dealt with this wicked man.

47:01 They had dealt with him by excommunicating him, engaging in a solemn act of church discipline, and Paul reported that the discipline had done its work not only in cleansing the church, but in humbling and bringing this man to repentance. So now Paul has to write to them and say, this is what you're to do now that the man has evidently repented. That's the background. Now, let's look at 2 Corinthians 2 in verse 4.

47:30 The first thing he says in reference to this whole situation is he affirms that his disposition and immodesty in writing as he did about that situation was love. Out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears, not that you should be made sorry, but that you might know the love which I have more abundantly unto you. What is it that helps, that seeks to bring people to own their sin in the gravity and the magnitude of it? It's love.

48:04 It's love. When we believe that sin is destructive, love will seek to bring people to see their sin for the soul-destructive ugly reality that it is. It's not hatred. This touchy-feely unprincipled generation says if you try to go after sin plainly and faithfully, you're not loving.

48:27 Paul said it was the proof of my love. That was the proof of my love. I wrote out of anguish with many tears, not to make you sorry, but you might know the love that I have more abundantly to you. Then verse 5.

48:43 If any has caused sorrow, he's caused sorrow not to me, but in part, that I press not too heavily, to you all. He said, yes, I was grieved by what happened, but you people bore the greater grief. It was a member in your assembly. The testimony of your assembly was at stake.

49:00 The honor of Christ among you was at stake. Now he says, verse 6, sufficient to such a one, this is the way this incestuous man put out of the church who has, by God's grace, repented, turned from his sin, sufficient to such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the many. Corporate church discipline is called here punishment by the many. So what are they to do?

49:27 Now that it has worked its wholesome work, verse 7, contrary wise, you should rather forgive him than to do it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You mean they suspended forgiveness until he undeniably manifested repentance? Exactly.

49:51 Exactly. And now Paul says that there is manifest genuine repentance. You should forgive him and comfort him lest by any means such a one be swallowed up with his overmuch sorrow. I beseech you, confirm your love to him.

50:13 See the things there to do to him now? Forgive him. Comfort him. Confirm their love to him.

50:20 And now notice what else Paul says. For to this end did I write that I might know the proof of you whether you are obedient in all things, but to whom you forgive anything, I forgive also. For what I also have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, for your sakes have I forgiven it in the presence of Christ. So Paul says, now that you who are closer to the situation see true repentance and Titus has come back and told me all the indications of it, I now direct you, forgive him, comfort him, confirm your love to him, and now as I joined you in putting him out of the church, I join you in smothering him with forgiveness.

51:06 But it was all predicated on the man's repentance. If he sinned, rebuke him. If he repented, forgive him. You see, this is a classic example of this principle woven into the very texture of the church life under apostolic direction.

51:27 To have done these things before the man manifested genuine and sincere repentance would have been to trifle with this man's soul, to go and smother him with love while he was still impenitent, would have not mirrored his true relationship to God and to his grace, but to have failed to forgive him and comfort him and confirm his love to him and have the apostolic assurance of the apostle's forgiveness now that he was repentant would have left him vulnerable to discouragement, to despondency, and to the machinations of the devil. That's why Paul closes the passage by saying that no advantage may be gained over us by Satan for we are not ignorant of his devices. Isn't that beautiful? If the brother sinned, rebuke him. If he repented, forgive him.

52:26 There you are. There's a classic example of it in New Testament church life. Well, I hope I've proven the truth by the explicit scriptural basis for the truth.

Practical Observations: The Danger of Unbiblical Forgiveness

52:38 Matthew 18, 15 and following, Luke 17, 3 and 4, we've looked at this classic scriptural example of this truth. We now come in the third place to consider some necessary practical observations and guidelines in the outworking of this truth. First is a word of observation. A word of observation.

53:03 If we do not grasp and implement this truth in dealing with offenses, we do no good to the offending community in person nor to our fractured relationship because of his sin.

53:19 Think now. Think now. Put your thinking cap on. If we do not grasp and implement this truth that we have both the right and responsibility as the offended party to assess the genuineness of the professed repentance of the offender before confirmed forgiveness, if we do not grasp that truth and implement it, we do no good to the offending person nor to our fractured relationship.

53:50 The idea, forget it and move on. No, the sinning brother is still covering his sin and he will not prosper according to Proverbs 28, 13. He that covers his sin shall not prosper. If he has truly sinned against you, if he has truly sinned and not repented, he cannot prosper with that sin undoubt with biblically.

54:15 It is not love to say, let's forget it and move on. You do no good to his soul. You love yourself so much. You're fearful of the consequences of faithful encounter.

54:29 That's the real issue. You're fearful of the consequences of faithful encounter.

54:36 That's what keeps us back from this. But we do him no good. We love ourselves more than we love him.

54:44 And we do our fractured relationship no good. If he says, well, let's just forget it and move on. You say that, let's forget it and move on. It doesn't remove the barrier.

54:53 It's still there in his own mind. When he looks at you, he sees the barrier because he knows it's not been removed biblically. And you look at him and it's there. You may say with your lips, oh, we've forgotten it and we've moved on.

55:07 But you know you haven't forgotten it.

55:11 That's why I have to sit and deal with couples sometimes where they've got walls that should have been dismantled by gospel bulldozers years ago. But because, they had this stupid notion, we'll just forget it and move on. All of the walls were still there. And they could not connect and develop deep emotional intimacy because the walls were not removed biblically.

55:39 He that covers his sin shall not prosper. The Bible says, confront it, remove it biblically, and then, forgetting the things that are behind, press on to the things that are before. Time has no power to rectify sin or the barriers created by sin. Never forget that.

56:05 Time has no power. Only the blood of Christ, only the dynamics of biblical resolution of conflict and mutual sins, only those things can remove the barriers. That's a word of wisdom. That's a word of observation.

Practical Guidelines: Avoiding Abuse of the Truth

56:24 Now I come to the but what if. A word of caution regarding the abuse of this truth. Some of you have already been thinking about it. If I, as the offended one, have both the right and responsibility to assess the sincerity and genuineness of the professed repentance of the one who has offended me before I extend forgiveness, can't that be abused?

56:50 Oh yes.

56:52 What a legalistic, Pharisaic, unloving heart will seek to do with this truth is to make the offender get down on the ground and eat dirt and grubble.

57:05 You're not repentant enough. I've put the cup by your cheek and you've only shed three teaspoons of tears. I want six. Until you give me six, I'm not going to forgive you.

57:19 I don't think you sound broken enough. Hmm? I don't think you sound sincere enough.

57:30 Well, let me give you a concoction of three verses that'll keep you cured of the abuse of this truth. We're going to do a little spiritual alchemy, all right?

57:41 You take a good swig of what we're going to put in here right now and you won't abuse this truth and grind your offending brother in the dust who comes to you really wanting to own his sin. Number one is the golden rule, Matthew 7, 12. That's the first ingredient that goes into our potent potion, all right?

58:05 As you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. That's the golden rule. When God has nailed you in your own heart, and I'm not going to knock that off, I assure you, I'm going to be careful. When God has dealt with your own heart and you know before God you've been broken over your sin and before your brother or sister even comes to you, you've gone to them and said, look, God has dealt with me.

58:36 I've come to make the issue right. You may not be one who cries easily. You may not be one who's got the ability to let yourself go emotionally in the presence of others to the point where your voice would crack and there'd be a tremble in your voice and what we might call is the more obvious external accompaniments of a spirit of brokenness. But before God, you know you're not playing games.

59:03 And you say, John, I really see my sin. I have owned it before God. Will you, for Christ's sake, forgive me as you would that others do unto you? Even so do ye also unto them.

59:24 Do you like to have your repentance rejected when it is sincere simply because you cannot bring all of the circumstances that might make it more obvious? Yes. You, I ask you, do you like to have someone look down this Pharisaic nose and say, you're not broken enough? Then in God's name, don't you do that with your brothers or sisters as you would that others do unto you.

59:52 Even so do unto them. That's the first thing that goes into the potent potion. The second one is the law of equal returns. The law of equal returns.

60:05 What am I talking about? Matthew 7, 2. With what measure you measure, it shall be measured unto you.

60:16 Okay? With what measure you measure, you've got this eensy-beansy little teensy little scoop that's called your willingness to forgive. You get out a little bit of scoop. God says that's what you're going to get.

60:33 Not only from people, but from God himself.

60:37 With what measure you measure, it shall be measured. Measured unto you again. And what our Lord says in Matthew 7, 2, in that context, He repeats in Luke 6 and in verse 38 in a different context. Give and it shall be given unto you.

60:56 Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over. They shall give into your bosom. For with what measure you meet or measure, it shall be measured to you again. When a brother or sister comes and there are clear evidences of brokenness, though not all the ones you might like or all the ones that others may have manifested, God says, you smother them with your forgiveness.

61:23 And then when you go to your brethren, you'll get what you gave. Good measure, pressed down and running over, shall men give into your bosom.

61:37 So, if you're tempted to take this truth and to abuse it, you take a good swig of this potent, potion that has in it the golden rule, the law of equal treatment, and thirdly, the threat of judgment without mercy. James chapter 2. The threat of judgment without mercy. James chapter 2, verses 12 and 13.

62:02 So speak and so do as men that are to be judged by a law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to him who has, showed no mercy, mercy, glories against judgment.

62:23 I tell you, you put a good spoonful of that and you take a good swig of that before you deal with a brother or sister who's seeking your forgiveness. And remember, judgment without mercy, you will be judged without mercy. Listen to Mr. Hebert commenting on this.

62:45 It is certain that in, future judgment, there will be no mercy for him who has shown no mercy in dealing with other men. The word showed is in the aorist tense which sums up this man's life as seen in the day of judgment. His earthly life has been unmarked by the practice of mercy in dealing with others. He has thereby taken himself out of that merciful judgment of God's hands that our Lord promised to the merciful in the Beatitudes.

63:10 Blessed are the merciful. They shall obtain mercy. Mercy is the outward, manifestation of pity and compassion in kindly action toward the misery of another. And what misery is there?

63:24 Like the misery of conviction that I want to deal with biblically. And I come to a brother or sister and say, I own my sin. Will you forgive me? And they show me no mercy.

63:36 If you're such a person, you be prepared to meet God without mercy. But the merciful person, James says, he can glory against judgment. Mercy glories against judgment. What a wonderful statement.

63:52 What's that mean? Again, listen to Mr. Hebert. The practice of mercy toward others is the evidence that God's grace has produced a transformation in us.

64:02 Having himself received mercy, he will be able to stand in the judgment that otherwise would overwhelm him. The merciless man reveals he's never apprehended God's mercy to himself. But the man who by a merciful character proves his mercy to himself, proves his having a vital faith in God's mercy, is through Christ safe and can face the coming judgment with a blissful sense of safety. So, if you're tempted to be tight-fisted, Pharisaic, narrow-hearted, take a good swig of this potent potion made up of the golden rule, the law of equal returns, and the threat of judgment without mercy.

Exhortation to Parents and Church Members

64:47 And I think with a good dose of that in your spiritual belly, you'll be able to say to a brother or sister who manifests in the judgment of charity any degree of true repentance and grief and sorrow for his sin, I cheerfully, freely, lovingly forgive you for Christ's sake. So I've given a word of observation, a word of caution, just a quick word of exhortation to parents and church members. This truth needs to be applied to our families and to our church life. It needs to be applied individually, corporately, in our families.

65:31 Parents, don't be conned by your clever children who are little histrionics. You know what histrionic is? Of and pertaining to the stage. Some of you have children that could make it in Hollywood.

65:46 They are devious little actors and actresses. Some of them may not be so little. But usually the histrionic ones show it very early. And I mean, they can act almost as well as Shirley Temple.

66:00 When you watch a Shirley Temple movie, I just sit there and I'm absolutely blown away that that little girl could act as well as she did. But then you see some kids, very young, oh, they know how to put on all the...

66:13 Don't be conned. Cry to God for discernment to be able to pick up the nuances of what truth is. True brokenness is in your children. Lest on the one hand you discourage them by not accepting their expressions of repentance, or you case-harden them into thinking they can con the world because they can con you.

66:41 You say, boy, that's a razor's edge, isn't it? Yeah, it is. That's why you need the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom. You need to soak your soul in your Bible.

66:49 And you don't have little pat rules for each one of your kids. They're all...

66:54 Different in the way they respond to being confronted. It's different in every case. And we need to cry to God for the help of His Spirit, and that is true. Likewise, in church life.

67:07 Remember the Corinthian situation.

67:11 God gave discernment to the Corinthians and to the Apostle to know when it was time to shower on the forgiveness, when it was time to hold back on the forgiveness. And there's no volume that can give us all of the particulars. We're shut up to God and to the ministry of the Spirit and to being tethered to our Bibles. And then, in closing, how can a preacher preach on forgiveness and sin and not hold up the wonder of God's forgiveness in Christ?

The Wonder of God's Forgiveness in Christ

67:46 You see, behind all of the biblical doctrine of forgiveness that we extend to one another is the marvelous reality that the God of Heaven who has a controversy with everything, who has a controversy with everything, with every one of us by nature, He's angry with the wicked every day. And yet the God who has righteous anger against sinners is the God who so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. And He comes to us in the Gospel with the most reasonable of terms. And He says, In my beloved Son I have provided a forgiveness suited to the vilest of sinners.

68:23 When I read that verse in the section that people are so often troubled about, the unpardonable sin, they glance over what is one of the most marvelous statements of God's forgiveness. All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven the sons of men.

68:41 In Christ is a sufficient atonement for the vilest of sin and for the vilest of sinners. And God comes on the most reasonable terms and He says to the sinner, Own the sin that put my son to death. Own the sin that caused his sweaty bloody sweat drops in Gethsemane. Own the sin that caused the heavens to be shrouded in black. Own the sin that caused him to cry my God, my God why have you forsaken me? Own the sin that will drag you to hell if you die with that sin still charged to your account. Own the sin. Turn from the life of self will and self-centeredness which has only brought you frustration and misery and cast yourselves upon the one who said my yoke is easy, my burden is light. Come

69:47 unto me and I will give you rest. What reasonable terms to have God's forgiveness. Own the thing that will damn you. Turn from the course of life that can only bring you frustration now and terrible horrific suffering forever.

70:09 And throw yourself upon a gracious savior. Isn't it madness that you would not seek to have God's forgiveness on such gracious terms? Isn't it? Isn't it madness?

70:24 It's madness. Oh my unconverted boy or girl, young man or woman, whoever, wherever you be, may God grant that our contemplation of our forgiveness one to another will point us upward and outward to the wonder and the glory of God's forgiveness in Christ. And may you lay hold of him in whom that forgiveness is to be found. Let's pray.

70:57 Our Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you that it is a lamp to our feet and a light to our pathway. Seal that word to our hearts today. Help us in our dealings one with another to think and to act biblically. Oh God, deliver us from all of the mushiness of this touchy, feely, unprincipled generation. Keep us from the wretched abuses of a pharisaic spirit, a narrow judgmental, unforgiving, unmerciful heart. Oh God, make us men and women full of the spirit whose fruit is love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness. Oh God, bless your word. Use

71:47 it to our profit and to your praise. We ask in Jesus' name. Amen.