Christian Fellowship (9) What is Love? (6)

Introduction: The Context of Love and Unseemliness

0:03 The following message was delivered on Sunday morning, December 12, 1993, at the Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey. May I encourage you to turn in your Bibles to the Gospel according to Luke, as I read in your hearing a passage that we will consider in the unfolding of the ministry of the Word this morning, Luke chapter 7, and I shall begin reading at verse 36, and read through to the end of the chapter. Luke chapter 7, beginning with verse 36.

0:53 The hymn in verse 36 is the Lord Jesus.

0:58 And one of the Pharisees desired him that he would eat with him. And he entered into the Pharisee's house and sat down to meet, or better rendered, reclined at table. And behold, a woman who was in the city, a sinner. And when she knew that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee's house, she brought faster crews of ointment, or perhaps better rendered, expensive, exotic perfume.

1:35 And standing behind at his feet, weeping, she began to... She began to wet his feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the expensive perfume.

1:54 And the Pharisee that had bidden him saw it, and baked within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have perceived who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him, that she is a sinner. And Jesus answering, said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto you. And he saith, Teacher, say on. A certain lender had two debtors, five hundred denarii and the other fifty.

2:34 And when they had not wherewith to pay, he forgave them both. Which of them, therefore, will love him most? Simon answered and said, He, I suppose, to whom he forgave the most. And he said unto him, I have rightly judged.

2:56 And turning to the woman, he said unto Simon, Do you see this woman entered into your house, and gave me no water for my feet? But she has wetted my feet with her tears, and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss my feet. And with oil you did not anoint.

3:30 He has anointed my feet with this expensive perfume. For sins which are many are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth. And he said unto her, Your sins are forgiven.

3:58 And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that even forgives sins? And he said unto her, Yet unto the woman, your faith has saved you. In peace, let us again seek the face of God for that blessing of the Holy Spirit upon the preacher and upon each of us who receive the word, that that word may come not in word only but in power and in the Holy Spirit and in much.

4:40 Holy Father, we are thankful as we stand again on the threshold of another season of examination of your word, that we have that sure word of promise from the very lips of our Savior who cannot lie, that if we who are evil know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will you, the heavenly, the holy, the trustworthy Father in heaven, give the Holy Spirit to those who ask. And we therefore come, Lord, to you. And we therefore come, Lord, to you. And we therefore come, Lord, to you.

5:18 And we therefore come, Lord, to you. And we therefore come, Lord, to you. Leaning the whole weight of our souls upon your goodness, your faithfulness, your delight to bless the unworthy sons and daughters of men, O Lord, grant us the spirit, we pray, that he may rest in copious measures upon preacher and hearer alike, that together we may, according to the promise read earlier in this hour of worship, that he may rest in grace upon all who come to the service of your word. That we may know his ministry taking of the things of Christ and revealing them to us with power.

5:57 Amen. Hear our cry, O GOD, we pray, as we throw ourselves upon your sustaining mercy through Jesus Christ our Lord. R wallows our crying, O GOD, with Your grace for our participation and healing.

6:11 Point of morning for 2 o'clock, our national events we will continue this morning our careful consideration of the secret-inspired description of how love acts pieces of liberty has to be singled out in the flesh. that David worshiped Jesus before we pray. acts and reacts, what it does and does not do, the very description given to us in 1 Corinthians 13, verses 4 through 7. And those of you who have been following the expositions will know that we are giving careful consideration to this passage, because in the course of examining

6:50 the biblical teaching on corporate church fellowship as a means of grace, we have discovered that such fellowship can only be experienced in a climate of genuine love and brotherly affection among the people of God. And we are concerned to know how we can assess both the presence and the actings of this love.

7:20 According to Romans 13, 8 to 10, the first standard is that of the precepts of God. According to John 13, 34 and 35, the pattern and example of Christ is the second standard and then thirdly, we must evaluate whether or not we are truly loving one another by

8:01 the principles of 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 7. And in the course of opening up these verses, we came last Lord's Day to the words of 1 Corinthians 13 and verse 5, in which we are told that love...

Defining 'Unseemly' and 'Common Grace'

8:22 That love which is the fruit of the Spirit, that love which in its interaction with the brethren in our present imperfect state, is a love that does not behave itself seemly. And in that initial study of these words last Lord's Day morning, we considered first a basic explanation of the meaning of the words. The apostle wrote, love does not behave itself unseemly, what was contained in that central

9:04 verb unseemly, and love not behaving itself in such a way. And we saw that the basic idea conveyed in that word is that love will not allow us to act in defiance of or indifference to righteous social or moral standards. Love does not act rudely, disgracefully, dishonorably or indecently. As Leon Morris expressed it in his commentary on this very text, a general

9:44 term and has a wide range of meaning. So after seeking to ascertain the basic concept bound up in the word, love does not behave itself unseemly, what was contained in that central verb unseemly, I began secondly to address what I called a broad application of the text. In that broad application we are wrestling with the question in what areas and in what ways will love not behave itself unseemly. And we had time to touch only upon one specific category of concern.

10:25 And we studied together the two. The truth that love does not behave itself unseemly with respect to the differences of age, rank, relationship and position which exists in the will of God. And in opening up that aspect of the broad application of the text, we carefully studied John 13, 13 and 14, Matthew 3, 13 and 14, 1 Samuel 12, and Matthew 3, 13 and 14, and Matthew 3, 13 and 14, and Matthew 3, 13 and 14, and Matthew 3, 13 and 14, and Matthew 3, 13 and 14, and Matthew 3, 13 and 14, and Matthew 3, 13, and Matthew 5, verse 11 and 24, 1 to 7, and 1 Timothy 5, 1 to 3. Brief reference was made to 1 Timothy 6, 1 and 2, 1 Peter 3, 1 to 7, and Romans

11:09 13, 1 to 8. And the best summary I can give by way of review is that with which I closed last week the words of Matthew Henry commenting on this text, Love does not behave itself unseemly with respect to the differences of age, rank, relationship and position which

11:26 Matthew Henry wrote, Love is not for breaking order, confounding ranks, bringing all men on to a level plane,

12:05 but for keeping up the distinctions God has made between men, and acting decently in its own station, minding its own business, without taking upon it to mend or censure or despise the conduct of others. Love will do nothing that misbecomes it. And now this morning I want us to take up a second broad application of the text. For surely if love does not behave itself unseemly,

12:44 with respect to the differences of age and rank and relationship which exist in the will of God, it is equally clear that love does not behave itself unseemly with respect to the social customs which exist and operate the common grace of God. Love does not behave itself unseemly with respect to the social customs which exist and operate the common grace of God. Now I admit at the outset,

13:28 that there will be a lot of people who will say, that there will be certain ideas set before you today that to some of you will be relatively new. I have labored to make them first of all simple, and above all biblical. But I cannot think for you, I've done all the thinking I can do up to this hour, to analyze, to reduce these matters to their simplest common denominators, to express them in terms that I hope are marked, by clarity, to illustrate them. But I say again, I cannot do your thinking for you.

14:06 And I urge you in the language of Peter to gird up the loins of your mind. In the language of Proverbs to be prepared to hunt for this aspect of divine truth as for hid treasure, and to search for it as though it were fine gold. When the Apostle wrote in this passage, When the Apostle wrote in this passage, When the Apostle wrote in this passage, When the Apostle wrote in this passage, very broad and general terminology, love does not behave itself unseemly in the broad application of the text. That truth finds expression not only with respect to the differences of age and rank and position,

14:50 which exists in the will of God, but with respect to the social customs which exist, and operate in the will of God. But with respect to the social customs which exist, and operate in the will of God, but with respect to the social customs which exist, and operate in the will of God, but with respect to the social customs which exist, and operate in the will of God, by the common grace of God. Now I want to begin with definition. I have used two realities, or named two realities which warrant some definition.

15:14 I've used the terms social customs and common grace. By those terms you will miss the whole thrust of the message. So let me spend a moment in definition in reverse order. What do I mean by the common grace of God?

Defining 'Social Customs'

15:39 This is a theological term, not a biblical term, but a theological term used to describe the non-saving influence which God exerts upon men, which has both a negative and a positive result. Negatively, it restrains men from acting out to the full, their potential for sin. That every man, every woman, every boy or girl, every son and daughter of Adam,

16:15 does not become a veritable beast is due only to the common grace of God. And common grace is that influence that falls short of regenerating, or saving, or special grace, by which God restrains men from acting out to the full the potential of their sinful inclinations and their depraved natures. He does this by various means.

16:53 You have a reference in 2 Thessalonians 2, 6 and 7 to one who restrains and who will continue to restrain, until he be taken, out of the way. Romans 13 indicates that human government is a means which God uses by placing fear in the hearts of men, that they shall be punished for certain evil deeds, should they commit them. Positively, God's common grace confers upon sinful men the capacity to do good and to benefit

17:37 their fellow men. One of the very texts I quoted in our prayer. If you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children. Why do non-regenerate fathers give good things to their children?

17:57 Well, it is an acting of common grace that confers upon sinful men the capacity to do good. The care that is going on in their lives. going on in hospitals at this very hour where unregenerate men are genuinely concerned to help others in their physical plight. Is that good or not good? Is that good or evil? Well, in terms of

18:23 earning merit unto salvation, of course, nothing that we do is in that sense a good work. But in terms of alleviating the open wounds and sores and the crippling ills of humanity, there are manifold good works done in this world by unregenerate men. And so when I speak of the common grace of God, this is the thing to which I'm making reference. In an excellent article on common grace in Baker's Theological Dictionary, there is this very brief introduction.

19:02 It's an introductory statement that I find very helpful. Whereas special grace regenerates the hearts of men, common grace does two things. Restrains the destructive process of sin within mankind in general. There's the negative influence. And secondly, enables men, though not born again,

19:27 to develop the latent forces of the universe and thus make a positive contribution to the fulfillment of the cultural mandate given to men through the first man, Adam, in paradise. Subdue the earth, replenish it. We did not wait for regenerate men to harness the forces that would give us the electricity that will illuminate this building this morning. We have not had scruples to see if it were regenerate men who designed comfortable pews and on and on.

20:02 We could go. We have not asked if all the tunes to which we have sung our hymns were composed by regenerate men. And yet the music that reflects something of the order and the symmetry that is in God himself, surely is a gift of God's common grace. So when I say that love does not behave itself unseemly with respect to social customs which exist and operate by the common grace of God. This is what I mean by the

20:41 common grace of God. That positive exertion of God's gracious influence. He both restrains men from being as bad as they could and would be without that restraint. He enables them to do that which is positively good in his world. Now I've used the second term social and what do I mean by

21:11 that? Well simply this. In all societies and cultures regardless of how we might place them on the scale of the highly cultured to the more primitive and uncultured there are numerous systems or practices both verbal and non-verbal. Which comprise in that particular cultural setting what would be regarded as good manners or proper

21:44 etiquette practices constitute the symbols of respect for appreciation of and serenity to the other members that society. And every society has its symbols by the way of which is good manners or proper etiquette practices constitute the symbols of respect for appreciation of and sense of to the other members that society. And every society has its symbols by by which those within that society manifest respect for one another, manifest appreciation of one another, and sensitivity to one another. Were you in England on an occasion when you might be introduced to the Queen,

22:28 and you were aware of what was expected of you if you were a woman, you would not simply stretch out your hand and give her a firm handshake and say, Howdy, Queen, Mother, how you doing today? No, you would stretch out your hand and give a warm but restrained handshake, and if you were a woman, you would give a very little curtsy. I've seen that on British television, just a little curtsy. If you were a man, you would stretch out your hand, you would bow slightly from the waist, and your head would go down, you would acknowledge submission to your Queen.

23:10 If you were to meet a Prime Minister Major, you would stick out your hand and give him a more warm, hearty, energetic handshake. If you were a woman, you wouldn't curtsy. If you were a man, you wouldn't bow. Within that society, there is an understanding of those symbols, verbal and non-verbal, which, reflect the good manners and the proper etiquette of that society, and these are not a bunch of nonsensical, arbitrary elements that we are free to jettison as we will.

23:52 No, they are the symbol of appreciation and sensitivity, and they exist in a fallen world as an expression the common grace of God without which this world would become a veritable hell on earth Russell wrote love does not behave itself seemly having engaged in

Demonstration from the Life and Teaching of Jesus (Luke 7)

24:34 definition to move secondly to demonstration that when he wrote love does not behave itself on us that included in that dimension of loves activity are the social customs which exist within the framework of the common grace moving now from definition to demonstration I want you to consider with me first of all the key passage with respect to the pattern of realization

25:17 and teaching of the Lord Jesus. Let it be clearly shown, can I legitimately attempt to bind the consciences of the people of God in this place to a commitment to be as mannerly and as knowledgeable in proper manners and etiquette as it is reasonably possible to attain and to exercise that knowledge in appropriate verbal and non-verbal symbols. I'm going after your conscience with the Word of God and I tell you that at the outset. And the key passage

26:01 with respect to this matter in the life and teaching of the Lord Jesus said in your hearing, while it would be relatively easy to highlight a number of incidents in the life of our Lord who was love incarnate, demonstrating that love does not behave itself unseemly. And I say by way of an aside, it has been a blessing to me to review our Lord's life looking for those indications of that principle. And they lie like diamonds scattered on a field throughout the gospel records. When we first behold Him as a twelve-year-old,

26:45 He is able to interact with adults in such a way that the world is not a place for us. The scripture says not that they were offended at His youthful cheekiness. They were amazed at the penetrating depths of His questions and His answers as He went down and was subject unto Joseph. And from that first picture of our Lord as a twelve-year-old expressing,

27:21 interacting with older men in such a way that though He caused amazement, with His insights, He caused no offense.

27:33 Cheeky, youthful, boorishness that did not show respect to the grey beards at the temple.

27:42 He was well-mannered. And therefore, when it says He went back to Joseph and to Mary and was subject to them, what's the summation of what happened in those silent years? He continued to grow in wisdom, in stature, in favor, with God, among other things, to a careful absorption of all of the verbal and non-verbal social customs

28:26 that would make Him impeccably good-mannered or well-mannered and a master of the etiquette appropriate for any situation in Palestine. So that as a full-grown man, He can be the guest of honor in a wealthy home amongst people well-heeled and there's no indication that either he or they felt uncomfortable at the social level, Luke chapter 5. And yet He can stand in the presence of an immoral woman and while pointing out her sin and calling her to repentance,

29:10 do so in such a way that does not unnecessarily shame her in front of others.

29:19 And all the moment when hanging upon a cross that concern for His own earthly mother Mary passes on to John the responsibility of His care in every situation in which we find our blessed Lord, we find Him manifesting the love that never behaved itself unseemly. But it is in this particular passage that I believe we have the clearest expression of this principle from the example and words of our Lord Jesus, Luke chapter 7,

30:02 and I'd ask you to turn there with me if you will please.

30:09 The general setting of the passage is clear. Jesus is an invited guest in the house of a Pharisee named Simon. Verse 36, one of the Pharisees desired him that he would eat with him. Later on in the passage, you'll remember that he underscores the fact that he was indeed an invited guest.

30:38 Verse 39, now when the Pharisee that had bidden him saw it. So Jesus was no late minute gate crasher to this meal. He was an invited guest to the meal.

30:54 When he comes in to sit or to recline at the table, in oriental fashion, who was in the city, a sinner, and knew that he was there, brought an alabaster cruise of expensive exotic perfume. We don't know if she was invited. And the commentators differ as to what place, if any such kind of people would have had in this setting. But one thing we know is that this notoriously sinful woman, whether she was that, up until just a few days before, whether there had been a moral blot upon her years ago, and she carried about, as it were,

31:39 the scarlet letter upon her forehead, of that, we don't know, but all we know is she was a notoriously sinful woman, and whether invited or uninvited, she goes directly to the place where the Lord Jesus is reclining, and she does three things. She washes his feet with her tears and wipes off the residue with her hair. I originally wrote in my notes, dried them. No, she wiped off the mud that was made with her tears.

32:13 She wiped it off with her hair, willing to have her hair let down in public and caked, as it were, with the mud that her tears would make as the tears mingled with the dirt on our Lord's feet.

32:31 Secondly, she prayed, profusely kissed his now clean feet. The Greek is emphatic. She did not just plant one furtive kiss, but she fervently, repeatedly kissed his feet, and then she anointed his feet with the expensive perfume.

32:53 The Pharisee who invited him was offended at this action, but his offense had not broken out into anything other than conscious thoughts. Notice it says, he spake within himself, saying he was talking to himself at the mental level. And the Lord Jesus reads his thoughts and then parable to this man about two people, one who had a debt of 500 denarii and the other 50 denarii, and neither of them could pay it back, but the one to whom they owed the debt freely forgave them both. There was an act of grace

33:37 extended to both. The one who owed the 50, the one who owed the 500, and then the punchline comes when Jesus asks the question in verse 42, which of them therefore will love him most? Which will love the benefactor most? Simon responds saying, I suppose the one who had the most forgiven.

34:05 I suppose, 43, to whom he forgave the most. And he, Jesus, said unto him, Simon, you have rightly judged. Now get the principle. Here's the central core of the lesson.

34:23 That the one with the greatest sense of forgiveness will have the greatest measure of love to the forgiver. That's the central lesson. But now our Lord's going to make an application of that. That lesson in verse 44.

34:41 Now this is where I ask you to follow closely.

34:46 To the woman, he said unto Simon, he's looking at the woman, but now he's going to address Simon. It's as though I say now I'm turning to the people here on the left side from where I'm standing in the pulpit, but I'm speaking to you over here on the right side. You on the right side, listen to me while I look to these on the left. He fixes his eyes upon the woman and he begins to, speak to Simon and said, I have somewhat to say unto you.

35:14 And then he gives the parable. Then turning to the woman, he says, verse 44, Simon, do you see this woman? I entered into your house. You gave me no water for my feet.

35:30 She has wetted my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss. But she, since the time I came in, has not. Cease to kiss much my feet.

35:45 My head with oil you did not anoint, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto you, her sins which are many are forgiven, for she loved much.

36:03 She is forgiven the same, loveth little. What's the point of this section of the passage? Well, first of all, Jesus was very much aware of the social customs which would normally be given to an invited guest in such a setting. He knew precisely what social customs were appropriate to that situation.

36:28 He knew that there should be water for the feet, a common courtesy, a kiss welcoming a friend, and the oil that was used in festive occasions and conferred upon the head of every guest. He knew precisely the current customs should have been manifested to him in that set of circumstances. He knew what they were. Secondly, he was offended that they were not given to him.

37:06 He wasn't petulant, but he was offended that they were not given to him. He's bringing an accusation to Simon,

37:17 this Pharisee. This Pharisee was a cultured man. He nimbles for regard.

37:31 Lord Jesus should have been manifested. But he withheld them. Perhaps out of a motive of fear of what his fellow Pharisees would think if he extended even the common courtesies. I don't know.

37:45 The scripture is silent. But one thing is clear. Jesus knew what social customs were appropriate. And he rebuked Simon for withholding them and now here's the crunch.

37:59 He indicts Simon saying it is your lovelessness rooted in the absence of a sense of indebtedness or forgiveness that caused you to withhold these common courtesies. In contrast to this woman, she has loved much. She has come to me as a forgiven sinner. As a forgiven sinner.

38:29 And as a forgiven sinner, her tears, no doubt mingled tears of repentance and gratitude, they have washed the dirt from my feet. And with no towel at her disposal, she's been willing to undergo what in isolation would be unseemly for a woman. She's let her hair down to make her hair the towel. She's discarded normal propriety.

38:59 Normal propriety. Out of passionate love for my forgiving grace. This woman, this woman, do you see her? She has wetted my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

39:15 You gave me no kiss, but she has profusely smothered my feet with her kisses expressing not mere formality of friendship, but deep attachment of love and affection. And furthermore, she's done far, far more than take a little common oil that could be bought at bargain prices at the local supermarket and poured a little symbolically upon my head to indicate a festive occasion. She's taken this sealed cruise of ointment, expensive ointment, and she's broken off its neck. She's poured it upon my feet saying, in essence, this is all I'm worth in terms of what the world would call

39:59 my capital asset. But I joyfully pour them out upon the feet of my Savior.

40:08 And the connection Jesus makes is that it was her love that supplied the want of the social graces that should have been shown to him by Simon.

40:23 Now, do you see, by way of application,

40:27 love does not behave itself unseemly? Is genuine love in our hearts one to another? What will it make us do? It will make us be aware of the social customs which indicate respect for, appreciation of, and sensitivity to others, and will not willfully refuse from confirming those social customs upon those whom we love.

41:05 You say, ah, but can't people do it hypocritically?

41:09 They can do it hypocritically.

41:14 They're people. They're people. Are restrained from their tolerance to one another. Far better a world where half the people express the unwritten canons of social decorum out of hypocrisy or hope for personal gain and base motives than a society in which every man is a law to himself and acts as though there were no other human being upon the face of the earth.

41:43 Prepared to say the Lord Jesus was a saint, a social fuddy-duddy. He knew when they were withheld, and yet he was without sin. It didn't for him to be offended. No.

42:08 It was righteous disappointment.

42:13 And he says it was an indication of the absence of love. Why? Because love does not behave itself.

Personal Illustration: Social Customs in Pakistan

42:27 May I illustrate this from personal experience?

42:30 In 1975, I made my first trip to Pakistan. And you talk about culture shock. The long plane ride was enough. And not even knowing whether I was going to be able to get into the country was enough.

42:45 Because someone told me in New York I need to have a special visa. The missionary said, no, you don't need it. And they refused it in New York. And then my passport was actually stamped, refused.

42:55 And what's going to happen when I show up at the airport? He said, well, trust God. Well, I didn't know whether it was trusting God or tempting God. But I said, well, the elders encouraged me to go and the missionary did.

43:05 And I was whisked right through. And here I was, punchy from that long plane ride and all this apprehension. Got a couple hours sleep. And before I knew it, I was on a train for a 400-mile train ride up north.

43:19 And had not been sitting on the train long and it was like a cattle car. Arif can verify these things with people packed in everywhere. At the station, I mean, they're literally pushing people in the windows, tumbling in all over the place. I mean, it is a sight to behold.

43:35 I hope I don't make our brother homesick.

43:38 And I was squeezed in on this hard bench on the train and it had not been long in our journey when a man to my right, the missionary was sitting to my left and he had entered into some conversation, knew that he was a Muslim. But he unpacked the lunch and very kindly offered me a half of a sandwich. Well, he was sitting to my right. It would have been awkward to reach this way and naturally being left-handed, I reached across to take the sandwich on my left hand.

44:07 The missionary grabbed my hand and pulled it back, whispered, in my ear, don't take any food with your left hand. I said, okay, do what you tell me. So I reached and took it with my right hand. And I very dutifully, after giving thanks to God quietly, began to eat my food.

44:24 And then, that was the year before I had back surgery, so I had been struggling with problems with my back and that bench got so hard I wanted some relief. So I started to cross my right leg over like this. The missionary slapped my foot and said, you never show the bottom of your foot in Pakistan. I said, okay, I won't show the bottom of my foot in Pakistan.

44:45 So I dutifully sat like a soldier going off to war in the troop training. Now, I didn't know why I shouldn't take with my left hand, why I shouldn't sit with my legs crossed. But obviously, the missionary knew there were certain social customs in that context which if I did not quickly become aware of them and in love accommodate myself to them, I'd lose all my credibility.

45:15 So I submitted to him no explanations at the time, but then they came later and he told me that in that culture, since the left hand is used for matters of personal hygiene, it's considered offensive to use it to touch food. And since you're living in a context where, as in the Middle East, the feet can get very dirty and often animals are walking free and one could actually be picking up bits of cow dung or goat dung and the rest, that you would be showing that which was not just dirty in terms of what we would call dirty as opposed to clean, but that which is unclean in the religious and ceremonial sense and therefore it's insulting.

45:58 Well, you see, those were the social customs in that setting which if I did not seek to become aware of them and bring myself subject to them, what I would say with my mouth would be greatly neutralized because they would say, if that man had any love for us, he would wash his feet,

46:27 anoint his head. You see the point? That people instinctively sense that to be insensitive and boorish with respect to these matters is a manifestation of a lack of love. And then I quickly learned that when I would greet a man, I just didn't give him a hearty handshake and grab his elbow like I do.

46:51 That there were four stages to it. You start with the handshake, embrace over one shoulder, embrace over the other, and then sort of gently back away with an easier handshake. I learned that very quickly. And then I also learned I don't embrace women.

47:05 That I just bow and greet them this way and the little girls, I could touch them on the forehead like an older man giving a blessing. Well, those were the social...

47:14 You say, well, that's silly!

47:31 Regard one another! Sensitivity to one another! Unseemly, I could make three or four gestures right now that if anyone makes them to you, they fill you with disgust and anger. They are gestures which have vulgar, filthy connotations in our society.

48:01 And the love that does not behave itself unseemly would never engage in the use of those gestures because they are the opposite of showing respect, sensitivity to and appreciation of one another. And what is loving my neighbor as myself if I do not respect him? If I do not show sensitivity to him, if I do not acknowledge how my actions affect him?

Demonstration from the Life of Abraham (Genesis 18)

48:38 And our Lord Jesus Christ understood this. And he manifested in this passage the great example that love does not behave itself unseemly, with respect to the social customs that exist in the common grace of God. But then very quickly, that's the watershed passage I want to consider with me as I continue to demonstrate the validity of this principle. An illustrative incident from the life of Abraham, the father of all believers.

49:16 Genesis 18. Very quickly now, Genesis chapter 18. Here is the man to whom God is already appeared, beginning back in chapter 12. He's told him to get out from his father's land.

49:35 He has promised that he will become a father of nations. He has promised that kings shall come from his loins. He has promised that in him all the nations of the earth shall be blessed. Now imagine if you were walking around with promises like that tucked in your pocket and signed by Jehovah.

49:53 That you had been singled out for such singular things. For such singular blessings. You might think, well with such a privileged position I'm above the little mundane picayune matters of please and thank you and opening the door for ladies. But look at Abraham.

50:12 Genesis 18. And Jehovah appeared unto him by the oaks of Mamre as he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day. He lifted up his eyes and looked and lo, three men stood over against him and when he saw them, he ran, to meet them from the tent door and bowed himself to the earth and said, My Lord, if now I found favor in thy sight, pass not away, I pray thee, from thy servant. Let now a little water be fetched and washed your feet and rest yourselves under the tree and I will fetch a morsel of bread and strengthen ye your heart.

50:55 After that you shall pass on for as much as ye are come to your servant. And they said, So do as thou hast said. And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah and said, Warm up some old crusty buns in the microwave. No.

51:12 He said, Rest here and I'll give you a little morsel of bread. There was that eastern modesty. You see, come in and I'll just give you a wee snack. But what did he tell Sarah to do?

51:25 What did he do? He hastened to the tent unto Sarah and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal. Knead it and make cakes. And Abraham ran unto the herd.

51:37 He ran unto the herd. Fetched a calf tender and good. Can you see him just going through among his calves and finding one that he thought would just be the best at that time? And what did he do?

51:50 He hasted to dress it. Gave it to his servant. He hasted to dress it. He took butter and milk and the calf which he had dressed.

51:57 This gave the cholesterol more. It gave him a little nuts fits. But nonetheless he did it and set it before them. And he stood by them under the tree and they did eat.

52:07 Beautiful picture. Here's Abraham. The man who'd been the recipient of direct revelation from God. God speaking directly to this man.

52:17 Taking him out of a land of idolatry. Marking him out as the father of all believers and the one who would be ultimately the father of all believers and the one who would be ultimately the one who is said to be who's true seed is to be Christ himself. Galatians chapter 3. And yet with all of his wonderful privileges with all of his favored the love that did not behave itself unseemly but was very much aware of the customs and the social mores

53:01 that he had to follow those to show the respect to the angels that had come to visit them one of whom was none other than the angel of Jehovah. And it's interesting to look into some of the details we don't have time to do it. But the point is this. Someone may ask well that's fine Abraham did that he was living in a much gentler simple nomadic situation.

53:29 What's that have to do with me? What it has to do with you? If you claim to be a Christian read John 8 verse 39 with me. John 8 and verse 39 our Lord is interacting with the religious leaders.

53:45 And he says in verse 37 I know you are Abraham's seed yet you seek to kill me because my word has no free course in you. I speak the things which I have seen with my father and you do the things that you've seen with Abraham. Jesus said unto them if you were Abraham's children you would do the works of Abraham. If you were Abraham's true children if you were part of that promised seed that seed of divine sovereign electing grace that I have promised to give to Abraham you would do the works of Abraham and what are

54:30 one of the recorded works of Abraham? Not only rejoicing in Christ's day but showing a full acquaintance with and the determination to fully implement the social customs of his day that there might be no blot upon his character that he might manifest that he was truly a man of faith. Do you feel something of the weight of that text? If you were Abraham's children behave like Abraham and you will find that God

Demonstration from the Life of Paul (1 Corinthians 9)

55:09 was the one who graced you with his power to bring you ultimate spiritual salvation and that you God of peace shall be with you. He said in 1 Corinthians 11, One, be imitators of me as I also am of Christ. And one of the amazing things and amazing second only to our blessed Lord when we read the account of the great apostle's life

55:54 is that in every situation, whether meeting in a context with royalty or in a setting of a synagogue or in a context where there were pure pagans, he showed a sensitivity to social mores which endeared him to people and became, as it were, an open door for the proclamation of the gospel. And I don't have time to show all of the incidents from his arriving from shipwreck on that island, his decorum on the ship itself, his appearance and the manner in which he was dressed, his appearance and the manner in which he was dressed, these great heathen leaders before whom he stood

56:39 as a criminal on trial. In all of those situations we find him adapting to the social customs and mores that he might manifest the love that did not behave itself unseemly. And he summarizes his own perspective so beautifully in 1 Corinthians chapter 9 verses 19 and following. For though I was free from all men, I brought myself under bondage to all that I might gain the more.

57:16 To the Jews I became as a Jew and I knew what that would mean not only in terms of dietary rules and religious scruples, but in terms of social mores and standards. I did this that I might gain Jews.

57:37 To them that are under the law as under the law not being myself under the law that I might gain them that are under the law. To them that are without law as without law not being without law to God but under law to Christ that I might gain them that are without law. To the weak I became weak that I might gain the weak. I am become all things to all men that I may by all means save some.

58:05 And I do all things for the gospel's sake. What will make a man so accommodating to have to as it were push the buttons of his psyche that say in this setting now I must lock in to my manners and to the social mores of an orthodox Jew and I must conduct myself as one. He knew he was free from many of those things that were matters of indifference but he didn't go around and say I'm free in Christ take me the way I am like it. I got the gospel you're going to hell without it and if my Gentile manners offend you tough luck buddy.

58:42 That's the attitude many of in our day have. Not Paul.

58:48 He said the onus is on me in self denying love to accommodate myself to the Jew to the non Jew to those under the law those not under the law to what end that he might save some. He was by something bigger than his own personal convenience. It was a love that was seeking the well being of others. In nothing giving offense he could say that the gospel be not blamed and while I could produce many other examples examples from the life of Joseph

59:33 are profuse and fascinating. I want to close this morning having first of all sought to give a definition of what I meant by common grace and what I meant by these social customs. I've sought to demonstrate from the life of our Lord from the incident in the life of Abraham from the overall patterns of the life of Paul that love is not unseemly with respect to these social customs that exist in the common grace of God. Now from definition demonstration I want to conclude with exhortation.

Exhortation 1: Unseemliness Violates Love's Dictates

60:14 Exhortation number one settle in your heart and conscience that unseemliness in matters of manners and etiquette is a violation of love's dictates and love's directives. Settle it in your heart and conscience that unseemliness in matters of manners and etiquette is a violation of love's dictates and directives. And we are commanded in Romans 12, 9 and 10 to abound in the grace of unhypocritical love. Let love be without hypocrisy.

60:53 Abhor that which is evil. Cleave to that which is good. In love of the brethren be tenderly affectioned one to another in honor preferring one another. And one of the concrete ways we do that is to make ourselves aware of the social customs verbal and non-verbal that indicate respect for sensitivity to and consideration of one another.

61:22 Someone says, well, that will make us plastic and artificial and stilted. Was Jesus plastic and artificial and stilted? Was Paul plastic, artificial and stilted? Was Abraham plastic, artificial and stilted?

61:39 People can do that and just be hypocrites yes, that's right they can be hypocrites and be hypocrites but if you don't do it you bring into question the validity of your professed love for love does not behave itself unseemly.

Exhortation 2: Unseemliness Negates Christ's Redemptive End

61:55 Settle in your heart and conscience that unseemliness in matters of manners and etiquette is a violation of love's dictates. Secondly, settle in your heart and conscience that unseemliness in matters of manners and etiquette is a negation hear me now a negation of the end for which God is the Lord. Why did Christ die?

62:17 It is a negation of the end for which Christ died. Why did he die? Listen to the language of Titus chapter 2 Titus chapter 2 verse 12 Christ died for us to what end? The grace of God has appeared to what end?

62:36 Instructing us to the intent that denying ungodliness and worldly lust we should live soberly and righteously and godly in this present world looking for the blessing and the blessed hope and appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity all crookedness the crookedness of unseemly social behavior and purify to himself a people for his own possession zealous of good works even the good works of a love that does not behave itself unseemly of a love that will adapt to the social customs

63:20 that exist in the common grace of God and commend the gospel we proclaim to believe and to love Christ died to have a people zealous of good works good works in every realm as defined by scripture and to be indifferent to these matters is to negate the end for which Christ died we need to see the shadow of the cross over our table as we insist on proper table manners among our children and tell them Christ died to make us well mannered at our table

Exhortation 3: Unseemliness Erodes Our Calling as Light and Salt

64:00 and in teaching your sons the deference they ought to show to women you say Christ died to make a godly gentleman zealous of the good works of showing honor unto the woman as the weaker vessel settle in the house of God in your hearts and consciences that unseemliness in matters of etiquette and manners causes an erosion of our calling as the people of God it causes an erosion of our calling we're called upon to be the light of the world we're called upon to be the salt of the earth

64:44 and dear people I've lived long enough in my generation to see the horrible ordinary basic mannerliness and what's happened? we've got a society turned upon itself in brutality mutual exploitation the erosion of mutual confidence and trust in all kinds of levels of relationships and you and I are called to shine as light it only takes a few grains of salt to check the putrefaction you may be the only man in that office who will conduct himself

65:29 like a gentleman such a man! and people ask you why say my savior who loved me and died for me is it work in me to make him like himself and he was in every situation a gentleman this is not a matter dear people of trinity's finishing school this is a matter of being light and salt in this crooked and perverse generation and then my final exhortation is this settle it in your hearts and consciences consciences that unseemliness in matters of etiquette and manners that unseemliness in manners and etiquette

Exhortation 4: Unseemliness Leads to Grosser Violations of Love

66:12 may lead to much more gross and grievous violations of love may lead to much more gross and grievous violations of love you remember what Jesus said in luke sixteen nine and ten he that is faithful in little is faithful in much he that is unjust in little is unjust in much nobody's suggesting that the conduct that for years would allow men with no blush on their cheek to push their way into the already filling train car on the LIE, on the Long Island Railroad.

66:53 Nobody's suggesting that that boorishness of men to shove their way in front of women and push women aside and take seats while women are standing and not defer to them, that there's any connection between that and the wanton spraying of bullets that left five dead, that there well may be a much more intimate connection than we're willing to admit. For he that is unjust in little is unjust in much.

67:22 He that is faithful is faithful in much.

67:31 The connection between brutality with which some husbands treat their wives and the fact that they were allowed to treat their sisters with something less than proper social decorum could well be. Little seeds, lacorns, have ways of growing into big bushes and into oak trees. Dear parents, don't treat lightly this text. Love does not behave itself unseemly.

68:03 And pray that you as a Christian parent will be filled with the Spirit and apply yourself diligently to be as knowledgeable of those social customs that exist and operate by the common grace of God as you can be. Exemplify them in your own life and graciously. But uncompromisingly impose them upon your household as long as anyone's under your roof.

68:36 As for me and my house, we, the Lord who demands the love that does not behave itself unseemly. On the one hand, I would rather you be uncouth, coarse, vulgar, but converted, than polite, genteel, gracious, and lost.

69:07 But I'd much rather see you. Truly. Truly converted to Christ. And then become polite, genteel, gracious.

69:17 I wonder if these words sound so old-fashioned you're ready to suggest to the deacons and elders maybe I be put out to pasture. Would you dare to pray, you young men and women? Oh, God, make me a godly, sensitive, Christian gentleman.

69:39 How about it, guys? A prayer like that sounds like it's coming from outer space. In the day. When you say something.

69:48 Hey, yo, guys. Century. But does not show respect.

70:07 Oh, God, make of me a godly, sensitive, Christian gentleman. What about you, young ladies? You prepared to pray, oh, God, make me a godly, sensitive, Christian. And look up the meaning of lady in the dictionary.

70:27 And one of its primary meanings, a lady is a woman known and marked. By. Her good manners and her proper etiquette have been dignified, bearing and demeanor. It's reported by one of the commentators that a little girl prayed one day and her mommy overheard her, oh, God, make all the bad people good and Lord, please make all the good people nice.

71:04 Lord, make all the bad people good and please make all the good people nice. What was she praying? She had seen a lot of, quote, good people. People who weren't nice.

71:19 She in the judgment of charity was regarding them as good as true Christians. But they had many areas that were unseemly. And she was praying God would make them nice. May God grant that this congregation will be marked by a people whose love in its expression one to another will be a love that not only suffers long in its kind, a love that does not envy.

Closing Prayer

71:46 A love that does not indulge in boastful bragging. Is not inflated with a sense of its own importance, but a love that does not behave itself unseemly with respect to matters of age, rank, position, relationship, and with respect to the social customs that exist and operate in the common grace of God. Let us pray. Father.

72:25 We confess. I confess. That in addressing these issues, I have felt as though I were trying to hold back a flood from the ocean with my bare hands. You know, oh God, the grievous, frightening erosion of the manifestations of your common grace in this area.

72:52 The social customs and manners that at one time made life so much more bearable. And we pray that you'd help us. As a body of your people, not to be conformed to the spirit of this age, but transformed by the renewing of our minds. May we be the true children of Abraham doing the works of Abraham.

73:16 Above all, may we be like our Lord Jesus. That we may be able to move in any company, in any society, and there send forth the signals and adapt the symbols of deference and respect. And that we may be able to move in any company, in any society, and there send forth the signals, and adapt the symbols of deference and respect. And honor.

73:33 That we might commend the gospel in all things. Write this word upon our hearts by your mighty power we plead. In Jesus name. Amen.