Needs of the Single People in the Congregation

Introduction to the Peculiar Needs of Singles and the Church's Approach

0:04 Those of you who attend this class regularly know, and this word of explanation is just for the visitors, this class is generally given to a very structured, systematic study of the Word of God. Presently, Mr. Garlington is leading us in a study of Paul's letter to the Romans, but in the few occasions when I have the opportunity of leading the class, I generally do so within a framework of an open-ended discussion in which questions are entertained from the class and then we seek to wrestle with those questions with open Bibles before us. Well, I trust after not too many minutes, there will be open discussion, but not of the subject that you are introducing, but one which I am introducing with the direction and consent of my fellow elders. And so, as we do introduce the subject, I want to say something, first of all, by way of the subject that we will be discussing. And it's what I'm calling our awareness of the peculiar needs of the single men and women in our congregation, the peculiar needs of our single men and women in the congregation. One of the biblical principles which we hold very dear as a body of God's people is that

1:26 the Scripture seems very clearly to teach that when God brings His people together, He brings them together so that the... The entire body of God's people may, in its interaction with itself, be a means of corporate edification.

1:43 This is clearly taught in such passages as Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12, Ephesians chapter 4, and it's because of this very fact that we have avoided and resisted at times very forcefully any pressures which would fragment our congregation and insulate any segment of the congregation. The congregation from the rest of congregational life. Some of you perhaps have come out of churches or had past association with churches in which you had all kinds of structures with insulated relationships, so that you had the young married couples who had their own socials and their own Bible studies, and then you had the intermediate married couples, and then the older married couples, and then you had the young young people and the not so young people. And you have all of these churches within the church functioning in such a way that they are practically insulated from interaction with one another. And this is a contradiction of the concept that within the body of Christ, all of the members need each other, so that the young receive something from their interaction with the old that they cannot receive just interacting with each other. And conversely, the old receive benefits from the young, etc.

3:05 Well, that biblical concept, I say, we have tried desperately to maintain in our life and ministry together as the people of God. But we are conscious that there are groups within the congregation that have particular needs which perhaps either cannot or are not being met in the less structured relationship that we have encouraged, and as elders we attempt to be sensitive to those needs. Now, it was in the light of the Bible that we were able to find a way to maintain that of our concern, to be sensitive to some of the peculiar needs of the single men and women amongst us, that on the evening of March 16th, all of your elders, with the exception of one, met with some thirty single men and women downstairs for a couple of hours to discuss some of these peculiar needs which our single men and women have, and to wrestle with the question, what can be done to address ourselves to the Lord? What can we do to address those needs without violating the larger biblical principle? In other words, one of the issues you wrestle, one wrestles with continually in a position of leadership, spiritual leadership, is to fight against a pragmatic response to obvious need. Because whenever you respond to a need pragmatically, you end up creating a greater need.

The Danger of Pragmatic Responses to Needs

4:28 I've used the illustration before, but it is said that in certain parts of Australia, they had a tremendous ecological problem. It was the problem of the proliferation of prickly pear. And it was very difficult to raise crops in certain areas because the prickly pear was just multiplying itself profusely and choking out other plant life. Well, some keen observer noticed that a certain type of hare, rabbit, ate the prickly pear.

4:56 And so the idea was, well, let's import some rabbits and we'll take care of the problem of prickly pear. Well, they did. But I understand that they've created a greater problem. What do we do now with this overabundance of rabbit population that in turn is destroying certain crops?

5:14 Well, you see, I use that to illustrate the principle. If we see a need, we must be very careful that in responding to that need pragmatically rather than biblically, we do not create a greater need down the road. And the history of the church, particularly in the 20th century, is the history of living with the problem of pragmatic responses to some of the problems that we have. So the glaring needs of the 19th century and so many of the extra or para-church organizations that are sucking the blood life, lifeblood, I'm sorry, out of the church now in the 20th century and usurping the role of the church are the result of good men who saw real needs in the 19th century, but rather than wrestling with biblical principles as to how those needs should be met, they said, there's a need, let's go meet it. And everyone said, wonderful. The need's beautiful. It's being met.

6:07 But now we've got to live with the fruits of their earnest, sincere, but misguided pragmatism. So if some of you wonder why in the world your elders are so everlastingly slow in responding to certain needs, this is why. Because we're seeking by the grace of God to wrestle with the biblical principles. It may seem very obvious to you what the need is and very obvious as to how that need can be addressed.

6:35 But now the question is, are we addressing ourselves to it in a biblical manner? If not, no matter what good may come from the immediate response to that need, there will be nothing but ultimate grief and pain to the true people of God. And some of us love our children well enough in the church of Christ well enough that we don't want to strap them with the problems of our pragmatic response to need. Now, we're convinced there is special need.

Elders' Convictions and Exhortations for Non-Singles

7:06 Among this particular class in our congregation, the single men and women of post-high school age who are among us. Well, then, out of that time on March 16th came the conviction, first of all, that there ought to be some subsequent sessions with the single men and women under the guidance of the elders to talk out and wrestle through some of their particular needs and to give them counsel as to how those needs could be met. A second conviction that came out of it. The second meeting is that we needed to do a work of education among the non-singles of post-high school age, better known as the married men and women amongst us.

7:46 And so this morning I'm taking the opportunity to launch a discussion as well as to give several exhortations relative to what we non-singles can do in seeking to respond to the needs of the single men and women in our congregation within a framework that is suitable for the church, consistent with the word of God. And the few suggestions I have this morning are by no means mandates from your elders, nor are they exhaustive. It is simply an effort to begin to attempt to get you to begin to think along some of these lines. So I want to give one or two positive directions and then one or two negative cautions, and then we'll throw it open for discussion.

Positive Exhortation: Cultivate In-Depth Relationships

8:31 All right? All right. In a positive way. We would like to exhort.

8:36 The non-singles seek to cultivate some in-depth relationships with at least two or three single men and women in our congregation. Seek to cultivate some in-depth relationships with at least two to three singles among us.

9:00 Now, at this point, I want to recommend what to me is one of the finest things I've ever seen. And it is the finest thing I've ever seen on the subject. It's singleness, but it contains so many helpful insights for those of us who are married in understanding the peculiar needs of singles. It's a book by Margaret Clarkson, the author of the little book, Susie's Babies, that we've recommended to many of you parents as a primer in sex education for your own children when they begin to ask the kind of questions that can't be answered in one line anymore and be honest with them.

9:32 And we've recommended Susie's Babies as a very excellent Christian. It's a book by Margaret Clarkson, the author of the little book, Susie's Babies, that we've recommended to many of you parents as a primer in sex education for your own children when they begin to ask the kind of questions that can't be answered in one line anymore and be honest with them. On this whole matter of biblical sex education, well, Margaret Clarkson, who is now retired in her mid-sixties, has written a book entitled So You're Single. And Mr. Heiss tries to keep a good supply of these.

9:53 The book is called Downstairs. But I would heartily recommend that you either take it out of the library. Bart, do we have a copy or two in the library? Bart is here, I think.

10:01 Yes. You will tonight. All right. See?

10:05 Now, that's the kind of action we like to see. All right. All carded and filed and on the shelf by tonight. Very good.

10:12 And I would say at least maybe two or three copies, Bart, because I do really urge all of you, single, married, young, old, to read this book. It has so many helpful, practical insights. And the reason I can commend the book so heartily is that Margaret Clarkson writes out of a perspective that is thoroughly biblical. And you find that in her practical wisdom, there is a ring of biblicalism.

10:38 That is wonderfully refreshing. And she will help those of us who are married to understand what it is to look at life through the eyes of someone who, in the will of God, has been single all her life. She never married, but who came to grips realistically with her singleness and sought to relate the peculiar problems of singleness to the broad principles of the word of God. And one of the things that she emphasizes is the necessity for this interaction between single people and married people.

11:07 And she lays out some of the needs for this and some of the ways in which those needs can be met, some of the cautions, very practical advice. What happens if a single man begins to relate in depth to a couple and finds himself more comfortable with the wife than with the husband? She says, break off that relationship immediately and vice versa. She's very frank and open and honest about the peculiar dangers, but at the same time, she's realistic in her approach.

11:37 And so, if you are married, do not, cannot, right now, think of two or three single people, male or female, in the congregation, with whom you have more than just a passing relationship, with whom you do not have what could be called an intimate friendship.

11:58 I would challenge you to take the initiative to seek to cultivate such a relationship. Now, in so doing, I must give a word of caution. There are some among us. Of our single men and women, who are more naturally at ease, socially, who are more outgoing, and it would be easy, if we weren't careful, to show favoritism.

12:20 So, as you prayerfully commit this matter to God, and I trust none of you would make any efforts until you have really made it a matter of earnest prayer, Lord, if you can use our home, our marriage, our family, to be a means of encouragement, instruction, and strength to some one or ones. Of the singles amongst us, Lord, we offer ourselves to you. Guide us. And you make that a matter of prayer.

12:45 Lord, guide us, as we would seek to establish an in-depth relationship with some of the singles amongst us. Then, as you do, and you begin to make overtures by having such ones over to your home for a meal, and simply sharing your family life with them, not doing anything special, just being yourself, and letting them have something of the input of a normal, structured Christian home, it would be well before you cultivate that relationship any deeper to ask the question, any more deeply, to ask the question, do you have this kind of relationship with any other married people in the church? And if they say, well, yes, then you just might frankly say, well, I'm trying to seek out those who have none at all. Do you know of such?

13:29 And this is where you singles can be of help. You will know better those who seem to be left out, who seem to be the fifth leg on the table, for one reason or another. So that's the first exhortation. Seek to cultivate some in-depth relationship.

13:45 And how to do this, of course, the possibilities are legion. But then the second positive exhortation is, as you do, and you find the blessing that comes from it, seek to encourage others to do the same. We read in Hebrews 10.24 that we are to provoke one another unto love and to good works.

14:07 Each of us should be a prod to one another. Unto love and to good works. So as you find the blessing that comes from ministering to some of those who have the peculiar needs of the singles, in your conversation with some of your more intimate married friends, just share with them what it's meant to you, what it has done for your own family life, what it's done for your own perspective in broadening your understanding of some of the members of the congregation. You seek to provoke others.

14:36 In that way, this can be a growing concern. And a self-propagating concern. And it won't need a lot of repeated exhortations from the pulpit. But now there are a couple of negative exhortations.

Negative Caution: Avoid Matchmaking and Jumping to Conclusions

14:50 Number one, avoid all matchmaking efforts.

14:58 Some of you have heard with great pleasure the musical score of the classic, really, some have said American opera, Fiddler on the Roof. And you remember that one of the well-known hymns, one of the well-known songs,

15:17 at loss of an hour's sleep, it's begun to take its toll.

15:22 It's matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a catch. Well, in that culture, it was perfectly proper for old Yenta to be the town matchmaker. But we don't want any Yentas in Trinity Church. Now, you single people have to understand and not become either irritated or bitter.

15:42 If you have someone who's happily married, he wants someone else. He wants someone else to have the same product. And often the matchmaking efforts of married people are simply an awkward expression and testimony of their love. Now, you single people must understand that and not get irritated.

15:59 But at the same time, you married people must understand it is irritating to be a single person and feel that people are nudging you in the direction of a certain young man or a certain young woman. Well, don't let your good be evil spoken of. And when you invite...

16:16 When you invite certain people over, make sure that it is not with a calculated design to get Ms. So-and-so into the orbit of Mr. So-and-so's more intimate acquaintance with a view to...

16:26 If they don't see one another and aren't concerned enough to make the overtures in their general interaction, you can only be counterproductive if you try to do it on your own. So please avoid all matchmaking efforts. I don't know of any among us who claims to have direct revelation on these things, to know who...

16:46 Who should marry whom, but that word of caution. And secondly, avoid all jumping to conclusions when you do see a single man and woman spending some time together. You see, one of the things that we're going to encourage our singles to do, and we touched on it at our meeting on March 16, is to cultivate in-depth relationships with more than one single person of the same and of the opposite sex. Well, you see, if our...

17:16 If our singles are going to develop some in-depth relationships with those of the opposite sex, then they must feel that if they are seen talking with a certain young man or young woman, everyone is not going to assume that they've begun to court or are halfway down the road to putting a ring on each other's fingers. And sometimes the singles are very sensitive to this, and they feel that the moment they are seen with another person who is single and eligible, people begin to come up and ask, oh, there's something percolating there, is, you know, beginning to have a...

17:50 Well, again, you must understand how this feels if you are a single... if one is a single person, and we want to avoid causing any unnecessary strain in those relationships.

Discussion: The Peculiar Needs of Singles

18:03 Well, these are just a few suggestions that I throw out to you to at least get your minds moving in this direction. Much more could be said, but I don't want to sit...

18:14 I don't want to stand and lecture while you sit, and listen, I'll have the opportunity to preach to you in the next hour. So, the matter is before you for discussion, questions, contributions, additions or subtractions, if well-founded. Mr. Spence.

18:33 The underlying presupposition here is that singles do have peculiar needs,

18:41 or believe that they have what some of these peculiar needs are.

18:48 If these peculiar needs are, then maybe there will be more positives and negative aspects coming out. Based on this, then, that was the only...

18:56 One of the things that we had to go there, peculiar needs, would be this problem of singleness in terms of unmarried relationships. Yes. Let's elaborate a little bit what this underlying presupposition is. Yes.

19:07 They do have... All right.

19:09 I would encourage you for a more than cursory treatment of that to read Miss Clarkson's book, because she deals with that over a broad spectrum of things. But, for instance, let's zero in upon the young women. If a woman is seeking to embrace her role as a woman, she recognizes that though the authority structure outlined in Scripture focuses primarily upon the husband being the head of the wife, there is, in a passage such as 1 Corinthians chapter 3, a more general statement of this principle in which the apostle says, the head of the woman is the man, and the head of the man is Christ, and the head of Christ is God. Well, that shows that this principle of...

19:58 of a woman's submission to male authority is broader than the husband-wife relationship. Now, this again, this raises the hackles of the modern feminist movement within and without the evangelical church, but it's simply a fact of Scripture. Now, I've had some of the single women come saying, I feel desperately the need of having the input of mature male perspective with regard to this problem, this problem, or this situation. Where do I get that?

20:27 I'm not married. I don't have a direct pipeline in that sense to the elders to be always pestering them with matters that are not matters that are their peculiar responsibility. If I just felt that I had a close enough relationship with one of the married men and could seek in that sense some proxy headship and guidance in this, it would be of tremendous help to me. Well, there's a specific need that some of the single women have.

20:54 They do not want in their singleness to develop an... independence that is contrary to the general biblical principle and that would militate against their really taking their place as a submissive wife should marriage be in the will of God for them down the line.

21:11 A second need that many of our singles have because we are such a young congregation. Now, let me share with you how this came home with me so forcefully. Did I mention it when I gave the report about the recent trip to the UK? See, I don't know what I've said to who, where, when, and what, because I have mentioned this.

21:30 I was in a state of shock for about two days when I began the ministry in Ireland because when I stood up to preach, in fact, before I preached Sunday morning, when they had that sort of a welcome meeting for me Saturday night and a prayer meeting, I looked out and half of the group was in the late 40s to early to mid 60s group and I just was absolutely unhinged. It has been so long since I looked out into a congregation, where the mean age was beyond 30, that it just absolutely almost took the wind out. And I was trying to interpret my own reaction. I said, what is wrong with me?

22:11 Is it because all the women are wearing hats that I feel funny? No, I said, it's not that. What is it? And I couldn't sort out my own reaction.

22:21 But then it dawned on me what I was reacting to was the tremendous difference in the mean age. And then when I stood up to preach Sunday, the same thing. Half the congregation was late 40s to mid 60s and a much more natural spread age-wise than is found here. I mean, we could, this morning, if we were to just feed into a computer the age of everyone, starting with some of our senior citizens, I'll just look up to the ceiling now so I don't offend anyone putting them into that category.

22:54 And we were then to find the average age, I'm sure, right here in the class this morning. It would be somewhere in the late 20s. Early 30s at the highest. Well, we're an unusually young congregation.

23:05 Now, that has both its assets and liabilities. Now, one of the liabilities is this. Most of the young men and women, including the singles,

23:16 are the products of post-war family structure. I should say post-war family non-structure. And what I'm saying is most of our singles have come out of a background that's a mess. They've not seen normal.

23:34 Husband-wife relationships. I've had any number of couples, after just spending an evening at our table, with our family worship, and then just in our family life, laughing, talking together, go out and say, this is the first time in my life I've seen people who are married for longer than two or three years, who seem to enjoy one another, who seem to be growing in their love for one another. I've never seen anything like that. Well, this, you see, accentuates some of the specific needs that our singles have.

24:03 They need to have in-depth experience. Exposure to normal Christian family life. Now, by normal, I mean they can see the tremendous blessings that the gospel brings at the domestic level, and, at the same time, they can be realistic. I have a deep personal conviction, and I'm going to work this out in more detail when I meet subsequently with you singles, is that the reason some of you are still single is because, consciously or unconsciously, your whole background has so programmed you as to be negative toward marriage.

24:43 Your own home situation is one you say, I'd rather go through life single than have the hell on earth that I was brought up in.

24:52 And what you need in pursuit of overcoming some of that emotional and psychological negativism is you need in-depth reaction with happy, normal, wholesome Christian family life so that you become convinced it is possible. Especially when those who have such family life can say, look, this isn't something I inherited. My family background was thus and thus and thus, but this is what the grace of God has wrought. So there's another specific need, Mr. Spence, is that general exposure to the normalcy. And then, of course, for the young men, here again is the principle of Titus that we may introduce at this point. Though it's speaking particularly to the situation of marriage, we read in Titus chapter 2 that the aged women, whenever you can get a woman to admit she falls into that category, is to be reverent in demeanor, not slanderers nor enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is good, that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

26:05 to be sober-minded, kind in subjection to their own husbands. Well, here's the principle applied specifically to the marriage relationship, but surely it doesn't exhaust the undergirding concept that within the church it is the experience that are to train and to teach the inexperienced. And likewise with men. What does it mean to be a loving as well as a firm and aggressive head of a home?

26:34 Well, our young men need to be in homes where they see men fulfilling that function and that role so that what they hear preached, becomes concrete in specifics as they interact. All right? Now, that doesn't exhaust the list, but I hope that at least gets our minds moving in that direction. Yes, Mr. Clark.

Discussion: Creating a Natural Framework for Interaction

27:36 Yes. Right. Not as the conscious goal, but at least as providing a framework which will make that a viable option. That's right.

27:45 I think I used the illustration with the singles the night we met with them. It's like some of us can remember the first social, activity we were ever involved in, which involved fellas and girls. It was with many of us. Maybe it was a party or something when we were in our early teens.

28:02 And we can remember the fellas all standing on one side with their hands in their pockets, feeling all thumbs and, you know, conscious of their pimples and the girls on another side, all teen, biting their nails. And that's very vivid in the memory of some of us. And I'm sure many of you can relate to that. And your laughter is a confession of that.

28:23 Well, though there may not be quite the same degree of awkwardness, it is still there nonetheless. The moment single men and single women are in each other's presence, there is this element of tension. And that is normal. But as Pastor Clark has suggested, something must be done to break down some of those initial walls so that single people feel comfortable with one another, because until they do, they can't get to know the real person.

28:55 And we don't want people being attracted to mirages. If they're going to be attracted to one another, we want them to be attracted to the real person that's there, not some image that's projected in an artificial situation. And therefore we must get them into natural situations, where instead of just looking at one another and saying, what do we talk about? Well, let's have a Bible study, you know.

29:18 That's what some of our young men feel is the answer to all social awkwardness, have a Bible study. Well, that's not necessarily the answer, having a Bible study. Whereas, if a married couple is taking the initiative and has two or three singles over or half a dozen singles and it's mixed, well, you see that married couple is taking the lead in the activities and you're not then, you don't have the same degree of tension with the fellows over here and the girls over here looking at one another, biting their nails, wondering what can we do next. And this helps to be a catalyst.

29:55 It's a catalyst to break down some of that tension. That's again, very natural. All right, yes, Mike? I just want to mention that this is something that the Bible speaks of taking place, the fact that singles should be incorporated amongst families.

30:12 I'm thinking of the verse in Psalm 68, verse 6, God sent us the solitary in family. And then again in Luke 18, verse 29, There is no man that hath left house, or wife, or brethren, or parents, or children for the kingdom of God's sake, who shall not receive manifold more in his time, and in the world to come, eternal life. So he spoke another. That's a good point, Mike.

30:45 Give us the two references again. Psalm 68, verse 6. All right. And Luke 18, verse 29.

30:52 Yes, Luke 18, verse 29. Those who are the true disciples of Christ, and in principle have left all to follow him, and the Lord says there is a present as well as ultimately a future reward, and part of that reward is entering into the blessedness of a multiplication of families, will be brought into the orbit of the love and security of many. Thank you, Mike. All right.

Discussion: Identifying Singles and Improving General Interaction

31:17 Others? Questions or contributions on this subject?

31:30 Yes, Mrs. Martin.

31:41 Yeah.

31:53 Yeah. Well, I think this again is the matter of the taking. I think if anyone were to approach you, dear, and ask if, you know, as a single, would you like to come over to the house, you would gladly inform them by lifting up your left hand that you're not in that category and have not been for 23 years.

32:15 Don't you think, dear, that the problem is, if we don't know who they are, that's a larger problem of a lack of general interaction,

32:26 and perhaps is symptomatic of that larger problem, and we ought to go to work at that. Get to know one another better, both single and married, and then we'll be able to know who they are. I think if I field the singles, they would feel awkward about having their names posted like they were some kind of freak.

32:46 Maybe if not, you want to list singles. How many singles want their name on a list? How many do not?

32:53 How many don't care? Let's change the subject.

33:00 Okay, John.

33:03 Let me just be a little positive in this time. One stage for about nine months, when there were about eight or ten of us, if I can say, definitely knew every member of the congregation, everyone who came to this church. We can't say that in the war, because we did away with the prayer meeting, but at one point we had a prayer meeting that became the prayer meeting here in Saturday morning. We used to pray through the directory.

33:27 It's amazing how many times you get onto the directory, and then, okay, you pray for this one, we work in alphabetically. Well, who's he? And then the group has to explain to that individual who he's praying for and what they may know. Some of the needs of that individual.

33:40 And so it became very quickly that you began to recognize places with needs, with names. And so in that way, then, you did have a better grasp of who was in the congregation and who wasn't. Because amongst six or seven of you, at least one or two of you knew the people that you didn't know. But maybe that we've got to get back into that practice in family devotions and individuals of praying through on a daily basis the church directory.

34:05 If you don't know who they are and your wife doesn't know, then make a point. Sometimes the children will know because they go to Sunday school or have relationships with the children of these people. Maybe that's a practical help that I certainly miss my soul because we've done away with that. But on the other hand, it can be obtained in a short period of time.

34:24 And it may open up the question, too, Mr. Spence, whether or not we ought not to avail ourselves of these. I'm only opening it up as a question. There are these services that come in and take a picture of all the families, and make up a directory that has names with families.

34:42 And then as they supplement it, then, you know, and it can mean an outlay of some expense at the outset, but it may mean in terms of overall knowledge of one another. In the past, whenever their salespeople have approached me, I've always told them we weren't interested. But I wonder if maybe we haven't come to the place where that may be a service that we ought to avail ourselves of. And that way, then, you'd have a pictorial, identification of name and face.

35:11 And, of course, it has to be updated every few years because children can change so much. The rest of us, we don't change. We just stay nice and mellow. But the kids change anyway.

Future Plans: Disbanding Adult Sunday School for Home-Based Classes

35:23 Now, along that line, too, Mr. Spence, one of the things that the elders are wrestling with and are increasingly convinced will probably be suggested this fall, and our determination is to resolve it one way or another this summer so that come fall, if we're going to do this, it will be very clearly laid out and explained and people will have had time to think through the options of disbanding this adult class for Sunday morning and in its place, continuing the children's Sunday school structure and maybe even splitting it up some more in terms of space and then adults would be able to come here who have children. But the option would be that there would be established in perhaps five or six different geographical locations classes on Friday night. And those classes would be taught either by one of the elders or a proven teacher. And then you would be given the option. If you lived in this area, you would not be obligated to go to that particular thing, but maybe for a quarter, for 13 weeks, in your home, Mr. Spence,

36:36 there would be principles of family, Christian family life, would be taught by so-and-so. Well, people would have the option then of coming. There'd be a one-hour Bible study and then there'd be a season of prayer in which those people who committed themselves for 13 weeks to that particular class would get to know one another, share their more personal needs, and it establishes a broad base of general knowledge and out of that will grow more intimate friendships. Well then, after 13 weeks, then the classes change.

37:10 Someone else will be teaching a different class in your home or teaching the same class, which forces everyone who's been there out to another option. We haven't worked out all the details, but it would be the kind of thing where you would not be artificially thrown together with others. You'd make your own choice, but you would have to commit yourself for the 13 weeks, for the quarter, and then you'd have to change after the 13 weeks so we didn't then develop little cliques of churches, within the church, where you had the same group of people with one another month after month after month. That could be dangerous and could undermine our broader unity.

37:50 So this is something we're wrestling with now, trying to view all the angles and the possibilities and the biblical principles.

Testimonies from Singles on the Value of Family Interaction

37:58 Yes? Chuck? The remembrance of the people who did that type of thing is to have them into their home, you know, the single part. It's a very, very clear view of what it meant to me to see them.

38:26 And it means so much, particularly my health has meant so much, probably those people don't even remember. But it was a very, very healthy study in my time. Amen. Well, thank you for buttressing our statements on that point, Chuck.

38:43 Someone else had his hand raised. Yes, Mr. Van Dalen. The original congregation you mentioned is of a relatively young age.

38:50 How would they feel if they were some who are closer to the senior citizens? Yeah. In that category. Well, let's let them speak.

38:59 All right. Janet, she's only halfway to senior citizens. So, Janet, all right.

39:49 Okay. Any others of the younger singles want to address themselves to that? Mrs. Brown, if we can hold off, we want to get the opinion of some of the singles now.

39:56 Mr. Van Dalen's asked, how would the younger ones feel? All right. The question has been asked, how would you feel?

40:03 Now it's your opportunity to respond to it. All right. Yes. Jerry?

40:22 All right.

40:24 Rich? I was saying, I remember my favorite time, when I was an older gentleman, was the primary reason that they always talked straight with me. Yeah. They always told me the truth.

40:34 And, you know, it's very difficult. Yeah.

40:38 All right. Henry? All right. Is that sufficient to be a mandate?

41:08 All right. Regina?

41:23 Another way, and she's very helpful with that, I was a Christian, and she had a much longer period of time to learn about the Bible. And so many questions that I would have, she could help me with. Now, it's not just in terms of family, but also, you know, about the world of God. Yeah.

41:40 Yes. In terms of just general biblical knowledge. Yes. And just those things that only life itself teaches.

41:48 I mean, there are a lot of things that may not be explicitly biblical in the sense that it's an insight to a specific portion or principle of Scripture, but just general principles of learning how to live and exist and cope with life as it is. And it's an encouragement to see that some people are making it. You know, that they haven't folded along the way, that all is not, perhaps, as bleak and dark as some of you may think it is. Have you got your answer, Mr. Van Dalen?

42:16 Good. All right. Very good. All right.

Discussion: Overcoming Reticence and Improving Communication

42:18 Now, Mrs. Brown, did you have a contribution to me? Yes.

43:23 No, or he did. He was a whole different people. Mm-hmm. Well, of course, he was a whole different people.

43:33 So, at last, we all got to the point where he said, what difference is there?

43:38 Yeah.

43:41 Yeah. He said, I don't know when there are so many new people. Mm-hmm.

43:52 Yes.

43:54 Yeah.

43:58 Yeah. All right. Okay, I think, again, this is part of the more general problem of what do we do to make sure that we don't lose touch. And I think, here again, we have a kind of natural reserve and reticence which is, in a very real sense, commendable.

44:17 I'm grateful we don't have a bunch of hot-shot salesmen-like people in our church who come bouncing up to everyone they don't know my name, me, so-and-so, who are you? And, you know, just blow the person out of the aisle. I've been in places where that kind of aggressiveness is very distasteful to me and I think to many of you. But at the same time, few of us want to be honest at how few names we know and remember.

44:43 And I've learned through the years the best thing is just to be downright honest. Look a person in the face, say, I know I ought to know who you are, I've seen you, you've even told me your name before, but I've forgotten. What is it again? Well, then, you know, he may be just honest to say, you know, I have a terrible time with names, too, and if you weren't standing up there preaching every Sunday, I'd probably forget who you were as well.

45:05 So, I think just a little more basic honesty about this and when we see one another, instead of smiling and saying, hello, brother, how are you, go over and say, look, I can't say Brother Smith because I don't know what comes after brother. What is the name again? Help me with that, see? And be honest with one another.

45:22 I mean, surely, none of us is going to be offended with that kind of honesty, at least I hope none of us will be. Yes, Mr. Philbrook.

45:31 Yes. Yeah, it would be a great help if people used it. But see, Phil, I've been around long enough to know I'm not so naive as to think that because you put something in people's hands, they use it.

45:43 Because I have stood week after week and given announcements as clear and as explicit as I know how in the English language looking people right in the eye, speaking distinctly and clearly and they're looking me, right in the eye and lo and behold, having made the announcement twice on the Lord's Day, Sunday night, someone says, hey, someone mentioned to me that such and such is going to... When was that announced?

46:10 I say, well, twice today. Oh.

46:15 Was I late? No, you were sitting right there. I saw you. Oh, my mind must have been somewhere else.

46:22 So, when one gets a few miles on his speedometer in this business, one learns that that wouldn't be a cure-all, but it could be a catalyst to help in this area. Now, we've got two minutes before we're done. Mr. Dixon.

The Two-Way Street of Ministry to Singles

46:42 Exactly. And when I get...

46:44 Yeah.

47:07 Yes.

47:09 Yes. And when we meet with the singles, Mr. Dixon, that's one of the things we want to emphasize that this is not all poor me, I'm a single, everyone come to me. Baloney.

47:21 I mean, you have an obligation in love as a single to be outgoing to others. And so, because I'm addressing myself primarily to the non-singles, we've emphasized that other side, but I'm glad you've underscored the fact that it is a two-way street. It's 10.30.

Closing Prayer

47:37 Is it just... All right, Rich.

47:40 Real quick, like, if I may have special dispensation from the class, because we... Yes, go ahead.

48:05 Yes.

48:07 Well, let's thank God for our time together and pray that he'll give us wisdom as we try to implement these things.

48:16 Lord, we are indeed grateful that we can meet as your people in the confidence that you have put in our hearts a genuine love for one another and a desire to minister to one another, that we need not be sold on the idea that we have obligations to each other. But we thank you that in times such as these, as we've wrestled with the broad principles of Scripture and their application to our particular circumstances, you do give us light. And we pray now that with that light may come grace that we may follow through in, pursuing to a practical resolution some of the problems that have been opened up and aired amongst us today. Continue with us now and may the coming hour be crowned with the sense of your glory and your presence in the midst of your gathered people, we ask through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.