Framework; Husband and Wife Relationship

Introduction: The Framework of Scripturalism

0:01 Let's bow together in prayer and ask the Lord's help. Our Father, we come in the name of your dear Son and our Savior, the Lord Jesus,

0:15 deeply convinced in our hearts that the matters that we are to discuss and to consider from your word are of utmost importance. And because we believe something of their importance, we come asking light and direction by the Holy Spirit that we may be guided as we consider them that our thoughts may be your thoughts and that as we progress in this class together we may be made very conscious of your presence ministering to our hearts through the Holy Spirit. Be with us then and sanctify our time together to the end that our homes may more and more reflect

0:58 that which is set forth in your word as your will for us. We ask in Jesus' name. Amen. Now, first of all, by way of introduction, I want to do several things.

1:16 Number one, I want to set out the framework or the approach to our study. This study class has been announced as something to do with the Christian family and I have come up with a little more formal title, God's Directives for Family Living. God's Directives for Family Living. God's Directives for Family Living.

1:39 And the first thing we must do is to set out the approach that we're going to have to this study. And it's already been hinted at in the very title. Whenever you approach any aspect of human experience and human behavior, there are three or four possible ways that you can approach that study. And your approach will determine where you end up in terms of your conclusions or lack of conclusions.

2:05 Now, there are three or four possible ways that you can approach that study. And there is the approach that many are taking in our day to the whole subject of family living. It's the approach of rationalism. That is, you make your own mind and your own opinions the final bar of judgment.

2:21 Now, if that's all we were coming together to do, then we ought to quit tonight because my opinion is of absolutely no more value than your opinion when it comes to how the family should be governed. And so the approach of rationalism, rationalism is not an approach that we're going to take here because even though I may have a reverend in front of my name, my opinion is not worth any more than yours if we're simply exchanging opinions. Then there's the approach of what we might call traditionalism. That says that the patterns that are established are the patterns that we should follow.

3:00 So the final bar of judgment to which we bring all of our thinking is what is the way that we should be doing things. The way it's been done because it's been done because it's been done. Now again, if this would be our approach, we might as well go home tonight because you may have the tradition that you were brought up with and that you have absorbed and you may feel that that's valid and I might have my tradition and so it's your tradition against mine. So rationalism, traditionalism are not valid approaches.

3:31 And then there's the approach of pragmatism. That says whatever works, is good. What is good, is right. So whatever works, that's the only bar of judgment to which you bring these matters.

3:46 Our approach is going to be the fourth approach and I'm calling it scripturalism. Not rationalism, man's mind, man's opinions. Not traditionalism, what has been. Not pragmatism, what works.

4:01 But scripturalism, what God has spoken in his word. And the conviction being that what God says is final and absolute because he is final and is absolute. So as we approach our study, it's going to be with the conviction that 2 Timothy 3.16 is true.

4:22 That passage says, all scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine or teaching, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in right living. Now there are scriptures that speak about family living. Now why should we take those scriptures? Because they are inspired of God and they are profitable for teaching.

4:48 Where should we get our teaching concerning family living? Not from our own heads, not from our traditions, not from simply what seems to work, but from the God who has spoken in his inspired word concerning family living. So we perceive, we proceed on the assumption that what God says is inspired and is profitable. Isaiah 8.20 is the verse

5:14 that will govern our study to the law and to the testimony. If they speak not according to this word, it's because there is no light in them. Now it's interesting, I was reading the other day a book that was loaned to me by someone in the congregation, written by a man who in the world's eyes is eminently qualified to talk about family living. He's a Ph.D.

5:38 He's an M.D. And yet there are places where in the margin of this book the young man whose book it is has written such words as bosh. That's pretty brash, isn't it?

5:52 For a young man who maybe only has one degree and who's in his early twenties to say to a learned, experienced medical doctor and psychiatrist, bosh? May I say, you may have no degrees and maybe never got beyond the third grade, but if you know what the Bible says about family living, and a man with 35 degrees and 70 years of experience in family counseling says anything that contradicts the Bible, you not only have the right, but you're obligated to write over his words, bosh. And to the testimony, if they speak not according to this word, there is no light in them.

6:37 They may have many degrees upon them, but there's no light in them. See it? And you see, we live in the day of the expert, where when the experts speak, everybody trembles. So when somebody writes a book and he has after it Ph.D., M.D.,

6:53 every other kind of D, then people come to that as though it were some shrine of absolute authority. No. We're taking the approach of scripturalism. We are assuming that what God says is absolute and is final, and whatever man says that contradicts what God says is bosh.

7:14 And you've got a right to write it not only in the margin of a book, but in the margin of anything I say that isn't true to the word of God. We're proceeding on the assumption that when you and I stand before God to give an account for our experience in family living, John 12, 48 will apply. Jesus said, The word that I have spoken unto you it shall judge you in the last day. So when we stand before God in terms of the discharge of our responsibility of family living, it will be in terms of the Scripture.

7:49 So you have those four possible approaches. Rationalism, man's mind, the bar of judgment. Traditionalism, what has been done, the bar of judgment. Then you have pragmatism, what works.

8:01 Or you have scripturalism, and we're going to take the four. Now what do we conclude from that? Well, we conclude that everything that we seek to do in terms of constructing a superstructure of teaching on family living, the role of the husband, the wife, the relationship of parents to children, children to one another, etc., all of it is built upon the foundation.

8:30 Now you see, what's happened in our day is that our present society inherited a superstructure of concepts about family living. The husband was to be the head, the wife in that sense is to be the follower, children are to be submissive. This is the kind of structure that our society inherited from a day when men derived those principles from the Bible. Now what has happened, in the past couple of generations, the foundation has been thrown out, you see, and now this generation comes along and says, why should a woman be subject to the man?

9:14 And the feminist movement in our day says, there is no reason that we can discover in our heads, that we can discover biologically or any other reason, and because there is no answer from Scripture, the feminists have a real case. Children are saying, why should we obey our parents? And because the answer is not being given, God has constituted the family that way, you can give them thirty reasons, from pragmatism, from traditionalism, from rationalism, but the child says, look, my opinion is as good as yours. Why not set up a new tradition?

9:52 I think my way works better. And so the answers given from rationalism, traditionalism, and pragmatism, they don't satisfy. So what we're going to do is seek to discover from the Word of God the principles that erect and hold the superstructure. So if, as we go along, you find some things you've said that grind your socks, you find some things you don't like, may I remind you, the issue is not with me and with you.

10:23 If I am not rightly expounding the Word of God, then you have an obligation to say to me, Mr. Martin, I don't believe you handled that passage rightly, I don't believe you interpret it rightly, but if it's being handled rightly, don't you dare go out and say, well, I agree with Pastor, or I don't agree. The issue is whether or not you're submitting to what God says. And I want to make that very clear at the outset.

10:48 This is not the Trinity Baptist Church opinion of family living. The title of our time together is God's Directives for Family Living. All right? So much, then, for the approach to our study.

Goal of the Study: Principles, Not Exhaustive Manuals

11:03 Now, secondly, by way of introduction, what will be the goal of our study? Let me state it, first of all, negatively, then positively, and then conclude this aspect of the introduction with a little bit of a warning. Negatively, our goal is not to be exhaustive. All of us are made that we would love to have some kind of a manual, and in that manual would be a little index, alphabetically arranged, and in it every conceivable problem that could arise in family living.

11:37 Between husband and wife, wife and husband, parent-child, child-parent, everything that had to do with family devotions, how to use your TV, how to treat your teenagers. We'd love to have some kind of a manual with an index that every time we had a question or a problem, we could thumb through, find the right place, put our finger on it, page 719, six little rules, and bingo, we'd have it. Now, if you've come expecting that, you're going to be miserably disappointed. Because it's not my goal to be exhaustive, and it's not the scriptural approach to be exhaustive and to give detailed answers to every possible problem and situation that could arise.

12:19 Now, we like that because we're lazy. And from that standpoint, we're all good Roman Catholics at heart. We love to have some authoritarian structure that has a religious flavor about it, telling us, you should see this movie, you shouldn't see that movie, you should do this, you should not practice birth control, you should...

12:39 We'd like to have all kinds of the answers all laid out for us. But that's not my goal, to somehow give you an exhaustive manual. Positively stated, my goal is going to be to try to set before you the broad outlines of biblical principles. If these principles are grasped, then we can apply the principles to our own given life.

13:05 Now, this is the approach of Scripture on these issues. Will you turn to the 19th chapter of Matthew for an example of how our Lord said to some people who wanted a detailed answer about a specific problem, that if they only understood the principles that applied in that area, they would be able to answer their specific question. Now, what's the question that these people have in Matthew chapter 19? Verse 3, And there came to him Pharisees, trying him and saying, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

13:48 Now, see, they want to know, is it right to divorce a woman for the fact they don't like the way she set her hair on Tuesday morning, for the fact that she's bow-legged, or the fact that she snores, or she's got all these... Alright?

14:06 The Jews had developed a system, whereby a man could put away his wife for all kinds of things. And so they come saying, we would like to know, is it right to put someone away for all these different causes? They have a specific question about specific, detailed problems. Now, how does the Lord answer them?

14:25 Notice what he says. And he answered and said, Have ye not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, quoting from Genesis 2, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no more two, but one flesh? What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder? What does our Lord do?

14:59 Instead of answering directly their specific question, he takes them back to the great principle as to the nature of man in marriage itself. That when the two have been joined in marriage, something new has been formed. The two shall become one. And he draws a conclusion from that.

15:23 What God has joined together in this union, let not man put asunder. Ah, but they say that contradicts something of what Moses taught. And this is what they were trying to do, is to get him to appear as someone who was opposing Moses. Instead, they said unto him, Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement and to put her away?

15:45 He said unto them, Moses, for the hardness of your heart, suffered you to put away your wives. There was some legislation to correct the abuse involved with divorce, but it's only because your hearts were so perverse and so sinful that you were disrupting the original purpose of God. But he goes on to say, From the beginning it hath not been so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife except for fornication committeth adultery.

16:18 What does our Lord say to them in essence? He says, If you understood the nature of the marriage union itself, that the two have become one flesh, then it would be unthinkable to sever this deep union and relationship over all these petty little reasons that you people are using as an excuse to throw off your wife and to join yourself to another. And he says, The nature of this union is so deep that the only thing that severs it is when one party joins himself or herself to another party, commits fornication, adultery, uncleanness, and in so doing severs

17:02 the two-one relationship. Only then, as he says, has the marriage been dissolved. So it's only death or marital infidelity, or as 1 Corinthians 7 says, willful and unresolved desertion that can be any kind of a ground of this union being severed. Now, the point we're driving at is not the Bible teaching on divorce and remarriage.

17:25 The point is, Jesus answers a specific problem by taking them back to a general principle. And he says, If you understand the principle, then you'd understand this specific problem. Now, that's what we're going to try to do in this class. And I've labored hours and sweat much, mentally and spiritually, in trying to boil things down to the essence of these great principles.

17:53 So, where you've got a big backlog of all kinds of questions, and you're just sitting there, all triggered, waiting till I get to your question. Just relax. I probably won't.

18:05 And I hope you'll just sort of put the specific questions into the background long enough to let these great principles filter down through into your heart. So, the goal of our study, not to be exhausted, but to lay before you broad principles. And then I said I would give you a warning. We will be dealing with the biblical ideal.

18:28 What things, excuse me, ought to be. Now, whenever you see the biblical ideal, there are two strong, there are two strong temptations that we must avoid. One is to have controversy with the ideal. Since it's so far above us, it may seem unreasonable.

18:45 And the other temptation is to be so discouraged with the real situation, you say, well, my experience falls so far short of the ideal, what's the use of even trying? Now, may I urge you to resist those two temptations with all your spiritual fiber. As we see emerging out of the word of God, the biblical ideal for the structure of the whole. Don't reject the ideal because it's so far above you and will make so many demands upon you.

19:22 Conversely, some of you who have too high a reverence for scripture, you won't reject the ideal. But as you look at yourself and where you are, you're just going to hang your head down here on your chest in discouragement and say, what's the use? The Christian is the one who is constantly in tension between accepting the real, where he is, and at the same time having accepted the ideal, he's discontent with where he is. And Philippians chapter 3, verses 12 to 16, is a beautiful example of this where Paul says, I count not myself to have apprehended, but this one thing I do, forgetting the things that are behind, I press toward the mark.

20:05 That's the ideal, right? But then he goes on to say, as many of us, he said, as are mature, let us walk by the same rule and if in anything you be otherwise minded, God shall reveal this unto you. He says, yes, we must press to the ideal, but in terms of the ground we've already gained, let's not become discouraged, let's not give up the ship because we're so far, let's continue to walk in this path ever more pressing toward the mark. That's the ideal.

20:36 Now some of you perhaps are more prone to the discouragement, some of you may be more prone to have controversy with the ideal. Whichever it is, may the Lord help you to resist those temptations. So much for the general introduction, how we're approaching the subject, what our goal is. Now let me give you just briefly the general outline of our study course, what we hope to cover, and I doubt we're going to do it in four weeks.

General Outline and Basic Ingredients of the Christian Family

21:02 I've got a sneaking suspicion this might be extended. This might be extended for another couple of weeks. Tonight I want to give you the scriptural framework for family life, and I doubt I'll get through all of that. The scriptural framework for family life, and then the second broad area will be the scriptural pattern and scope for the training of children.

21:24 We're going to look at the family as a whole, first of all. Then we want to focus specifically upon different aspects of that family life. We'll look at the husband-wife relationship tonight. The second broad area will be the scope of our influence with our children.

21:43 Thirdly, the scriptural principles for the discipline of our children. You see, that's narrowing it down even more. And then the fourth broad area, scriptural and practical guidelines for specific problems. The problem of family devotions, sex education in the home, the use of Sundays, the use of the TV if we have one.

22:07 Some of these very practical issues I trust to be able to give some scriptural and practical guidelines in these areas. Alright, tonight then, we're going to attack the subject of the scriptural framework for family life. Now, the basic ingredients that we have in family living from a biblical and Christian perspective, are these. This is the family, which is comprised, of course, here not because she's shorter, but trying to show something of the relationship

22:51 of the wife being in subjection to the husband. And then, if God has been pleased to bless that union, as the product of that relationship, you have children. And we'll just put a boy and a girl for the sake of brevity. Now, this is the unit of the family.

23:12 But this is not the Christian family yet. There are some ingredients that yet have to be added. There is not only the husband-wife relationship, and as the fruit of that relationship, children, but there is God who instituted the family. And when we say God, we mean the God who has revealed Himself in the Holy Scriptures and in His dear Son, the Lord Jesus.

23:44 The ingredients, then, of the Christian family are the father, the mother, the husband, the wife, the children, and the God who has revealed Himself in Scripture and in His Son. Now, the specific relationships involved, first of all, the husband and wife and their relationship to God. As we approach the whole subject of family living from a biblical standpoint, we are doing so assuming that this man and this woman are, first of all, rightly related to God through Jesus Christ. That in that sense,

The Husband and Wife's Relationship to God

24:28 there is a direct line of communication between each of them and the God who made them. May I say it reverently, God, as revealed in Christ, becomes the third party to their marriage relationship, and God never intended that marriage should be anything other than this involvement of the three. When God instituted marriage, He did so in the context in which Adam and Eve were not only made for one another and brought to each other, but they were made for God and lived in the knowledge of God and in submission to Him.

25:10 So this is one of the most vital factors, and though I won't be emphasizing it, again and again, at the very outset, it's necessary to underscore it, the husband and wife and their relationship to God is the most fundamental factor of the success or failure of the family life. Now by nature, this man and this woman are rebels against God, their hearts are not subject to God, so until they are subdued and brought subject to God by His grace, they'll fight like crows and they'll be crazy, the directives of the Bible. You see, the carnal mind is enmity against God, Romans 8, 7.

25:54 It is not subject to the law of God. So you see, if you're not rightly related to God through Jesus Christ, if you're a stranger to His salvation, let me tell you at the outset, and I won't be surprised if I see some evidences of it, the more we get involved in this thing, the more you're going to find your flesh crawl, because the standards of the Word of God are going to cut right across the grain of your natural temperament, because by nature, we are rebels against God. So let me plead with you at the outset, if you're not converted, if you're not a child of God, if you've not turned in repentance and faith to the living and the true God, to His dear Son,

26:38 I plead with you to make this the matter of prime importance, for no effective family building can be done if this relationship with Christ is not established. Let me quote from one of the books that I will be quoting from quite extensively later on tonight, Dwight Harvey Small's Design for Christian Marriage, a book that every married couple ought to have, and those of you that are single and want to get a Biblical perspective of what Christian marriage is all about, I heartily recommend this book to you. Mr. Small says, if there is no spiritual oneness in a marriage, the deepest hungers will not be met, the deepest resources will not be tapped,

27:23 and the deepest relationships will not be cemented. Christian marriage offers the way to real oneness by pointing to a unifying center and power outside of the couple themselves. Do you see what he's saying? There is a unifying center outside the couple themselves, the wife and the husband, both unified in their center, God, and in His Son, Jesus Christ.

27:54 This oneness is not a mere elusive ideal. It's rather the exciting possibility before every couple that is committed to the Lordship of Christ over all of their life together. Again, reading from the same author along the same line, the secret of willfulness and the secret of true marriage is willful surrender of ourselves to Christ. While it would be degrading for one ego to give up to another ego, that is, for a wife to just give herself to her husband with no relationship to God and the husband to the wife, he goes on to say, it is not degrading to think of a husband

28:39 who submits himself to God and accepts all that God has said is his role, and for a wife who submits herself to God and says, I will take everything that God says is my role, this then becomes a beautiful thing. This is the pattern, the two-way direction of outgoing love in Christian marriage. So there is this ingredient of the basic structure, the husband and wife in their relationship to God, and then, secondly, the husband and wife and their relationship to each other. So let me get rid of a lot of these lines so we can see what we're doing.

The Husband and Wife's Relationship to Each Other: Its Influence and Equality

29:22 And if I can remember where I put the chalk, there's always one here it is, but I hang it around my neck. Assuming all the rest now, we're not canceling it out, everything is within that framework, the next basic relationship is that of the husband and the wife to each other. Assuming the importance of the above, nothing is more vital in the whole matter of family living than this relationship. This relationship, husband to wife, wife to husband,

30:04 is continually giving off a powerful influence in every single direction. It is continually educating the children. People say this question, when should I begin sex education? You've begun it long before, your child can talk.

30:25 People say, when can I begin to teach respect for authority? You've begun to teach it long before the child can talk. The relationship of the wife to the husband and the husband to the wife is the most powerful single factor in the whole structure of the Christian family. It is continually teaching, it is continually giving off its influence, and the longer I live and the more I have to deal with family problems with so-called mature adults, the more I see those influences that have warped them in maturity were the influences that were impressed upon them by the husband-wife relationship in the home in which they were reared.

31:09 And time after time, the problems that I have to deal with in marriage counseling or in family counseling or in adult counseling have their roots in the influence exerted by the mother and father of the individuals involved 20 and 30 and 40 years before. We don't, cannot speak. Their instruction still would be most eloquent and powerful day by day, hour by hour, week by week. Now, what are the Biblical directives then for this relationship?

31:51 It is most essential as we consider the whole subject of God's directive for family living that we have clearly in our minds what the Bible teaches concerning this husband-wife relationship. And as we try to grapple with the Biblical material, the first thing we must do is distinguish between their position as individuals before God and their part of the family structure. Let's start them out here without the circle. As we consider the husband, Mr. Jones,

32:28 and Mrs. Jones, as individuals before God, there are certain areas where there is absolute equality and identity. Let me give you three of them. First of all, there is absolute equality and equal identity as creatures made in the image of God.

32:54 It's what I'm calling creative, creative dignity. Notice Genesis chapter 1 where we have the record of God's work of creation. We read in verses 26 and 27, God said, let us make man in our image after our likeness and let them, notice the plural, let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the cattle and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. And God created man in his own image.

33:34 In the image of God created he him. Male and female created he them. So as we consider this wife, Mrs. Jones, and her husband, Mr. Jones,

33:47 as individuals before God in terms of creative dignity, they are absolutely equal. They both bear the image of God. That is, they are made with the capacity to know God, to fellowship with Him, to return to Him, homage, love, obedience, and thereby to bring glory to Him. Absolute identity and equality.

34:16 Second area where they have this identity and equality is in what I would call their native depravity. When Adam fell, Eve sinned, and Adam followed, Scripture tells us that the whole human race, male and female, fell in them so that when we come to a passage like Romans 3, 10 to 19, we read without any distinction of sex that there is none righteous, no, not one, there is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. Ephesians chapter 2, verses 1 to 3, the same statement, the whole human race is by nature

35:00 a race under the wrath of God. Women are not more sinful than men, men are not more sinful than women. And then the third area where they have absolute equality and identity is redemptive privilege. Galatians 3, 27 and 28 speaks so clearly that there is no question whatever that in terms of being accepted in Jesus Christ there is absolute equality in terms of redemptive privilege.

35:34 For as many as you as were baptized into Christ did put on Christ, there can be neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, no male and female, but ye are all one man in Christ Jesus. Any idea that the woman is to be degraded and the man exalted because of some basic inferiority in creation or redemption, such thoughts are unfounded in Scripture. This is why, now follow me closely, wherever the gospel has come and the Bible has been received, the role of the woman has always been raised

36:18 to unprecedented levels. It's in Islam and in other false religions that the woman is looked upon as something basically inferior to the man. She was created something of lesser dignity. And historically this is proven.

36:36 But whenever the gospel comes it raises the dignity of the woman. Why? Because it recognizes this biblical truth that the woman and the man in terms of their individual standing before God have the same creative dignity, the same native depravity, and the same redemption. This is why the gospel has been raised to unprecedented standing or privilege.

37:08 As members of the family unit, the moment we circle them now and consider them as part of the structure of the family, without in any way relinquishing these three things that are true of them as individuals before God, the moment we contemplate them as husband and wife there is distinct position and responsibility. You follow me? Equal identity and standing in creation, in the fall and in redemption, but in the circle of the family unit as instituted of God, there is distinct position

37:52 and therefore distinct responsibility. Now it's this thing that the present feminist movement and everything that's any cousin to it, first, second or fourth, twice removed, fails to recognize. They say since women have equal dignity, they have intelligence and all the rest, why should there not be complete relationship? And in some countries, some Scandinavian countries, they've actually reversed these roles.

38:23 And now the husbands are keeping house and the wives are out earning the living. Some of you may have read about it. This is actually being done and they say why not? Since we have equality of standing before God, if there be such a creature, why not have absolute equality in the structure of the home?

38:39 Well, for the simple reason that the same God who's revealed these areas of equality and identity has revealed the areas of difference and distinct responsibility. And we're coming at this study solely from the standpoint of what sayeth the scriptures. All right? So much then for that basic distinction.

Joint Privileges and Responsibilities of Husband and Wife

39:03 What then are the scriptural directives touching this husband-wife relationship? We're going to break it down into two basic areas. First of all, what I'm calling their joint privileges and responsibilities. Certain things within the circle that they share together.

39:23 Then we're going to look at secondly, their distinct responsibilities within that relationship. All right? What things do they share together in terms of the will of God? Now, this is speaking in terms of the family, the marriage relationship.

39:42 What things do they share together? Well, first of all, the scripture teaches that they both complement each other. Will you turn to Genesis once again? Now, when I say complement, I do not mean that the husband comes home and says, dear, you're the most beautiful woman in the world, and she closes her eyes and dreams about Clark Gable and says, you're the most handsome man in the world.

40:06 I don't mean by complement that they are profuse in their praise. Something that complements something else beats it. Now, this is the concept that I'm trying to set before you and is so beautifully taught in the word of God. We get a hint of it in Genesis chapter one in the passage I read earlier.

40:31 Where God says, let us make man in our image and let them have dominion. Indicating that man fills his role only as there is the female to complement the male and the male to complement the female. But what is merely hinted at in Genesis one is beautifully expanded in Genesis chapter two. I begin reading from verse 18.

41:03 And the Lord God said, Genesis 2, 18, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a help meet for him. That is a help answering to him. And out of the ground the Lord formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them.

41:28 And whatsoever the man called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And the man gave names to all the cattle and the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for man there was not found a help meet for him. As Adam observed the different beasts in their functions and saw them suited to their God-appointed role in his creation, amidst all those creatures there was nothing that answered to his needs.

42:02 There was no beast with which he could hold intellectual fellowship and intellectual intercourse, sharing of the mind. There was no beast with whom he could have social sharing. There was no beast that answered to his physical needs. God had made him a creature capable of the intimate union of the sexual relationship.

42:31 There was no beast which answered to him. There was not an help meet for him mentally, socially, spiritually, physically. There was no help meet for him. So what did the Lord do?

42:46 Verse 21. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept. Someone said the first anesthesia, the Lord used it here with Adam. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof.

43:02 And the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, he made a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said, now notice the difference. This is now, this creature, bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. And she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.

43:24 He recognized in her something that would complement him. You see, there was that sense that my manhood is fulfilled in this expression of womanhood. She was taken out of the man. She is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

43:43 And then we have either what Adam said or what the Lord said. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Here is the whole concept of complementing one another.

44:03 Dwight Small comments so beautifully on this concept. This idea that the husband is incomplete without the wife, that the wife, you see, was made not to exist or the woman made not to exist on her own but to find her true identity in being that help answering to the man's need. He says of this, for the husband and wife this leads to glory and to humility. Now catch this.

44:34 It is humbling to the woman to know that she was created for the man. But it is her glory to know that she alone can complete the man. You catch it, you women? That ought to make you shout inwardly, humbly.

44:51 What were you made for? Oh, you were made to fill up the lack in another. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11, the man was not made for the woman but the woman was made for the man. What led to woman's creation?

45:05 God says it's not good for the man to be alone. I've got to make something to compliment him. Well, that's humbling to the woman. I was made to compliment another.

45:13 Ah, but this is my glory. He's not complete without me. Her humility and her glory. Now, it's the true same with the man.

45:22 It's humbling to the man to know he's incomplete without the woman. Even though he came from the hand of God, perfect, he's incomplete without the woman, but it's his glory to know that the woman was created for him. Humbling, I'm incomplete without my wife, but it's glorious to know that God prepared her for me. And so this role in the marriage relationship is shared equally.

45:53 The husband complimenting the wife, the wife complimenting the husband, and this is the way God made it. Second thing they share together, their joint privilege and responsibility, they are to cleave to each other. I read that verse, verse 24. In the light of the fact that God made them to compliment one another, we read in verse 24, Therefore, because the woman was made for the man, and the man is incomplete without the woman, shall a man leave his father and mother, that is, sever the mother, the most deep ties of human relationship that he's ever experienced, and shall cleave to his wife,

46:38 be cemented to his wife. A new relationship takes precedence over all others, and they shall be one flesh. And what does that term one flesh mean? The best definition I've found is this, a total commitment to intimacy in all of life together, symbolized by the sexual union of the husband and wife.

47:05 A total commitment to intimacy in all of life. That's why the father, the husband must leave his father and mother. There must be no intrusion into this new relationship by the former authority, by the former mode of life. He shall leave father and mother.

47:24 This new relationship is such that it's a commitment to intimacy in all of life. In all of life together, symbolized by the sexual union of one flesh. So this is their responsibility then, to cleave one to another, to seek to attain that union of mind and of spirit, affection, as well as of body that indeed makes them one. And here in this passage, there were no other passage in all the word of God.

48:02 We see both the sanctity and the totality involved in the sexual union of a husband and wife. It is not merely two bodies coming together that constitutes biblical marriage. No, that's a prostitution of what God has ordained. But it is not just two people living under the same roof.

48:23 The two shall be one flesh. There shall be this total commitment to intimacy in all of life, that intimacy which comes to tangible expression in the physical union of the husband and the wife. And this is their responsibility to cleave one to the other and to seek to obtain and experience that total oneness in the context of that intimacy in every area. Then the third area where they have mutual responsibility and privilege is carrying out the mandate of God to replenish and subdue the earth.

49:04 Genesis 1, 28 and 29, God said to the man and to the woman, Subdue the earth, be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. So that as they are placed in God's world, to replenish that world and also to subdue that world, they are to share this responsibility. All right, so much then for the areas where Scripture says they are not only equal in their individual standing before God, but where they share within the family unit, the family unit and the family circle identical and joint responsibility.

The Woman's Distinct Position and Responsibility: Submission

49:47 Let's move now to their individual position and responsibility. Now we're going to isolate them. What we're concerned about, first of all, will be the woman's responsibilities within the marriage, her position, and then we'll move to the man. Now what I want to do is I want to read one, two, three, four, five passages which are the key passages in all of the Word of God and I'll be giving these to you in mimeograph form and if you are not familiar with these passages, let me encourage you to steep your mind in them during the next week.

50:30 I don't think it would hurt to make them the subject of your devotions for the whole week and just pray them in and then by God's grace begin to work them out. Of course, one of the basic passages we've already read in Genesis chapter two, I'll not read it again, I'll be referring to it, but now turning to the New Testament, turn please first of all to 1 Corinthians chapter 11. I'm going to read these passages without comment and then I'm going to go back to the Ephesians 5 passage and make that the basic passage to expound as we try to discover now the individual responsibility of the woman and then of the man.

51:13 1 Corinthians chapter 11 beginning with verse 3. Paul is dealing with a special problem at Corinth, a problem that we're not going to get involved in tonight, but as he seeks to deal with the problem he gives some very helpful teachings on the basic role of the woman. But I would have you to know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man and the head of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying having his head covered dishonoreth his head, but every woman praying or prophesying

51:56 with her head uncovered dishonoreth her head for it's one and the same as if she were shaven. For if a woman is not veiled let her also be shorn, but if it's a shame to a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be veiled. Now don't get involved in what's he talking about veiled, shaven, shorn. Try to get the passages that speak specifically of her place with relationship to the man.

52:19 For a man indeed ought to have his head veiled inasmuch as he is the image and glory of God, but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. For neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have a sign of authority on her head because of the angels.

52:47 Nevertheless, neither is the woman without the man, nor the man without the woman in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, so is the man also by the woman, that is by birth. But all things are of God. Judge ye in yourselves, is it seemly that a woman pray unto God unveiled?

53:09 But doth not even nature itself teach you that if a man have long hair it's a dishonor to him? But if a woman have long hair it is a glory to her, for her hair is given her for a covering. Now turn please to the book of Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22. Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.

53:41 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, being himself the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it, that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

54:25 He that loveth his own wife loveth himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth it in charity, and nourisheth it even as Christ also the church, because we are members of his body. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church. Nevertheless do ye also severally love each one his own wife, even as himself, and let the wife see that she fear or reverence her husband.

55:07 Over to the book of Colossians chapter 3, verses 18 and 19. Be in subjection to your husbands as it is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. And now over to 1 Timothy chapter 2, verse 8.

55:40 I desire therefore that the men pray in every place, lifting up holy hands without wrath and disputing, in like manner that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefastness and sobriety, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly raiment, but which becometh a woman professing godliness through good works. Let a woman learn in quietness with all subjection. But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness. For Adam was first formed, then he.

56:18 And Adam was not beguiled, but the woman being beguiled hath fallen into transgression. But she shall be saved through her childbearing, if they continue in faith and love and sanctification with sobriety. Titus chapter 2, verses 3 through 5. That the aged women likewise be reverent in demenor, not slanderers, nor enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is good, that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sober-minded,

57:01 chaste workers at home, kind, being in subjection to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. And then last of all, 1 Peter chapter 3. You didn't know the Bible had so much to say about this, did you? I'm not making comments, just reading.

57:20 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 1 through 7. In like manner ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands, that even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of the wives, beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear, whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair and of wearing jewels of gold or putting on apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also

58:04 who hoped in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose children ye now are, if ye do well, and are not put in fear by any terror. Ye husbands, in like manner, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint heirs of the grace of life, to the end that your prayers be not hindered. These are the key passages.

58:40 I hope if you aren't familiar with them from memory, you know them. You've jotted them down and will consult them much in the days ahead. Going back to the pivotal passage, Ephesians chapter 5, let's look and try to discover briefly now the woman's basic role in the structure of the home. Now remember, all of this is in the context of her equal dignity in the image of God, her equal involvement in the fall, her equal standing in Christ, the joint privileges they share together of complementing one another, cleaving one to another, cooperating in the mandate of God to replenish and subdue the earth.

59:24 In all of that, what is the key word in terms of her distinct responsibility in the family relationship? What word occurred more often than any other in all of these passages? And I want a lady to tell me. Subjection.

59:42 The word submit, the word subject. Now, it would be a very interesting study if somehow I could have taped electrodes on all of you and found what happened to your pulse and to your adrenaline when that word was read again and again. For you see, we've been so bombarded and subjected to unbiblical thinking that the very use of the word submit and subject is a curse word in terms of modern concepts of family living. Well, whether it's a curse word in modern concepts, remember, our approach is that of what?

60:23 Of what sayeth the scriptures. So that the key position of the woman in this husband-wife relationship is one of submission or subjection to the husband. Now, consider first of all with Ephesians 5 before us what is the nature of that submission? What is the ground of that submission?

60:48 What is the extent of that submission? All right, what is the nature of that submission? Notice what the apostle says, Wives, be in subjection to your own husbands as unto the Lord. In Colossians 3.18 he says,

61:07 As it is fitting in the Lord. So then, the nature of that submission is religious submission. It has to do with our relationship to the Lord. What did the apostle Paul mean?

61:27 Well, I believe he meant simply and profoundly this. It is the Lord who designed the man and designed the woman. It is the Lord who set out the blueprint of the home. And knowing how He made man to lead and how He made the woman to follow, He has clearly revealed that this is indeed the woman's place.

61:54 As one author has said, the tendency to follow was embedded in Eve's very soul as she came forth from the hand of her Creator. And so, the nature of her submission is religious and failure to submit is irreligion and rebellion against God. And like all forms of rebellion, can only lead to self-destruction and misery, both personally and domestically. And then, the horrible effect upon the children.

62:34 In this poem, later on we'll extend it to show the influence upon the children. How does a boy learn what the wife and the mother is to be? The greatest influence to teach him is that influence of his mother's own day-by-day acceptance or rejection of her God-given role. How does a girl learn?

63:07 She won't learn it by coming to a couple of classes like this. She's learning it from you, Mom, day after day, week in and week out. And 99 times out of 100, either they will learn to violently react, and in violently reacting, overreact, if it's been a bad lesson they've learned, and go to the opposite extreme, or they'll simply carry on and magnify the defects that they learned in this concept of the role of the woman. So, as we approach this subject, Paul would remind us at the outset that the nature of a woman's subjection

63:50 is religious. Failure to take that place is the essence of irreligion and rebellion against God, and listen carefully, she's to take that place even with a non-Christian husband. 1 Peter chapter 3 says, Wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word. He contemplates a situation where the husband is not rightly related to God.

64:14 He's not a believer, but nonetheless he's still to be subject. Why? Because though he's not a Christian man, he's still a what? He's still a man, and as a man he was made to lead, and even though his leading and his headship cannot be what it should be if he were a Christian, the fact that he's a non-Christian doesn't make him a non-man.

64:40 He's still a man, and she's still a woman, and therefore her role is still to be one of subjection. The nature of that submission is religious. It is in the Lord. Alright, what is the ground of that submission?

64:58 Verse 23. He's going to give us a reason. For the husband is the head of the wife, Christ is the head of the church himself, the savior of the body. There's a two-fold ground of the woman taking this place of subjection or submission.

65:25 The first is, it's the creative order and secondly, it's the redemptive pattern. And these two things are going to keep reoccurring all through our study. Things ought to be this way because that's the way God created them. Things must be this way because that's the way they reflect the pattern of redemption.

65:48 Christ and his church, the church in its relationship to Christ. God made them this way. The wife is constituted not the head, but she is constituted the one who is to submit. She was made for the man.

66:06 The man was made first in order. And as someone has said, and it's a beautiful thing, God took a rib of Adam in order to make the woman. He didn't take a bone from his head to symbolize that the woman should rule, nor did he take a bone from Adam's foot to teach that the man should trample upon her. But he took a rib from close to his heart that as she takes her place near his heart in subjection to him, she finds her glorious fulfillment as a woman.

66:37 And I believe there is that symbolism or else God would not have recorded for us why he took a rib. The place of protection, but nonetheless the place of submission to the head. So this is the creative order. Any woman who does not submit, she's fighting God's order of creation.

66:57 That's the argument Paul uses in 1 Corinthians 11 for the woman's place in the church. He uses it again in 1 Timothy 2. The woman was created after the man. Therefore she should not usurp the place of headship.

67:11 And then Paul says it's the redemptive pattern. Notice, as Christ is the head of the church, this relationship in the biblical context is to be a little picture of that greater and more profound relationship of redemption. Christ as the heavenly bridegroom, the church as his bride. Do you want to upset the pattern of redemption and tell lies about Christ and his church?

67:43 Then you refuse to accept your role as a woman. Do you want to, as it were, pervert the whole structure of creation? Then you refuse to accept your place as a woman. And it's nothing less than a total reversal of the creative order and the redemptive pattern when a woman refuses to take her place.

68:03 The nature of her submission, religious. It's unto the Lord. He instituted it. The ground, creative order, redemptive pattern.

68:11 Now what's the extent of that subjection? Verse 24. But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything. That is, not in just one department of their lives, but in every sphere.

68:31 One of the books I was reading, a man said humorously, in our house, I decide the big things, whether China should be admitted to the UN, whether the Tennessee Valley Association should be sold to private industry. But my wife decides the smaller things, like what car we're going to buy, what house we're going to live in, what college my kids are going to go to. I thought that was a beautiful way of stating it. You see what he was saying?

69:02 I decide the big things, the great international issues. But in the nitty-gritty of what orders the home, my wife decides the little things. That is, she's taking the rules. No, Paul says, wives are to be subject to their husbands in everything.

69:16 That is, their headship and leadership is to be recognized in every department of the family life. Now there are several qualifications imposed upon us by Scripture itself, and I want to give those qualifications. Though the extent in terms of scope is everything, the degree is qualified by these positions of Scripture. This does not imply she's inferior as a person.

69:46 We've already covered that. This subjection is not absolute. If a husband asks a woman, a wife, to violate the Scripture, she has a higher court of honor and responsibility. Acts 5.29,

70:01 we must obey God rather than man. If a husband asks or expects a wife to do that which violates her conscience as her conscience is enlightened by Scripture, she must sweetly but firmly plant her flag and say, I am sorry you have expected of me that which is contrary to the law of my God. I must obey Him. And then thirdly, it is issued in the context of the law of my God that I must obey Him.

70:29 And it says, in the context of love, every command for the wife to be subject to the husband is surrounded, supported above, beneath, and on every side with the command to husbands to love their wives and not to rule them. Now, isn't that interesting? It doesn't say, husbands rule your wives and wives be subject. Every command to the wife to be subject is surrounded with the command to the husband to love.

70:59 Here in Ephesians, there in Colossians, there in 1 Peter, every passage, you see. So that as you wives contemplate this, remember, God put that order there. Knowing that it's your delight if you're a true woman who's embraced your rule from God. It's your delight to take that place of subjection in the context of love.

71:25 Let me read what one author has said in another very excellent book. And I would commend to any of you who have teenage children to purchase this book and have them read it. Or read through with them, Towards Christian Marriage. It's an excellent book and written from a thoroughly scriptural and biblical perspective.

71:45 And would be very helpful to give them some guidelines as they think of dating and courtship and ultimately of marriage. But here's the summary of this passage. As it relates to the woman's subjection. The subjection of the church to Christ is a free subjection arising out of faith in his absolute wisdom and goodness.

72:08 And in response to his unspeakable love. As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands. How is the church subject to Christ? Well, he is one of our hearts.

72:21 And out of that understanding of the greatness of his person. And the depth of his love. We gladly, as members of his church, give ourselves to him. So likewise, you see, the subordination of the wife is not that of the slave by compulsion and fear.

72:40 But one which arises from and preserves the free action of her own heart and will. Two, that it can exist or at any rate can endure only on condition of superior wisdom and goodness and love in the husband. You see, what? What awesome responsibility this puts upon us as husbands.

72:59 If God says the wife is to be subject to me as the church is subject to Christ. Then I must seek somehow to reflect in my relationship to the wife. The relationship he has to the church. Which gladly elicits the church's subjection.

73:17 Are you subject to Christ out of dread?

73:21 No. You see that in him which makes it a delight for you to say morning by morning. Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? Don't you?

73:28 So this is the awesome responsibility, you see, that comes to us as husbands. Thirdly, that while it is like the higher subordination in kind, it cannot be equally perfect in degree. While it's real in everything, it is absolute in nothing. In the sense, you see, that if the subjection involves disobeying God, then at that point we do not submit.

73:51 Now there's the basic perspective given in scripture for the wife's individual role. In the husband-wife relationship. Now I've not gone into a lot of detail. Remember I said I just want to get principles.

74:04 And let me say, if you as a wife have before God allowed these passages to have your soul steeped in them, and you've embraced from the heart that position, then 99 out of 100 of your individual problems are resolved if you just go back again and again to that principle, what is my place? What is my place? And when you begin to have problems, it's not because you've got great big questions here and you don't have enough information to answer them. Generally speaking, it's because at some point you've left the place that God appointed you.

74:40 And you've found it's true, you've listened well.

The Husband's Distinct Position and Responsibility: Love

74:43 You begin to have problems, this is one of the areas that needs to be reminded of, and we need to come back to it. All right? I want to move very quickly now into the specific role of the husband with relationship to the wife. As the key word for the woman is submit, I've already given it away, I wish I hadn't.

75:07 But you men, tell me now, what is the key word for you husbands? And it occurs in passage after passage. What's the key word? Love.

75:20 Well, you say, that's pretty stupid. What do you think I married her for? Well, you haven't been married long before you realize that that thing that you called love that led you to the altar, isn't going to take you very far in really learning to live with that woman in a way that reflects the relationship of Christ to the church. Right?

75:41 Unless you've got some wife dropped straight out of heaven, you'll say amen to that. Just as any wife will say amen to the fact that it's not the easiest thing in the world to be submissive to some of us who reflect so little of Christ in certain areas of our lives. The key word, then, for the husband is love. The key word, then, for the husband's responsibility is that of love.

76:09 As we think through the Ephesians 5 passage, consider first of all what is the measure of that love. And this is absolutely staggering. Verse 25, you see, we're just working through this passage. Husbands, love your wives even as...

76:25 And whenever you see even as in the Bible, the even is the top line of the equation of the equal sign. The as is the bottom. Husbands, love your wives even as equal to, commensurate with, reflective of. And here's the staggering concept of the measure of that love.

76:49 Even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up. As staggering as it is, nothing less than the love wherewith Christ loved the church is to be the measure, the ideal of the love wherewith a husband loves his wife. It's a particular, exclusive love. Christ loved the church.

77:19 He conceived that great body of the redeemed. The people he speaks of in John 17. Those whom the Father had given him. He said, I pray not for the world, but for them whom thou hast given me.

77:34 It's a love that culled out of all humanity that people whom the Father had given him. He says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Let there be but one woman in your life. Let there be around your affection for her an ironclad cage.

77:56 So that that affection does not go out to any other creature in the same way. But that wife. It's an exclusive love. A distinguishing love.

78:09 It's a self-giving love. Christ loved the church. Distinguishing love. Gave himself up for it.

78:20 Now you see the absolute difference between that which led most of us to the altar and that which makes us good husbands? There's far more romance and lust leading a man to an altar than this kind of love. And I don't think this kind of love can really be learned in any other context but the context of marriage. You can have an idea about it, the other side of marriage.

78:45 But it can only be learned. That's why he says to people who are already married. He doesn't say, you who are engaged, you husbands-to-be, love your wives. He says, no, you husbands, you love your wives.

78:58 And the measure of that love is to be Christ loved, distinguishing, self-giving. Self-giving. It'd be very embarrassing, I'm sure, if I would ask each of you husbands. How much did you really think before you were married?

79:12 And consciously contemplate this idea of love as I take this woman to be mine. My wife. And the mother of my children. Should God bless our union with the fruit of that union in little ones.

79:28 How much am I prepared to say no to my own likes and dislikes? My own plans? The things that have shaped and molded me for life? How much am I prepared to say no with joy to any area of my life?

79:45 If in so doing I can please the object of my affection? That's what Christ did. He gave himself up for the church. He demonstrated that 1 Corinthians 13 love which seeketh not its own.

80:04 Love is that divine and selfless affection. Which seeks the good of its object even at personal cost. That's why he goes on to say he gave himself up to the church. Now what was the object?

80:19 What he could do for that church that he might sanctify it having cleansed it. That he might present that church to himself a glorious church. So the measure of this love? Christ's love to the church.

80:33 What is the ground of that love? It's the mysterious union that exists between a man and his wife. Verses 28 through 31. Even so ought husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies.

80:50 He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. Even is Christ the church because we are members of his body. We've become one with him.

81:03 In the same way he says. When the man leaves his father and mother. Verse 31. He cleaves to his wife.

81:10 The two shall become one. What then is the ground of our love to our wives? The ground is the mysterious union that exists between us and our wives. Just as the ground of Christ's involvement with his church is that union with his church.

81:30 We are one with him. What happens to us happens to him. What happened to him happened to us. When he died we died.

81:38 When he was buried we were buried. When he rose we rose. Romans chapter 6. Now you say I can't understand that.

81:46 Well that's alright. Because Paul says in verse 32a. This mystery is great. And if anybody professes to understand it they don't understand it.

81:57 After you've contemplated this you ought to say. Well who can understand this? I'm still me and yet I've become one with that person. Something entirely new has been created.

82:08 The two of us have become one. We have entered into a union that is vital that is real. And yet when we've said all we can say about it we have to say. This mystery is great.

82:20 How can you understand what's happened to that person you've been joined with? Can you try to explain it to someone? I get frustrated every time I do premarital counseling. Some of you have been.

82:28 And you've seen me how frustrated I get. How can you explain? You can't. This mystery is great.

82:33 But it's that consciousness that we are one that becomes the ground of that love. And Paul goes on to say. Did you ever see a man who hated himself? Went around sticking pins in himself?

82:44 Went around kicking himself with iron boots? He said no. You watch a man. He nourishes and cherishes his own flesh.

82:52 Nicks his chin. Oh he fixes it up with a styptic pencil. See? Stubs his toes.

82:57 Soaks it in Epsom salt. He's careful to take care of himself. Why? Because his body.

83:03 He doesn't look out there and say oh that's just you old foot. You stubbed yourself too bad. Go on your own way. Well that's what Paul is saying isn't he?

83:11 He says you never saw a man hate his own flesh. He cherishes it. He nourishes it. He says alright.

83:20 When you as a husband realize that you are so joined to that wife. That she has become a part of you. Then you'll nourish and cherish her even as Christ does the church. Because he's joined himself to his wife.

83:33 Amen. See? So the ground of this love is union. Now what's the expression of that love?

83:41 Verse 29. No man hated his own flesh but he nourishes and cherishes it. Verse 33. Nevertheless do each one of you love his own wife as himself.

83:56 1 Peter 3.7 says let the husband dwell with the wife according to knowledge. Giving honor unto her as the weaker vessel. Colossians 3.19.

84:07 Be not bitter against them. What's the expression of this love? Nourishing and cherishing. You see it's a love expressed not in word only but in deed and in truth.

84:19 The word nourish means to train up. As a parent trains his child. That means the husband assumes his role as the priest in that home. Particularly with relationship to his wife.

84:31 And is concerned with her spiritual, physical. Emotional and mental development. And then the word to cherish means to warm. As a mother who holds an infant to her bosom.

84:45 To give tender loving care. This is the expression of appreciation of love and of affection. That's how this love must express itself. Nourishing and cherishing the wife.

85:00 Concerned with her development in every area. Spiritually, physically, emotionally. And then concerned to make her know that she is loved and cherished. That she is indeed at home under the ribbon.

Summary and Application: Reflecting God's Purpose and Pattern

85:18 Or under the place from which God took her. So by summary and application. Let me just draw several conclusions. Then we'll throw it open for questions you may have.

85:31 In any Christian home. The children and any people. Who have contact with you as a Christian. Husband and wife.

85:41 Should have an increasingly clear picture. Of two things. God's creative purpose. Man as the head.

85:52 A headship permeated with love. Woman in subjection. And both happy in their role. And both finding their true identity.

86:04 In that role. And they ought to have an ever increasing. Picture. Of God's redemptive pattern.

86:11 Wouldn't it be wonderful if someone asked the question. How much does Christ love the church. If your kids would instinctively say. Will you just watch my daddy.

86:20 In his relationship to my mother. They ought to be able to say that. That's what they ought to be able to say. Your children.

86:29 My children. If anyone asks them. What is this love that Christ has to his people. They ought to be able to say.

86:36 You watch my daddy. In his relationship to my mother. In his relationship to my mother. If someone says.

86:41 What is the relationship of the church to Christ. How is the church subject to Christ. What is the nature. The mood.

86:48 The extent of that subjection. They ought to be able to say. You watch my mommy. In relationship to my daddy.

86:53 Now would your children be able to say that. When the neighbor kids ask them questions like that. Wouldn't they. That's the ideal.

87:02 Now you're going to do one of two things. You're going to say. That's so high. It's unreasonable.

87:07 And you're going to pack the ideal. Don't you do that. Or you're going to say. I'm so far from that.

87:11 What's the use. Now don't you do that either. There's the ideal. Now the Lord has said it before us.

87:19 That embracing from the heart. That that's his will. We may then. Conscious as Paul says.

87:25 Who is sufficient for these things. Cast ourselves upon the Lord. For his grace. And his enablement.

87:33 Second thing I want to say. By way of summary and application. If these concepts are not the ideal. Which you have embraced from the heart.

87:42 You've got a lot of business to do with God. Sitting here and hearing these things. Won't make any difference. It's being doers of the word.

87:50 That will make the difference. And let me say in the third place. By way of sober exhortation. Until you as individuals.

88:00 Husbands and wives. Fathers and mothers. Work on the area of your specific role. Your influence on your children.

88:11 Your children will be at best. A crippling. And a very negative influence. And Peter says in 1 Peter 3.7.

88:21 It will even make your prayers. To be hindered. And so may the Lord help us. To take seriously.

88:29 This first aspect. Of the biblical framework. For the Christians.