Applications: Family Life

Introduction: The Christian's Role in a Wicked Society and the Importance of Family Life

0:00 Let me take just a moment to underscore what we have been dealing with in this conference and where we are in our present treatment of that subject. The theme of the conference has been announced as the Christian's role in a wicked society. And in the first two messages, I sought to exegete that subject by demonstrating from the Scriptures that our generation is indeed a generation that in biblical categories could be called a wicked generation. And then we attempted to define what a Christian is. For it is only a true Christian who has a divinely mandated role in this or in any generation. And then in our first session, this morning in the adult, I'm sorry, in our session last night, we concentrated on the heart of the Christian's role in a wicked society. And I sought to describe that role under two very simple headings, one positive, one negative.

1:20 The negative being that the Christian must not allow the wickedness of this generation to shape his thinking. Or his lifestyle in any area. Positively stated, the Christian is to be transformed in all of his thinking and patterns of life according to the standard of God. And we unpacked three key texts under each of those headings.

1:52 And while I said in the introduction in the adult class that if I had ten or twelve more sermons in this, I would not be able to do that. In this theme and in this conference, there are many issues that I would like to address. Because I had at that time only three more sessions, we addressed one issue that certainly must be addressed if we are in any sense to be lights shining in the midst of the darkness of this generation. And it is the issue of sexual identity, function, and purity.

2:32 And if you were not here for that hour, I commend the tape to you, not because I believe there is anything unusually profound in it, but because I do believe it sets forth in a somewhat comprehensive way the biblical teaching on what it is for us as Christians to refuse to let this present evil age stamp its notions of sexuality, sexual identity, function, and purity upon our minds and thereby regulate our lives. But what it is to be transformed by the renewing of our minds unto the actual performance of the will of God in our lives, of God's perspectives on sexual identity, what is it to be a man, to be a woman, function, what are the specific roles assigned to, to men and women, and then in particular, sexual purity and integrity? What is it to exercise this mysterious faculty of sexual desire and appetite and procreative stewardship in a manner that glorifies God? Now in this hour, I want to take up a second specific area

3:55 in which that two-fold essence of the Christian, Christian's role must be applied with great prayerfulness and thoroughness. The second area in which we must refuse to let this present age mold our thinking and shape our practice, but rather be renewed in our minds and transformed in our lives. And it is the area of domestic piety, order, and stability, or stated differently, striving to attain God-honoring family life. You have no idea of the tremendous impact of a well-ordered, God-directed family structure in this present crooked and perverse generation. For one of the tragic results of the public educational system at every level and the pressures brought to bear by materialism and an economic system geared to have the so-called two-member working family has been to erode, if not to disintegrate, God's norm for family life.

The Husband-Wife Relationship: Understanding God-Assigned Roles

5:24 And so my entreaty to you is, if you're serious, I'll give you a few minutes about fulfilling God's assigned role for you in this wicked generation, then you must strive to attain a God-honoring family life. And that must begin with right thinking about family living. And so I want to address, first of all, the husband-wife relationship, and then secondly and more briefly, the parent-child relationship, and then even more briefly, the child-parent relationship. And as best I know, unless you have domestic servants or a mother-in-law or a father-in-law or some other abnormality, that constitutes the structure of the family. First of all, then, the husband-wife relationship, and under that heading I want to say two things. First of all, there must be an accurate understanding of the understanding of the unchangeable God-assigned role of the husband and of the wife. There must be an accurate understanding of the unchangeable God-assigned role of the husband and the wife.

6:49 You say, Pastor Martin, why do you use so many words in your headings? Because words are important things, dear people, and I don't choose them just to fill up space on my list. My notes are in your brain. We are concerned not with the changeable opinions of men.

7:08 We are concerned not with the changeable social mores of any given society, be it our own or another. We are not concerned with the roles assigned by the social experts and the social experimenters. We are concerned with unchangeable God-assigned roles. And as long as God is God who designed marriage, and as long as He's revealed His mind in Scripture, which though heaven and earth pass away, shall never pass away, then we are dealing with unchangeable God-assigned roles for husbands and wives. Now, the key passages, I trust most of you know where they are. Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3, and then a brief passage that parallels Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 18, and 19. I omit Proverbs 31 in that category for several reasons, not because it is not important, but we're thinking now of these roles as they are defined in the New Covenant documents surrounded by the realities of the full revealed, revealed redemption of God in the person and work

8:33 of Jesus Christ. And that reality plays so heavily in the God-assigned role in the New Covenant documents that I am limiting my references to those documents. Now, what is the obvious teaching then on this matter? Well, let us turn to Ephesians chapter 5 and root around in that passage for a few moments together this morning.

God's Directives for Wives: Christ-Centered Submission and Reverence

9:03 Since the passage begins with addressing wives, we will give honor to the ladies among us and start with them. Having called all believers to a life of mutual subjection one to another within the body of Christ, verse 21 of chapter 5, subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ, the last of five channels by which a spirit-filled life is to be manifested. For Paul had said in verse 18, Be ye being filled with the Spirit. And then there are five participles describing the five channels cut by a spirit-filled life. And the last is the maintenances of a spirit of mutual subjection to one another in the fear of Christ. You see the general doctrine of the fear of God living with a passionate concern to have God smile and to avoid his frown in the new covenant is even called the fear of Christ. For our whole religious experience is brought to us with all of the glorious realities of the person and work of Christ suffusing Christian duty and privilege.

10:30 Then he turns to the Lord and he turns from that general directive and says, Wives, and if you have an older translation that supplies words and lets you know when it's supplying words by putting them in italics, you will see the words be in subjection are in italics. It simply says, Wives, unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. And it is the participle subjecting yourself that is carried over into this passage. From the general submission that all brethren are to render one to another as members of the body of Christ under the Lordship of Christ, wives are to render a unique subjection to their own husbands. Not to all men, but to their own husbands. For the husband is the head of the wife, whether he exercises that headship as he ought or not. He is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church being himself the savior of the body.

11:44 But, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything.

11:59 And then the final directive to the wife is, the wives, verse 33, nevertheless do you also severally love each one his own wife even as himself and let the wife see that she fear, that is, that she reverence, that she stand in a proper awe of her husband in his person and in his position. Now, to bring these directives into some simple statements that do not, that do not simplify to the point of distorting their meaning, what is the will of God, the good, the acceptable and the perfect for every wife in this place? For every single woman who hopes to be a wife? For every girl that may someday be a wife? Well, first of all, you are called to a Christ-centered submission to your husband.

12:59 Verse 22, Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. You are called to a Christ-centered submission to your husband. That's the significance of the words as unto the Lord. In other words, you cannot have a viable, genuine, spiritual relationship to Christ and be insubordinate to your husband.

13:41 You cannot enjoy true spiritual communion with Christ your Lord while refusing to do what your Lord says with reference to your husband. You are called to a Christ-centered submission to your husband which on the one hand undercuts any superpiosity of someone who claims to be spiritual while wearing the pants and calling the shots and assuming the headship of the home, but it also undercuts any unqualified submission. For the supreme loyalty of the wife is not to her husband but to her Lord. That's why he says, be in subjection to your husband as to your husband. As unto the Lord. So that at any point where the husband should ever demand that which is contrary to the revealed will of the Lord Christ, not only does the woman have the privilege, she has a moral obligation to disobey him.

14:52 A husband does not have unqualified authority over his wife. Only the Lord Jesus Christ has that. And so you as a Christian wife are called to a Christ-centered submission to your husband. When you pray, Lord Jesus, I would please you this day, your Lord says, please me by being in subjection to your husband as unto me.

15:22 Secondly, you are called to a protective submission to your husbands. Where do you find that? Well, if you look down, at verse 23b,

15:38 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, being himself the Savior, the Guardian, the Protector of the body.

15:54 Your submission to your husband is not only to be Christ-centered, it is to be a protective submission. You are to be submissive to him as the church submits to her Savior and Protector. The church is subject to the very Christ who gives himself to save her from sin, to guard and to protect her and to bring her at last safely into his presence. You are called then to a protective submission to your husband.

16:37 This obliquely tells us something about what a husband is to be. He is to take the role of the Protector of his wife, of her physical and mental and psychological well-being. Her Protector from physical danger. And as you rear your sons, may God help you men to rear men who have a sense of commitment to protect women.

17:05 I'm angered. By men who selfishly and crassly show no sensitivity or desire to be the Protector of women, of their honor, of their well-being.

17:22 This is the kind of submission to which you are called. Thirdly, you are called to an all-inclusive submission to your husbands. Verse 24. But as the church is subject to Christ and when the church is in her life what she ought to be, Christ does not exercise His will in one department or another, but Christ exercises His sovereign rights in the totality of the life of His church.

17:52 As the church is subject to Christ, receiving all of her directives from Christ the Head, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything where they agree with them.

18:10 In everything where they're convinced their husband knows better. In everything where they feel their opinion has been duly sought. No such qualification is given. Now, if you're a wise husband, you'll seek your wife's input in your decision-making because God, when He gave Adam, Eve, to be a helper answering to his need, He didn't just give him a blind, a blonde bombshell with a BB brain.

18:40 He gave her a woman with his mind as much gray matter as he had. And if Adam had any sense, when he was going to arrange a certain part of the garden, he would have said, Eve, come over here. I think this would fit best here and there, but you look at it with your feminine eyes and you tell me what you think. God made a helper answering to his need.

18:59 He did this and make a dummy who'd be a good companion in bed. He made someone who could help him in the fulfillment of his task, who would cooperate with him in the dominion he was in. He was to exercise this notion that headship means I go into my closet, weigh the issues, and come out and announce to my wife and family what we're going to do. My dear friend, that is nothing but sickening machoism.

19:27 If you run your house that way, God have mercy on you. I pity your poor wife.

19:35 And I've seen in reformed circles men thinking that's headship, that's tyranny, it's stupidity. But nonetheless, all those qualifications and husband bashing notwithstanding, wives, listen to what God says to you, wives, be subject to your husbands in everything. In everything! In everything!

20:02 Yes, but in everything!

20:09 Up to the point that a husband expects and demands that which would be patently disobedience to God's law. You are called to an all-inclusive submission. Fourthly,

20:24 you're called to a respectful demeanor to his person. Verse 33. And let the wife see that she fears. That doesn't mean go around trembling.

20:39 Old macho husband's going to come in with a frown, cracking the whip and bawling us all out. No. It means that there is a reverence in your whole demeanor toward your husband's person. You recognize him as God's appointed representative to administer the rule of God in your home.

21:03 Seeking your input sensitive to your feminine perspectives. Yes, all of that is true. But nonetheless, you are called upon to reverence him. You are called to a respectful demeanor to his person and his position.

21:21 Now, that's not all that complicated, is it? It's amazing how the market is cluttered with all kinds of books on family relationships when right here in Ephesians, Paul, by the inspiration of the Spirit, says, Wives, be in submission to your husbands as unto the Lord. You're called to a Christ-centered submission to your husband.

21:46 He is himself the Savior of the body. You're called to a protective submission to your husband. You have a right to expect that in the exercise of his headship over you, he's committed to protect you, to keep you from allowing undue demands to crush you physically and emotionally. To keep you from undue frequency of pregnancies that will turn you into an old woman before you're 30.

22:18 He won't just make you into a baby factory under the name of piosity.

22:26 It's a protective submission.

22:29 You are called to an all-inclusive submission in everything and a respectful demeanor to his person. Reverence your husband. Now, that's not a very complicated job description, is it?

22:44 You don't need to run around the bookstores and get 10 books about it. It means exactly what it says.

22:52 And what you need to do as a Christian wife is to get on your knees and if there's no time tomorrow, get on your knees while your hands are in the sink. Say, Oh, Lord, this day as unto you I embrace my husband's headship. And, oh, Lord, help me this day to know what it is to feel the comfort and the strength that comes from having a husband committed to protect me. And the more I joyfully submit, the more it will stir him up if he's a man of God to exercise a protective headship over me.

23:26 He'll regard me as a precious treasure, not a chattel to whom he gives orders.

23:33 But as Christ loves and tenderly cares for his church and protects it, so he will me. And then I am, Lord, to be submissive in all things, even to those things when we've talked about it and we don't agree. It's at that point that your submission is put to the test. Really.

23:50 Your submission's not put to the test when you both agree as to what should be done anyway. But it's when you've talked it through and hubby says, Dear, the buck stops with me before God and I'm convinced this is what we ought to do. And you say, Dear, I respectfully disagree, but I principally and religiously submit. And you're not going to hear another thing about it.

24:13 Even if five weeks from now the facts prove you were right, I was right and you were wrong, I promise not to rub it under your nose. Because that would not be reverencing your husband. That would be demeaning him. Now that's not very complicated, is it, women?

24:31 That's what God says. And if you, are to refuse to be conformed to the spirit of this age and be transformed by the renewing of your mind to prove the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, you will lay to heart that simple fourfold directive and say, Oh, God, enable me so to live by the power of the Spirit. And you husbands, what's he say to you? It's very interesting.

God's Directives for Husbands: Christ-Reflecting, Self-Giving Love

25:02 Not one command to rule. Why to submit? You'd think the parallel would be husband's rule. No.

25:10 He assumes that you will take your place of headship and rule. Verse 23, the husband is the head of the wife and he assumes that you have entered into the marriage relationship understanding that the burden of leadership and headship falls upon you. And assuming that burden, here is God's fourfold directive. Love description to you husbands.

25:38 Number one, verse 25. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church. And here's the key phrase, and gave himself up for it. You husbands are called to a Christ-reflecting commitment to self-giving love to your wife.

26:06 That's it. You're called to a Christ-reflecting commitment of self-giving love to your wife. Husbands, love your wives even as after the pattern and standard of Christ who loving his bride did not give up something external to himself. A world here, or a galaxy there, but he gave himself.

26:41 His holy, theanthropic person, the God-man, laid down his life. He gave himself.

26:53 And Paul says, you husbands, love your wives with a Christ-reflecting commitment to self-giving love to them. Secondly, you're called to a sanctification, a sanctified, self-like love to your wives. And I've wrestled for years to try to find the best way to say that, and I'm still not satisfied. You're called to a sanctified, self-like love to your wives.

27:24 Look at verses 28 to 30. Even so, ought husbands also to love their own wives not as though they were their own bodies, but as, as being their own bodies. The two have become one flesh. That's why he says, he that loveth his own wife loves himself.

27:48 For no man ever hated his own flesh. The two have become one flesh. We are now one. But he nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church, because we are members of his body.

28:04 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they too, shall become one flesh. I don't know what else to call this, but what I've called it, a sanctified, self-like love that is to be extended to our wives. Now, what man ever hated his own flesh? Did you ever go along the street and find a man sitting on the curb with a butcher knife, chopping off his fingers a half inch at a time?

28:33 Whew, that was nice. Kicked that one away. Top up and keep that away. No, no, no.

28:38 No man ever hated his own flesh unless he was crazy. But what happens? You're working in the backyard and you get a thorn. You drop all your tools, come inside, think you've died, and you come whining to your wife.

28:52 Oh, help me, I've got a big thorn. And so everybody's got to stop what they're doing until we can get that thorn out. Why? Because you love and cherish your own flesh.

29:03 When it's time to eat, you're at the table.

29:06 Why? Because you naturally love and cherish your own flesh. There's nothing wrong with that. It is proper that we should have a care for the well-being of our own flesh.

29:20 That's why I call it a sanctified self-love. But he said that is now to be extended to our wives because they are now bone of our bone, flesh of our flesh. We are one. I am to be as careful and solicitous for the thorn in her finger as I am for the thorn in mine.

29:39 And as much as I want to be understood when I have a need, I will want to be understanding when she has a need. As much as I long to be comforted and in that sense nourished when I have felt pain and disappointment, I will long to be the comforter when she has felt pain and disappointment. No man ever hated his own, own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. And so we are told even so ought.

30:16 That's a word of obligation. It has nothing to do with what you feel. You may wake up on a given day feeling grumpy as old Grumpy himself in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Grumpy was always grumpy.

30:32 You may feel up, wake up feeling just like him but it doesn't change your duty. Ought, ought, ought is a word of duty. Duties to be performed no matter what you feel like. Even so ought husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies.

30:49 He that loves his own wife loves himself. That's our calling, men. We are called to a Christ-reflecting commitment to self-giving love to our wives. From our posture of headship we are called to a sanctified self-like love to our wives.

31:11 Thirdly, we are called to a jealously guarded exclusive love to our wives. Verses 31 and 2. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great but I speak in regard to Christ in the church.

31:31 Nevertheless, do ye also severally love each one his own wife even as himself and here the emphasis falls upon the exclusiveness of the love that I exercise to my wife. We are called to a jealously guarded exclusive love to our wives and whatever love we show to our children, to our fellow men, to other women, to relatives, whatever relationships demand love in all of its multifaceted dimensions. There is an exclusive love to my wife that is shared with none other. That's what I'm called to. And I'm not to let out a little bit of that with my secretary. I'm not to let out a little bit of that with the woman next door.

32:30 I'm not to let out a little bit of that with some young woman in the church under the guise of helping her spiritually. There is to be a lock upon the door of my heart. In which there moves that unique, that peculiar marital love and there's a padlock over it and no one enters those sacred chambers but my wife.

32:58 No man ever falls morally who first of all does not loosen up the padlock. Once in a while take it off and open the latch and then irrationalize. Well, I want to be a good testimony.

33:14 No, I am called to a love that is jealously guarded in its in its exclusiveness. Each one of you severally loved his own wife and only one woman is to be loved in that way in all of the full range of what that love is and the ways in which it will manifest itself and then importing an additional thought from Peter the fourth aspect of my responsibility as a husband is this you are called to a knowledgeable honoring love. First Peter chapter 3 you are called to love your wife with a knowledgeable honoring love.

Knowledgeable Honoring Love for Husbands: Understanding the Weaker Vessel

34:10 Peter reduces his whole direction to husbands in verse 7 of first Peter 3 to these words ye husbands in like manner dwell with your wives according to knowledge let the manner of your dwelling with her exercising your headship over her with a love that reflects the self-giving love of Christ the sanctified self-love you have to yourself that exclusive love shared with none other let it be marked by knowledge by knowledge by knowledge by knowledge that means I've got to take the pains to know what makes women different from men generically and what makes my wife different from all other women specifically that's why I laugh at these books that say women like this women don't like that I say I ain't married to women I'm married to a specific woman I'm married to a woman and though there may be some general patterns and if you've never read a good responsible book on the fundamental differences in a woman's emotional patterns triggered so dominantly in most cases by her

35:39 hormonal patterns remember it wasn't Paul who gave this directive Paul the single man it was Peter the married man and he also had a mother-in-law and maybe many a time he scratched his head when his wife was in a state of PMS and wondered what in the world has happened to my wife from the sweetest most reasonable woman she has become so unreasonable she puts two and two together and gets seventy-five and lo and behold the day her period starts she comes back to the real world and two and two again equal four and she looks back and says honey forgive me I was such a witch for those five six days but at the time it all looked that way anybody know what they're talking about dwell with your wife according to knowledge I'm dwelling with a post-menopausal grandmother and as I seek to know my wife I see what's happening as her hair has turned gray and as for the first time in a skin that's been smooth as silk for years there's beginning to be a little crow's foot here a little bit of wrinkle down here I sense an insecurity and I gotta dwell with her

37:09 according to knowledge and let her know what's true that she's still the most beautiful woman in the world to me the crow's feet and the sagging chin don't change cause I know all the shared burdens and all the shared joys that lie behind those crow's feet and the lines beginning to emerge and all she needs is the reassurance that that's so and she glows dwell with her according to knowledge and as she's continually changing you've got to be continually learning what is it that makes my wife what she is who she is why she reacts that's my responsibility I'm not to sit down and compose a song like Higgins why can't a woman be like a man for any of you not aware of it in the one of the few what you might call decent plays in recent decades my fair lady Higgins in his frustration sings why can't a woman be like a man what's wrong with women they can't think like men they don't react like men that's right and that's why Peter said you've got to dwell with them according to knowledge and and that knowledge if accurate will bring you to the conclusion that she is the weaker vessel that doesn't mean she's less intelligent it doesn't mean she's

38:38 less spiritual weaker is a word of comparison she is weaker physically generally speaking she is weaker under certain pressures emotionally and what am I to do because of that reality demean her no give her added honor let me illustrate you got some of that old day by day dinnerware about that thick and bounce it on the floor doesn't even cheap doesn't even chip some of that stoneware you throw it in the microwave throw it in the dishwasher holds up week in week out year in year out and you've got some of that fine thin delicate china passed on as an heirloom got some real gold leaf around the edge it's weaker than the stoneware so what do you do go out and play frisbee with it oh no you treat it with special honor you don't let the kids set the table when you're doing that you set the table you don't let them throw that in the dishwasher you carefully with medium warmth water because you don't want in any way to erode that gold leaf you wash and you dry and you place it back you give honor unto those vessels as weaker vessels that's the picture your wife is fine china

40:07 she's not stoneware that's your responsibility man that's the sensitive kind well too bad you married her now god tells you you become the sensitive kind well i didn't have an example so what you got your bible and you got the holy ghost i'm sick and tired of this cop-out business it's not the way i'm put together oh too bad are you christian that wasn't the way you were put together either you were put together to be a child of the devil and an heir of hell and almighty god broke in and changed you and he who started the change can continue it and you can become by the grace of god this kind of a husband one who is knowledgeable and honoring in his love now in a day of arranged marriages and that was true in most of the parts to which these letters came think of how much more difficult that would have been for a woman to be submissive to a man she never chose the matchmaker chosen mom and dad or after the old tradition in fiddler on the roof matchmaker matcher find matchmaker find me a match find me a catch didn't matter they became christians and they're in the marriage state and here's a man that they were never particularly drawn to

41:36 or quote with whom they fell in love and here comes an epistle and one morning in the church at ephesus one of the elders stands up and reads it husbands love your wives wives be in submission to your husband regardless of how you entered the relationship you're in it the grace of god is with you in it and peter even envisions grace touching the wife and not the husband and he says you're in the marriage remain in that marriage and by your lifestyle be an instrument of salvation in the life of your husband now i ask you my dear friends if we're thinking biblically where do so called evangelicals say we can have egalitarian marriages with no headship vested in the man and submission in the woman there's only one way these so called evangelicals can find egalitarian marriages and i'm going to state bluntly that's by thumbing their nose at god and his word and i won't call anyone an evangelical who thumbs his nose at my god and who takes his clear word and says i don't care what god says i'm going to listen to gloria steinem and friedan

43:05 at all dear women god have mercy on you if you read the popular articles in family circle in women's day get your recipes out of them my wife still does she's a recipe nut that's going to be her greatest legacy outside of her godly example she's going to leave to her daughters divide up her recipe boxes split them up in her will to her two daughters but you be careful what you read no the bible knows nothing of egalitarian marriages and on the other hand the bible knows nothing of a carnal machoism in the name of well we've got a weak generation i'm going to be a strong christian leader in the home and you walk through the home like a marine drill sergeant barking out your orders treating your wife like she was a recruit instead of like precious china dwelling with a recording the knowledge giving honor to her as unto the weaker vessel taking the children aside and saying kids this is a hard time of the month for mommy and mommy gets a little irritated and she doesn't mean to so try to be specially careful and if you've got any problems with your homework don't bother mommy the next couple of days come to daddy dwell according to knowledge that's god's description you and i must have an accurate understanding of these unchangeable

Commitment and Spirit-Empowered Fulfillment of Marital Roles

44:34 god assigned roles for the husband and wife but i said i wanted to say two things under that head and here's the second there must be a hearty commitment to and a spirit empowered fulfillment of these roles not enough to have a clear understanding of these roles there must be a hearty commitment to and a spirit empowered fulfillment of these roles now what do i mean by a hearty commitment well the story's told whether it's true or not i don't know of the little child in the quaker service where they sit quietly you know waiting for someone to be moved upon by the quote spirit to speak and this little child was determined to stand in the pew instead of sit and finally the parent got him to sit but he leaned over and he whispered in his parent's ear me sitteth on the outside but me standeth on the inside see what he was saying i'm sitting but my heart's not in it i'm still standing my will's not been conquered i've seen christian women say well that's so plain all right i'm gonna grit my teeth and i'm gonna be a submissive wife and it's written all over them no joy no sense that they are free as a bird in their god-given

46:03 role no there must not only be an understanding of your assigned role but a hard treatment too and a spirit empowered fulfillment and why do i say spirit empowered fulfillment because here in ephesians five the directives to husbands and wives comes immediately after the imperative of ephesians 518 be not drunk with wine wherein is riot or excess but be being filled with the spirit and then you have those five participles that give the general manifestation of a spirit filled life speaking one to another in songs and hymns and spiritual songs singing making melody in your heart then he says wise be in subjection to your husbands husbands love your wives the proof that you're filled with the spirit is not that you say you heard angels wings fluttering in your devotions that you can go on in gibberish for three or four hours so called praying and praising in an unknown tongue that's nonsense the proof that you're filled with the spirit is that to some degree man if a person came to me and said I can't grasp this idea

47:32 that Christ gave himself for the church that he is the savior and protector of the body how can I put teeth into that concept I should be able to say go live in brother so and so's home for two weeks and watch the way he relates to his wife and you'll get a little idea of how Christ loves his church that's a spirit filled life or someone saying I see

48:06 subject to your husband in everything with a trustful Christ centered submission and a reverential demeanor toward her husband but I can't grasp what that concept means that the church is subject to Christ and the church reverences her Lord I should be able to say you go into so and so's house and you watch that woman you watch the way she relates to her husband and you'll get a little idea of the church's relationship dear people you can't live this way without being filled with the spirit and being filled with the spirit is not to the end that you can have shivers and shakes and let your tongue go off in gibberish it's that you might be a husband who reflects the love of Christ to the church and the wife who reflects the submission of the church to Christ then let me touch briefly upon the parent-child relationship what is the Christian's role in this wicked generation to shine as light not only in the husband-wife relationship but in the parent-child relationship and again the same two headings there must be an accurate understanding of the unchangeable God-assigned parental role and I use the same words because I want to pack in them the same words the same words the same connotations

The Parent-Child Relationship: The Father's Nurturing Role

49:34 God has defined parental roles Dr. Spock and his subsequent repentance notwithstanding he ruined a generation and then toward the end of his life in Red Book magazine he retracted and said I messed up a generation but woe be unto everyone that followed him and the embodiment of parental duty is given to us in its most distilled essence in Ephesians 6 and verse 4 Paul goes on to say Paul goes on in this chapter to speak of the other relationships in the domestic sphere and he says in verse 4 and ye fathers provoke not your children to anger but nurture them in the chastening and admonition here we are again of the Lord look at the text briefly who is addressed not parents generically Paul has said he had a word for that he used it in verse 1 children obey your parents he could have split it up into father and mother he did that in verse 2 honor thy father and thy mother but when it comes to the parent child duty he focuses upon the father the father is to be the knowledgeable hands-on

51:00 administrative head of the molding of the children he is not to be this new character that brings home the bread and then sits on the recliner reading the sports page while he sips his lemonade and grunts once in a while when the kids come by and try to make conversation what a horrible travesty of a biblical father and ye fathers and whatever part the mother plays and in the early years in particular she plays a unique part with boys and girls and in the later years in the nurturing and ripening of her daughters for the responsibilities of marriage she plays again a very unique part Paul is not demeaning the mother's role but he's putting the emphasis where it belongs upon the father who under Christ is charged with the responsibility of the nurture of those children it wasn't Joshua's wife who said as for me and my house we'll serve the Lord it was Joshua it was Joshua as the head of the home who said as for me and my house we will serve the Lord and what is the essence of the task all bound up in one little word we have the negative

52:28 provoke them not to wrath that is don't do things which unnecessarily provoke them to anger or in the parallel passage in Colossians that would dispirit them would cause them to be discouraged but nurture them there it is nurture them the only other place that word nurture is found in the New Testament is right up in chapter 5 Christ nourishes he nurtures the church what does he do when he nurtures the church he brings the church to her full redemptive potential the potential which he himself questions the purpose and for which he died he now constantly nurtures her by the word and the spirit and the means of grace in the life of the church to bring her to her full potential fathers nurture them that is the totality of their humanity their minds their bodies their psyches their emotions fathers be committed to the totality of the nurture of the whole child after the pattern of the Lord Jesus he grew in wisdom mental development he grew in stature physical development he grew in favor with man social development he grew in favor with God

53:57 spiritual development in his holy humanity he memorized his Bible verses he learned his catechism he grew in favor with God he who was God himself and that's the task that God has given to us the whole child nurtured and prepared for the whole of life may I say at this point that if the Lord carries and spares our nation from crumbling under the weight of its own sin one of the greatest encouragements to me on the horizon as a middle aged man is this I see little children in our assembly who know more sound theology by the time they're ten than I knew when I was thirty thirty five and I say oh Lord do we have some people who have developed a biblical mindset who will go into the fields of economics and politics and medicine and astronomy and education and because they have a mind that can think accurately because it's embedded in biblical categories where alone men can think accurately could it be Lord that you'll raise up men and women who will make a mark on this future generation

55:25 I tell you when I think of the potential at times I get excited oh yes I'm not taking back anything I said earlier if God should raise up a thousand and give them tremendous influence it will be a matter of degrees it will still be a world that mocks the gospel and laughs at us stupid people who believe the Bible but if God can use a Wilberforce to overturn the bastions of slavery entrenched in the social structures of England if God can use other men in mighty ways in history what God might do to me is a thrilling thing just to think about it but it won't just happen it means fathers something's got to be more important than watching the next game in the playoffs something's got to be more important than getting your handicap down from ten to five something's got to be more important than the things that consume your time that don't amount to a hill of beans and you've got to pour your life into your children to nurture that teach your sons what godly noble manhood is to shame that my own son-in-law who I love like my own son one of them

56:53 had a dad who never even taught him how to change the oil in his car change a filter on an air conditioner I'm doing it now with great delight and he welcomes his father-in-law helping him but I thought what a shame for a young man to come to life unfit to take care of the most mundane concerns in the keeping of a home thank god he did teach him a trade a marketable trade a noble trade and I'm proud to say my one son-in-law's a preacher and the other's a tailor saves me lots of money no suit I ever buy off the peg fits me but when my son-in-law is done with it it fits like a tailor-made suit and no matter what happens to the economy men need suits and haircuts so if you're a barber or if you're a tailor you're going to have work but what a tragedy where was his father what was he doing fathers here's our task to nurture our children to teach our girls what a man is by spending time with them people say girls who are happy with their fathers end up marrying their fathers what they mean by that is their idea of what a man is has been so influenced by what their father is that's what they look for but a blessed thing if that's a godly man

58:20 who nourishes and cherishes his wife who shows that he's a man both of steel when it comes to convictions but of velvet when it comes to his manner Carl Sandburg used that terminology of Lincoln he said he was a man of steel and velvet and there's a wonderful book on manhood that's written men of steel and velvet and the young girl that grows up with a dad who is steel and velvet she knows what a man is and somebody that's all velvet smooth talker sweet talker and all the rest but who doesn't have convictions and isn't willing to rear back in his hind legs and thunder them no and isn't man enough to put her in her place she doesn't want him for a husband or some guy that's all steel and he thinks unless the steel glistens at every moment at every time you're not a man and if anyone suggested he had a patch of velvet on him he'd think that was being effeminate she doesn't want that she doesn't want that but men of steel and of velvet where are they going to come from new fathers new fathers nurture them nurture them and what are the two means at your disposal look at it chastening and admonition learning by the enforcement of reward and punishment and then by verbal instruction those are your two means

Means and Source of Nurture: Chastening, Admonition, and the Lord

59:46 chastening and admonition and what is the source of this? God is the source of it all it comes from the derived authority God is vested in you it is of the Lord what is to set the parameters it is the word of the Lord what's to give you the strength it is the power of the Lord wherein do you hope that it will issue in a godly life the grace of the Lord it's the chastening and admonition of the Lord and if you and I are to fulfill our task we must have an accurate understanding of the unchangeable God-assigned role and then there must be principled spirit-filled commitment to the task principled spirit-filled commitment to the task I can remember in the midst of an already very busy schedule years ago when my son was coming into puberty there was no way in the ordinary course of family devotions that I could address the things the father ought to address and I've determined my son would never know and never find out the birds and the bees as I did a twelve-year-old kid in a corner in Stamford, Connecticut when someone told me the facts of life I was so mad I was going to go home and beat my father up I said my kids are never going to get it that way

61:12 but it meant that Saturday morning precious hours normally spent in sermon preparation an hour had to be blocked out to start taking my son through the relevant sections of the book of Proverbs and I'll never forget the day when having gone through one of those sections he began to ask the kind of questions that meant I had to take down my anatomy book and show him how God had made us and I'll never forget him saying Dad, isn't it great how God's made us and we got on our knees and we thanked God that we're fearfully and wonderfully made and though in subsequent years that son has broken my heart as he's thrown over all that he was taught no little comfort of me no little comfort amidst the broken heart is Lord he didn't go that way because I didn't instruct him he went that way because as Solomon said he chose to be the foolish son who says I did not hearken unto my teachers I did not listen to my instructors but it doesn't change our task I urge you men if you've not listened to some of the tapes from Pastor Hofstetler's series on the school of Solomon to get them and listen to them I've just finished a series of 40 Sunday school lessons on how not to foul up the training of your children

Conclusion: Call to Godly Family Life and Personal Application

62:40 Pastor Ray's excellent little book withhold not correction the helps are there what we need is a principled spirit-filled commitment to the task what is our role in a wicked generation I say our role is in many ways to be seen in one of its primary aspects right here it is that we shall have family life ordered by the word of the living God and pay any price short of sin to have it if you're here this morning and you're not a Christian I hope you've learned one thing you've sat there and you say well one thing's clear that man up there believes the Bible and he's speaking it as though he believes it's a matter of life and death you've read me rightly that's true because it is a matter of life and death and this same Bible says that if you have nothing but what you brought into this world spiritually you're in bad shape for you were conceived in sin born in sin you've lived in sin you are now under the wrath of God and there's no way for you to escape but to find escape in the person and work of Jesus Christ but the good news is that Jesus Christ welcomes all escapees who come to him

64:08 he says come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden him that comes to me I'll in no wise cast out I beg of you this morning if you're not a Christian consider your state consider Christ and his claims and his provision and for you who are the people of God who do desire with all your heart to fill your role in this generation perhaps some of you ought to after your meal and getting the kids down for your nap have a little judgment day as a father and mother husband and wife how about you husbands taking the lead and saying to your wives honey with judgment day honesty am I loving you the way Pastor Martin expounded from Ephesians 5 that I ought to love you be honest with me dear I'm ready to be hurt and wounded tell me honey do you feel your love with a love that reflects the self giving love of Christ the protective love of Christ the jealous love of Christ the knowledgeable the honoring love toward a weaker vessel ask your wife I find it very helpful to do it periodically I don't like what I hear sometimes but it's good for my soul you wives ask your husband do you really sense dear that I embrace your headship as a religious conviction unto the Lord

65:37 that I do embrace it in everything do you sense dear that I reverence your position and your person as my God given head if not where not help me dear help me that I might be light and salt in this crooked and perverse generation that's how we make progress in grace not by hearing sermons that we say well that was nice and that was good and go on our way James says you're like the man who looks in the mirror and says uh oh got a blot of coal over here and got a little bit over here I better go wash my face he walks away from the mirror completely forgets puts on his tuxedo and his finest and shows up at a banquet all dressed out in his formal best with his blotch of coal and some other dirt he forgot what manner of man he was looking in the mirror under preaching does you no good does you no good it's washing in that laver for sin and uncleanness then pleading for the grace of the Spirit to change may God help us to profit from what we've heard today let us pray our Father we thank you again for your word we thank you that it is a lamp unto our feet and a light to our pathway we ask that the Holy Spirit

67:05 will seal the things we have studied together and we pray that each listener in this place who is united to Christ may indeed become more light and more salt in this generation that we may see our role as parents as husbands and wives and by the grace of God fulfill them we pray for the children that they too will see their role to honor and to obey mom and dad that in the day when on every hand we see blatant brats unashamedly defying their parents that the children in these families would manifest a sweet spirit of submission that will commend the gospel which mommy and daddy love and believe seal your word then to these ends we plead in Jesus name Amen