Golden Rule and the Use of Your Ears

Introduction: The Necessity of the Spirit and the Word

0:04 This sermon was preached on Sunday evening, February 19th, 1984, at the Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey.

0:16 In the second stanza of the hymn we have just sung, we have confessed to our Lord Jesus, Thou art the truth. Thy word alone true wisdom can impart. Thou only canst inform the mind and purify the heart. And in a most wonderful way the hymn writer is brought into that close conjunction the objective, settled, written word of God which alone can impart true wisdom and the necessity of the ministry of the living word, the Holy Spirit, who enables us to know the mind of Christ in the written word and who alone can purify the heart. Let us pray that as we have that opportunity, that the objective word before us and presently shall be opening it together, that God by the Spirit will be present to inform our minds and to sanctify our hearts. Let us pray. Our Father, we do rejoice that we have a complete, a fixed, a final word of revelation for us in this present age.

1:35 We thank you that by this word, we can be... we can be instructed in the knowledge of yourself, all that we are to believe concerning you, all that you require of us.

Review of the Golden Rule and its Application to Communication

1:49 And yet we are very conscious that apart from the present powerful assistance of the Holy Spirit, there is such a native darkness over our minds and slowness in our hearts that we shall hear the word in vain unless your Spirit comes to illuminate us. So let us pray, that you may be able to open our minds and to sanctify our hearts. O send the Spirit upon us, that by the Spirit and the word, by the Spirit working with and through the word, we may come to a fuller knowledge of yourself and of your ways, and that we may be made more like your beloved Son. Speak to us, O God, we plead, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Now, for those of you who have not been with us for the past couple of Lord's Days, or I should say a Lord's Day five weeks ago or six weeks ago, and then last Lord's Day evening, I should mention that we are presently engaged in a relatively brief series of studies in the general area of the biblical teaching with respect to verbal communication, particularly the communication we engage in when we speak to one another in close relationships,

3:18 husbands, wives, friends, fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters, and those more intimate interpersonal relationships established by God. After beginning the series with an introduction and an overview of the biblical doctrine of verbal communication, we then began last Lord's Day evening. to apply the Golden Rule to this matter of verbal communication. Now, by way of brief review, let me read in your hearing, and then comment again only briefly upon what has been called the Golden Rule as found in Matthew's Gospel, chapter 7 and verse 12.

4:02 Our Lord Jesus Christ speaking says, All things therefore, whatsoever you, you would that men should do unto you, even so do you also unto them. For this is the law and the prophets. In other words, an entire summary of all that is required in the Old Testament Scriptures with respect to our horizontal duties, our duties one to another, is bound up in these words, whatever you, which are the term tonight, Quran Allah says, would that men should do to you, even so do you also unto them. And as we saw last week, that means that I am required, in every situation, to seek to put myself into the situation in which I find my husband, my wife, son, daughter, mother, father, friend, brother, sister, whoever it is, the person to whom I am relating, and in this particular series, with whom I'm communicating, I'm to attempt to put myself in his or her situation, contemplate all of the factors that surround that person, and ask myself this question. If I were standing

5:25 where he or she is standing, surrounded by the circumstances with which he or she is surrounded, beset with the internal circumstances with which he or she is beset, how would I want someone else to communicate to me? And having answered that question, the Lord Jesus said, you do precisely to that person what you would have others do to you were you in his set of circumstances. As you would that others do unto you, even so do you also unto them. And then we began to apply the golden rule to this matter of verbal communication particularly focusing upon the golden rule in its application to our tongues. For in all verbal communication the main ingredients are a speaking tongue and a listening ear. Last week we concentrated on the golden rule in its application to the tongue. Now tonight we concentrate on the golden rule in its application to the hearing ear. Now it's certainly

The Gospel Context of the Golden Rule

6:39 certain that you're listening but it's no surprise that while the heavenly Shanha leadership in Search of the Jew'sайн Nebuchadnezzar texts is featured on some of the new chapters that they've published. Page 7b characterized all kinds of resistance from the lawyer to the Diocese in numerous relations. They'd say, number one, we got winds if two people had an association with the Holy Trinity. ears. Now, I remind you as we come to open up the subject tonight that the golden rule in Matthew 7, 12 is not a statement of how to go to heaven. The golden rule assumes that those who receive it are the children of God. In the previous context, they are described as children who ask their heavenly Father for good gifts. So the golden rule is not answering the question, what must I do to be saved? The assumption is that those to whom it comes are forgiven in the blood of Christ. They

7:49 are accepted in the righteousness of Christ. They are regenerated and indwelt by the Spirit of Christ, and they are constrained to a life of practical holiness by the love of God. But now, constrained by the love of Christ, the law is love's eyes, and without it, love is blind. The law is love's eyes, and without it, love is blind. And the whole summation of Old Testament law is the golden rule. So if you are constrained by the love of Christ, as one regenerated and indwelt by the Spirit of Christ, you long to have something that will be eyes to this tremendous motivation of love which grace has implanted within your heart. And you long to have it not in the abstract, but in the concrete matters of the use of your tongue in communication and in the use of your ears. All right? With that general introduction and setting it in its

Application 1: Willingness to Give a Sympathetic and Attentive Hearing

9:01 proper gospel and evangelical context, now let's look at, as time permits, and as I can keep my lips from getting dry having to continue to take those antihistamines with my clogged up sinuses, we'll look at five specific applications of the golden rule in relationship to the use of our ears. Now, when the golden rule is applied to the use of your ears by the power of the Spirit of God, it is not only the use of your ears, but also the use of the power of the Spirit of God. Now, when the golden rule is applied to the use of your ears by the power of the Spirit of God, if it is guiding the use of your ears, this is the first thing it will produce, a willingness to deny yourself and give to others a genuinely sympathetic and an attentive hearing. When the golden rule is applied to your ear by the power of the Spirit, it will produce in you, first of all, a willingness to deny yourself and to give yourself to others in a genuinely sympathetic and attentive hearing. Now, think with me for a minute. When you have a heart full of a matter that has caused

10:21 you great delight, or a matter that has crushed your spirit, or a matter that has caused you great excitement, or you may have a mind and heart just filled with a desire to do good in the world that you are not Toする health and health care for your life you seek to remain debt-free, modify how your life is będ vomit, turn to good be good recovery and contribute to a prosperous life for your family members. Be determined to believe that God is really giving you full näch Neither merely anhak odelineet d Eighth graduation activity solac thermouchEEEE all together. The world, all of your connections, all your relationships, but the heart of one being, the heart of a busy man gets difficult. Especially as a believer. And it will affect him luego. Amen. cela No earthshaking news, no great exhilarating, wonderful thing has happened. But your heart is full and as a social being and as a believer. Having sense that God has broken down those you. How do you feel when, if the time, the relationship, and the circumstances are appropriate for communicating that joy, communicating that burden, communicating that big pile of trivia, and that's often what a young mother has when her husband comes through the door, but given that the timing and the relationship and the circumstances are right, how do you feel when you begin to communicate those things and a person simply will not deny himself whatever he's doing that he could legitimately deny in order to give you time enough to listen?

11:46 How do you feel? How do you feel when someone will not deny himself or herself, not relinquish duty, but deny themselves some legitimate liberty or self-interest simply to give you enough time to listen to you. How do you feel? You feel demeaned? You feel rejected? You feel like you're junk and dirt, don't you? You're all excited and you say, oh, I've got this wonderful person. Or how do you feel when they stand there and you're all excited? I mean, this thing is oozing out your pores. And you begin to communicate to them and they've got that glassy look that you feel they're looking at an object that's about six inches behind the back of your head. Your eyes are not here. They're just marking time with their ears. You know they aren't really listening. How do you feel? It kills nine-tenths of the

12:47 joy that was bubbling up in your own spirit that you wanted to share with them, doesn't it? How do you feel when something that's crushing your spirit and you seek to communicate to someone else and you know they're just there, all antsy and itchy and really disinterested? How do you feel? Come on now. Get on.

13:06 How do you feel when someone will not deny themselves enough to give you a sympathetic and an attentive hearing in a matter that is of genuine concern to you that you're seeking to communicate with them? How do you feel? You like that feeling? Do you? Come on now.

13:28 Do you like that feeling of rejection when they won't give you the time? Do you like that feeling of just pricking the balloon of your own joy? When they don't really attentively try to enter into it? All right, here's the golden rule. As you would that others do unto you in a context of being a good listener, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. That's what your Lord requires of you. As you would, so do ye. Be also unto them. That's what your Lord requires of you. Now, you husbands, this

14:19 has tremendous implications for you. Oh, yes, you're the hot-shot provider. You're out there in the world of big bucks and big shots and big issues, and your wife is home in the world of her diapers and her dishes and all the little details of what the little ones did and said. She's had no mature adult with whom to communicate at a deep level all day long, and she hasn't just met you at the door with it. She has chosen an appropriate time when you've had an opportunity to relax and have your supper and read your sport page. And now the time has come when your wife legitimately can expect some time of you, and she begins to convey to you the things that are her life. May God help you men to feel something of the pain you inflict upon her day after day, week after week, when you won't even attempt to deny yourself and enter into her world and make it yours. You say, well, I never laid a hand on my wife. In a sense, physical bruises would be easier to take than that constant

15:39 bruising of her spirit. The Bible tells us that the spirit of a man will sustain its infirmity, but a broken spirit who can bear. Some of you men need a baptism of the golden rule right there in your ears. If I could materialize the golden rule and make it into a bucket or a bowl of water, I'd take your ears and plunge them in, one at a time, and pray that with it, you could get your hands on the golden rule and make it into a bucket or a bowl of water, and pray that with it, the mighty power of God would come and do a new thing.

16:20 What about your wives? You say, don't sing. My husband wants to talk about it at the job. I don't know from nothing about this, that. So what? Would it kill you to take a little time to find out something so that you could listen with intelligence and interest? That's his world. You may be the very one who's setting him up for an extramarital affair, because his secretary is your interest. You may be the very one who's setting him up for an extramarital affair, because she's talking with him about it all day long. She's vitally interested in it. If he begins to find more emotional identification with her, and you show absolutely no interest, you, wife, you are setting him up for a possible fall, morally, by your unwillingness to deny yourself your own native, non-mechanical, non-business mentality, and to cultivate enough interest in self-denying love. If you will be able to give a sympathetic and an attentive ear to your husband. Oh, dear parents, how desperately do our children need this? You say, oh, but my kids, they

17:38 want to talk about the silliest. Yes, but that's their world. And if you're going to have them feel confident that your ears are really baptized in love when there are big problems, when they come into that kooky stage where they don't know who they are, and what they're here for, and all of the trauma of the preteen and teen years, and into the threshold of manhood and womanhood, if they do not already have a direct access to your ears and know that attached to your head, mom and dad, are sympathetic, self-denying ears, don't be surprised if they don't come and pour out the things that are so traumatic to them in those years. If you're not willing to deny yourself and give yourself and listen to their little prattle as though they were giving you inside information directly out of the Pentagon about how we propose to solve problems in Lebanon. You want to gain the confidence of kids, whether you're your own or someone else's, just walk down, kneel down, and take their little prattle like it was the most important bits of information anyone in the whole world ever listened to. And you have their hearts. Yes, you do. Yes,

18:58 you do. But you see what it involves? It involves self-denial. It involves saying no to myself for natively, just as with the speaking of my tongue, I'm inclined simply to say what makes me feel good and not stop long enough to put myself in my brother's, in my sister's set of circumstances and ask that all-important question, how would I be treated given those circumstances so with the use of our ears?

19:29 How are we going to do that? How are we going to fulfill the biblical injunctions to weep with those who weep, to rejoice with those who rejoice, to bear one another's burdens? How are we going to fulfill the mandate, provoke not your children to wrath? How are we going to fulfill the mandate, be of the same mind one to another, if we are not disclosing the deepest levels appropriate to the varying dimensions of church fellowship and relationship? Oh, how desperately we need the gold and silver of God. And as by the Spirit it is operative in our ears, it will first of all manifest itself in the manner in which I've described, a willingness to deny ourselves and to give to others a genuine, sympathetic, and genuinely sympathetic and attentive hearing. And you know to be a good listener costs. It costs, because it means you're exposing your whole life to things that may crush you, and they often do. But then in the second place, when

Application 2: Restraining Oneself Before Drawing Conclusions

20:40 the golden rule is guiding the use of our ears, we will manifest a willingness to restrain ourselves and to give to others a thorough hearing before drawing conclusions and responding.

21:01 It will produce a willingness to restrain ourselves and to give to others a thorough hearing before drawing conclusions and responding. Now once again think with me, I'm starting with ourselves, because that's where the golden rule demands that we start. When you're discussing a matter with someone, especially when there is a difference of opinion, a husband and wife are having a discussion, not a fight, a discussion. Christian husbands and wives are having a discussion not just a discussion, lives don't fight. They just have discussions that sometimes get a little heated. So there's a discussion where there's a difference of opinion. Now, what do you desire in that other person when you are coming out with your opinion, which of course is the distilled essence of all wisdom? It has in it embodied all that is necessary to think rightly and properly on that given subject. Now, what do you desire in the person with whom you're discussing?

22:07 Well, what you desire is that they will look at you and listen to you, keep their mouths shut, and really make an honest effort to hear out your case thoroughly before they judge your case or respond to it. Isn't that what you want? How do you feel when you're trying to discuss something with someone and the first half of a sentence is out of your mouth, and while you're sucking in dust? Breath at a comma. They've already sent the case to the jury back with a verdict, and out comes this machine-gun-like response. You just feel like saying, why bother? You can't reason with that person. You can't talk with that person. Their mind's already made.

22:49 Isn't that the most frustrating thing, especially if it's someone you just can't get up and walk away from? Like a husband or a wife? Like a mom or a dad, a son or daughter, a brother or sister in the fellowship of God's people, a work associate? How do you feel? Now, put yourself in that terrible place. We've all been there. How do you feel? Well, as best you know, you're not just being willfully perverse. I mean, you didn't get up that morning and say, I feel perverse. First person I meet, wife, husband, son or daughter, I'm going to show my perversity. No, an issue came up in which you really have what you feel is an accurate assessment of that given set of circumstances. And what do you desperately want when you enter into discussion? Well, you want that person to give you the fair, thorough hearing before they respond. And how do you feel when they don't? You feel absolutely discouraged. Or, if you have as

23:45 much remaining carnality as some of us do, you may cut in on them, and then you have a shouting match. And there's no rational thought. There's so much heat, there can't be any light. Isn't that what happens? Well, how can we avoid that? Here we bring the golden rule.

24:07 Even so, do you also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. This is exactly what the writer of Proverbs is addressing when he says in Proverbs 18 and verse 13,

24:25 these words that we need to pray God to etch upon our hearts, he that gives answer before he hears, it is folly and shame unto him. Now, see, usually the person who gives answer before he hears is so convinced he has the word on the subject, he is so wise and so discerning that whatever you say could not overthrow his wisdom and discernment, so why bother to hear you out? God says it is not a manifestation of wisdom on his part, it is a manifestation of folly, and it will be to his shame. Not that.

25:07 Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that.

25:08 Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that.

25:08 Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that.

25:09 Not that. Not that. answers before he hears. He who will not discipline his spirit to listen and hear a man out thoroughly.

25:19 Hear your child out thoroughly. Yes, it seems as though what they did was an act of high-handed rebellion, but they've got an explanation. Hear them out. It just may be that there are one or two factors which, when they are established, will indeed justify their account of it. And how does that child feel when he can't even get a fair hearing from his dad, from his mom? He that answers before he hears a matter, it is accounted unto him shame and folly. And the words of James in James 1.19 be, Wherefore let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, for the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God.

26:11 The indication is that when we're quick to speak, it's often motivated by carnal wrath.

26:19 Be swift to hear, slow to speak, for the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God. Take the golden rule and apply it to the ear. In the family, husbands and wives with a legitimate difference, children and parents, parents and children, brothers and sisters, in the life of God. God's people, those with whom we work, do you see what would happen if for one day the golden rule were applied to every ear in every situation where there was communication in the context of a legitimate difference? What a difference it would make. Reason would prevail and instead of heated passions and people's spirits that are battered and pushed down for feeling that their opinion is not worth anything. There could be even where there was not oneness of mind, there could be graciousness of spirit to agree to disagree peacefully and honorably and in a godly manner. So I was trying to put this concept into something you could relate to in the realm of imagery. For some reason I thought of a hair trigger on a revolver. You know what a hair trigger

27:41 is if any of you have ever done any shooting at all with revolvers? A hair trigger is a trigger that is so adjusted that it takes the slightest amount of pound pressure on the trigger to cause the hammer to release and send that bullet shooting out the barrel. And you have to be very, very careful if you're handling any firearms that have a hair trigger because you just may be sighting in the gun, beginning to squeeze and before you know it it goes off. Well you know there are some people that have a hair trigger that goes right from their ear to their tongue and the slightest bit of verbal pressure on their ear starts their tongue shooting off.

28:14 You know what the golden rule will do? It will adjust the spring on your ear. It will adjust the tension on your ear. You'll take a lot more verbal pressure before your tongue starts wagging. Now some of you have a hair trigger going from your ear to your tongue.

28:33 Ask God the Holy Ghost to bring the mechanism of the golden rule and adjust your trigger. He who answers before he hears a matter, it is shame and folly to him. Be swift to hear, slow to speak. And if we would simply take the golden rule seriously when we enter into that kind of a situation and lift up our hearts in prayer to God and say, Oh God, as my wife and I discuss this, as I discuss this with my son, my daughter, Lord as I try to speak to mom and dad about this, Lord help me in this situation as I would that others would do to me. Help me to do to them. Lord give me the ability truly to hear them out. Help me to do to them thoroughly and to understand where they're coming from before I respond. Then there is a third way in which the golden rule applied to our ears will manifest itself and it's this. We will make an honest effort. Hear me now. We will make an honest effort

Application 3: Putting the Best Construction on Meaning and Motive

29:39 to put the best construction on the meaning and the motive of what we hear. If the golden rule is at work in our ears then it has to manifest itself. Hear me now.

29:51 ears. We will make an honest effort, I didn't say perfect, but an honest effort to put the best construction on the meaning and motive of what we hear. Now again, put your thinking cap on, and let's enter into this common experience together. You're speaking to another person.

30:15 Now, how do you react when either from that person's mouth and the way they respond to what you say are so often, and it's tragic that it's true, but it is nonetheless true. To another party, you find that both the meaning of your words and the motive of your words from the time they came out of your mouth and entered their ears were permeated with the most evil connotations. The worst possible construction that could be put on your words, they put on it, and the worst motive. The worst motive for those words they put on it. Now, how do you feel when people do that to you? Answer me, how do you feel? Not verbally, but mentally. How do you feel? Someone

31:05 you felt confident enough to enter into innocent banter. As we said last week, one of the expressions of confidence in a relationship is innocent banter. How do you feel when you engage in a little bit of innocent banter, and it comes back to you that the person really believed that you were putting them down and deliberately insulting them and making them feel like you were putting them down? How do you feel? Can you relive that feeling? I tell you, I feel sick just thinking about it. I don't want to dwell on it. The grieving that comes, because if you have a heart for people, you're not indifferent as to how your words affect people. They don't say, ah, well, you win some, lose some. No, if you have a heart for people, you are concerned whether your words are healing words or destructive words. How do you feel when they put the worst possible construction on the meaning of your words? How do you feel when they look the word out? How do you feel when they look behind your words, that had no surface or hidden motive, the motive was upfront in the very words. And they were able to dig behind

32:04 it, and drag out all kinds of evil, insidious motives, and not even suspect that they might be there, but assume that those motives were yours. How do you feel? How do you feel? Well, as you would that others do unto you, even so You also unto them, for this is the law.

32:31 What do you want people to do with your words? You want them to put the best possible construction on the meaning of the words and on the motive.

32:41 You want them to apply the simple canons of our own jurisprudence as fouled up as that system is. A man is innocent until proven guilty.

32:54 The text that interweaves itself with the golden rule and in a sense is a parallel to it is found in 1 Corinthians 13 with reference to one of the manifestations and actings of love. Love is described in terms of what it does do and in terms of what it doesn't do. One of the things it does not do is this. 1 Corinthians 13 and verse 5.

33:28 Love does not behave itself unseemly, does not seek its own, does not take account of evil. The old authorize thinks no evil. That's the quality of love. Thinks no evil.

33:51 Now I'm going to open this up with a little more fullness than some of the others because I think there's some of you here who desperately need it. There are some of you and there are many of God's people who are hyper defensive, hyper sensitive and hyper insecure. And they're the ones who are constantly putting the worst construction on the words and the motives behind the words of others. They are like one huge sore toe and any word that touches them, they're sure someone formed into a big lead ball and threw it at their toe.

34:31 Constantly. On the defense. Constantly. Hyper sensitive.

34:37 Arraised. Eyebrow to them is a scolding.

34:44 And so insecure that they can't bear even a word in jest.

34:50 Now granted, the Bible says we who are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak. When we're in the presence of people whom we know at their present level of sanctification haven't made much progress from hyper defensiveness and hyper sensitivity and hyper insecurity to a more balanced spiritual state. Granted, if we know, that we need to do all within our power not to be an unnecessary occasion of stumbling. I'm fully aware of that.

35:20 And by the grace of God, I seek to practice that in my personal and in my ministerial responsibilities. But with some people, the whole world would be brought into miserable bondage. Everyone would have to think through every word for three hours before they dare utter, a word in the presence of some people. And it is wrong to expect the whole world to come into such bondage because you won't stop groveling in this carnal kind of hypersensitivity.

35:59 There comes a time when you need to stop taking yourself so seriously. You're just not important enough for people to sit around and think up all the mean things you think they're saying about you. Frankly, you've got a too exalted opinion about yourself. And often, with so-called insecure people, there is this terrible anomaly.

36:19 They are some of the most proud people in all the world. They really think that I and the elders and other people in church have nothing to do but sit around and think up all kinds of ways to say mean things in a veiled way. Life's too short for that, my dear people. Altogether too short for that.

36:39 You have too high an opinion of yourself. Frankly, people have more important things to do, so why don't you come out of your little dream castle? You say you believe God in Jesus Christ has redeemed you? That God loved you enough to send His Son to die for you?

37:00 You believe that God was determined enough to get you into the orbit of His own grace? That He sent His Spirit to illuminate your darkened mind and to renew your perverse will? To draw you to His Son? Then what are you?

37:16 You're ruffling in this self-pity form. Pity me, pity me. Everybody hates me. Nobody loves me.

37:23 I'm going out in need of words. What a terrible travesty on the Christian faith. And this being hypersensitive. Always being offended where no offense is meant.

37:40 This insecurity. Why do you need to be so insecure? Are you held in bonds of eternal, covenantal love? Are you sealed to the day of redemption?

37:50 Are you entrapped into Christ? United to the head and to the members of His body? Then you have no grounds for this maudlin, constantly crippling insecurity. As you would that others do unto you.

38:08 Stop thinking about yourself long enough and you start thinking, how would I feel if my well-intentioned words, with nothing but the highest motives and nothing but intention for good, were constantly construed as being destructive and negative? How would you feel, my insecure friend? Will you stop doing that to others? Stop it!

38:30 Stop it! Would you say, I can't? Will you go to Christ and cry to Him until you can? Be determined that you must.

38:41 And you will see that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. There are a few kind of people that I find it most difficult to pray that God will give me grace to be around than that kind of people. I can be around the people who haven't yet learned some of the basic elements of social acceptability. They can have body odor and have clothing that's all strudely and doesn't match and speak bad grammar.

39:10 And I have no trouble being at ease with people like that. After a while, I try to teach them how to put the right colors together and shine their shoes. As much as lieth in you, do good to all men. So I try to do them a little good and help them.

39:23 But that's not a problem. But one can be around the most cultured, educated, refined person. But if you sense that they fit that category of being hyper-defensive, hyper-sensitive, hyper-insecure, it's like you're constantly trying to sail your little ship through a bay full of floating mines with a hundred mine triggers sticking out. And you're just afraid to twitch the oar left or right.

39:48 And you get frozen. Something's going to blow. You know? You know people like that?

39:55 You know people like that? May God have mercy if you're one of them. Now, we love you. But God's put you here.

40:04 Not that all the little boats will sit there with their anchors sunk in the bay and not go anywhere, but that you learn how to get defused. And God the Holy Ghost will come and break off some of your tiring pins so that people can bounce off you. And you can laugh and they can laugh and say, oh, I hit another old dove. Good.

40:23 It's a dove. May the Lord make doves out of some of them. Pull all your firing pins off. It's a wonderful thing to live closely with doves.

40:36 It really is. And to go to people and say, brother and sister, you know, I said something yesterday and my spirit was really breathed. That wasn't really kind and gracious. Will you forgive me?

40:48 Never thought a thing about it. Forget it. What a delight to live with people like that. But to live with people that six months afterwards you sense this, whoa, you're going to die.

40:56 You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die. You're going to die.

40:57 And you can't figure out, what have I done? So I'm using my deodorant. Hair's cold, as far as I know. You ask your wife, honey, has my breath been particularly bad recently?

41:08 Is there something wrong? And then lo and behold, they finally pull the plug. And they go back to some little piddling instance months ago. And it's been stewing and brewing in their spirits all that time.

41:24 And when they tell you what it was, in 30 seconds, you can tell them you've completely misconstrued. compartments. What a terrible thing. Dear people of God, isn't life too short?

41:39 Isn't the world too great a mess to be spinning our wheels with that kind of crippling sin? What do we need? We need a fresh baptism of the Golden Rule upon our ears. We need to change the imagery.

Application 4: Willingness to Receive Legitimate Reproof

41:53 We need to have God the Holy Ghost create an ear filter for us made up of the Golden Rule. So that everything that comes in, comes back. comes through that too as you would that others do unto you how do I want others to receive into their ears my well-intentioned words perhaps awkwardly spoken that had no hidden motive that had no negative connotation or purpose well as you would that others do unto you even so do ye also unto them for this is the law and the promise well I must hasten on to the fourth manifestation of the golden rule upon our ears when the golden rule is applied to our ears by the enablement of the spirit you will seek to cultivate you will seek to cultivate a known willingness to hear and receive legitimate reproof rebuke and correction if the golden rule is working itself into your ears you'll seek to cultivate a known willingness to hear and receive legitimate reproof rebuke and admonition now once again same pattern let's think together here you have seen a matter in your wife, your husband, son, daughter

43:21 friend, fellow church member, classmate whatever that personal relationship is and constrained by a number of biblical passages you believe it's your God-given responsibility either in the language of Matthew you believe great or let the Holy Lord tell you what makes you alive to judge someone or manipulate him or take any fried-up template to judge andACKLE or try to turn his love into something important but normally it's especially important to present a besonders rather than before doubt-君 a sinner who is set against you and they control you spirit of meekness, seeking to restore, or in the language and spirit of Hebrews 3.13, you're seeking to exhort another day by day while it's called a day, lest any be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. How do you feel when motivated by those biblical perspectives, having prayerfully considered what you're going to say, you approach a brother or a sister as tactfully, as graciously, as gently, as Christ-like as God enables you to approach them, and the minute they sense you're going to deal with their sin, they bristle, they start to justify themselves, you see the red creeping up the back of their necks and into

44:50 their ears, you see the fire coming into their eyes, and in less than three minutes, you know it's all over. How do you feel? How do you feel?

45:03 You feel the pain of unrequited love, of unfulfilled love. It was the love of Christ that constrained you to go in the spirit of these passages that I quoted that are fundamental biblical duties which church members have one to another, that husbands and wives have to each other and to their children, and that even children have in a certain dimension to their own parents. How do you feel when simply attempting to obey the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God, and to the law of God? You say the Bible out of biblical motives. You meet with resistance in the ear of the one to whom you go. Well, the golden rule says, as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. For this is the law and the promise. How do you like to be received? You love to sense that

46:01 even though as you begin to speak in a hesitating way, you're trying to be so tactful, so you're starting on the outside and beginning to tighten the circle, and once the brother or sister sees what you're doing, they put a hand on the shoulder, or they say to you, look, I think you've got something on your heart you want to talk to me about concerning my life. Go straight to the point. I want to know anything I'm doing that's displeasing to God. Well, after you get a respirator and take some oxygen, what a joy it is to pour out your heart and tell that brother or sister what's on your heart. Isn't that a great delight when you're received like that, isn't it? I tell you, when we get received like that as elders, those are times we get back together and we say, look, maybe we ought not to quit. Maybe we ought to pray that God will give us grace to carry on a little more. You get a string of the other and you say, I've spent my strength for naught. It's crushing. Not so much personally that you're rejected.

47:06 It's the crushing that you know. Oh, everything the Bible says about the fool who will not listen to correction. The Bible has a doctrine concerning resistance to correction and rebuke. And that doctrine says such a person is a fool. He's in the way of death. He's in the way of destruction.

47:30 You read the book of Proverbs and it's frightening what God says about the person who will not receive correction. So if we're applying, the golden rule to our ears, what will we seek? We'll seek to cultivate a known willingness, that is, to earn the reputation of being one who delights to hear and to receive legitimate reproof, rebuke, and admonition. And when we do, then Proverbs 25, 12 is lived out before our eyes as an earring of gold.

48:12 And an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear. What does that earring of gold and that ornament of gold do? Why, it is a thing of beauty in itself and it enhances the beauty of the wearer. And he said in the same way, when a wise reprover, as it were, is hung upon an obedient ear, it's a thing of beauty. Now, my friend, have you got the kind of ear that makes it easy for people to hang upon it, the earring of reproof? Do you have the kind of neck that bends willingly to receive the ornament of gold, reproof, and admonition? Have you earned the reputation of being approachable with reproof? Have you? You say, I don't know. Do you want to find out? Because I'm not so sure. Well, then you really don't want to find out.

49:29 You want to find out? Start asking a few people who know. Solemnly charge them to say nothing to you in answer to that question, but what they be prepared to say in the day of judgment in the very presence of Christ. You husbands, solemnly charge your wife, dear, answer me with the honesty that God will make you answer in the day of judgment.

49:51 Am I easily reproved, admonished, and rebuked?

49:59 Ask it. Gather your children around. Ask them, do you feel comfortable coming to Dad and pointing out his faults, or are you scared to death that I'd hand your head to him?

50:16 You wives, ask your husbands.

50:21 Ask your elders. If you've been here any length of time, as I look out over this congregation, I can see some of you that I don't need to wrestle in prayer when I see something that I feel may need reproved. I feel total liberty to come to you in any set of circumstances apart from a public situation, put my hand on your shoulder, and give a wise word of reproof. You've earned the reputation for having an ear that loves that ear.

50:50 There's some of you I have to wrestle with God and wait for weeks and sometimes months to try to find the right time and to pray up enough courage because you've earned the reputation for being stiff-necked.

51:04 Ask your elders. Ask some of your close friends. Dear ones, we're not playing games. This is serious business.

51:17 If you have an ear that feels the pressure of the golden rule and the power of the Holy Spirit, you will earn the reputation for being one who has a willingness to hear and to receive legitimate reproof and admonition. And then, finally, I told you we'd get through five, God willing, and we'll look now at this fifth.

Application 5: Ears as Safe Deposit Boxes, Not Echo Chambers

51:45 If the golden rule is operative upon our ears, we will seek to have ears that are safe deposit boxes and not showcases or echo chambers.

52:02 If the golden rule is working in our ears, we will seek to have ears that are safety deposit, not deposit boxes and not showcases or echo chambers. Now think with me again. Think with me again. How do you feel when in communicating with others, though you may not have said so explicitly and got from the one to whom you're communicating a vow that they would never tell another, the very nature of the concerns that you shared and bared your heart in the context of trusting love, it would be evident to anyone that those things were said in the context of trusting love.

52:40 In the context of that intimate friendship.

52:43 How do you feel when three months later you find that that person's ear became an echo chamber from which those deep secrets of your heart were spoken to others? How do you feel? Do you feel betrayed? Wounded?

53:02 Crushed? And you're tempted to say, I'll never trust another human being with my secrets. And one of the reasons so many people are desperate, driven into a shell in which they do not communicate at a deep level with anyone is they've been burnt too many times.

53:25 And they've become shell-shocked.

53:29 What a tragedy.

53:31 I pity the man, the woman, the boy, the girl who must keep bottled up the deepest secrets of his heart. Now there are some things that no one should know but God and you. I'm not talking about some kind of evangelical confession. I'm talking about some kind of rationalism where we tell it all.

53:50 No, no. Discretion dictates that some things will be known only to God, will only be spoken to the ear of God. But the Bible does say, confess your sins one to another. Pray one for another.

54:03 And it is perfectly legitimate that some of the deepest actings of the heart and struggles be borne by another brother or sister, husband or wife. The problem is that the goal is not to be fulfilled in one way or another. The goal is not to be fulfilled in one way or another. The goal is not to be fulfilled in one way or another.

54:21 The goal is to be fulfilled in one way or another. And one day we will be able to fulfill it. We can't fulfill it all at once. And I want you to think for a moment as to what was that mistake that we've made at the birth of Jesus Christ and the sacrifice that He gave to Jesus.

54:39 And one of the things that we must remember in the Bible is that the example of Jesus Christ is not a myth. been shared in confidence in Proverbs 20 and verse 19. He that goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets. Therefore, keep no company with him who opens wide his lips. If there's a direct conduit from a man's ear to his mouth, stay clear of him. Maybe that's why some of you don't have close friends. You say, nobody loves me. Well, maybe it's because you've earned the reputation of having a direct conduit from your ear to your mouth. Well, if you've earned it, don't complain about others. Repent and change your ways. Live down your reputation and earn some credibility of being a faithful person who can be entrusted with secrets. Now, it should be obvious as we draw our meditation to a close that when we talk about the ear as well as the tongue, we're really not just talking about the ear and the tongue, are we? When we talked about a tongue that was influenced by the golden

The Heart as the Source and the Need for Spiritual Transformation

55:45 rule, we're really talking about the ear and the tongue. We're really talking about the ear and the tongue. We're really talking about the ear and the tongue. We're really talking about a heart, aren't we? And that's biblical. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. But you know what God does? And I was discussing this with my wife driving over tonight. It's one of the things I love about the Bible. The Bible deals in the concrete as well as in imagery. And God knows we're so deceptive that if it all it talked about was having a good heart that would ultimately produce the right words and the right use of the ears, we'd all kill the kid ourselves if we got good hearts. But God sees reproof. Well, really, receiving reproof is a matter of the heart, isn't it?

56:21 But you see, you could kid yourself, oh, yeah, my heart's open to reproof. The only thing I can't stand is Brother So-and-so telling me my faults. Oh, yes, my heart's open to reproof. I just can't stand having my elders straighten me out in the matter. Oh, my heart's right in the matter. So what does God do? God puts it right out there on the ear. Same thing with your tongue. You say, oh, my heart's right. I just have a few problems with my tongue. And God says, your tongue, in a real sense, is the echo of the heart. And God says, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And if you've sat here tonight and been devastated by what you've heard, you say, I could never live that way. I couldn't use my ears that way for one day. My friend, that's an indication of what the state of your heart is. And that's why Jesus said, except a man be born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God. The kind of life we've been talking about tonight is to be lived by the true sons and daughters of the kingdom.

57:19 Those for whom God is their Father, and they've come to know him as Father through Jesus Christ, they have not only come to rest in the finished work of Christ as their only hope of forgiveness and acceptance with God, they have been given the spirit of Christ who has come to break the dominion of sin, who resides within them to continually purify them from the remnants and the remains of sin. And it's only if you're in Christ that you can begin to have a true sense of your life. The life you've lived so far is one that you could make a start in, say that it has already been a little more than a year, and every year will be possible. For you, when you do that, it will not be a very long term experience. You will be living in an even more beautiful world in which your life will be beautiful, so that you are going to live a full life, and you will feel that your life will be remarkable because you are going to live wonderful things. God loves you. God loves you. H� HETH HETH whence you have fallen, think and that's part of our problem we simply don't take enough time to think this issue through it takes time to put myself in the other person's circumstances analyze his circumstances think them through accurately and thoroughly and then to say how would I be spoken to given his circumstances, well having

Practical Implementation and Prayer for Grace

58:43 ascertained that, that's the way I am determined that I shall speak but you say pastor I can't do that in every situation, there are times when much of my conversation just has to flow and it's reflexive, yes that's true, but there are many times you can do this, and listen carefully the more you do this when you can the more you will with renewed and cultivated spiritual reflexes, speak within that framework even when you don't have time to think about it you cultivate by the spirit's grace and power a discipline of perspective and a framework and you'll be amazed at what God will do, so start in the areas where you can start when you've got something of a critical nature that you've got to talk about to the children, don't just plunder in and say alright I'm going to talk to you son, alright pray, think through, say now how would I feel when I was 13, can I think back when I was 13, didn't know who I was all gawky and braces and pimples and I wasn't a little girl anymore and I wasn't a woman and I wanted to be a little girl but something in me wanted to be a woman, who in the world am I crazy mixed up teenager can you think back and remember and how did you feel when your dad just treated you either like a little kid or expected you to respond like a mature adult, you felt betrayed and cheated

60:11 don't forget that, as you would that others do to you, think back how did I think, how did I act what did I long from mom and dad alright, think the thing through pray over the matter, discuss it with your wife and then when you have that time the golden rule is gone before conditioning your tongue and then when that child starts to respond to you and you've thought out this case and you thought it had it all laid out and lo and behold she or he begins to say something that throws your whole case into a cock tat and your first response is to defend yourself, then you remember wait a minute, as you would that others do to you, how did I feel when my dad wouldn't let me reason with him he felt because he was 30 years older than I, he knew everything how did I feel and then you let the golden rule bring its pressure upon your ear and you bite your lip and control your spirit and you hear out your teenager and lo and behold by the time he or she is done you see they were right and you were wrong and then by the grace of God you're man enough to say honey, son I was wrong will you forgive your daddy, I really thought prayed about the matter and see but you've told me things tonight that I didn't realize and those facts that you've told me put the whole thing in a different light and you're willing to admit isn't it a wonderful thing that homes operate that way, now is that some far off pie in the sky dream, no it isn't thank God there are homes

61:39 in this church that operate that way but there aren't enough and those of you who have mostly young children you're setting the framework now that will either make it possible or impossible to resolve the tensions and the growing dynamics of interpersonal relationships in your home as your kids get older but you say pastor that's going to take time you bet your boots it's going to take time but that's what your Lord demands of you but it's not only going to take time it's going to take earnest prayer and crying to God and going again and again to the throne of grace that God will afresh baptize your tongue and your ears in the spirit of the golden word and that God will give you all of the needed grace and wisdom to apply these principles to your communication I've been so encouraged this week several have said how in specific situations the meditation of last Lord's day has met them and stood them in good stead oh may God grant that these considerations will have a deep and a lasting effect upon us as the people of God let us pray to that end our Father we are known to you all things are naked and open before your eyes

Concluding Prayer and Call to Repentance

63:04 we stand tonight self condemned before your word for so many times we have not used our ears in a manner that reflected sensitivity to this portion of your word forgive our selfishness forgive our insensitivity to others forgive our brokenness our bullheadedness that's made it difficult for people to get through to us with their words forgive oh Lord every sin arising from our unsanctified ears we pray that your Holy Spirit will take this word and apply it with power and enable us as a people young and old alike in all of the use of our ears as we would that others do unto us even so to do also unto them hear us oh God hear us and help us for Jesus' sake Amen