Effective Fatherhood, Part 2

Recap: Fundamental Grace and Essential Behavior for Effective Fatherhood

0:02 May I urge you to turn with me in your Bibles to 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, and follow as I read the opening paragraph of that chapter, verses 1 through 12. 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, verses 1 through 12.

0:27 For yourselves, brethren, know our entering in unto you, that it hath not been found vain, but having suffered before and been shamefully treated, as you know, at Philippi, we waxed bold in our God to speak unto you the gospel of God in much conflict. For our exhortation is not of error, nor of uncleanness, nor in guile, but even as we have been approved of God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God. God, who proves our hearts. For neither at any time were we found using words of flattery, as you know, nor a cloak of covetousness, God is witness, nor seeking glory of men, neither from you nor from others, when we might have claimed authority as apostles of Christ. But we were gentle in the midst of you, as when a nurse cherishes her own children. Even so. Being affectionately desirous of you, we were well pleased to impart unto you not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because you were become very dear to us.

1:48 For you remember, brethren, our labor and travail, working night and day, that we might not burden any of you. We preached unto you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and God also. How holily and righteously and unblameably we behaved ourselves toward you that believe, as you know how we dealt with each one of you, as a father with his own children, exhorting you and encouraging you and testifying to the end that you should walk worthily of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

2:31 Last Lord's Day was the day designated. It was designated in our national calendar as Father's Day, and I used that occasion to address myself to a most vital subject, the subject of effective fatherhood. And my method was that of focusing on the principles of effective fatherhood as exemplified and illustrated in the spiritual fatherhood of Paul and his companions. A spiritual fatherhood recorded here in 1 Thessalonians 2, verses 1 through 12.

3:15 Paul reasons, as it were, from the principles of natural fatherhood to the principles of spiritual fatherhood. What we are doing is taking the passage in which there is explicit reference to the spiritual fatherhood and digging back. To the principles of natural fatherhood. And our time last Lord's Day was taken up in isolating but two of those principles of effective fatherhood as set forth in 1 Thessalonians chapter 2.

3:52 The first is what I call the fundamental grace necessary for effective fatherhood. And that grace, so beautifully illustrated in the Apostles, and his companions, is the grace of intense, sensitive, self-giving love. Paul could say in verse 7 that as a spiritual father he was as gentle as a nursing mother. As a spiritual father he was selfless to the point of being willing not simply to impart the contents of the gospel, but his very life.

4:31 And furthermore, he went on to say, that that love that he bore to them as a father was a love that was willing to spare no pains to accomplish its goal. He mentions in verse 9 that he labored night and day that he might not be a burden to any one of them. And so if we are to be effective fathers after the flesh, we must know increasing measures of this grace of intense, sensitive, self-giving love. And so if we are to be effective fathers after the flesh, we must know increasing measures of this grace of intense, sensitive, self-giving love.

5:09 But then we concentrated on a second principle of effective fatherhood found in our passage, and it's what I call the behavior pattern essential for effective fatherhood. It is not enough that a man have a heart suffused with intense, sensitive, self-giving love. That love must be exercised during intercourse. in a context of an exemplary life.

5:38 And so Paul can say in verse 10, you are witnesses and God also. In other words, it was no sham. I was not one thing before you in public and another thing before the eye of God in private. What you saw is what was.

5:56 God is witness to this and He speaks of a lifestyle that was holy with reference to God, righteous with reference to His law and blameless with respect to those who beheld it. And I sought to underscore on the occasion of articulating that principle that unless a father couches his administration of fatherhood in the context of real, consistent, practical godliness, there is little hope that his influence will be a positive, now assuming that God in His grace has brought a father to the place where at least in some measure the grace of sensitive, self-giving love is burning within his heart towards his children, assuming that by the grace of God a pattern not of sinlessness but of real, consistent godliness has been established, what precisely is this father to do in the administration of his task of fatherhood? If love as the essential grace is within a man's breast, if his behavior pattern is one marked by consistent godliness,

The First Factor: Setting Specific, Biblically Derived Goals

7:23 what precisely is he to do in being an effective father? Well, the passage answers that question, and we want to concentrate our attention this morning, then, upon the two basic factors constituting effective fatherhood. Now, do you see the progression? We've looked at the fundamental grace, essential to effective fatherhood, the behavior pattern essential to effective fatherhood, now the basic factors which actually constitute effective fatherhood.

7:59 And there are two. The first is, the setting of specific goals for the development of our children, and secondly, the consistent use of means calculated to attain these goals. And where do I find that in the passage? Well, obviously, in verses 11 and 12.

8:20 As you know how we dealt with each one of you as a father with his own children, exhorting you and encouraging you and testifying to the end, And that you should walk worthily of God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. Now let's take the first of those two factors that constitute effective fatherhood. The setting of specific goals for the development of our children. Paul, in writing to the Thessalonians, taking up the imagery of his role as a spiritual father, says that everything that he did as a spiritual father, in verse 11, had a self-conscious and specific goal. Look at the language of verse 12. To the end that you should walk worthily of God. And the words, to the end, are words describing the goal which the apostle and his companions, had in all of their labors among the Thessalonians.

9:36 What they did as spiritual fathers was all pointing towards this one grand goal, namely, the Thessalonians walking worthily of God. If you were, as it were, to drop down in a helicopter in Thessalonica, and see the apostle in the wee hours of the morning making tents, and throughout the day preaching in the synagogue, taking individuals aside, and admonishing and exhorting, if you were to see him amidst all of his labors, and break in at any point, tap him on the shoulder, and say, Paul, what in the world are you trying to accomplish? What are you doing burning the midnight oil making tents? What are you doing preaching like a madman in the synagogue, and risking your own hide in the face of the unbelieving Jews? What are you spending so much time, and pouring out your soul on behalf of these Thessalonians for? Paul would say, I have a clearly defined golden view. It is my passion that under God my labors may result in nothing less than these Thessalonians, who once were idol worshippers, as he describes them in chapter 1, now so walking in every detail of life, as to have a walk that is worthy, of the God who in grace has called them into his own kingdom,

11:05 and will ultimately bring them home to glory. He was not as a man just beating the air, stirring up some spiritual parental dust, and merely expending some spiritual energy, and working up a spiritual sweat. He had a self-conscious, clearly defined goal in all of his labors. And in so, he sets a marvelous example of what it is to be an effective father after the flesh.

Origin and Scope of Goals: From God's Word, Comprehensive

11:37 And no man is an effective father who does not set specific goals for the development of his children. Now let me amplify this matter briefly. As to the origin of these goals, they must be goals derived from the word, the word of God. Where did Paul get his goal for the Thessalonians?

12:05 Did he go out one day, sit down on a log somewhere, and scratch his beard, and say, oh well, any man who's worth his weight in salt has goals, so I better conjure up a goal. Oh, I've got an idea. I think a worthy goal would be the goal of having the Thessalonians walk worthily of God. No, no.

12:23 That goal was not self-caused, nor created by Paul. It was the goal which God himself had revealed in the scheme of redemption. God himself had revealed in his own word that it was his will for his children to walk worthily of himself and of their calling. Well, as Paul in the spiritual fatherhood, so with us in the natural fatherhood.

12:55 It is absolutely wicked for us, for a father, to conjure up goals out of the raw materials of his own notions of what he thinks his children ought to be. It is furthermore absolutely wicked to conjure up goals from a consensus of what society says children ought to be. Every father who is anything approaching the biblical model of an effective and godly father will just be a fool. will just be a fool.

13:31 He will derive his goals for his children from the word of the living God. Why? For the simple reason that the children are not ultimately ours. It is he that has made us and we are his.

13:49 And the children entrusted to us are alone from God. And we have no moral right to mold them into anything other than that which God has given us. And we have no moral right to mold them into anything other than that which God has given us. God has established as the goal for the development of those children.

14:07 As to their origin, then, these specific goals must be derived from the Word of God. But then, secondly, as to their scope, they must be as comprehensive as the Scripture demands. As to their scope, they must be as comprehensive as the Scripture demands. Now, perhaps the most succinct statement of the scope of these goals is given to us in the familiar word of Ephesians 6, 4.

14:43 And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them. What is the scope of our goals to be? It is to be no narrower than the nurture of the entire. The entire humanity of our children.

15:06 Nurture them. It doesn't say nurture merely their bodies, or nurture their minds, or nurture their psyches. It says nurture them. And all that makes them them is to come within the scope of our goals for their nurture.

15:24 Therefore, our goals in scope must be as comprehensive as Scripture demands. Well, you say, Pastor, can you put that into some kind of concrete and tangible expression? Well, surely, a minimum expression of the scope of those goals is given to us in a passage such as Luke 2, verses 51 and 2. And I say this is a minimum summary statement far from exhaustive.

15:56 It is said of our blessed Lord in the period of His childhood, verse 51 of Luke chapter 2, And He went down with them, that is, Mary and Joseph, and came to Nazareth, and He was subject unto them. And His mother kept all these sayings in her heart. And in that framework of trustful, loving submission to Mary and Joseph, Mary, the one whose womb was the vehicle through which our Lord was brought into the world, Joseph, who was not His earthly father, for He had none. He was virgin, conceived, but was His father in that sense after the flesh, or in terms of a fleshly, earthly framework of responsible parenthood. In that relationship of submission to Mary and Joseph, Jesus advanced in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God, and man. Here we have this beautiful statement of Luke that our Lord matured and developed along these four broad categories of maturation. He advanced in wisdom under the tutelage of Mary and Joseph

17:22 and the influences to which they exposed our Lord. Added to that the influence of His own Father upon His holy mind, He advanced in wisdom, and whatever wisdom is, it is knowledge with its practical bearings upon life in its real circumstances. Our Lord did not simply have an expanding head full of all kinds of facts while being unable to relate those facts to the nitty-gritty of life. Wisdom is the ability to take the facts of God's world and relate them to the reality of the circumstances in which we live in God's world. And Jesus advanced in wisdom. But then it says there was maturation in stature, and that refers to his physical development. He had an arduous ministry ahead of him.

18:23 During the three and a half years of his labors, prior to his crucifixion, our Lord would be found in days of prayer and nights of prayer, days of prayer and fasting. He would be found preaching to multitudes without the aid of mechanical amplification. He had to have a well-developed set of stomach muscles. He had to have well-developed lungs.

18:49 He had to be able to thunder out the Word so that men could hear him. He had to be able...

18:56 He had to be able to give himself to that arduous task of ministering to the needs of all kinds of humanity's broken and battered sons and daughters. And it is no little factor in our Lord's usefulness that in these days there was this advancement in stature. Mary and Joseph were concerned about his dietary patterns, his eating patterns. They were concerned about...

19:26 They were concerned about his physical development, for he could only serve his Heavenly Father in the body of his humanity until the time that body of humiliation was changed into the body of his glory at the resurrection. But then he also advanced in favor with God. There was spiritual development and maturation as he went up faithfully to the stated seasons of worship and the immediately preceding context, is a description of Mary and Joseph faithfully going with the family to the appointed feasts, to the appointed times of instruction and public worship. And our Lord is found advancing in favor with God and then also with men. This, of course, addressing itself to the whole area of social development. Where did our Lord learn those principles of holy tact that we see in the days of his adulthood? They did not descend upon him in one big bundle in the baptism in Jordan.

20:35 They did not get dumped on him when the Spirit came upon him to anoint him for service. He was learning them as a child. He had many brothers and sisters. They were all his younger brothers and sisters in all likelihood.

20:53 He learned sensitivity to people when he had to tiptoe into the... to the house when a little one was taking a nap.

20:58 When everything in him was bursting to say, Mommy, I've got to tell you... He learned sensitivity to people.

21:06 He learned how to deal with people. He learned how to approach people. He learned those social graces that stand out so beautifully and majestically in the days of his adulthood. Our Lord did not acquire these in any other pattern than that which you and I acquired.

21:27 That's the reality of his humanity, and we so seldom think of this. We read the life of our Lord and say, Oh, well, all those things were his because he was the God-man. He was the God-man. But these are descriptions not of advancement of the God, but of the man.

21:47 It is the man, Christ Jesus, who advances in wisdom as God from eternity. He is the fullness of wisdom, ever has been and ever shall be. This is pointing to the development of his humanity and therefore is a bona fide pattern for the development of the humanity of our own children. And the Scripture tells us that this advancement was realized in the context of submission to Mary and to Joseph.

22:18 And so with respect to being an effective father, I assert that there must be on our part as fathers the setting of specific goals, goals for the development of our children. As to their origin, they must come from the Word of God. As to their scope, they must be as comprehensive as the Scripture demands. What does that mean specifically?

22:44 It means at least goals pertaining to the maturation of our children in wisdom, in stature, in favor with God and men. And if you want more details, you sit down this afternoon as a father and you take the book of Proverbs and you say, Oh God, help me to bring within the scope of my goals for my children every goal that the writer of Proverbs had for his son.

23:18 And you write down every single category of concern. And you know what you'll find out? That that father was concerned not merely that his son understand the origin, of true wisdom, the fear of the Lord is the chief part of wisdom, but he takes within the field of his goals such things as fiscal responsibility, the dangers of loose women, the dangers of laziness, the dangers of gluttony, the dangers of drunkenness. He takes within his scope the necessity of integrity, the necessity of honesty in business dealings.

23:58 There is not a facet of life that the father in the book of Proverbs does not envision as his ultimate goal for his son.

Tragedy of Lacking or Having Carnal Goals

24:12 And I say our goals as parents must in their scope be as comprehensive as the word of God demands. Now in applying this principle, do you fathers see the tragedy of having, having no self-conscious awareness of goals for your children? Do you see the tragedy of it? Paul could say all of my labors were bent to this self-conscious goal.

24:47 He was a wise spiritual father. And every effective father after the flesh, if you tap him on the shoulder and say, Pop, what are you doing with your kids? You'll be able to sit down, and he may not do it, do it with the eloquence of a trained speaker. He may not do it with the precise articulation of a lawyer.

25:11 But he'll be able to tell you all, be it falteringly and stumblingly, these are the things for which I labor in my sons and in my daughters. I want them to be wise. I don't care if they ever go to college or even graduate from high school. But I want them to be wise.

25:33 I want them to have accurate knowledge of God and man and life, so as to be able to relate to the real world with the insight of the God of heaven. Now, for most of them, that means they will at least have to get through high school. For some of them, it may mean they have to go to college. But that's not the issue.

25:57 And this damnable, cursed mentality, I've got to get my kids through college. Why? We've got more fools coming out of colleges than any other place. You own stinking pride, parents!

26:15 Pride that you can say, Oh, my child went to college. For what? You see, your goal must be wisdom. And if in the pursuit of wisdom, it's necessary for them to go into the halls of a school of higher learning, fine.

26:38 But the moment you see those halls not contributing to wisdom, but eroding, then you're going to die. If you're eroding wisdom and making educated fools out of your kids, you'll pull them out with violence. Instead of footing the bill to damn them, send them out into the world educated fools with no morals and no sense, because they've rejected the wisdom of Almighty God. You have goals, fathers?

27:14 You say, Pastor, I never thought of that. Well, it's about time you did. You see, the tragedy of not having goals, clearly defined, biblical goals, is the tragedy of not having goals. Do you see the abnormality of having truncated and narrow goals?

27:34 The goal some fathers have is simply to keep the kids fed and clothed until they can leave the nest and get rid of them. What a narrow vision. The vision of some is simply to exert enough influence that they'll be able to make it in life and have a decent job and raise a family. Is that the only goal you have, Dad?

27:56 Oh, may it make you weep. To think that you would send your children out into life with no broader vision of what life is all about than that. Do you see the wickedness of having carnal goals? The classic statement of a father who says, Son, I got plans for you, boy.

28:17 What he means is, my own carnal ambitions, which were never fulfilled in my life, I'm going to live them out through you. What a wicked thing. What a wicked thing. What a wicked thing.

28:28 What a wicked thing. What a wicked thing. What a wicked thing. What a wicked thing.

28:32 What a wicked thing. What a wicked thing. What a wicked thing. Who is the only father to have goals that are rooted in his own carnal, unmet ambitions, in his own unmortified pride or selfishness?

28:37 You see if we're to be effective fathers men, we've got to get our priorities straight, because you don't get these goals sitting down for three minutes, and you don't have those goals sharply etched into your thinking, nor do you have the ability to relate where your children are at. are in respect to those goals. And now listen carefully. I'm not using the exaggerated language of preacher's talk.

29:06 You will not have and maintain and have a workable handle upon those goals without spending hours before God with an open Bible and hours on your face crying to God for wisdom and for the mighty power of the Spirit to make those goals an actuality in the hearts of your children.

The Cost of Effective Fatherhood: Self-Denial and Priorities

29:34 And that's the problem with some of you fathers. Your priorities are all mixed up. All your spare time is spent snipping your shrubs and feeding your lawn. All your leisure time is spent whacking a ball down a fairway, parked in front of your TV, tinkering with your car, wetting a line to try to boat a fish, dreaming of your cabin in the woods or your boat at the dock.

29:58 It's a tragedy. It's a tragedy that in a day when men had a work week much longer than the current work week and when to mow a lawn meant you had to go out with the old reel-type mower and bush and sometimes go over the same spot three times because you let the lawn go a little bit too long and you had to clip the edges by hand. You didn't have weed whackers that go zing, zing, zing when men had a longer work week. And it took far more time to keep up the mundane responsibilities of the home.

30:27 They were far better fathers. Why? Because this hedonistic age with the shortened work week has as its mentality get through that work week so you can play. We've got 50-year-old men playing, playing, playing whether with shrubs or golf ball or boat or cabin playing, playing, playing.

30:54 And we've got young men who are the fruit of that kind of a playing father. And you know what you do when you hear something like you heard last week? You cop out as a miserable sluggard. You say, oh, that standard's too high.

31:05 I had no model, no sense trying. Oh, you miserable sluggard. That's a cop out. What a cop out.

31:14 What you're saying is I'm too lazy to get off my duff and to start becoming the man I must be if I'm to be the father. God says I ought to be. It takes time. Self-denial.

31:30 Self-denial. It costs. Man, it costs dearly to be an effective father. To have biblical goals.

31:41 Goals that are as comprehensive as the word of God demands.

A Word to Children: Appreciate Parental Discipline

31:47 Let me say a word to you children.

31:51 You resent the fact that your mom and dad are always on your case? As the in saying is, ah, they're always on my case. You better thank God if you've got a mom and dad who are always on your case. I do.

32:04 I didn't appreciate at the time whether I was scrubbing the floor, getting dressed to go out somewhere. No matter what I was doing, they were always on my case. Why? Because they had goals for the development of my character.

32:21 And they were determined to pursue those goals. Not in a way that would please me. You see that in the opening verses of 1 Thessalonians 2? He said when pursuing our goals, we didn't use flattering words.

32:34 And he says you know it. And I'm sure many of the Thessalonians said, we sure do, Paul. We remember the times when you bore in upon us and you were far from flattering in your words. But thank you, Paul, because we know a little more what it is to walk worthily of God because you were faithful.

32:52 You dear children who've got parents that are always on your case, don't resent them. Thank God for them. Thank God you weren't left like Topsy just to grow. That's the tragedy of this generation.

33:05 There are times when I sit in my study as I said last week and say, Lord, is there any sense in even trying to do something in a generation that's simply been left to itself next to mighty preachers full of the Holy Ghost? The thing this generation needs more than anything else is effective fathers to begin to mold and shape a generation of kids who'll be able to face life in the power of God and in the realism of biblical norms. Oh, you dear fellows and girls who've got moms and dads that have goals derived from the Bible. They don't care if you're wealthy. They don't care if you ever get a name for yourself. They don't care if you are ever recognized by the world.

34:06 But they do care if you're honest, if you're trustworthy. They're giving their life to see you become upright, trustworthy young men and women with a sensitivity to other people, with a concern for other people. Oh, precious children, don't fight your moms and dads. Don't fight your pastors because we labor with them to see you molded into boys and girls of whom it can be said they advanced in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and men.

34:45 Even when they won't let you have all the sweet junk you want, there's a method in their madness. They're not just coming out of their bedroom having agreed together. Now, what'll be our meanie thing today?

34:58 All right, mommy, our meanie thing today is only one ice cream cone per day. You think that's why they make those rules? No. They know that if you, if you imbibe too much white sugar, if you give in to your sweet tooth, that you're going to be undermining good health for your mature years.

35:18 And they know you girls are going to have to have bodies strong enough to bear children and to rear them and to endure the rigors of the household while at the same time being frustrated you don't give in to your sweet tooth and become so corpulent that your husband is then tempted to look elsewhere for someone that's attractive to him because he's not going to be because you've let yourself go to pot. See the relationship between teaching a child to govern his sweet tooth at age five and that woman being a good wife and mother at age 30? There's a direct line, dear people. Do you fathers see this?

35:55 Do you see it? And has it gripped you? And do you have a hold of that household so that if your wife in ignorance or with her unusual sensitivity bends in the way that she's going to bend in the way that she's going to bend in the way that she's going to bend in the way that she's going to bend in the weakness of that which is her strength in other areas? Do you lovingly and graciously and yet firmly bring that area into line as the administrator of your household?

The Second Factor: Consistent Use of Scripturally Warranted Means

36:26 Well, I must hurry on to get to the second point.

36:30 The second thing that is involved in the actual administration of effective fatherhood. Look at the passage. Not only the setting of self-conscious goals for the development of our children, but look at verse 11. As you know how we dealt with each one of you as a father with his own children, exhorting you, encouraging you, testifying to the end.

36:59 You see what Paul is saying? He said, I had a goal in mind. And the goal was that you might walk worthily of God. And with that goal in mind, I chose appropriate means to the realization of that goal.

37:15 And you see, that's the second part of actually becoming an effective father. Not only the setting of goals, but the consistent use of means calculated to attain those goals. And I use the word consistent because Paul uses three verbal forms. We call them participles and they are all present tense participles.

37:42 We were continually at the business, of exhorting you, comforting you, and testifying. We didn't exhort once and get discouraged and quit. We kept at it. We didn't comfort you once and then quit.

37:56 We kept at it. We did not solemnly testify once and lay off. We kept at it. The goal was there.

38:03 And we chose appropriate means to the realization of that goal. And we employed those means consistently. I want to say two things now about those means as I did. Two things about the goals.

38:17 Number one, they too must be scripturally warranted. And listen carefully, parents. Paul, as a spiritual father, knew that God had not only ordained the goals, but the means to attain those goals. Paul was not a Jesuit who said, the end justifies the means, or reversing it and saying any means will do as long as your end is worthy.

38:44 No, no. No. No, no. The means must be scripturally warranted.

38:50 Paul knew as a spiritual father, he had only the means of the verbal communication of the Word of God. But he used the full range of that means from exhortation, literally, to consolation and encouragement. It's the word used in John 11. Upon the death of Lazarus, when the friends came to comfort Mary and Martha.

39:12 That's the word. He exhorted, sought to stir, led them to action. But then he comforted them. And then he solemnly testified.

39:22 He spoke as a witness who was under oath. And he brought to bear upon them the solemnity of the revealed mind of God. He had but one means available to him as a spiritual father. That was the means of communicating the Word of God.

39:38 But he used every legitimate avenue within that means. And so we as earthly fathers, in the administration of our fatherhood, we must have means that are scripturally warranted. And what are those means? Well, they all are arranged under the two heads of Ephesians 6.

39:58 Nurture them in the chastening or the discipline and the admonition of the Lord. There is the whole pattern of discipline, training by rewards and punishments, admonition, verbal instruction, intensified with earnestness and laid upon the consciences of our children. We must have scripturally warranted means. No pragmatism.

Administering Means Wisely, Individually, and Prayerfully

40:28 No conformity to the world's experts on child development. They speak out of a matrix of a humanistic view of man. He is nothing but the highest expression of animal life. He is not inherently a saint.

40:46 Nor is he the subject of redemptive grace. And when anyone tries to understand human behavior in infancy or adulthood, who denies man's distinctiveness as created in the image of God, man's fall in Adam and basic sinnerhood and the redemptive power of Christ, once in a while God may let a little glimmer of light leak through whatever he says, but most of it is nothing but accumulated darkness.

41:13 And some of you read too much secular garbage about children. And that's what it is. Garbage. The word of God is sufficient to teach the means available for your training of your children.

41:28 And so then in the implementation of those means we must administer them wisely. Look at the text. Sometimes Paul exhorted. Sometimes exhortation would have wounded his spiritual children and discouraged them.

41:42 So he comforted them. Other times to comfort them would have been to allow them to sleep. So he solemnly...

41:47 And he testified to them. Well, how did he know when to exhort, when to comfort, when to testify?

41:56 Well, he was given wisdom by the Lord to know what was appropriate at the given time. And you see, fathers, you then must have that wisdom that God has promised to those who lack it. And who among us who is attempting to any degree to do his task as a father does not go back to James 1. There are about two or three verses I've said to God, Lord, I'm so glad.

42:19 You've never retracted your word. For if ever I'd wear a verse out by use, 1 John 1.9 would be one of them. If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive.

42:29 And James 1 is another one. If wearing a verse out by use was possible, were possible, I would have worn it out if any of you lack wisdom. How many times have I knelt before God and said, Lord, I don't know what to do. Here is this need in my son or in my daughters.

42:47 Lord, there's the gold. And here's the gold. And here's where they are. But Lord, I don't know what they need.

42:53 Do I solemnly testify at this point? Do I comfort? Do I exhort? Do I punish with physical punishment?

43:03 Do I withdraw privilege? Do I overlook the issue? Is it an issue that ought not to be focused upon? Or is this an index of something deeper?

43:12 Should I probe it with the relentlessness of the prosecuting attorney in cross-examination? When, Lord, what do I do?

43:23 We need to administer God-ordained means wisely. Secondly, we need to administer them individually. Individually. Look what Paul could say.

43:33 We dealt with each one of you. Paul did not simply preach in the public place to the people of God. He would take them aside individually knowing that each individual had his own peculiar needs. And an effective father is one who not only has means that are scripturally warranted, but they are scripturally employed.

43:58 And to employ them scripturally is not only to employ them wisely, but individually. You say, Pastor, you're talking about a full-time job. You bet your boots I am! And that's why some of you have got to stop playing games.

44:18 And they don't leave me any time to play with my shrubs and to play with my gloves. Golf ball! It may leave you precious little time for your shrubs and your golf balls. So what?

44:32 You have but 20 years to mold that life. You'll have plenty of time to trim your shrubs and whack your golf ball when they're gone and your influence is basically brought back to zero.

44:51 They must be individually administered and then, of course, they must be prayerfully administered. Paul could say of all his spiritual children, remembering you, in my prayers, we've heard the statement, the best of men are but men at best. The best of means are but means at best. And if God doesn't bless those means, even though they are scripturally based, scripturally employed, they'll come to naught.

45:24 And few things are more humbling to an earthly father than is this tremendous, tremendous realization that God must make these means effectual or my children will turn out as though they never had a father who cared. It's just the same way spiritually. You want something to humble you? Preach to people who are unconverted under your ministry for 15 years.

45:55 Weep over them in secret and public. Plead and entreat and exhort and warn and invite. Use every biblical means for their salvation.

46:08 And yet they'll sit unconverted and spiritually dead unless God is pleased to quicken them.

46:15 And if they try to excuse their impenitence by that truth, God will damn them from their own mouth.

46:21 But it's the truth nonetheless.

46:24 And I tell you parents, if you've got any notion, if you read six books and do everything according to the books, go to a seminar on child training or something else and you can do it all according to the rules, everything's going to turn out all right.

46:39 And God may have to humble you in a very, very painful way.

46:46 Well, I've said all I want to say about those two principles. Now I want to close with just a couple of very pertinent observations.

Conclusion 1: Fatherhood is the Most Demanding Task

46:54 If the essential grace for effective fatherhood is self-giving love, if a godly example is the essential pattern and context for effective fatherhood, if the setting of goals and the appropriate use of means to attain those goals are of the essence of effective fatherhood, certain conclusions ought to be very evident to us this morning. Conclusion number one. There is no task under heaven more demanding than that of being an effective father. There is no task under heaven more demanding than that of being an effective father.

47:38 The Bible records the competence of Eli as a priest in Israel, but his total incompetence as a father. The Bible records the competence of David as a successful and mighty warrior, as an astute statesman and leader, but he was basically a flop as a father. He could run a nation, but he couldn't run his own home.

48:04 And there are corporation presidents whose families are in a shambles. Why? It takes more combined wisdom, grace, diligence, and discipline to be an effective father than it does to be a corporation president. That's why you've got corporation presidents who are making it in the business world who are flops at home.

48:29 That's why you can have a David who is mighty in Israel as warrior, as statesman, as singer, as poet, as prophet, but basically a flop as a father.

48:47 My friend, as I said last week, to become a father is the act of a moment. To become an effective father is the discipline of a lifetime. Are you willing to pay the price? You young men, listen to me.

49:02 You're living in an age that says, pander yourself. Feed your flesh. You want to have a couple of kids so you can strut around and say, oh, here's my kids. Yeah, have somebody look at you and say, hey, there's my old man.

49:14 Treats me good.

49:16 If that's all you want, may God ever keep you from walking down an aisle and marrying a woman. I'm fathering any children.

49:25 If you're not prepared right now, and I'm looking at a collection of you young men sitting together, if you're not prepared right now to begin to say no to your trinkets and toys and to begin to subject yourself to the disciplines necessary to become an effective father, you better give up all notions of marriage.

49:45 Far better to be irresponsible and say the standard's too high, I don't want it. That's a cop-out, but far better that than become a father. And blow the job and not do the work that God has assigned you to do. But a better alternative is to say, I don't care what the rest of my generation does, but by the grace of God, I'm going to be molded into a man worthy to be a father of children.

50:11 I don't care what my peers say to me. I don't care what anyone else thinks about me. I'm determined that I shall become an effective father if I become nothing else in life. By the grace of God, I'm determined to become that.

Conclusion 2: Fatherhood is a Most Worthy Pursuit

50:29 And then I want to say, secondly, by way of conclusion, there are few goals, and I've already hinted at this, few goals more worthy of your arduous pursuit than that of becoming an effective father. I see young men determined to be effective, well-known, successful businessmen, and I see the price they're willing to pay. Burn the midnight oil, take extra courses, run to seminars, pay any price to get out of here, and go ahead in the business world. Where are the men saying, I'm prepared to pay any price to be the father I ought to be?

51:05 Where are they? Thank God there are some of them here in this church, and I want you to know I thank God for some of you. And I say to you young men who didn't have any models at home, you want to know what it is to be an effective father, you come to me and say, Pastor, are there some men that I can go and ask them if I can just spend an afternoon in their home to see what an effective father is? And thank God there are men in this assembly I could send you to without any reservations of conscience.

51:32 They'd be the last ones to think that they are effective fathers, but they are. But it's that very perspective you see that makes them effective fathers. They see the standard. They're pressing toward it with all of their being, and that's why they feel so painfully conscious of their failures, because they're taking the standard seriously.

51:54 Oh, men amongst us, set this as your goal. And you young women, I say again when you're casting your eyes across the available young men and beginning to have your holy, not unholy, but holy fantasies about which one may be your husband, what are you looking for? You look for the young man that is subjecting himself to the kind of disciplines that will make him an effective father. That's what you look for.

52:24 Because if he'll be an effective father, he'll be a delight to live with as a husband.

Conclusion 3: God's Abounding Grace for Effective Fatherhood

52:31 And then I say finally, there are few tasks to which God is more willing to give His abounding grace than to that task of being an effective father. Are there times when you pray and you wonder, Lord, do I have any warrant to ask what I'm asking for? That to me is the great agony of prayer so much of the time. I don't know if I have any warrant to ask the thing that I'm asking for.

52:55 God says if we ask according to His will, we know that He hears us. And on some things I can't untangle, what may be selfish motives. You have not because you ask not. You ask and receive not because you ask that you may consume it upon your own lust.

53:10 And I'm not sure, Lord, is this a selfish desire? I can't pray in faith because I'm not sure that I'm praying out of pure motives. Do you have that agony? Of course you do.

53:20 If you're a Christian and you pray. But oh, when you get on your knees as a father and say, oh God, give me all the wisdom I need effectively to mold the life of my child. You don't need to pray if it be by will. You start praying, Lord, make me wise enough to get a promotion every six months.

53:40 You will find yourself hard-pressed to find chapter and verse to plead that with confidence before God. God may keep you on the bottom rung of the totem pole of your company's executive ladder because He knows one rung higher would kill you spiritually.

53:57 Thank God for His holy disappointments in which some of us have been hedged up from things that would have destroyed us. But when you pray, oh God, give me the wisdom needed to mold my son and my daughter. You don't need to pray if it be by will. You can pray in faith that lacking wisdom in that task, God is willing to make you as wise as a Solomon in the administration of your household.

54:25 And when you pray for a heart baptized and suffused with sensitive, self-giving, tender love, you don't need to pray for a heart You don't need to pray if it be thy will because when you come to the passage that says fathers nurture them, you say, Lord, that's my task and I can't do it without a love that bears all things. Lord, I can't take that kind of business from my kids. When I give myself to them and they turn around and as it were spit in my face, Lord, I can't take it.

54:57 But having a heart full of the love that bears all things, you can take it. The love that believes all things, the love that does not retaliate, the love that is patient, the love that is kind. Oh, dear fathers, be encouraged. All the wisdom you need is there in Christ.

55:17 Seek it at the throne of grace with earnestness and faith. All the love you need is there in Christ. Seek it at the throne of grace in confidence that God will give it. Seek at the throne of grace greater supplies of the Spirit of holiness, that you may set an example before your children.

55:39 Pray for the grace of humility that when you have sinned, you'll not be too proud to tell your children what they already know, that you did not exemplify Christian manhood in the way you spoke to your wife, in the way you dealt with them in a given situation. Your kids do not expect perfection, but they expect reality and transparency when you fail.

56:04 Oh, dear fathers, don't be discouraged. Don't any of you go out of here, as it were, with your tail between your legs and go off in a corner to sulk. Oh, dear fathers, hear me this morning. Go to the throne of grace and ask God to give you all you need to be an effective father.

Call to Unconverted Fathers and Young Men

56:24 And God will delight to answer that prayer. And you who are not even Christians, you men who have fathered children, but you can't be effective fathers, to those children, do you see the terrible dilemma you're in? You may have a great measure of natural love. In one sense, you have been a good father.

56:44 You have been concerned even for something more than their material needs. You've wanted them to become responsible, respectful citizens. You've wanted them to honor your wife and to show common decency to others. And I would not demean that at all.

57:01 But, oh, my dear man, listen. You've not been able to be effective. You've not been able to be a good father in the most critical areas because you yourself lack those areas. You couldn't teach your son how to pray because you don't pray.

57:14 You couldn't teach him how to pursue the Lord with a holy ambition to be like Christ because that's not your ambition. You couldn't teach him the grace of humility and confessing sin to those against whom you've sinned because you yourself have not set the pattern. Oh, my unconverted father, will you not seek the Lord? Will you not seek Him that He would make you His child and then as His child make you the father you ought to be?

57:46 And you boys,

57:49 beginning to have your dream world of what you want to be in life, oh, that God will bring back this day and last Lord's Day morning when you heard that among all the ambitions a man, a young man, can have there is no more noble ambition than that of being a father. There's no more ideal father that no one wants to give, but God wants you to be that kind of man who can be an effective father. Welcome your dads, rebukes in your moms, getting on your case all the time. Remember, they've got a vision for what they want you to be.

58:19 And they didn't get that vision from the world. They didn't get it out of their own hearts. They got it from this book. Some of you don't know it, but you're here because your mom and dad pray, Oh, God if it please you, bless our union with children that is coming to you.

58:32 And so, we read this scripture for you today. I just wanted you to keep this. And you were conceived in answer to prayer. You were brought safely into the world in answer to prayer.

58:43 And from the moment you hung upon your mother's breast, your mom and dad have had a goal and a vision, and they have given themselves, they've spent themselves for the realization of that goal. And that goal is that you be the boy or the girl that God created you to be. Is there anything wrong with that? Is there anything wrong with that, fellas and girls?

59:11 You thank God if you've got a mom and dad like that. Some of us can thank God. And the older we get, the more we bless God for the vision our parents had and the price they were willing to pay to realize that vision.

59:30 So many things I'd like to say, but the time is gone. The morning is warm, and you've been patient. And I trust enough has been said to drive us to our knees, to cry to God, to raise up a generation of effective fathers. Let us pray.

59:55 Our Father, how we thank you for the privilege of addressing you as Father. We thank you that amidst all the imperfections of our own fatherhood, we come to you, the one perfect, sinless, changeless Father. We thank you that in yourself we are given the perfect pattern of fatherhood, the perfect pattern of fatherhood, and, O Lord, we would look to you to make us like yourself. We thank you for those lesser patterns that we've looked at in Paul and his companions.

60:29 And we pray that these great principles of effective spiritual fatherhood seen in Paul may be converted into our earthly fatherhood, and that we, by your grace, may have that essential grace of true love, that pattern of conversion, consistent godliness, and then the clear vision of distinct goals and the wise choice of the means appropriate to the realization of those goals. Bless the men in this assembly whose hearts this morning have answered amen to every exhortation, who with every fiber of their being long to be effective fathers. Lord, help those dear men. And we pray, that you would make their number legion. Heavenly Father, have mercy upon this poor, sick, perverse generation.

61:30 Grant that again there may be the beacon light of effective fatherhood shining out from our homes in the midst of all of the darkness. We pray for the wives of such men. Lord, may they share the vision of their husbands. Lord, may their husbands, be wise and gentle and gracious.

61:53 And where necessary, firm and tenacious in the administration of the household. May every wife and mother share the vision intelligently and wholeheartedly and prayerfully. We pray for the young men and women who are of marriageable age, who are thinking of these things. Oh, may their minds receive an impress from the exhortation of today and last Lord's Day that will never leave them.

62:19 We pray for the young men who are coming near to the age of taking a wife and fathering children. Oh, God, have mercy upon these young men and make them, we pray, into true men. May they be done with their toys. May they say with the apostle, when I was a child, I acted as a child when I became a man.

62:42 I put away childish things. Lord, help them to put away all of their childish things. And set their faces not to an artificial moroseness, not to a stilted and unnatural forcing of maturity, but, oh, God, to a setting of the heart upon these great goals. Oh, our Father, we've asked much of you this morning, but surely if you've created in our hearts these longings contrary to our flesh, you have not created them.

63:19 For not. Have dealings with those fathers who are not Christians, who are strangers to grace. Lord, draw them. Oh, draw them.

63:30 Make them your children. And then make them true fathers. Hear our prayer and answer us for Jesus' sake. Amen.