The Christian Family: God's Directives to Husbands

Introductory Principles for Understanding Family Directives

0:06 Whatever Paul teaches us here in Ephesians 5, 22 through 6, 4 must be understood as vitally joined to the entirety of Holy Scripture. Secondly, we must understand that whatever Paul says to us about the specific roles of wives and husbands and parents and children is said to us within the framework of the Bible doctrine of the absolute equality of all who are in Christ. First, functional responsibility is one thing. Inherent dignity is another.

0:43 And we must never let those things be confused. Every man on the ball field has the same dignity as a human being, but one is the pitcher, not all nine. One is the first baseman, not all nine. There is functional responsibility, and so it is within the structure of the family.

1:04 Thirdly, as we come to a point, such as this, we must understand that it is distinctively Christian. We cannot obey the directions of this passage unless we are joined to Jesus Christ. And that's what a Christian is. Someone who's been made a new creature in Christ.

1:22 Not someone who's just made a decision for Christ, who happens to hang around the church of Christ and who happens to be found with the people of Christ. A Christian is someone who is in Christ. If any man be in, he is a new creature. And Paul appeals to Christian motives.

1:41 He assumes the presence of the power of Christian grace, that we are dealing with a people who can be filled with the Spirit. That is not true of the non-Christian. And then, fourthly, we must understand that every specific directive has its counterpart. When Paul says, Be subject to your husbands.

2:02 He also tells husbands the kind of men they ought, to be, to those wives. When he says something to children, he balances it with a word to parents. And we must never separate any of those instructions from its counterpart. Having given those four lines of introductory principles, we then looked at God's directives to the wives, the key word of which is the word submit.

2:26 And we expounded the meaning of the word. We looked at the nature of that submission, the ground of that submission, the climate of that submission, and tried to then trace it. Trace out some practical implications. Now, that's a distillation in four minutes of what it took us about an hour to cover.

The Keyword for Husbands: Love

2:43 Now, we move tonight to the husbands. God's directives to husbands. And you will notice that Paul speaks very pointedly to the husbands, beginning in verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it, that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

3:17 Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his own wife loveth himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church. Because we are members of his body. Now, as we looked at the directives to wives, it was easy for us to see that the keyword in God's directive to wives is the word submit or be subject.

3:50 Now, what is the keyword in God's directive to the husbands? What word occurs more than any other? And I think if you've listened at all and looked at your Bibles, you could all come up with the answer that the keyword is...

4:05 ...wives.

4:06 Love. Now doesn't that on the surface of things strike you rather strangely? What is the opposite of be subject? Is it not to take the rule? If one person is subject to another, it means someone is submissive and someone takes the place of authority. But Paul does not say husbands take your headship. He assumes that a husband will take his headship, but he puts the emphasis where the husbands need to have the emphasis laid, namely that it is to be a headship administered in love. And as we looked at parallel passages in Peter and in Colossians relative to the duty of wives and saw that every time that duty is defined, the word submit is central. So if we read the

4:59 parallel passages dealing with husbands, the word love is always central. Colossians chapter 3, verse 19. 1 Peter 3 and verse 7. So then the primary responsibility of a husband with reference to his wife is to love her. Ah, but you say, what in the world do you think I married her for?

5:19 My friend, whatever that love was that you had when you married your wife, that capital is soon expended down to the last penny. And if you don't begin to learn how to love your wife in this biblical sense, you will not be a biblical husband. So we've got to take a moment to try to apply or define the kind of love Paul is talking about. He's not talking about infatuation. You see, infatuation can't be commanded. All of a sudden, Mr. Right or Miss Right comes by your path and there your heart and your emotions get all upset and turned upside down. And you say, I fell in love. Now, what you meant is I became infatuated. You knew nothing about the person, nothing about the character of the person, but there was this strange, indefinable, indescribable, oozy, squishy kind of something that attached you to that person. That's not love, not in the biblical sense. No, it isn't. That's infatuation. Now, infatuation is a very real

6:21 thing. But marriages cannot be built upon infatuation. And that's the great curse of the whole approach to marriage in our own American culture. That's why one third of the marriages end up in the divorce courts. And the only thing that hangs together, the remaining, most of the remaining two thirds are other considerations, or else they too would end up in the divorce courts. No, when the Bible uses the word love, it's not talking about infatuation, nor is it talking about that stuff that the rock singers poke about. I can't live without you, baby. That has nothing to do with love. What it means is you stir up my hormones and I need to have myself satisfied with you as the means of satisfying my animal passions. That's not love. That's what animals feel when they're in heat. That has nothing to do with love. Well, what in the

7:19 world is love? Well, there's only one place to find out. We find what love is in the character of that being of whom it is said, God, who's love. And how do we understand love in God? Well, the best way is to read 1 Corinthians 13. It is that divine and selfless quality which seeks the good of its object, even at personal cost. Love. Seek it not for own. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. Was God infatuated with the world of rebel sinners? No. Everything in us disgusted him, provoked his wrath and his anger, but he loved us. He moved toward us in that selfless affection which seeks our good, even at great personal cost. That's what love is. And it always involves

8:16 as Lenski, the Lutheran commentator, points out again and again, spiritual intelligence and spiritual purpose. God sees us for what we are, and then he intends to make us something. And even though the price to accomplish his design is the giving up of his own son to become a man, the giving up of his own son to the wrath of men, worst of all, the giving up of his son to his own wrath when he bruises his son upon himself. Why did he do it? Because he loved us. He was moved with this selfless affection which sought our good, even at great personal cost. And to every husband comes the word of God. Husbands, love your wives. Exercise towards them that principled selfless affection which will will and seek their good, even at great personal cost.

The Position of Love: Christ-like Headship

9:17 Why do we need to be filled with the Spirit to be the kind of husbands we ought to be? Because the fruit of the Spirit is not infatuation, lust, but the fruit of the Spirit is love. Now, having defined the great duty of the husband, which is to love his wife, how does Paul enlarge upon it? Well, there are four lines of thought in the Apostle's development of this theme. First of all, he gives us the position from which this love is exercised and demonstrated. Verse 24.

9:55 But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives. Ah, but from what position are they to love their wives? From the position described in verse 24. As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives. From a position of assumed headship, love your wives. Just as certainly as Paul's words to the wives regarding the duty of submission are never separated in his mind from the words that they are to love their husbands, so the words to the husbands to love their wives are never separated in Paul's mind from the concept that it's a husband who is taking his rule and his headship.

10:54 That is commanded to love his wife. Christ, as the covenant head of his people, loves them from a position of headship. We are chosen in him. In love we were predestined to sonship in him, but he never relinquishes his position of headship in the redemption of his people. At the point where his love is most sacrificial when he lays down his life upon the cross, he is still the head of his people. You and I as husbands, we are chosen in him. We are chosen in him. We are chosen in him. We are chosen in him. We are chosen in him. We are chosen in him. We are chosen in him.

11:26 You and I as husbands are called upon to love our wives from the position of assumed headship. When a man seeks to love his wife from any other position other than a typical headship, that love degenerates into sentimentalism. But if he takes his headship in any other context other than love, it degenerates into cruel tyranny. And on every hand I see husbands who fit into a position of assumed headship.

11:55 into either of those terribly unbiblical categories. Men who are nothing but the little wackies of every frown and whim of their domineering wives. Yes, dear. Oh, yes, yes, yes, dear.

12:10 Little Uriah heaps. I'd like to go boot him in the brishes and say you're a disgrace to your sex as a man. Solidating. Always backing down.

12:21 Why? Because they don't want to wrinkle the brow of little deary wifey. And the children grow up in a family where the boys can't identify with a positive masculine image. And the girls have no concept of what sweet, loving submission is.

12:36 No wonder the kids that hang up and are susceptible to homosexual tendencies and go into their own families and don't know how to relate to husbands and wives. Why? Because the husband would not take his position of headship. And on the other hand, there are some men who say, I'm the head of my home.

12:55 But I tell you, it's as far removed. As the headship of Christ to his church as heaven is from hell.

13:02 Tight-fisted, cruel, hard, insensitive, unfeeling. I'm the boss.

13:10 I'd like to take them out of the woodshed and work them over. It's what they deserve. Brethren, God's not talking about either of these things. The position from which a man is to love his wife is the position of a Christ-like headship.

13:26 And what is the purpose of Christ's headship? The salvation of that over which he is the head. Verse. Twenty-three.

13:35 Christ is the head of the church, himself the savior of the body. It's a headship for the good of that over which he rules, not for the harm of that over which he rules. So Paul reminds us then of the position from which this love is to be exercised. One of headship.

The Quality of Love: Realistic and Exclusive

13:56 The second thing he does is tells us something about the quality of this love. Verses 25 to 27. Having shown the position. The position from which the love is to be exercised.

14:07 What is the quality of this love? And it's a staggering concept. Look at it. Husbands.

14:13 Verse 25. Love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it. What is to be the quality of my love to my wife? Even as.

14:33 And whenever you see the even. As in the Bible, it's like an equal sign. Husbands, love your wives in some measure, in some way, with a love that is equal to, commensurate with, reflective of, the love wherewith Christ loved his church and continues to love it. In other words, the quality of my love to my wife is to be that with which Christ loved his church, the love that made him.

15:05 The love that made him stoop to become a man, led him to empty himself, his voluntary submission to the sneers of men and the billows of his father's wrath, the love that led him into the terrible blackness of divine abandonment upon Calvary, until feeling the weight of his father's frown and anger, he cried, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? And I say, husbands, that's a staggering concept. That's a staggering concept. My selfless affection to my wife, seeking her well-being at any personal cost, is to be qualitatively like the love wherewith Christ loved his church.

15:50 Now, we can never quantitatively love as Christ loved.

15:56 We can never know the measure of his love, for he is God, and it takes God to contain the full measure of the love of God. But my love is to be reflected. Now, what are some of the characteristics of that kind of love? The quality of my love, like Christ's love.

16:15 Well, what is that kind of love? Well, look at the characteristics. First of all, it is a realistic love. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.

16:28 Now, when he set his love upon the church, what was its condition? Romans 5, 8 says, God commended his love toward us in the while we were yet sinners. We've often heard the statement, Love is blind. The love of Christ was not blind.

16:45 He saw me ruined in the fall, yet loved me notwithstanding all. Read Ezekiel 16, where the love of Jehovah to Israel is likened to that of a man who passed by and finds an unwashing baby that's just been born. Its navel is not cut, and it hasn't been washed. And God says, But that's what you were when I found you.

17:10 And I cut your navel, and I washed you, and I clothed you, and I cared for you. And then when I made you something that was lovable, you came to maturity, and I entered into a marriage covenant. I made you mine.

17:24 Oh, dear ones, listen. Jesus Christ loves with a love that is not blind, but with the open-eyed love of an omniscient Savior, knowing us in all of the windings of our corrupt nature, all of our darkness, all of our blindness, all of our rebellion. He set his love upon us. He loved us with a realistic love.

17:50 And now he says to every husband, through the Spirit, Love your wife as I love you. You and I as husbands must not allow our love to be diminished because we discern faults and sins and weaknesses in our wives. Paul is aware of this tendency. That's why he says in the Colossians passage, Be not bitter against your wives.

18:14 And what is the opposite of bitterness? It is love. You don't know what you're married until you're married. I don't care if you've courted for 25 years and 7 months and 16 days.

18:25 You still don't know a person until you're married to them.

18:29 That's why the Bible says Adam knew his wife Eve. The Bible has a word simply to describe the sexual relationship, and the Bible's not fastidious about these things. But the Bible says he knew her. He knew her until the two become one flesh in the covenants of marriage.

18:44 You don't discover the whole person. And when you discover the whole person, many times there's an awful lot of baggage that gets carried into that marriage that you didn't know anything about. And it's just like when you get a car. You know, it was a cream puff.

18:55 An old lady had it, never took it out of town. 23,000 original miles. You've had it a month, and you find out it's probably got 123,000. It was probably driven by a taxi cab outfit.

19:05 And when you find out you got something you hadn't bargained for, what's the tendency to be bitter? I've got a lemon. And that's exactly the tendency that comes to the heart of almost every husband when he begins to understand that that sweet little loving thing that stood in the white gown had a lot more in her than he ever realized. Now, the reverse is true.

19:26 She understands that that handsome Prince Charming wasn't all Prince Charming, too. It works both directions. And Paul understood this. That's why he said, Husbands, be not bitter against your wives.

19:38 That's why he says, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved. Why? He loved realistically, and he continues to love realistically. If he was to cut me off because of all the garbage I've thrown into his face since I've been a Christian, I'd have had it a long time ago, and so would you.

19:55 He bears with us. He forebears with us. And now he says, Husbands, love your wives like that. You see, if the qualities of divine love are these, it suffers long, is not provoked, seeketh not, is not its own.

20:14 How in the world can we express that kind of love unless we see things in our partners that naturally would provoke us, that naturally cause pain? You see, love looks for the opportunities to manifest itself. And most of the manifestations of love, according to 1 Corinthians 13, have reference to what love does in the face of difficulty.

20:41 Love beareth all things. That means God's going to see to it that there's some things in my wife's that need bearing with. If love beareth all things, there are going to be things I need to bear with. Why?

20:53 To show true biblical love.

20:57 Realistic love.

21:01 And so when some fellow carried off with himself and the beauty of the moon on some night tells some of you young ladies you're just the most perfect thing in all the world, you just grab him by the ears and turn to him and say, Hey, come out of it, buddy.

21:14 I ain't perfect. If you think I am now, you're going to find out very, very honestly not too long after we're married, that I'm telling you the truth. But are you still going to love me?

21:26 Are you still going to love me? Because God says you're to love me as Christ loved the church? That's the first thing in the characteristics of this love. It's realistic.

21:35 But secondly, it is exclusive or particularistic love. Look at it. Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the world? No.

21:45 Love the church. Gave himself for it, or as the New American Standard has it, for her, that he might sanctify, having cleansed her, that he might present the church to himself.

22:00 Now, there is a love that the triune God has to all men because they are his preachers. Matthew chapter 5, he sendeth his reign upon the just and the unjust. But this is talking about redemptive love, distinguishing particular, exclusive love, the love wherewith he loves his people. That's why Christians have as one of the titles that only Christians can have, the beloved of God.

22:24 1 Thessalonians 1, 4. Ye know, he says, brethren, beloved of God. Colossians 3, 12. Put on as the elect of God, holy and beloved.

22:37 Now, if God loves all men the same way, then how can the term beloved be a distinguishing title for a Christian? That's everybody's title. Ah, but it isn't everybody's title. God is a special love for his own.

22:50 Now, that thought is underscored in verse 33. Look at it. Nevertheless, do ye also severally love each one his own wife. That is, there is but one woman towards whom I am to exercise this Christ-like love in this total perspective, and that is my one legitimate wife.

23:15 Now, do husbands need to know this? Yes, they do. They are to regard this love to their wives as a sacred garden into which no one else intrudes. And listen to me.

23:25 Listen. Be careful. The sooner a man learns this early in his marriage, the better off he'll be. It doesn't matter one bit if he finds himself infatuated with another woman.

23:37 And happily married men can get infatuated with other women. Now, that may shock some of you women, but it's an honest, demonstrable fact. Infatuation has no rhyme or reason to it.

23:51 And happily married men can become infatuated with other women, but so what?

23:59 They say I'm pledged to love that woman and that woman alone. I don't care about my crazy feelings and infatuations. And a man can trample them under his own feet by the grace of God.

24:12 Well, you just didn't feel free to be honest with you. That's all.

24:18 And I'd be willing to take a survey of men who are happily and stably married here tonight, and I'd be willing to bet if betting were proper and I had the money to bet that there are very few who would not admit that there are times in their lives when they've felt a strong infatuation for another woman. So what? God says you're to have a love that is set upon your own legitimate wife. And when tempted to see it moved in another direction, no!

24:45 It is a love like unto the love that Christ has for His church, an exclusive, particularistic love. Then thirdly, He tells us about the quality of this love, the characteristics of it. It is a sacrificial love. Look at the text again.

The Quality of Love: Sacrificial and Purposeful

25:01 Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church and did what? Gave Himself up for it. Gave Himself up for it. It was His love that moved Him to give.

25:19 It is His love that moves Him to nourish and to cherish the church. As one has said, the very life of love is to spread itself, to spend itself for the sake of another. The very life of love is to spend spend itself for the sake of another. Now notice the text does not say He gave up something from Himself.

25:45 That's easy. But it says He gave Himself. He gave the totality of His being to redeem His people. I lay down my life for the sheep, all that I am.

26:00 I lay it down on their behalf. A sacrificial love. And let me say by way of application, lust and infatuation can lead any man to a marriage altar and off to a honeymoon.

26:16 But only this kind of love, sacrificial love, can make him a good husband.

26:23 This means that a husband must learn to give up time, pleasures, certain ambitions, friends, and many lawful liberties if he's going to make this relationship of marriage work. A self-centered, selfish man can abuse this concept of headship, but he'll never mirror the headship of Christ. He's exercised in a way of self-sacrifice.

26:45 And I speak now to you young ladies when a young man starts saying to you, I love you. You ask him, what do you mean by that?

26:53 Are you ready to give up your circle of friends so that I become your closest friend as well as your wife? I'm amazed how many husbands and wives are not good friends. Real good buddies. Just two weeks ago after the children were off to school and my wife and I sat and had coffee together and then talked over some church problems and then we got together.

27:14 We just talked about other things of just general interest. And her hair was up in curlers and she had bags under her eyes and she looked a mess. Still in her house coat and she went over to put the coffee cups in the sink and I went and put my arms around and I said, you know what makes our marriage such a delight to me, dear? She said, what?

27:31 I said, you're not only my wife, my spiritual confidant, the mother of my children, my lover, but you're my best friend next to my Lord Jesus Christ.

27:44 There's no one else I'd rather be with just to talk. Just to share. Just to enjoy. My wife's my best friend in the world.

27:54 Now isn't that what every Christian can say of Christ? He's my best friend. He's never too busy to listen, to turn away that he won't turn and hear my cry. He's never so preoccupied with the affairs of administering his mediatorial kingdom for what he listens to the slightest whimper that goes forth from my heart.

28:16 What about you husbands? Are you loving your wives with a sacrificial love? Do you plan to watch the Monday night football game? And your wife evidences that there's a particular problem and she's sending out those signals.

28:28 She wants to talk. What do you do when she does that? Do you forget your Monday night football game and after the kids are in bed just sit down and say, honey, there's something on your mind. Let's talk it out.

28:39 Oh, you say, but I'd have to give up. Yes, you would. Husbands love as Christ loved and gave himself.

28:48 Gave himself. I'm appalled at how insensitive husbands are to the emotional needs of their wives, to the social needs, to their wives.

29:01 No wonder some of them have become angry women livers. If I were in their shoes, I would too, apart from the grace of God. When I've been treated like a thing, some kind of a machine that wears a skirt or wears a dress, that washes dishes and changes diapers and cooks meals and kisses husbands, but just a thing.

29:24 You husbands ought to make your wives feel that she has the most glorious role under heaven in being a wife and a mother. And she'll feel that way if you begin to love her with a sacrificial love that is sensitive to her needs. And unless a woman is an out-and-out rebel against God, there are very few women who will not gladly submit to a husband who begins to love her like that. She'll feel so safe and secure and comfortable in the canopy of that kind of love that she'll be the most sweet, loving, submissive wife a man can want.

30:03 Not only a love that is realistic, but not only a love as we've seen that is exclusive and sacrificial. But look at verses 26 and 27. It's a love that is purposeful. Notice, he loved the church, gave himself, sacrificial.

30:20 Why? In order that he might sanctify it. Verse 27, in order that he might present the church to himself. In other words, his love has a distinct and well-defined purpose.

30:35 The perfection and the presentation of the church to himself as a bride. That's a love and that's his purpose. Oh, think of it tonight, Christian. When the Son of God went to the cross and had with him and in him the whole body of his elect, a multitude whom no man can number out of every kindred, tribe, and tongue, and nation, what did he have before his mind as he marched to Golgotha?

31:02 He saw a perfect bride and a bride that one day would be presented to him at his coming and be the fulfillment of the longings of his heart as the heavenly bride. And he said, Father, it's worth it. It's worth it, Father! And that's why he died.

31:24 That he might perfect the church, that he might present the church. Now he says, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved, not only with a realistic, not only with an exclusive and a sacrificial love, but a purposeful love. Husbands, you should have a vision concerning that. Concerning that which your love will make your wife under the blessing of God.

31:47 And what is it? The development of her spiritual life, the provision of her physical, emotional, and psychological and mental needs. That your wife may be more and more to your delight, to her happiness, and to God's glory. A wife who fits the pattern of the Word of God.

32:08 Husbands, love your wives with a purposeful love.

32:13 Do you periodically ask yourself, am I under God being the instrument to see my wife made more and more into the image of Christ?

32:23 Do you want to have your heart searched as the husband? Ask your wife when you go home tonight, dear, have I been a true priest to you? Have I been a true prophet to you? Have you come to know the Savior better because of me?

32:36 Are you more like him because of me? I dare you to ask your wife that.

32:43 If she can't say yes, you've been a failure to her, man. You've been a miserable failure to her. Oh, I bring home the bread. So could a trained chimpanzee go down and perform what the locals do and let the people throw the quarters and gather them up in a cup and come home and dump it on the table and then go in and take his paper and watch the food too.

33:03 A chimpanzee can do that. That doesn't take a man, let alone a Christian man.

33:09 But for a man to come through the doors and sense that a wife is distraught and disturbed and lay his plans aside and say, honey, let me help and pitch in and encourage the wife and the kids are down, try to enter in to what's eating at her socks and disturbing her and pray with a love that's concerned about her perfection and her well-being, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Oh, you say, my wife would take advantage of that and just turn it. Oh, no, she wouldn't.

33:40 No, she wouldn't. She might faint.

33:45 She might faint. She might ask you if you'd started drinking. She might ask you if you'd flipped out.

33:55 And she might begin to show a submissiveness that you've always wished she'd show, but which she could not show without feeling it would be to the betrayal of her own best interest because you were so selfish and so self-centered.

The Ground of Love: The One Flesh Union

34:14 And so we've considered the great duty of husbands which is to love their wives, something about that love, the quality of it. Now then, let us consider in the third place the ground of that love. Upon what ground is a man to love his wife as Christ loved the church? And that's the teaching of verses 28 to 32.

34:33 You see, we're just taking you right through the passage. Even so ought men also, here's the introduction of a new thought, to love their own wives as their own bodies.

34:48 He that loveth his own wife loveth himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church, because we're members of his body. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. You see what the ground of this love is? The ground of this love is nothing more or less than the intimate union established between a man and a woman in which the two become one.

35:19 Paul says there is an essential union between a husband and wife that is a picture of the union between Christ and the church. Now this is high ground. Paul says it in verse 32. This mystery is great.

35:33 This is a profound concept, but husbands, you better get hold of it. Now here's the concept. Here's the concept. Christ and his church are joined in such a union that Christ regards us as a part of himself.

35:48 Look at verse 30. We are members of his body. Now the members of my physical body I regard as a part of me. I don't say if that finger gets a splinter, the finger of a certain man has a splinter.

36:04 I say my finger has a splinter. My finger, a member of my body is a part of me. The scripture says when we are joined to Christ spiritually by the Holy Spirit, we become a part of his body. We are, I say it reverently but biblically, we are the completion of Christ.

36:26 We are the fullness of him who filleth all in all. Ephesians 1 and verse 22. Remember what happened when Saul was arrested by the Lord? He didn't say, Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting my disciples?

36:40 He said, why are you persecuting me when you touch my people? You touch me. They are members of my body. Now in the same way, a husband is so joined to his wife that from the consummation of the marriage he is no longer to regard that wife as something out there detached from him, but he is to regard his wife in the same way as he regards Christ regards his church as a part of his very self.

37:13 Look, verse 28. Husbands ought to love their wives as...

37:18 That's the thought of the text. How do I love my own body? Does a man ever hate his own flesh? Stand around with a hammer banging his fingers until they're a bloody pulp?

37:29 Not if he's got all his beans. He doesn't.

37:33 Why, if he just happens to hit the end of it.

37:36 He cherishes his flesh. He cares for his flesh. Now Paul says in the same way, Husbands, regard your wives as being so intimately joined to you that caring for them is caring for yourself. Again, look at the text.

37:54 He says, He that loveth his own wife loves himself. The last part of verse 28. Why? Because that woman has become a part of himself.

38:04 And when did that happen? Verse 31. When the marriage is consummated in the two one flesh union, when that man and woman are joined, joined together in the first experience of sexual intercourse, from that moment in the covenant of mutual commitment, this is what constitutes marriage. A woman says, I leave all others and cleave to you.

38:27 A man says, I leave all others and cleave to you. And when that relationship is consummated in the two one flesh, God says, they are no longer two but one. And from now on, God says to the man, you treat her as though she's a very part of your own body. And I say to you unmarried men, here tonight, listen to me, don't you ever ask a girl to marry you until you're willing to live with the implications of your wedding night.

38:53 To say from this day forward, I will be as solicitous, as careful, as tenderly concerned for this girl, this woman's well-being as I am for my own. And if you're not that mature and ready to die to yourself and live for another, don't get married. You'll turn a woman's life into a living hell.

39:17 And I say to every man, every married man here,

39:20 are you proving in the living room, in the dining room, and in the total experience of life, what you say to your wife in the bedroom? Every time there is the expression of marital commitment in the sexual act, you know what you're saying? You're a part of me.

39:40 Now, do you make it evident that that's really the way you think in every other relationship of life? Maybe that's why your wife is a little something less than all the other women. Maybe that's why your wife is a little something less than all the other women. She's all taken up with your romantic advances.

39:54 She can't believe what you say in the privacy of the bedroom because you contradict in the total lifestyle outside of the bedroom. So that's pretty plain thought. Paul puts it right here in the book.

40:09 The two kids is a part of your That's the curse of the Hugh Hefner philosophy that says, no, a woman is something to be used and discarded. God says, no. When you're prepared to take that woman in that intimacy of the sexual union, you better be prepared to live with the implications of it now from henceforth to be as concerned for her well-being spiritually, mentally, physically, psychologically, emotionally as you are for your own well-being.

40:42 And I say again to you single gals and fellas, you better think of marriage in these categories and it's not easy in our day. You're bombarded constantly in what you read and what you see with the idea if you haven't had a honeymoon by the time you're 17 you haven't lived. That's a lot of baloney.

41:01 Don't you succumb to that pressure.

41:05 This little town of Mount Olive is full of guys that are willing to take girls off on a quick honeymoon. There aren't many who are willing to live with the implications of a honeymoon to treat you as themselves till death parts you. And that's what marriage is all about. That's exactly what marriage is all about.

41:24 Husband, are you regarding your wives as an extension of your very self?

The Expression of Love: Nourishing and Cherishing

41:31 As tenderly concerned for their well-being as you are for your own? The ground of this love is that essential union between a man and a woman. And then last of all what will be the expression of it? Well look at these two words.

41:48 They're beautiful words. Verse 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it even as Christ the church. The word nourish means to provide something with all that is necessary for its normal growth and sustenance and well-being. To cherish means literally to warm to hold and to protect as a mother holds a child in her bosom wrapped in a blanket.

42:18 Both terms express tenderness and solicitude and therefore both are suited to express the care with which every man provides for the wants and comforts of his own body.

42:32 Husbands, what happens if you get a metal chip in your eye? Do you say to your eye stop sending out those irritating signals until I've got time to take care of you? No, so you get a metal chip in your eye and I don't care what you're doing nothing matters until you get that chip out. Why?

42:48 Because you nourish and cherish your own flesh.

42:52 Now he says you treat your wife that way and when she sends out her signals of need and concern don't you meet it either with an unspoken or a spoken rebut and go about your own concern.

43:08 You cherish you must begin to think in terms of her being an extension of your very self. Charles Hodge has a great comment on this passage he says a man may have a body which does not altogether suit him he may wish it were handsomer healthier stronger more active but still it's his body it is himself and he nourishes and cherishes it as though it were the best and loveliest a man ever had. So a man may have a wife whom he could wish were prettier more agreeable but she's still his wife and by the constitution of nature and the ordinance of God she is a part of himself in neglecting or ill using her he violates the laws of nature as well as the law of God.

43:58 Oh dear husbands who of us can stand before a standard like this and not say oh God depart from me I'm an unclean man but that's God's standard. Now who was this written to? It was written to converted slaves pagans people who were brought out of Gentile heath in darkness who treated a wife like a thief and yet Paul says now that you're in Christ and the grace of God is available and the presence and power of the Spirit are there you must accept no lesser standard for your relationship to your wife. Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church.

A Challenge to Husbands: Reflecting Christ's Love

44:40 Let me close with asking a very pointed question tonight. Suppose for some reason all of the Bibles in Mount Olive were confiscated and there was no Bible from which we could read how much Jesus Christ loved his church and how he died for it and how he lives for its well-being. And someone would have come to me and say Preacher I heard in the past as a kid something about Christ loving his church and dying for it. Where can I find out about that kind of love that Christ has to his people?

45:09 Would I be able to say I'll tell you what you do. You go down the house of Mr. So-and-so and you ask if you can come and live with him for a week and you just watch how Mr. So-and-so regards his wife.

45:25 You just watch. You watch closely. You listen as to how he talks to her. You listen and watch how he's sensitive to all of the news.

45:34 And you come back and we'll talk about it. He goes off he goes to your house he comes back in a week and I say to him what's your impression of Christ's love to the church? Would he be able to say oh listen Preacher listen Preacher that man's not perfect and he's the first one to admit it. But you know what I've seen this week?

45:51 He's obviously the head of that home. It's obvious that the wife looks to him for direction. The kids respect him and he's the administrative head but I'll tell you something about it. He loves that wife.

46:03 He's sensitive to her needs. You can sense the vibes when you're just there. You can sense that he's constantly got an eye out for her well-being and when the work piled up it wasn't beneath his dignity to pitch in and to help and when I was there as company and put extra pressure I saw him sensitive to her needs. And when he did sin I saw him quick to say I'm sorry and please forgive me.

46:26 Christ must have a unique relationship and a love for his people because I've seen a little picture of it in that home this week.

46:35 Would a visitor be able to say that after living in your home for a week? Watching you husband you you you and me in our relationship to our wives we ought to be able to send them to the home of any Christian husband and say there's an imperfect but a very real picture of the love wherewith Christ loves you.

47:01 Now some of you will never begin to attain that you know why? Because you're as dead as the pew upon which you sit spiritually and your heart is so full of selfishness you can't begin to love this way. And what you need is to be born again of the Holy Ghost. You need to have God give you a new heart so that that self-centered life that you've lived for all these years before and after marriage is changed by the power of God.

47:31 And you no longer live unto yourself but unto him who died and rose again. My friend I forbid you look to Christ who died for sinners as selfish and self-centered as you've been for these 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years but he's able to change that heart. He's the mediator of the new covenant and he lives to give sinners new hearts and to cover their sins in his precious blood. Cry to him and dear Christian man how can you become a better husband?

48:07 Feed often and long upon the love of Christ to you as a member of his body and as you gaze upon his sacrificial realistic exclusive love say oh Lord Jesus help me to love my wife in a way that is something like the love wherewith he loved me. That's God's directed son. No lesser standard is scriptural. May God give you us grace to embrace the standard and then flee to the only one who can give us the power so to live even our great and blessed and mighty Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

48:53 Amen.