The Christian Family: God's Directives to Children

Introduction: God's Directives to Children

0:02 In our two previous studies, we have considered together what I have called God's directives, first of all, to wives, last evening to husbands, and now tonight we come to a consideration of God's directives to children. And may I just underscore that little title. I'm not much of a sermon title maker, so usually when I come up with a title, it may not be very clever, but at least it accurately conveys what the text says, at least I hope it does. These are God's directives. This is not the church's idea of how families should be conducted. This is not a traditional American concept.

0:46 This is what Almighty God, who designed the family, has to say about it. And therefore, it is important for us to receive these directives, not as the opinions of some Yankee, but as the word of the living God.

1:04 This is what God says to wives. This is what God says to husbands. Tonight, we're going to consider what God says to children, and I plead with you, don't quit on us and fail to come tomorrow night, because I, by God's grace, want to see you again. I want to say some things to you men from the word of God that I hope will nail you to the pew.

1:29 Because God's directives for parents come primarily not to the mamas, but to the poplars. Verse 4 says, Fathers, where are your children?

1:43 It doesn't say mothers. He says fathers. Look at it. Look at it in your Bible. It's not on my forehead. It's right there in your Bible. Look at it.

1:51 What does it say in Ephesians 6-4? Parents? Mamas? It says fathers. Where are your children?

2:02 Some of you have been reading the word of God backwards all your life. That's mama's job. I bring home the bacon.

2:10 If that's all you've been doing, you're not worth the name father. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

2:15 You say, Preacher, you've gotten the meddling. You're going to get me mad at you. I hope I get you mad enough to come back to try to prove it wrong. I hope you get so mad you stay up all night studying the Bible to prove me wrong.

2:27 Because if you do, you know what's going to happen? You're going to have your eyes. You're going to have your eyes open and say, I've only been half a father.

2:35 I've only been half a father. I'm the biological cause of my children being born. I'm the material cause of their being clothed and fed. But I've been a miserable failure as to being their spiritual head.

2:48 That's the job of fathers by man. And by God's grace, we want to open that up tomorrow night. So please come. But now I want to talk to the children.

2:59 Young people. The kids. Because God has a very special word. And this is God's word to you.

3:05 And this is God's word to you. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee that thou mayest live long on the earth. All right?

Directive 1: Obey Your Parents 'In the Lord'

3:23 Now I want you kids to do a little, not homework, but a little classwork right now. Look at your Bibles and tell me the two things God says to you in the way of his directives to you. The key word to wives is what? Everybody tell me.

3:38 What's the key word to the wives? Submit. What's the key word to the husbands? Love.

3:43 All right. Now find the two key words to the kids. What are they? When you think you've got them, raise your hand.

3:52 Now the two things that are the key to God's directives to you kids. Fellows, girls, sons and daughters. You got them? You see them?

4:03 What are they? Children, obey. And? And what?

4:09 Honor. All right. There's the two words. God's directives to children come hinging upon these two words and all that they mean.

4:19 Honor thy father and thy mother. Children, obey your parents. So what we're going to do is try to open up the meaning of these directives to the children. First of all, by considering the word obey, what it means, the nature of that obedience, and the reasons for that.

4:38 And then we're going to look at the word honor, what it means, and then why we should honor our parents, and we'll see that there are two reasons, because it's God's commandment and because it has God's special promise. So we're just going to study the word tonight. When I preach to young people, I don't have a different method. Nowhere does God say, preach the word to adults and tell stories and show young people how cute and clever you can be.

5:04 No, no. We're to preach the word to children. We're to preach the word to teenagers, preach the word to old folks. God has no other way to deal with the hearts of men, whether they're two years old, 20 or 90, than by his word.

5:18 So we're going to do tonight what we've done the other night, dig into the word, and try to understand the directives of the living God. All right? Directive number one to the children is, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Now what does the word obey mean?

5:35 Well, the word obey. Here is exactly the same word used in verse five with reference to servants. Look at it. Servants be obedient unto them that according to the flesh are your masters.

5:50 Now that kind of obedience is more clear to us. So let's move from that which is clear to that which is not as clear. When the master calls his servant in, calls him by name, Henry, George, Pete, Elijah, whatever his name may be, he says, Now here is my will for you. This morning I want you to do this, this, this, and this.

6:12 This afternoon I want you to do that, that, that, and that. And when you're done, then the rest of the day is yours. Now once the master makes his mind known, the only thing for the servant to do is to carry out in practice what the master has directed by his words. That's what it means.

6:33 Servants be obedient to them that are your masters. According to the flesh. It means that I receive the commandment of my superior, and as much as lies within me, I carry it out to the full. Now to children, God says, obey your parents.

6:54 That is, be open to their directives, seek to understand their directives, and then carry out those directives to the best. That is, be open to the best of your ability, with every degree of intent, to follow their word. Now what is to be the nature of this obedience? Look at the text.

7:19 Children, obey your parents. We've seen what obey means. But the nature of that obedience is bound up in this little phrase, in the Lord. In other words, this obedience is religious obedience.

7:36 It is. It is. It is. It is.

7:37 It has to do with our responsibility to the Lord. In other words, when I as a child obey my parent, I am to look beyond my parents' commands, beyond my parents' will, beyond my parents' authority, and I am to see standing over my parents, the Lord Jesus Christ himself, and the living God who put my parents' will and over me, to be his representatives, to guide me and to direct me.

8:14 In other words, my obedience to my parents is constantly to think of the smile or the frown, not of my mom or my daddy, but the frown or the smile of my God.

8:32 That's why obedience to parents is a very religious thing. Now a child can be obedient. He can be obedient to his parents and not be a Christian, but no child can be a Christian and be disobedient as a pattern of life to his parents. Some kids obey their parents out of natural love for their parents, out of what we call common grace, that is, grace that has not worked to change their hearts, but grace that restrains their hearts.

9:02 So the fact that a kid is obedient to his parents is no proof he's a Christian, but it is a proof that you are not a Christian if you do. You continually disobey your parents because you show that you've never bowed to the Lord Jesus Christ, you see. If the Lord has put your parents over you, continual, resolute, determined disobedience to your parents is saying, I won't obey the Lord who's put my parents over me.

The Qualification and Reason for Obedience: 'This is Right'

9:34 And so the nature of the obedience that God requires is religious obedience, obey your parents. In the Lord. Now, just like the submission of a wife to the husband, there is this qualifying statement. If we must disobey mom and dad in order to obey God, then we must disobey them.

9:55 For Jesus said, he that loveth father and mother more than me is not worthy of me. Jesus said in Matthew chapter 10 that he came not to bring peace, but a sword, and at times he will divide parents from the children and the children from the parents. But those are the exceptional cases, and there are very few instances when the parents of you children have ever asked you to do anything that would mean you'd have to disobey the law of God. And whatever a parent requires that is not in direct violation of God's holy law, God says you're to obey them in the Lord with reference to the Lord's authority and the Lord's presence and the fact that the Lord will hold you accountable for what you've done.

10:39 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

10:39 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

10:40 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

10:40 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

10:40 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

10:42 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

10:42 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

10:43 Amen. Amen. Now, what reason does God give for that obedience? Look at your Bible.

10:48 The directive is, obey them. The sphere of that obedience, the nature of that obedience in the Lord. Now, what reason does Paul give? Look at the text.

10:57 For. He's going to give us a reason. Obey your parents in the Lord because. For.

11:04 This. Is. Right. And there he stops.

11:11 You ask the question to me, preacher? Why should I obey my mom and my daddy? I'm smarter than they are. They only have a third grade education.

11:21 I know more than they know.

11:24 Why should I obey them? I'm smarter than they are. I've got more sense than they've got in a lot of areas. Why should I obey them?

11:33 You know what God's answer is? One answer. It's right to obey. Then you ask, well, why is it right?

11:39 For the simple reason that God who designed the family tells you to do it. And you don't need any other reason than that. Colossians 3 uses this phrase, Children, obey your parents, for this is well-pleasing in or unto the Lord. The only reason Paul gives for this command, Obey your parents, is because it is right so to do.

12:05 That means that you as a child, you as a son or daughter, must learn to obey your mom and your daddy, not because you understand every reason behind what they ask, what they ask you to do, but simply because God tells you to obey them, and it's right to obey them, period.

12:26 So often when I've given a directive to my children, or not so often, they know better than that, but from time to time, they'll say, but daddy, why? And I say, you need have no other reason than that daddy has required it. That's all. Do you believe your daddy has your good at heart?

12:42 Well, yes. Do you believe your daddy loves you? Yes. Do you believe your daddy makes commands and gives directions to be a cruel, unkind of a tyrant?

12:49 Well, no, daddy. All right, then obey me because I've told you to do this. You need have no other reason. It is right, and that is reason enough, listen now, for a Christian fellow or girl.

13:03 You see, a Christian is someone who's not only trusting in Jesus Christ as the only one who can give him acceptance with God, trusting in Christ and his righteousness, but a Christian is someone in whose heart there is a longing not only to be right with God through the righteousness of Christ, but to do right before God by the power of the indwelling Spirit. And you don't need to convince a Christian that he ought to do what's right. You've got to instruct him as to what is right, but once you've done that, because he's a Christian, he wants to do what is right. And so Paul is appealing to a Christian molded in children,

13:47 assuming that these are Christian children who, who want to do what is right. And if you're a Christian fellow or girl, that's all the reason you need to have to obey your parents, the God whom you say you love says do it because it's right. And you say, all right, Lord, if it's right, even though I may not understand all the reasons, by your grace, I will do it. So right is it that the Holy Son of God, and we made reference to this the other night in preaching to the wives, Luke 2.51 says of the Holy Son of God,

14:19 that he went, shone unto Nazareth and he was subject to his parents. Now, why should Jesus obey his parents? He was wiser than they were when he was just 12 years old. He was up at the temple, temple, amazing.

14:35 The doctors of the law, the professional clergyman, the professional theologians, he was astounding them with his wisdom and his questions. If that was true of the doctors of the law, how much more of his humble peasant mother and father, he was wiser than they were. He was their creator. He made them.

14:55 He was their Lord. He was their Savior. Mary said, my soul has rejoiced in God, my Savior. And Jesus is that God who is her Savior.

15:08 And yet it says he went down to Nazareth and was subject to them. Why was the Son of God subject to his parents? Because it's right. And if the Son of God had not been subject to his parents, he couldn't be our Savior.

15:23 He would have been a sinner.

15:26 Oh, dear young people, get hold of this. You claim you're a Christian. You want to do what's right. All right, God's telling you what's right.

15:35 Obey your parents and the Lord. And the proof for many of you that you've never been born again, that you're not Christians, is you don't want to do what's right if it means obeying your mom and your daddy. You want to do your own thing. Leave me alone!

15:51 When you say that to your mom and your daddy, you know what you're saying? You're saying, God, don't mess around with me. Keep your hands off me. I want to do my own thing.

16:02 Because God has put mom and daddy over you. And rebellion against your mom and your daddy is rebellion against the living God. Now let me derive a few lessons from this first part of God's directives to children. This has a great word to you parents.

Application to Parents: Give Clear, Biblical Directives

16:20 You say, well, I don't see it there. It says children. It doesn't say anything about parents except they're to obey us. Ah, but listen, parents.

16:27 This passage, this passage assumes that you are giving positive directives to your children that can be obeyed. You can't obey suggestions. You can only obey positive directions. And the whole assumption of this passage is that Christian parents have got enough biblical sense that they sit down, father and mother, and they wrestle through the principles upon which they will administer the home and they give, give positive, reasonable, clear directions to their children.

17:03 This whole idea that we must stand back and let the kids do the things that please them is a concept that comes from the pit of hell. It doesn't come from the scriptures.

17:16 If servants are to obey the masters, the masters better give some orders to the servants. And the first servant runs around all day scratching his head saying, well, I hope I'm doing the right thing, but the master never tells me anything. And there are poor children whose parents give them no positive direction and they need that positive direction not until they're 11 or 12 or 13 or 16. They need it right up until they're 20, 21 and sometimes even beyond that.

17:50 God have mercy on the father who gives no positive direction to his sons. The mother who gives no positive direction to her daughters. Parents, can your kids be good? Can your kids take this passage seriously?

18:05 They can't and implement it unless you as a parent are giving clear, positive directions. And I'm convinced the reason we have so little firm direction in our homes today is parents don't know who they are. They don't know who they are. It hasn't gripped them that God has put me in this home to give direction to my children.

18:28 It's not that I'm wiser, smarter, more intelligent, more experienced. In the church, in the Ten Commandments, God makes plain that every father has the right to administer the rule of God within his own home. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. In it thou shalt do no work, neither thy sons, nor thy daughters, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass.

18:53 What is God saying? He says the head of every household has the right and the responsibility to be God's representative in the home to administer the law and the rules of the house. The rule of God.

19:07 And when that grips you as a parent, you know what it'll do? It'll drive you into the Bible to say, oh God, I don't want to administer a rule that's based upon my own notions and my own whims and my own desires. I want to administer a rule that's based upon your holy word. Once you as a parent understand what God wants you to administer in his name, then you administer it in the sense of glorious authority that I am placed here by God.

19:36 To give directions to my children. And you make that known to your children as they grow up. Time after time, as we'll touch briefly tomorrow night in the discipline of children, my children have invited their own spankings. You say, are they crazy?

19:54 No. I'll tell you what's happened. We've trained them to realize that God has placed us over them. To give directions which if obeyed bring our smile, which if disobeyed bring our frown and the rod, which if disobeyed bring our corruption.

20:09 Many a time I sat down with one of the children and said, now did you do thus and thus? Yes, Daddy. Why did you do it? Because I wanted to.

20:19 Did you know you were doing wrong? Yes. All right, you disobeyed a clear command of Mommy or Daddy. Yes.

20:27 What must Daddy do? Daddy must spank me. Why? Because God says you must.

20:34 I say, all right, then Daddy's going to obey God. Drop your breeches, son. Bend over the bed. You say, doesn't he fight you?

20:43 No, because he knows it's not his Daddy giving him a spanking because his Daddy's a bit bigger and a bit stronger, but because his Daddy is the representative of the God of Heaven to lay the rod upon his backside. So that's extreme. That's biblical. When you mothers sit down with your daughter when she comes to puberty, and you tell her what makes a woman tick and what makes a man tick, why she ought to be modest in her clothes, you tell her what makes a woman tick and what makes a man tick, why she ought to be modest in her clothes, you tell her what turns a man on.

21:15 You girls, if you don't have mamas and daddies that tell you, bared thighs turn men on. Low necklines turn men on. My girls will dress modestly because mom and daddy tell them to dress modestly. Why?

21:33 Because God's put us over our daughters that they should not be an unnecessary provocation of lust to men. That mean you've got to dress with a gunny sack and look like something out of the 1890s? No. Listen, there's lots of color to enjoy, varieties of styles, but when you begin to dress in such a way as to draw the second glance from men, listen girls, listen girls, if your mom and daddy haven't had the guts to tell you this preacher is telling you you're sinning against almighty God.

22:14 Your skirts will be in how short they won't be. You've got a right to say, I'm not going to have someone that looks like a little hussy baring her thigh to the gaze of every lustful man in central Mississippi. Or you say, you've got a parody mind, Mr. Martin.

22:35 No, I don't. I'm thinking biblically. But the scripture says it must needs be that offenses come but woe unto him by whom the offense cometh. It were better that a millstone were hanged about his neck and he were drowned in the sea.

22:52 Do you know who you are, parents? If God says to these kids, obey your parents, he's saying to you as parents, give them positive, not arbitrary directions, but biblical directions. Listen to me tonight. And I don't talk to you this way because I'm angry at you.

23:09 I love you. I love you enough to tell you what's true. And the man that loves you the most is the man that tells you the most truth about yourself. Never forget that.

The Gravity of Disobedience to Parents

23:17 The man that loves you the most is the one that tells you the most truth about you. Now you kids listen. You must come to realize that failure to obey your mom and dad is a great sin of wickedness. How does God look upon the sin of disobedience to parents?

23:36 Let me put it this way. How many of you kids would be tempted to break into your neighbor's house some night when they were away on vacation and steal something from their living room? How would you feel if you got caught in that sin? You'd say, oh, preacher, that was a grave wickedness.

23:54 Listen. You know, God regards the sin of disobedience to parents as even a greater wickedness than stealing from your neighbor. Listen to me. In the Old Testament, God said if somebody stole something, he had to restore it fourfold.

24:12 You know what God said had to be done to the kid that wouldn't obey his mom and dad? He was to be taken out and killed. Taken out and killed. If he stole something, he just had to pay it back with interest.

24:25 If he wouldn't obey his mom and his daddy, he was to be killed. You say, where do you find that in the Bible? All right, open up your Bible. Come on, open it up.

24:35 Exodus chapter 21. In the law of God, God says in verse 15, he that smited his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. Here's a teenager that got kicked off because his dad said he couldn't take the car for a week or a month. He was grounded because he didn't come in at 12 o'clock like he was told.

25:03 He turns around and he covers his dad. God says take him out and kill him. He that smites his father or mother shall be put to death. Look at verse 17.

25:14 He that cursed his father or mother shall surely be put to death. When father or mother gives orders to a kid and he mumbles under his breath as he walks away, aw, go to hell. Or he says, gee, deal. God says if any man is heard cursing father or mother and two witnesses hear him, take him out and kill him.

25:35 That's the Bible. That's what God said to do in the Old Testament. He that curses father or mother put him to death. What about the person who wouldn't obey mom and dad?

25:48 Look at Deuteronomy 21.18. Deuteronomy 21. Verse 18 and following.

25:56 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son that will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother and though they chastise him he will not hearken unto them. They've disciplined him. They've tried to break his will but he won't be broken. Now look at this.

26:15 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him and bring him to the elders of the city to the gate of his place and they shall say to the elders stubborn and rebellious he will not obey our voice he's a glutton and a drunkard and all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones so shall thou put away the evil from the midst of thee and all Israel shall hear and fear. You say that's pretty stiff medicine. You bet your boots that's stiff medicine. Did you see what God was trying to get across to Israel?

26:51 That disobedience to parents is a great and a foul form of wickedness. Oh but you say that's in the Old Testament. Everything's all new and cushy and sweet and lovey-dovey in the New Testament. Listen. Whenever God

27:09 lists the indications of increased and heightened forms of wickedness you know what he puts in the middle of it? Disobedience to parents. Look at Romans chapter 1. Paul says that the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against the wickedness of men.

27:30 And one of the marks of increased and abounding wickedness aggravated forms of wickedness. Romans 1 in verse 30 look what it says. Back biters haters of God insolent, haughty boastful inventors of evil things disobedient to parents. Paul says whenever disobedience to parents becomes the in thing evidence of a terribly advanced state of abounding wickedness.

28:08 I was just reading in my own devotions this morning 2 Timothy chapter 3 and Paul warns Timothy that things are going to get bad in the last days. And notice how he describes the condition 2 Timothy 3 but know this that in the last days grievous difficult times shall come. Why? Men shall be lovers of self lovers of money boastful, haughty railers disobedient to parents.

28:48 Oh dear young people listen failure to obey your mother and your father is an evidence of an aggravated sin and it will bring down the intense judgment of Almighty God. Now if you kids who are Christians begin to look at it this way see what will happen suppose you were tempted to steal something from your neighbor as a Christian what would you do with that temptation the moment the devil suggested it to your mind what would you do? I hope you'd recoil in horror and say Lord Jesus drive that foul thought from my mind suppose some of you fellows were tempted to think impure thoughts to some girls I hope as a Christian fellow you'd say Lord Jesus sweep the mud from my mind

29:32 Lord Jesus make my mind pure if any of you Christian girls had temptation to impure thoughts to young men to older men I hope the first time those thoughts presented themselves you'd say Lord Jesus scour the walls of my mind clean out that garbage now in the same way you need to treat temptations to be disobedient to your parents because God regards it as wickedness of the highest form alright that's the first directive children obey your parents the sphere of that obedience in the Lord the reason for it because it's right but that's only half of your duty look now at the other half

Directive 2: Honor Your Father and Mother

30:17 honor thy father and thy mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth now what does the word honor mean well you see the word honor goes beyond obedience let me give you a little illustration I think this is supposed to be true story you know the Quakers talked in the old English language old Elizabethan English and one time in a meeting you know Quaker meeting has begun and everything is to be silent and the little Quaker girl kept standing up in the pew and the mother pulled her down stand up and pull her down and finally she held her down

31:02 and she looked up at her mother and said mother me sitteth on the outside but me standeth on the inside you see what she was saying I'm obeying on the outside not on the inside you see what we are driving at obedience can be something done on the outside listen here is the gospel there is only one human being who ever perfectly obeyed his mom and his daddy from the time he was this high the first time any command from his mommy and his daddy broke through upon his ears he never once pouted he never once grumbled he never disobeyed

31:45 he honored them perfectly even when he is hanging upon the cross that his mind and heart are filled with the agony of redeeming all of his people in the midst of that agony he didn't forget his mother he said to John son behold thy mother mother behold thy son he was sensitive to the needs of his earthly mother when he was travailing upon the cross to bring the redemption of his church that perfect obedience can be put to my account for I believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and all of my disobedience is paid for by his death upon the cross

32:28 that's what it means to believe on the Lord Jesus that's what it means to be justified I hide in Jesus obedience I hide in Jesus perfectly honoring his father and mother and keeping all the other commandments and I say God God I hide in his perfect righteousness I hide in his death upon the cross oh dear fellows and girls believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved turn away from your sins and flee to Christ and he will give you a new heart and give you the desire and the power to obey

The Gospel and Parental Obedience

33:11 and to honor your parents you need the gospel to be the kindest son or daughter you ought to be and you can't be without the gospel and without the savior whom the gospel sets before you I've been kind of hard on you men because I know we're a proud bunch I've looked at some of you tonight and I leaned over to the preacher and I said what's wrong with those men sitting back there some of you are dumb you didn't sing a word in the hymns the bible says let everything that hath breath praise God I know you're breathing because you haven't turned blue

33:52 you're disobeying God don't you praise God what do your kids think when they see you sit if that's what you do every time you come to church and you never praise God what does your son think he must think that praising God is unmanly you're never more a man than when you're standing before the Lord your God saying blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ dear ones I'm going back to New Jersey in a few short hours some of you say good the sooner the better

34:35 you're not going to be able to escape what you've heard because the Holy Ghost has taken the word and like those claws of an eagle he's put his talons in your conscience you know what happens to that little rat that little rodent when the eagle swoops down and puts his talons in it the more it struggles the deeper the talons sink into its flesh oh may the holy talons of God sink into the conscience of every unconverted man in this place give you no rest until you come out of the darkness of your sham and hypocrisy into the light of true repentance and embrace the Lord

35:20 Jesus Christ what's the greatest gift you can give to your kids it's not a college education it's not a car on their graduation it's not a fancy wedding with a catered reception meal you know the greatest gift you can give to your kids the privilege of saying the world may be full of hypocrites but I had a true Christian in my daddy I had a true Christian in my mama I thank God I can say that tonight I was brought up in a home that would be considered now borderline poverty but I never felt I was poor because I knew if I ever became a Christian

36:02 I'd be something like my mom and my daddy can your kids say that come on now can your kids say that if they can't you've impoverished your children you've robbed them of the greatest thing they need in this life and you've been a miserable parent and I hope you're so ashamed that you'll hang your head tonight and shed bitter tears and cry to God to make you his child that he might begin to make you into a true father and a true mother God's directives to the children but oh what a wealth of exhortation they contain for us as parents