Practicing Acceptance & Goodwill

Introduction: The Climate of the Home and Child Abuse

0:02 How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children. This is cassette number five in a series given by Pastor Albert M. Martin in the adult Sunday school class of the Trinity Baptist Church on February 3, 1991.

0:16 While others are finding their seats, may I just again urge you to remember to pray for God's blessing upon the preaching of the word as it goes out over the airwaves. I just spoke to Bill this morning, and I know the signal was much clearer out in Cedar Grove this morning and driving in, and he noticed a clearer signal. Now, whether it's just the atmospheric conditions or whether the station has done something to change the signal, but let's pray that that straightforward proclamation of those basic truths, which to many of us are the very elements of our faith, but to others are almost...

0:59 It's like a different religion to be told unless they believe in Christ with a faith that has produced love for Christ and a pattern of obedience to Christ is, in many circles, a strange gospel. And let's pray that God will give it much effectiveness in the hearts of those to whom it came this morning. Now, we come this morning to our fifth study on the crucial subject of a biblical approach to childhood. Child abuse, or, if you like, the alternate title that I suggested last week, How to Foul Up the Training of Your Kids.

1:39 And our entire study rests down upon two fundamental presuppositions. Number one, that the fundamental duties of Christian parents is outlined, or are outlined, in Colossians 3.21 and Ephesians 6.4.

1:56 And number two, that these duties require the righteous use of spanking and authoritative verbal instruction and correction. Now, of equal importance is our working definition of child abuse. It was interesting, in going back over this material for preparation, and in particular, writing out the review, that Webster defines abuse as mistreatment, or injury. And since we can cause abuse to someone or something by positive infliction of harm, or by neglect of what is needful for its well-being, I do believe that we are still in the realm, with this definition, of forms of child abuse. A man may abuse his automobile by taking a handful of sand and putting it down into the oil filler part of the car. And there, he positively abuses his engine. But he may never check the oil, never replace burned up oil, and end up blowing the engine through abuse.

3:11 He is guilty of abusing his engine. One, by the positive introduction of a harmful ingredient, sand, into the engine. Or, simply by neglecting to give it what it needs for its efficient operation. And so we have been working with this definition of child abuse, a sustained pattern of exasperating, or provoking a child to anger, the sustained neglect, or misuse of those means ordained of God for the child's nurture, or an aggravated act of inflicting permanent damage to a child's body or spirit. Subtitles by the Amara.org community The first area in which we are seeking to discover a pattern of such abuse is that which I have chosen to describe as the overall spiritual, emotional, and physical climate of the home. Within the home, where the father and mother are found and are seeking to function in their God-given role as parents in relationship to their children,

4:31 there is an overall climate or atmosphere which breathes and pulses through that home and which each member of the home is continually absorbing. And we liken these negative influences to abuse. Radon and to suspended particles of asbestos which can be noxious, which can be deadly to those who live within a home characterized by these things. And the first one we dealt with was the radon and the asbestos of hypocrisy and sham as opposed to sincerity and reality in the parent's religious life and experience. If you would send your children out into life dispirited, full of anger, and even cynical, and cooperate with the devil in their damnation, then allow your home to be characterized by the radon and the asbestos of hypocrisy and sham in your religious experience as opposed to reality and sincerity. And we looked in some detail at four pivotal passages in Matthew 23 to see what hypocrisy and religious sham are

5:57 when coming to expression in concrete leadership of a religious nature. And then we have been considering, secondly, what I am calling the home characterized by coldness, distance, tension, and ill-will as opposed to warmth, closeness, harmony, and peace. as opposed to warmth, closeness, harmony, and peace. as opposed to warmth, closeness, harmony, and peace.

6:20 as opposed to warmth, closeness, harmony, and peace. and goodwill. And we are considering those things as they relate to the fundamental relationship of any home, which is the husband-wife relationship. And then last week we began to consider the second most important relationship, the parent-child, and God willing next week we will, or even this morning if we have time, take up the child-to-child, or the sibling relationship.

6:49 And great abuse. And great abuse. And great abuse. And death, and possessing and perpetually mulherial ovulence, and eviction, and smog, and things of a particular level.

God as the Perfect Pattern for Parenting: Warmth and Closeness

7:11 And in the second part of the lecture you'll face another Ford. You'll also be back at Sunday night, Perry Stanley, in Ephesians 6.4 to nurture their children, he's assuming that they are taking seriously the directions of chapter 5, verses 22 to 33, which sets forth the biblical standard for the loving, warm, intimate, goodwill relationship between a husband and wife, which should mirror the relationship of Christ and his church. Now, last week we began to take up, as I've said, the parent-child relationship and to underscore that as parents we must not allow coldness, distance, tension, and ill-will to exist between ourselves and our children. And if such were not possible, then the emphasis of our two pivotal texts, Colossians 3 and 6.4, is totally off-base. Paul, being the realist he was, begins his instructions, the parents, by assuming that they can have attitudes of coldness, distance, tension, and ill-will.

8:24 Therefore, he says, fathers, do not exasperate your children that they be not disheartened. Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath. And in seeking to open up the whole parent-child relationship as it should follow the pattern not of the radon of coldness, distance, tension, and ill-will, but the opposite graces, we tried to establish it on a solid theological foundation. One in which we established two things from the Word of God.

8:59 We first of all established that in our own individual pursuit of holiness, God, as our Heavenly Father, is our great pattern. Matthew 5, 43 to 48, Ye shall be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect, Matthew 5, 43 to 48, Ye shall be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect, and then secondly we established that God as a Father is the great and perfect pattern of parenting in the Word of God. And we saw this close proximity and relationship between our parenting and God's parenting and reasoning back and forth from one to the other in a passage such as Hebrews 12, verses 4 through 11. Well, then we had time, only to establish from the scriptures if God then is our general pattern as our heavenly father for a life of holiness and God in his specific role as a father to his children is our perfect pattern then we should expect that in God we would find the commodity of warmth we would find also the commodity of closeness we would find the qualities of harmony and goodwill and we had time only

10:23 to touch these first two and by considering Isaiah 63 8 and 9, 15 and 16 where God likens himself to a loving tender father and in Isaiah 63, 16 to a nursing mother God is so concerned to show that his relationship to his children is one of one that he would not that he even incorporates into analogy that of a nursing mother with her children and then as far as closeness is concerned we looked at the father in the parable of the prodigal son Luke 15, 20 and we concluded by a consideration of Galatians 4, 6 that God is so determined that he will have experiential closeness with his spiritual children that the Christ that the crowning blessing of his redemptive grace is to place within their hearts the Holy Spirit who comes in many capacities and functions but in this area of concern we are told he is given to us as the spirit of adoption enabling us to experientially enjoy that closeness with God that we can call him father not with a form of love a formal title but as the use of that Aramaic word indicates with the most intimate

God's Disposition of Harmony and Amity vs. Enmity

11:51 filial affection and freedom Abba Daddy would be the best analogy that we have in our current English language now so much for review let us now go on building upon this theological foundation that God as our heavenly father is our general pattern for holiness God in his fathering role is our specific pattern for our parenting let us now consider whether the scripture reveals not only that warmth and closeness mark his parenting but a climate of harmony of amity as opposed to enmity between himself and God and God and God and God and God and God and God and God and God and his children now if I were to ask you to give me a text which clearly states that our native relationship to God is one of enmity what text comes immediately to mind anyone welcome Chip and June lovely to see you alright don't be bashful what text it's been quoted hundreds of times from this pulpit over the course of years alright

13:17 Romans 8 7 here the apostle says the carnal mind is enmity enmity against God and may I just simply mention for the sake of accuracy if you look at the word you'll notice the N comes before the M it's not enmity but it's enmity alright the carnal mind is enmity against God it is not subject to the law of God neither indeed can it be so that in our natural state we are against God far from being in a harmonious relationship to God we are in discord with God we are in positive enmity against Him but now what about God's relationship to us by nature if you turn back to Romans chapter 5 you find that the enmity which is wicked enmity which is at the very essence of sin in the heart of the sinner is reciprocated by God but it is a righteous enmity because of the recoil of His holy being against human sin we are described in Romans chapter 5 as being weak verse 6 we are described

14:44 as being ungodly and again in verse 8 as sinners but now verse 10 for if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God to the death of His Son much more being reconciled we shall be saved by His life now the question is is this describing our enmity to God or God's righteous enmity to us and here without going into a lengthy exegetical argument and giving you the pros and the cons let me simply quote a few lines from Professor Murray's commentary on Romans which I believe is convincing while we were enemies the word enemies should be understood passively not actively that is to say it does not refer to our active enmity against God but to God's holy hostility to an alienation from us the word is used in this sense in Romans 11.28 to denote the alienation from the favor of God to which Israel had been subjected it is contrasted in Romans 11.28 with beloved and beloved obviously means beloved of God not the love of Israel

16:12 to God let's turn to that passage Romans 11 and verse 28 as touching the gospel they are enemies for your sake but as touching the election they are beloved for the Father's sake and so his point is that in this context the same word is used in a passive not an active sense hence enemies refers to a hostility of which God is the agent and means the alienation to which God which Israel had been subjected in God's judgment likewise in 5.10 it is this meaning that is appropriate to the context what is in view is the alienation from God and the fact that reconciliation took place when we were in a state of alienation so there is the sinner his heart enmity towards God not subject to the law of God a horrible wicked sin , sinful enmity and there is God in his righteousness and holiness with a disposition of infinitely pure and righteous enmity to the sinner because of his rebellion and his sin and yet while in this state of enmity

17:40 God who can both hate and love at the same time and here we must not allow human logic to overturn the clear teaching of the world this God in love not that the son came to change the father's enmity who was nothing but enmity toward us God had righteous enmity against us he is angry with the wicked every day and yet while angry with the wicked he so loved as to give his only begotten son and when the son was given given not only to be the incarnate God man but in that unique identity to live under the law a life of perfect obedience to go to the cross and bear the curses of a broken law what did he do turn now to second Corinthians chapter 5 and verse 18 but all things are of God now notice how personal is the language who reconciled us not simply to the court and to the law of heaven it would be indeed a glorious thing

19:10 simply to have the righteous complaints of heaven's court settled against us but we are not merely reconciled to the powers that be as though they were impersonal and detracted from God himself but God reconciled us to himself through Christ and then Paul goes on to say he's now imparted this ministry of reconciliation that is that God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself not reckoning unto them their trespasses and now that his righteous enmity has been removed in the person and work of his son Paul says we now go out and we preach to men cease from your enmity to God stack arms and see in this great and gracious God one worthy of your trust and allegiance turn to this God through the Lord Jesus with full purpose of and in defractor not only new obedience but restored fellowship and communion that the warmth and the closeness and the harmony of Eden may now be restored through the gracious work of God in Jesus Christ so that God

20:40 in redemption is determined that disinherited sons of Adam part of a fallen world shall be reconciled to himself that is brought into a relationship of righteous harmony and amity as opposed to disharmony and enmity and as I was searching the scriptures for explicit statements that as the Father his disposition is one of harmony and amity towards us I could have chosen all of the passages where it speaks of the love of the Father but I've deliberately bypassed some of those not because they are unimportant and not because one of the very inherent qualities of love is to seek to attain and maintain harmony with its objects but it's just that that's so much a part of our consciousness it hardly means proving so I'm trying to prove we're all breathing but I was seeking for things that perhaps I had overlooked and that might enrich my own appreciation of my Father's heart committed to me to sustain a relationship of harmony and amity within his own spiritual family and one of the most obvious things struck me and I found great blessing

Apostolic Greetings: Grace and Peace from God Our Father

22:08 reading over the greetings of the epistles and I want you to look at just two of them as a specimen of what I'm driving at when the apostles sit down to write their letters and particularly the apostle Paul this is part of his standard greeting he contemplates a given congregation at a given place and what are the first words that he speaks to them after identifying himself and as in the case of the book of Romans giving some very rich theological lines of truth but when he makes direct address to the people of God how does he do it well look at Romans 1 7 Romans 1 7 to all that are in Rome beloved of God old saints and that doesn't mean simply designated saints but saints who are saints because God has effectually called you out of darkness into marvelous light to all that are at Rome beloved of God those who have been set apart unto God by his effectual call grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ now keep those words in mind as we turn to the second

23:37 passage 1 Corinthians chapter 1 and hopefully at your leisure you'll trace this out in the other instances of the apostolic greeting 1 Corinthians chapter 1 with all the problems that that church of Corinth had Paul identifies himself identifies the church to whom he is writing verse 3 grace to you and peace from God our Father not God our Savior God our sovereign God the majestic one of all the ways in which he could identify God as the one from whom there is this constant supply of grace unmerited favor and kindness and all the gifts that it brings and the peace and the peace the presence shalom of God the goodwill of God's heart towards us he says grace and peace from God our Father you who are in the family he says when you think of your heavenly Father think of him as having a heart that is ever towards you in unmerited favor and all of the gifts that it brings with it a heart that is towards you with peace

25:05 and not simply peace as the absence of warfare peace as the absence of tension but a positive grace of all the goodwill and favor of God and even though he had some pretty tacky issues to address in that church at Connaught and even though he had to scold them in the spirit and rebuke them and rebuke them he does it all in the context of sorting out affairs within God's household and he says in all of my sorting out of the affairs never never think of your Father in any other relationship but one of harmony amity graciousness goodwill and peace what a difference that makes when the Father in heaven is really giving it to us to know that his heart is gracious toward us and he wishes us nothing but good it's amazing what a son or daughter will take from a father whose goodwill and whose determination to maintain a harmonious loving relationship is patient it's amazing what the child will take from such a father but it's not

26:34 amazing that the child that has a capricious father who one day smiles and the next day frowns one day communicates and the next day doesn't communicate capricious unpredictable the child is on pins and needles wondering whether there's going to be the barking of a rebuke or whether there's going to be the speaking of something kind and that's also true of mothers as well since you as mothers are to reflect God your heavenly father as the perfect parenting model and here sexual differences are obliterated and God is our great model of parenting whether we be the maternal or the paternal part of the parenting team and what a blessed thing to know that that which characterizes God's disposition and dealings with us may I use the word reverently the climate of the spiritual household is that of harmony that may not be the best word but it begins with reconciliation it's the opposite of enmity which is amity a-m-i-t-y and all that those words bring with it and that is to be the characteristic of our relationship to our children now let me ask is that the climate of your home?

Parental Harmony: Overcoming Resentment and Cultivating Openness

28:04 one of patent unquestioned determination to keep harmony within that household so that between not only husband and wife there is evident harmony but between parents and child harmony when the child is younger and its dependantness makes such demands upon you particularly as a mother that you can begin to develop resentment and resentment always puts its object at a distance you never cuddle that which you resent right? no man cuddled his wife when he resents something she did to him he finds excuses to go out and change the oil wash the car break the lease maybe doing something she's been on his neck to do for three months never had time to but let resentment come and suddenly he's got all the time in the world to do it why? because resentment immediately puts distance between you and the object of your resentment am I talking to mothers here who see with resentment when it's mummy this mummy this mummy that mummy this mummy this mummy this and you resent those demands and the climate that is the opposite of harmony begins to mark your dealings with the children how will it come out? sharp words looks

29:32 attitudes deeds that do not in any way reflect the way our heavenly father deals with us how many times in a day do we cry out oh god help oh god give wisdom oh god give strength oh god we're all the time bugging god with our needs but what does the scripture say he upraises not and that's in the context of asking him if any of you lack wisdom let him ask of god who gives to all liberally and does not upraise god doesn't say get away from me stop bothering me you've been bugging me all day god is not like that as a father don't you be like that as a mother don't you be like that as a father you're to be like god your parenting is to reflect god's parenting you're to determine to keep a relationship of harmony even those kids get to the place where you feel there's nothing more to give it's at such a point when you think you have a justifiable reason to be irritated and blow your car that if you would say lord i have no right to be unlike you but oh god if you don't put something in me that ain't there i'm going to be unlike you and then his strength is made perfect in the midst of our weakness when you're brought to the end of all your

31:00 natural strength and patience to keep a climate of harmony that's when you cry to god and then when you get through that morning and you bow over your lunch you say oh god you said oh my heavenly father thank you for getting me through the morning without sharp words to the kids thank you for getting me through the morning without resenting them in all their demands and their needs oh my father thank you that you didn't upbraid me when i asked you for grace and patience and forbearance that the climate of the home might remain one of harmony then when they get a little older they get a little older and here you've been praying that god would help you to develop in them independent judgment a critical faculty to learn how to think and to reason then what happens they begin to do the very thing you've been praying and cultivating them to do and now they start asking questions you know it can happen you can begin to resent that and let it build up a wall because no longer is this this unquestioned little recruit that simply does what you say, because you say it. Granted, you will not allow questioning in a cheeky, insubmissive way, or let the child think that his obedience is suspended upon his agreeing that your judgment is right. Oh no, I hope you have a home where

32:29 you don't have to answer why before the child obeys. I tried that. As I came out of that infant stage into the pre-teen teen stage, and my father would give a direction, and I'd say, Dad, why? He'd say, because I'm your father, and I told you to do it. Yes, sir.

32:48 And after I did it, he'd sit me down and say, now, son, sit down. I want to tell you why I told you what to do. But I wasn't going to explain ahead of time. You obey me because I'm your father, and God says you to obey me. But now I want you to show my direction is not arbitrary. This is why. And then he taught me how to think through an issue, and how to make responsible decisions, so that when I would be a father, I'd know what decisions to make. And if I said, do it because I tell you, I could also later on sit down and say, now, you know why I told you to do that? Because I just felt like that was the right thing to do. I just followed my gut. No. I thought the thing through. So don't anyone take from what I'm saying the justification of this nonsense that parents are under obligation to explain the rationale for their demands before they expect obedience. That's not being like God. God's God says to his loving, obedient son Abraham, go take your son out and kill him. And Abraham doesn't say, Lord, why? Lord, if I do that,

33:57 is the promise going to be fulfilled? And how are the... It says he rose up early the next morning and went out and got right to the place where the knife was raised. Our Heavenly Father is not under obligation to explain his ways to us. If he speaks, that's enough. We're to obey.

34:16 Now, thank God, in his word, and many times by his providence, and blessed be God one day in his presence, he'll give a full explanation of all the strange things he asked us to do. But he's God, and he has no obligation to explain his ways to us. And while we are not God, we stand in a sense in the place of God to our children. That's why God says in the Psalms, he says to man, I said, ye are God's.

34:45 Judges hold a place. A God-like place with respect to those over whom they have jurisdiction. And you and I hold a God-like place with reference to our children. But as they begin to develop that independent judgment, we can begin to get irritated.

35:03 I've got to stop and explain the rationale for this. And I'm not quite so sure I like this business of my kid being able to think through issues and maybe show up the fallacies in my own thinking. And when you have a family powwow, you've talked the thing through with your wife, and you thought you had the thing pretty well laid out, and then you laid it before the kids, and you got their input, and lo and behold, they thought of things you didn't. And you can do one of two things.

35:27 You can resent it and put distance, or you can keep a harmonious climate by saying, you know, thank you kids. You helped mom and dad see something we hadn't taken into consideration. We've got to go back to the drawing room and re-examine this decision about where we were going on vacation and for how long and with whom. We hadn't thought of some of those things. And what happens?

35:47 Instead of resentment and distance, harmony. The kids say, hey, mom and dad aren't bullheaded. They're fair-headed. They listen to reason.

35:57 Am I talking to parents who know anything about this? Or is your home full of enmity? Full of the opposite of this kind of harmony that we're talking about? Because either the scenario of the little ones with all their demands, or the scenario of older ones and the peculiar demands they make, well, whatever they are, your parents should know that your kids should know that your disposition is one of grace and of peace.

God's Goodwill: Pity, Knowledge, and Realistic Expectations

36:31 That your heart is towards them committed that harmony shall be maintained in your relationship between you and your children. And if you sense distance, you take the initiative and sit down with them and ask them if something's troubling them. Something bottled up within them. This is what God does with us, is by His Word and His Spirit He is constantly seeking to remove from us anything that causes distance in our relationship to Him. Well, then, very quickly, the matter of goodwill. Does goodwill mark all of God's dealings with His children? Well, let's look at several passages in the Old, and several passages in the New Testament. First of all, Psalm 103.

37:24 God is the perfect parent, is set before us in Psalm 103 in one of the richest sections in all of Scripture on this subject.

37:37 Psalm 103 beginning with verse 8. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness. He will not always chide, doesn't keep harping on an issue, neither will He keep His anger forever. Yes, He will get angry, He has righteous anger, but He just doesn't go on in a fit. He hath not dealt with us after our sins nor rewarded us after our iniquities. He's given us less, far less than we deserve. As the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His loving kindness toward them that fear Him. As far as the east, is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us. Like as

38:28 a father pitieth his children, so Jehovah pitieth them that fear Him. For He knoweth our frame, He remembereth that we are dust. What is pity? It is that feeling of concern that always seeks to find an expression, if appropriate, to do something that will respond to the need that has created that emotion of pity.

39:03 Mercy is pity joined to action. But like as a father pities his children, it seems to be a description of the prevailing state of a righteous father's heart. It is one of continual pity, born of an accurate knowledge of what the child is. And often God reasons downward to man.

39:28 Here we're reasoning upward to God. There is an analogy. There is something in man from which we learn something profound about God. And it's only in man because it was first of all in God. Like as a father pities his children, so Jehovah pities them that fear Him. For He knows. It's what is in his cognitive faculties as God that causes his heart to be moved with pity. He remembers.

40:02 It is what God retains in his retentive cognitive faculties that undergirds his pity. He knows our frame. He remembers that we are dust. Fathers, mothers, be like God in your parenting.

40:19 Be like God so that a disposition of pity towards your children is there. A pity born of the knowledge of what they are as children. What they are as sinful children. So that you do not have expectations that exceed either their physical motor capacities at a given age, their intellectual capacities, or their spiritual capacities and emotional capacities.

40:52 Few things are more of the nature of child abuse than a parent who sets up such unrealistic standards and is continually expressing his displeasure to the child that doesn't meet them. The child can never do anything right. The child can never do anything acceptable. You want to violate Colossians 3?

41:16 That's the quickest way to do it. Fathers, do not exasperate your children that they be not dispirited. Do you want to exasperate them and dispirit them? Then fail to pity them remembering what they are.

41:33 Expect of them the obedience of a mature angel.

41:40 And then frown and scold and spank when they don't render it. Do you want to exasperate them? That's the quickest way to do it.

41:48 Is that what you're doing? Because of your own pride? Or because of something in your own heart that's never been dealt with before God? I wonder how anyone who lives under the pity of God cannot be a pitying parent. I wonder if you've ever seen your own sin if you treat your kids that way. I really wonder. I really wonder.

42:12 Because the moment we start to remember waiting in it, that's not the way my father deals with me. And remember how intimate these things are. According to 1 John, if you profess to have dynamics of relationship to the unseen God, and those dynamics are not reflected in your relationship to seen human beings, John says it's phony. He that says he loves God whom he does not see, and yet doesn't love his brother whom he does see, something's fishy. Something's phony.

42:47 You say, oh yes, I'm a Christian and I remain one because of the pity of God. And yet you have no pity to your own children? Come off it. Have you really seen yourself a sinner?

43:02 Who is upheld as well as was originally introduced to the orbit of God's favor because of his pity to sinners? What a beautiful thing is a home where none of God's righteous standards are pared down, but where they are implemented in the context of pity between parent and child. You don't pare down God's standard when it says here, he hath not dealt with us after our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. He doesn't lower the standard of sin and iniquity.

43:38 He just deals with us pitifully in the face of our sins and iniquities. Yes, ultimately on the grounds of the death of his son and the mediation of his son, so God doesn't overlook sin, but this is talking about the climate, the chemistry, the dynamics of God's interpersonal relationship with his children. It's one of good will.

God's Goodwill: Planning Ahead and Honoring His Children

44:03 Pity has in its very essence good will to its object. You see a man lying by the road. He's been hit by a car or fell off his bike. You pity him. You don't walk up and kick him.

44:15 Someone says, what do you do to that boy? You say, well, I pity him. You see, it's the very nature of pity to do that which is in the best interest of its object, according to one's present ability. Well, we must hasten on. Look at a couple of other texts to show God's disposition is one of good will. Jeremiah 31, a marvelous passage where God as Father speaks of his pity and his concern for his people. Jeremiah 31, 8. Behold, I will bring them from the north country, gather them from the uttermost parts of the earth, and with them the blind and the lame, the woman with child in her that travaileth with child together. A great company shall they

45:03 return thither. They shall come with weeping and with supplication, will I lead them. I will cause them to walk by rivers of waters in a straight way, wherein they shall not stumble. Why?

45:16 For I am a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn. God says, I'll take my children, my nation that has sinned against me, sinned to the point where I must cast them out of the land and let them come under foreign domination as chastisement for their sin. But when I restore them, he says, I will do all this good. Why?

45:48 Because I'm a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn. There is God's goodwill to his children, manifested in granting to them far beyond that which they could have expected. Malachi 3, in verse 17. Malachi 3, in verse 17.

46:14 Speaking of the remnant of God-fearers, and they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, even mine own possession, in the day that I make, and I will spare them as a man spareth his own son that serveth him. As a father spares his own son, as his heart is moved with goodwill to do him good, God says, so I will do this to my own possession. And then, in the New Testament, again trying to focus upon text that may not be quite so obvious, in Matthew chapter 25, I was struck with this in my preparation. In the day of judgment when the Lord Jesus sits upon his throne, and separates the sheep from the goats, speaks to his own the sheep, notice his words in verse 34. Then shall the King, the Lord Jesus, sitting as judge upon the throne, say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father. You who are under the peculiar favor and goodwill of the

47:41 Father, come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. The heart of my Father was toward you in goodwill from the foundation of the world. Now enter into that which his goodwill has prepared for you. Now this brings into focus, you see, the thought that goodwill is something that plans ahead, the well-being of its object.

48:13 God is our Father, planned ahead what would be the inheritance of the righteous after the day of judgment passes. And so if we are like God, our goodwill will be planning ahead, thinking ahead of ways in which we can express that goodwill to our children. Two other texts quickly, one very familiar, Luke 11, 13. If you who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Father in heaven or your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him? The parallel passage in Matthew, give good gifts to his children. We who are evil, and at the heart of evil is selfishness, but in spite of that selfishness, whether it dominates in the unconverted and finds expression in common grace, or whether that selfishness is resident in the converted, though not there as dominant, but resident in either case, if we who are evil not only know how, but delight to give good gifts to our children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him? Anything in our hearts that is of goodwill, that delights to give good things, is a reflection

49:40 of the infinite heart of God. Now the assumption is that a man who does not delight to give good things to his children is less than a normal man. You who are evil, that's the assumption. Know how to give good gifts.

49:58 So what is it then? When Christian parents in Trinity Baptist Church have a prevailing spirit of ill will to their children, breaking out in angry words, breaking out in cutting words, breaking out in holding back from things that would cost very little monetarily, that would be positive affirmations of goodwill, and we allow distance and alienation to come as a result. I say it's a form of child abuse. We're doing injury to that child, not by putting sand down the oil spout, but by not filling it up with the oil that it needs to function properly over the long haul. And how many times do we have to sit in our studies as elders sorting out the burned out engines that didn't have the oil of goodwill poured in by parents during those most formative years? And so people don't know how to relate to us, because they didn't relate to those who had authority mingled with goodwill, and anything in authority has written all over it. And their parents set them up for the mess we've got to try to solve.

51:24 And some of you are setting up your kids for the mess some other other elders will have to overcome.

51:33 Insecure people, the fruit of holes where there was no real fought between the parents and the children. What a tragedy. One final text, John 12, 26. John 12, 26, the Lord Jesus speaking, If any man serve me, let him follow me, and where I am there shall my servant be.

52:09 If any man serve me, this is one of the most amazing statements in all of the Bible. Him will my Father honor. My Father will honor the one who serves me, Jesus says. Now wait a minute. We belong in hell. We ought to be roasting in the pit. If we get our sins forgiven, and get the court of heaven in its record so adjusted righteously through the work of Christ that we're welcomed into his presence, then it's enough that we should be able to slink off in a corner and just sit and watch all the glorious things Jesus said my Father will honor.

52:51 Positively confer honor upon him. That's grace upon grace. Why? Because his heart's full of goodwill as a father.

53:00 And if your heart is full of goodwill to your children, you'll look for ways to honor them. To honor them in the theater of their own consciousness by legitimate praise and encouragement. To honor them before their siblings without unnecessarily creating a climate of jealousy. Honoring one but never another. But in due proportion giving honor to the children before one another. Before the parent. Honey, I've got to tell you what she did today. Were you aware that she did thus and thus?

53:34 Well, I think you ought to know that. And you give due praise and honor to the child in front of husband or wife. In front of siblings. You're being like God. God honors those who serve his son. It's the honor of grace. It's wholly undeserved. But he does it anyway.

53:55 Now be like him. Seek to create a climate in the home where a child won't faint if he gets praise for something he only did because he thought it might please you. He wasn't doing it to get a medal of honor.

54:12 Nonetheless, you give him the badge of honor upon his breast. Praise and expressions of appreciation.

Conclusion: Embracing God's Standard for Parenting

54:22 Well, I come to summarize as I close. God is the perfect father. Discloses himself as one whose disposition to his children is validated in words, deeds, is a disposition of warmth, closeness, harmony, goodwill. He does it in the explicit affirmations of his word.

54:44 We've looked at many of them. In the manifold revelation of himself in Jesus Christ, John 14 7-9, he that hath seen me hath seen the Father. And surely if anything marks the Lord Jesus in his relationship to his own followers, it is these qualities. And he says, he that hath seen me hath seen the Father.

55:08 And so you and I as parents must accept no less a standard than that which God has put before us. Try to God for the enablement of his grace. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. We must repent of the things that are contrary to these graces.

55:26 When we've allowed in our relationship to our children distance and coldness and enmity and ill will, sit down and confess our wrongs to our children. We must positively engage in appropriate expressions of hugging our kids, telling them we love them, making time to be interested in their world, not allowing irritation and friction to build up, not setting unbiblical and unattainable standards and then clobbering them when they don't meet them. May God grant, may God grant that this will be the climate of our homes. Thank God I saw it in a couple of homes this week.

56:11 For one parent it meant he has had to learn how to show some degree of delight with a snake crawling around his arm because his son likes snakes and he's showing good will to his son. I went as far as I could. I watched the snake eat a mouse but when they said, would you like him around your arm, I begged off. I showed my good will by watching him take the mouse in one bite. Why'd I do that? No wonder I particularly liked watching the snake grab the mouse and swallow him down. But I wanted to show good will. to that child. That the things that interest him interest me. The things important to him. So it means you've got to sometimes bend your own natural taste and inclinations. In another home where a daddy is spending hours building a big beautiful dollhouse for his daughter.

57:03 I'm sure he doesn't feel the most macho man when he's out there putting in the little curlicues on the dollhouse. But he's creating a climate of good will between him and his daughter. That's the point. And may God help us as parents that this will indeed be the overall climate of our relationship to our children while they're under our roof.

57:29 Then when under God you can carry it on when they leave the roof, it makes the latter years of your life even all the richer and God gets all the more glory. Well let's pray our time is gone. Father, we thank you that you are the perfect Father. And we confess there's so much in us that's unlike you. We pray you'd forgive us and cleanse us and wash us in the blood of Christ and help us more and more by the enablement of the Spirit and by looking to your Son to be like you in our relationship to our children. Speak to us all according to our need and bless your word to our prophet in Jesus' name. Amen. You have been listening to How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children by Pastor Albert N. Martin.

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