Relationship of Parents to Children

Approaching Family Living: Scripturalism, Not Rationalism, Traditionalism, or Pragmatism

0:00 I've entitled this series of studies, God's Directives for Family Living. The first thing we did last week was to set out the manner in which we were going to approach this subject of family living. And I said, first of all, there were three things that were not going to characterize our approach. We are not going to take the approach of rationalism, that is, making our minds the final bar of judgment, the standard of what is right and wrong.

0:33 Nor were we going to take the position of traditionalism that simply said, well, whatever has been done in American culture, we'll continue to do it. We're not going to take the approach of pragmatism, what seems to work, and if it works, then it's good, and if it's good, then it must be right. None of these approaches. None of these approaches can find any justification in Holy Scripture, so we're taking the fourth approach that I have called scripturalism.

1:00 The conviction that all Scripture is breathed out of God and is profitable, that we might be instructed in right living, that God himself says to the law and to the testimony, if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them. And John 12, 48, where Jesus said, the word that I have spoken unto you shall judge you. The word that I have spoken unto you shall judge you in the last day, even judge us with respect to our stewardship of family privilege and responsibility. So our approach, then, we trust, will be thoroughly scriptural.

1:35 This is the only reason why I would attempt to bring a series of lessons and lectures and studies on this subject. I am not trained in psychiatry, psychology. I am not trained as a family counselor. But I do believe I'm aware of the basics.

1:52 The teaching of Holy Scripture, and therefore that qualifies me to proclaim God's directives for family living. Then we moved into the goal of our study, and I stated it negatively. It was not to give an exhaustive list or an exhaustive coverage of all the facets of family living, anticipating all the specific problems that can arise, and seeking to give you, as it were, a little indexed book or manual that would answer. But rather, our goal is to lay hold of the great principles of Scripture, so that we may then relate our specific problems to those great principles, and then find our own answers, even as our Lord sought to get the Pharisees to do, with regard to the problem of divorce in Matthew 19. Now, how then are we going to approach the subject? Well, the first thing we attempted to do, and what we began to do last week, was to set out the framework of family living. We'll continue that tonight.

Goals and Framework of the Study

2:59 And then, we want to move into the second area, the pattern of training children for the parentals responsibility towards their children. Then, thirdly, specific biblical principles touching the discipline of children. And then, the fourth area, specific problems of family living and guidelines from Scripture, The problems of sex education in the home, the problem of the proper use of the TV, how to conduct family devotions, etc. And we're putting those practical problems at the end purposely, not because I'm wanting to avoid them, but because it's only as we get these great sweeping biblical concepts clearly before us that we'll have any basis to grapple with the specific problems. And if we tried to come right at the problems and spend the night on how to have family devotions, we might have a set of rules for a given area, but because we haven't gotten hold of some principles, we wouldn't know how to relate other areas of need to the great truths of Scripture. So we're really trying to lay out a biblical philosophy of the family and of the home in the first place and in the major place, and then take up specific problems and relate them to those great principles of Holy Scripture.

4:17 Well, last week we began to look at the scriptural framework of the home, and in that framework we saw, first of all, there is God Himself who has revealed Himself in His Word and in His Son, and then we have the actual members of the household. We have the husband and the wife considered in their relationship to each other. Father and mother, as we consider them in relationship to their children. And what we tried to establish last week was that God's framework for the home takes in all of these ingredients. God never intended that the home should be simply this relationship, husband-wife, wife-husband, father-mother to children. There must be this external and objective. There must be this objective sphere of reference, the God who has made the man and the woman, the God who has ordained that they should live together, the God who has ordained that the fruit of their union would be children, and it's only as the family structure is viewed in this relationship that it can attain to its God-intended ideal.

5:41 And why is it that there is such tremendous problems in our day in this direction and in this direction? It's simply another expression. It's simply another expression of the basic principle that when man disregards his relationship to his God, he just brings himself into an ever-increasing net of self-destruction. Occasionally in what we call common grace, where men don't consciously recognize their allegiance to God, they do not consciously recognize the precepts of God, but nonetheless in common grace they share some of the benefits of that relationship, of that revelation, and of its truth.

6:21 But it's not due to them. It's simply because God, like sending his reign upon the just and the unjust, allows some of those influences to filter down into their lives. But God would have us self-consciously aware that the structure of the family includes not only the husband, the wife, the children, but the living God revealed in Holy Scripture and the Lord Jesus Christ as the Savior of sinners. So much, then, for that basic framework.

Review: Husband-Wife Relationship (Equality and Structure)

6:52 What we then attempted to do was to isolate this relationship here, which is absolutely foundational to any proper influence here with the children. The first thing we did was try to show the areas in which the husband and the wife are on absolutely the same standing or footing in their relationship to God. And you remember we said three things. They have equality, and equal identity in creative dignity.

7:23 They are both made in the image of God. Secondly, in their native depravity. One is no more sinful than the other. They are both fallen creatures.

7:33 And thirdly, in redemptive privilege, they have an absolutely equal footing in Christ Jesus. There is neither male nor female, but ye are one in Christ. So whatever we say about the structure of the home, it in no way infers that the man or the woman, one or the other, has greater dignity as a creature, is more holy or sinful inherently, or has a lesser standing in Christ. No, these are the areas of absolute equality and identity.

8:07 However, when we come into the structure of the home, a new relationship exists. And we see the parallel of this in every other area. Viewed simply as creatures, no man is any better than any other man in relationship to God. He hath made of one blood, we read in Acts 17.

8:29 However, when you put these people together in what we call a societal relationship, you have those whom God appoints to be rulers and governors, and others, then, who are to be subjects and what? Followers. Now, this does not mean the follower is any less a creature of dignity in the sight of God, than the leader. But it means when you put the two together in this relationship, then there is a structure of order.

8:57 So when we come to the husband-wife relationship, we must keep these things clearly in our minds. And at the point of being tedious, I want to underscore them, and I'll do it week after week. Never mix up the identity as creatures in the image of God, and then the identity and responsibility as creatures related, in a specific structure. The two are not the same.

Review: Husband-Wife Relationship (Shared and Specific Responsibilities)

9:24 All right, then, within this specific structure, then, of the husband-wife relationship, what things do they have in common? As individuals before God, we saw the three things they have in common. As members of this relationship, they have certain things in common. First of all, they complement one another.

9:45 The man was incomplete until the woman was brought to him. The woman was not made to be self-sufficient, but she was made to find her fulfillment in being brought to the man. And as Small says in his book so eloquently, this is at the same time the most glorious and most humbling fact. There's glory in the role of the husband in that he is the head, but there's humility in this, in that even though he was the head, he was incomplete without the woman.

10:18 There is both glory and humility in the woman's position. She was made of the man. This should humble her. But there is glory in that she alone can cause the man to try to find his true fulfillment.

10:33 So there is, in the relationship, this thing they have in common. Each one is to complement the other. Secondly, they share together the responsibility to cleave one to another. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto himself.

10:50 Unto his wife. And by inference, of course, the wife to cleave to the husband. And then he goes on to say, they too shall be one flesh. And that term, one flesh, the best interpretation of the phrase I read to you last week, I'll give it to you again.

11:07 It's a commitment to intimacy in the totality of life expressed in the sexual union of one flesh, which shows, on the one hand, the sanctity of the sexual union and, secondly, the totality of the sexual union. Why has God ordained that the sexual union should not be experienced outside of marriage? Because it is a union that involves something more than two bodies coming together. There's a totality of the relationship.

11:41 There is a commitment to total intimacy of mind and of will and of purpose. And, therefore, this is a mockery of that very relationship when it's indulged in outside of the total life commitment of the marriage relationship. And then, thirdly, they share together the responsibility to subdue the earth and to replenish the earth, Genesis chapter 1. All right, then, what are their specific responsibilities?

12:10 These are things they share together. What are their specific and individual responsibilities? And we said that the key word that came up again and again, and we've just read through, those of you who weren't here last week, I read through the key passages, Genesis 1, Genesis 2, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Peter chapter 3. I believe those were the key passages that I read through.

12:35 And the word that came up again and again with reference to the role, the specific role of the wife in relationship to her husband was what word? Submit. She is to take a place of submission to the husband. And the nature of that submission, it is religious.

12:55 Wives, be subject to your husbands as unto the Lord. He has ordained this relationship. The ground of that submission, the creative order, she was made to be submissive, and the redemptive pattern, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands. The extent of that submission, every sphere, let the wives be subject to the husbands, in everything.

13:21 Now that's qualified by the higher considerations that we considered if the husband asks and requires something contrary to the law of God. Then, the key word that denotes the responsibility for the husband in all the passages dealing with him is what? Love. Not rule, but love.

13:40 And you'd expect it to be, wives submit, husbands rule. No, but he doesn't say that. He says, wives submit, but husbands you love. Now, he's not negating the fact that the husband is to rule.

13:54 That's assumed in every command to the wife to submit. So the husband doesn't need to be told that. What he needs to be told is that he is to rule in the climate and context of love. A love that has as its pattern nothing less than the love of Christ to his church.

14:12 Wives, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. He loved it realistically. he knew what it was and yet he set his love upon it he loved it sacrificially he gave himself for the church he loved it purposely that he might do something with it he had a purpose in his love he loved it absolutely even unto the giving of himself well we closed on that note last week and just as a beautiful summary in a very short way let me read from the new set of commentaries that i just got from england as the banner of truth's presentation to me in appreciation for my ministry at the lester conference it was a nice thing to find reading me this afternoon lenski comments on this passage concerning the husband's responsibility to love the wife as christ loved the church in the state of innocence the husband was the head and the wife subjected herself to him as the head god made marriage so ideal so lovely so blessed it so perfect. Sin entered and disturbed this relation. Eve fell, Adam followed. God's order was subverted. In the state of sin, the divine and blessed order is disturbed in two directions.

15:37 Wives seek to rule their husbands and refuse loving self-subjection, and husbands tyrannize their wives, often to the point of enslaving them. Endless woe results. Christianity restores the divine order with all its happiness. When Christianity came and elevated woman and wifehood from their pagan degradation and made male and female one in the church of Christ, the danger of throwing over this original order began to appear. You see, women began to reason, since we're one in Christ, therefore, why should we be subject? Wives might be inclined to refuse self-subjection because of a false view of emancipation and independence. For this reason, Paul ever speaks so clearly and shows both the original divine intention, what I've called the creative order, of the marital relation of husbands and of wives, and the sanctification of this relation and its glorious elevation, because Christ made it the image of his own relationship. The relationship to the church, redemptive pattern. Creative order, redemptive pattern.

Transition to Parent-Child Relationship: The Fruit of Oneness

16:52 Those two concepts continually shape and mold the teaching of the Bible about this relationship. All right, now, before we move on to this relationship, that's our review. We're all done. Fifteen, twelve minutes. We've covered what it took us an hour and a half last week.

17:09 Do we have any questions before we move on now to the parent-child relationship? Bill, are you going to put the tape on now? Sure. Oh, yeah, because of my moving over, and I'll move this around a little bit, too, okay?

17:31 Good. All right, no question, then. Let's move on to the second area. Having considered the husband-wife relationship, now we want to look at the husband-wife relationship with reference to the children, so we'll change their names from husband and wife to father and mother. Same people. Maybe you wish you were two. Sometimes you just wish you were two. I wish you could be one person, to be the kind of companion you ought to be, undistracted by what these little critters demand of you. And this is what complicates it, because, you see, the same person that's got to fulfill all these responsibilities that we've looked at in the husband-wife relationship, then comes the fruit of their union, God's, as it were, official stamp of the truth that the two shall be one, when they hold in their arms that new thing. That is, both mama and papa together. That's the beauty of this thing. I read something

18:36 that began to get my wheels turning along this line, in which an author said, even though man may seek to dissolve the relationship of the two being one, God has a way of making it so permanent in their children. Here's a husband and wife joined together in that total intimacy, expressed in the sexual union. The fruit of that is a child that is, in reality, one thing that is the fusion of the two. Now, they get divorced, and they say, oh, well, the two are no longer one. But what do you do with that child? Do you unchild it? Do you send it back into sperm and ovum? No, you can't, you see. And the very way God has ordained that children should come as

19:24 the fruit of that union is God saying to every parent, when they hold the little child, that they shall be one. See how one, much one you are? Look at the fruit of your oneness. And as I was taking a nap last Sunday afternoon with Beth, and I woke up before she did, I just lay there and I looked at her with this thought going through my mind, and I think I was gripped in a new way with the marvel and the wonder of this. I said, what is that little creature there? That's my wife. That's me. But it's Beth, stamped for eternity, indicating that the two shall be one.

20:04 It's a mysterious but beautiful thought. Isn't it? Well, they come along, and not only is there beauty and wonder, but then there is increased responsibility. So, these people are not just husband and wife, they are now mother and they are father.

Parents' Position in God's Plan: God-Appointed Mediators

20:23 And now what I want you to do with me is to think, first of all, of the position of these two creatures with relationship to these children in the plan of God, their position in the plan of God. And then secondly, their task by the command of God. Position in the plan of God. And then secondly, their task by the command of God.

20:51 What has God constituted as the position of these people? Now let me underscore again emphatically that this is the most crucial issue in parental privilege and responsibility. Namely, discovering what God has made me with reference to my children. This is why there is such wholesale confusion and anarchy and downright mess in our homes today, even some of the best of our so-called Christian homes.

21:32 It's because parents do not know, what has God made me by making me a mama? A mama and a papa. Am I to be a little consensus administrator? That is, I come to my children and find out their likes and dislikes, and on the basis of that, I seek to order the home to conform to what they want?

21:58 Well, that's what a lot of people think God has constituted them, little consensus administrators. Others think that God has constituted them a sort of a glory, a glory of justice. Well that's not true. glorified, what would I call it, just a glorified horn of plenty. Whatever the child needs, you're there to simply make sure that you turn the big end of the funnel and everything pours out and lays there for them to take it. If it's love, you're the horn of plenty of love. It's forbearance and indulgence. If it's money, if it's clothes, if it's college, that's what you are. Well, is that what has constituted you as a parent? You see how crucial this is. What is the position of the mama and the papa in the plan of God? May I suggest, first of all, that they are God-appointed mediators within the framework of the home. Now let me explain the terminology. 1 Timothy 2.5 says there

23:03 is one God and one mediator. Between God and man, the man Christ Jesus. When we think of how guilty sinners like you and like me can be right with a holy God, the Bible says there is one go-between between sinful man and a holy God, the man Christ Jesus. And in that sense, Christ is an exclusive mediator. And so when I use the term a mediator, I am not saying we. can actually take away the sins of our children, etc. No, I don't mean that at all. But I'm saying there is a distinct parallel in terms of how Christ is the mediator to sinful man with reference to the position of the parents in relationship to the children.

23:55 Now, as the Shorter Catechism says, how does Christ execute the office of a redeemer? He does so, the Catechism says, as a prophet, as a priest, and as a king. As a mediator, he is a prophet, a priest, and a king. Now, in the same way, but without this aspect that we've said is exclusively his, God has constituted the parents,

24:24 little mediators in that home with reference to these children.

24:35 Let me read a statement by a writer of bygone days in which he says, quoting from Stephen's Perry, Life Lessons from the Book of Proverbs, Parents are, by the constitution of things, and in an important sense, mediators between God and their children for a time. What you give them, they receive. What you tell them, they believe. It is a sweet employment and an honorable place to be mediators for our children, bearing up to God their children, and to their need and bringing down to them God's will.

25:16 This is a kind of mediation not distracting to the mediation or detracting from the mediation of Christ. Now, as Christ as a mediator is a prophet to declare the will of God, a priest to forgive and intercede for us, and a king to rule over us, so as parents, God constitutes us, prophets to teach the will of God to our children, priests to plead with God on their behalf, and kings to enforce the rule and the reign of God over them. Now, let's look at those three things in a scriptural setting. God has constituted you as a Christian parent. God has constituted me a prophet to my children. That is, I am to be the primary, the primary instrument through which they will know the will of God. That was the function of a prophet to declare the will of God.

Parents as Prophets: Declaring God's Will

26:20 Turn, please, to Deuteronomy chapter 6.

26:25 Deuteronomy chapter 6.

26:40 Verse 4 through verse 9. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord, and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy might. Amen. Amen.

26:56 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

26:56 Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

26:57 words which I command thee this day shall be upon thy heart and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house and when thou walkest by the way and when thou liest down and thou risest up and thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thy hand and they shall be for frontlets between thine eyes and thou shalt write them upon the doorpost of thy house and upon thy gates you see what God is saying God through the prophet Moses says this is my will for you my people Israel now there's another generation that will follow you who is to be the primary mediator of that truth which I am giving to you through my prophet Moses who is to be a prophet to your children And the answer is not Moses, not the official administrators of Israel, and not even what we would call the full-time prophets of Israel, but the parents. And these words which I command thee shall be upon thy heart, that's the first thing, you must receive those words, and then he says, thou shalt teach them diligently to thy children.

28:18 And then he goes on to expand that. He says, by that I mean that at every point where the children turn in the totality of their life experience, when they're sitting down in the house, the normal social activities of the home, when they're going to bed, when you're out for a walk, in every aspect of life, they are to be confronted with what God says about that aspect of life. And this is to be done through the instrumentality of the parent. In other words, the child is to grow up looking at life through the glasses of holy truth, and the way those glasses are constructed is by the careful, consistent, prophetic ministry of the mama and of the papa. God has constituted you his prophet. God has constituted you his prophet to those children. Do we want for our children the life of blessedness?

29:28 Every parent has to say yes to that, doesn't he? Do you want for your children the life of blessedness? Well, what is that life of blessedness? Psalm 1.

29:36 Blessed is the man that walks not in the advice of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and it is law that they meditate day and night. Well, you see, how can the child meditate? That is, reflect upon the implications of the word of God for the totality of the experiences of life, unless the mind and heart are saturated with that word. Now, who's going to get it into the mind?

30:10 Certainly not the Sunday school teacher who has them for an hour. Certainly not the teacher in the secular school, or even the teacher in the Christian school doesn't have that much opportunity with so many other things that have to be learned. Certainly the TV's not going to do it for them. Certainly the neighbors aren't going to do it for them.

30:29 Who is going to get that word into the mind so that when they think of any area of life, when they walk in the way, when they sit, when they lie down, they think scripturally? God has made you the instrument through which that is to be realized. He has constituted us prophets.

30:50 We don't say, now, Lord, I would like to be a prophet to my children. God says, I've made you. I've made you a prophet to your children. Either you're a faithful one or an unfaithful one.

30:59 But you can't change the fact that God has constituted you a prophet to your children. All you can do is accept that responsibility and work it out faithfully or unfaithfully, and God will hold you accountable for which one you do. Secondly, God has constituted us priests. Now, he does not mean by that that we can save our children.

Parents as Priests: Interceding for Children

31:20 No. But as the priest, we read in Hebrews 5, bears with the infirmities. He bears with the infirmities of the weak. The priest is sympathetic.

31:29 So God says to parents, particularly to fathers, in Colossians 3.21, Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. Don't expect adult behavior of the immature child. Don't set up standards of direction and discipline that are unreasonable, that will cause them to be unnecessarily rebellious.

31:52 You are to have a priestly heart. And then the primary function of that priestly heart is to bear them before God in prayer, that he, by his grace, would make them what he intended them to be. And the beautiful example of this in Holy Scripture, and this is why the Bible comes to us, not just with precepts, but with so much history, because the precepts are beautiful when they are clothed in historical example. Job, chapter 1.

32:27 We read of this man, Job, and I'm starting in the first verse of the first chapter. There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was perfect and upright and one that feared God and turned away from evil. And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.

32:50 That reminds me of what it says about Enoch. It says that he walked with God, and it points the time, the time of his walking with God from the time he begat children, indicating that the demands and the upsets of the domestic life are no excuse for not cultivating true piety. They become the occasion of the most beautiful kind of balanced piety. And so it says of Job that he was not only what we would call a first-table Christian who respected the demands of God upon him individually, but in his domestic life he was a true man of God.

33:26 His substance was 7,000 sheep, etc. Now notice carefully verse 4. And his sons went and held a feast in the house of each one upon his day, and they sent and called for their three sisters to eat and drink with them. And it was so when the days of their feasting were gone about that Job sent and sanctified them and rose up early in the morning and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all.

33:54 For Job said, May be that my sons have sinned and renounced God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually. Here's Job taking the place of a priest, actually offering up literal sacrifices for his sons. Day after day he did this continually, bearing them up before God, pleading that God would have mercy upon them if indeed they had renounced him in the heart.

34:27 Now God doesn't ask you to go out and raise some sheep or even keep a cage of doves to offer as a sacrifice, but he does expect us to bring the sacrifice of prayer to him continually on behalf of our children. To bring them up before him individually as Job did. To make our prayers specific on their behalf. Oh God, send your spirit to subdue their natural rebellion to reveal the glory of Christ to them.

35:01 Send your spirit to form them and shape them into those mature Christian men and women that will live to your praise and take their place in the world and in the church and in their own future homes to your glory and to your praise. Now God has made you the priest for your children. You don't say, well that's something I'd like to be. He has constituted you that priest.

Parents as Kings: Administering God's Rule

35:25 And like the prophetic author, you are either faithful or unfaithful in the discharge of that priesthood. And then thirdly, in this whole general area, God has made us mediators. He has constituted us kings. That is, we are to administer the rule of God in our home.

35:48 Remember what Joshua said, those famous words of Joshua? What did he say? As for me, I'll serve the Lord and if my children agree to and it's in keeping with family, family consensus, then the whole bunch of us might. Now he didn't say that.

36:03 He said, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. He said, I will administer in my home the rule of God.

36:18 Oh, that God would get this through to us. If there's anything that just gets me downright, it's probably carnally mad. Maybe some of it's righteous anger, but I'm afraid there's some fleshing. It's when I see parents afraid.

36:31 They're afraid to assume their kingly rule. Jumping every time the children whimper. Jumping every time the children balk. Squirming and squeamish when the children frown.

36:47 Can you imagine a king seated upon a throne who every time he heard one of his subject grumble, began to tremble? Every time someone in his kingdom didn't like one of the rules, he began to get all fidgety. He isn't worthy. He isn't worthy of his position, is he?

37:05 May I say you're not worthy of the place God's given you if you're not prepared to assume your mediatorial role as a king administering the rule of God in your own home. Let's look at a few passages that set out this principle so clearly. One in the Old Testament. I've already given you Joshua.

37:26 But then there's that beautiful statement about that man of God, Abraham. And I read now from Genesis 8, 16 to 18.

37:40 Genesis 18, 16, I'm sorry, to 19. And the men rose up from thence and looked towards Sodom. And Abraham went with them to bring them on the way. The Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that which I do, seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?

38:00 For I have known him. That's that rich word, know. That is, I've regarded him. I have known him with distinguishing love and affection to the end that he may suggest to his children and his household after him that they ought to keep the way of the Lord.

38:23 No, that isn't what the text says. I have known him to the end that he may command his children and his household after him that they may keep the way of the Lord to do righteousness and justice. To the end that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. I've known him to the end that he will command his children.

38:46 He will be a king in his home, administering the rule of God. In love, yes. In understanding, yes. Our kingship is to reflect Christ's kingship.

38:59 He knows our frame. He remembers that we are but dust. His commandments are not grievous. His yoke is easy.

39:06 But sadly, laying all of that, he's still a king. He doesn't dicker with you and me. And say, now, could we sit down and have a little bargaining session as we try to work out what might be good for you? He says, this is my will for you.

39:25 And with loving tone and with hands that point and are pierced, he points the way. And he does so with all the investiture of that kingly and royal authority that God has given. And as surely as God has constituted Christ, the mediatorial king of the church, who's made you the mediatorial king of the home, he's constituted you that.

39:55 So you don't need to tremble when you gather the family together and you say in our home, because Sunday is the Christian Sabbath, there shall be no television privilege.

40:14 Look at this. What?

40:16 See what I'm talking about? No, no. You don't have to. You sit down and you set the direction of that home in the light of the word of God and you say, this is the direction we go under the kingship of Christ.

40:31 One of the famous little sayings that's getting popular in our houses, but mommy or daddy, so-and-so does this and so-and-so, and we say, hmm, that's interesting, but what does that have to do with us?

40:42 We don't look out there for what we do as a family. We look in here.

40:50 We don't look out there. We don't put our ear to what the neighbors do. We put our ear this way. You see it?

40:57 Excuse me for getting excited, but it's one of the most liberating things as well as the most awesome things to think God has constituted us kings. Well, turn to the New Testament now. 1 Timothy chapter 3. What is one of the requirements for the teaching, ruling elder?

41:18 And remember, everything that's required of them is required of Christians in general. It's just that they, who assume places of leadership, must evidence these requirements in some degree of eminence as examples. But in 1 Timothy chapter 3, notice the words that are used. Verse 4, speaking of the one that would aspire to the office of a bishop, an elder, an overseer, one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection.

41:54 Subjection, rule. This is the king. This is the kingly concept. But if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?

42:06 He's a king. A king's to rule. A king is to have subjects. Granted, it's in the climate of love, the climate of understanding, just as the subjection of the wife to the husband is to be to the husband who loves as he rules.

42:23 But you can't bleed the concept of rule out. No matter how much you infuse the biblical concept of love and tenderness and patience, etc. This is why God turns the tables to children then and says in Ephesians 6 and verse 1, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Well, if it's right for children to obey, it's right for parents to rule and to give them commands.

42:55 That's obvious. How does God feel when this order is upset when parents do not exercise their kingly rule? Well, look at Eli. It says, He restrained not his sons.

43:09 And the Hebrew word means he didn't even admonish them verbally, let alone spank them. And you know what God said to him? I'll curse your whole seed after you. And do you remember the terrible curse that came upon his family?

43:22 What would happen to a son or daughter who would not submit to the kingly rule of a parent? Listen. God regarded rejection of the kingly rule of the parents as rejection of his own authority and it was punishable with death in the Old Testament. Deuteronomy 21, beginning with verse 18.

43:44 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son that will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of the mother, and though they chasten him, you see, they've sought to use the means to bring him into subjection, and he will not hearken unto them, then shall his father and mother, now this shows how concerned they are that this man will not obey his order of their rule be maintained in Israel. They're not soft, sentimental, sloshy parents. They've been administering discipline faithfully. The child hasn't responded.

44:14 What are they to do? Take second best and have anarchy? No, no, they're to lay hold on him, bring him to the elders of the city and to the gate of his place, and they shall say to the elders of his city, this our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice, he's a glutton and a drunkard, and all the men of his city, shall stone him to death with stones, so shall thou put away the evil from the midst of thee, and all Israel shall hear and shall fear. You have essentially the same thing in Exodus 21, 15, and Leviticus 20 and verse 9.

44:53 It says if a son or daughter curses father and mother, he shall be put to death. Because what is the cursing? When a parent turns around, when a child turns around to a parent who's giving an order and says, ah, phooey on you. What is that doing?

45:10 That's saying you're not a king over me, and God says when they do that, that shows they're rejecting my authority, and the wages of rejecting my authority is death. I'm not saying this specific law is enforced today any more than the command if someone's taken in adultery, they should be stoned, but God was teaching lessons here to put his fear into the hearts of men. And I'm only using the passages to enforce this principle that God has constituted parents in the role of kings to administer the rule of God in the home. Now it doesn't say that it's only the Christian who has attained to a degree of great maturity and balanced piety whom God says now as a promotion for your present degree of sanctification, I will now constitute you a prophet, priest, and king to your children. No. With all my own failures and all the areas of my own weakness, if God has blessed the union of this husband and wife with children, then by the very nature of the presence of that child, they are constituted prophets, priests, and kings unto those children. In the book of the Revelation, it says that Jesus Christ has made us kings and priests unto our God, and we are kings and priests

46:38 in this domestic role as well. But I'm sure you see that the basic secret to being an effective prophet, priest, and king to my children is to have a vital relationship to him as my prophet, my priest, and my king. As my mind is constantly seeking to be subject to his word, to know his will, then I in turn can reflect that will to my children. As he is continually my priest and I see his patience with me and his faithful intercession for me, then I get courage to be patient with my children and to be persistent in my prayers for them. And as I see the absoluteness and the graciousness of his kingship over me, I am more and more prepared to be the king with authority and with graciousness to my children. Now that's what God has constituted every Christian parent with reference to his children. Now, any questions before we move on to the task?

Questions on Parental Roles and Transition to Task

47:56 Any questions? This makes sense. Yes, Gene? In the outworking of this relationship, there is some distinction of administration.

48:12 But together God has constituted them prophets, priests, and kings. Now, how the prophetic ministry is administered in some homes where, say, you've got a divided home, the wife has got to be almost totally the prophet. In a situation where a man might be a traveling salesman, she'll have the devotional life far more consistently than the man. She has actually got to be the instrument of the prophetic office.

48:40 In normal situations, it's the father who should be taking the lead in family worship, both in the setting of the tone of it, the governing of it, and the actual doing of it. So you see here, in the outworking of these concepts, there will be difference. But certainly each one is constituted of prophet, priest, and king, but the outworking of it must be in terms of this other relationship of the head and the one subject. Other questions?

49:11 Yes, Bob? Yes, that's a good point. You see, if it was rebellion to the father or the mother, indicating that this authority is invested in the mother as well. Yes, we had another question back here.

49:28 Bud? Yes, I want to get into specifics. But I want to get the concept first. You see, as I keep emphasizing, most of our problems are down here.

49:48 We say, boy, if only I knew how to do this particular thing. But our problem is not with the specific. It's that we haven't sufficiently grasped the basic concept, you see. You take the parent who's squeamish about consistent discipline.

50:01 We're going to deal next week with the biblical principles of discipline. All of that, you see, comes under these principles. In my discipline, I am revealing the mind of God. I am conveying a means of grace.

50:16 It says, beat him with a rod and you'll deliver his soul from hell. Isn't that what a priest does? Delivers people from condemnation? So my rod of correction is not only a prophetic rod and a priestly rod, but it's a kingly rod as well.

50:28 So that everything else we're going to do in the details is going to be hooked in and related to these basic concepts. And you just need to pray and meditate upon them until the Lord grips you with these things and you begin to feel the glory and the dignity of your role as a parent. Then you're not scared, you see, when the child barks or fusses or balks and you've got tremendous ground to pray for God's blessing upon the administration of this world. Of this threefold office.

50:59 All right, further questions? Do we have any other questions? All right, let's move on then to what I'm going to call the task by the command of God. We've looked at the position that God has given us in his plan.

Parents' Task: Training for the Totality of Life

51:19 Now, what is our task from this unique position of being prophets, priests, and kings to our children? What is our task with reference to them? And the way I want to approach this aspect is first of all to give a summary of our task in a broad overview. And then I want to move in in the second place to specific aspects of that task in some detailed description as Bud has suggested he would like to have it.

51:52 All right? This task then in a broad overview. Is there one verse, two verses that give us in a nutshell what our great overall task is as we think of our children? There we are.

52:08 And we look down at them as parents and we ask ourselves what is my great task? All right, granted I've got to put food in their tummy and clothes in their back and smack them once in a while to keep them in line and all the rest. But when you sum it all up what am I trying to do with these little bundles of sinew and muscle and flesh and emotions and will and desire and all the rest? What is my overall task?

52:38 Does anyone think that the verse that I'm going to suggest as being a beautiful summary of every aspect of the task can come under this one verse? Right? That reference is Proverbs 22.6.

52:57 You hit the thing right on the old kazoo, Irv. Proverbs 22.6. I have to remember this is going on tape and may go other places.

53:07 I better be a little less informal. You people who listened to that on tape you didn't hear that. All right. Proverbs 22 and verse 6.

53:16 It's terrible to have everything you say embalmed in the... What goes on those tapes, Paul?

53:29 What do you call this stuff? Oxide, yes. Some men have everything they say embalmed in printer's ink. Everything I say is embalmed in oxide on a mylar tape.

53:39 All right. Proverbs 22.6. Train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old he will not depart from it.

53:53 This word to train comes from a verb which has as its root meaning to narrow, to choke. So the concept is narrow down that child to the way that he should go. Now, what is the way that he should go? The way that he should go is the plan of God for the totality of his life.

54:23 What was he made to do or to be? What was she made to do and to be? What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and to enjoy him forever.

54:36 And how do we glorify God? By doing his will. And so the object then, of the totality of our emphasis and influence upon our children is to see them moved into the way that they should go which is the way of God for every single circle of life's relationship. Now, how do you do that?

55:06 It's by training. Training brings in the whole concept of process. Training brings in the whole concept of development, the concept of patience, of example. When someone is trained for a job, you don't think of someone who goes off for three hours and suddenly comes back.

55:30 The whole idea, you see, bound up in that word is the long range, patient concept with development. And that, in summary statement, is what our task is. God has made us prophets to reveal the will of God, priests to bring them to God, kings to administer the rule of God. To what end?

55:54 That they might be trained to go into the way of God in every area of life. The way it's stated in the New Testament is in the concept of growth. Ephesians 6, 4, it says, Fathers, rear your children or nourish your children in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. When something is nourished, which is the real meaning of that word, it is built up and grows into that which it ought to be.

56:29 Christ nourishes the church until the church becomes that which he purposes it should be. As we nourish our children, it is to the end that they may grow and develop into that which they ought to be. Now, what is that total way of life? We're still under the general overview now.

56:53 Let me give something that I trust will be helpful and use the diagrams again. Here we are as mamas and papas under God, first of all in the home. We are seeking in our relationship to each other to be scriptural. The husband taking the role of the creative order and the redemptive pattern.

57:22 The head, according to Christ, the head, according to creation, the head in a way that reflects the love of Christ to the church. There's the mama, in the light of the word of God, taking her place of the creative order, subject to her husband, reflecting the redemptive pattern as the church is subject to Christ. Then they have other circles of responsibility which, as Christians, they are seeking to administer and discharge in the light of the word of God. They're involved in the life of the church.

57:52 There they each seek to take their place in that relationship with other brothers and sisters, loving one another, forbearing with one another, etc. And then they have another role of responsibility. It's their role in society at large, the place of work, the business associates, the neighbors. And in all of those relationships, they are seeking to be subject to the revealed will of God, ordering their lives according to the pattern of the word, to the end, that in so doing, in every relationship, they bring glory to God and fulfill the very purpose for which they were made.

58:33 Now, isn't that true of you as a Christian? I'm not saying you obtain this to its fulfillment, but isn't that what you seek to do? You don't box off any area and say, well, I'll take the will of God for my church life, but not for my business life, my social contacts, society. No, not at all.

58:49 Now, what is your task as a parent? Here's little Junior and Junioress. What are you doing as a parent? What is your goal?

59:01 Now, listen carefully, and I hope it'll stagger you, because it's the most staggering thought that I have this responsibility. What is my task? Here it is. Under God, as prophet, priest, and king, to be the instruments in the hands of God, to see them trained in such a way and nourished in such a way that when they leave the circle of the home and go out to form their own circle, he may take his God-given role in the light of the word as a husband, she may take her God-given role as a wife, that he will have learned in this context how to be a good father to his children, that she will have learned in this context how to be a good mother to the children, that they will have learned in this context how to be good members of the church, how to take their role in society so that they in turn, living every area under the revealed will of God, may bring glory to God and in turn bring such influence upon these children that when they leave the circle, and they go out, you see what I'm doing? There it is.

60:28 And God says, that's what I know about Abraham. He will command his children in such a way that they will follow this path. Do you catch the magnitude of your task? It is nothing less than training that child for the totality of life's experience under the lordship of Christ and in the light of the revealed will of God.

60:57 And then people say to me, well, I'm just a housewife, I'm just a mother, or I'm just a carpenter, or I'm just this. That's a pretty big job, isn't it? Isn't that a pretty big job? And I go back to the words of my dear mother who said that so often when she was rearing her ten children, she would pray, oh God, keep the vision before me.

61:26 I'm rearing future fathers, future mothers, maybe future preachers, future missionaries, future society members, future citizens of the kingdom of God. Lord, don't let me fail to build in those principles that will make them adequate for the time when they must be the husband, they must be the wives, they must be the mamas and the papas, they must be the deacons, they must be the church members, they must be the salt and the light in society. And when that vision is somehow implanted in the heart, then you roll up your sleeves and you say, I've got quite a job ahead of me. I've got quite a job ahead of me. And that's the task. It's inclusive, not just to feed them, hope everything will go well.

62:25 It includes all of this. And it's also exclusive. I am not going to allow my children to think that any area of life is not touched upon by the word of God. I'm not going to let them think that the word of God has something to say about the church, but nothing to say about our role in society.

62:48 I'm not going to let them think that the Bible has something to say about heaven, but nothing to say about husbands and wives and how they treat each other and how they govern their children. No, no. I'm going to seek to exclude from the influences that come to my children anything other than this, that they might be blessed people who walk in the light of the revealed will of God. Parents must make their choice, quoting again from this man, Mr. Perry.

63:28 Parents must make their choice. They must either make the home life and the home lessons, the home love and the home pleasures more attractive, more winning than the street life, the street lessons and the street friendships and the street amusements, or else they need not wonder at the ruin of their sons and daughters. God has given to parents a mighty instrument for good in the family relationship, and if they will not avail themselves of its means, they cannot blame Providence when their children fall beneath the power of vice. Can young men or young women be blamed for the neglect of their paternal instruction or their disobedience of mother's law when they've had neither the one or the other with which to direct their steps?

64:12 The nursery or the schoolteacher furnish poor substitutes for the heaven-appointed instructors of youth, and the child thus neglected in life's springtime is withered and blasted, ere that springtime has mellowed into summer. I wonder if I should even go on after setting that up. That's enough for us to chew on for another hour, isn't it? When we've realized that is our task.

Areas of Training: Spiritual, Intellectual, Physical, Social

64:38 And you see, what you and I are doing as parents, we are inevitably, by the sheer force of the succession of day upon day, month upon month, year upon year, and by the sheer natural laws of physical development, we are hastening to the time when we're going to push the children out of this circle and they're going to establish their own. But are we pushing them out prepared to establish that circle? I wish I could let you be a pastor. I wish I could let you be a pastor.

65:04 I wish I could let you be a pastor. I wish I could let you be a pastor. I wish I could let you be a pastor for a month. And you see the twisted adults that come who find themselves totally inadequate for this relationship even though they've entered it.

65:21 Totally inadequate for this relationship even though they've entered it. Totally inadequate for this relationship and why? Because back here the influence was not brought to bear to equip them for this. And the church couldn't make up the slack and the church can't now.

65:41 That's a heartbreaking thing. God grant that our children will not act to the greatly increasing number of those who are going out into those circles of relationships totally unprepared. Well, moving then from this general summary let me just touch very, very quickly and then, Bud, I'm not putting you off but we're going to specifically enlarge upon some of these things like the discipline aspect next week and then the family worship and some of these other things as I mentioned in our first lesson. What areas are to be trained for that future role?

66:17 Well, think of what the child is. What is this creature? Papa and Papa are seeking to influence in this way. What is this little Jack in this little suit?

66:35 Well, it's a physical creature. It's got muscles, sinews and physical energy. So, by training it's got to take into account that fact. They've got minds, little thinkers or whatever and they've got wills, little willers.

66:51 They've got feelings. They have emotions and they are creatures made in the image of God with the capacity to know God. They have a spiritual element and though they are spiritually dead in Adam, they are not stocks or stones or dogs. They are still redeemable creatures, savable creatures.

67:06 So then, the outworking of this great task that we've looked at in overview means that might come to pass in the future and that might come in the future and that means that my training them in the way that they should go must take into account all of those areas of development and I must consciously seek to labor at a balanced and proportionate influence towards that development. The great verse that is the pattern of all of this is a verse that speaks of our Lord Jesus Christ as a true boy, as a true child. And as he developed in a true and valid humanity, notice what is said of him in the last verse of Luke chapter 2. Luke 2 and verse 52. And Jesus advanced in wisdom, mental, intellectual development, and stature, physical development, and in favor with God spiritual development and spiritual development, and with men cultural or social development. So here we have this picture of the Son of God as a true man being nourished and nurtured, developing in mind, in body,

68:35 in his spirit, and in his social relationships. May I say there is the pattern of our development of our children under the blessing of God. We are to give them in the first place then spiritual training. That is, we are to seek to imbibe in their minds right views of God, right concepts of authority, the law of God, the fact that God has made us as parents not just bigger physically so we've got the right to span them because we can handle them.

69:11 No, no. Our physical size has nothing to do with it. Otherwise, what are you going to do when your teenage son looks down his nose at you? Well, if you haven't established, you see, your right and responsibility to discipline them on something other than the fact you're bigger and can handle them, what's going to happen when you can't handle them?

69:36 You see, you're in trouble. You've got to imbibe right views of themselves. What are they as creatures? Right views of the world, spiritual training, imbibing these right views of God, of authority, of the law, of themselves, of the world.

69:55 If so, how are you going to do this? May I say in answer to that question, the first thing is consistent example. Consistent example. How do you teach right views of authority?

70:09 Well, when they see you as a father, reflecting what God says fathers are to be. If they see you churlish with the wife and never apologizing, barking around like some kind of a crazy dog and never repenting of it, you're teaching them God's word has no binding authority. God says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. But you don't seem to care too much about that command.

70:34 So you're teaching them what God says really doesn't matter. You wives, you just go ahead and talk back to your husband and say, no, I don't think you're right on that. I think this is the way it ought to be done. You just go around and flaunt your insubordination and note you're telling your kids what God says really doesn't matter.

70:52 If they don't listen to the preacher who says, thus saith the Lord, and they say, yeah, yeah, I know, but he doesn't really mean it. I see my mom and she doesn't submit herself to my dad. You think your kids don't reason that way? You're kidding yourself.

71:10 They do. If we're to give proper spiritual training, there must be consistent examples. Secondly, we must create a climate of openness about spiritual things. Some of the most effective training in the home comes in an informal way.

71:27 Even as our Lord in his ministry with the disciples. Some of the most precious lessons were triggered by the occasion of the moment. He hears them arguing about who's going to be greatest in the kingdom. So he girds a towel around them and picks up a basin and they say, what in the world is he doing?

71:45 I'll tell you what he's doing. He's preaching the most powerful sermon. And you see the parent who has created a climate of openness about spiritual things will seize the opportunities that arise throughout the day to impress spiritual lessons upon the children. But if you're so materially minded yourself that you're not thinking about life spiritually, then you can't create that climate with your children.

72:10 Then you must, as a minimum, have some consistent family worship where you gather together as a family to pray, to read the word of God, to read Christian literature, to memorize scripture, to go over catechetical instruction. And I know all the arguments and all the ifs, buts, ands, howevers, and all the rest, but they're just a bunch of flimsy excuses. If you're determined this is your responsibility and God has made you the prophet in that home, you may say, well, I sure don't know all I'd love to know, but that makes no difference. God's made me the prophet in this home and I'm going to tell him what God says.

72:53 And we're going to read the Bible. If I don't even make any comment on it, I'm going to at least set the example of leading the family in the worship of God in the study of the scriptures. Well, I could enlarge more upon that when we come to the last part of our study, the practical problems, I want to take a whole section on giving you practical, some practical suggestions about family worship. But suffice it to say that this total training must involve spiritual training which in turn involves family worship, catechetical instruction.

73:29 When you discipline your children, what a beautiful time to deal with them. Why do you act that way? Why is it so easy to be nasty to your sister? Why is it so easy for you to fight?

73:43 Why? I don't know. Yeah, sure you do. What's the matter?

73:47 Well, maybe it's because I've got a bad heart. Yeah, that's the reason. It's what God said. I think maybe we ought to pray about that.

73:55 See? Take the occasions of discipline about the word. When thou liest down, et cetera. Well, then, the second place there's got to be intellectual training.

74:05 God says, you're to love me with the whole heart and with the whole mind. We've got to show to our children the necessity of hard thinking, the dignity of the human mind. Encourage them to think, to reason. And yet, at the same time, reminding them that their minds must always act freely and vigorously within the boundaries of brotherhood and brotherhood.

74:29 That's the word of the living God. That God never gave them a head in order that head might damn them by rejecting the authority of Scripture. Now, that means, practically speaking, you've got to have, if you have a television set, you've got to have a governed, controlled, disciplined use of the TV. Otherwise, the mind will take the path of easiest resistance and the children will be content to just passively sit and watch and never think.

75:00 And you have to train them to proper development of this great God-given faculty of the mind. Secondly, you've got to have a guided reading program. Your children, left to themselves, will read comic books. You've got to guide their reading.

75:15 You've got to put the right literature in their hands. You've got to seek to find the kind of literature that's suited to their age level and whet their appetites to develop their minds to make intelligent, thoughtful readers of your children. Intellectual training. So, it's your responsibility.

75:32 Then there's the responsibility of their physical training. To get them to understand early in life that their body is a gift from God. To respect those built-in laws of health. A mother should constantly be reminding her little daughters that you'll be mummies one day.

75:50 In all probability you're going to be a mummy and you want to have the best body possible in order to bear your children and be strong to do all the things that a mummy has to do. So, it's your responsibility to guide in that young man the concept of the dignity of his body and that he ought to keep it as a precious trust from God. And when he comes up into the age where he's conscious of his physical powers and his sexual awakening of sexual desire and abilities what a time to sit down and do like the father does with his son in Proverbs. And sit down as a father and tell him why God made him the way he did.

76:32 And he is a man who's always been together through life and into his life. And now that he's in the world or whatever of his small life and that he's in the state of being free from all the power and我們 and that he's in the state of being free and has this power that's throughout his life. So, he's a father in the spirit and in the spirit of God. So, we need to be a father in the spirit and in the spirit of God.

76:57 And we need to be a father in the spirit of God. We need a father in the spirit into the church we're sending them into another home this is why manners are not just some kind of thing that emily post is imposed upon us what are manners but simply what is proper in the interrelationship of people one with another that which shows that we respect one another when the gentleman opens the door for the lady he shows respect when he seats his mother when he seats his sister when he knows how to handle a fork and a knife properly this is not just some kind of uppity uppity garbage jesus grew in favor with man he learned to adapt himself to the cultural demands of his own society that were not sinful and you and i must we must seek to appreciate give our children an appreciation of good music or they're going to love that jungle music we want to make them sensitive in the matter of relationships to people it takes time it's a lot easier just let the water run any direction it'll run and it'll always seek the lowest level just let their attitudes and actions run in the natural direction and it'll always be in the direction of selfishness

78:19 you see the fruit of it in our day some stinky unshaven unkept guy he doesn't care if i have to sit next to him and smell his body odor blow his cigar smoke down my back he doesn't care why because somewhere along the line somebody didn't take time to tell him look you're not just an individual you're part of a whole structure of human beings made in the image of god and the scripture says that we're to give honor to whom honor is due and every fellow creature has honor that is due to him as a creature made in the image of god and manners and some of these things are simply the expression of those things that are right in relationship to our fellow men and we've got to teach our children now about this time you say boy if that's what our job is who is sufficient for these things well we aren't we aren't but blessed be god he is able to make us what we ought to be in this area that's our responsibility the totality of their development and let me just put in this a little bit of plug for christian education because it fits so beautifully listen if i appoint anyone as my substitute

79:43 for any area of this development my substitute must as closely reflect the biblical views that i am imposing upon my children as is humanly possible if i were developing the child's mind exclusively in the home and i were seeking to get him to appreciate the beauty of the world about him what i tell him this is nature and that's nature of course not i wouldn't insult god that way any more than when a beautiful meal is finished and i'm not going to insult god that way i'd say well it put it on the table my wife would get mad and kick her shoe at me and rightly so well nature is just an it and when the table of creation is spread with such beauty to say it put it there that's an insult and i was just tickled pink when joel jumped off the couch almost a few weeks ago we were watching a walt disney nature film and the narrator kept saying nature nature and he said to me daddy he said that's an insult to god god did it they have to say nature well you say he was just parroting you that's right maybe that's all he was at least he's gotten his noggin maybe someday god will get in his heart someone said to me the other

81:02 day something about you know said i heard your son pray and he said i'm afraid he may be just imitating you i didn't say anything at the time but i felt like saying well who do you expect him to imitate i hope he imitates me that's why i better be careful i'm praying scripture maybe someday the imitation will become participation